All language subtitles for Libereto

Then he'll enter from over here, and

you're going to want to stand here,

probably a low angle, maybe an 85 mm,

I'd say. And then where'd the lady go?

Here. Okay, sweetheart, you come here,

sit.

What do you like to eat? Um

uh

poached eggs. Scrambled looks better on

camera. Get her a scrambled eggs, wet.

Now, when he comes in, you're very

surprised, okay? But I already know he's

You're very surprised. You never

expected that a handsome, important man

like him would come into your little

diner of all places. Then he's going to

sit down next to you, and you're going

to want to get a two-shot of them

talking from here. And no, no, no, not

yet.

Get her another one.

You know what else I'm not going to

miss?

Besides him.

Diner coffee.

Ugh,

I know that's right. How hard is it to

make a good coffee? Just grind the

beans, pour the water over. It's not

like it takes a genius to make a good

coffee. Right.

Hey, gang.

What's for breakfast? Senator Kenny

Weston. That's right. Hey, it's good to

see you, folks. How you doing? Hey, ooh,

we got the sausage.

Excuse me, ma'am, is this seat taken?

Oh, you're a senator.

Well, thank you. Hey, uh

don't mind me, folks, I just dropped by

for a little chow.

Well, hi there, miss. Morning. What can

I get you, Senator? Uh let's see. Well,

I will take the same as this lovely

lady's having, plus a cup of your most

delicious coffee, please. Coming right

up.

Thank you.

And what is your name, sweetheart? I'm

Betty Bowser.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you,

Betty. Now, is that b o w s e r like the

dog? No, it's b a u s e r.

Oh, yeah, of course.

You know, I once knew a Bob Brower,

terrific tax lawyer out of Dallas. I

don't suppose you're any relation? No, I

don't recall having any relatives.

Don't listen to him, Betty. [ __ ]

He's a goddamn liar. Oh.

He voted for it nine times. Oh, not

again.

Nine times. You can look it up.

Shut up, Earl.

My friend, if you would like to discuss

this calmly, I'd be glad to answer

to take away our freedom, Betty.

THAT'S HOW IT ALL STARTS.

They check up on your background, then

they roll in the tanks and the

artillery. Mark my words.

Earl, I told you to shut up. It's not

bad enough I have to listen to you 23

years.

going to take away your freedom, my

friend. In fact, I am a strong supporter

of the Second Amendment.

Like hell. You voted nine times.

Sir, if I could talk to you privately

Listen to me. We're all GOING TO BE

SLAVES INSIDE OF A YEAR.

EARL, I'm going to ask you to

They've got giant lizard people running

the Federal Reserve. I've seen pictures.

Get your goddamn reptile hands off of

me. Earl, oh.

Okay, folks, we're going to move on from

here. It was very nice to meet everyone.

No cameras.

No cameras, please. I SAID NO CAMERAS!

Stay on message. Project confidence.

Say you think that Washington is rotten.

Just look relaxed.

But if the questioner attacks, digress

until the question is forgotten.

You got to keep it short

and make it snappy.

Repeat it over and over like a rhyme.

Ideas that once seemed dense will feel

like common sense when they've heard it

over 1,500 times. But if they press you

for a statement and you're not sure it's

okay,

remember,

you never get in trouble for something

you don't say.

Land of the free

that good and gracious promised land

where we live in harmony.

Land of the pilgrim's pride, land where

my fathers died.

From every mountainside,

this land's

Nice. Great job, everybody. And just

remember to annunciate a little bit

more, and don't forget to sing on the

vowels, okay? One more time.

God bless the USA, the land of the free

that good and gracious promised land

where we live in harmony.

Another in a series of humiliations for

GOP presidential hopeful Kenny Weston

tonight as a heckler disrupts a routine

photo op in a small town diner. Take a

look at this exclusive video obtained by

our news team. Pictures. Get your

goddamn reptile hands off of me.

Earl, no.

Joining me now to help make sense of it

all are distinguished panel of political

experts. Thank you all for being here.

To you first, Tom Tishkin, is it time to

write the obituary on the Weston

campaign?

Well, it's not the obituary, at least

the do not resuscitate order. Good one,

Tom. Rolando Iglesias, your thoughts?

Well, look, the optics on this are

absolutely terrible for Well, shoot. We

should pack it in. I'm with Nick. Not so

fast.

Not so fast. We've been doing this for 2

years. That's because you haven't been

stroking the base enough. That heckler

could have been a supporter.

That heckler was a wack job. Maybe, but

he represents a key demographic.

The delusional?

Look, Kenny, it's like I've been saying,

this is the perfect time to reboot and

move right.

Uh he has a voting record, remember?

Right, he's a moderate, inclusive

Republican. That's always been our

brand. Well, I'm sorry, but your brand

is boring. People want to feel

something. It's like Atwater said,

grab them by the balls, and their votes

will follow. Oh, like that's really

going to help with the gender gap.

Shh, I'm trying to think.

Yeah, I don't know. What do you think?

Look, once you get the nomination, you

can take any lukewarm, [ __ ]

middle-of-the-road position you want,

but for now we just

No, he can't. It's all on YouTube.

They'll flip-flop us.

All right, well, maybe we have to we see

how things go at the megachurch. The

megachurch canceled. What?

They heard about the diner. But I was

able to get us another church. Where?

A little off the beaten track, but the

pastor's very excited to meet you. Oh,

we should just cancel. You cancel that

rally, you send up a white flag.

All right, all right, we'll do the

church.

Uh just get it over with.

Right?

Heavenly Father,

we are so blessed to have Senator Kenny

Weston and his distinguished colleagues

here with us today.

