Original subtitles

[ Horse whinnies ]

Oh!

Oh, you, Rio Grande!

Get in there! Come on, speed!

¡Viva Mexico!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Oh! Oh!

Yah! Hah!

Ee-ha ha ha! ¡viva Mexico!

This here's Mexican dirt! You can't touch me!

Ha ha! Hee hee hee! Oh! Ooh hoo hoo!

You thought you'd get the old man in the moon.

You Texas clown buzzards is a disgrace to the confederacy.

Speed, this ain't no time

to let me down.

Get up! Come on, speed!

[ Yelling ]

Goddamn it, speed!

You can't do this!

This is Mexican territory!

[ Yelling ]

I don't believe it!

He got across the river,

and his horse faints on him!

I can't believe it!

It's a goddamn foreign country here!

This ain't fair, goddamn it!

This ain't fair!

This ain't fair!

They're stringing up old speed.

I have here a very fine animal

once owned by the hombre

we're about to hang.

What am I offered?

Hey! I still own that horse.

When we want to hear from you, amigo,

we'll rattle your cage.

Ha ha ha!

Is that the horse that fainted?

Yeah, he fainted,

but he got up, didn't he?

Ha ha ha!

What?

What?

Oh!

Towfield, I told you

to keep these buzzards out of here!

Take it easy, moon.

You're lucky you're getting a decent hanging.

I'd have done it out there

on a scrub oak.

Goddamn vultures hanging around here

all morning.

They just wanted to take a gander

at the man of the hour.

Yeah. Well, I'm flattered as hell.

You're a real card, moon.

I'm going to miss you.

Your family's here.

Make it short.

Boys!

Brother Abe,

Jimmy, gussie, and everybody.

Dumb-ass deputy. He thought you was really my family.

That's how I figured.

You look pretty as a painting, honey.

How you doing, Henry?

Well...

Roll it out.

Nothing like that, Henry.

We just come to see you off.

See me off?

Doesn't look like you did too goddamn good

on your own, Henry, did you?

Now, you should have stuck with us

because we was going places, goddamn it!

What do you mean "was"?

All you got to do is spring me.

If we tried anything,

we'd only get ourselves--

yeah, but that's without my plans.

Ah, cut that out.

Big Abe, they're going to send me

to the bone orchard.

[ Big Abe spits ]

If you got anything you want to give away, Henry,

now's the time.

Say your good-byes, boys.

Nice knowing you.

Yeah, coogan, sure.

You know, it just ain't right.

Just for cutting a few horses and robbing a few banks.

The law's got to be changed, Henry.

Come on now, Clyde.

So long, moon.

Adios.

Oh...

Well, honey, least we had

some good old times together.

You was the best I ever had...

Except for maybe that circus feller.

Why does that always upset you so?

What the hell did you bring a thing like that up

at a time like this for, hermine? Shit!

Henry!

Henry! [ Sobbing ]

Don't you worry none, moon.

I'll take care of this girl

like she's my very own.

Come on, now.

Oh, Henry!

Henry!

Mr. moon?

It's about that time.

What about my last meal?

You're smoking it.

Ha ha ha!

Hands behind your back, Mr. moon.

He ain't for you, serene.

I wouldn't take you to a dogfight

if you was the defending champ.

[ Hector laughs ]

You oughtn't have done that,

Mr. moon.

Well, why don't you

keep me in jail for it?

You tell him about the ordinance?

No.

Why not?

I don't like him,

and people I don't like

I don't tell nothing.

Goddamn it, towfield.

What ordinance?

What ordinance? Sheriff pile?

Kyle.

We got this ordinance here.

It was passed after the civil war

on account of a lot of our boys

didn't come home,

and the women was beginning

to chew up the grass.

I feel sorry for the grass.

I'm feeling sorry for the women.

Anyhow, this ordinance states

that any man short of being a murderer

can be saved from the gallows

by any property-holding female,

providing she decides to marry him.

They done that in Roman times, too,

as I recollect.

Sweet Jesus h. Christ almighty!

Ma'am! Ma'am!

I think there's a couple of things

about me that I'd like for you to consider.

I don't need your insults.

Oh, I agree with you completely,

but you got to take into consideration

a man can get a little irritated,

and he can act like the dickens

when he's about to pull hemp.

Buzzards, huh?

Well, buzzards can fly,

and they keep the desert clean.

I cook!

I cook like the son-of-a-bitch!

I mean, like the dickens!

Oh!

Hello, son.

Go to hell.

I understand.

[ Cow moos ]

Be quiet! Shh!

Henry Lloyd moon,

you've been found guilty of horse thievery

and sentenced to be hanged.

