Original subtitles

"Oh God, to You we awaken, with You we fall asleep,

with You we live, with You we die and to You we return."

Fine, whatever, shit happens. I'm leaving now anyway.

Meet me there. They won't let me in with the baby.

Bye.

Wait, please!

The French Road?

Good luck to everyone taking the high school exams today.

I know it's a tough day, that'll define your future.

But try not to stress out. Stress is the hardest part.

I mean you've being preparing for this all year long so…

Can you hold her for me, please, sheikh?

In the name of God.

Don't throw all your efforts away being stressed. Best of luck!

I'm sure you're all going to get excellent grades.

Lord have mercy!

Is your mom's bag devoid of any virtue?

Maybe a hairpin or something?

Goddam it!

Take her back, lady.

She did a number on me! Take her back!

Alright, hold on.

Hold on?

It seeped through her blanket. I'm all wet!

What did you feed her, cane juice?

- It's ok. Sorry. - It's ok? Really? Lord have mercy!

Hold on to these prayers, bro. I can't keep them, I'm not clean.

- God help us all, lady! - I said sorry, enough already!

You have some gall talking to me like that!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

You never wet yourself when you were a kid?

Why are you changing the subject? Keep your tongue in your mouth!

Leave my tongue alone, you don't want a taste of it! It can hurt you bad!

Guys, let's cool it, ok? Calm down.

I'm letting you off the hook, just cos you're a woman.

Don't let me off the hook. Speak up.

I'll throw my shoe in your face, you and your whole family!

You insult my family?

Of course,

I can't talk about yours, cos you don't have any or they'd…

Shut up, you stupid jerk! I'll show…

Get out lady, please. This is too much. He's done nothing to you.

- I'm not getting out! - Please lady, get out, we're late.

Come on lady, we've got places to go.

Shut up, all of you! Mind your own business!

Let's go, driver!

No, I'm not going anywhere.

Listen, driver.

Do you like to party?

Come, anytime. Food and drinks on me.

Such a cheap shot!

PARTY WITH DJ

What are you waiting for?

You're such a lowlife!

Give me my change back! Give me my change!

But I didn't want cheese and cold cuts.

I wanted Falafel, aged cheese and pickled tomatoes.

Sure, son. I'll get you everything you want, darling.

What's that? Why do you have a calculator?

I might need it.

For an Arabic exam? Lord have mercy!

Fine, we're good.

Listen, do not take this bandage off.

- Understood? - Understood.

I won't take it off, so nobody sees the earbud I cheat with.

Shut your mouth! Don't blow it!

You're going to cost me my Mayorship, Helela!

No, I'll graduate high school and you won't lose your Mayorship.

Even if I don't get my high school diploma,

I still have my vaccine certificate.

The only certificate you'll get is…

your mom's death certificate! I'm gonna kill her because of you!

You're just like her!

- Orabi! - Yes, Mr. Mayor?

- Keep checking on the boy! - I will.

You can't mess up.

There's only two exams today. Two!

Sure, but I'm not supervising Helela's exam.

Not my problem! You can supervise a high voltage cable, for all I care!

- Sure. - Do your thing and I'll do mine.

- Yes, Mr. Mayor! - Get it done, Orabi!

- Yes, yes, Mr. Mayor! - Or else you know what'll happ…

No, no, please!

I'll make you ride a cow upside down!

- No, please, Mr. Mayor! I'll do it! - Take care of Helela!

Yes, I will, I will!

Go now, Helela. God be with you. Go on now, darling.

- The biggest star of all time! - Are you kidding me?

I'm sorry ma'am. I got a flat tire, had to replace it.

Whatever, stop blabbering.

- Keep her around the AC. - I sure will.

The bottle's in the bag, if she gets hungry.

Ok.

She better not be crying when I come out. Get out of here!

Good luck, ma'am! Don't worry, I'll take care of her.

You really thought you could get away from me?

Follow us on your own two feet or we'll take you on your back!

- Let me go! - You better listen, girl!

- Come here! - Let me go!

What the hell is going on here?

I'm her brother, officer, and this is her fiancé.

She's taking this exam without our consent!

