All language subtitles for Half.Man.S01E06.1080p.10bit.WEBRip.6CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

- What are you doing?
- Changing.

- Changing for what?
- Just changing.

Why have you brought wraps?

Look, if you're not gonna speak, Ruben,
I'm not gonna stick around much longer.

You love me, don't you?

What?

You love me?

- Where is this going?
- Just answer the question.

Well, of course I do.
You're my, uh...

No.

No caveats.
Stick with the emotion.

- Where do you feel it?
- Hmm?

Your love for me.

Where do you feel it?

Is it here?

Listen, Ruben, I am not
sure what this is all about.

Just answer the question.

I suppose love is most felt
in the heart, right?

No, fuck that
fucking mug response.

Answer as you.

I want to know
where Niall Kennedy feels it.

- I feel it everywhere.
- Everywhere?

Yeah, it sort of runs
through me in a way.

- Describe it.
- I can't! I can't describe it!

Yes, you fucking can!

Mr. fucking Poet Laureate,
or whatever the fuck

it is you've won, your job
is putting shit into words.

So come on. Spell it out for me.

Clearly.

In a way I can understand.

It's like...

- dangerous.
- Oh, yeah?

It is the best

and the worst thing all at once.

It's like the only thing.

It's the only thing
I've ever felt.

It's like I'm fucking...

high off of you or something.

Chemically dependent.
I don't know.

Hmm.

So how long did you wait?

- In terms of?
- Before you swooped in.

Before you took what's mine.

I'm not speaking about this.

Fuck.

- You ready?
- Yeah, sorry. Just coming.

Okay.

Who has the first question?
Yes, madam.

Niall, your book
has been heralded

as a modern masterpiece.

Can you speak to the room
about how you managed

to paint such an accurate
portrait of male violence?

A good novelist never
reveals his sources.

Reveal your sources, then!

Sorry, no can do...

compadre.

But the book is clearly based
on your brother,

who's been involved
in two high-profile

serious assault cases
in this country,

the last of which almost cost
Benjamin Thompson his life.

No, my book had
nothing to do with any of that.

My brother informed some
of the research, yes,

but it's important to remember
that this is a work of fiction.

It's not a biography.

It would have been very easy
for me to write a biography.

Yes, but your book
follows a violent

central character called Cosmo,

who, despite everything he does,
is portrayed as a victim

of emotions he cannot control.

Were you trying to defend
his actions in some way?

Not in the slightest.

Let's bring the microphone
to the next person, please.

Ease up a bit, yeah?
You’re stiff as fuck.

Yep, go ahead.

Following on
from the last question,

you appear to be a little
defensive today in your answers.

But to me,
your brother's conviction

was so in the public domain.

Surely you could see
that parallels would be drawn.

Yes, but what
about the dialogue?

The characters,
the portrait of mental health?

I mean,
those didn't come from him.

My apologies.

We're just interested in getting
to know the man

- behind the story.
- Well, that's me.

I'm the man behind the story.

- I understand that, but...
- Look, I'm sorry,

but does anyone here have
any questions about me?

Seriously?

Call yourselves journalists?

So for the remaining 20 minutes,

we will only be taking questions

which relate to the author
and the writing process

behind this novel.

So does anyone have
any questions...

on that?

Oh, mate, mate.

This is hilarious.

Oh, man. Oh, mate.

Mate, what were you thinking?

Fucking hell.
Hey, check this bit out.

"When all questions
were directed at the author,

the room fell silent.

One reporter, eventually,
shoved up his hand,

but he only did to ask
where the bathroom was."

Oh!
That is good. That is good.

I think I might go.

Oh, look, don't do that,
you surly little bitch.

Come on. I'm in prison.

I need to take what I can
to cheer myself up.

- You shouldn't enjoy it so much.
- Oh, fuck off.

Why do you care anyway,
you penis?

'Cause...

they only ask about you.

Oh, come on, Bambers.

I'm the main character
in this relationship.

When are you gonna realize that?

At best, you're my sidekick.

At worst, you're the guy that
brings me my lunch.

Look, I get it.

I cast a big shadow,
even within four walls.

But, hey, if you can't handle
the questions,

why'd you base the book
on me in the first place?

Because I felt...

I don't know...

something.

Guilty?

Why would you say that?

You know, for the Mona thing.

I'm sorry?

Not keeping an eye
on her properly.

Letting that Benji fucker
swoop in.

