All language subtitles for zalle

Once

[singing]

I loved,

and I gave so much love to this love.

[singing]

It was the world to me.

Once [singing]

I cried

at the thought [singing] I was foolish

and proud, and let you say goodbye.

>> [music]

>> Then

one day, [singing]

>> [music]

>> from my infinite sadness, you came

>> [singing]

>> and brought me out of

again.

Now

>> [singing]

>> I know

that no [singing] matter what ever

befalls, I'll [music] never let you go.

I will hold you close

night and day

because love is the saddest thing

when it goes away.

You know, goldfish have only [music] a

3-second memory.

That means if it takes 3 seconds to swim

around the bowl, everything is new.

Each time two goldfish meet, it's like

it's the first time.

It's just like humans, [music] really.

Each time we fall in love, it's as if

we're doing it for the first time.

Some kind of chemical reaction kicks in

and wipes [music] out all the memories

of how painful the last heartbreak was,

and we think, "Wow, this is great. This

is new.

This is different." Like women

forgetting the pain of childbirth.

Lovely. [music]

So, we never change or learn or grow. We

simply go round and round repeating the

same mistakes until we die.

What's the point?

Love. What is love?

I bought you a present. Hmm, it's hot.

Rilke's poems. Yes.

In German.

Yes. With facing [music] translation.

Thanks. Here, look at page 23.

Again and again, again and again,

even knowing the landscape of love,

and the little churchyard there with its

sorrowing names,

and the hauntingly silent abyss into

which the others descend.

No, I think more something like um

champagne. No, it's over.

Cuckoo.

Holy mother of god.

>> sorry. Sorry.

Yeah, look, you're fine.

Sorry.

Take it easy, pal.

Surprise, surprise, it's raining on St.

Patrick's Day.

Well, that one's quite interesting.

Hi, I'm Angie Power from the 9:00 News.

Yeah, I recognize you. I was wondering

if you'd like to come over and uh and

tell us what this is all about. Sure.

Um

so, why are you here? Well, there's

ample evidence to support the fact that

Patrick was North African, and that many

of his beliefs reflected the teachings

of ancient Egyptian religion.

The Catholic Church, of course, has

simply used Patrick as

propaganda

to squelch out the indigenous religions

of the day. That's very interesting.

Yeah, they did the same thing to Jesus.

Right.

I I'd love to hear more about this.

Maybe you could give me a ring sometime.

Okay.

Sure.

She's a new semiotics professor.

She's nice, isn't she?

Not my type.

What, over 30?

Yeah.

You want to have to watch yourself with

these young ones.

Why?

Apparently, one of your um

racing conquests went off and cried to

Mommy, and they filed a report.

That's ridiculous.

Getting your heart broken is as much a

part of first love as moonlight and

roses.

God save us from Irish mammies. Well,

you might choose to believe that, but

the dean

>> Look,

I love these girls, each and every one

of them, and my actions are dictated

only by love.

I provide them with a safe place to

blossom, and when they want to, they can

move on. That's very noble.

I'd like to think so.

No.

>> [music]

>> Again and again,

we walk out together under the ancient

trees,

lie down again and again amongst the

flowers,

face to face

with the heavens.

All right, I'll be back again to be sure

to read the sorrows of young Werther for

next week.

You wanted to see me?

Ah, yes. Yes, Isolda.

That was a brilliant essay. Oh. Really

insightful. Oh, thanks. I especially

liked your view on the notion of half in

love that Keats talks about. Because, of

course, you've hit on his very weakness.

And being half in love is like being

half pregnant, isn't it?

>> Yes. [laughter]

That's what I think.

I mean, you either are in love

or you aren't.

Yes.

Are you walking out?

>> Yes.

Of course.

There's a difference between love and

attraction.

Oh, yes, of course, even though

attraction sometimes feels like love.

It's a funny old business, isn't it?

Sometimes.

Sweet, I don't

just know what it was all about.

Anyway, it's not important.

I don't care.

You know, I can't imagine it, though.

Okay.

Okay.

You speak German? A bit. Ah, [music]

yes. You see, I thought you understood

that Goethe quote. Was that a test? No,

no, no, no. Just an in-joke.

An intimate joke.

Hi, yeah. Hand delivery to the signatory

only.

>> Sorry, could you hold on? I I'll call

you back. Sense that.

You see, it starts with a toothbrush,

and the next thing we're fighting over

the laundry. Now, if you want true love

and commitment,

get a puppy.

Fake.

I'd ask you up, but my flatmate sleeps

during the day. He's a security guard.

>> Ah, thank you anyway. Oh, Isolda,

could you do me a little favor? Sure.

Could you um

whisper to me in German?

Whisper to you? Yeah.

I just adore whispered German.

Could you?

Oh, what should I say? Oh, anything.

Just tell me something you like.

Please?

Hello, hi. Is that Redburn? Yeah. Hi,

this is um

Bozo.

>> You're locked out of your bike tomorrow.

It's easy now when you don't make a

[ __ ] living on a bike. I Well, I get

off work at 6:00, so Okay.

I'll see you then, at the bike. Okay,

all right. I'll see you then. Okay, bye.

You know, he aged.

Isolda.

Oh my god, what was I thinking of?

I completely How long have you been

here? I am so sorry. Come in, come in.

So, why did you say you were delayed?

Ah, [sighs]

had to have a little chat with one of

the students.

>> Which student?

You wouldn't know her.

>> What's her name?

Isolde. Lovely.

So Good kisser?

What are you talking about?

>> You're a crap liar.