Please grant them good health and wisdom

as they seek the leadership of this

great land.

Lord, we ask your help in guiding us to

choose the best steward of thy people,

the candidate best able to restore and

strengthen our American family. For we

know it true

that a nation is only as strong as its

homes.

Father,

we know that this election may be the

most important election in our lifetime.

With so much at stake,

and so many things seem to be changing

in the wrong direction lately. Help us

protect this precious land.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

Well, Senator, I'm sure the people here

are anxious to ask you questions about

important issues. But before we do that,

we have a special surprise for you.

Oh.

Well, I sure hope it doesn't involve

eggs.

I promise, no eggs this time. But, in

appreciation of your long service for

our country, our congregation would like

to offer you a patriotic serenade,

written and composed, if I may be able

to boast just a little bit,

by my lovely daughter, Liberty.

Who, as a matter of fact, wrote the

whole thing when she was all of 12 years

old.

Is that right?

It's all you, honey bun.

Okay.

Well, they set out on

the ocean,

leaving misery behind.

They were searching for a purity,

didn't know what they would find.

They just wanted to be faithful,

to be free and left alone.

But when they saw that Massachusetts

rock, they knew that they found home.

Come on, everybody, put your hands IN

THE AIR.

GOD BLESS the USA,

the land of the free

that good and gracious promised land

where we live in harmony.

Land of the pilgrim's pride, land where

my fathers died.

From every mountainside

this land's for you and me.

She's a stupid fundamentalist.

Exactly.

And she's from a battleground state. Not

to mention she's totally hot, which

seals the Bubba vote. Not to mention

you're a pig. Oh, sticks and stones. All

right, that's enough of that, you two.

Kenny, I'm telling you this is our one

chance to win. On what? American Idol?

What about the issues? What about our

agenda? Remember the new party of

Lincoln? Look, you can forget about your

agenda if we don't get that nomination.

And the only way we're going to get it

is by splitting off the Bible nuts or

Tea Partiers. No way those people are

going to vote for Kenny. Yeah.

But they might vote for Liberty.

You still won't have enough delegates.

Nobody does. So, we force a second

ballot. Oh, this is so corrupt. Oh, I'm

sorry if I've offended your high moral

standards. All right. So, Dick, if I'm

getting what you're saying here, we

still got a chance to win this thing?

Correct. What do you say?

About what? The girl as your surrogate.

What do you mean, for impotency stuff? I

don't need No, your political surrogate.

Oh.

Well, she is very appealing.

And people did seem to respond to her

singing, so

Yeah, sure. Why not? Let's do it. That

thing you said.

The suffragette. Surrogate. Right.

So,

it doesn't matter whether we like it or

not.

That's just the way God made us.

Full of the dickens

and wanting things that aren't good for

us. Am I right about that?

But

just because I see it doesn't mean I got

to have it.

And just because I like it doesn't mean

I got to take it.

Now, don't think it's any easier for me

because I'm a preacher.

Because I am a man of God.

Shoot.

I probably got more sins than all of

you.

Now, I'm not trying to shock you.

I'm just telling you like it is.

Because if you don't face the truth

then what?

You're shrouded in a cloud of darkness.

That's what the Bible says.

Oh, the young people.

They say, "Reverend Smith,

I like your preaching.

I like your sermons.

But but why do you go on and on about

sin?

Why Why are you always so judgmental?"

And I say,

"I'm not judging anybody.

I'm just saying to them

they can get clean.

CUZ YOU SEE, GOD is a great cleanser.

He's like a a spiritual washcloth.

He can wipe away your sins, BUT YOU GOT

TO PUT IN THE ELBOW GREASE.

I'M SAYING TO YOU, CHURCH,

you got to get down on your hands and

KNEES AND START SCRUBBING.

NOW, WHEN I WAS A YOUNG BOY, upon my

mama's knee, I used to steal some extra

candy if I thought that she won't see.

But mama caught me creeping in. She knew

that I had stole.

Said, "Boy, you better rub it up dub,

bubble and scrub deep down in your soul.

Bubble and scrub.

Bubble and scrub. God'll bless you

double if you only take the trouble to

get down on your knees with the good old

[ __ ] and Span.

Rub it up dub, bubble and scrub like

only Jesus can."

I used to be a drunkard who stunk of

beer and gin. I'd wake up in the gutter,

couldn't tell you where I've been. But

the good Lord put me in a washer and he

spun me around and round.

Rub it up dub, bubble and scrub.

Was lost, but now I'm found.

I used to play the ponies

and bet on loaded dice.

I'd even stoop to bingo.

So filthy

was my vice.

But with my savior's

spot remover

and a bleach of heavenly

light.

Rub it up dub, bubble and scrub.

My back and soul is white.

The Lord will cleanse you deep down in

your soul.

He'll wash and send you

to your heavenly goal. Well, it's time

to put the plunger to that funky ball of

sin.

Flush it down with a joyful sound and

let the sunshine in.

I used to

dance for money

on a shiny

pole of brass.

And if a gentleman tipped me big enough,

well, I'd show him some of my

class.

But a missionary found me and then he

saved me from perdition.

It was a rub

dub

bubble and scrub.

He taught me hell's

position.

Oh, good church. Good church. GOOD

CHURCH.

HALLELUJAH.

ARE THERE ANY ANNOUNCEMENTS OVER THERE,

BELVA? Thank you, Reverend.

Friday is the last day to take your

chance on winning that family trip to

the John the Baptist water park. So,

make sure you see Esther after the

service to get your ticket. And we have

a special visitor again today, Senator

Kenny Weston.

Senator Senator, did you want to say a

few words? Well, no. Thank you, ma'am.

He's just here to worship humbly before

God as he does every Sunday.