Do you have any final last words?

Just this.

I want to tell you good people

of longhorn...

Especially you lovely ladies,

that the old saying--

"you can't judge a book by its cover"--

it's true.

It's true.

Some books is all scruffed up on the outside,

but when you turn around and look inside,

why, the words is... Just...Wonderful.

Is that it, moon?

Well, isn't there anybody else got anything to say?

"The lord is my Shepherd.

"I shall not want.

Aw...

"He maketh me to lie down

"in green pastures.

"He leadeth me

"beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul."

That's not right.

"The lord is my Shepherd.

"I shall not want.

"He maketh me to lie down [ Groaning, sobbing ]

"In green pastures.

"He restoreth my soul.

"He leadeth me

"beside the still waters.

Yea, though I walk through the valley--"

oh!

I'm a veteran of the great civil war!

The only reason why I turned to crime

is there wasn't no jobs--

not one single job

for a man that risked his life

for the country...

"Thou anointest my head--"

and the confederacy!

This one's dumb.

He'll swing for sure.

He's better off.

"And I will dwell

in the house of the lord forever."

Bullshit!

[ Rapping on window ]

He's ready to go!

Stop!

I'll take him.

Florence.

Now--

ah!

Don't you think that you're

a mite too elderly

to be taking on a responsibility like this?

I've got a good feeling about him, Andrew.

The boy's a veteran.

He deserves a second chance.

Somebody take this son-bitching blindfold off me

and let me see my bride!

Where is she?

Florence!

Aah!

Florence!

Ah ha ha! Ah!

Mrs. Henry moon,

let me look at you.

[ Sheriff Kyle ] Stand back, folks.

Florence.

Stand back, please.

Just ain't your day.

Maybe she just fainted.

I think I made her dizzy.

Down she go, up you go!

Is she dead?

[ Man ] At least she died happy.

Then I'll take him.

[ Crowd gasping ]

Julia, what are you saying?

He's an outlaw.

I assumed that's why you were hanging him.

Are you drunk?

Sheriff Kyle, you know I don't drink.

'Course she don't drink!

You want him?

According to the law I can claim him, right?

I asked you out 10 times. What do I get?

A flap of your umbrella.

Shit!

All right.

Ok, Julia.

Mr. moon,

what do you say?

Well, I ain't no side of beef to be auctioned off,

but...What the hell. Fine by me.

[ Crowd murmuring ]

Well, I think I'll skip the wedding.

I ain't takin' Frank tokin's business tonight.

[ Gunfire ] Somebody's taking his business,

or we ain't got no business.

¶ [ "Wedding march" ]

¶ [ Ranchera ]

Wonderful!

Aha!

Now, Mr. moon, no drinking. No gambling.

No wife-beating.

No alley-catting, whatnot, and what have you.

You've got to mind her.

If you try running,

there will be $500 on your head.

Well, gentlemen,

much obliged to you.

Much obliged.

Shall I take the reins, dear?

Adios!

¡Bienvenidos!

See? I told you he had a plan.

You'll dance in the air, you son-of-a-bitch...

For stealin' my girl!

Miss, ah...

In case you want to know

who you're dealing with...

I used to ride with quantrell's raiders.

You always this quiet?

When I have something to say, you'll hear it.

Well look, I can get off right here

as far as I'm concerned.

'Course a good husband's hard to find.

You weren't hard to find.

You were standin' in front of the whole town

with a rope around your neck.

Yeah.

You sure are a smart woman.

I like smart women.

I'm sure you do.

Who's that?

One of the reasons we got married.

Hey, rover.

That's grover.

Grover.

[ Rooster crows ]

This is where I live.

Well, Julia, it ain't much,

but it's a start.

Well, I guess I don't get to carry you

across the threshold.

Wipe your feet, please.

Always do.

Well then,

it, uh...

Looks like an opera house.

Please take your clothes off,

Mr. moon.

[ Laughing ]

Don't sit there.

Here. Put these on.

These is, uh...

These are work clothes.

That's right.

Well, I just got married.

Don't count on that too much.

This is a gold mine?

In Texas?

It's going to be.

Looks like mice been into it.

First you'll begin crevassing,

then crosscut using the singular jacking method.

I ain't, uh, familiar with that particular method.

You pry away any loose rocks.

Are you watching?

Huh?

Then you insert the drill

like this.

Then you use the sledgehammer.

Simple.

Simple.

Yeah.

Where's the gloves?

My hands blisters easy.

Better blisters than neck burns.

Uh...

Mr. moon--

pretend we're friends and call me Henry.

The railroad is breathing down my neck,

so let's not waste any more time.

Well,

I'll do all I can do,

but that's all I can do.

