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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,220
[ Man ]
Look, it's falling down!
2
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:07,390
- [ All Screaming ]
- [ Man ] Hurry!
3
00:00:11,695 --> 00:00:15,598
Sorry to crash the party,
but Cassandra's coming with me.
4
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,786
[ Cassandra Struggling ]
5
00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,673
Party's over.
6
00:00:26,176 --> 00:00:30,697
[ Woman ]
Quickly! Quickly!
Come with me!
7
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,285
Hercules!
8
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:38,254
[ Woman ]
Hurry!
9
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,298
[ Yelling ]
10
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,283
[ Gasps ]
11
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,287
Oh, no, I'm blind!
12
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,290
I swear from now on
I'llsingin the shower instead.
13
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,561
[ Phone Ringing ]
I'll--
14
00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:10,053
Who is this,
and why are you
calling me at...
15
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,323
6:02 a.m.?
16
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,142
Rob. Rob,
it's me, Eric.
17
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,630
Oh, thank goodness
you're not dead.
What was your first clue?
18
00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:22,632
Well, we heard you had
an earthquake last night.
19
00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:25,135
It was all over the news here.
Didn't you feel it?
20
00:01:25,135 --> 00:01:28,088
Eric, I'm a producer.
I don't feel anything.
21
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,490
Glad to hear it, 'cause,
Rob, apart from the fact
that it's still raining,
22
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,492
I got some bad news.
23
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,444
[ Gibberish ]
24
00:01:34,444 --> 00:01:36,446
What?
25
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,850
[ Grunting ]
26
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,624
[ Phone Ringing ]
27
00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:54,130
This'd better be good.
[ Man On Phone, Indistinct ]
28
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:56,132
Oh, Rob, I was just
thinking about you.
29
00:01:56,132 --> 00:01:58,434
[ Rob On Phone Continues,
Indistinct ]
30
00:01:58,434 --> 00:02:00,937
No, my weekends
wouldn't be complete...
31
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,939
without a little taste
of Tapert.
32
00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:06,826
[ Rob On Phone, Indistinct ]
What?
33
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,636
[ Man Chuckles ]
[ Grunts ]
34
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:22,125
[ Yells ]
Get me down! Get me down!
35
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,518
Where'd he go?
Shut up!
36
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,488
Howdy.
37
00:02:40,643 --> 00:02:43,029
[ Gunshot ]
38
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,817
Hey, boys.
39
00:02:47,817 --> 00:02:51,287
[ Grunts ]
You can't use traps
in paintball.
40
00:02:51,287 --> 00:02:53,173
Paintball ain't just
a game, soldier.
41
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,425
It's a metaphor for life.
42
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,094
It's survival of the fittest.
Search and destroy.
43
00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,879
Kill or be killed.
44
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:02,749
These are a few
of my favorite things.
[ Phone Rings ]
45
00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:08,671
Able Baker Charlie
Niner Niner.
46
00:03:08,671 --> 00:03:10,540
Identify yourself, c'mon.
47
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:13,443
[ Woman On Phone, Indistinct ]
Liz. You on
a secure line?
48
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,446
[ Indistinct ]
Uh-huh.
49
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,831
I'll be right there.
50
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:22,068
[ Elvis Presley ]
dd Viva Las Vegas dd
51
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:25,305
dd Viva Las Vegas dd
52
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:28,408
dddd [ Continues ]
[ Man ] Snake eyes.
Better luck next time.
53
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,643
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Mr. Bond,
your baccarat table is ready.
54
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,645
Mr. Bond,
your baccarat table is ready.
55
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,914
Where's lady luck
when I need her?
56
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,916
dddd [ Continues ]
57
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:40,320
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Mr. De Niro?
Call for you, Mr. Coyle.
58
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,322
Oh, there you are.
59
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,325
Say, I've forgotten
my phone number.
Can I use yours?
60
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:47,827
Drop dead, you geek!
61
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,246
dd It cost me
my very last dime dddd
62
00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:53,249
[ Woman On Phone, Indistinct ]
Vinny, I told you please
don't call me here.
63
00:03:53,249 --> 00:03:55,251
I'll have the money
for you by next week.
64
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:57,754
I'm sorry. I just can't
get it together.
[ Yelling On Phone, Indistinct ]
65
00:03:57,754 --> 00:04:00,256
Oh, Liz, hi.
How are ya?
66
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,759
[ Indistinct ]
The office? Now?
67
00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:05,261
Wait a minute.
I got a better idea.
68
00:04:05,762 --> 00:04:07,263
Why don't you come over
to my place?
69
00:04:07,764 --> 00:04:10,266
I got a new water bed.
We could play submarine.
70
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:13,136
[ Dial Tone ]
Hello?
71
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:24,047
For the last time, Jerry,
nobody's bugging the office.
72
00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:28,017
Thatis exactly what
they want you to think.
73
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:32,488
You know who loses
with these weekend meetings,
people? Me.
74
00:04:32,488 --> 00:04:34,490
But you called
the meeting, Rob.
75
00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:37,994
Don't change the subject.
All right, let's get started.
76
00:04:39,762 --> 00:04:42,265
Wait a second.
Who's missing?
77
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:46,319
[ Intercom Beeps ]
Melissa, is this thing
working? Hello.
78
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:50,690
Rob, how nice
to hear from you.
Coffee? Tea? Prozac?
79
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,092
[ Dial Tone ]
80
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,461
Where the hell
are Alex and Bob?
I'll find out.
81
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,331
You know that's what I love
about you, you're always--
[ Disconnects ]
82
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:01,150
beha--
83
00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:03,619
[ Intercom Beeps ]
84
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,123
[ Thud ]
[ Groaning, Whimpering ]
85
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:13,129
Hello.
Rise and shine, losers.
86
00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:15,631
Oh, Melissa, hello.
87
00:05:15,631 --> 00:05:17,633
Everyone's waiting for you
in the conference room.
88
00:05:17,633 --> 00:05:19,635
Wha-- They need our help?
89
00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,637
Okay, okay.
We'll be right there.
90
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:29,028
Bob, wake up!
Wake up!
91
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,149
Now's the time
to show our stuff.
92
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,902
[ Monkey Squawks ]
[ Yells ]
93
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:43,459
[ Clears Throat ]
Hi, everybody.
94
00:05:43,459 --> 00:05:45,378
[ Whispers, Indistinct ]
95
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,747
Bob says "Hi" too.
[ Yawns ]
96
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,900
When are you two losers
gonna get your own apartment?
97
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:53,302
Hey, this is our first job
in Hollywood.
98
00:05:53,302 --> 00:05:56,806
We want you all to know
we're here for you
24 hours a day.