I saw you, Tom. And you know, I don't

even care about you being with other

women or lying about it, but you're

pathetic.

And one day soon, you're going to end up

a sad, lonely old man with a guilty

conscience.

Goodbye.

You again?

You got something against me? So sorry,

I'm actually I can't believe it's

I don't know like

You're all right.

Would you mind unlocking it now though?

Oh Jesus, yeah. Of course, sir. Sorry.

Sorry.

Listen, thanks.

Listen, um

I want to give you something for the

wages that you lost.

Don't be silly.

You just buy me a drink sometime.

Yeah, all right.

Great.

See you.

See you.

Hello, Angie. It's Clara.

Hello, Clara.

No, of course I remember you. Yes, yes.

I I'd love to. Uh what what about um

Thursday night?

Perfect. Do you know um

Miss Julie's High Cross Street? Yeah.

7:00?

Perfect. Fantastic. That's um I'll see

you then. Okay, bye.

Yes!

>> [music]

[music]

[singing]

[music]

>> Hi.

I'm so sorry I'm late. I got held up at

work.

How are you doing? I'm good. I'm good.

How are you? I'm great.

Would you like a drink? I'd love one.

Excellent.

Love. I mean,

what is love?

>> [music]

>> By the way, I brought you a little

something.

Oh, thanks. Thank you.

Oh, wow!

Rilke's poems.

In the original German. Yes,

>> [music]

>> with facing translation.

I was hoping you might have whispered

one to me later.

Why don't you look at page 23? Okay.

Again and again.

Again and again.

Even knowing that

>> know, the usual.

Got my heart broken in 17 places, but uh

well, I learned a lot.

And you?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Um

not really.

A girlfriend?

>> No. Sorry. I just

you know, I I I didn't want to presume

that you're straight. I mean, if you're

not, it d- it doesn't matter.

Are you?

I don't know.

Well,

my best friend and I used to practice

kissing on each other when we were 13,

but um

that doesn't really count, does it?

Well, it depends.

Did you enjoy it?

I suppose.

Um

Jesus.

>> [clears throat]

>> I hadn't thought about this until now,

but uh

I suppose we

did it more than once, so

um

Would you like another drink? Oh, yes,

please.

>> [music]

[singing]

[singing]

>> You sure you've never slept with a woman

before?

Guess I'm just a natural.

Rosie! Cuckoo!

Hello.

Nice knickers.

You like them?

Sure.

Are they new?

I got them for you.

Thanks, but I don't think they'd suit

me.

You know what I mean.

Do you want a beer?

Oh my god, he can't be more than 12.

Why? Do you think I'm old?

So do I.

>> [music]

>> I had a great time. Me, too. See you

tonight? Can't wait.

Good morning, Eddie. Morning.

You are a divine creature.

I don't know. Seriously? Seriously.

I love everything about you.

I love the way you talk.

The way you move.

The way that lock of hair falls down

over your eye.

I'm crazy about you, Isolde.

I love your name.

I love you.

I thought we were just going to have

some fun.

But we are having fun.

Aren't we?

>> [snorts]

>> Let's just keep it light, okay?

I mean, I just got out of a heavy

relationship. I don't want to get back

into one.

Of course, of course.

Sorry. Don't be sorry.

I'll go get dressed.

Right.

So, what's today's disaster then?

Sheila Divine. You know, the wife of

that Diddy. Oh, your man that had the

affair with the woman from the

newspaper? Only for 17 years.

Jesus.

Mrs. Divine, how could you not know that

she was deceiving you? Ooh. Sorry? Who

Who was deceiving me?

Your husband.

Oh, no, no.

No, I I had no idea. No idea. Did you

never suspect that she was lying to you?

Sorry, who? Your husband. It sounded

like you said she.

She? Yes, she was lying to you. Who?

That's what I mean.

Hi.

Hello.

A little light reading?

Research.

Sure. What are you working on?

You don't want to know.

No, really.

Oh, it's just paper on quantum physics

and Stone Age architecture, you know,

the spirals and algorithms and all that.

Oh.

You do research?

Yes, yes, I'm uh

I'm uh

there's this paper, it's sort of um

Ready to go?

Yeah, yeah.

See you.

Bye.

When do you ever want kids? Jesus

Christ, I'm 22. Give us a chance.

Oh, stop. Would you just sit

down, please? Sorry.

Oh, yeah. Box of matches, please.

Box of matches. Bozo.

How's it going?

Hi.

Um

right. Yeah.

Listen, drinks all around.

Well, here and here anyway.

What are you having?

Um well, I I I have to um

I owe you a drink, so That's true, you

do. I'll have a tequila, thanks. I'll

have a tequila and I'll have a pint,

please. Oh, great. I'm just in the mood

to have a beer spilled on me.

Oh, when the saints

GO ON THAT PITCH ON THE PITCH OH, WHEN

THE SAINTS

>> THIS IS IT.

RIGHT.

I'D ASK YOU UP, BUT YOU got a

girlfriend.

Yeah.

Come back to my place.

I can't. Why not? I have a girlfriend.

That's what you keep saying.

You're not gay?

Of course I'm not.

I think I love you.

I'm sorry.

Shouldn't have not have said that.

I don't like using words like love.

Why not?

I love you really means do you love me?

And I own you and

all that crap.

That's not true.

You know what? I

I don't expect you to love me back.

It'd be nice.

I really like you, Anthony.

I really like you, too.

Where are you going?

To the loo.

Oh.

Sorry.

>> [music]

>> I'd love us to spend some some real time

together.

I'm seeing someone else, you know.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

A woman.

