All language subtitles for The.Unicorn.S01E02.720p.HDTV.x264-KILLERS

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,304 His wife's funeral was almost a year ago, and they're still 2 00:00:02,305 --> 00:00:03,937 living off the meals people made for them. 3 00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,405 - Hey, Wade. - Hey, Tracy. 4 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,475 This man has no idea what catnip 5 00:00:07,476 --> 00:00:08,666 he is to these women. 6 00:00:08,667 --> 00:00:10,273 You are a devoted father. 7 00:00:10,274 --> 00:00:12,045 You were a devoted husband. 8 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,984 You are a unicorn. You know, that elusive 9 00:00:13,985 --> 00:00:16,750 - creature that all single women are looking for. - Are you guys saying 10 00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:18,676 that all of these women are only into me because 11 00:00:18,677 --> 00:00:19,786 - my wife died? - Yep. 12 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,054 You're factory fresh, buddy. 13 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,525 Ah. 14 00:00:24,526 --> 00:00:26,874 Oh, what stinks in here? 15 00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:28,461 Noah's eating Sour Bombz. 16 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,120 They're the sourest thing in the world. 17 00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:32,730 Don't believe me? Ask a scientist. 18 00:00:32,731 --> 00:00:35,324 Oh, my God, that chemical smell is making my eyes water. 19 00:00:35,325 --> 00:00:37,216 Natalie? 20 00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:39,072 Hey, Grace, can you put your seat belt on? 21 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,041 Grace? 22 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,410 Hello? 23 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,894 - She's on Instagram. - What? No, I'm not! 24 00:00:45,895 --> 00:00:47,714 - Then what is it? - Oh, it's a new app. 25 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,616 It's called "Why don't you mind your own business?" 26 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,884 Yeah, I've heard of it. 27 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:54,436 Wade, word on the street is you've got a date tonight. 28 00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:57,165 Oh, yeah? Is the street your mom? 29 00:00:57,166 --> 00:00:59,989 I'd rather not say, but she says you shouldn't be allowed 30 00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:02,316 to pick out your own date because you've got no sense. 31 00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:05,619 Well, that's an interesting perspective. 32 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,204 All right. 33 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,508 Hey, Michelle. 34 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,934 - Hey, Wade. - Bye. 35 00:01:15,935 --> 00:01:17,915 Uh, by any chance, have you been talking 36 00:01:17,916 --> 00:01:19,658 about my social life in front of your kids? 37 00:01:19,659 --> 00:01:20,699 It wasn't me. 38 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:24,242 Noah, what did Mama say about keeping our mouths shut? 39 00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:25,786 I'm just making small talk. 40 00:01:25,787 --> 00:01:27,254 Well, talk about sports. 41 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,813 Which one? There's, like, a hundred. 42 00:01:28,814 --> 00:01:31,658 I don't care. Basketball, football, hockey. 43 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:32,984 Sorry, Wade. 44 00:01:32,985 --> 00:01:34,494 - Fencing. - What's fencing? 45 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:35,762 It's things with knives. 46 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,497 - You'd like it. - Can I sit in the front? 47 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,666 No, you can't sit in the front, 'cause you don't know no sports. 48 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,135 - So then, as soon as he walked away... - Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 49 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,662 - ... my friend said, "Do you know who that is?" - Mm? 50 00:01:44,663 --> 00:01:46,532 - "That was Boston Rob". - No. 51 00:01:46,533 --> 00:01:48,525 - Boston Rob? No. - Yes! 52 00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,556 Yeah. 53 00:01:49,557 --> 00:01:51,211 I have no idea who that is. 54 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,213 Oh. 55 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,715 The guy from Survivor. 56 00:01:54,716 --> 00:01:56,227 Oh, Survivor. Oh. 57 00:01:56,228 --> 00:01:57,551 Oh, I-I-I... I love them. 58 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,553 Are you kidding? "Eye of the Tiger"? 59 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,054 I didn't know they were from Boston. 60 00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:03,490 Oh... oh, no. 61 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:06,560 No, Survivor, the television show? 62 00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,862 It's been on for, like, 15 years? 