I'll be outside running auriferous tests.

Why don't you run one on your skull

while you're at it?

Supper's ready.

I don't believe in wasting time

at the table.

How did you come into this place?

It was my father's.

Did he believe in this gold mine?

He believed,

but not enough.

Sounds like he was the brains

in the family.

Boiled chicken?

Boiled is better for you.

[ Sniffs ]

How's about a little dessert?

Said, uh...

How's about a little dessert?

I heard you the first time.

You didn't answer me the first time.

Um...

Can I ask you a personal question?

When was the last time that you had a man?

I hope you don't mind working in confined spaces

because tomorrow we start tunneling.

Goddamn! I should have known.

You can always tell a virgin

on account of the whites of the eyes ain't clear.

Ha ha ha!

See, I got this theory on virgins--

that they always look peaked and grouchy

on account of they're going against nature.

I don't want to get calluses patting myself on the back,

but in my time, I have put a gal or two in tune with nature.

I'm sure nature is very grateful.

Oh, listen.

Don't, uh, let starting late bother you none.

Some of them late bloomers is, uh...

[ Whistles ]

Hee hee ha hee!

I'll be outside in the barn

if you feel like getting acquainted,

or, uh, talking about tunneling.

[ Door closes ] And remember,

nature is the great provider.

Ha ha ha ha!

[ Crowing ]

[ Grunting ]

Oh, goddamn.

Well, good morning, spot.

Get you some bacon?

Good morning, miss!

What's for breakfast?

[ Clucking ]

Conserve your energy.

There's a lot of work to do.

Don't you worry about me.

I know how to pace myself.

If I want to...

I can do this all day long.

I'm talking about...

Allday long.

Where are you supposed to set?

Where are you going?

[ Panting ] Well...

I want to...

Take a little Spanish pause.

That's one of the keys

to pacin' yourself.

You just go on trimmin' your wicks.

I can do this all day long.

I'm talking about all day long!

All day long!

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, lady!

No cabeza, no trabajo. Understand?

She sure is full of piss and vinegar today, ain't she?

An awful lot of literature on Philadelphia.

What's the fascination with the city of motherly love?

Brotherly.

I'm moving there.

To Philadelphia?

Just as soon as I strike gold.

I like it down there in Mexico.

The pace suits me better--

slow days and fast nights.

[ Footsteps ]

[ Knock on door ]

What a pleasant surprise.

We saw the lights and felt we wouldn't be intruding.

Oh, lorette, you're never intruding.

Uh, y'all remember my husband Henry.

Welcome to our humble abode.

We brought along a little wedding something.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

How pretty.

We was just saying

how much we needed a figurine.

I'll get us some tea.

Shall I help?

We'll help.

Don't be long, now.

[ Lorette ] We felt you'd be needing

someone to talk to,

especially now.

Look, honey, what lorette's trying to say

is that we all have so much in common these days.

We do?

We're all ordinance brides.

Oh.

Since you've never been married before,

we all thought we should have a little chat.

Do you prefer orange pekoe or lapsang oolong?

You see, a husband has certain rights.

And a wife has certain duties.

And that's where the trouble starts.

Speak for yourself, lorette.

Ha ha ha!

[ Laughter continues ]

You know, I rode with quantrell--

finest revolver gang in history

till he died.

Quantrell died?

Last year.

Mmm.

That shorty... He don't even ask.

He just goes right to it.

Those outlaws just don't know

how to take no for an answer.

Whitey is so funny.

Why, last night,

he got all painted up like an Indian,

and did he go on the warpath!

Woo woo woo!

[ Fly buzzing ]

[ SWAT ]

Say, want to have yourself a really wild time?

Why don't you dress up like an Indian?

Ha! Well, that sounds

like it ought to be Julia's cup of tea.

Ha ha ha!

I guess I'll, uh, go on out

and see how the squaws are doing.

I suppose what we're trying to say, Julia,

is it's not as much of a chore

as you may have heard.

Uh-huh.

But if it should become one,

I have found

that the best thing to do

is just think about canning apricots.

Apricots?

Well, for some reason,

apricots just seem to work best.

[ Teakettle whistling ]

How we doin', ladies?

Bye!

Thank you for the lovely gift.

[ Henry ] Let's do it again real soon.

Nice folks.

They seem content.

Well...

You know what they say--

lady love an outlaw

like a little boy love a stray dog.

We still haven't cleaned up that table.

You know,

I was thinking about them chairs of yours.

Picking them up,

setting them down through the air.

Why, it's poetry.

I think I'm getting a headache.

Pretty soon--

all over America,

people's going to be picking up chairs

and setting them down.