Cool. You don't have a problem with

that? Why should I have a problem if

you're bisexual? Who said anything about

bisexual?

Maybe I've turned lesbian.

Have you?

Would you have a problem with that? No

way, babe. I believe in freedom in every

possible way.

You're beautiful. Of course everyone's

going to want you. I can appreciate

that. So you'd be cool about me seeing

her and you at the same time? [music]

Yeah.

Sure, babe.

Why should we be limited to some

antiquated bourgeois concept of

monogamy? If you're attracted to

someone, there's a reason for it and you

owe it to yourself to find out what that

reason is. Everyone in our lives is sent

to us to teach us something. It's part

of our karma from our past lives. So if

the gods see fit to send you someone,

who are you to question their judgment?

You just have to say yes to life. Yes to

love. Yes to pleasure. You just have to

say yes, yes, yes. Let me smell it. Let

me taste [music] it. Let me feel it.

Am I gay tomorrow? Give it all out to me

now.

Tell her to me.

Yes.

Hi, it's Izzy. Leave a message [music]

and I'll call you back.

Just one more time, Izzy. Yeah, it's me

again. Look, I'm I'm I'm sorry to leave

so many messages. It's just uh

Uh look, I was worried about you, okay?

I hope you're all right. Um well, well

you left without a note or anything, so

uh

Listen, uh give us a ring sometime and

look, I'm I'm sorry to be rambling on

and um I'm at home and and and I'd love

to see you, okay? Uh bye.

What?

You're a terrible man.

Sorry, I have to go.

Hi, it's Clara. You know what to do. Hi,

Clara. Yeah, Tom here. Just wanted to

see how you are.

I want to go dancing.

We can dance right here.

Okay.

So you want to go out dancing? Do you

never get bored just hanging around? You

want to go dancing? I want to go

dancing. Okay.

So let's go dancing. Good. Fine.

You know, Rosie, [music] you don't get a

medal for the amount of time you're

sticking with a fella. I know. I know. I

mean, every second you're unhappy is a

waste of time.

And that's a sin.

Oh god, look, let's get another drink.

Okay, now you're talking.

Hello, lovely ladies.

How would you like a little libation?

I'll go for a glass of champagne.

Won't you, Rosie?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll have two Kir Royales,

mister. A royal nectar for a royal

highness.

Christ, Helen, are we lumbered with him

all night? Come get your drink off.

Give me two Kir Royales for those two

wagons in the window. One of those two

wagons is my girlfriend.

Ah, well.

My condolences. You can buy her the

drink, though.

Hang on.

What's this?

Guess you'll just have to spend the

night with me with no men. Cheap beer.

Sorry about the phone. It must have got

cut off. What are you doing here? What

time do you finish? I can't. My

girlfriend is here. Here?

Where? Which one is she? She's over

there.

Lovely.

I wouldn't have thought you'd be the

dolly bird type.

Or the other one.

You know, you could do better. You want

to order something?

Yeah, I'll have a beer, thanks. What

time did you say you finish?

>> [singing]

>> Huh? How did it go? I don't understand.

I don't

I mean, you look great in gold. Hello,

Conzo. Oh, Conzo, how are you doing?

Conzo, this is Angie. Oh, hi, Angie.

Cool. Clara's told me a lot about you.

Oh, really? Yeah, she's some chick.

Right, um Conzo,

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but

we're kind of in the middle of

something, so do you mind leaving us

alone? Sure, babe. I get you. Lovely to

meet you. I'll see you again.

>> [music]

>> Who was that? Just a guy from college.

Told him a lot about me? No.

Oh.

He's just being obnoxious. Yeah, that's

a word, all right. Arrogant little

prick. I love this song. Dance with me.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Angie, where are you going? I'm leaving.

What? Can I come with you? You can do

what you like. Well, just give me my

stuff. What? You mean say good night to

him? No.

I'll be outside.

Hi.

It'll be a minute. My friend's just

coming. Oh, well, now it's a busy old

night.

Look, turn on the meter if you like.

She'll be right here. Well, she better

be, cuz if that one thing I really hate

is wait.

Hey.

Are you you the one off the telly?

Listen, why don't you guys go ahead?

I'll catch up with you. Ah, no. Should

we wait? It's only another 10 minutes.

Boss says I have to work late. But

you're closing. What does he want you to

do?

Just big clean up in in the in the

storeroom tonight.

Poor thing. Ah, look, I'm not that

pushed about going out anyway. I mean,

I don't mind waiting. Do you, Helen? No?

Should we get pissed easily here in the

bar now? Yeah, but this place is crap.

Helen, are you all right? Of course I'm

all right. You're just sweating. Fine,

I'm fine.

Time of the month? He's having a hot

flush.

It's okay.

Not tonight.

Well, how about Thursday night, then?

Yeah, okay.

See you later. Hello, Joe.

He's nice.

Are you coming to my place?

Am I allowed? If you want.

What's wrong, Angie? I don't enjoy being

made a fool of. What?

What do you mean? I mean your friend,

Conzo. Whatever. What about him?

Is there something going on between you

two? Not really.

Not really?

Christ. What?

I don't see what the problem is. You and

I didn't swear to be monogamous. That's

a separate issue. I don't enjoy being

humiliated.

You are jealous. Jesus, I haven't even

got to jealous yet. I'm still trying to

get to the basic truth.

Are you seeing him as well as me? Maybe.

Would you mind if I did?

Honestly, yes, I would. Why?

There's no competition.

>> Oh, I'm sure it's a very enlightened

idea, Clara, but my stomach just turns

at the thought of it. I'm only

expressing my bisexuality.