99
00:05:56,806 --> 00:06:01,177
- Is that a good thing?
- Well, you know, I was
just telling Bob that--
100
00:06:01,177 --> 00:06:04,097
- Cut it out.
- Shut up, the both of you,
and sit down.
101
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,899
Now, I have a fishing trip
planned today. The sooner
we get this over with,
102
00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:09,285
the sooner I can leave.
103
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:12,922
Now then,
we got a problem, people,
and it's not pretty.
104
00:06:12,922 --> 00:06:15,775
Our bread and butter,
the big cheese,
105
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,945
the top banana
has vamoosed.
106
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,468
Oh, for cryin'
out loud, people,
107
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:28,354
Kevin Sorbo has disappeared.
108
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:38,064
[ Man Narrating ]
This is the story
of a time long ago,
109
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,333
a time of myth and legend,
110
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,369
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,
111
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:45,972
and they plagued mankind
with suffering.
112
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:49,709
Only one man dared
to challenge their power--
113
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:52,078
Hercules.
114
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:56,048
Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,
115
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,618
a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.
116
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:02,221
He journeyed the earth,
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
117
00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:05,324
the all-powerful
queen of the gods.
118
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,343
But wherever
there was evil,
119
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:10,830
wherever an innocent
would suffer,
120
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,999
there would be... Hercules.
121
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,034
- [ Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]
122
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:30,933
Hail!
123
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,424
[ Shuddering ]
What do you mean
Kevin Sorbo's gone missing?
124
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,927
No star, no show.
No show, no paycheck.
125
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,429
No paycheck,
no kneecaps.
I got debts!
126
00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:46,682
Well, he was supposed to arrive
in New Zealand this morning,
but he didn't show.
127
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,269
I propose we send
a recon team, Tapert.
128
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:55,358
Back in Korea, we had a saying:
You never leave a man behind.
129
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:57,243
When were you in Korea?
130
00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:00,496
I was there
for the Olympics, missy!
131
00:08:00,496 --> 00:08:02,131
It was hell.
132
00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:06,536
Melissa, it's Rob.
I told you
not to call me here.
133
00:08:06,536 --> 00:08:08,538
Send Davey in here
on the double.
134
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:12,825
You wanted me, boss?
[ Glass Breaks ]
135
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,998
Davey, I'm gonna give you
one last chance to prove
you're not a moron.
136
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,885
Gee, thanks.
I don't care if you have to go
around the world, young fella,
137
00:08:22,885 --> 00:08:26,689
I want you to find Sorbo
and find him quick,
you understand?
138
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:30,243
Melissa,
book him on the Concorde,
but make sure he flies coach.
139
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,496
- Davey, don't screw this up.
- Count on me, boss.
140
00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:35,998
I won't let you down.
[ Grunts ]
141
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,286
He's a dope fiend.
I know it.
142
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,638
And what if
he doesn't find him?
143
00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:45,007
Then I'm gonna be
hobbling all the way to
the unemployment office.
144
00:08:45,007 --> 00:08:48,678
Not necessarily.
[ Spits ]
145
00:08:48,678 --> 00:08:50,963
When the going gets tough,
146
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:53,065
the tough get goin'.
147
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:54,750
- [ Yells ]
- [ All Gasp ]
148
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:57,537
Now, a good soldier always
carries an extra pair of socks,
149
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,090
a can opener,
a cap of cyanide.
150
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:02,875
But a great soldier--
That's right.
151
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,762
A great soldier
never gives in,
no matter what the odds.
152
00:09:06,762 --> 00:09:09,265
Is he insane,
or am I crazy?
153
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:11,918
Which question would you
like me to answer first?
154
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,737
I suggest we base this story
around another character.
155
00:09:14,737 --> 00:09:16,622
Like who?
156
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:22,078
Like Ares--
God o' War.
157
00:09:25,681 --> 00:09:29,652
Why, I remember the time
Ares framed Hercules
for murdering his wife.
158
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:40,096
The plan was so simple.
It verged on genius.
159
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:42,765
[ Laughs ]
160
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:45,735
There he goes!
161
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:47,603
Gotta hand it
to you, Strife.
162
00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:50,840
This has worked out better
than I could ever have imagined.
163
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,559
- It's been fun.
- [ Twang ]
164
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,561
[ Humming ]
And when all else fails,
165
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,898
the God of War is one lean,
mean, fightin' machine.
166
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,362
[ Laughs ]
Jerry, great idea.
167
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:33,699
All right, everybody.
Get to work.
I'm going fishing.
168
00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:37,069
Hey, you are not actually
going to listen to that
psychopath, are you?
169
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,021
- No offense.
- None taken.
170
00:10:40,923 --> 00:10:43,426
All right, Liz, spit it out.
The fish are jumpin'.
171
00:10:43,426 --> 00:10:46,862
Well, why not do a show
about a woman we can all
look up to?
172
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:50,866
You know, a woman of the '90s.
A woman who takes matters
into her own hands.
173
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,202
Oh, wake up, Liz.
We can't afford
Margaret Thatcher.
174
00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:56,589
No, I'm talking about...
175
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,091
Callisto.
176
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,062
[ Liz ]
When it comes to making
Hercules suffer,
177
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,848
well, Ares isn't even
a close second to Callisto.
178
00:11:05,848 --> 00:11:10,219
And remember that time
she poisoned Herc's family?
179
00:11:10,219 --> 00:11:12,221
Surprise.
180
00:11:12,221 --> 00:11:17,626
You've never witnessed
the effects of Xanthalian venom
before, have you?
181
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:20,563
- It affects the mind.
- What do you want?
182
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:24,533
Safe passage through
the Labyrinths of the Gods
to the Tree of Life.
183
00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:31,040
One bite of the fruit
cures any illness.
184
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,859
- And a whole one
makes you immortal.
- [ Kiaiing ]
185
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,078
[ Liz ]
And when it comes
to trading blows,
186
00:11:36,078 --> 00:11:38,264
Callisto does it
with a smile.
187
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,088
Oh, you're gonna die
on your birthday.
188
00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:48,040
How convenient.
189
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:57,850
[ Laughing ]
190
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:01,036
No!
191
00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:03,472
Blow it out
and make a wish.
[ Kiaiing ]
192
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,258
Hey, great idea, Liz.
193
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:08,627
All right,
get to work everybody.
I'm goin' fishin'.
194
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:11,497
Oh, hey, wait.
Uh, excuse me.
195
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:12,998
What? What?
196
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:17,203
Um, aren't Ares
and Callisto both bad guys?
197
00:12:18,187 --> 00:12:21,107
Brilliant. So?
198
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,109
[ Whispering,
Indistinct ]
199
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,112
Okay, well, um,
don't they need a good guy
to fight with?