It's going to be all your doing.

Julia...

What do you say we try canning

some of them apricots?

[ Door slams shut ]

"It would be like a man hauling with one ox

"and looking for two,

"hoping for the help of the lord.

"Why not get rid of all the oxen

and count on the maker all the way?"

Very good.

I look forward to hearing it on Sunday.

Thank you.

[ Henry ] Morning, ladies.

I sure did enjoy them canned apricots last night.

[ Julia ] Yah!

Julia!

[ Braying ]

What in the hell was that supposed to be?

A joke.

No. You don't understand.

A joke is when you make somebody laugh.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

[ Sneezes ]

Miss Tate, please step into the office.

It's, uh, Mrs. moon.

Excuse me. Miss Tate--

why, you--

Henry.

I believe this is between Mr. polty and myself.

Hey, moon!

It looks like the honeymoon is over!

Ha ha ha!

What's the matter, moon?

You're looking like a dog without a bone.

Ha ha ha!

Hey, Hector.

Yeah?

Why don't you go down

to the Mexican side of town

and see what the beans is jumping on.

Beans?

Beans.

[ Neighs ]

You know...Polty's just another word for chicken.

Good one, towfield.

Who thought it up for you?

Come on! Let's go chew the fat.

What for?

Because I'm in a good mood.

Well...Then, uh,

how's about a little snort?

¶ [ Honky-tonk ]

Hey, peachy.

Bottle of mash and two glasses, norvell.

Not for him.

What do you mean, not for me?

Sheriff's orders.

The sheriff didn't tell me.

You don't tell him nothing,

so he don't tell you nothing.

Them's the breaks.

Ah!

You know, I owe you a special thanks.

What for?

What for?

Hell! If you hadn't

jerked me back across the border

to my just deserts, so to speak,

why, I'd never have been married to Julia.

Thinking on it that way, why...

You sort of...

Introduced us.

Yeah, towfield... Things is good.

You heard about them matches

made in heaven, didn't you?

Well, I'm in one of them.

Goddamn it, moon! You stole my girl!

Take it easy, towfield.

You're wrinkling my good-luck bandanna.

How's this--

you give me the bottle,

and I'll, uh, I'll tell you the truth.

You mean you was just japin' me?

[ Sighs ]

She puts chairs up on the wall

so's people can't sit on them.

What?

I can't go into it, towfield.

It's over your head.

But it's bad, huh?

Like eggs rolled in sand.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Duck out back for a snort.

[ Man ] The trouble with Andrew Johnson

is he's a damn mugwump.

Oh, don't mention that son-of-a-bitch's name.

[ Horse urinating ]

Ugh!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Neighs ]

Listen, amigo.

I don't ever want you to call me a bean again.

[ Glass shattering ] [ Blows landing ]

What the hell was that?

This is as difficult for me as it is for you, Julia.

Ha!

You know, a year ago last Christmas Eve,

I had to move 150 comanche souls

off their sacred burial ground.

I know exactly how they felt.

What's the matter, honey?

You look whiter than an albino.

You been bothering my wife?

We have 30 days to vacate.

[ Gunfire ]

[ Yelling, shouting ]

[ Henry ] What do you mean?

This doesn't concern you.

If it concerns her, it concerns me.

The railroad's taking over my land

under eminent domain.

[ Woman ] Chester, come on!

Eminent domain.

Ain't that where somebody bribes the state legislature

to take away some poor folks' land?

I won't dignify that with an answer.

I ain't askin' for no dignification.

But I do find it interesting

that you, uh, prefer doing business

with the lady of the house.

Come on, moon.

I'm sorry, Julia,

but unless I am advised otherwise,

I'll be out to survey.

You know...

Polty's just another way of saying chicken.

¶ [ Julia singing, indistinct ]

¶ They worship gold and dross ¶

¶ they may be old maids ¶

¶ till they die ¶

¶ and will never feel their loss ¶

¶ mother says I mustn't ¶

¶ oh, George, please, George ¶

¶ not just yet ¶ oh, yes.

¶ Oh, mother says I mustn't ¶

¶ mother says I mustn't ¶ [ Muttering, indistinct ]

Oh, yes.

Oh, oh.

I love you!

[ Sneezes ]

Who's there?

What are you doing?

Oh, Julia!

I was just out here surveying.

You liar! You were spying on me!

Me? I never would do such a thing.

Help!

Julia, I swear on my honor

I didn't see a thing!

It's not what you think!

You old--

what's going on here?

Nothing.

You bothering my wife again?

I was out surveying.

There's my equipment--

my tripod, my maps, et cetera.

I caught you, didn't I?

I swear, no. I wasn't doing anything.