Oh, yeah. No.

No, I mean...

Obviously, I couldn't watch her
all the time.

Hmm.

She still denies it, you know.

That she slept with him.

Since when?

Since, I don't know,
like a week ago, maybe.

She visited?

Yeah. First time in,
like, three years.

Brought little Baird
with her, too.

- Fucking love that little guy.
- She brought Baird with her?

Yeah. Miracle child.

Three years old now. It's crazy.

Can you believe it?
Us. Fathers.

I know you don't get
to see yours often,

but check us out, eh?

Two strapping fucking dads.

I don't understand. I thought
there were rules in place.

- I thought you couldn't see him.
- I couldn't.

But she's changed her mind
and all that now.

I tell you,

it's the greatest motivation
for keeping my nose clean

in here, getting out
before he's old enough

to realize where I am.

But this is so out of the blue,
Ruben. I mean...

Why did she visit?

I thought she was
with someone else now.

She was, but it's over.

Why? Why is it over?

She was calling out
my name during sex.

I don't know that for facts.

I just assume
that's what happened.

But, like, I mean, did she say
what she was after?

No.

But something was bothering her.

I couldn't really
say what it was about.

You didn't get it out of her?

No.

But I will.

I will.

It's been four years, Mona.

I don't understand. Why now?

I'm fucking lonely, okay?

Little Baird's
at playgroup all day,

and Luke's leaving me,

and I fucking
miss him, you know?

Well, get him back, then.

Fucking Ruben.
It's Ruben I miss.

No, no, no. We're not going back
over this again.

It's broken. Move on.

You can't build a relationship
on what we've done.

Those kinds of secrets,

they'll destroy you
from the inside out.

They won't if I tell him.

If I wipe the slate clean.

Mona, he'll kill us.

- He'll kill you.
- Oh, and then what?

You'll have a relationship
between plastic prison dividers

for the rest of your life.
You're not thinking straight.

Here, put this down.

Get away from me, you pig!

Mona, come on now.

You're not
thinking rationally here.

I mean, what happened to compartmentalizing?
You used to be so good at that.

It all catches up
with you in the end.

Compartmentalizing is just
taking something from your mind

and putting it on your soul.

Come on,
Mona, that's ridiculous.

You're only thinking
about yourself.

No, I'm not.
This is about little Baird, too.

He is getting to that age
now, and he's going to need

a masculine role model
in his life.

Well, I can be that for him.

Didn't you hear
what I just said?

The truth is Ruben wants
to be a part of his life,

and I've agreed to all that now.

And I'll be damned
if I'm staring on

while the poor bastard raises
the kid thinking he's his.

The kid is his.

No, he's not. He's yours.

Don't say it.
Don't even utter it.

You'll reinforce it
in your head,

and it'll come out
your stupid mouth one day

when you're steaming
fucking drunk.

How did I burn it all down
for you, eh?

A nasty little ogre of a man.

Pull yourself together, okay?

Get Luke back, ditch the sauce,
and be an example to your kid.

Don't make me come
around here again.

There she is.

- Hello, darling.
- Hey, Butch.

I haven't seen you in a while.

No, no, I've been working a lot.

Ugh! Can't be doing that now.

You, uh, bring
any naughty substances?

No, not tonight.

Thinking of having
a chilled one.

In here?

Impossible.

Hmm.

We'll see how long you last.

Hey, Butch? Wait up.

Oh, shit.

Where have you been?

I'm so sorry.
I came as soon as I could.

I can't...

- So is she...?
- Almost.

- I'm so sorry, Mum.
- Meh.

She was a nightmare
towards the end.

Nice to have you both
share an ambulance, though.

My contribution
to a stretched NHS.

So what happens now?

Well, we'll get
the death certificate.

Then the funeral home will come
and take her away

and pump her full
of preservative.

I imagine it's
like basting a chicken.

- Have you told Ruben?
- No.

I've decided you're going to.

Oh, and don't even think
about skipping the funeral.

It's likely the prison
will let him out,

and you have
to be there for him, okay?

And for God's sake,
go get yourself checked out.

You've probably got
some awful virus

from those places
you've been going.

Yes, ma'am.

This way, please,
Mr. Kennedy.

Here. Thank you.

I... I'm sorry, that... that guy
in the room, across the hall.

Is he called Albert?

Yeah. That's right. How come?

Oh, it's just, um,

I knew him once.

We lived together at university.