200
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:29,465
I mean, without Hercules,
they won't have anything to do.
201
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,227
[ Chuckles ]
202
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,095
Dumb blonde!
Hey!
203
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:48,284
You know,
I-I hate to admit it,
but they got a point.
204
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:54,840
You know, I am really getting
tired of people telling me
what I can't do.
205
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,576
Can someone please tell me
what Icando?
206
00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:00,112
- [ Whispers, Indistinct ]
- What now?
207
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,064
Uh, Bob has to go
to the bathroom.
208
00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:06,552
Oh, all right, all right.
Take a break.
209
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,587
And we have confirmed
there are, in fact,
210
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:11,624
six people trapped inside
the apartment building.
211
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:13,926
Rescue teams
are on the scene--
212
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:16,228
[ Coughing ]
213
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:20,633
Hey, Melissa, there's
something I've always
wanted to ask you.
214
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,635
Do you sleep
on your stomach?
215
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,037
No.
Can I?
216
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:29,041
[ Scoffs ]
Paul, I'm wasting my life
in a dead-end job,
217
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:31,443
while I watch the rest
of the world pass me by.
218
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,846
Now why would I want to make
things worse by dating you?
219
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,848
[ Blender Whirring ]
I know you don't
mean that, baby.
220
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,250
Hey, why don't you let me
take you to Vegas?
221
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:42,254
I can teach you
how to play roulette.
[ Whirring Stops ]
222
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:45,457
Make it Russian roulette,
you got yourself a deal.
223
00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:49,461
Paul. Get the hell
away from Melissa.
224
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:51,463
[ Clicks Tongue,
Whistling ]
225
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,465
Your shake. Enjoy.
226
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,467
Ah, no thanks.
You can have it.
I've changed my mind.
227
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:59,471
Get Eric on the phone,
will ya? And fix me
something I can chew.
228
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,425
And now with my new army
of lava people,
229
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:07,429
Hercules will never...
screw with us again.
230
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:10,432
Cut! Cut! Come on!
Cut it, everybody!
231
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:14,436
Listen. I know this ain't
Shakespeare, Patrick,
but "screw with us"?
232
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,940
Come on.
Gimme a break, will ya?
Now who's on the script?
233
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,442
[ Chattering ]
234
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,663
[ Rob ]
I'll take mine well done,
Melissa.
235
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,049
[ Melissa ]
It's sushi, Rob.
You eat it raw.
236
00:14:27,049 --> 00:14:29,051
[ Line Ringing On Intercom ]
Hello.
237
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:30,753
Ah, Eric.
Any word on Kevin?
238
00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:33,255
No, no, nothing yet.
[ Liz On Phone ]
Why are you whispering?
239
00:14:33,255 --> 00:14:35,758
Well, I told the crew
Kevin's running a little late.
240
00:14:35,758 --> 00:14:38,260
If they find out he's missing,
I could have a panic
on my hands.
241
00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,763
These people
have families to support.
242
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,648
[ Rob On Phone ]
Families, schmamlies.
Come on, Eric.
243
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:45,217
Aren't we all
one big family anyway?
244
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:49,238
Well, look, just stall them
as long as you can.
[ Stammering ]
245
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:53,442
- Ah-choo!
- Gesundheit.
246
00:14:53,442 --> 00:14:58,914
You're welcome.
Eric, buddy, I don't want you
to worry about a thing.
247
00:14:58,914 --> 00:15:02,768
I got the greatest staff
in the world working on
this problem even as we speak.
248
00:15:06,422 --> 00:15:08,424
[ Zipper Unzips ]
249
00:15:09,925 --> 00:15:11,927
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
250
00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:17,900
dddd [ Whistling
HerculesTheme Song ]
251
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:27,276
dddd [ All Whistling
HerculesTheme Song ]
252
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:35,551
dddd [ All Humming
HerculesTheme Song ]
253
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,791
dddd [ Humming Continues ]
254
00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:46,295
dddd [ Trumpet Sound ]
255
00:15:46,795 --> 00:15:50,766
dddd [ All Vocalizing
HerculesTheme Song ]
256
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,025
dddd [ Vocalizing Continues ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
257
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:06,031
Renaissance Pictures.
[ Woman On Phone,
Indistinct ]
258
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,867
Oh! Oh, that's
wonderful news!
259
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,487
[ All Flush ]
260
00:16:11,487 --> 00:16:14,790
You tell him we're looking
forward to seeing him soon.
261
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:18,293
Yeah. Bye-bye.
262
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:21,797
Oh, my God!
263
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:25,300
The head of the studio's
on his way over here now!
264
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,674
The head of the studio's coming!
265
00:16:33,175 --> 00:16:35,678
[ Beeps ]
266
00:16:35,678 --> 00:16:39,098
[ Computerized Voice ]
Red alert! Red alert!
[ Melissa ] Gloves!
267
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:42,518
The head of the studio
is on his way.
Apron!
268
00:16:42,518 --> 00:16:47,523
Estimated time of arrival--
one minute, 57 seconds.
Jacket! Rose petals!
269
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:52,111
- Right.
-One minute, 36 seconds.
270
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:56,081
-One minute, 35 seconds.
- Polish! Dust! Vacuum!
271
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:59,084
Pictures erect!
Sparkle! Shine!
272
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:09,378
He's gonna fire us all.
I'm a dead man.
I'm a dead man!
273
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:11,380
Bring him on, baby!
274
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,382
Shut up,
the both of you!
275
00:17:13,882 --> 00:17:15,384
Nobody's getting fired.
276
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:17,386
The studio doesn't know
Kevin is missing,
277
00:17:17,886 --> 00:17:19,888
and it is going
to stay that way.
278
00:17:19,888 --> 00:17:21,807
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
279
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:34,453
[ Cash Register Bell Dings ]
280
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:37,523
Mr. Hollinsfoffer,
it's always a pleasure
to have you here, sir.
281
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,525
Say, you're a pretty good liar.
Are you an executive?
282
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,327
I'm Mr. Tapert's assistant.
Come see me in my office
Monday morning.
283
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,329
We need more people
like you in management.
284
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:50,202
Oh, B.S., how nice
to see you again.
It hasn't been long enough.
285
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:53,472
What the hell is everybody
doing here on a Sunday
anyway, huh?
286
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,708
Say, is it Sunday?
We were so busy,
we-we-we didn't even notice.
287
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,660
That's what
I wanna hear!
288
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,396
Like I always say,
weekends are for Communists.
289
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:04,967
- Look what happened to them.
-[ Golf Club Whooshes ]
290
00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:06,718
[ Rob Grimaces ]
291
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:14,726
[ Laughs ]
292
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:17,062
[ All Laughing ]
293
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:19,398
[ Coughing ]
294
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,500
[ All Laughing ]
295
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:24,186
By the way, what's
with the rubber pants?
