All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S11E02.1080p.BluRay.Remux

One dumpling left. Who wants it?

Maybe you should offer it
to the pregnant lady.

And that would be?

Me, Sheldon, I'm obviously pregnant.

Well, you never said it to my face,

and the last time I assumed a woman
was pregnant, it did not go over well.

Yeah, I'm still mad at you.

You were drinking water instead of wine,

what was I supposed to think?

Sheldon's right. I would never ask
a woman if she was pregnant

unless she tells me, or I see
a human being wiggling out of her.

Well, Sheldon, I'm pregnant.

Congratulations! How far along are you?

About three months.

Only three?

Good gravy,
how many babies are in there?

Okay, let's talk about something
that won't infuriate my pregnant wife.

I read an interesting fact
about elephants.

Try again.

Oh, I've got something. I'm being
interviewed on public radio this Friday.

Oh, cool. How come?

The university's trying to get
more funding for the physics department,

so they want me to go out
and talk it up.

Really, you?

Well, they picked the right person
for the job.

Thank you.

I think he bought it.

Hi, I'm Ira Flatow,
and this is Science Friday.

Joining me today is my guest physicist
Doctor Leonard Hofstadter,

to talk about all of the exciting
research they're doing at Caltech.

Thank you for having me. Whoa.

I never get used to hearing
myself in headphones.

Is that really how I sound?

It is, it is.

That is good to know.

I told him his voice was annoying,
he didn't wanna listen.

Hey!

What, you're saying it's not?

Just, hey.

So it has been five years
since the discovery of the Higgs boson.

What's the next big thing gonna be?

Wow, that's hard to say,
there's so much going on.

We've been collecting tons of data

that could revolutionize
the way we understand the universe.

Uh, for instance,
there's a particle called a squark,

which could prove supersymmetry!

That is interesting. Have you found it?

- What, the squark?
- Yes.

No, no.

Wouldn't that be exciting?

But we're also looking for
the selectron,

the gluino, and the neutralino.

- And have you found that?
- No.

But, uh, fun side note,

I went to high school
with a girl named Theresa Gluino.

But it didn't cost
two billion dollars to find her.

She was smoking behind the gym.

So, what have you found?

Um, nothing actually.

Should he be saying that?

Probably not.

Yeah, this is public radio.

Doesn't he realize
dozens of people might hear him?

But, I remain confident.

We've got the best equipment,
and the best minds all working on it.

Okay, sounds like he's back on track.

Although, some days I'm like,

"Ugh, we've spent so much money.

Why haven't we found anything?
What are we doing?"

Oh, boy.

There's Leonard. I bet he's having
a rough day.

Let's just try to be supportive.

Supportive?

He publicly maligned
the love of my life, Lady Physics.

Might not want to mention that
to Lady Fiancée.

Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Hey. How's it goin'?

Pff.

What? You got something to say?

I think I just said it.

P.F.F.

Pff.

- I...
- Look, I, I was just speaking the truth.

Yeah, we're scientists,
isn't that what we're supposed to do?

Oh, what would you know about the truth?

You thought Phantom Menace
was "not half bad."

I told you that in confidence!

Okay, calm down, everybody.
Just cool it.

No, let 'em go. If we get lucky,
maybe one of them'll start crying.

Can we just drop this
and have lunch like adults?

- Sure.
- Very well.

- Leonard?
- What?

Pff.

- You ready for lunch?
- Oh, one second.

Ooh, someone's got a lot of
fancy new lab equipment.

I know. The university's been
throwing money at my study.

With any luck, there'll be
a brain disease with my name on it.

Fingers crossed.

Which is ironic,
because if you had Fowler's Palsy,

you wouldn't be able
to cross your fingers.

I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here
playing with all your new toys.

Actually, I haven't told him about it.

We've been getting so much more funding
than physics,

he's been a little sensitive.

So you're just gonna
hide your success from him?

I know, am I terrible?

No, I do that too!

Howie thought
my company retreat was in Boise.

It was in Tahiti.

That's such a relief.

I mean, part of me was worried
I was being unfair to Sheldon.

Take that part of yourself
and hide it away.

Just like I did with last year's
bonus check that I "didn't get."

- Ms. Davis, you wanted to see me?
- Yes, Doctor Hofstadter, come on in.

Should I sit or stand?

I'm not used to being called
into the Dean's office.

Please sit.

I have to say, I'm a little nervous.

You should be.

Look, I know I screwed up.

But it was only one interview.

How much damage could it have caused?

Would you like for me
to read you the emails

from donors asking
why are they giving us money

if physics is a dead end?

I didn't say it was a dead end.

I just said that
I was worried it might be.

So, if I just said I was worried
you might not have a job next week,

how would you feel?

Light-headed
and glad you asked me to sit down.