Wow. Small world.

Yes. Yeah.

Please, sit.

The exit?

It’s just down
the corridor to the left.

Thanks.

How you doing, mate?
This guy says he knows you.

- When was he here?
- He just left.

Niall!

Niall!

Alby!

- What a surprise.
- I know you saw me.

What are you doing working here?

I thought you studied
philosophy.

I did.

I went back to uni
to make up for lost time.

Nursing was actually
my fourth degree in the end.

Turns out I have wanderlust.

You look...

good.

Well, it's a couple
of facial reconstructions

since the last time you saw me.

Unfortunately, I'm still a bit
more Picasso than Da Vinci

for my liking,
but it's getting there.

I heard about the book, though.
That's exciting.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The, uh, details
on your clipboard, less so.

Oh, isn't that,
uh, confidential?

Took a little peek.

Sorry.

Ladies.

Really, Niall? Ladies?

Oh, fuck it! I lied.

I'm sorry. I just...
I felt vulnerable, I suppose.

You never change, do you?

I know.
It's... it's tragic.

Well, the good thing is,
we can help.

We, uh...

We also offer support
for those who partake

in chemsex parties.

If you're interested.

And what makes you think
I need that?

I can tell.

After all,
I've been there myself.

It is quite the hole to get
out of, take it from me.

It is good
to see you, old friend.

There he is,
Edgar Allan Poe-faced cunt.

Fuck me, man.

You should have
been here last night.

The heat was unreal.

The one day a year
where the sun graces us

with her presence
and she decides

to hotbox our cell.

Honestly, man,
it was fucking sweltering.

I went for a shit
and my testicles ended up

about a half inch
beneath the water.

Ruben, Maura died.

Hmm.

Was it quick?

- Was what quick?
- Her death.

Well, no.

She was diagnosed, like,
20 years ago.

Yeah, but, like,
she went peacefully?

Peacefully. Yeah.

Obviously,
factor in the last few years

of considerable decline.

- Just say yes.
- Yes.

Were you, like,
with her when she passed?

No. Uh...

I was in the waiting room.

I felt a little sick
looking at her

back at the house,
so I kept away.

You didn't spew, did you?

You always fucking spew.

Well, yeah,
I might have, actually.

You didn't spew on her, did you?

- Well, I...
- You spewed on my dying mother?

I suppose
when you put it like that.

This is not
how I expected this to go.

That fucking cunt.

- Who?
- Benji.

He took these years from me.

No, Ruben, you can't go there.

You've been learning to let go
of your anger, have you not?

- Yeah, but now it's back.
- No, no, no.

Process it like they taught you.

This is just grief,
and you're shouldering it

onto the nearest emotion
that you know.

Fuck that!

Don't you psychoanalyze me, pup!

You don't know a damn thing
about my emotions.

Well, I do a bit.

I mean, my dad
died too, remember?

Oh, fuck off!

At least you got the chance
to say goodbye.

Imagine not being there
for him on his deathbed

because some cunt
took it from you.

- No, that'd be horrible.
- Yeah, exactly!

So you think about that
before you start talking

about my damn emotions!

And you tell that Benji cunt,
wherever he is,

that when I get out here,
I'm gonna find him.

And I'm gonna finish
what I should've done

the first time around.

I'm not gonna do that, Ruben.

You're fucking doing it, yeah?

You’re fucking doing it,
Niall Kennedy, yeah!

Say it! Yeah?

I've got your fucking balls!

Don't you fucking forget it!

You're fucking doing this!

Yeah? You hear me?

You don't fucking say no to me,
you little cunt!

You're fucking doing this, yeah?

Yeah!

You little fucking prick!

You fucking little prick!

You're doing this!

You fucking don't say no to me!

You cunt!

You're fucking doing this!

Niall Kennedy?

This way, please.

Oh, sorry. I didn't know
you were, uh, taking this one.

I thought that my presence here
might make it easier

for you to be honest
about what you've been doing.

Fill this out.

Wow, you've had half of Glasgow.

Right. Okay.

Would you like the bad news
or the good news?

Bad news.

Classic.

Uh, so the bad news is
you have syphilis and chlamydia.

But the good news is
it's curable.

We'll put you on antibiotics.

It'll clear up
in three to six weeks.

Easy money.

Thank you.

Anything else
I can help you with?

Yeah. Uh...

What time do you finish?

In about ten minutes.

You don't, uh...

fancy a drink, do you?