All right, then. I know you're all going

to give Senator Weston and his team a

very warm welcome when you see them.

And don't forget the ladies Bible study

will not be meeting this Wednesday owing

to the problems with the downstairs

plumbing.

And softball practice will be held on

Wednesday, 7:00 p.m. at the high school,

field number three.

And then the Southern Baptist says,

"God, you didn't hear me. I said full of

grace, not full of grease."

Oh, that's a good one, Reverend.

Daddy, that is so old and so corny. I

know, but they're laughing, aren't they?

Oh, uh Reverend, I'd like to introduce

you to my campaign team. This is my

chief strategist, Dick Tankler. Well, a

pleasure to meet you, sir.

Very pleased to meet you, Reverend. I

thought you gave a terrific sermon

today, really thought-provoking. Oh,

well, thank you.

And this is my communications director,

uh Miss Nicole Levine. Well, good for

you. A director at such a young age. You

must be very good at what you do. Oh,

she is. Outstanding. Levine, huh? That

means you're from the tribe of Levi, the

ministers of the ancient temple of

Israel. That means you and I have a lot

in common.

In fact, I had the opportunity to visit

the Holy Land just last year. Have you

been there?

I'm afraid I have not.

Well, you got to get there while you

have the chance. Makes you appreciate

how much we Christians have to thank our

Jewish brethren for. Well, we did let

you borrow some of our books.

Oh, the Bible books. Oh, that's a good

one, Miss Levine. You got to keep her.

She's a smart cookie.

Oh, yeah, we'll never let go of Nicole.

You know, she started with us when she

was just a sophomore at Brandeis. Is

that so?

And who is this lovely lady? Well, this

is my campaign manager, Yolanda Jones.

Who happens to be a very devout

Christian. Oh, it's a pleasure to meet

you, Mrs. Jones. Miss.

Nice to meet you, too, Reverend.

Well,

before you go, would you all like to

join us for some coffee and fellowship?

Liberty has made some cupcakes.

Well, of course we would.

there is something we would like to ask

you first. Uh you and Liberty here. Oh?

Well, we were just so impressed by your

daughter's performance yesterday.

Somehow, she just really managed to

capture the spirit of America.

I thought so, too. So, we were wondering

if she might consider joining us on the

campaign trail for a while.

You want me to sing? Well, yes, sing and

and be a

We'd like you to be a featured

spokesperson for the campaign.

I don't know, Daddy. What do you think?

Well, uh Senator Weston and his team

seem like nice people.

And you do say you're pro-life.

Absolutely. I believe that life begins

at inception.

Conception. Same

thing.

There's one thing that concerns me is

that the girl hasn't been away from home

very much. And I have heard of the

activities that happen on the campaign

trail, especially behind the scenes.

Daddy,

I'm 24 years old. I went to college.

That's exactly why we would be assigning

Miss Levine to be Liberty's personal

chaperone to make sure she's absolutely

safe.

Well,

if that's the case, then it's a done

deal.

If that's okay with you as Liberty.

Well, I guess if Terrific. Well, we all

have to head back to Washington for a

few days. Yep, got to make some votes.

But how about you pack up your things

and Levine, I mean

Nicole picks you up right here day after

tomorrow?

Okay.

Now, who wants some cupcakes?

Let's go.

Okay. I made a bunch. A bunch? Yeah. May

I leave two?

We're thinking her colors would be the

traditional red, white, and blue with a

special emphasis on white to symbolize

purity. I like it. You got any pictures?

Here is the concept poster the focus

groups responded to. We're thinking a

silo, maybe some grazing cattle.

How about you put her on a wild mustang?

Nice.

Yeah, catchy slogan, too.

Are you sure you want to quote a famous

bisexual? What?

You know that's Walt Whitman, don't you?

Whatever, these people don't read

poetry. If they can read at all.

Nikki. And on the bumper stickers, we're

thinking just I Sing America.

Perfect. Great. I'll get them working on

the first spot. Wait till you see the

t-shirts.

I can't believe he made me her

babysitter.

She seems perfectly competent. I'm sure

you don't actually have I should just

quit now.

And let him take over? Thanks, Mom.

I'm not even sure that I want to work in

politics anymore.

Oh.

And her daddy?

No, he's not so bad.

Whose side are you on, anyway? Your

side, baby girl, always. You know that.

But sometimes you're a little quick to

judge people.

I'm judgmental? Sometimes, yeah.

Actually,

it's kind of funny when you think about

it. I mean,

if he only knew.

Nikki?

Hey. We should so get together.

I got a new hot tub. I'm really busy.

Fine.

You could have at least talked to her.

That girl is not about talking.

Can you sit on this for a second?

Are you sure you need all these? I need

to be prepared. Well, I know, but can't

you just go to a library? Well, I'm

going to be traveling.

Sugar.

Hey, hey, hey, don't rip it now. Listen,

let me try.

Oh.

American foreign policy since 1948,

volume two. Sounds like a real

page-turner.

It's interesting.

Well,

how about something smaller?

Mhm?

The Little Mermaid?

Oh, you used to love this.

Until I found out they changed the

ending. The original was so much better.

Hand me that other one.

Hey, listen, Lib. Mhm. If perchance you

happen to meet a young, eligible

bachelor on the campaign trail, well,

you're not getting any younger. I'm not

even 25.

Well, your mom and I were married by the

time we were 21. You were precocious.

Well, you I worry about you.

Yeah, I'm not going to be around

forever.

I don't need you to take care of me.

I know.

I just don't want you to be lonely.

I'm not lonely. I have lots of friends.

Yeah, but but not a special friend.