Okay, just tell me what I can do.

I'm gonna need you to make a statement
saying that you misspoke,

and that you're confident
the physics community

is close to a major breakthrough.

You want me to lie?

Look, Doctor Hofstadter,
I'm counting on you.

I think that you are the
smartest physicist at this university.

- Really?
- See? Lies. They're not that hard.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Oh.

Looks like you've been busy.

Oh, I have.

Dark matter, reconciling
gravity and quantum mechanics,

supersymmetry.

I figured out
the biggest problems in physics today.

Wow, you solved them all?

No, I just... I figured out
that they're the biggest problems.

Is this about what Leonard said
on the radio?

Uh, absolutely not.

And I do not want to talk about Leonard.

Can we please
just talk about anything else?

We could talk about my day.

Walked right into that one, didn't I?

Well, since you sort of asked,

I actually had a very good day.

I got some new equipment for my lab.

Well, congratulations.

I got some new equipment, too.

I got these markers.

They smell like fruit,

which I did not notice
when I bought them.

Don't really care for it.

Here, drink this.

It might help.

- What if it doesn't?
- No, that's why I brought the bottle.

No one would talk to me in the halls,
they just glared at me.

It's like high school all over again.

Oh, I would totally do high school
all over again.

But that doesn't help you.

I got called into
the administration office.

Ooh, look at my bad boy
getting called to the principal.

We don't technically have a principal,

there's a standing committee
that oversees the budget.

Ooh, look at my bad boy
answering questions nobody asked.

Oh, come on, look, you said
a few dumb things on the radio.

What is the worst that could happen?

I may get fired.

Okay, well, even if you did,
you could find another job.

Yeah, who wouldn't
wanna hire the physicist

who publicly said physics is dead.

Well, I wouldn't put that
under special skills.

Look, I can fix it. I just need to
write a retraction I don't believe in.

Basically sell out to keep my job.

Great, I'll leave you to it.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oy.

Sheldon, it's me.

- What?
- Look, I know you're mad,

but I have to write a statement

that says the physics community
is close to a breakthrough.

And since you actually believe that,
I could really use your help.

- Sorry, I can't.
- Come on, don't be like that.

I can't, because I think you were right.

- What?
- Look,

not all science pans out.

You know, we've been hoping
supersymmetry was true for decades,

and finally we built
the Large Hadron Collider,

which is supposed to prove it
by finding these new particles,

but it hasn't.

Maybe supersymmetry,
our last big idea, is simply wrong.

That sounds awful.

Now I get why everyone hates me.

On the bright side,

after working together for 15 years,

you finally get to hear me say
you were right.

Yeah, you did.

How's it feel?

Given I might be unemployed,
bittersweet.

Read it back to me.

Hang on.

"Yes, one might question
the 20 billion dollars

"to build and run
the Large Hadron Collider,

"but on the other hand..."

Okay, um...

Oh, oh! On the other hand,
contrary to predictions,

the Collider didn't create
a small black hole

that devoured the Earth
and life as we know it.

So, money well spent.

This is depressing.

Do you have any alcohol around here?

Oh, not surprisingly, when Penny
moved out, she took every last drop.

Oh, but I do have several bottles
of Romulan Ale

that I bought at Comic-Con.

Isn't that just vodka
with blue dye in it?

First physics, now Romulan Ale.

What else would you like to defecate on?

Hey, I thought you were
coming right back.

I was, but we're both depressed

and decided to drown our sorrows.

In mouthwash?

Man, that is so summer camp.

It's Romulan Ale from Star Trek.

It was briefly legalized
during the alliance

between the Romulan Empire

and the Federation at the time
of the Dominion War.

Aw, now I'm depressed.

The more I told him about my lab,
the pissier he got.

You know what he said to me?

He said, "I hope all your correlations
turn out to be specious."

He said that to your face?

What a dick.

You know, you're a successful woman,

you should be able to brag about
your accomplishments once in a while.

And so should you.

I mean, the guys are never shy
about bragging.

Tell me about it.

Howie texts me every time
his dog levels up in Warcraft.

Has he ever called you to tell you
he found three peanuts in one shell?

'Cause Sheldon has.

We should be able to do that, too.

I guess we can brag to each other.

That's a great idea.

Damn right it is. I came up with it.

That felt good!

You know, there's so much money
in pharmaceuticals,

we don't even wash out our test tubes.

We just throw 'em out and get new ones.

I just got a brand-new,
state-of-the-art FMRI machine.

- Those things are so expensive.
- I know.

Sometimes I just lie down in there
and take a nap.

It's like a million dollar bunk bed.

At the office, I have two assistants.

I don't even know their names.
I just call 'em Thing One and Thing Two.

That's great. I don't have assistants.

I guess that's one of the benefits
of being in the private sector.

That and all the money I make.

