All language subtitles for Keeping.Up.With.the.Kardashians.S03E05.All.for.One.and.One.for.Kim.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-playWEB

>> KENDAL/KYLIE: Dad! Dad!
>> BRUCE: What?

>> KENDAL/KYLIE: The fries are
burnt!

>> KRIS: Oh, my God, calm down.
>> BRUCE: Mom put them in there.

>> KRIS: Oh, my God, sorry.

Are they squished?
Oh!

>> BRUCE: Honey, what are you
doing?

>> KRIS: Making some French
fries.

>> BRUCE: Are you always dressed
like that when you make

French fries?
>> KRIS: We're going out to

dinner.
>> BRUCE: What do you mean we're

going out to dinner?
I'm watching the game.

>> KRIS: We're going out to
dinner with the Katzes.

>> BRUCE: I thought we had the
night off, the game is on.

>> KHLOE: That was a bad throw.
>> BRUCE: I wanted to watch

the game.
>> KRIS: Take me out to dinner,

I'm begging.
Every time we go out, Bruce

makes it feel like so much work.
And it just brings me down.

Dinner is not drama.
>> BRUCE: Dinner's drama.

>> KRIS: Dinner is-- you get
dressed, you look nice, you

go out.
>> BRUCE: The faster we go, the

faster we'll get back.
>> KRIS: Going to dinner with

Grandpa-- this ought to be fun.
Captioning sponsored by

BUNIM-MURRAY PRODUCTIONS
>> KRIS: You're right here.

>> KHLOE: The wind, you guys--
is this necessary?

>> KRIS: Go change.
Awful.

>> KOURTNEY: No, that is not
cute.

>> ROBERT: I need someone to
make me laugh.

>> KRIS: Where's Kim?
Kim is always late. Duh.

>> KIM: I'm here.
>> KOURTNEY: Get out of our way.

>> KIM: Stop, jealous.
>> BRUCE: Stop!

>> KRIS: That's enough.
>> KIM: Stop.

>> All right, you guys.
>> That's it, we're done.

>> Money.

>> KOURTNEY: Mom, do you like
either of these shoes?

>> KRIS: Those.
>> KOURTNEY: And not these,

right?
magazine is throwing me a

party to honor my first magazine
cover.

>> WOMAN: Bruce, what if you
really start feeling it?

What if when T.I. hits that
stage...?

>> BRUCE: Who's T.I.?
>> KOURTNEY: A rapper who--

>> AKA "Tip."
>> BRUCE: Oh, this is going to

be really exciting.
>> Yeah.

>> BRUCE: I'm looking forward to
this.

Don't want to go.
I know what it's going to be

like when I get there.
Just stupid people talking.

Nothing's going to happen.
It's just like a waste of my

time.
Honey, how are we getting there?

Are you going with them?
>> KRIS: No, I will go with you.

We're going in this car.
>> BRUCE: What car?

>> KRIS: They have a car for us.
>> BRUCE: Oh, I'd just as soon

drive myself.
>> KRIS: I'll go in the car, you

drive yourself.
>> BRUCE: What do you want a

car for?
>> KRIS: 'Cause they sent it

for us.
>> BRUCE: We can actually drive.

>> KRIS: We're going to take
a car.

>> BRUCE: Why would we sit in
a car?

>> KRIS: Because gas is
expensive.

>> BRUCE: Gas is expensive.
So are those earrings you're

wearing, honey.
You can buy a lot of gas.

>> (reporters clamoring)
>> KIM: Kourtney's hosting a big

magazine party, 'cause she
is the new cover girl.

And of course, when one of us is
doing something that's really

important, we all go in support.
So tonight is Kourtney's night.

>> PEREZ HILTON: Perez.
>> KRIS: I don't know whether to

hug you or kill you.
Every time we go to these

parties, everybody is having
so much fun.

But I know it's just a matter of
time before Bruce is asking me

to leave.
>> BRUCE: Are you ready?

Let's get out of here.
>> KRIS: In a minute.

>> BRUCE: No, let's get out now.
>> KOURTNEY: Bruce is just a

very mellow guy.
He likes to stay home.

I think Kris is very selfish
when it comes to Bruce's needs

and wants.