Do you really want to lock me into a

monogamous relationship?

>> want to lock you into anything. If

you're unfulfilled by being with me,

then you shouldn't be with me.

Then maybe I shouldn't be with you.

Is that what you want?

Angie,

I can't change the way I am.

I wouldn't want you to.

Angie,

I do love you.

I thought you said that word was

forbidden. Nothing is forbidden. That's

my point.

Okay, Clara.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Do you want to live, pal?

I've just been thinking that

Hi, Tom. What are you doing here?

No. Did a subtle little flirt. Take it

easy, Tom. He's twisted out of his head.

Just give her a little

>> What's wrong? But why him? Tom, if I

want to have a drink after class, it's

none of your business. Oh, oh, so that's

it. What we had meant nothing to you.

You are a cruel woman. [music] Come on,

Tom. Calm down. Hey, hey, HEY, CALM

DOWN.

JESUS, TOM.

OW.

OH MY GOD.

WAIT, HOLD ON HERE.

WHAT?

[ __ ] GOD.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, you cowards. Come on,

I'll take on the two of you. What are

you afraid? Come on, Tom. Come on. Come

on, you big girls blouse. Come on.

Some side bets. Yeah.

>> [music]

>> Angie, what's wrong?

It's Butch.

>> [laughter]

>> We'll get her right over.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you poor thing.

Do you want me to uh

No.

Just don't want Pam to be lonely.

She must be so upset. She'll be okay.

Look, [snorts]

tomorrow morning, we'll go to the pet

shop, yeah?

You were out tonight

with Clara.

And how's it going?

>> [laughter]

>> It's over.

Oh, why?

What happened?

She's seeing this stupid guy as well as

me.

She just said she's bisexual.

Or in everybody else.

Don't you start.

Well,

>> [music]

>> 10% of people are gay, 10% are straight,

and everybody else is bi. That's my

theory. Well, I'm sick of fairies.

>> [snorts]

>> Do you want some tequila?

Sure.

Hi, Clara. Yeah, it's Tom here.

Listen, just wanted to see if

I'm through with women.

Men aren't any easier. Women are so

complicated. Yeah, and men are so

simple.

Imagine two women having PMT at the same

time. Imagine two men who were equally

selfish.

Women are so sensitive.

You know, and every day it's something

different. Right when you think you've

got a handle on it, something else

happens and you're right back to square

one.

At least it's better than being with

someone who's incapable of showing their

feelings [music] and who just cares only

about themselves.

>> women have so many feelings, you know,

and all they want to do is express them.

And the only feelings men express are

hunger and lust.

I'd love that. I'd love your problems.

To men. To women.

I don't know what the [ __ ] to do, love.

Love her.

They're all

It's definitely not true.

Oh, Red,

>> [sighs]

>> why can't I just be attracted to you?

It would be so much easier.

You're my best friend.

You understand me.

And you're gorgeous looking. Well,

if I were to be attracted to any woman,

I'd be attracted to you.

Rosie.

Who did you think it was, David? You,

Rosie. You.

>> [snorts]

[sighs]

>> Mind if I join you?

Oh, you must be on your own.

Yeah, I am. Why? Cuz if you were with

your fancy lesbian lover, you wouldn't

be speaking to me. Hanzo, that's not

true.

>> It is true.

I thought you were cool.

>> I am cool.

I'm cool about you and whatever you want

to do in bed, but I'm not cool about

being treated like [ __ ] I'm out of

here.

You want to see me.

Lucy,

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed

your essay on Shelley's lovers death

metaphor. Thanks.

Are you walking out? Yeah, I'm meeting

somebody. Right.

Would you like to get a cup of coffee

sometime?

Are you propositioning me? No. No, of

course not.

>> Cuz if you are, I just want to say I

think you're a really nice guy, but

well, I don't really go for older men.

Sorry.

No. No, no. I I just wanted to say how

much I enjoyed your essay.

Thanks.

Nice.

Right.

There you go. Aw,

you really have saved my day.

>> It's in my nature.

You know, you're more than welcome to

join us if you want. Oh, thanks. The

idea of dining with six lesbians is

tantalizing, but uh

Who's coming anyway? Oh, there's

Felicity and Sophie. Oh, I thought they

split up. Oh, they have, but you know,

they're still friends.

Of course, they are. And uh Felicity's

bringing her new girlfriend, Janine, who

actually used to be Sophie's girlfriend

before she met Felicity. Oh. I know,

it's very intricate. Oh, and there's

Emma and Jan. Are they still together?

Oh, still breaking up.

>> [snorts]

>> Of course. Emma and Felicity were lovers

years and years ago.

>> Oh, so is there going to be anyone at

the table who isn't somebody's ex? Oh,

well, uh Janine's bringing her friend,

Kate, who I haven't met before.

Of course, she's Karen Reynolds' ex.

>> Well, if Kate was Karen's ex and Karen

is Suzanne's ex, then uh Kate must be

your ex's ex's ex. So, you two have got

to sleep together, you know, complete

the circle. Oh, no, no, no. I am through

with love.

I'm going to buy myself a puppy, settle

down as a happy single person,

and quit wasting my time kissing a bunch

of frogs. That is a good plan. Listen,

have a good time.

What are you up to tonight?

I'm meeting Prince Charming.

Ooh.

Take care, Katie. See you later. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Hey, next time don't invite fellas.

Yeah, good night.

Some more wine?

Why not?

Thank you.

So much.