296
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,156
Oh, well, they're
the new rage, B.S.
297
00:18:27,156 --> 00:18:29,041
All the kids are wearing
rubbers these days.
298
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,293
Isn't that right, Liz?
Yeah, yeah.
299
00:18:31,293 --> 00:18:34,179
And if they're not,
well, they should be.
300
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,932
Make note to self:
Buy 12 pair of rubber pants.
301
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:39,301
Hmm. Thanks for
the tip, Tap.
302
00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:42,187
[ Laughs ]
[ All Laughing ]
303
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:45,274
[ Coughing ]
304
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,776
Anytime, B.S.
Say hello to the wives.
305
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:50,145
[ Golf Club Whooshes ]
Why am I here?
306
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,866
Oh!
During the earthquake,
307
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,869
a chandelier fell down,
hit me on the head.
308
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,921
It was then
that I had a vision.
309
00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:00,923
A new direction
for the show.
310
00:19:00,923 --> 00:19:02,925
Hercules: The Musical!
311
00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:06,428
Huh? LikeLa Cage Aux Folles
only better, bigger, brighter.
312
00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:09,882
- Goes something like this.
-[ Monitor Beeps ]
313
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,818
[ B.S. ]
You start with your basic
damsel in distress.
314
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:17,239
Stop wasting your time.
You need a partner
to enter the contest.
315
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,992
No one's crazy enough
to dance with you.
316
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,995
[ B.S. Narrating ]
But guess who comes along!
I'll be your partner.
317
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,864
[ Man ] Where'd he come from?
[ B.S. ] All we need now
is a dance teacher.
318
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,283
The kind of gal
who can teach him how to
shake a tail feather.
319
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:31,153
dd Honey, if you try dd
320
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:35,174
d
dd I know you'll reach the sky d
321
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:40,262
dd Just learn to spread
your wings and fly dddd
322
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,972
[ B.S. ] When it's time for them
to strut their stuff, they set
the dance floor on fire.
323
00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:54,426
]
dddd [ Rumba
324
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,873
dddd [ Continues ]
325
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:16,431
Get them off
that dance floor now!
326
00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:18,917
Come on!
327
00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:30,996
[ Clacking Sound ]
328
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,899
Brilliant.
Real showstopper, B.S.
329
00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:36,668
You said it.
Yeah, they'll love it
in Cleveland.
330
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:39,638
If they knew what they liked
in Cleveland, they wouldn't
live there. [ Spits ]
331
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,790
[ Intercom Beeps ]
332
00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:44,293
Yeah, what is it?
Rob, it's Davey.
333
00:20:44,293 --> 00:20:47,696
I haven't been able
to find Kevin yet,
but, uh--
334
00:20:47,696 --> 00:20:50,699
Yeah, don't worry.
I'm on to a new lead
on where he might be, you know.
335
00:20:50,699 --> 00:20:53,201
Oh, Davey.
How nice to hear from you.
Thanks for calling.
336
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:56,271
- Enjoy the rest
of your vacation.
- Uh-uh, but, uh--
337
00:20:56,271 --> 00:20:59,241
Say, what did he mean,
"find Kevin"?
338
00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:03,745
Oh, not "find Kevin."
"Find... heaven."
339
00:21:03,745 --> 00:21:05,731
He's on a religious quest.
340
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:08,183
- Isn't that right, Liz?
- You betcha.
341
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:11,753
Davey hasn't been the same
since he saw George Burns's
face on a tortilla.
342
00:21:12,254 --> 00:21:14,806
[ Laughing ]
343
00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:16,975
It's no use.
He knows.
344
00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:21,563
It's true! It's true!
Kevin Sorbo's gone missing.
Oh, please, don't fire me!
345
00:21:21,563 --> 00:21:24,516
Please! I throw myself
on the mercy of the studio.
346
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:27,019
[ Yells, Groans ]
347
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,524
You lied to me.
348
00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:35,027
I never said
Kevinwasn'tmissing.
349
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:38,196
Oh! You never said
hewasmissing.
You're fired!
350
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,482
You can't fire me.
I quit.
351
00:21:40,482 --> 00:21:42,951
You can't quit.
I fired you!
352
00:21:42,951 --> 00:21:46,922
Oh, come on, guys.
We're all friends here.
353
00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:53,662
[ Groans ]
354
00:21:53,662 --> 00:21:56,798
I'm blind. Mommy?
[ Groans ]
355
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:02,554
You, you, you,
you, you...
356
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:06,875
and you are all fired!
[ Liz ]
Thanks, Paul.
357
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:08,877
[ Rob ]
Well, it was fun
while it lasted.
358
00:22:08,877 --> 00:22:10,879
[ Liz ]
MaybeSinbadis hiring.
359
00:22:10,879 --> 00:22:14,383
Nice poker face,
you sniveling coward.
360
00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:19,888
Hey, wait a minute.
That's it-- poker face.
We bluff.
361
00:22:19,888 --> 00:22:21,840
What are you talkin' about?
362
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:26,395
Our show may not have a star,
but the audience doesn't
need to know that.
363
00:22:26,395 --> 00:22:30,866
Earth to Paul.
Once they turn on their TV set,
they'll see-- no Hercules.
364
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,336
Yeah, but what if
that is the story.
365
00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:37,339
You know, like, maybe
Hercules is caught up...
366
00:22:37,339 --> 00:22:40,842
in this--
this big... vortex.
367
00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:45,814
Remember that vortex
that led to a parallel world,
368
00:22:45,814 --> 00:22:47,849
where everything
was backwards?
369
00:22:47,849 --> 00:22:51,653
Ares, this is, uh,
a new look for you.
370
00:22:52,154 --> 00:22:53,655
What did you expect?
371
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,891
I am the God of Love.
372
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:04,883
It wouldn't kill you
to let it all hang out.
373
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:07,402
Please, no.
It's not ladylike.
374
00:23:07,402 --> 00:23:10,389
Aphrodite's shy. Wow.
375
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:14,076
[ Laughs ]
Nowthatis funny.
376
00:23:14,076 --> 00:23:16,061
What is this?
You promised me an execution.
377
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:19,514
I did, didn't I?
378
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:21,833
[ Gasps ]
379
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,987
[ Paul ]
And Hercules had to fight
his evil twin, the Sovereign.
380
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:29,674
Run, Iolaus!
[ Sovereign Growls ]
381
00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:41,636
No!
382
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:45,223
[ Paul ]
Well, why can't we stick
Hercules in the vortex too?