Well, with a sexual history
as extensive as this,

how can I say no?

So he just started screaming?

Yeah, it was terrifying.

He said he was
gonna kill the guy.

And did this Benji guy actually
sleep with his wife?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Wow, brave man.

And they have a kid together,
Ruben and this Mona girl?

Yeah.

You mean it could be Benji's?

Ruben always had
difficulty conceiving.

Surely, he must suspect
something, no?

Mm, I'm not sure.

I mean,
even if he had the thought,

I don't think
he pays it much attention.

He's wanted a kid for so long.

Tends to override
any rational thinking.

Have you told him you're gay?

I'm bi.

- Have you told him you're bi?
- No.

- Have you told anyone you're bi?
- Not really.

Have you told yourself?

No.

Oh, Niall.

I had such hopes for you.

Have you even
opened yourself up enough

to have feelings for a man?

Yeah, only once.

What was he like?

He was...

great.

Really quite amazing.

I'm talking about you
by the way.

I figured.

Look, you...

You don't, um...

fancy getting to know
one another again, do you?

I mean, you can think about it,
if you like.

I mean, you'd probably rather
slap me in my face, but...

I don't think I could live
with myself if I didn't...

How's Friday?

Sure.

I'll see you then.

And behave now!
I don't want to hear

you've been going back
to any of those places.

One, please.

So are you into this guy, then?

Yeah, I think so.

Feels like he could be
something, you know?

That's great, babe.

I'm really happy for you.

- Butch?
- Huh?

What's he about?

People watch, bubby.

You should know that by now.

Yeah, but he's not
touching himself or anything.

He's just watching.

Okay.
Gi... Give me a sec.

Yeah. Yeah.

He's a freak.

I mean, should I say something?

- What would you say?
- I dunno.

"Why aren't you
touching yourself?"

Leaves you open
for criticism there, bubs.

Yeah, but I can't carry
on like this

with him just staring.

He's not moving his face.

Just ignore it, bubby.

Drugs will kick in any moment

and you won't care
about a thing.

No, I'm gonna say something.

Can I help you, mate?

Yeah.

Do I recognize you?

I fucking hope not.

Don't worry.

I'm the best lawyer in the game.

Just remember to blink
for fuck's sake.

So, gents, this place
is actually a renowned sex club.

Hmm!

Can you explain your reasons
for being here?

It's a naturist spa, actually.

You know, if you turn up
in those types of uniforms,

people are gonna get confused.

Deep breath in and out, please.

Back in a moment.

You're not helping.

- Just go. I'll see you later.
- No way.

I'm not leaving you to die
in a homophobic institution

where they'll do
God knows what to you.

This was a car crash,
Butch, not a murder.

And Britain, not Chechnya.

Just go, before they arrest
the both of us.

Breath is clean.

But we'll have
to do bloods, I'm afraid.

No, look, I veered wrong.
That's all it was.

Listen, I'm very sorry,
but we're going to have

to bring you into the station.

Before you do that,

I'll just have a quick word
with my client.

Don't worry,
I'll get you down there.

Okay? And if you've
got anything on you,

I suggest you tuck it
under the old ball sack.

They can't do a full-body search
for a crime this small. Hmm?

I'll see you in a bit.

Wait, you're not driving,
are you?

Oh, thank fuck.

I have a funeral today
and I'm miles from home.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it's my mum's friend,
but they're, uh...

Well, they're very close.

Sounds like an excuse, kid.

Well, just charge me then!

I was high! Write it up!

Bloods came back
positive for meth

and crack cocaine.

Oh.

I didn't know
about the second one.

Can you explain your decision

to drive whilst
under the influence?

Look, my client
might have been spiked,

so I suggest you charge him now,

and we will fight this
to the very end.

Your client also admitted it
to a guard earlier.

Right. Did he?

You don't help yourself, do you?

Niall Brandon Kennedy,

you are hereby charged
with driving

whilst under the influence
of drugs.

- You're not obliged to say anything.
- Brandon?

But it may harm your defense
if you do not mention

when questioned something
which you later rely on in court.

You will be granted bail
subject to conditions,

which will be explained to you
in due course.

It is never easy to say goodbye.

But we take comfort in knowing

that while her earthly journey
has ended,

her soul has found comfort
in the arms of our merciful God.

Maura was a proud woman,

- not in vanity.
- Excuse me. Sorry, guys.