63 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:13,467 Oh. Um, I don't have television down in my cave. 64 00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:15,369 Oh. 65 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:18,053 That was a joke. I-I don't really live in a cave. 66 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,407 You're hilarious! 67 00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:29,574 I've never heard of Boston Rob. 68 00:02:29,575 --> 00:02:30,784 Thank you very much. 69 00:02:30,785 --> 00:02:32,719 Seriously? He was on Survivor? 70 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,554 Survivor All-Stars? 71 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,270 Survivor Redemption Island? 72 00:02:36,271 --> 00:02:37,924 Survivor Hero vs. Villains? 73 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,027 We've never seen any of the Survivors, Forrest. 74 00:02:40,028 --> 00:02:42,368 - Mm. No. - Survivor Marquesas? 75 00:02:42,369 --> 00:02:45,395 - Oh, yes. Yeah, seen that one. - Wasn't that great? 76 00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:47,169 We've seen no Survivors! 77 00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:49,936 - Okay! - Slalom! 78 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,556 Hey, listen. There's more fish in the sea, right? 79 00:02:52,557 --> 00:02:54,345 Well, what makes you think it was a bad date? 80 00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:55,876 Literally everything you said about it. 81 00:02:55,877 --> 00:02:59,057 Yeah. Long silences, awkward conversations, no sex. 82 00:02:59,058 --> 00:03:00,584 There was never gonna be any sex, Forrest. 83 00:03:00,585 --> 00:03:01,666 Not with that attitude. 84 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,039 Okay. All right, I admit it. 85 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,584 We didn't exactly have chemistry, 86 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,412 and she did substitute a side salad for the coleslaw. 87 00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:09,690 - Oh, we are done with her. - She didn't eat the coleslaw?! 88 00:03:09,691 --> 00:03:10,791 - At Edgerton's? - She's dead! 89 00:03:10,792 --> 00:03:12,450 - Dead! - She was very nice. 90 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:14,819 And to be fair, uh, I'm a little rusty. 91 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,514 You know, I've barely been on a date in 20 years. 92 00:03:16,515 --> 00:03:17,539 So, who am I to judge? 93 00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:19,325 You're not going out with her again, are you? 94 00:03:19,326 --> 00:03:20,356 Friday. 95 00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:22,215 - Oh, she's a dud! - Why? 96 00:03:22,216 --> 00:03:24,608 She was very nice. 97 00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:29,116 Okay, nice is nice, but nice isn't everything, Wade. 98 00:03:29,117 --> 00:03:30,532 Mm-hmm, nice is nothing. 99 00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:32,692 I'm not nice. Delia's not nice. 100 00:03:32,693 --> 00:03:33,917 I'm nice. 101 00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:35,685 Look, it's a no-pressure thing, all right? 102 00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:38,178 We're just gonna go out, and we're gonna have drinks. 103 00:03:38,179 --> 00:03:39,404 That's all. 104 00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:41,196 Okay. Fine. 105 00:03:41,197 --> 00:03:42,601 Mmm. 106 00:03:42,602 --> 00:03:44,260 I just got an alert on my phone 107 00:03:44,261 --> 00:03:46,886 saying that I spent $12 on Lime. 108 00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:49,150 - What's Lime? - Oh, it's those scooters 109 00:03:49,151 --> 00:03:50,909 that people are riding all over the place. 110 00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,435 Oh, yeah, people don't wear helmets. 111 00:03:52,436 --> 00:03:54,261 I'm constantly yelling out the window at them. 112 00:03:54,262 --> 00:03:56,487 Nicely. 113 00:03:56,488 --> 00:03:58,546 Oh. Hey, everyone. 114 00:03:58,547 --> 00:03:59,738 - Hey, pumpkin. - Hey. 115 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,531 Uh, have you been on a Lime? 116 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:05,091 Since when do you know about Lime? 117 00:04:05,092 --> 00:04:07,727 I don't. I just got an alert on my phone. 118 00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:10,767 Right. 119 00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:13,027 Thought I turned those alerts off on your phone. 120 00:04:13,028 --> 00:04:14,347 Why would you do that? 121 00:04:14,348 --> 00:04:15,572 So she could ride a Lime. 122 00:04:15,573 --> 00:04:17,031 Please tell me you wore a helmet. 123 00:04:17,032 --> 00:04:19,190 Uh... Come on, of course. 124 00:04:19,191 --> 00:04:20,931 - Give me some credit. - Yeah, that's a no. 125 00:04:20,932 --> 00:04:23,124 Oh, Grace, come on. You know the drill. 126 00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:25,708 I've got to know where you are at all times, no exceptions. 127 00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:27,367 But that's an invasion of my privacy. 128 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,859 You're 14 years old. 129 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,638 - You don't get to have privacy. - Okay. 130 00:04:30,639 --> 00:04:32,531 Excuse me. Just curious over here. 131 00:04:32,532 --> 00:04:34,887 Uh, do you want a serious head injury? 