Not the kind of friend that makes your

heart go pitter-patter like your mom did

for me.

You you you never had a special friend

like that, have you?

Maybe I need to get out of this town.

You'd have to agree my options are

somewhat limited.

Well,

what about them Sarver boys?

I see them in church every Sunday.

They're good-looking.

Carl and Greg Sarver?

Are you kidding?

All they care about is four-wheel

drives, fly fishing, and beer.

Oh, jeez. Well, you know, I guess you're

right. Daddy,

I know you just want me to be happy, but

I'm not going to be happy if I marry

someone I'm not in love with. It's true.

But but you don't you think that your

expectations are just a little bit

unrealistic? I mean, look look look

let's face it.

No guy is going to be as smart as you.

And brains ain't everything.

Daddy.

I never fell for fairy tales,

for the one true love that's found,

that handsome prince who

too soon convinced my feet to leave the

ground.

I never longed for lover songs,

for the poet's perfect rhyme.

All I ever hoped for was someone who'd

spend some time,

just be a friend of mine,

someone real.

Someone who makes me laugh,

who'll share their life with me half and

half,

who will smile in my photograph,

someone who's not

afraid to love.

Someone that I can talk to, who calls me

up when I'm feeling blue,

someone that I can make happy, too,

someone who understands me.

I never fall for Barbie dolls, for

dim-wits, Dixie queens.

Those damsel

nail-polished,

fawning females

figurines.

Bikini wax and cleavage racks

can't hide an empty soul.

Oh,

all I ever hoped for was someone who's

brave and bold, no fragile flower who'll

fade and fold.

Someone real.

Someone who's flesh on bones, who's not

expecting a diva's throne,

just a plain Jane or maybe Joan of Arc.

That girl had balls.

It's fine if she's soft and sweet,

just as long as she's got some meat,

someone with brains but with a

conscience, someone who understands

me.

But what I can't find the love I'm

seeking?

That someone who can take me as I am.

That old friend I can talk to without

speaking.

The lover with a sure and steady hand.

Someone who's on the square, who's not

obsessed with her processed hair.

Someone who really cares, someone who's

not afraid to love.

It's fine if they've got love handles.

She could even wear socks with sandals.

I'm not expecting a lifetime plan, just

want to understand a hometown man who'll

take a family like me.

Just give me someone that I can love

for me.

We love you, Liberty.

I love you guys, too, so much.

I just wish your mom

Just give Just give me a call every now

and again, okay? I'll call you every

day.

But you've got to promise me you'll eat

something more than canned soup.

Promise.

I left some super simple recipes by the

microwave.

Miss Smith.

Coming. Just remember what we talked

about.

Daddy, I love you.

I sing America?

Kind of sounds like that Walt Whitman

poem.

You know, uh I Hear America Singing from

Leaves of Grass.

I Hear America Singing, the varied

carols I hear.

Those of mechanics, each one singing in

his as it should be blithe and

We should get going.

Okay.

Bye.

Love you. Love you.

A dramatic change of political strategy

for candidate Kenny Weston tonight, and

could one young woman save an entire

campaign?

I'm Ralph Schnitzel, and you've just

entered the briefing room.

Well, some political analysts are

calling it a desperate Hail Mary pass,

while others applaud Kenny Weston's

recent political rebranding as a

brilliant piece of strategy.

But maybe the results speak for

themselves.

In just 1 hour, a new campaign

commercial featuring the singing,

dancing sensation Liberty Smith received

over 20 million views.

And just in case you've been living in a

cave for the last few days, here it is

now.

Let's smoke ahead to the good old days,

when life was bright and new.

I'm looking forward to the good old

days, a time that's tried and true.

A time when everybody

knew your name, and even if they didn't,

they smiled just the same. I found a

future in the good old days,

now won't you join me, too?

Two young lovers on a bright spring day,

while mama waits inside.

Better not cuss or fuss or fight,

cuz papa will tan your hide.

Grandma sits a-stitching in her rocker,

and every meal was made by Betty

Crocker. We can go back to the good old

days,

but it's up to you to decide.

And Sunday was

the Lord's

for baseball and barbecues.

Fishing with Junior at the

catfish pond,

while Missy helped her mother with the

chores

or two.

Let's march ahead to a brand new day,

like the ones we left behind.

Let's take a page from a golden age, a

kinder, gentler

time.

A time when right

was right,

and God was God.

And if you sing a tune,

they'll all stand and play along.

I'm moving on to the good

old days,

now won't you join me? Oh, won't you

join me? Won't

you

join

me, too?

I'm Kenny Weston, and I approve this

message.

And now, turning to you first, Tom

Tiskin. New polls showing Weston up by

five points in Ohio, but with the gap

narrowing after his lackluster

performance on Tuesday night. What does

Kenny Weston need to do in the next 2

weeks before election day?

Well, he's definitely got to improve his

performance in the next debate. He he

needs to look presidential, in command,

but still relatable. Someone the

American people would want to go on a

fishing trip with.

And of course, the Liberty factor is

going to be huge. She's enormously

popular with both unmarried females 18

to 25 and the evangelicals, whose

turnout on election is going to be

absolutely essential. She's sweet, she's

smart, she's very, very sexy. Frankly,

if I were Weston, I would let her do all

the talking.

And the president of Turkmenistan, I

think I can pronounce his first name,

but the second name I just

have to worry about any of that.

You're going to be great. Everybody

loves you.

But what if somebody asks me something I

don't know how to answer? Just listen.

When you meet the press or face the

nation,

there are some rules by which you always

must abide.

If you follow these simple lessons,

you will make a strong impression.

And the pundits will come over to your

side.

Stay on message. Project confidence.

Say you think that Washington is rotten.