383
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:49,144
So, while Hercules
is trapped in the vortex,
384
00:23:49,144 --> 00:23:51,546
all the other characters
have to run around
and help each other...
385
00:23:51,546 --> 00:23:55,417
to-- to protect the world
from the Sovereign.
386
00:23:55,417 --> 00:23:57,202
You idiot!
387
00:23:57,669 --> 00:24:00,205
Kevin Sorbo
played the Sovereign.
388
00:24:01,490 --> 00:24:03,492
[ Sobbing ]
389
00:24:05,494 --> 00:24:07,496
[ Rob ]
Where do you think
you're going?
390
00:24:07,496 --> 00:24:10,449
Hey, Hollinsfoffer
just fired us, remember?
391
00:24:11,833 --> 00:24:14,603
Good point.
I'm goin' fishing.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
392
00:24:14,603 --> 00:24:18,006
-Nice working with ya.
-Right. See ya.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
393
00:24:18,006 --> 00:24:21,893
Back! Back! Back! Back! Back!
Nobody's going anywhere.
394
00:24:21,893 --> 00:24:24,346
Somebody
has to handle this.
395
00:24:24,846 --> 00:24:27,232
- You're all rehired.
- [ All ] Whoo-hoo!
396
00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:31,036
Now if you'll excuse me, I have
to call an emergency meeting
with the board of directors.
397
00:24:31,036 --> 00:24:35,290
And I expect this
to be taken care of
by the time I get back.
398
00:24:35,290 --> 00:24:37,359
Hat!
399
00:24:42,347 --> 00:24:44,716
I'm outta here!
400
00:24:44,716 --> 00:24:46,668
Eric is on the line.
401
00:24:47,169 --> 00:24:50,172
[ Overlapping Chattering ]
Yes, Eric, go ahead.
402
00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:53,158
Did Kevin show up yet?
I was gonna ask you
the same thing.
403
00:24:53,158 --> 00:24:55,660
I think the crew's
getting suspicious.
They know something's up.
404
00:24:56,161 --> 00:25:00,549
If they found out I lied
to them, I'm dead! Dead!
Just keep your pants on.
405
00:25:00,549 --> 00:25:03,752
But for God's sake,
don't zip 'em up too fast.
It's a killer.
406
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:05,637
[ Gasping ]
[ Woman ] Somebody's
gotta lower that light.
407
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:08,139
I've got a little problem
with one of the extras.
408
00:25:08,139 --> 00:25:10,141
Okay, everybody,
that's lunch!
409
00:25:10,141 --> 00:25:12,143
[ Bell Rings ]
Gotta go!
410
00:25:14,162 --> 00:25:18,049
Well, fellas, I'm afraid
we're gonna have to
face the ugly truth.
411
00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:21,269
It's time to find
a new Hercules.
412
00:25:23,788 --> 00:25:26,107
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
413
00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:31,029
What's the matter,
somebody's puppy die?
414
00:25:34,399 --> 00:25:37,903
Ooh, tall, dark
and handsome.
415
00:25:37,903 --> 00:25:39,905
I miss ya, Jer.
416
00:25:40,405 --> 00:25:43,491
A hard man's good to find
these days.
417
00:25:43,491 --> 00:25:46,294
Well, I told you, Beth,
relationships
are for the weak.
418
00:25:46,294 --> 00:25:48,597
A week, a day.
I'll take an hour.
419
00:25:48,597 --> 00:25:50,882
Truth is, I only need
a couple of minutes.
420
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,035
How is Captain Happy, hmm?
421
00:25:54,035 --> 00:25:57,872
- Have mercy.
- Look. Can we just
get started already?
422
00:25:57,872 --> 00:26:01,076
[ Beth ]
All right. But don't
get your hopes up.
423
00:26:01,076 --> 00:26:04,346
It's not easy to find
qualified applicants
on such short notice.
424
00:26:05,847 --> 00:26:07,849
Everyone,
425
00:26:09,351 --> 00:26:10,852
this is Johnny Pinko.
426
00:26:11,336 --> 00:26:13,221
Say hi, cutie pie.
427
00:26:13,722 --> 00:26:15,690
Shh. Save it.
428
00:26:15,690 --> 00:26:18,860
Johnny here's my gardener.
He trims my hedges
twice a week.
429
00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:21,696
You should see the size
of his weed whacker.
430
00:26:23,114 --> 00:26:25,100
Okay, studly?
431
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,353
Sure, but I just
got one question.
432
00:26:28,353 --> 00:26:31,389
[ All ]
What's my motivation?
433
00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:36,394
Let me explain.
Hercules has just met up
with his old flame, Nemesis.
434
00:26:36,895 --> 00:26:39,397
And she's got
quite a surprise for him.
435
00:26:39,397 --> 00:26:41,316
And you saved his life.
436
00:26:41,816 --> 00:26:43,818
And this would be Evander.
437
00:26:43,818 --> 00:26:48,173
Yes, it would--
Evander-- our baby.
438
00:26:48,173 --> 00:26:50,925
[ Evander Gurgling ]
Shh!
439
00:26:50,925 --> 00:26:52,927
Our baby?
440
00:26:52,927 --> 00:26:58,617
[ Beth ] But Nemesis
has a secret, and she's
too ashamed to admit the truth.
441
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:02,120
He's my son.
You don't wanna try me.
442
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,573
[ Beth ] But it doesn't matter
to Hercules, who promises he'll
always look after Evander.
443
00:27:06,074 --> 00:27:10,078
I'll be back to see you
every chance I get.
444
00:27:10,578 --> 00:27:14,582
And before you know it,
I'll be teaching you
how to wrestle.
445
00:27:16,084 --> 00:27:18,086
And throw the discus.
446
00:27:21,089 --> 00:27:23,591
You don't know it now,
447
00:27:23,591 --> 00:27:26,094
but one day...
448
00:27:26,594 --> 00:27:28,596
you'll realize
you're different.
449
00:27:30,098 --> 00:27:32,600
And you'll wanna be
like everyone else.
450
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:36,855
But you never will be.
You're special.
451
00:27:37,639 --> 00:27:40,525
You're very special.
452
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:43,578
I will always
be there for you.
453
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:46,831
[ Evander Gurgling ]
Always.
454
00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:48,583
Sock it to us, Pinko.
455
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:51,086
And make it good.
456
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:54,589
One moment, please.
457
00:28:03,948 --> 00:28:05,800
Mm-mm-mm.
458
00:28:10,655 --> 00:28:15,160
Evander, I'll be back
to see you every chance I get.
459
00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:17,629
Before you know it,
I'll be teaching you
how to wrestle,
460
00:28:17,629 --> 00:28:19,631
how to-- how to
throw the discus.