132 00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:35,979 Is that, like, 133 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,304 what all the cool kids are doing? 134 00:04:37,305 --> 00:04:38,905 Are you, like, "Hey, dude! 135 00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:40,945 I'm rocking this subdural hematoma!" 136 00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:42,893 "Oh, no way, I'm so jelly!" 137 00:04:42,894 --> 00:04:44,942 Is it... yeah... like that? Is it like that? 138 00:04:44,943 --> 00:04:47,778 You know what? I'm canceling your Lime account. 139 00:04:48,947 --> 00:04:50,561 I don't know how to do that. 140 00:04:50,562 --> 00:04:52,654 You cancel your Lime account, but do it for real, 141 00:04:52,655 --> 00:04:54,289 or else I'm gonna take your phone away. 142 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,809 Well, my night's off to a great start. 143 00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:03,465 Look, 144 00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,338 there is no shame in canceling a date 145 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,107 - if you're just not feeling it. - Mm-hmm. 146 00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:08,742 My sister Meg told me she saw 147 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,577 her date roll up in a PT Cruiser, 148 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,746 so she went on the app and canceled him 149 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,247 before he cleared the valet stand. 150 00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:18,008 And then she called an Uber, which sadly was also him. 151 00:05:18,009 --> 00:05:20,479 Uh, well, good for her, 152 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,023 but I don't judge people that quickly. 153 00:05:23,024 --> 00:05:24,858 First dates are always awkward. 154 00:05:24,859 --> 00:05:26,693 Maybe this one will be different. 155 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,800 Oh, seriously? 156 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,803 Yeah, yeah. Went... went right through my foot. 157 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,040 Wow. Ouch. 158 00:05:41,042 --> 00:05:42,976 Yeah. 159 00:05:45,317 --> 00:05:46,774 Yeah, yeah, it was worse. 160 00:05:46,775 --> 00:05:48,623 Somehow, it was worse. 161 00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,877 Well, now you know, and you can move on. 162 00:05:50,878 --> 00:05:53,080 Yeah. I can move on. You know what? 163 00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:54,500 You're exactly right about that. 164 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,535 - I can just move on. - Mm-hmm. 165 00:05:56,536 --> 00:05:59,953 Ugh. It's Lizzie. "Last night was fun." 166 00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:01,388 Really? 167 00:06:01,389 --> 00:06:03,390 I mean, I guess she did laugh a lot. 168 00:06:03,391 --> 00:06:06,460 - Not at my jokes, but still... - Hey. 169 00:06:06,461 --> 00:06:08,662 - You're a magnetic guy. - Hmm. 170 00:06:08,663 --> 00:06:11,665 - Yeah, but I don't know, what do I do? - Nothing. 171 00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,734 - Come on. No, come on, man. - You do nothing, Wade. 172 00:06:13,735 --> 00:06:15,398 I'm not that kind of guy. How about this? 173 00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:18,468 How about just, uh, "Yes, it was"? 174 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,307 Done. 175 00:06:20,308 --> 00:06:22,309 There it is. 176 00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:24,978 - No looking back. - No looking back. 177 00:06:24,979 --> 00:06:27,380 - Okay. - All right. 178 00:06:27,381 --> 00:06:29,783 Yeah, it's time to play some soccer. 179 00:06:32,854 --> 00:06:33,954 Morning. 180 00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:35,188 Morning. 181 00:06:35,189 --> 00:06:37,257 Oh, what's that? 182 00:06:37,258 --> 00:06:41,294 Oh. Uh, it's that woman Lizzie I went out with. 183 00:06:41,295 --> 00:06:43,497 She sent me a friend request. 184 00:06:44,699 --> 00:06:46,533 You don't have to accept it. 185 00:06:46,534 --> 00:06:50,303 Yeah... that seems kind of mean. 186 00:06:50,304 --> 00:06:52,506 No reason not to be friends. 187 00:06:58,012 --> 00:06:59,980 Ah, Lizzie. 188 00:06:59,981 --> 00:07:02,763 You posted a picture of your lunch. Cool. 189 00:07:07,655 --> 00:07:10,891 Oh, I really don't want to play Boggle with you right now. 190 00:07:12,527 --> 00:07:15,896 Cat... catch... 191 00:07:17,498 --> 00:07:19,766 That's cute. 192 00:07:21,536 --> 00:07:23,737 Oh, come on. Uh... 193 00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:32,366 Ah, would you stop it? 194 00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:33,647 - Stop! - What? 195 00:07:33,648 --> 00:07:35,415 - Oh, you okay? - No. 196 00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:38,309 - It's Lizzie. - Lizzie? Lizzie the dud? 197 00:07:38,310 --> 00:07:41,658 Yes. Yes, we have been in almost constant contact. 198 00:07:41,659 --> 00:07:43,509 - Ugh. - Guys, I'm drowning here. 199 00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:45,397 I had no idea that dating 200 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,646 was going to be this complicated. 