Then apologize.

I apologize.

All right.

Now eminent domain your ass out of here.

Ha ha ha! Woo, nasty.

Ooh!

Oh!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Why'd you stop laughing?

I don't know. Get to work.

I'd rather laugh.

That's all you like to do.

No, that ain't all I like to do.

Uh-uh, moon.

Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[ Thunder rumbling ] Ha ha ha!

Ooh! Nasty!

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Thunder continues ]

Damn.

A norther.

It's a norther.

Yeah.

Did you get stung?

Yes.

Did you?

Where?

Julia...

[ Henry's voice echoing ] An outlaw doesn't know how to take no for an answer.

[ Thunderclap ]

What are you doing down there?

What are you doing down there? Huh?

What am I doing?

Oh, I guess I was dreaming

about a tunnel or something.

Get up!

You got me drunk. I don't remember a thing!

I didn't get you drunk!

Aah! I will not have that kind of talk in my house!

Hey!

You tricked me!

[ Panting ]

I didn't trick you.

You get your clothes and get out!

There's work to do!

Oh.

I get it.

You're so afraid that you're going to like that...

That you're going to forget about the gold and Philadelphia!

You get your clothes,

and you get out of here!

Son-of-a-bitch!

I was right

all these years!

There ain't a lady that knows how to

appreciate a man.

No goddamn...

Unnatural questions!

"How did it feel?"

Damn it!

I feel sorry for the poor son-of-a-bitch that,

son-of-a-bitch that winds up with you!

Nice being married to you!

[ Thunder continues ]

Ugh!

Uh! Oh!

You haven't got a plugged nickel!

You haven't even got a gun!

Yeah!

Uh! You won't get 20 Miles

before a posse will come and get you

and string you up!

The only reason why I slept with you

was so you'd keep on working!

I hope they hang you!

You...

Oh!

[ Clucking ]

Not the curtain!

You wouldn't dare!

Well...

I hadn't thought of it,

but now that you mention it,

up in San Francisco,

I seen some Chinese that done it this way.

The Chinese is an old civilization.

They understand things about pleasure that,

I've never even thought of.

One thing for sure...

We ain't had a boring marriage.

¶ [ Men singing, indistinct ]

[ Man ] Deputy, how can you do a thing like this?

But 15 days?

That's not fair.

Tell it to the railroad.

We've been here since '43.

Well, them's the breaks.

[ Hector ] Come on!

[ Spits ]

Damn black goo!

Giddy-up! Hyah! Hyah!

Giddy-up!

Huh!

Well...

I was just going into town to...

Buy an anvil.

[ Knocking ]

Julia?

Now, gentlemen,

let's not have no misunderstandings.

Uh, me and the little woman

haven't been getting along of late.

Don't go in there! Oh!

Julia?

Julia?

[ Julia ] Where's the doctor?

What's the matter, dear?

Where's the doctor?

Doctor...

Oh, yeah.

Uh, I never did get over there.

This pea brain grabbed me

and stuck me in an animal wagon.

It would have broke your heart to see it, honey.

You never told me about no doctor.

You never asked me about no doctor.

Is something wrong, Julia?

Female trouble.

Oh...

The vapors.

[ Henry ] I better put you to bed, darling.

I just got out of bed, darling.

What the hell did you pick him up for, towfield?

He was dressed up like a Mexican.

You can't arrest a man for that.

I told him.

Well...

Let's leave these two lovebirds alone.

Julia.

I told him.

I told you, but, no, you would--

[ hoofbeats departing ]

[ Door closes ]

You missed me, didn't you?

I did not.

Yeah. I can see it.

Them eyes ain't angry.

They're relieved,

and they ain't bloodshot no more.

I wanted you back for one reason--

to work the mine.

Naw.

You missed the old man in the moon.

Ha ha ha!

Hell, I got my faults.

I admit it, but...

Aw, hell, I got my ways, too.

Yeah, I...

I missed you a little bit, too.

I did.

When I was heading for the border,

I couldn't stop but thinking

nobody's ever saved my life before.

And I just couldn't leave you

in your time of need

of me.

[ Laughing ]

It's been quite a day.

I'm a bit tuckered out.

I think I'll take a poca siesta.

Oh, you don't have to sleep in the barn.

You can sleep on the couch.

Say when.

When.

[ Bats screeching ]

Bats.

[ Groaning ]

[ Rumbling ]

[ Boards creaking ]

[ Coughing ]

That's it for me.

I'm too young to die.

You don't understand.

I understand about dreams.

I understand about waking up, too.

Didn't I want to ride

with the younger gang,

and they wouldn't have me?

Claimed I wasn't cut out to be a younger.