>> KRIS: Wow. Hi. How are you?
>> KIM: I've been working with

New Wave Fragrances for about a
year now, and we're finally

getting close to releasing a Kim
Kardashian perfume.

>> I think between you and your
name and your elegance and the

product, we could have something
really amazing.

>> KIM: Two years ago I
trademarked the name "Dashing"

in fragrance...
>> KRIS: Waiting for this

moment.
>> It's amazing.

>> KIM: All we need to do now is
to perfect the scent.

I just love it, "Dashing by
Kim Kardashian."

>> MAN: It has a certain ring
to it.

>> KRIS: Hey, honey.
>> BRUCE: Hmm.

(lips smacking)
>> KRIS: Honey, you're like,

you're always slurping.
>> BRUCE: Please, Kris.

Please, just don't criticize.
I'm fine.

>> KRIS: Okay, well, can I just
talk to you about one thing?

I just feel really bad.
Every time you go out with me

and the kids...
>> BRUCE: Right.

>> KRIS: Or just me, you are
just always bored to tears.

>> BRUCE: I am bored.
Like the other night.

It's like a bunch of people
running around talking about

nothing.
>> KRIS: It's like you're not

with the program.
>> BRUCE: But that's not my kind

of program.
Sometimes it just drives me

crazy.
So often, it's not her coming

over to me in my life-- it's me
going over into her life.

>> KRIS: You were like sitting
in the chair bored.

>> BRUCE: I was bored.
Boring.

>> KRIS: I just want you to have
a good time.

>> BRUCE: But I have a good time
doing what I want to do, not

what you want to drag me to.
>> KRIS: Okay, well, you've got

a stick up your ass right now.

I got into such a fight with
Bruce.

>> KOURTNEY: Why?
>> KRIS: Because, you know, I'm

kind of over him going to every
single event with us and being

so bored to tears at all times.
>> KOURTNEY: He doesn't have to

want to go.
He's a 60-year-old man.

He doesn't have to go to clubs.
>> KRIS: All he wants to do is

play with his helicopter.
I'm married to a 60-year-old man

who wants to play with his toys.
>> KOURTNEY: Okay, well, he's

married to a
50-something-year-old woman who

wants to go to events and clubs.
Bruce is like an active guy, and

he would rather do active stuff.
Well, why don't you do, you

know, some Bruce stuff, and if
he sees that you're trying, then

maybe he'll try.
>> KRIS: That's a good idea.

I could.
>> KOURTNEY: All right, I'm

going to do some filing.
>> KRIS: Got it.

>> KIM: I'm at the Givaudan
perfumery, where they actually

create the scent that will be
bottled up.

>> LAUREN: So come on back.
>> KIM: Lauren, who runs

Givaudan, pulled together from
our conversations, different

scents that she thought that I
would love.

>> LAUREN: So these are the
three they've made for you based

on the comments, to make it a
little bit stronger, adding a

little bit of the Vixen elements
into the Velvet Rope.

>> KIM: First you come up with
the juice that you feel best

describes, you know, your
personality.

I can't smell the green one as
much.

>> We can add more musk.
Musk is very creamy and very

sexy, very skin-like.
>> KIM: Kourtney and Khloe are

going to be so excited.
I really hope that after we get

my perfume, we can do one for
the store.

This process for them-- they
will love it.

>> KRIS: All right, Kim.
Did I put too much?

>> Oh, it's perfect.
>> KIM: This is perfect.

>> KRIS: Whoo!
Good job, everybody.

>> (cheering)
>> WOMAN: All right, Kim.

>> Cheers!

>> KRIS: Hey, guys.
>> KOURTNEY & KHLOE: Hey, Mom.

>> KRIS: Guess what?
I just finished closing

a perfume deal for Kim.
>> KOURTNEY: What perfume deal?

>> KRIS: The perfume deal that
she's doing with New Wave

Fragrances.
We just closed the deal.

I'm so excited.
>> KHLOE: What's it called?

>> KRIS: Her first fragrance is
gonna be called "Dashing by Kim

Kardashian."
>> KHLOE: Excuse me?

Excuse me?
You don't think that contradicts

itself having our store being
called Dash and that we were

supposed to have a perfume
called "Dash" together?

>> KRIS: We thought the first
fragrance that Kim would come

out with would be "Dashing,"
and then the second fragrance

would be with you girls.
We've already discussed it with

everybody, and it's gonna be
Dash with the three sisters.