- Or boastfulness.
- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

She carried herself
with dignity.

I'm sorry I'm late.

- And with a strength...
- You're a disgrace.

That did not demand attention.

She was a kind woman,
not just in words,

but in deeds.

Whether it was
a neighbor in need,

a friend in sorrow,

or a stranger
who simply crossed her path...

And now, her dearly
beloved son, Ruben Pallister,

would like to say a few words.

Thanks everyone for coming.

Can you hear me at the back?

You know, I've, uh...

I've tried so hard
to put into words

what my mum means to me,

and, uh, this is
the best I can do.

One side of A4.

I'm not sure what I feel
right now, to be honest, though.

I feel a lot of guilt,
a lot of anger,

a lot of remorse.

The last thing
I feel, in a way...

is grief.

You know, it's funny.

Even though
I expected this day to come

every day
for over ten years now,

nothing can quite
prepare you for it.

Every time I get
a call in prison...

you think it's her.

"Just joking. Still alive."

Not that she joked very much.

You know, I... I sometimes think
death isn't so much about

missing the person,

but missing the relationship
you could have had with them.

And, uh, we could have
been special,

my mum and I, had I just...

focused a bit.

There was this window
in my life where I felt like,

for the first time ever,
things might be okay between us.

Um...

I passed this exam
back at school, and...

she smiled this smile.
I don't know. It was like

her eyes joined her mouth
for the first time.

Her...
face became whole in a way.

I don't... Sorry, I'm...

I'm going off-script a bit here.

I saw relief.

I saw pride.

Well, I cheated that exam.

And when she found out,
her face, like,

went back to how it was before.

Smiling with her mouth,
but not with her eyes,

only heavier now, and...

by the time she was visiting me
in prison every week, she was

almost unrecognizable.

You see, I've made a lot
of mistakes in my life.

Seventeen years in prison.

A third of my life stuck
in a fucking box.

When I could have been out there
spending time with my mother.

And I promised her,

when I got out the first time,

that I would never
go back in again

as long as she was breathing.

Well, I broke that promise.

And soon, she wasn't breathing.

So I'm sorry, Mum.

I'm sorry you've had
to wait until now

to hear me accept some sort
of responsibility.

And I'm sorry for all the things
I put you through.

You know,

in a weird way,

I'm sort of glad the cancer
came back to take you...

because it saved me being
the cause of your death.

So be at rest now, Mum.

I'll see you in the next life...

where I'll do everything
in my power...

to make up for this one.

You okay?

Hey, little fella.

Angry?
You're asking me if I'm angry?

Don't know the meaning
of the word angry.

I'm fucking furious.

I mean, let's bloody
well break down

what you did this afternoon.

You arrive late, sweating
like a bloody pedophile,

and you spend most of your time
in the bathroom sniffing coke.

I'm sorry, Mum.

Why don't you just admit it?

You wanted to ruin this funeral
from the start.

- I didn't.
- Oh, come on.

You've always had
a problem with her.

This is your way
of getting her back.

No, it wasn't.
I promise I was just...

Okay? I'll be right back.

Sorry, Mum, will you
just excuse me a moment?

No, don't!

What are you doing?

I'm showing solidarity.

The best solidarity you can show
is staying the fuck away.

Oh, please.

Only you could put your own
selfish needs before a funeral.

Look, I have told you, but...

Here.

Look, you have done your bit.

And that's lovely, but you need
to stay away from him now.

- Why do I?
- Because you're only gonna hurt him again.

Coming from you?
All you do is hurt him.

That's not true! I've visited him
every week for four years now.

I didn't flounce off
with some fancy man

and then come back because
I couldn't stand the loneliness.

- You are such a prick.
- No, I'm not.

I've done a damn sight more
than you in all this.

I've honored him in books.

I changed the entire narrative
around what he did

to that poor bloke.

That makes up
for one lousy rotten fuck.

- All of it.
- Four years.

That's what I told myself.

If the guilt was still there,
after four years,

I was to do something about it.

Well, you know what
you can do about it?

Kill yourself.

Because you'd be dead anyway.

Do you want to know
the one thing that stops me

from telling him most of all?

It's not fear of how he'll react
or how upset he'll be.

It's because I can never
quite figure out

whether I want to tell him
just to fuck you.

Let him know what a traitorous
little worm you are.

Tell me what?

Oh, sorry, Ruben.

I thought you were
downstairs with Baird.

I mean, how long
you been there for?