461
00:28:19,631 --> 00:28:23,935
Huh? It won't be
an easy life to live,
but I'll be around to help.
462
00:28:23,935 --> 00:28:28,490
You know?
I will be there.
[ Sobbing ]
463
00:28:28,490 --> 00:28:33,828
Whoo, yes!
Oh, yes!
464
00:28:33,828 --> 00:28:35,814
Oh.
[ Laughs ]
465
00:28:39,701 --> 00:28:42,504
- Pretty good, huh?
- [ Groans ]
466
00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:47,058
[ Sean Connery Imitation ]
Evander, I'll be back
to see you every chance I get.
467
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:50,645
[ Gurgling ]
468
00:28:57,569 --> 00:29:01,055
d
dd Hey, Evander
I'll be back to see
you every chance I get ddd
469
00:29:01,055 --> 00:29:06,144
d
dd Before you know it
I'll be teaching you how to
wrestle and throw the discus d
470
00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:08,446
dd Well, it won't be
an easy life to live dddd
471
00:29:10,231 --> 00:29:13,601
Well, if we ever make
a show calledRejects,
we'll know where to look.
472
00:29:13,601 --> 00:29:17,372
Beth, what are you doing to me?
I've seen better actors
in a puppet show.
473
00:29:17,372 --> 00:29:20,775
What do you expect?
You should have told me
when you knew Sorbo was missing.
474
00:29:20,775 --> 00:29:23,278
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not my fault, okay?
475
00:29:23,278 --> 00:29:26,131
It's these damn writers.
I thought they'd have something
for me by now.
476
00:29:26,131 --> 00:29:30,135
C'mon, say that again.
Please.
477
00:29:34,139 --> 00:29:36,424
You want a piece of me,
tough guy?
478
00:29:41,095 --> 00:29:43,465
You'll have to
go through Liz.
479
00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:46,401
Ten bucks on Liz,
first round.
480
00:29:47,302 --> 00:29:49,571
Come on!
481
00:29:49,571 --> 00:29:52,557
Would you guys quit it?
I mean, come on!
482
00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:54,926
Now, look.
We're all working
on a hit show here.
483
00:29:54,926 --> 00:29:57,745
And no matter what happens,
nobody can take that
away from us.
484
00:29:57,745 --> 00:30:00,114
Except Kevin Sorbo.
485
00:30:01,699 --> 00:30:07,322
Yeah. We have
Davey on line one,
and Eric on line two.
486
00:30:08,790 --> 00:30:10,658
Yeah.
487
00:30:10,658 --> 00:30:12,977
Yeah, go ahead, Davey.
488
00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,213
Kevin Sorbo's
not in Spain, man!
489
00:30:15,213 --> 00:30:17,549
Davey, just slow down.
Take a breath.
490
00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:22,170
I can't slow down.
My life depends on it,
you know?
491
00:30:22,170 --> 00:30:26,274
You see? Now that's
the kind of commitment
I look for in my employees.
492
00:30:26,274 --> 00:30:30,929
Now, if you folks had been
working as hard as Davey here,
I'd be fishing now.
493
00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,814
Davey, remind me
to give you a raise.
494
00:30:32,814 --> 00:30:36,034
- [ Bulls Bellowing ]
- [ Yells ]
495
00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:39,821
- Go ahead, Eric.
- Yeah, the crew found out!
496
00:30:40,321 --> 00:30:42,323
Eric, calm down.
I can't understand you.
497
00:30:42,824 --> 00:30:45,827
I tried to pretend I was Kevin,
but for some reason
it didn't work.
498
00:30:45,827 --> 00:30:49,214
Oh, the horror!
Get off me!
I made you people!
499
00:30:49,214 --> 00:30:52,000
Hey, you tell those idiots
down there to behave,
or they're all fired.
500
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,869
No! Oh, tell my wife
I love her!
501
00:30:54,869 --> 00:31:00,124
Tell my son
what a great man I was!
[ Screams ]
502
00:31:01,910 --> 00:31:04,295
[ Thud ]
[ Dial Tone ]
503
00:31:04,295 --> 00:31:06,297
We lost him.
504
00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:08,550
We're next.
505
00:31:08,550 --> 00:31:10,485
When the board finds out,
506
00:31:10,485 --> 00:31:12,987
they're gonna feed us
to the mechanical shark
in the amusement park.
507
00:31:12,987 --> 00:31:15,473
[ Sobbing ]
508
00:31:15,473 --> 00:31:20,228
Somebody's gotta
stop this insanity!
Liz!
509
00:31:23,698 --> 00:31:26,084
-[ Paul Grunts ]
-[ Beth ]
Too ugly.
510
00:31:26,484 --> 00:31:29,988
Too blonde.
No. No.
511
00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:32,490
No. No.
512
00:31:32,991 --> 00:31:35,243
I brought smelling salts.
513
00:31:35,243 --> 00:31:38,046
No, thanks, Melissa.
I'm trying to cut down.
514
00:31:39,914 --> 00:31:42,867
Oh, hey, while you're here,
take an inch or two
off the top, will ya?
515
00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:45,603
- I'm getting a little shaggy.
- Oh, can I?
516
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:48,773
Well, that would be
the frosting on the cake
of my day.
517
00:31:51,175 --> 00:31:53,144
Officer, they said
they were 18.
518
00:31:53,144 --> 00:31:56,147
[ Clears Throat ]
What happened?
519
00:31:56,147 --> 00:31:59,033
Aftershock. You slipped
and fell on my fist.
520
00:31:59,033 --> 00:32:01,519
Oh.
[ Sighs ]
521
00:32:01,519 --> 00:32:05,189
All right now, people,
we're back to square one.
522
00:32:05,189 --> 00:32:08,376
How do we have a Hercules
episode without Hercules?
[ Mouthing Words ]
523
00:32:10,561 --> 00:32:14,532
-[ Jerry ] Well, sir--
- What about young Hercules?
524
00:32:16,334 --> 00:32:18,636
Go on.
525
00:32:18,636 --> 00:32:21,422
Well, he was a teenager
once, wasn't he?
526
00:32:21,422 --> 00:32:24,809
I mean, when did
he first meet Iolaus?
527
00:32:24,809 --> 00:32:27,762
And what was
the first monster he killed?
528
00:32:27,762 --> 00:32:31,549
And how long has he
been wearing those pants?
529
00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:36,554
Hercules has always been
a do-gooder, but remember
that Iolaus was a thief.
530
00:32:37,055 --> 00:32:38,756
Don't worry. I'll take it.
Mine! Mine!
531
00:32:39,223 --> 00:32:41,826
Maybe they weren't always
such good friends.
532
00:32:41,826 --> 00:32:43,411
After all,
boys will be boys.