>> KHLOE: How the hell does that
make any sense, "Dashing" and

then "Dash"?
Seriously.

My sisters and I have always
said we're gonna do a clothing

line together, a perfume line
together, a makeup line,

everything that has to do with
something that we can

incorporate into our stores.
>> KRIS: I think when you have a

chance to hear our reasoning and
what we have for the whole big

picture...
>> KOURTNEY: How do they go two

years and not mention this
perfume deal?

Like that's just shady.
When we hang up the phone, Lily

says every day, "Have a dashing
day."

>> KHLOE: We need a commission
'cause this is our name as a

trio.
We trademarked it.

>> KRIS: Now you're going too
too far.

You're not getting commissioned
on Kim's fragrance deal.

>> KHLOE: Are you?
>> KRIS: Of course I am.

I'm her manager.
>> KHLOE: This was how it was

supposed to be done from day
one, the three of us.

>> KRIS: Really?
>> KHLOE: And now you come in

the picture and you go ahead and
you get Kim her own deal first,

and then it's the three of us?
(bleep) that (bleep).

Who the (bleep) is gonna want a
secondhand perfume?

>> KRIS: I disagree, and I'm
usually right on with these

feelings.
>> KHLOE: No, you're not.

>> KRIS: Yes, I am.
>> KHLOE: You're not.

I will sue the (bleep) out of
you.

>> KOURTNEY: Suing?
>> KRIS: Are you insane?

>> KHLOE: No, I will sue.
>> KRIS: You're gonna sue,

you're gonna sue me?
>> KHLOE: I'm gonna sue.

I'm out of here.
I don't want to have this

discussion.
>> KRIS: You're being really

unreasonable, Khloe.
>> KHLOE: I don't give a

flying (bleep) what I'm being.
This sucks.

>> KIM: We're not joined at the
hip, I'm allowed to do

whatever I want.
You guys are not good

businesswomen.
>> KHLOE: Why are you in

business with us then?

>> KIM: When Mom first told my
sisters that I got a perfume

deal, they just were so pissed
off.

I think that we really just need
to sit down and talk about this.

>> KRIS: What is the drama about
using the name "Dashing"?

>> KHLOE: Because Kourtney and I
work every single day at the

stores, and let Kim take the
credit and talk in all the

articles about Dash.
Everyone thinks Dash is only

hers.
>> KRIS: I think you guys have

to stay united and realize that
anything that either one of you

does builds the whole Kardashian
brand.

>> KIM: My sisters just really
need to understand that I need

to do this perfume on my own,
and then it'll lead to a

perfume with the three of us.
We're working to do-- in my

perfume deal-- our second
perfume doing a Dash perfume for

the store.
>> KHLOE: I don't want charity

work, people.
>> KRIS: There's no charity

work, Khloe.
This is a long-term plan that's

been discussed.
>> KIM: Dash could not get a

perfume without me doing my
perfume first, and that's what

you have to realize.
>> KHLOE: That's not true.

If they want you, they want you.
>> KOURTNEY: Do you want us to

ride on your coattails?
>> KIM: No. Are the calls coming

in for you to do a perfume?
>> KRIS: You're really

shortsighted if you're going to
begrudge Kim from doing this,

and we've worked too hard.
>> KOURTNEY: Oh, my God, get

over yourself.
>> KRIS: I'm really sorry you

feel this way.
>> KOURTNEY: Obviously, you

leave when you don't want to
hear what we have to say.

My mom and Kim are like this
dynamic duo when they get

together, and they always leave
Khloe and I out of the equation.

>> KHLOE: They're so twins.
It's amazing.

>> BRUCE: Now, honey...
>> KRIS: Hmm?

>> BRUCE: These are not easy
to fly.

>> KRIS: Okay.
>> BRUCE: Kris is actually

coming over and wanting to do
some of the things that I like

to do.
>> KRIS: Oh, my God, it's a

joystick.
I've been waiting for this all

my life.
>> BRUCE: No, wait, wait, wait.

You have no-- you really gotta
take your time.

This is just a little beginner
helicopter, but it's kinda scary

to put the remote control in her
hands.