Just look relaxed.

But if a questioner attacks, digress

until the question is forgotten.

You got to keep it short

and make it snappy.

Repeat it over and over like a rhyme.

Ideas that once seemed dense will feel

like common sense when they've heard it

over 1,500 times. But if they press you

for a statement and you're not sure it's

okay,

remember,

you never get in trouble for something

you don't say.

Think you've got it?

I think so. Okay.

Let's try one.

Miss Smith, some have called you the

pretty face of ugly politics. Your

response?

Um

I think

Can I get a hint? I

Pivot. Remember? Take the conversation

from something you don't want to talk

about to something you do want to talk

about. But what should I talk about?

Well,

you can never go wrong with the four

F's.

Four F's?

Faith, family, freedom, and [ __ ]

mistakes by the opponent.

You can use statistics

as ballistics.

Drop them like a bomb to clear the air.

The facts are flexible, always

selectable.

One person's foul is another person's

fair.

You got to thank God a lot and your

parents.

Without them you'd have never made it

here.

That's true.

Talk about your grandma from down in

Alabama who works 18-hour days as a

volunteer.

My grandma is But if they question your

assumptions or the picture you portray,

remember,

you never get in trouble for something

you don't say.

Does that ever bother you?

What?

You know,

not telling the whole truth?

Nobody tells the whole truth.

So don't say intervention, say keeping

peace.

Don't say occupation, say

permanent lease. Don't say doggy dogs,

market forces.

Don't say exploited labor, say human

resources.

I think she's got it.

Okay.

Mhm, I can do that tomorrow.

And don't say global warming, say this

too shall pass.

Don't say air pollution, say prosperity

gap. Don't say detention camps, say

enhanced cooperative. Don't say we lied,

say

previous statements are inoperative.

I'll stay on message to those talking

heads.

Confident

Clear and confident. Say I think that

Washington

is rotten.

I'll look relaxed. Don't be afraid to

show a hint of fun. And if a questioner

questioner

attacks you, just pivot

Don't let them get you with a question.

And digress until the question is

forgotten.

And if I stumble on my answers and the

pundits make me pay,

I'll remember

you never get in trouble

if you keep speaking double.

You never get in trouble for something

you don't say.

Get out of my way.

Can I get a little help?

I can't get this without a Can I get a

little help here?

What's up? You know how to do this,

right? Yeah. Uh I just need you to

Okay.

Uh Miss Smith, this won't hurt a bit.

All right, I

think

Let's just go

this way.

Okay, you have to stand still. I can't

help it, I'm ticklish.

Liberty.

Ralph Snetchler, sorry to interrupt

walking in on the dressing room there.

Nice to meet you finally. Won't you uh

scoot around here.

Yeah, so so great to have you here

finally. I know we've been trying to get

you on the show for

seems like a couple of months.

And five, four.

And welcome back. Joining me now, a face

familiar to all of America, Weston

campaign surrogate Miss Liberty Smith.

Welcome to the briefing room, Liberty.

Thanks, Ralph. I'm really delighted to

be here.

Now, Liberty, let's be honest. Uh

without you, Kenny Weston's campaign

would have been washed up a few months

ago. You gave him a whole new lease on

life.

That's very nice of you to say, Ralph,

but I I really can't claim any credit.

Senator Weston is the one who's out

there every day fighting for ordinary

Americans.

I'm just cheering from the sidelines.

Well, I guess every candidate wishes he

had a cheerleader as pretty as you then.

Now, of course, we all know that your

father is a well-respected pastor.

Mhm. That's right.

But what our viewers might not know is

that your mother was a medical

missionary who traveled to some of the

most dangerous parts of the world in

order to help those in need until uh

That That's right. Uh my mother was

She She was tragically

Yes. Um

as a matter of fact, that's why I am

such a strong supporter of Senator

Weston.

Senator Weston believes that America

should take the lead in

per-

creating a a more peaceful world.

Fascinating. We're going to take a short

break, but when we come back, more

intimate conversation with America's

political sweetheart, Miss Liberty

Smith. Stick around.

You really think it was okay? Yeah, it

was great. It was perfect. And nice

pivot on that mom question. I'm glad you

didn't let him push you around and get

too personal. Hey, girls.

Hi, Yolanda.

I saw you from the green room. You were

fabulous.

Well, that's only because of Nikki. You

want to come to lunch with us? Uh I wish

I could, but I got a plane.

Dinkler wants you back in Washington,

too.

What? Kenny needs debate prep badly.

Probably not until the election.

But I thought she was going to be with

me the whole time because

Don't worry about it. You're doing

great.

You don't need me anymore.

That's not true. I I still need you.

I mean, your help. I

I'm still not very good at all this.

Hey. Hey.

Why don't you come with us for a few

days?

What?

Where? To Washington. You can stay with

me. I have a whole empty house now.

Uh I wouldn't want to impose or Not at

all.

I'll give you your own key. You can come

and go.

Then Nikki can show you around down

between sessions, right, Nick? Mhm.

Nikki.

I'd love to, but are you are you sure

it's okay?

Positive.

Okay.

All right, Kenny, just relax, be

yourself, and the election is yours as

long as you don't [ __ ] up.

I'm sure that really puts him at ease.

Stay in character, Levine.

All right, Kenny, let's try one.

Uh put on the glasses. Hold the glasses

here.

All right. Okay, hit me.

I'm ready. Senator Weston.

Could you please outline your position

on immigration? Specifically, do you

favor comprehensive immigration reform

and a path to citizenship? Immigration,

okay. Uh that's a tough one.

Uh

Right. Well, Nikki

Ralph. Ralph. Ralph.

Right.