>> [music]

[music]

[singing]

[music]

[singing]

[music]

[singing]

[music]

>> I'm sorry, Rosie. Okay, look.

I just want to die. You deserve far

worse than that, David.

>> Please. Please, just try and understand.

I've been in hell, Rosie. Oh no, David.

No. I'm sorry, but this is not the time

to be looking for sympathy. You can You

can look for that from your

boyfriend.

I'll keep the flat. You move out.

Okay, if that's what you want.

If that's what I want? Like

any of this is what I wanted?

Like what I WANTED WAS TO BE dumped for

a man?

>> Rosie, that's not what's happening. I

want you gone by the time I get home. I

don't have anywhere to go.

Frankly, David,

I don't give a [ __ ]

Oh, hi.

Isolde.

>> [music]

>> Hi. Uh Clara. Clara.

How you doing? I'm

I'm grand.

And yourself? Good, thanks.

Well,

see you around. Okay, bye.

Hey, Ruth.

Hey. How's it going?

Good.

Where are you going on holidays?

Nowhere.

I told Rosie about us. She kicked me

out. Oh, [ __ ]

Listen, I was just wondering do you

think I could

may- maybe leave my stuff with you for a

little while while I go and look at a

flat? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no problem. Look,

come on in.

Look, you can leave it in here.

Just throw it in the corner there.

Are you all right? Do you want a drink,

cup of tea or

>> look, I'll I'll just head off.

Shouldn't take long. All right.

Listen,

thanks, all right. Yeah, it's okay.

Look, I forgot.

Why don't you stay here tonight? I

can't, I have to go. Yeah, look,

it's your day off.

It's a nice cozy warm bed down there.

And the three-day-old Indian in the

fridge.

All right, well, in that case, Yeah.

Come on.

Okay, but

just for tonight, all right? Ah, [ __ ]

it. It's only one night.

All these romantics go on about his

love, love, love. Well, you know what?

They were lucky. They all died young in

poetically tragic circumstances, of

course. They had it easy. They didn't

have to suffer through the [ __ ] like the

rest of us. Life is great when you're

dead by 30.

>> [sighs]

>> What would you all know?

So, you've been working here for 4

years? Five now, actually. Almost. Look

at the baby, Helen. Mommy.

Isn't she gorgeous? Yeah.

Do you ever want to have kids?

Yeah.

I do. One day.

What about you?

I would. Yeah.

Is that his real name?

It is. Yeah.

>> [laughter]

>> You didn't think I was going to let this

pass without a celebration, did you?

Thanks.

I needed this.

Perfect.

You're welcome to enjoy the labor pains.

Great.

And you can do the night feeds.

What pleasure.

Hi again, Isolde.

Hi.

Clara. Yeah.

Um

>> [panting]

>> I'm very sorry, but uh

how do you know each other? Well, you

know Tom Lawless?

He was cheating on me with you.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry. No, please. I'm

sorry for you.

>> I'm sorry for both of us.

You're not seeing him anymore, then?

What? Jesus, I was never seeing him, I

mean.

It was a mistaken fling that he took too

seriously. God.

Right.

I mean, no offense. You're not offending

me. Did [snorts] he pull the real cash

spiel on you? Oh, yeah.

Did he do the goldfish speech on you?

Yes.

>> [screaming]

[laughter]

>> Crazy.

Are you all right?

You know, the only person who care if I

did myself in right now would be my

mother.

And she'd only be troubled by the

inconvenience. That's not true.

You don't know my mother.

No.

I would care.

Thanks.

That's very kind of you to say so.

Thank you for saving my life.

It wasn't high enough to kill you,

anyway. I might have fractured my wrist.

Or scraped my knee.

Excuse me.

Could you get your man over there

whatever he's having?

Thanks.

Oh, Helen, what are you at now?

>> Just having a bit of fun.

You both know the only cure for

heartache is a good ride.

Sir, if you have another drink coming,

it's coming from those two ladies right

over there.

He's all right.

Not really my type. But, Rosie, your

type is at this [music] moment having

sex with a man. I'm trying to expand

your range here.

Oh, [ __ ] she's coming over.

Hi, sorry. Um I don't mean to intrude. I

just wanted to thank you for the drink.

You're welcome. Would you like to join

us? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll uh

I'll just get my drink.

I'm an English Lit major.

Oh my god.

You speak German?

A bit.

Read some more.

Please.

Rilke. I mean, you could at least choose

Schiller.

I can't believe you speak German.

What's this?

What?

Tom Lawless, that's you.

>> Oh no, give that to me.

No, I'd really like to see

>> No, please just give it to me.

>> the least you can do after I saved your

life.

Look, I was a kid when I wrote that. I

didn't know what I was doing.

That's really nice, Tom. There's great

potential here. What happened?

What do you mean?

Do you still write? No.

No, not poetry.

The odd academic article, just to keep

my job.

But why not?

Well, you know, there's work and

everything.

All right.

I'm lazy.

I'm a lazy

good-for-nothing cowardly philandering

husband, bad poet. All right, so now

that you know, you can be on your way.

Go on.

I'm still drinking my Coke.

So, do you have a boyfriend? Not at the

moment. Girlfriend?

No.

Sorry.

I just didn't want to assume you were

straight or anything.

Ever been with a woman?

No. [music]

I've nothing against the idea. It's

just, you know.

I can't see how you can, really.

I don't know.

I'm into, you know,

sex.

Me, too.

>> [music]

[singing]

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> Can we do that again? All right.

Thanks for seeing me home.

I'm sorry if Helen put you on the spot.

No, she was, um,

fun.

I should go.