>> KRIS: Is it gonna go up?
(gasps)

>> BRUCE: Give it some throttle.
There you go.

>> KRIS: I'm doing it, I'm doing
it.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
(laughing)

Oh, oh, oh, the poor...
Okay, let me do it again.

Let me do it again.
I got it. I got it. I got it.

>> BRUCE: You gotta get it back
out into the field.

Get out of the way.
Let it down. Let it down!

Now a little bit of gas.
A little more, a little more!

Now too much! Too much!
Into the tree!

Give it some gas.
Give it some gas.

>> KRIS: I'm crashing!
>> BRUCE: Maybe I can get it

back.
Maybe I can get it back.

Give it to me.
No, that's over.

>> (Kris laughing)
(gasps)

Oh, it lost its little legs.
Uh-oh.

I hit somebody's car.
I'm really sorry.

>> I thought it was a bird.
>> BRUCE: Oh, you broke a blade,

too, see?
>> KRIS: I did?

>> BRUCE: There is absolutely no
way she's touching any of my

big helicopters, my real
expensive ones.

It's the end of her helicopter
experience.

>> KOURTNEY: Khlo.
>> KHLOE: What?

>> KOURTNEY: Are we over this
top?

You like it or no?
Are we over it?

>> KHLOE: A little cha-cha-cha.
>> KOURTNEY: I didn't even tell

Scott 'cause I couldn't even get
into it about Kim's doing a

perfume and she's calling it
"Dashing."

I just can't believe that Kim
thinks that's okay.

>> KHLOE: Screw Kim.
I can't believe Mom thinks it's

okay.
Can I show you how she walked

in?
"Oh, my God! Guess, guess what I

just did today?
I just signed the deal.

I finalized it and it's done.
And the name is 'Dashing.'

And, okay."
And we're like...

>> SCOTT: So do something.
>> KHLOE: We tried.

We were jokingly gonna sue her.
>> KOURTNEY: We're not gonna sue

our sister.
>> SCOTT: Why don't you just

make pretend you're suing her?
Either send a fake e-mail or

call.
>> KHLOE: Why don't you call?

You have a guy's voice, and I
know you could, like...

>> KOURTNEY: His voice is so
obvious.

>> KHLOE: Yeah, but you could
disguise it.

I know you could do other
voices.

Kim would know our voice.
>> KOURTNEY: Call.

So we blocked Scott's number,
and Kim's gonna have no idea

who's calling her.
>> KIM: Hello.

>> SCOTT: Yes, hi.
I'm looking for Kim Kardashian.

>> KIM: This is she.
>> SCOTT: This is Patrick

Bateman from Goldstein &
Fuller Law Firm.

>> KIM: Okay. How can I help
you?

>> SCOTT: What this is regarding
is to inform you that Khloe and

Kourtney Kardashian have filed a
suit against you in regards that

you are trademarking the name
"Dashing" out of the ordinary

into a perfume deal.
>> KIM: A subpoena from Dash to

me?
>> SCOTT: Yes.

>> KIM: Can I get your number
and call you back?

>> KHLOE: I mean, it's Scott's
voice.

He sounds ridiculous.
His accent is going in and out,

and the worst part is, is that
Kim is believing every single

thing Scott says.
>> SCOTT: She's shook.

>> KHLOE: You've practiced that
before.

>> KOURTNEY: Did you practice
that?

>> KHLOE: Because that was like
you obviously do that to people.

>> SCOTT: I don't do much, so...
>> KOURTNEY: Do you sit home and

prank call people?
>> SCOTT: (New York accent)

Yeah, I do, huh? Fuhgedaboutit.
>> KOURTNEY: (mimics)

Fughgedabout it, eh?
>> SCOTT: (accent) How ya doin'?

This is Pauly Franknuts and I
got a subpoena after you, huh?

>> (cell phone ring tone)
>> KOURTNEY: This is Mom.

Hello.
>> KRIS: Want to tell me what's

going on?
>> KHLOE: What?!

>> KOURTNEY: Whoa.
>> KRIS: I just got a call from

your sister Kim, who said she
got a call from an attorney, and

you're going to sue your sister?
You better explain right now.

>> KOURTNEY: Okay!
>> KHLOE: It was a joke, you

psychotic (bleep).
>> KOURTNEY: Talk to my lawyer.