Well, Ralph, as you know,

America is a nation of immigrants. My

ancestors, my wife's grandparents, all

came here legally, of course,

trying to make a better life for

themselves and for their children.

They left from wherever they were and

came

to the Statue of Liberty, where our

poor,

and our hungry, our wretched refuse, our

tired, all huddled together.

Now, Julie's family worked in the coal

mines in Pennsylvania.

And mine worked hard on riverboats up

and down the Mississippi, like you might

see in Mark Twain or Huck Finn. What the

[ __ ] are you talking about?

Well, I Okay, you're making me nervous.

Just let me

Here, give me another minute. Let's

start over again, okay? Oh, you

Foreign policy.

Senator Weston,

some in your party say that it's time

for America to scale back its military

commitments around the world. They say

we simply can no longer be the world's

policeman, and they propose major cuts

to the defense budget. Where exactly do

you stand on this issue?

Well, I appreciate your question, NIKKI.

RALPH.

[ __ ] RALPH.

RALPH.

As you know,

America is the greatest country in the

world.

In fact, we always have been, ever since

we beat the redcoats in the American

Revolution. And I guess I'm just not

ready to give that up.

You know, American workers are the

greatest workers in the world. And

that's why everyone wants military

hardware that's from the United States.

So,

if I'm elected president, I guarantee

that every aircraft carrier, every

cruise missile, every jet fighter, every

surveillance drone across the world,

around the entire globe, says

Made in America.

Not

Made in Japan

or Guatemala.

Kenny, did you memorize the talking

points I gave you? Yes.

Which ones?

All of them. Most of them.

You have to memorize all of them and all

of the attack lines, too. Absolutely no

ad-libbing. Just the script. We can't

rehearse until you know your lines.

I thought that last answer was pretty

good.

All right, we're done for the day.

Kenny, I need to talk to you.

Hey.

Where are you?

Okay.

With malice toward none,

with charity for all,

with firmness in the right as God gives

us to see the right,

let us strive on to finish the work we

are in.

And

Hey, what's up? Where are you? Oh, we're

just leaving the Lincoln [ __ ]

Shoot.

Totally forgot. I figured you did. Why

don't you just head over now and then

bring Libby with you. We'll make it a

trio.

Bring her there?

Bring me where?

Bring her to the bar.

Yolanda invited me for drinks for my

birthday. Do you want to come?

We'll be there in 15.

You sneaky [ __ ]

Did you know about this?

Remind me to never trust you again.

Okay.

What can I get you guys?

Um

do you have like ginger ale? Yeah, sure.

That sounds good. I'll have the same.

Okay.

So,

how are you?

Fine.

Fine, yeah.

Thanks. Just Just fine.

Oh, I almost forgot. Uh

I have a present for you.

Well, you didn't have to do that. Well,

um I was in the Supreme Court gift shop

and I saw this.

I thought of you right away.

The complete opinions of Louis Brandeis.

Yeah, I hope you don't have it already.

No, I don't have it.

The dissent on Olmstead vs. US is really

incredible.

Anyway, I just thought if you do end up

going to law school, you know,

it might come in handy.

I don't know anyone like you.

To you.

Well, no, to us.

I mean,

you know, to both of us, not just me.

Oh, [ __ ]

Oh my gosh.

You're all wet. Oh, uh

I can do that by myself. Thanks. Um

Listen, I better

I should drive you. It's late.

I'm fine.

I should really I got to catch my plane

early tomorrow.

I should uh

Thanks for a great gay day.

Oh, love,

I dare not speak your name.

For if I speak your name,

you will hear my voice

trembling.

Oh, love,

I dare not meet your gaze.

For if I meet your gaze,

you will see my eyes

wanting.

Then

all is lost.

All

is lost.

Better not to see.

Better not to hear.

And never speak your name.

Oh, love,

I dare not stand too near.

For if I stand too near,

you will feel my heart

beating.

Oh, love,

I dare not see you smile.

For if I see you smile,

you will catch my soul

singing,

then all

is lost.

But when

I speak your name, it's when I can

believe

there

is another world.

And when you're all alone,

as I am all alone,

do you ever speak my name?

Do you ever

Do you

speak

my

name?

Well, they're calling it Kissgate, a

campaign scandal that has rocked

Washington and put this election back up

for grabs. America's conservative

sweetheart turns out to be

a lesbian.

Now Democrats are calling flip-flop, and

Weston, socially conservative, base is

furious. The question now, of course,

what did Kenny Weston know about

Liberty's sexual preference?

And when did he know it?

I'm really sorry, Kenny.

I messed up.

Well, maybe we can

You messed up?

You [ __ ] over our whole campaign just

so you could score a little more [ __ ]

You shut your dirty mouth. You can't

talk to her like that.

Says me.

Well, at the very least, it was

incredibly unprofessional.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am

for all the trouble I've caused.

I'm going away.

Liberty, it's okay. Just because your

father's a bigot, doesn't He's not a

bigot.

That's not what I meant.

He's the kindest, most generous person I

know. If anybody's a bigot,

it's you.

What? You think anybody who believes in

God is stupid, or naive, or deluded, or

say that.

You didn't have to.

Why are you taking this out on me? I'm

not the one

I love you.

Oh, please.

You don't even know what real love is.

It's about self-sacrifice.

It's about

doing things for others.

Doing the right thing, even if it's not

the thing you want.

Giving up

your own life for someone else's.

That's real love.

No.

That's codependency. There's a big

difference.

So you're saying Jesus was codependent?

I knew it. Liberty, wait a sec.

Oh Lord,

we ask you for the courage to change.

For we know that if we come before you

humbly and ask for forgiveness, we will

be born anew.