Can I walk you to your door?

If you like.

I'll be back in a minute. I know when

the wife don't like tight and mean

whipping a man. Go make it what you

want. Just make it quick.

I I'm, uh,

really

glad to have met you.

You, too.

I mean I mean me, too.

I don't know what to say in these

situations.

Like me, too, and you, too. You know

what I mean?

Like if I say me, too, then does it mean

I'm really glad to have met me? Or if I

say you, too, then does it mean that

Yeah, I'm a busy man.

I suppose I should go.

Well, you can come in if you like.

I'd like that very much.

Me, too.

Rene, Rene, Rene.

Cafe.

Relais.

Bidet.

If we did have our baby,

who would be the father? Ooh, the killer

detail. I don't know.

What do you think?

What about Red? No.

You two are so close, it'd be weird.

What about your brothers?

One of them is 12.

The other's married to a battle-axe.

What about an anonymous donor? What if

you get an axe murderer? No, no, no, you

can choose. They have like menus on the

internet.

>> What kind of weirdos donate their sperm?

I don't know.

Egomaniacs, I suppose.

>> Oh, I'd rather go off to Greece and find

some strapping young Adonis than just

play Russian roulette.

Yeah, but you wouldn't know what weird

genetic defects he might be carrying

with him.

Plus, wouldn't you have to have sex with

him?

I just wish I could get pregnant by you.

Me, too.

You know, goldfish have only a 3-second

memory.

Oh, really?

And [music] how did they test the memory

of a goldfish?

I don't know.

Flashcards?

It's an urban myth.

Well,

but don't you think humans in love are

like that? You know, we fall in love and

we forget all the pain and everything.

How long was your last relationship?

About 3 months.

And before that?

I don't know, maybe, um,

about the same. Before that?

Look, I don't see what this is.

>> Give or take, yeah.

Maybe you're just a goldfish, Tom.

Okay.

There it is.

Private fertility and what we do, donor

search. Right. Good.

Oh, look. Here we go.

>> [sighs]

>> Okay.

Here's Brad.

24, likes surfing and snowboarding. And

has like totally no brains at all.

Felipe. 26 is a male model studying to

be a neurosurgeon.

>> [laughter]

>> This is like blind date.

Felipe, what do you like to do on cold

winter evenings? Ooh, Bill from Tucson,

Arizona won the Mr. American Western

semi-finals.

Wow.

What if we had a black baby?

What about me?

Sorry?

I mean,

if you're that desperate for sperm,

what's wrong with me? I've got decent

genes.

Apart from Auntie Edna. No, thank you.

But thanks, anyway. Ooh, meet Ricky, a

Hawaiian ichthyologist.

Now, don't be surprised if Mommy asks

about kids. She's got visions of 17

grandchildren dancing around her feet.

That's fine by me. I've always fancied

having loads of kids, haven't you?

Well,

I don't know. I mean,

well, I have to deal with kids all day

in the nursery and

I think one would be as much as I'd want

to handle at home.

Oh, really?

Well, yeah.

That's We don't

We can just play it by ear, then.

Exactly. It's not like we have to decide

right this second. Exactly.

Oh, by the way, let on you're a

Catholic.

>> Okay.

What?

Mommy. You're late.

So, what did you do last night?

I went out with Shane.

Oh.

So, what did you do?

Just had a few drinks.

Did you sleep

I thought we had an open relationship.

Just asking.

Yes, I did.

I knew it.

He's had his I knew since the moment he

met you. He's only been waiting for a

chance to drag you into bed.

>> WELL, I WASN'T EXACTLY DRAGGED. OH, how

could you sleep with him?

>> I didn't ask you who you would sleep

with, that conzo creep.

Jesus, Clara.

>> [gasps]

>> You said you were cool about it.

>> cool about it.

Where are you going?

>> Come in when you grow up.

>> [snorts]

>> I thought I did well with the whole

Catholic thing, didn't you?

You were great.

I mean, there is a difference between

communion and confirmation, but you'll

learn all about that when you convert.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

If we're to be married in a church,

you'll have to convert.

No.

No, I'm sorry. I mean,

taking it to your parents is one thing.

I'm not seriously going to convert.

It'll break Mommy's heart. I'm not

marrying Mommy.

What's sports or something?

I'm sure.

Do you know what day this is? No.

It's our 3-month anniversary.

Wow,

that's very sweet of you to notice.

I'm a very sweet guy.

Baby.

>> [music]

>> Best of three.

Best of nine.

Oh, god.

I had to tell you in person.

Has someone died?

You're never going to believe this.

You've won the lottery.

I'm pregnant.

>> [laughter]

>> Congratulations.

That's wonderful. I still can't get my

head round it. It's a miracle.

We should celebrate.

What did you

Did you and Kate do the old turkey

baster thing?

I know it's a bit kinky, but if you're

into kitchen you can

>> Kate doesn't even know yet.

Sorry?

And I'm so scared that she's going to

leave me when she finds out.

What?

Sorry, no. I'm completely confused. Who

did you

What?

You haven't gone straight, have you?

Red.

Remember?

Remember what?

Angie.

Angie.

You mean

Oh, mother of god.

You're going to be a mum.

No, I'm not.

Are you absolutely sure? Sure.

13 pregnancy tests.

I think so. But how could that happen?

We used a condom.

One very determined little sperm.

Oh.

What are you going to do? I don't know.

I have to talk to Kate about it.

Uh

Look

I don't think I'd be the greatest dad in

the world.

>> just about you, you know.

>> No, I know. I know.