My feelings was hurt,

but I accepted it.

You know, for an outlaw,

you've been a pretty good friend.

What's the matter?

Gold!

Good lord almighty, I've found gold!

Gold!

[ Creaking ]

Watch out.

Don't knock into none of these beams.

I been here.

I know it's around here somewheres.

I can feel it!

I don't see nothing.

It's here.

Believe me. It's here.

Where?

[ Creaking ]

Goddamn!

Ha ha ha!

Gold.

Look at that! Gold! Oh!

Gold! Goddamn, it's all over everything.

I told you. Didn't I tell you?

Oh, honey, kiss me. I'm rich.

Goddamn, I am rich.

I knew it.

You wait long enough,

and pretty soon, down it's going to come

right on you.

Like a wall full of Mexican teeth.

You know,

I'm going to get my initials put on my saddle,

in gold.

They like it that way in Mexico.

Alls we got to do now is...

Deposit this first bunch in the bank and then--

"we"?

What do you mean, "we"? What are you saying?

Well, just that, in all fairness,

I played a part in striking the gold.

You never believed it existed.

But you'd have never struck it

if it wasn't for me.

Correcto?

So?

So...Ha ha!

Where's my-- where's my share in the stake? Ha ha!

You're right.

I'll give you 10%.

Ha ha ha!

You don't understand.

You see, sharing is giving to each other.

50%.

We'll talk about it later.

Oh, all right, all right, all right.

Uh, 25%,

and we can...

Stop this conversation right here.

Must be funny actually depositing something

in a bank, huh, moon?

Yeah!

It's a whole new experience for me.

That's it.

Sure are sorry

to have you and Miriam leaving us.

Thank you, Mrs. haber,

but with the railroad

and this black stuff springing up everywheres,

a man just can't grow a decent ear of corn.

Ohhh!

Awful heavy for figurines.

It's my whole collection.

Well, I'll guard it with my life.

Aw, you can do better than that, whitey.

[ Laughing ]

Henry Lloyd moon at the bank.

Hmm.

Want one of these?

Sure.

[ Indistinct ]

Goddamn it.

I like being rich.

Maybe now you can buy your way

into the younger gang.

Doll,

I think I'll buy me a little cantina

South of the border.

Time to start living the good life.

Goddamn it, honey, I'm going to be a patron.

Tequila...

Cards...

Senoritas...

Hey.

Wait till the domingi sisters

get a load of me!

Ha ha ha!

"Buenas noches, señor moon.

Como esta usted, señor moon?"

"Muy bien, gracias.

Y usted?"

Ha ha ha!

Woo!

Don't do that.

You're acting foolish.

[ Owl hooting ]

Maybe you ought to try it.

You want to see something foolish?

That's foolish.

50%?

You're going to give me...

50%?

We're partners, aren't we?

Well, if you're going to put it that way.

Yeah.

I don't know how to...

Say this, Henry...

But...

I think I got...

Greedy and selfish

living alone so long.

Well...

That's how you get.

Once you get started...

You don't hardly ever get out of it.

For calling me Henry.

[ Bell ringing ]

¶ [ Fiddle ]

[ Shouting ]

¡Dios mio!

Friends of yours?

Used to be.

What are they doing here?

Good question.

[ Pounding on door ]

[ Henry ] Well, ha ha!

Sorry to keep you all waiting, but, uh...

Me and the missis was just playing

a little game of fish.

Thought we'd stop by

and bring you a little shivaree, moon.

Oh, did you?

Since we ain't been formally invited.

Well, me and Julia was just saying the other day

how we was, uh,

going to have you all out.

Well, you damn sure got your wish,

didn't you?

Ha ha ha!

I damn sure did.

Ain't you going to ask us in, Henry?

Why, sure, honey pie.

Mi casa es su casa.

Don't you boys know how to wipe your feet?

[ Big Abe ] Hey, hog coogan!

Wipe your feet off.

[ Stomping feet ]

Hope you like Taffy.

It was my idea.

Thank you.

They call me big Abe.

Old Henry still snore in his sleep?

¶ [ Tapping piano keys ]

I want them out of here!

Not as much as I do.

Moon!

You want them to find out about the dust?

Ha ha ha ha!

Well!

Anybody hungry?

Hungry? Shit, I could eat a frozen dog.

Ha ha ha!

Well, we'll go on out to the kitchen,

and see if we got one already froze.

Ha ha ha!

[ Hog ] I wouldn't eat no frozen dog.

Ha ha ha!

¶ [ Tapping on piano ]

¡Estufado del diablo!

A feast fit for a king.

That's his speciality.

Them female bullfeathers make it tasty.