533
00:32:43,411 --> 00:32:47,298
And remember,
balance is the key.
534
00:32:49,167 --> 00:32:51,002
Ooh! Ooh!
535
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:53,554
Looks like Hercules
is a little off-key.
536
00:32:57,675 --> 00:33:00,561
Balance...
537
00:33:00,561 --> 00:33:02,397
is...
538
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,932
key!
539
00:33:04,932 --> 00:33:08,136
[ Melissa ] Maybe he was
even a little too cocky
for his own good.
540
00:33:08,136 --> 00:33:10,138
Guess I beat
Ares' security system.
541
00:33:16,177 --> 00:33:20,114
[ Screeching ]
542
00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:25,603
That is a big snake.
543
00:33:37,648 --> 00:33:41,602
[ Melissa ]
It would be just like
The Wonder Years,
544
00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:44,055
but with giant snakes.
545
00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:47,425
[ Popping Noise ]
We're saved!
546
00:33:47,425 --> 00:33:50,311
Melissa, you're a genius!
547
00:33:50,311 --> 00:33:55,049
Excuse me. I'd hate to be
a party pooper here, but we'd
have to recast the entire show,
548
00:33:55,049 --> 00:33:57,935
and we haven't even found
one decent actor today.
549
00:33:57,935 --> 00:33:59,937
Well, Skipper's
got a point too.
[ Clippers Buzzing ]
550
00:33:59,937 --> 00:34:01,939
Oh, but it'll make
a great spin-off.
551
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:03,808
Melissa, remind me
to give you next Sunday off.
552
00:34:03,808 --> 00:34:06,444
- [ Mouthing Words ]
- Coming through.
553
00:34:06,444 --> 00:34:08,946
The board of directors
are animals.
They want blood.
554
00:34:08,946 --> 00:34:12,800
If we don't come up
with something by 5:00,
the show is canceled.
555
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,520
What?
556
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:21,159
Hmm.
557
00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:24,462
[ All Laughing ]
558
00:34:24,462 --> 00:34:26,464
Oops.
559
00:34:31,018 --> 00:34:34,255
[ Beth ]
What? Bernie,
speak English.
560
00:34:34,255 --> 00:34:38,593
Are you telling me he'd rather
do a hemorrhoids commercial?
561
00:34:38,593 --> 00:34:43,448
Fine. Fine. Then I'm sure
he'll enjoy sticking it
where the sun don't shine!
562
00:34:44,949 --> 00:34:47,318
Don Knotts won't do it.
563
00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:50,688
Well, keep at it, Beth.
I don't wanna see
your face around here...
564
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:52,690
until you find me
a new Hercules.
565
00:34:55,143 --> 00:34:57,512
What are you gonna do?
It's almost 5:00.
566
00:34:59,247 --> 00:35:01,732
[ Sighs ]
Actors.
567
00:35:01,732 --> 00:35:04,068
I wish we could do away
with them altogether.
568
00:35:04,569 --> 00:35:08,973
Say, that gives me
an idea.
569
00:35:11,409 --> 00:35:13,895
[ Rob ]
What if we turned the show
into a cartoon?
570
00:35:13,895 --> 00:35:16,831
Why, we could have
a bunch of 'toons
doing all the things...
571
00:35:16,831 --> 00:35:20,118
that made this show
the money-making machine
that feeds us all.
572
00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:24,789
I... never... quit!
Bah!
573
00:35:27,258 --> 00:35:29,760
[ Hercules ]
Now drop him!
574
00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,779
[ Yelling ]
575
00:35:34,081 --> 00:35:37,485
[ Laughs ]
Cartoons. It's perfect.
576
00:35:37,485 --> 00:35:41,355
They're never late,
they don't complain,
and they won't ask for raises.
577
00:35:41,856 --> 00:35:44,775
Hello! Am I the only one
in this room getting oxygen?
578
00:35:44,775 --> 00:35:48,579
You still need Kevin's voice.
No Kevin, no cartoon.
579
00:35:48,579 --> 00:35:53,801
- [ Mocking ]
- Well, this is pointless.
580
00:35:55,303 --> 00:35:59,307
We should surrender
while we still got our dignity.
581
00:35:59,307 --> 00:36:01,809
[ Sobbing ]
We're ruined!
582
00:36:01,809 --> 00:36:03,811
I gotta get outta town!
Quick!
583
00:36:03,811 --> 00:36:07,648
Whoa! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
Whoa!
584
00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:11,986
Now, we have an idea.
585
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:20,111
Go on, tell 'em.
586
00:36:20,111 --> 00:36:22,613
You're gonna love this.
587
00:36:22,613 --> 00:36:25,633
[ Man Narrating ]
This is the story
of a time long ago,
588
00:36:25,633 --> 00:36:27,952
a time of myth and legend,
589
00:36:27,952 --> 00:36:30,988
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,
590
00:36:30,988 --> 00:36:33,491
and they plagued mankind
with suffering.
591
00:36:33,491 --> 00:36:37,328
Only one animal dared
to challenge their power--
592
00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:39,330
Chimpules.
[ Chittering ]
593
00:36:42,817 --> 00:36:44,769
Pretty great, huh?
594
00:36:44,769 --> 00:36:48,105
- Let me get this straight.
- Yeah.
595
00:36:48,105 --> 00:36:52,159
You guys sit there
like vegetables for six months,
596
00:36:52,159 --> 00:36:55,146
and the first idea
you come up with is Chimpules?
597
00:36:56,097 --> 00:37:00,835
Well, we were saving it
for the right time.
598
00:37:00,835 --> 00:37:03,638
How the [ Bleep ]
did they get these jobs?
599
00:37:03,638 --> 00:37:06,474
- Liz hired them.
- I used to babysit
for them in high school.
600
00:37:06,474 --> 00:37:10,044
I didn't realize they'd
turn out to be such idiots.
601
00:37:10,044 --> 00:37:15,733
Okay, okay, look.
We didn't go to film school
for nothing.
602
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:20,304
And we've been working
on this idea,
day and night.
603
00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:23,724
And frankly, I think--
604
00:37:23,724 --> 00:37:27,111
No, Iknowyou guys
are jealous of our talent.
605
00:37:27,111 --> 00:37:30,831
And you know what?
It's not fair.
606
00:37:30,831 --> 00:37:35,336
It is not fair!
Not fair! N-- Ow!
607
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:37,204
I've had it with you!
608
00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:40,508
Die! Die!
609
00:37:42,376 --> 00:37:46,047
Ow, my eye!
Get your finger
outta my eye!
610
00:37:46,547 --> 00:37:49,917
Excuse me.
The board of directors
are on the line.
611
00:37:49,917 --> 00:37:53,020
They'd like an answer.