Sir, I'm a homeschooler! I'm here for the exam. Here's my seat number!

So what's your problem then?

The thing is, sir, her fiancé wants her to be a stay-at-home mom.

- That's just his mentality, sir. - Keep your family issues at home.

People are taking exams here.

Only students are allowed. Are you students?

Yes, we are.

They're lying, sir! They can't even read!

Try reading this word!

Government.

- Government? - The ministry of Interior.

He means the one below.

The one below? Get the hell out of here!

Come on, let's go!

Go ahead Miss. Take your exam, don't worry about them. Go.

Get out of here!

I'll be right here! You're bound to come out!

Don't you dare threaten her! I'll throw you in jail! Leave!

SIGN: CONSERVE WATER; IT IS THE SECRET OF LIFE

HIGH SCHOOL FINAL

Turn your papers over!

Don't you dare cheat! Let's try to have a nice day!

Starting the signal.

Yes, Helela, my darling boy. Help us, please God!

How's it going, chief? Did you find Mr. Abdel Bari?

He's supervising an exam in Bassous.

What the hell! Goddam you and your guards!

Don't worry, Mr. Mayor, I took care of it!

Took care of it? What did you do?

Come out Mr. Dardiri.

Mr. Dardiri's a master Arabic teacher.

So glad to meet you Mr. Dardiri!

I won't partake in cheating, Mr. Mayor!

Cheating is a sin and I only fear my creator!

God bless you. Fear your creator, but fear the chief too.

Only my creator, Mr. Mayor.

If you think you can threaten me,

my family will fight for me!

As you wish, Mr. Dardiri. Take Mr. Dardiri, chief.

Get him settled, take good care of him.

- Please, Mr. Dardiri, go with him. - I'm not going anywhere.

- I'm not doing anything! - Come with me, Mr. Dardiri.

- I'll explain everything. - I'm not going anywhere!

We'll do whatever you want.

Mister, can you please hand me this eraser?

Put your jacket back on!

It's so hot. I can't stand my clothes.

Listen here, this stuff doesn't work with me!

Look at your paper!

Look at your paper!

Tell me the questions, son.

Ow! I won't shut up!

Ex… Ex… Ex… Exma…

Exma…?

Exma…

Looks like a tough exam.

Does the word end with an M?

How did you know?

- Are you here in the classroom? - Goddam you and your mother!

You can't read the word 'Exam'?

How are you going to read the rest of the questions?

I'll whisper, like we agreed.

Listen, Helela. Tell the supervisor to read you the 1st question.

- No way. - I'm telling you, make him read

the 1st question! He knows, just tell him!

Mister! Mister!

Yes, son?

I need you to read the 1st question.

You're graduating high school and you can't read?

The print is bad.

I'll read the questions one time

and that's it!

So you all better listen.

Listen.

First of all, rhetoric.

Peace be unto you. I'm here for the exam.

Fine.

- Seat number and ID. - Sure.

You can sit over there. Let's go.

Oh no, not you again.

Shut the hell up!

- Here you go. - Thank you.

The Most High said: "If two groups of believers fight each other,

- then make peace between them..." - Goodness me!

We have to write about the Koran?

- Why, are you a Christian sheikh? - Shut up!

What's going on? You don't like the exam?

Rhetoric in the Koran and Hadiths.

Grammar in the Prophetic Biography.

No hymns? No "Struggle of Thebes"?

Nope.

- Alright, the question says… - Mister! Can I go to the bathroom?

You saw the questions and now want to go to the bathroom?

I don't think so, boy!

I don't play these games! You can't fool me!

Look at your paper!

What does the Most High say in Surah Al Bayyinah…

- Sir! Sir! - What?

Can you please come closer? Please, it's personal.

So, what do you want?

I'm not pure.

What the hell, son? Don't talk about yourself like that!

I don't mean in general. On my way here, a kid did it to me.

- Did it to you? - Yes, did it to me.

- Did what to you? - I mean she pi… Pissed on me.

Well, why didn't you say so?

I'm telling you sir. I can't hold this paper, with God's words on it,

I'm not clean.

I'm asking you to go wash up and come back.

- Please, for God's sake. - My man! My man!