Did you know that old Henry used to cook for the raiders?

He cooked for quantrell's raiders?

No. He never told me that.

I bet there's a lot of things he never told you.

[ Laughs, spits ] Shit!

Abe!

Goddamn, Abe.

Jesus Christ!

You'll loosen my molar up!

¶ [ Fiddle ] [ Laughing, shouting ]

¶ Grab your girl, now pull on her mane ¶

yahoo!

Just play along a little while longer.

Well, you go on ahead.

I don't want to spoil your fun.

Well, I ain't having a good time.

I swear I ain't.

I'm just trying to throw them off the track.

They wouldn't know it was me

if I wasn't acting wild and...

Aw...

Forget about all this.

Get in there and have a good time.

[ Slaps bottom ] Act foolish!

Woo!

¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶

¶ awaken to me ¶

¶ beautiful dreamer ¶

¶ waken to me ¶

¶ starlight and dewdrops are waitin' for thee ¶

[ hog ] ¶ thee ¶

ah, shit.

¶ [ Continues ]

This ain't no real marriage.

Come on.

Meet me tonight, huh?

I'll give you my old coyote call.

¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶

remember?

A-woo--

not now.

¶ To me ¶

woo hoo!

Anybody seen my goddamn molar?

Nope.

But if I do,

can I put it under my pillow

for the tooth fairy?

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Tooth fairy!

You won't get nothing for his molar.

[ Julia ] Well, come on, boys.

Let's help big Abe find his goddamn molar.

No! Wait!

I have a better idea.

Moon, let's you and me go buy big Abe

a whole damn set of gold teeth! Ha ha!

[ Whispering ] You'll ruin everything acting like a goddamn fool.

I don't give a damn what anybody says!

I'm a gentleman!

[ Blows raspberry ]

And I'm not going to throw up

in this here house.

I'm going outside to throw up

'cause I--I respect your house.

Um...

Big Abe,

you can throw up in this house

any old time.

Ha ha ha!

Goddamn gold! Gold!

That son-of-a-bitch is keeping gold from us.

God almighty. Son-of-a-bitch.

[ Hoofbeats departing ]

[ Footsteps ]

You almost spilled the beans.

Come on and help me find big Abe's molar.

Didn't I tell you

to watch what you was doing?

You don't understand outlaws!

I understood you

when you told me to act foolish.

I didn't tell you to get drunk

and start singing your damn fool head off!

Hog liked my singing.

That's why they call him hog!

[ Door slams shut ]

[ Hermine ] A-woo!

[ Henry howling ]

A-woo!

[ Coyotes howling ]

Aah!

Damn, hermine.

Quit your goddamn coyote calling. I'm here.

Your wife's acting terrible, ain't she?

She just had a little too much bug-juice.

Ha ha ha!

I figure you ain't had much of anything

of anything in a long time.

How's come you and the boys

decided to stop by tonight?

I want to make it good for you, Henry.

Honey, you ain't hearing what I'm asking.

What was the question?

I don't want to hurt your feelings.

I appreciate the coyote calling,

but I told you things has changed.

Crawl in, Henry.

See what I got.

Hermine, you ain't hearing me.

I seen what you got.

It was swell. We had some times together

that I'll never forget.

But, hermine, now I'm took.

Henry.

Aah!

[ Coyote howling ]

[ Julia ] Hold it.

That's enough.

Uh...Don't shoot.

Vamoose.

Well...

If I was monkeying around,

would I still have my clothes on?

Then why did you go out there?

Don't make no difference.

No matter what I say, you ain't going to believe me.

Go ahead.

Well, I was just trying to get information

off of hermine.

That wasn't all you were trying to get off of her.

All I wanted to know

was if they knew anything about the gold.

You care more about that damn gold than about me.

That ain't true.

I could have done what you think, but I didn't.

I don't believe you didn't.

I was there strictly on business.

You want that woman!

You take her,

but you forget all about the gold.

People can't afford business partners that cheat on them.

We made an agreement.

And I'm breaking it.

You can't do that to me.

I just did.

That tears it.

Going to put the old double "x" to Henry moon, huh?

Well, we'll see.

You want your gun back, moon?

Where's the goddamn gold?

What gold?

That gold there. That's real gold!

Where is it?

You ain't as ignorant as you look, are you?

Come on in.

How much we got here?

Enough. In fact, I was just coming looking for you boys.

Sure, you was.

We're going to hit the longhorn bank.

There ain't nothing in that chicken-feed bank

but sun-filled windows.

And all the little lady's gold.

Let's hit her in the morning.

Not yet.

Got a plan?

I'm going to make that woman

sorry she ever said, "I do."

I tell you, he's hiding something from us.