[ Fighting Continues ]
612
00:37:53,020 --> 00:37:58,592
Rob, I've been
in this business 20 years.
613
00:37:58,592 --> 00:38:00,561
And I think
it's safe to say...
614
00:38:01,062 --> 00:38:04,915
this is the worst staff
in the entire history
of television.
615
00:38:04,915 --> 00:38:07,468
I'm gonna
gouge your eyes out!
616
00:38:07,468 --> 00:38:12,940
[ Beeping ]
617
00:38:12,940 --> 00:38:15,609
[ Computer Voice ]
Smoke detector.
618
00:38:15,609 --> 00:38:18,929
Please evacuate building
in an orderly fashion.
This is not a drill.
619
00:38:18,929 --> 00:38:22,316
That's it.
Little Jerry ain't
foolin' around no more.
620
00:38:27,204 --> 00:38:31,208
Oh. Melissa, get me
a towel, will ya?
My hair is melting.
621
00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:36,063
Use my diploma, you dummy.
It's not doing me any good!
622
00:38:36,063 --> 00:38:40,351
Mr. Hollinsfoffer,
I hope this doesn't
reflect negatively...
623
00:38:40,351 --> 00:38:43,854
on my situation.
[ Yells ]
624
00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:48,526
No!
Like that, huh?
Do ya?
625
00:38:48,526 --> 00:38:50,961
Ooh!
626
00:38:50,961 --> 00:38:52,813
Yeah, I like it!
627
00:39:14,251 --> 00:39:16,570
[ Oxygen Hissing ]
628
00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:21,759
Hi.
629
00:39:33,487 --> 00:39:35,673
[ Jerry ]
Die! Die! Die!
630
00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:38,426
[ Crunch ]
Goddamn!
631
00:39:41,395 --> 00:39:43,264
Is this a bad time?
632
00:39:54,792 --> 00:39:56,677
[ Cocks Gun ]
633
00:40:04,435 --> 00:40:06,854
[ Ares ]
Oh!
634
00:40:06,854 --> 00:40:11,275
This is a great day,
indeed.
You said it, Uncle.
635
00:40:11,275 --> 00:40:16,213
Causing that earthquake
was a stroke of genius.
636
00:40:16,213 --> 00:40:20,184
I knew my brother
couldn't put his show
above innocent lives.
637
00:40:20,184 --> 00:40:23,020
Mud slides, fires,
earthquakes.
638
00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:25,656
I'll bet he's had
quite the busy day.
639
00:40:25,656 --> 00:40:28,459
Oh! Nice.
640
00:40:28,459 --> 00:40:31,729
And now...
641
00:40:31,729 --> 00:40:34,865
with these mortals about to,
uh, kill each other,
642
00:40:36,033 --> 00:40:40,287
[ Chuckles ]
the show's as good as canceled.
643
00:40:40,287 --> 00:40:44,992
Yes, pretty soon my brother's
"legendary journeys"...
644
00:40:44,992 --> 00:40:47,328
will be
but a distant memory,
645
00:40:47,328 --> 00:40:49,213
and I'll be able to watch
Millenniumin peace.
646
00:40:49,213 --> 00:40:51,031
I missCop Rock.
647
00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:54,301
Oh, I'll sing
something for you.
648
00:40:54,301 --> 00:40:58,522
No. I do not
believe this!
649
00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:01,942
You can't have rescued
everyone in the city
by now.
650
00:41:01,942 --> 00:41:04,445
It looks like
you've underestimated me
again, dear brother.
651
00:41:04,445 --> 00:41:06,897
But then,
what else is new?
652
00:41:06,897 --> 00:41:10,367
- You are pathetic.
- Pathetic.
653
00:41:10,367 --> 00:41:15,456
Pretending to be a mortal--
this-this
Kevin Sorbo character?
654
00:41:15,456 --> 00:41:18,125
And you know what Dad
thinks about actors.
655
00:41:18,125 --> 00:41:22,463
Wait, wait, wait.
Since when did you start
caring about what Zeus thinks?
656
00:41:22,463 --> 00:41:26,634
Besides, the, uh, world
isn't ready for the truth.
657
00:41:26,634 --> 00:41:30,688
This is not over, Hercules.
We'll meet again.
658
00:41:30,688 --> 00:41:35,309
Hmm. Have your people
call my people.
We'll do lunch.
659
00:41:45,286 --> 00:41:48,739
[ Arguing Continues ]
660
00:41:49,206 --> 00:41:52,426
- Kevin Sorbo.
-[ Liz ] Kevin!
661
00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:57,047
- Am I interrupting anything?
-[ Paul ] Oh, we're saved!
662
00:41:57,047 --> 00:42:00,501
Thank God!
[ Groaning ]
663
00:42:00,985 --> 00:42:03,837
[ Liz ]
We've been so worried.
664
00:42:03,837 --> 00:42:07,174
[ Laughs ]
Kevin, I-- You're--
665
00:42:07,174 --> 00:42:09,627
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, Kevin!
666
00:42:09,627 --> 00:42:11,629
Can you ever
forgive us?
667
00:42:11,629 --> 00:42:13,981
We thought we could do
the show without you.
668
00:42:13,981 --> 00:42:17,484
- Boy, were we wrong, huh?
- It's been a long day.
669
00:42:17,484 --> 00:42:19,970
It's true.
There's only one Hercules.
670
00:42:19,970 --> 00:42:22,973
You're telling me.
Uh, by the way, Kevin,
671
00:42:22,973 --> 00:42:24,925
where in the hell
were you all day?
672
00:42:25,426 --> 00:42:29,930
Oh, I, uh, I got
stuck in traffic.
Hmm.
673
00:42:29,930 --> 00:42:33,400
Hey, after all,
I'm only human.
674
00:42:34,401 --> 00:42:37,871
[ All Laughing ]
675
00:42:37,871 --> 00:42:39,873
[ Rob ]
Kevin, we wanna talk
to you about--
676
00:42:39,873 --> 00:42:42,726
[ Chattering ]
677
00:42:49,133 --> 00:42:51,135
On the brighter side,
678
00:42:51,135 --> 00:42:54,338
after one of the most
destructive earthquakes
in recent memory,
679
00:42:54,738 --> 00:42:58,742
we're happy to report
there have been zero casualties.
680
00:42:58,742 --> 00:43:01,145
All thanks
to a mystery man...
681
00:43:01,145 --> 00:43:05,149
who performed miraculous rescues
throughout the Southland.
682
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:08,352
If you're watching,
whoever you are,
683
00:43:08,752 --> 00:43:11,555
the City of Angels
owes you a debt of gratitude.
684
00:43:11,555 --> 00:43:14,758
Thank you and good night.
54108
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