201 00:07:46,647 --> 00:07:48,305 When I was young, you would just go 202 00:07:48,306 --> 00:07:50,096 to a keg party at somebody's farm, 203 00:07:50,097 --> 00:07:52,683 and you would meet a girl at the bonfire 204 00:07:52,684 --> 00:07:53,728 - and start making out. - Right. 205 00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:55,335 - Mmm. - Next thing you know, bam. 206 00:07:55,336 --> 00:07:57,704 You're a thing. And after a while, you would have 207 00:07:57,705 --> 00:07:59,808 some dumb fight, and she'd throw 208 00:07:59,809 --> 00:08:01,212 all your cassettes out the truck window, 209 00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:03,443 and that was it. You just moved on. 210 00:08:03,444 --> 00:08:04,511 Right. 211 00:08:04,512 --> 00:08:07,247 Right, hey, uh, quick question: 212 00:08:07,248 --> 00:08:10,592 Did you grow up inside of a John Cougar Mellencamp song? 213 00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,621 - Yeah... Sort of. - Ah. That explains that. 214 00:08:14,622 --> 00:08:17,357 Look, the whole thing, it just happens so fast now. 215 00:08:17,358 --> 00:08:18,916 I mean, I know everything there is to know 216 00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:21,011 about this woman. Her rabbit has diarrhea. 217 00:08:21,012 --> 00:08:22,036 - Wow. - Ugh. 218 00:08:22,037 --> 00:08:23,811 I mean, what do... what do I do? 219 00:08:23,812 --> 00:08:24,978 You can change your number. 220 00:08:25,971 --> 00:08:27,667 Tell her to feed the rabbit a banana? 221 00:08:27,668 --> 00:08:28,668 What? 222 00:08:28,669 --> 00:08:29,736 Cheese? 223 00:08:29,737 --> 00:08:31,998 Guys, I don't even know why I'm even asking you. 224 00:08:31,999 --> 00:08:34,040 You have no idea what it's like out there now. 225 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,408 Ho, ho. 226 00:08:35,409 --> 00:08:36,543 - Oh, God. - Well... 227 00:08:36,544 --> 00:08:37,577 - God. - What? 228 00:08:37,578 --> 00:08:40,213 - What is it now? - She got bangs. 229 00:08:40,214 --> 00:08:42,044 She got... Well, okay. 230 00:08:42,045 --> 00:08:43,759 - Relax. Don't like it. Just don't like it. - That's her choice. 231 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,817 No, Wade! 232 00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:46,497 - Oh! Why? - Come on! 233 00:08:46,498 --> 00:08:49,656 Well, I'm-I'm sure she's probably feeling insecure she got bangs. 234 00:08:49,657 --> 00:08:51,625 - Well, I get that. - What? 235 00:08:51,626 --> 00:08:53,159 It's a big move. 236 00:08:55,373 --> 00:08:57,607 How can Wade say I don't know what it's like out there? 237 00:08:57,608 --> 00:09:00,108 He's just wrong. I'm not out of touch. 238 00:09:00,109 --> 00:09:02,477 - Please. You were never in touch. - What?! 239 00:09:02,478 --> 00:09:04,266 I could write a book on dating. 240 00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:06,378 You remember how I wooed you with champagne? 241 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,698 Wooed? You yelled at me from across the club, 242 00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:10,824 "Yo, baby! 243 00:09:10,825 --> 00:09:12,015 I got Cristal! 244 00:09:12,016 --> 00:09:13,629 The best for the best!" 245 00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:14,787 It worked, didn't it? 246 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,646 Yes, it worked. 247 00:09:16,647 --> 00:09:19,306 And that's why it's going in my book. 248 00:09:19,307 --> 00:09:21,646 Wade's wrong. We know what it's like out there. 249 00:09:21,647 --> 00:09:23,514 We were just in the game, like, a minute ago. 250 00:09:23,515 --> 00:09:25,550 Honey, it's been 20 years. 251 00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:27,285 Oh, my God. Has it? 252 00:09:27,286 --> 00:09:28,519 Deels, are we old? 253 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,121 - No, we're not old. - No. 254 00:09:30,122 --> 00:09:32,056 - We got our whole lives ahead of us. - Yes. 255 00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:33,358 Just less of it. 256 00:09:33,359 --> 00:09:36,327 Aw, crap. Let's go make love right now. 257 00:09:36,328 --> 00:09:37,328 - Yes. - Yes. 258 00:09:37,329 --> 00:09:39,297 - Yes. - Yeah. 259 00:09:39,298 --> 00:09:40,698 Or... 260 00:09:40,699 --> 00:09:42,133 I'm listening. 261 00:09:42,134 --> 00:09:43,134 Tonight. 262 00:09:43,135 --> 00:09:44,836 - Better. Yeah. - Yeah. 263 00:09:44,837 --> 00:09:47,035 - Yeah. - I'm gonna put it in the shared calendar. 264 00:09:47,036 --> 00:09:50,174 Good. 'Cause you've just been served. 265 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,600 You know, we'd been together two weeks, 266 00:09:51,601 --> 00:09:53,838 and you still thought my name was Nicole. 267 00:09:53,839 --> 00:09:55,508 - It was a loud club. - Mmm. 268 00:09:55,509 --> 00:09:56,988 Are you getting a divorce? 269 00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:59,516 We are having an adult conversation. 270 00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:02,509 Connor's parents got a divorce, and he got an iPad. 271 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,373 Well, sorry, we're very happy together, 272 00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:05,656 so you're getting nothing. 