Oh, yours is a wonder-working,

transformative power.

A power to heal body and spirit.

We ask you to use your awesome power

to heal Liberty,

who's suffering so at this moment.

Oh Lord,

we ask you to fill her afresh with the

Holy Spirit and to make her clean again.

Thank you, Lord.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Honey, it's going to be okay.

I think praying made me feel even worse.

But you'll be all better real soon.

The brochure says this place has all the

most modern treatments and and and and a

cure rate of over 90%.

Plus,

with all those gay men there, you know

they're going to have a terrific glee

club.

I think drinking is making me feel

worse.

It usually does.

You're definitely not a happy drunk.

I shouldn't have kissed her.

It's not like she didn't want to. Well,

maybe I just pushed her into it.

I really think she'll come around.

Just be patient.

And now new developments in the

unfolding Kissgate scandal.

America's sweetheart, Liberty Smith, has

checked into what sources close to the

family describe as a gender

reorientation facility. Exclusive video

footage of Liberty now as she enters the

Straight from the Heart Reparative

Therapy Camp outside of Lynchburg,

Virginia.

[ __ ]

Some say that losing

makes the heart grow strong.

Some say you'll forget her

before too long.

Some say you're better off.

Some say

it all depends.

Some say it's better to have loved and

lost, but I say I'll never

will be lost in this love again.

Oh, cuz love

makes the wise

ones foolish

and do things

that they should not do.

And love

makes the foolish ones

think they're so wise

that all

of their dreams

may come true.

I'm tired of the moonlight

that shines in her hair.

I'm so done with dancing

in our perfect little pair.

Those sweet, tender kisses

that

I wished would not end.

Some say it's better to have loved and

lost, but I say I'll never

will be lost in this love

again.

Sometimes I get so lonely.

Sometimes I get so blue.

Sometimes I get so damn depressed that I

can't see my

way through.

But one thing's for certain,

I am staying

on this

track

unless you want me still, cuz I would

gladly take a bath.

What was I thinking?

What have I done?

Messed up my whole life.

I really thought she was the one.

I thought I found a lover,

but I lost

my best friend.

Some say

it's better to have loved and lost, but

I can't forget her.

I'll be lost in this love

till the end.

Well, good morning, everybody. Welcome

back. Um I would like to begin by

introducing a new friend. Say hello to

Liberty. Hi, Liberty. Let me begin by

saying how truly blessed we are to have

you with us today. We know how difficult

it can be to take that first step, but I

am living proof that change is possible.

Most of our graduates go on to lead

happy and productive lives with

attractive opposite sex partners.

Some become proud parents and leaders of

Fortune 500 companies.

Some even go on to become important

figures in the church.

So, let's get started.

When God made Adam from a dirty lump of

clay,

he saw that it was good, but not enough.

So, he snatched a rib from Adam

to fashion that first madam.

And that is why you girls and boys are

made from different stuff.

Why girls like symphonies and quilting

bees and

pretty please and meeting girlfriends at

the mall.

But most of all,

most of all, girls like boys.

And boys like hockey pucks and pickup

trucks and 12-point bucks and getting

drunk with all the guys.

So, it's no surprise

most of all, boys like girls.

But occasionally,

we get confused.

The wires get crossed and the message is

lost, but when temptation calls, we must

refuse.

Cuz if you give in to your nature,

you're bound to lose.

Come on now. Boy girl, boy girl, boy

girl.

And one, two, three, and

two,

three.

But occasionally,

we are perplexed.

We feel no effects from the opposite

sex, but when temptation calls, we must

refuse.

Cuz if you give in to your nature,

you're bound to lose.

That's right, men. Come on. Dig deeper.

And girls like diamond rings. And boys

like breaking things. like picking

roses. And boys like punching noses.

like baby dolls. But most of all,

most of all, boys like girls.

And girls like being flirted with. And

boys like getting dirty. And girls like

cute and cuddly. And boys like giant

hooters. And girls like phone calls. But

most of all,

most of all,

boys like

girls.

Girls like boys.

Boys like girls.

Girls like boys.

Well,

well, it isn't easy

being normal.

Man,

Miss Jones,

what a pleasure to see you today.

Can I talk to you for a moment? Oh,

sure.

Come on in. I'm sorry the place usually

isn't this bad. Here, have a seat.

Uh can I get you something to drink? Uh

coffee or pop or juice? No, thanks.

Well,

you must be as overwhelmed by this whole

thing as I am. Actually, I'm not with

the campaign anymore.

Oh.

The Reverend Smith

Uh-huh.

It's JJ.

I know you only want what you think is

best for Liberty. Oh, hey.

It's not what I want. It's what God

wants.

Uh

don't you think God wants Liberty to be

happy?

Oh, yeah, but sin can't make a person

happy, not in the long run.

And loving someone,

is that a sin?

Oh, well,

I don't know if Libby ever told you, but

um my father was a pastor.

I don't recall that she did. I grew up

in the church.

There were five of us. And my oldest

brother, Jimmy,

he was an incredible singer as a young

man.

Everybody said he had the most beautiful

voice they'd ever heard.

Until one day,

my dad

found him with another boy from the

choir.

Well, Daddy was furious.

Said

no son of his was going to be a

candy-ass [ __ ]

Jimmy was so ashamed.

We didn't see him for years.

Didn't know if he was dead or alive.

Well, what happened to him?

He ran away to the city.

Lord knows what he had to do to survive

in those days.

He was 16.

Did you ever see him again?

I did.

A couple times before he died.

Didn't look the same, though.

And the saddest thing,

What?

he never sang another note.

Not one

note.

Anointed by God with a beautiful voice,

and he never used it again.