[ Coogan ] I don't think so.

I know so.

[ Hog ] I was certain he had a plan.

Me, too, but I don't know if we're going to be in it.

Let's keep a watch on the son-of-a-bitch.

[ Abe ] Come on, gang!

You...

You better take a rest before your arm falls off.

You want some water?

Are you always this quiet?

I've got nothing to say.

[ Creaking ]

I keep my word.

[ Explosion ]

[ Henry ] Julia!

[ Rocks falling ]

Honey!

Moon!

Honey, are you all right?

Goddamn!

You all right?

Yes. Oh!

All right.

[ Creaking ]

Can you stand there?

Yes.

O.K. All right.

[ Rumbling ]

[ Julia screaming ]

You all right?

Well, I've been better.

[ Creaking ]

Easy. Easy. It's all right.

It's all right. Nothing's going to happen to you.

Here, hold this. You stay right here.

When I get back, we'll take us a little Spanish pause.

[ Creaking ]

Henry Lloyd?

[ Henry ] What?

Nothing.

I'm sorry about last night.

I know it doesn't matter, but if we're going to die,

I--I want it to be as partners.

50/50.

We was a good team.

Good? Shit.

We were the best.

Honey pie...

Moon, I've been thinking.

Since we're going to go anyway,

why don't we go out in a blaze of glory?

Moon, tie me up.

Julia...

We're alive.

I've been watching you, Henry.

Figured.

Ain't you up early?

We don't hit the bank till 10:00.

Well, there's been a little change in plans.

Well, I got to tell big Abe.

You got to do what you got to do.

I'll never forget you, hermine.

You was the first woman

I didn't have to pay for.

Adios.

[ Knocks on door ]

You're a mite early, compadre.

I want to make a withdrawal.

Your better half has to do that.

Ordinance husbands aren't allowed to make withdrawals.

Besides, we're closed.

You're open now.

Open it up.

Over there in the bin.

Hurry up, whitey.

I never figured you'd do this to Julia.

It's the only way to save my marriage, whitey.

Hyah!

Julia!

Julia?

Grover, where is Julia at?

Julia!

Goddamn.

Rocks.

Goddamn, honey pie.

Freeze, moon!

Mr. moon, you're still here.

Where's Julia?

I guess he ain't heard the news.

Ha ha ha!

What news?

Your wife sold her property to the railroad.

Gentlemen, start tagging the furniture.

When?

Does that concern you now?

Where is she?

I believe on her way to Philadelphia.

And you're on your way to meet Saint Peter.

That's right, moon.

You're on your way to meet senor Peter.

[ Gunfire ]

Come out, moon. We know you got it!

I ain't got nothing!

We don't believe you!

Henry, who the hell is that?

The ex-moon gang.

¡Chinga LA luna!

If they want a gunfight,

they picked the wrong hombresto mess with!

Goddamn you! Watch it, big Abe!

Ok. 1, 2, 3!

When did she leave?

Why should I tell you?

About a half-hour ago.

Now!

Moon. Shoot back.

Yes, sir, this is mighty strange stuff.

Muriel dropped a lantern

in a puddle of it the other night,

and the whole farm 'bout near went up in flame!

Burned half the hair off of my head.

Stunk for two weeks.

The railroad said they've got no use for it,

so I thought I'd take samples back east

and maybe sell it.

What do you think, miss Julia?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. standard.

I didn't hear what you said.

[ Gunshot ]

Hyah!

Aah!

Whoa in there! Whoa! Whoa.

Hold up in there.

All right. Stay calm.

Whoa. Whoa.

All right.

Step down, Julia.

Whoa.

Cotton, that son-of- a-bitch can shoot.

He rode with quantrell.

Come on, you've run far enough.

Come on, now. I'm losing my patience.

You ain't taking my gold!

They discovered gold!

Nah. They had a little too much bug-juice.

You didn't even write a note when you left.

What was I supposed to write?

"Good luck, Henry and hermine"?

I was going to explain everything.

See, I--

[ sheriff Kyle ] Mr. moon.

Are you robbing this stage or not?

Burn the breeze, Kyle,

or I'll blow everybody into feathers.

We don't desert our women out here, Mr. moon.

It's all right, sheriff. You go on ahead.

He's just trying to impress me.

[ Sheriff Kyle ] Are you sure, Julia?

Oh. Well...

You two ought to try and get along, then.

We all had to.

Hyah!

My heart froze when I came home

and you was gone, honey.

Let me help you up.

Oh!

Thank you, moon.

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to Mexico.

Why, sure, you will, honey pie.

You got used to me, didn't you?

Anyways...

First, let's get used to being rich.