273 00:10:05,657 --> 00:10:07,179 I don't know. 274 00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:09,505 - Maybe Wade is right. - Hmm? 275 00:10:09,506 --> 00:10:11,429 I'm not in these streets like I used to be. 276 00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,455 And I want to help him, but I don't even know 277 00:10:13,456 --> 00:10:15,199 what the rules are anymore. 278 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,169 You know who does? 279 00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:20,338 Please don't say my sister. 280 00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:23,374 Okay, Meg, I just want you to talk to him. 281 00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:26,867 - Do not hit on him. Do not touch him. - I won't. 282 00:10:26,868 --> 00:10:29,247 I mean it, he's in a very vulnerable place. 283 00:10:29,248 --> 00:10:31,382 How vulnerable? 284 00:10:31,383 --> 00:10:34,685 Meg, I do not want him mixed up in your whole mess. 285 00:10:34,686 --> 00:10:37,455 - I am not a mess. - What's in the coffee cup? 286 00:10:37,456 --> 00:10:39,190 Coffee. 287 00:10:39,191 --> 00:10:40,558 Try again. 288 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:41,926 Wine. 289 00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:43,061 Thank you. 290 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,512 Hey. Where's Grace? 291 00:10:49,513 --> 00:10:51,569 Ah, she insisted on staying home. 292 00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:53,538 Not sure what's going on with her lately, 293 00:10:53,539 --> 00:10:55,773 but just trying to give her a little space. 294 00:10:55,774 --> 00:10:57,319 Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that, man. 295 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,545 I was a bit of a loner myself when I was her age. 296 00:10:59,546 --> 00:11:02,155 You know, but luckily, I found speed metal, 297 00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:04,624 started getting high, and a whole new world of colors 298 00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:05,658 opened up to me. 299 00:11:05,659 --> 00:11:08,194 - What? - Oh, but don't worry, Wade. 300 00:11:08,195 --> 00:11:10,163 - She's nothing like him. - Oh, no, no. Not at all. 301 00:11:10,164 --> 00:11:11,422 That's not what I was saying. 302 00:11:11,423 --> 00:11:13,982 Hey, guys. Hey, Wade. 303 00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,768 Uh, you remember my sister Meg. 304 00:11:15,769 --> 00:11:17,101 She was at the game today. 305 00:11:17,102 --> 00:11:19,394 Yeah, yeah, Meg. Hey, how you doing? 306 00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:22,755 I'm fine. So fine. 307 00:11:22,756 --> 00:11:24,080 Natalie, 308 00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:25,982 check me out. 309 00:11:28,081 --> 00:11:32,618 These things are so hot they're illegal in ten states. 310 00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:36,189 Are you crying? 311 00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:39,058 No. I'm cool. 312 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:44,645 Wade, honey, I'm on all the dating sites. 313 00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:46,900 I know what's what, okay? And I'll tell you something. 314 00:11:46,901 --> 00:11:48,772 These women aren't just sitting by the phone 315 00:11:48,773 --> 00:11:51,004 waiting for a Prince Charming to call. Okay? 316 00:11:51,005 --> 00:11:52,908 Men are a commodity. Trust me. 317 00:11:52,909 --> 00:11:54,862 I'm dating three guys right now. 318 00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:56,176 Bread-crumbing another. 319 00:11:56,177 --> 00:11:58,411 And this guy that I Caspered four guys ago 320 00:11:58,412 --> 00:12:00,380 is orbiting me. 321 00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:01,848 I'm sorry. 322 00:12:01,849 --> 00:12:03,507 - What? - Was that even English? 323 00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:05,879 What I'm saying is don't worry, baby. 324 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,594 Just because you went on a date with someone 325 00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:09,859 does not mean you're in a relationship, okay? 326 00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:12,195 Boom. See, Wade? You better listen to Meg. 327 00:12:12,196 --> 00:12:14,394 - She knows what she's talking about. - Yeah. 328 00:12:14,395 --> 00:12:16,162 I guess it was just a couple of dates. 329 00:12:16,163 --> 00:12:18,498 - A couple? - Uh, yeah. 330 00:12:18,499 --> 00:12:19,999 That-that's not a problem, right? 331 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,292 Okay, okay, cool. 332 00:12:21,293 --> 00:12:23,436 Just as long as you cut it off before a third. 333 00:12:23,437 --> 00:12:25,538 Uh, there-there is a third. 334 00:12:25,539 --> 00:12:27,173 - Oh, boy. - Uh, she invited me to 335 00:12:27,174 --> 00:12:28,708 - her friend's play. - Ugh. 336 00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:30,642 - And you said yes? - Well, I clicked "interested" 337 00:12:30,643 --> 00:12:33,332 on Facebook, and she called me out on it, so yeah. 338 00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:34,847 Why are you Facebook friends with this woman? 339 00:12:34,848 --> 00:12:36,993 Because she asked. And she likes to play Boggle. 