- What? - My hair's grown white supervising

these exams.

Do not think you can pull the wool over my eyes!

Please, sir.

Look at your paper!

I've read the questions.

If you're able to answer, good for you, it's a free country.

Goddam you, woman. Goddam you!

The exam's so easy, like water flow.

Just the first question, kid! At least, you'll get a D.

Aaaa… Aaaa…

- Awash? - No, not awash. Not awash.

- Aaaa… Aaa… - Awake?

What are you talking about?

Boy! The day's almost over and you're just sitting there barking!

I'm about to get a heart attack!

I can't hear you. I can't hear.

Listen, son.

Put your hand in the bandage and turn the volume up.

It's a small button.

Come on, kid. Do it already! Come on, be done with it, son!

I'm about to pass out, son!

Aaaa…

Abu Hurayra, may Allah be pleased with him, said…

- Come on, tell him. Tell him. - Helela! Boy!

Tell who?

The voice coming out of your head.

He got caught! I'm going to lose my Mayorship!

- Take off this turban! - It's not a turban!

- Take it off! - I have a brain injury.

- Yeah, I want to see your brain! - Please, don't!

The doctor said my brain can't be exposed to humidity!

I'll give you humidity!

Please, you can't! Leave my brain alone!

- I want to see your cracked skull! - But you can't!

Get your hands off! Let me see. What's that?

- An earbud, boy? - It's not mine.

I just got it out of your left middle ear.

I thought it was the right one.

Where's the phone? Show it to me.

I don't have a phone, I swear to God.

The earbud is connected to the watch.

I'm no fool.

Alright. Yes, hello? I'm the supervisor, who's speaking?

I'm the mayor. Abdel Rehim Beaela.

- Mayor of Salaka. - I can't hear you.

You can turn the volume up. Take this as well.

Sir, I'm Abdel Rehim Beaela! Mayor of Salaka!

If my son did something wrong, I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.

No, don't worry. I'll take care of that.

Ok, sir. You applied for a piece of land, haven't you?

If Helela passes the exam, it's yours.

Oh, a bribe then?

A bribe? Course not.

It's just an empty land, you can have it.

I could've forgiven your son.

But because of what you just said,

I swear to God, I'll report him for cheating!

Listen here, Mr. Saad Abdel Ghany Hefnawy!

You were saved from Covid by putting a tube in your throat.

But I swear on my wife's head, if Helela fails,

you'll be sorry you were born!

And I'll kill you cows, poison your crop!

I'm going to call the cops on you!

Do it. And you'll find your stupid son drowned in the river!

Are you threatening my son?

If you harm my son, I'll harm yours!

Not my son, Mayor! Not my son!

You're abusing your power to hurt poor people!

God Almighty is the most powerful!

God is more powerful than you! He'll punish you and your son!

Sufficient for us is Allah! And He is the best Disposer of affairs!

Oh my God!

- Mister… Mister… - Oh my God. Mister! Mister!

Try to pick him up!

Stay back. He needs some air!

Lord have mercy!

What did you do to this poor man?

We need a doctor! A doctor!

Get away from him! He's turning blue! What are you doing?

I'm sucking the air out of him.

You just sucked the life out of him!

Did you take his throat whistle?

The man is dead.

- Oh my God. - He's dead?

He died because of me. I killed him!

I told you I wasn't clean, you didn't believe me!

- Goddam you, woman! - Me? Why me?

- It's your fault! Get away from me! - Just take it easy, man!

- I'm going to tell them he's dead. - Wait a second, come back!

Get your hands off me. Don't touch me!

Wait a second. Hold it.

We can use this to our advantage. Let's think about it.

Our advantage? Think about what?

I think we should write all the answers before reporting this.

What? Who does this?

You've no conscience! You didn't even study?

The guy's dead. Nothing can hurt him anymore.

What are you taking about? How about some respect for the dead?

Move! Don't touch me! I don't allow women to touch me!

Ok, I'll touch you. Calm down, for God's… mercy.

Listen, it's so messed up, we need to vote.

What are you even saying? Let go of me!

Let's take everyone's opinion.

Who wants to answer first and then report later?