It's just

I'm sorry. I

I'm a little shocked. So am I.

Do you want a drink? Yes, please. And

not tequila.

You won't have one?

No.

Not in my condition.

Look at me, Dad.

Great pass, honey.

>> [music]

[music]

>> And I see you have your mom's hair.

And your mom's big feet.

>> [singing and music]

[music]

[singing]

[singing]

[music]

[singing]

>> I love you, Dad.

>> [music]

[singing]

>> Go away.

Perfect.

I'd call the guards on you. I'm serious

now. I am a politician's wife and have

some power. No, I'm a dad.

God help us all. Yes.

God help us all.

Jesus, David, this is stupid. Look, if I

wanted a wife and kids, I could have

just stayed with Rosie. You said you

were gay. Well, you said you weren't.

>> Well, I'm not. Well, I am.

I have to go.

Can we not talk about it? I'll call you.

>> [music]

>> I am

I wrote you a poem.

Read.

I mean, it's it's really bad, but uh

would you like to see it?

You read it.

Simply to love you shall suffice today.

So, let us leave the gift of its return

until some later hand has shaped my clay

over and over

fitter for your name.

And if that secret hand should never

learn a new perfection on the endless

wheel

ever my love must strengthen in the

flame and make me true upon a rack of

steel.

I shall not weary if you dare to say

ages of life as swiftly shall be gone as

tumbling sands within the living glass.

Oh, promised you, how could I curse the

way or from the shadows to the shadows

pass

and not feel nearer sudden shafts of

dawn?

Mhm. Smell this.

The pulverized criminal was pedaling.

Placenta.

Listen, Rosie, on the 15th of next month

I have to go to Galway for a conference

and um

I thought I might go out to Connemara

for 3 days.

What?

Why? That's only 4 days before the

wedding.

There's so much to do.

>> No, I know. I know. I I just

think I need to be by myself just for a

little while, you know,

contemplating.

Contemplating? What are you turning into

some kind of monk?

No. No. No. No.

I just need to sort my head out.

You know, the druids, they used to go

into the temple for for 3 days and

nights

by themselves um to get inspiration.

Druids. Now you're a druid.

I'm not

a druid. I

just really think I need to do this.

And I thought 3 days had a sort of

power about it, like Christ in the tomb.

Oh, so now you're Christ resurrected. If

you can't understand it, this is stupid.

>> you understand that I need a bit of help

in the run up? It's a major event, you

know. It's It takes a huge amount of

planning and and and organization.

>> Well, I know. I thought maybe one of

your 13 bridesmaids might help you

there.

>> Typical man. Just leave all the hard

work to the women.

Just the way it's going to be for the

rest of our lives.

No.

It gets worse.

Have you ever thought about getting

married?

Was that a proposal?

No.

Oh, god, no. No, I was I was just

wondering, you know.

Theoretically.

I mean, I don't know. It's um

Sorry. I was

I was just thinking out loud, I think.

Sorry.

>> [snorts]

>> I got a job offer today.

Really? From where?

Boston University.

Boston, America? Yes.

Wow.

What did you say?

I told them I'd think about it.

Are you going to take it?

It depends.

Ah.

I have to let them know as soon as

possible.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, congratulations. Are they offering

tenure?

Tom. Uh-huh.

Am I wasting my time completely?

How do you mean?

Forget it.

You've just answered my question.

No, what are you talking about? Just

forget it. What? I'm not 22 anymore. I

don't care. I do.

I don't get it.

I know.

I think I love you.

I think I love you, too.

>> You have no messages.

You sad bastard.

Surely you can understand the people's

shock at the idea of a lesbian couple

raising a child. I'm well aware of their

prejudices. But let me share with you an

article from last week's paper. I quote,

"Lesbians make better parents because

they are better at dividing up household

tasks,

spending more time with their children,

and organizing alternative methods of

work whereby each can spend more time at

home."

Yes, but every child needs a father. My

child has a father. What? Did you think

it was the virgin birth?

Thanks for meeting up with me, Hazel.

I just wanted to say that I am really,

really sorry about that stupid incident

at the gallery.

>> You don't have to apologize. I wanted to

see you.

Yeah?

Really?

Cool. I mean, good because

well,

I just wanted to say that

well, if you could ever bring yourself

to seeing me again, like I would be

totally cool about the way you wanted to

play this. Lara,

I really like you.

I really like you, too.

Look,

um

do you want to be my girlfriend for the

next week, exclusive like, and then we

can renew or or not

um next week?

No pressure.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That'd be great. Good.

Good.

Check this out. Look at the suspension

IN THIS BABY.

ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. AN AMAZING DRIVE,

BUT

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

>> UM THIS IS THE Atlantis here. It's red.

It's here. Stand over there, please.

It has a car seat included, lockable

front swivel wheels, a removable

washable seat pad, weather shield, and a

handy parent tray. What's that for?

Cocktails?

It also has a comfortable two-position

lie-flat seat.

>> Genius. Let's get it in silver. I prefer

black.

But silver is much nicer.

I found the right model, so I get to

choose the color. That's not fair. Yes,

it is. It isn't.

>> Yes, it is.

>> It is not.

>> We also have an aqua one here.

We'll take it.

>> it.

We are pleased to inform you that we

would like to

publish one of your poems.

Hi, this is Renee. Sorry, I can't get to

the phone. If you leave a message, I'll

give you a call back. Thanks.

It has a car seat included, uh lockable

front swivel wheels, a removable and

washable seat pad, a weather shield, and

oh look, a handy little tray for your

martinis.

That's great, Red.

Thank you.