340 00:12:36,994 --> 00:12:38,809 Wait, you're playing Boggle with her? 341 00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:40,587 I'm sorry, I'm too late. 342 00:12:40,588 --> 00:12:42,355 - This man's in a relationship. - No. 343 00:12:42,356 --> 00:12:44,415 I-I was just trying to be nice. That's all. 344 00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:46,083 And what'd we tell you about trying to be nice? 345 00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:47,653 Okay, you were right. 346 00:12:47,654 --> 00:12:50,096 - Well, break up with her. - I can't do that. 347 00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,408 Oh, for God sakes, why not? 348 00:12:51,409 --> 00:12:53,099 Because that would leave her alone. 349 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:56,110 And that's the worst thing that you could do to somebody. 350 00:12:56,111 --> 00:12:58,805 I know, Delia. I've been through it. 351 00:12:58,806 --> 00:13:01,417 Oh, honey, don't you think you're projecting 352 00:13:01,418 --> 00:13:02,699 just a little bit here? 353 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:03,810 Yeah, this is not 354 00:13:03,811 --> 00:13:05,612 the same thing that happened to you. 355 00:13:05,613 --> 00:13:08,581 Yeah, well, maybe it's not, 356 00:13:08,582 --> 00:13:12,552 but I-I can't hurt someone like that. 357 00:13:12,553 --> 00:13:14,821 I just can't. 358 00:13:16,957 --> 00:13:19,751 No, no, no, Wade, maybe no more Boggle, though, huh? 359 00:13:19,752 --> 00:13:22,377 - No, it's Grace. - Is she okay? 360 00:13:22,378 --> 00:13:24,722 Yeah, yeah, she's fine. 361 00:13:24,723 --> 00:13:27,467 I gotta go. Her bike has a flat tire. 362 00:13:27,468 --> 00:13:29,102 Wait, I thought she was at home. 363 00:13:29,103 --> 00:13:30,336 Yeah, so did I. 364 00:13:30,337 --> 00:13:32,405 Oh, geez. 365 00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:33,520 Poor guy. 366 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,163 - Aw, he's just too nice for this world. - Yeah. 367 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,846 Ooh, I would make him so happy. 368 00:13:39,847 --> 00:13:41,105 Aw. 369 00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:42,773 Have I not been clear with you? 370 00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:47,482 Noah, did you eat your supper? 371 00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:50,218 My tummy hurts for no reason. 372 00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:54,017 Did you eat this whole bag of red-hot nonsense? 373 00:13:54,018 --> 00:13:55,423 And a whole thing of Sour Bombz. 374 00:13:55,424 --> 00:13:57,990 - They're not even sour to me. - Oh, God. 375 00:13:57,991 --> 00:13:59,224 Try to get some milk in him. 376 00:13:59,225 --> 00:14:00,426 Whichever end it comes out of, 377 00:14:00,427 --> 00:14:01,660 it is not gonna be pretty. 378 00:14:01,661 --> 00:14:02,819 Ben? 379 00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:04,253 Why does Noah keep doing that? 380 00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:05,915 Because he wants to impress you. 381 00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:07,349 Are you saying Noah likes me? 382 00:14:08,404 --> 00:14:10,462 He's, like, ten. Like, a young ten. 383 00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:12,548 Okay, he's not even thinking on that level. 384 00:14:12,549 --> 00:14:15,370 - This is a prepubescent courtship ritual. - Mm-hmm. 385 00:14:15,371 --> 00:14:16,952 - I was gonna say the same thing. - Yeah. 386 00:14:16,953 --> 00:14:19,973 - Okay, well, that is weird and gross. - Uh-huh, well, 387 00:14:19,974 --> 00:14:22,209 I hate to break it to you, but the subsequent phases 388 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,420 of male development aren't much of an improvement. 389 00:14:24,421 --> 00:14:26,050 Hey, Deels, check me out. 390 00:14:26,051 --> 00:14:28,954 I'm having a food baby. 391 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,522 Might be twins. 392 00:14:30,523 --> 00:14:32,958 Oh, good for you. 393 00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:43,197 Look, before you say anything, I was wearing my helmet. 394 00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:44,636 - That's important to remember. - Grace... 395 00:14:44,637 --> 00:14:46,138 are you out of your mind? 396 00:14:46,139 --> 00:14:48,048 Do you really think this is okay? 397 00:14:48,049 --> 00:14:50,726 Sneaking out of the house, coming downtown to do 398 00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:51,844 God knows what. 399 00:14:51,845 --> 00:14:53,946 - You won't understand, Dad. - No, 400 00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:55,214 I probably won't. 401 00:14:55,215 --> 00:14:58,650 But just for the fun of it, let's-let's try. 402 00:14:58,651 --> 00:15:01,053 I was just going to walls. 403 00:15:01,054 --> 00:15:02,454 Walls? 404 00:15:02,455 --> 00:15:03,990 For Instagram. 405 00:15:05,892 --> 00:15:08,861 - Instagram is an app. - I know that. 406 00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:11,630 It's the whole wall part that I'm not getting. 407 00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:17,223 All of this just to take your picture 408 00:15:17,224 --> 00:15:18,284 in front of a wall? 409 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,776 Come on, Grace, don't you think that's a little... 410 00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:22,276 Stupid? Yes, Dad, it's stupid. 