>> KRIS: What are you talking
about, Kourtney?

>> SCOTT: Hi, I'm gonna speak on
behalf of Kourtney Kardashian.

This is Patrick Bateman from
Goldstein & Fuller attorneys

offices.
>> KRIS: Scott, this is not

funny.
>> KHLOE: You started this, so

until you give up your 20% and
give Kourtney and I 10%, (bleep)

off.
Ta-ta.

>> BRUCE: Now, you got to help
me with the bike.

You got to get the back end,
I'll get the front end.

It's so long.
The one thing I enjoy about

mountain biking, the
peacefulness.

Out there with Mother Nature.
Now, let's go!

Years ago, Kris had this
beautiful tandem mountain bike

made.
She's been on it maybe twice.

She loves working out.
This could be pretty good.

This might work out.
Up this hill, up this hill.

Come on. (groans)
We're not gonna make it.

(bleep)
>> KRIS: I told you my feet were

gonna get stuck.
>> BRUCE: Let's get a little

speed going, come on.
>> KRIS: I don't want to get

speed, you're scaring me.
Stop it.

You're going too fast, you're
going too fast.

I'm feeling uncomfortable.
And my ass hurts.

This cannot be going any worse.
Instead of making my husband's

day more enjoyable, I actually
made it worse.

>> BRUCE: Once we get to the
top, just the view will be worth

it.
>> KRIS: Well, the only view

I've had all day is of your ass.
>> BRUCE: But it's a cute ass,

isn't it, honey?

>> KRIS: Hey, sweetie, what are
you doing?

>> KYLIE: Stuff.
>> KRIS: Are you ready for bed?

>> KYLIE: Yep.
>> KRIS: How was your day at

school?
>> KYLIE: It was good-- hectic.

>> KRIS: Hectic?
>> KYLIE: What does that mean?

>> KRIS: It means that you had a
really crazy day.

>> KYLIE: Hectic.
Hectic it is.

>> KRIS: Trying to bond with
Bruce has been really a

failure today, so I know where
to go when I need a little

silliness in my life.
>> KYLIE: How was your day,

madre?
>> KRIS: Well, it was all right.

I'm just kind of a little
confused, because I think that

Daddy doesn't think I can do
things that he likes to do.

>> KYLIE: Father likes
motorcycles.

Motorcycle plus hot mama, plus
Bruce, equals chemistry.

>> KRIS: You know, Kylie makes a
good point, because when Bruce

and I were first married, he
bought me a Harley Sportster.

We used to have so much fun.
You are brilliant!

>> KIM: Hey, guys.
Want to see my new perfume

bottles?
If Kourtney and Khloe think that

prank calling me is funny, then
two can play at this game.

I wanted to put these out here
and do little testers.

I pretty much got the final
scent, but I want to test it out

with our customers.
>> KOURTNEY: Kim, can you not

come into our store and start
placing things on the counter?

>> KIM: Your store?
>> KOURTNEY: We just cleaned our

store and put our counter...
>> KIM: This is my store, too.

>> KOURTNEY: We don't want a
bunch of (bleep) on the counter.

>> KIM: There's not gonna be a
bunch of (bleep).

There's gonna be a few samples.
>> KOURTNEY: For what?

>> KIM: 'Cause I want to test
out my new perfume.

We have candles, we have water
bottles.

>> KHLOE: Yeah, but this is
not a sample sale.

>> KOURTNEY: Your perfume with
our name?

Clearly, stealing our name.
>> KIM: I'm not stealing your

name.
I'm not stealing your name.

I trademarked it two years ago.
>> KOURTNEY: You've been keeping

this secret for two years from
us and not telling us about--

>> KIM: We're not triplets.
We're not joined at the hip.

I'm allowed to do whatever I
want.

You guys are not good
businesswomen.

You don't know anything about
business.

>> KHLOE: Why are you in
business with us then?

>> KIM: You know what?
You're right, you are so right.

I'm gonna talk to Mom and talk
to our attorneys and get out of

our partnership, because there's
no reason why the three of us

have to be in business together.
>> KHLOE: Ta-ta.

>> KIM: It's not worth it.
You guys don't get business.

>> KHLOE: You'll miss us later,
honey, when no one else will do

your dirty work.