I guess he

felt like he didn't have much to sing

praise about.

If your God

is one

who fills a child with fear,

and if your God

is one

who commands,

but

doesn't hear,

and if your God

is one

who is certain

and and self-righteous.

Then

Mary never had a son. There's no hope

for anyone.

Jesus was an atheist.

And so am I.

Now, just wait a second. This is a house

of God. You can't just say that.

And if your God

is a one

who clings

to his own opinions.

And if your God

is one who

who makes love feel like shame.

Tell me

if your God

is one

who hates the same things you do.

There is no hill at Calvary.

The future's bleakest it can be. Jesus

was an atheist.

So am I.

Oh, so

am I.

Cuz how can love be wrong?

And how can hate be right?

How can it ever love be wrong?

Cast a stone at

his own children.

It's not right. It's not right.

But if your God

is one

who's filled with deep compassion.

And if your God

is one who feels another's pain.

And if your God

is

one

who sees

the light

in every pain.

I'll sing praises in a song.

There's hope inside of everyone.

I know there is a God.

And God is

love.

Oh,

my God is love.

Oh.

God is love. God is love.

Oh.

How can it be wrong? How can it BE

WRONG?

OH, HOW CAN IT BE RIGHT?

How can a gentle prince of peace

make a war

and hurt his own

children?

If your God

is one

who surpasses

all understanding.

And if your God

is one

who's called

by many names.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It's

greater than the prophet's mind. You can

have the most unshaking faith, but if

you don't have love, it's all a waste. I

was feeling gratitude.

It holds no grudge and it does not

brood. You can have the most angelic

voice, but if you don't have love, it's

all just noise.

My God is love. My God is love.

He is love.

He is love.

My

God is love.

He

is love.

MY GOD. MY GOD

IS LOVE.

MY GOD

IS LOVE.

MOM?

You came out so beautifully.

I still miss you, Mom.

You know what you have to do.

But what about Daddy?

Oh.

He'll get over it.

And by the way, could you ask him to get

over me?

I've moved on.

And five, four, three,

two.

Senator Weston, thank you so much for

joining us on The Briefing Room today.

Oh, it's my pleasure, Rolf.

Let's get right to it. The latest polls

show that the general public and even a

majority within your own party have an

overwhelmingly favorable opinion of the

Liberty-Levine relationship since their

appearance on the Sunday Talks last

week. In fact, many observers attribute

your sagging poll numbers to your poor

handling of the kiss-gate scandal. Would

you consider revising your position on

their relationship and on same-sex

marriage generally?

Well, Rolf,

as I have stated before, I bear no

personal animosity towards Liberty or

Miss Levine or the homosexual people as

a people generally.

Um in fact, I wish them all the

happiness in the world.

I believe that America

is all about freedom.

That's why my ancestors came here in the

first place.

Well, they weren't gay, of course.

You know, if they were gay, I wouldn't

even be here.

But you know, I don't even know if they

had gay people back then.

Except maybe the cowboys.

Did you ever see that movie Humpback

Mountain about the fellas?

So so you still do not support same-sex

marriage.

I didn't say that.

Did I?

Do you take this woman

to have and to hold?

And she's frail and she's feeble.

And she's tired and old.

I do.

But do you take this woman

beginning

today?

Will you go where I am going

and stay where I stay?

I do.

And

even though

you see my imperfections.

I

Even though they say that lovers change.

Even though we never know what this life

may bring.

I'll trust in you.

I'll trust you, too.

I'll stay with you.

I'll stay here, too.

As long as we both

shall live.

Do you

take this woman?

To

honor and obey.

When you know you're right and she is

wrong,

will you listen

anyway?

Do you

take

this woman

for

richer and poorer?

If she's recognized and famous or quiet

and obscure,

and Do you

see my imperfections?

I am

Even though you see my imperfections,

even though they say

that lovers change.

Even though they say that

lovers change.

Even though we never know what this life

may bring.

I'll trust in you.

I'll trust you, too.

I promise you.

I promise, too.

As long as we both shall live.

This woman.

As you worsen your life.

I'm still a bit inhibiting. I am sure

that that will pass.

Do you

take this woman

to have and to hold?

My mother's kind of crazy.

My father's,

well, you know.

Do you

take

this woman

to honor

and obey?

Sometimes I'm hyper-sensitive.

You're an artist. That's okay.

Even though

you see

my imperfections.

Even though you see my imperfections,

even though they say

that lovers change.

Even though they say that lovers change.

Even though

we never

know what this

life may

bring.

I'll trust in you.

I'll trust you, too.

I'll stay with you.

I'll stay with you.

I promise you.

I promise,

too.

I'll trust in you. I'll trust in you.

I'll stay with you. I'll stay with you.

As long as we both

shall live.

As long as

you both shall live.

Oh, love.

I finally speak your

name.

As long as we both

shall live.

FAREWELL.

OKAY.

I WANT A PIECE OF YOUR HEART.

I DON'T need

it forever.

Just want a piece of your heart.

I want a piece of your heart.

I don't need

every last bit.

Just want a place I can start.

To begin, to come towards you.

Cross the river,

then the ocean, to the place where

you'll be waiting.

Where the time turns every table.

Over years, this feeling won't fade

away.

Hey.

I'll keep a piece of your heart.

Keep it safe

if you let me. A little piece of your

heart.

Hold it close.

Hold it closer.

Give me a piece of your

heart.

And I'll give

what you ask me.

Just tell me where I can start.

I would climb

any mountain,

cross the river,

then the ocean, to the place where

you'll be waiting.

Where the time turns every table.

Over years, this feeling won't fade

away.

I just want a

piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your heart.

I just want a piece of your

heart.