Ok, who wants to report first and then answer later?

It's over, man. It's done!

Get off me, man!

Listen to me, listen to me everybody!

You're like my children. I'm the oldest one here,

I've seen it all.

Do the right thing, even when it's hard.

Or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!

God bless you!

- We answer first and report later. - Goddam you!

I get 760 pounds more if I graduate high school.

- Are you willing to pay me? - Let me report his death, guys!

We're going to burn in hell! Can't you see that?

Listen, you! One more step and I'll hug you!

Get back here or I'll break your face.

By Ashraf from Dandana,

anyone comes near this door,

they'll be as dead as this good old man.

But before killing them, I'll stick their guts to the blackboard.

I don't understand what you're saying.

But I guess it does sound scary.

Let's do the right thing, for God's sake.

I do everything wrong, for God's sake.

That's what you call a challenge.

TEAMWORK IS THE BEGINNING OF EVERY ACHIEVEMENT

He wanted us to answer the questions.

He's gonna have to answer now.

Rest in peace, Mr. Saad.

May God have mercy on him.

You deserve a better end than this.

You lived an honorable life and you died a martyr of cheating,

treachery and treason…

Shut the hell up, man. I'll show you what real martyrdom looks like.

Come on everyone, get back to your desks.

Let's go, sweetie. Yeah, move faster.

Move, I haven't seen a woman for seven months now.

- Where do you think you're going? - What? I'm going to sit in my place.

You'll sit next to me, the class prefect.

Move it, boy! Move!

What's happening, Mahrous?

The other supervisor looks busy with his class.

- How about the Principal? - I haven't seen him yet.

Alright, keep on the lookout.

Don't worry about him. He's looking.

Let's keep our voices down. Who's got the answer to the 1st question?

Let's go.

Nope. This is no driving test.

And even if it were, give us a signal. Anyone?

What the hell? Ok, forget the 1st answer.

Give us any answer. Any answer!

The prince of Poets is Ahmed Shawqi.

The prince of Poets is… Ahmed Shawqi.

What the heck? There's no question about this in here.

Well, you said to give any answer.

Not any answer in the world!

Any answer in the exam, not in the world!

Guys, this silence is getting spooky.

I mean, anyone? Say something.

I don't have the answer to any of these questions.

But I can help.

Wow, there's a whole world under this dress. Come with me.

What, why? Stop dragging me.

- Come here. Come. - Where?

What's all this?

Are you taking an exam or trying to evade customs?

Goodness me!

- Here look in these, girl. - Wow.

And you Harry Potter, look in those.

That's French.

Physics.

Geography.

Story of my life by Hassan Lasmar.

I swear to God, I'll curse you on Judgment Day, every last one of you!

Everyone by name. I'll get your names off your papers.

And I'll tell everything. And I'll expand on it.

Yeah and what good is it going to do you?

- Come here, man. Help us look. - You want me to help you cheat!

Sit down or I'll pick every hair on your beard! Sit down and look!

Are you sure you have the Arabic book?

My son might've stuck it to my blue dress, for the mechanics exam.

Couldn't you just stick to one dress, for all the exams?

Okay, wait. I might have something else.

I actually think memorizing is easier.

Wow. Look in those.

How can such a cute face hide so much evil?

Stop it. Here, look in those.

For heaven's sake! Put that out, girl!

Come on, man. I need some stress relief.

Stress relief? Put it out, goddam it! It's going to stink to high heaven,

they'll come and find the dead body! Put it out, now!

- Ok, I'll go smoke out the window. - Stop it, girl. They'll smell us!

- Throw it away! - Fine, I'll throw it.

Belly dancers!

- What are you doing? - Get off me! Don't touch me.

- What are you holding there? - Don't touch me.

Ibn Hanbal says not to. Get away from me!

Haggag, come here! This guy's holding something.

- I'm not holding anything. - Come here, you!

- I have nothing. - Come here!

Cheating is a sin. You'll burn in hell!

I've cheated before and I didn't get burned.

Well, it's not instantaneous.

Yes, it is. My aunt got burned before.

- See? - Was she cheating?

No, she was cooking.