>> KRIS: This perfume battle has
gotten so out of hand that I

think I need to bring the girls
together to have a meeting

face-to-face.
So I've invited them all to

lunch, and they don't know each
other's coming, so this ought to

be interesting.
We have another guest.

Hey, Kim.
Come on in.

All right, listen, you guys.
I have a plan.

I'm really sick and tired of you
guys behaving the way you've

been behaving.
I can't take it anymore.

I'm not gonna be a referee.
>> KOURTNEY: My mom tries to

trap us in a room, so we can all
be forced to talk.

Like I have nothing to say to
Kim right now.

>> KRIS: We're not making a lot
of headway here.

You guys need to be maybe a
little bit more mature and work

it out.
>> KHLOE: I don't give a

(bleep).
I don't know anything.

All I know is someone comes into
my store, really energetic.

(gasps)
"We just got a perfume done for

Kim Kardashian Dashing."
What do you want me to do, jump

for (bleep) joy?
For what?

>> KRIS: You know, some days, so
much happens in a day that I can

barely keep up with myself.
You know, and I just want you

guys to be proud of me.
I really do.

>> KIM: Mom, we are proud of
you.

>> KRIS: I just don't think like
you are.

Every time I try to do
something, I feel like one of

you is getting mad at me.
>> KHLOE: I'm not mad at you.

I feel like you're a mom, just
doing all you-- are you...?

Kourtney, are... (gasps)
I am shocked that Kourtney just

starts crying.
I like never see Kourtney cry.

That's the weirdest thing I've
ever seen.

>> KOURTNEY: I really do
appreciate my mom.

And whenever I see my mom cry,
it just makes me sad.

I just think this wasn't really
explained to us.

If you guys would've came at us
that way instead of Mom racing

in the store, screaming and
cheering and how the name is

Dashing.
That was the first we'd heard of

it.
>> KIM: Yeah, that makes sense.

I definitely think both of us,
you know, should've communicated

better.
All of us should've communicated

better.
>> KRIS: I won't let that happen

again.
I'll keep you in the loop.

I feel really bad.
I want our family to stay

tight-knit.
I don't want anything to pull us

apart.
Let's all do our best.

>> KIM: I really don't think
this fight was about perfume.

I think this fight was about the
connection that my sisters and I

have.
>> KRIS: I love you.

>> KHLOE: Love you, too.
I admit that I might have

reacted a little too quickly to
Kim's perfume deal.

But I do know that Kim and my
mom have my best interests at

heart.
Are you okay?

>> KOURTNEY: Yes. I don't like
when people cry.

Boo-hoo.

>> (phone ringing)
>> BRUCE: Hello.

>> KRIS: Hey, honey.
>> BRUCE: Hey, babe, how you

doing?

Yeah.

This woman is up to something,
and I don't know what it is.

All right, I'll meet you up
there.

All right, love you.
See you in a little bit then.

Bye.

>> KRIS: Hey, honey.
I used to ride motorcycles back

in the day.
And now I just need to remind

Bruce that I can really shake it
up when I want to.

I'm gonna throw you on the back,
and now you can ride on the back

when I'm driving.
>> BRUCE: Every relationship

develops throughout the years.
I got my thing, and she's got

her thing.
We meet in the middle.

>> KRIS: I found something that
I love to do that you love to

do, so we can do this together.
I'll take you for the ride of

your life.
(chuckles)

Here we go.
(bleep)

>> (Bruce laughs)
>> KRIS: I just can't...

Here we go.
Whoo!

This is so great.
And I don't know what I was ever

worried about.
Bruce and I still know how to

have some fun.
This is a big turn.

>> BRUCE: You're going too fast.
>> KRIS: I'm not going too fast.

>> BRUCE: Brake, brake, brake!
>> KRIS: Yee-ow!

Keeping Up
With the Kardashians...

I am adopted.
>> KIM: Khloe needs a DNA test.

>> KHLOE: Yes, let's get a DNA
test.

>> KRIS: Khloe, what are you
doing?!

>> ROBERT: I'm not a stranger to
tattoos.

I've always been wanting to get
another one.

>> KHLOE: My God, calm down.
>> KRIS: Shut up, Khloe!

When you have a son with a
(bleep) tattoo the size of

Alabama on his chest!