Look, it's the least a proud daddy can

do.

>> [cheering]

>> Are you happy to be getting married?

I suppose. Are you?

Yeah.

You don't sound too sure.

Well, it's just can you imagine never

making love with anybody else in your

life

ever

again?

>> [cheering]

[laughter]

>> Is this the right woman, the right time?

Give me a sign.

Any kind of sign.

An air miss.

Dear Larry,

this is the hardest thing I've ever had

to do.

But neither of us wants to make each

other unhappy.

Neither of us wants to live a lie.

If I can even be attracted to another

man, then I'm sure you'll agree I'm not

ready for marriage.

I'm so sorry to be telling you this way,

but

well, maybe it's for the best.

I will always love you.

Rosie.

I don't know what the right thing to do

is, Rosie. I I I

I do love you. It's It's just I I

I don't think I can go through with it.

So [ __ ]

Hi, Tom. It's me. I'm going to meet the

man from Boston University today, and

it's um pretty obvious what my answer

will have to be.

I'm sorry [music] that it ends up I have

to say goodbye on an answering machine,

but

maybe it's better this way.

Jeez, man. Have you never heard of a

hang up? Where is she?

Are you her dad? What? Are you her dad?

Cuz if you are, she's not here.

>> Who? Who are you looking for? Renee, the

woman who lives next door. Where is she?

Redhead.

Kind of cuteness, Scarlett O'Hara kind

Yeah. No idea. She's not at home.

You're very welcome.

Jesus, I thought it was your dad.

For God's sake, come on. What's up? Ah,

you're a man of principle. That won't

move.

He's totally up.

How much? Ah, you're all right. I don't

want to play speed chase. Thanks.

Listen, if you'd like to wait, we should

be right back. Wait.

Wait. I HEY, WAIT. NOT HANGING AROUND

HERE.

RENEE!

RENEE!

RENEE!

HEY, YOU. WHERE DID SHE GO?

BACK HERE NOW.

COME BACK.

RENEE!

RENEE!

WATCH IT NOW.

>> [screaming]

>> OW.

YES!

[screaming]

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, GOD. THANK YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. HE SHOOTS. HE MISSES.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU,

GOD.

>> [cheering and applause]

>> A STICK, A STONE, it's the end of the

world.

It's the rest of this song.

It's a little bit

Oh, she's gorgeous.

Hey.

It is

What's her name? Matilda.

Oh. Matilda.

Lovely.

Good luck. Thanks a lot.

You'd make a lovely mother.

Thanks, guys. She'll look great in that.

No problem. Well, it looks like

motherhood really suits you both. Oh,

really? We're loving it.

In fact,

that's what we wanted to talk to you

about.

Oh? Yeah.

We were wondering,

Kit,

well,

I

>> [clears throat]

>> you know, I have always wanted to have

a child. Yes.

We want to

That is I

want to Go on. It's okay. Don't be

nervous.

You see, we uh

we were

We were wondering, David, if you would

like to have a baby.

Sorry. Sorry.

>> Thanks, David.

What about you? Me?

I was jilted. No. Yeah. Runaway bride.

She took off with some rugger bugger on

our honeymoon tickets to Rio. That must

have been devastating.

To be honest, I was having one or two

doubts of my own.

I got over it.

You know, goldfish have only [snorts] a

3-second memory.

A stick, a stone, it's the end of the

road. [music] It's the rest of the

storm. It's a little [singing] alone.

It's a sliver of glass. [music] It is

life, it's the sun. It is night, it is

death. It's a trap, it's a gun. The oak

when it blooms, a fox on the brush. The

knot in the wood, the song of the

thrush. The word of the [singing] wind,

a cliff, a fall, a scratch, a lump. It

is nothing [music] at all. It's the wind

blowing free. [singing] It's the end of

the slope. It's a beam, it's a [music]

void, it's a hunch, it's a hope. And the

riverbank talks [singing] of the waters

of March. It's the end of the strain.

It's the joy in your heart.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> A mile, a mast, a truss, a bone. It's a

girl, it's [singing] a rhyme, it's a

cold, it's the months. The plan of the

house, the body in bed, and the car

[music] that got stuck. It's the mud,

it's the mud. Afloat, adrift, a flight,

a wing. [music] A hawk, a quail. The

promise of spring, and the riverbank

talks of the waters [music] of March.

It's the promise of life, it's the joy

in your heart.

>> [music]

[music]

>> A truckload of bricks. Sing the soft

[music] morning light. The shadow of a

gun in the dead of the night. A mile, a

mast, a truss, [music] a bone. It's a

girl, it's a rhyme, it's a cold, it's

the months. The plan of the house, the

body in bed, and the car that got stuck.

It's the mud, it's the mud. Afloat,

[music] adrift, a flight, a wing. A

hawk, a quail. The promise of spring,

and the riverbank [singing] talks of the

waters of March. It's [music] the

promise of life, it's the joy in your

heart. A stick, a stone, it's the end of

the road. It's the rest of the storm.

>> [music]

>> It's a little alone. It's a sliver of

glass. It [singing] is life, it's the

sun. It is night, it is death. It's a

trap, it's a gun. The oak when it

blooms, [singing]

a fox on the brush. The knot in the

wood, the song of the thrush. The word

of the wind, a cliff, a fall, a scratch,

a lump. [music] It is nothing at all.

It's the wind blowing free. It's the end

of the slope. It's a beam, it's a void,

[music] it's a hunch,

it's a hope. And the riverbank talks of

the waters of March. It's the end of the

strain. It's the joy in your

[music and singing] heart.