Long enough.

Where's your guard?

He's in my pocket, that's where.

Aren't you supposed to be
with him at all times?

Shut the fuck up.

Sounds like there's
something going on here

that I should know about.

No, there's not.

Mona was just leaving, actually.

No, you're fucking not.

Not until you explain.

Explain what?

The hushed whispers,
the fucking cupped conversation!

Because last I heard,
you weren't in touch.

Now you're arguing like
you shared a lifetime together.

So what is it?

What is it?

I'm gonna
give you ten seconds...

to explain...

what could be
so fucking important

that you'd take a time-out
of my mother's funeral

to come up here
and chat away from me.

So what is it?

You motherfuckers.

I mean, we can do a countdown
if you want.

- Ruben, listen.
- Five, four...

- No.
- Ruben, please, just... just listen.

- Three...
- Ruben, please, it's...

Ruben!

I... I thought you were going
for a piss.

I was.

I got caught up chatting.

Well, you can't be
doing that, son.

I almost phoned you in. Come on.

This isn't over.

I know when you're fucking
hiding something, yeah?

- Come on!
- I know when you're fucking lying to me, you rat.

This is my mother's funeral!

You little fucking lying cunt.

Eh? Eh?

I'll stay away, okay?

I promise.

Yeah.

Here.
Medications and some pamphlets.

Hmm.

Hmm. It's good
roach paper, this.

I'm joking.
I'll read them.

What happened?

I was arrested
and charged today.

Crashed my car
outside Bellona's.

Jesus, Niall.

Were you on meth?

Yeah.

My agent called, too.

Someone pictured me outside.

The Sun are gonna
run a story on it.

They're likely
to mention the car park

and where I was.

Everyone's gonna know.

Oh, Niall.

This burden you carry,
it's too much to bear.

Don't you think the universe is
pushing you to take action here?

I don't believe
in that kind of stuff.

Well, I do.

Is some article in a shit-rag
paper really the way

you want to out yourself
to the world?

I mean, what are you scared
of exactly?

What people might think.

But don't all
the important people

in your life already know?

Ruben doesn't.

Oh, why don't you
just tell him, Niall?

I can't.

I just...

- I can't.
- You can.

It might be uneasy at first,

but trust me, you will
tap into a reserve of strength

within you that you didn't
even know you had.

Use this as a chance to open
yourself up to the world.

It's that, or let
a pigeon-brained journalist

decide how to tell your story.

Let's be honest,
after your last two books,

you can't really afford
any more bad writing

out there associated with you.

Fuck you.

Look, just...

go down to the prison tomorrow,

look him straight in the eye,
and say, "This is me."

Or else maybe
you're not man enough

to admit you fuck blokes.

Cup of tea?

I didn't think
I'd see you again.

Last time I put
that kind of fear in you,

we went over a decade.

Yeah.

So do you want to tell me what was
going on between the two of you then?

- Nothing.
- Bullshit.

- Fucking nothing.
- Easy, Ruben.

- I know something went down.
- I'm gay.

Well, I'm bi, but...

maybe it's cleaner to say gay.

- You're bi?
- That's right.

That's what me
and Mona were arguing about.

She wanted to tell you.

To get me back
for snitching about Benji.

You're bi.

Yeah.

You? Bi?

No, I...

I think I'm gay. Sorry.

Let me retract.

I'm gay.

You're gay.

I'm gay.

- Well, you surprised, then?
- Yeah.

At you admitting it.

Ah, come on, Bambers,
I've always had my suspicions.

- Since when?
- Since fucking forever.

Since I found all
that Doctor Who shit

in your wardrobe, you nugget.

Wait, so you're...

- you're not annoyed?
- Annoyed?

What the fuck's it got
to do with me?

Well, you don't
shy away from slurs,

Ruben, at the best of times.

- They're just words.
- No, they're not just words.

- They do damage.
- Only if you let them.

Well, I let them!

I let them every day
of my fucking life, Ruben!

What do you mean,
you're not annoyed?

I'm not anything.

I don't give a fuck who you
stick it in. I mean, why would I?

- Our mums are bent.
- Yeah, but lesbians are cool.

You said that
all the time growing up.

When I was like 17.

If our mums had proved anything,

it's that they're actually
pretty fucking uncool.

This is all your shit, son.

This has got nothing
to do with me.

No chance, Ruben.

You called me a faggot
all the time.