411 00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:24,176 That's why I was trying to hide it from you. 412 00:15:24,177 --> 00:15:26,879 And, I mean, I'm sorry, it's just... 413 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,548 I mean, all the girls at my school are doing it, 414 00:15:29,549 --> 00:15:32,584 and I know I shouldn't care about that, but I do. 415 00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:34,186 And they're all getting likes. 416 00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:35,587 I want likes, too. 417 00:15:35,588 --> 00:15:37,823 I mean, I hate likes, but I still want them. 418 00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:40,883 So you're-you're doing this to be popular? 419 00:15:40,884 --> 00:15:45,164 No, no, not popular. Just... normal. 420 00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:48,555 I mean, after the past year, I just... 421 00:15:50,503 --> 00:15:52,905 I want to feel normal again. 422 00:15:55,542 --> 00:15:58,410 Yeah. Hey, come here. 423 00:16:00,747 --> 00:16:02,948 I get that. 424 00:16:04,350 --> 00:16:06,852 I'm trying to feel normal, too. 425 00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:09,221 That's why I started dating again. 426 00:16:09,222 --> 00:16:12,824 Thought it would help me get back to being myself. 427 00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:15,227 Is it working? 428 00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:17,062 No, it is not. 429 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,431 I went out with that woman a couple of times, 430 00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:21,567 and then the whole thing spiraled on me. 431 00:16:21,568 --> 00:16:24,937 I know I need to get out of it, but I can't. 432 00:16:24,938 --> 00:16:26,605 Okay, now, that's stupid. 433 00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:28,373 Well, I don't want to hurt anyone, Grace. 434 00:16:28,374 --> 00:16:29,708 Dad, if you're unhappy, 435 00:16:29,709 --> 00:16:32,444 that means Natalie and I are unhappy. 436 00:16:32,445 --> 00:16:34,413 - That hurts us. - Hmm. 437 00:16:35,481 --> 00:16:36,915 That's a good point. 438 00:16:36,916 --> 00:16:39,251 - Right? - Yeah. 439 00:16:39,252 --> 00:16:40,886 Don't call your dad stupid. 440 00:16:40,887 --> 00:16:43,355 - Sorry. - Okay. 441 00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,658 We going home? 442 00:16:46,659 --> 00:16:49,928 Uh... not yet. Come on. 443 00:16:53,552 --> 00:16:55,901 Okay, hands a little bit... Okay, a little bit... 444 00:16:55,902 --> 00:16:58,070 A little lower. Just, okay, on the string. 445 00:16:58,071 --> 00:16:59,271 Okay, all right, perfect. 446 00:16:59,272 --> 00:17:01,340 Okay, uh, carried away by mariposas! 447 00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,228 - Yes! You're welcome, - Thank you. 448 00:17:05,229 --> 00:17:06,259 you're welcome. Now, here. 449 00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,914 Uh, I want you to-to take a picture of me. 450 00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,218 - Seriously? - Oh, hell yes. Yes. 451 00:17:10,219 --> 00:17:11,883 - You don't even have an Instagram. - That's okay. 452 00:17:11,884 --> 00:17:13,498 I'm gonna use yours. Your friends are gonna love it. 453 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:14,886 - No, you're not. - Okay, ready, 454 00:17:14,887 --> 00:17:16,655 - and... - Oh, perfect. 455 00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:19,024 - Oh, my gosh. - How about this? 456 00:17:19,025 --> 00:17:20,826 One where I'm jumping. Wah! 457 00:17:20,827 --> 00:17:22,861 - Oh! With the ninja jump. Yes! - Yeah! 458 00:17:22,862 --> 00:17:24,830 All right, come on, let's go get something to eat. 459 00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:26,448 Oh, you can put these on Lizzie's Instagram. 460 00:17:26,449 --> 00:17:27,516 Uh, that's not funny. 461 00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:30,168 Ah, come on. Hey, uh, guys, guys. 462 00:17:30,169 --> 00:17:34,090 Uh, so, I've been talking to Grace, and... 463 00:17:34,091 --> 00:17:35,749 she thinks that it's time that I end 464 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,475 - this thing with Lizzie. - Oh, wow. What a great idea. 465 00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:39,240 We've been telling you this from the beginning. 466 00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:40,966 Why are you just now getting it? 467 00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:42,948 Look, however you got there, great. 468 00:17:42,949 --> 00:17:44,816 Oh, I felt a kick. 469 00:17:44,817 --> 00:17:47,361 - You got this, buddy? - Yeah. 470 00:17:47,362 --> 00:17:48,887 Yes, yes. Uh... 471 00:17:48,888 --> 00:17:50,222 Dear Lizzie... 472 00:17:50,223 --> 00:17:51,825 - You don't write "dear" in a text. - I know. 473 00:17:51,826 --> 00:17:54,958 I'm nervous. Hey, Lizzie, 474 00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:56,161 how are you? 475 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,469 I hope that your rabbit is feeling better. 476 00:17:58,470 --> 00:17:59,728 Cut to the chase, Wade. 477 00:17:59,729 --> 00:18:01,816 Let me do it for you. Watch this. Check this out. 478 00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:04,136 All right, um, dictation. 