Yeah, you've got that.

I've got my integrity,
hard to say which is better

without making you feel bad.

Okay, so you guys are upset

because the Collider thing
disproved your theories?

I-it's worse than that.

It hasn't found anything in years,

so we don't know if we're right,
we don't know if we're wrong,

we don't know where to go next.

All I know is it looks like
I tongue-kissed Avatar.

Come on, you guys are physicists, okay?

You're always gonna be physicists,

and sure, sometimes the physics is hard.

But isn't that what makes it boring?

- Hey.
- We're here.

- What's going on?
- Okay. As far as I can see,

science is dead
'cause Leonard killed it.

And I don't know who the Romulans are,

but those guys know how to party.

So, what do you want us to do?

I don't know. You're scientists,
cheer them up!

Cheer them up?
Do you even know what a scientist is?

No, we don't need to be cheered up.

It just turns out that
physics is exactly like Lost.

Started out great, and turns out
just a big ol' waste of time.

Boo-hoo. You know what
you sound like? Babies.

Two whiny babies.

There's nothing worse than
being stuck with two whiny babies!

Oh.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna have two babies.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Babies are great.

You're lucky to have two babies.

I mean look at me, uh, I'm all alone.
I'm never gonna have babies

'cause you can't make a baby
watching Netflix with your dog.

Thanks for coming.

I may not make as much money as you,

but at least I know that
I'm actually doing something

that makes people's lives better.

Hey, my work makes
people's lives better,

especially if you have moderate
to severe eczema

and don't mind a few loose teeth.

You're right, we both do important work.

I'm trying to map the structures
of the brain,

and you're trying to convince people
that itchy hair is a real thing.

It is a real thing!

It happens to be a side effect
of our cholesterol drug.

I'm just saying that my research
may actually change the world forever.

I hope it does,

'cause I'm gonna see that world
from a yacht so big

you can land a helicopter on it.

Physics is all we're cut out for.

I mean, if we weren't physicists,
what would we be?

I don't know, popular?

Mm-hmm.

It's fine, I don't need to be
a theoretical physicist.

There's lots of things
I could use this brain for.

I could be an accountant for the mob.

I could guess people's weight
at the fair.

Okay, this is getting silly.

Is it?

One-eighty.

Okay, that is enough!

Your lives are not wasted,

your careers are not at a dead end.

You just hit a rough patch.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves,
you need to get up and get inspired.

- How?
- I don't know!

You know, when I'm feeling down,
I go for a run.

Which is exactly why I'm not
180 pounds, genius!

I know where we need to go.

Um, are we running there?
Because watching drunk Sheldon run

would be the highlight of my life.

We're going to see Richard Feynman.

Penny, Richard Feynman
is an iconic physicist...

I know who he is. Leonard dressed as him
for Halloween last year.

I had no idea Richard Feynman was dead.

Yeah, most people don't know

he's actually buried
right here in Altadena.

I'm sure they keep a lid on that
to avoid traffic jams.

Well, here he is.

Oh, wow, he's buried with his wife.

We get it, a lady loved you.
Quit bragging!

Feynman was so cool.

When I was a kid,
I'd put on some headphones

and crank up one of his lectures

and just jam out to knowledge.

This guy knew how to live.

Taught himself musical instruments,

studied Portuguese
just to give a speech in Brazil.

The only part of me
that's been to Brazil is my bikini line.

Okay.

He did so much,

and here we are stuck
and letting him down.

You know, Feynman used to say
he didn't do physics

for the glory or the awards,

but just for the fun of it.

He's right.

Physics is only dead
when we stop being excited about it.

Even beyond the grave,
he's imparting wisdom.

Um, I'm the one who remembered it.

Give me the bottle.
It might be a little corny,

but I say we pour one out

for all the science homies
who came before us.

- I love that.
- Do it.

Here comes some more!

Ah, we got to see him run.

Hi. You wanted to see me?

Yes, I wanted to talk to you about
the email you sent me last night.

I sent you an email?

You bet you did.

"Hello, shalom and aloha
from the grave of Richard Feynman."

Oh, it's coming back to me.

"Please accept the following retraction,

"I know I said physics is dead,

"but it is the opposite of dead.

"If anything, it is undead,
like a zombie.

"Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman
came back as a zombie,

"I would totally let him bite me."

Any chance that's the end?

"I got bit by a squirrel once.

"I had to get rabies shots.

"I cried so much,
my mother said, 'Don't be a baby.'

"In conclusion, physics is great,

"squirrels suck and someday,

"I'm gonna put my mom
in a cheap nursing home.

"Yours truly, XOXO,
Doctor Leonard Hofstadter."

I can explain. I...

"P.S.

"Can you come pick us up?

"The Uber driver won't open the door

"because Sheldon is covered
in blue vomit."