Yeah. I also called you
ugly and thick,

but you're not sitting here
being all insecure about that.

Do you want to know
who the real homophobe was

in your life?

Come here.

I'll tell you.

You.

You were the only one
who cared, Niall.

- You always have been.
- No, not really.

I was bullied
pretty bad in school.

You wouldn't believe
the type of shit

- that they would say to me.
- Yeah, but you listened.

March to the beat
of your own drum,

tends to drown out
the other noise,

that's what I say.

Yeah, but it's not
that easy, Ruben.

It is, Niall. It is.

You've wasted your whole life

dancing to other people's tunes.

But you've never had the rhythm,
let's be honest.

But I'll be fucked
if I'm sitting here

while you make out that I'm
to blame for all your problems.

I'll accept ten to 15 percent,
no more than that.

So you're not annoyed?

No.

Proud, if anything.

They can call us gay and proud.

Wow, I, uh...

- I don't know what to say.
- You don't have to say anything.

Thank you.

Can I tell you something, Niall?

In the spirit of sharing.

It's about my dad.

Yeah.

I hated him.

I know.

I hated him
'cause of what he did to me.

He hit you and stuff?

That was the best of it.

Yeah?

That was the best of it.

Oh my God, Ruben, I'm so sorry.

Fucks you up, man.

Makes you a fucking half-man.

No, mate.

Mate, you're anything
but a half-man.

If you're a half-man,
I hate to think what I am.

A fucking quarter-man.

A bloody dot-man.

Yeah,
but I spent my life proving it.

You know, filling myself back
up to the top.

Well, you succeeded.
No doubt about it.

You know, uh...

My body would, uh...

respond sometimes, you know?

Right.

In a lot of ways, it's the closest
I've ever been with someone.

Is this too much?

No.

No, it's fine.

You know, I would, uh...

I would cum sometimes.

You know?

It is too much.

Sorry.

It is too much.

Do you think less of me?

What? Of course not.

Don't be ridiculous. You're...

You're my hero.

More so now that I know
where you get your armor from.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, look, you don't need
to be sorry, all right?

You felt like you couldn't be
honest with me.

It was all me, all right?
I'm so sorry.

I fucking love you,
brother, yeah?

I fucking love you, man.

I fucking love you, yeah?

I fucking love you, brother.

I fucking love you,
brother, yeah?

Fucking love you too, yeah?

I fucking love you.

Oh!

Oh, fuck me.

We definitely look like a couple
of homosexuals now, eh?

Oh, fucking hell.

Oh, man.

Fuck me. I feel lighter.
Is there...

Is there anything else
you want to get off your chest?

Yeah, I might as
well get them all out now, eh?

Yeah. Go on, go on.

Uh...
Oh, fuck. Um...

Do you see Alby?

Yeah,
the fucking bloke I mashed.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- I'm seeing him.
- What? No way!

Yeah.

- I think he's the one.
- What?

How long
have you been together for?

Uh, a week. Not even.

What? You fucking mad cunt.

You know when you know, right?

I suppose.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Was that what he wanted
to tell me

- in the kitchen that time?
- Yeah.

You fucking cunt.

I went to prison for over
a decade 'cause of that.

I wouldn't have given a shit!

You fucker. You fucking cunt.

I'm sorry.

Wait, you go! You go!

Uh... Oh, you see Celeste?

What, as in my, uh,
my ex-flatmate, Celeste?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I fucked her when I got
out of prison.

What? No way!

- Made it my mission.
- What? She went for it?

Like a dog to a boner.

Didn't she fucking hate you?

She fucking did, yeah.

Fucking frog bitch
almost broke my pelvis.

Go on, you tell me something.

- Go on, go on.
- I fucking hated your mum.

Yeah, I fucking hated yours too.

Uh...
Uh, you see how your gym kit

would always
go missing back at school?

- Yeah.
- That was me.

Fuck. You fucker.

Yeah, I just couldn't resist
seeing you slipping

around the football pitch
in your awful fucking brogues.

Yeah, I looked like a fucking
tit every bastard week.

You fucking cunt. You cunt.

Oh. Okay.

Anything else?

Yeah, I fucked Mona
while you were away.

Baird's my child.

Oh, he’s got some
fucking fight in him, has he?

- Come on!
- No!

Fuck!

No! No! No! No!
No! No! No!

I fucking love you,
brother, yeah?

I fucking love you, yeah?

Yeah!

Fuck.