479 00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:07,658 Lizzie, it's Wade. Regarding our recent dates, 480 00:18:07,659 --> 00:18:09,831 I regret to inform you that we're done. 481 00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:12,620 Good luck in your future romantic ventures. 482 00:18:12,621 --> 00:18:13,912 Boom. 483 00:18:13,913 --> 00:18:17,904 Lizzie in suede regarding your resin days arigato 484 00:18:17,905 --> 00:18:20,584 inform you that weird one good luck in your foot 485 00:18:20,585 --> 00:18:22,535 your old robotic features. 486 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,227 - I don't hate that. - You know what? 487 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,258 I can do this. I just have to do it my way. 488 00:18:26,259 --> 00:18:27,859 - Okay? All right. Okay. Okay. - Okay. 489 00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:29,384 Oh, I hate to see him go, 490 00:18:29,385 --> 00:18:31,157 but I love to watch him walk away. 491 00:18:31,158 --> 00:18:33,441 Well, Noah's feeling better, 492 00:18:33,442 --> 00:18:35,677 but now he's bragging he's gonna eat expired yogurt. 493 00:18:35,678 --> 00:18:37,712 He's trying to impress her. 494 00:18:37,713 --> 00:18:40,973 I'm doing it. 495 00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:42,583 I'm really gonna do it. 496 00:18:42,584 --> 00:18:45,302 Aw, look at my little man. 497 00:18:45,303 --> 00:18:47,855 He's got game, just like his daddy. 498 00:18:47,856 --> 00:18:49,190 Chobani today, 499 00:18:49,191 --> 00:18:52,028 - Cristal tomorrow. - That's right. 500 00:18:54,771 --> 00:18:56,442 "But please understand that my intention 501 00:18:56,443 --> 00:18:57,897 was never to hurt you. 502 00:18:57,898 --> 00:18:59,698 And while you undoubtedly 503 00:18:59,699 --> 00:19:01,582 will make some lucky man very, very happy, 504 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:04,673 I'm afraid that that man can't be me. So... 505 00:19:04,674 --> 00:19:06,547 thank you for everything, and I hope 506 00:19:06,548 --> 00:19:08,174 that we can still play Boggle." 507 00:19:08,175 --> 00:19:09,570 - No, you can't. - Delete that. 508 00:19:09,571 --> 00:19:10,728 "Best wishes. 509 00:19:10,729 --> 00:19:12,754 May the wind always be at your back. 510 00:19:12,755 --> 00:19:15,514 - Hmm. - Fondly, Wade F." 511 00:19:15,515 --> 00:19:17,764 Well, it's not short. 512 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:20,791 - No, it's perfect. Don't change a word. - Send it. 513 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:21,886 Just send it. 514 00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:22,979 - Yeah. - Okay. 515 00:19:24,114 --> 00:19:25,357 Okay, it's done. I sent it. 516 00:19:25,358 --> 00:19:27,258 - All right. - Thanks, guys. 517 00:19:27,259 --> 00:19:30,586 - You're welcome. - Oh, oh, oh, we got dots. She's writing back. 518 00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:34,284 Broken heart, broken heart, 519 00:19:34,285 --> 00:19:36,544 broken heart. "I'm crushed"? 520 00:19:36,545 --> 00:19:38,670 Oh, my God, what have I done? 521 00:19:38,671 --> 00:19:40,406 What have I done? You people are monsters! 522 00:19:40,407 --> 00:19:42,474 Then your daughter's the monster. It was Grace's idea. 523 00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:43,535 Forrest! 524 00:19:43,536 --> 00:19:45,444 Did you just throw a child under the bus? 525 00:19:46,613 --> 00:19:47,962 Wait, hold up. 526 00:19:47,963 --> 00:19:49,215 We got more dots. 527 00:19:49,216 --> 00:19:51,877 Uh... "JK. LOL. 528 00:19:51,878 --> 00:19:53,518 - Just messing with you. - Oh, God. 529 00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,178 I'm on a date right now. 530 00:19:55,179 --> 00:19:57,171 - Call me if you ever want to bone sometime." - Wow. Well... 531 00:19:57,172 --> 00:19:58,396 - Oh. - Whoa. 532 00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,025 That's rather forward. 533 00:20:00,026 --> 00:20:01,694 Wow. So that's... 534 00:20:01,695 --> 00:20:02,995 - that's it. - Mm-hmm. 535 00:20:02,996 --> 00:20:05,001 She's fine. Lizzie is... she's fine, right? 536 00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:06,699 - That's what it sounds like. - Oh, yeah, okay. All right, she's fine. 537 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,025 I think everything is better than fine, man. 538 00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:11,237 You're free, and you got a bone in your back pocket. 539 00:20:11,238 --> 00:20:12,538 - Not bad. - So that's good. 540 00:20:12,539 --> 00:20:13,923 - There you go. - That's not bad. 541 00:20:13,924 --> 00:20:15,615 Whoo! We call that the win-win. 542 00:20:15,616 --> 00:20:17,910 Wait a minute, Wade, you got another text coming in. 543 00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:21,128 Oh, don't read the man's texts. 544 00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:25,457 Apparently, he has two bones in his back pocket. 545 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:27,192 Meg... 546 00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,285 - I am very flattered. - Do not talk to her. 547 00:20:29,286 --> 00:20:33,080 Man, she will tear your pants right off. 548 00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:35,048 Look forward, Wade. 549 00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:39,592 Watch The Good Place, all new next on Global.39557

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.