- She was cooking? You moron! - Cooking, really?

And you, stop it! Stop it now! I'll kill your mother!

Ok, ok I'll tell you everything!

Oh my God! He swallowed the cheat sheet!

I thought cheating burns? Is your tongue burning now?

- I'm not scared of you, Haggag! - Oh my god! Oh my god!

Don't think I'll change my mind cos you're beating me up!

Say your last prayer!

No, you can't kill him. We've already got a dead body.

What's all this about?

- He swallowed the cheat sheet! - What for?

What for? You total freaking moron!

- The supervisor is dead! - Oh my God!

IT'S TIME FOR THE WEAPONS TO FALL SILENT AND FOR THE PEOPLE TO SPEAK

I won't talk to you until Judgment Day.

I'll go to your funerals and hide all the water.

No one will be able to drink and they'll curse you.

It's time to shut up, son. You talk too much.

I don't know why you insist on us going to hell.

You'll get a bonus or what?

Stop blabbering.

What? Why are you insulting my mom? Do you even know her?

Fine, I'll deal with you after the exam.

After the exam. Let's go!

Get back to your desks.

Come on, lady, let's go. Hurry up!

Let's go! Look, you bunch of retards!

You might not have the answers, but maybe a hint?

Ok, maybe not a hint. If you even think you recognize a word, say it!

Guys, the silence is killing me.

Someone break the silence with anything!

What's that? What's that sound?

Who's got a mobile phone?

Who's got a mobile phone?

Helela, don't tell me you have a phone, you blockhead?

I have one.

You absolute dimwit! Man! Where is it?

Back home, it's charging.

I couldn't bring it…

Not one more word out of you, till the exam is over!

Or I'll break this empty shell of yours!

Let him go. Let's find this phone.

When the exam is over, my dad will throw in jail.

Does he think I'm wearing a Judo suit?

You girl, is it your mobile phone?

Ouch, my ear! Why did I put it there?

God is great! We have a phone!

Yes, well I don't care.

Selim has to pass the Arabic exam to get into college here.

Oh really? So it's my fault he can't write 'In the Name of God'

Sorry but it's your fault too. Bye!

- Who is this? - Guess who?

- Helela! - How did you recognize my voice?

Your voice? Come on, give him the questions!

Ok, you need to know that the supervisor is dead.

The homeschoolers supervisor is dead?

Ok, listen Helela, tell me the 1st question, quick!

Our plan was working fine. But when the supervisor caught me

and you threatened him, he got mad.

He started breaking the watch.

Come on, son. Be done with it already.

Get to the point! Tell him what you need.

I need a new watch, to replace the broken one.

Tell him what you need for the exam! Not what you need in life! The exam!

Don't be a moron, Helela. Get it together.

- Come on now, Helela! - You're stressing me out. I'm done.

Yes, Mr. Mayor. Here are the questions, write them down.

The first question says… Let go of the paper!

Yes Mr. Mayor. The first question says:

Extract from the holy Ayah the following…

Just a second, I'll dictate the Ayah to you.

Mr. Mayor? Hello? Mr. Mayor?

Well, if you knew the Ayah by heart…

I'm supposed to know the Ayah!

I'm going to break this phone on your head!

- Are your dad and mom relatives? - Yes, they're married.

So they are relatives!

They are relatives! That explains everything! They're related.

Of course they are! Course they are!

Does anyone have a charger for this?

Your silence says it all. But you could just say no.

Say no, it's ok.

Look, there's all kinds of people here.

I'm sure someone has studied something!

If not, what are you doing here?

- We're taking the exam. - Were you born premature, kid?

Stop talking, everyone's shutting it! Why are you talking?

- Well, you asked. - Shut up!

Look, I'm positive one of you knows the answers.

Get me everyone's papers! Get moving, girl!

Get all the papers here, next to the blackboard!

Come on, let's go!

Who's Zainab?

Calm down. You'll remember everything, I swear.

No, I can't remember. Not one word.

It's like my brain's been wiped out.

Don't worry about it.

Say the prayer of remembrance. You'll remember everything.

- Say after me… Oh God… - Oh God…

What was it again?

Oh yeah.

Oh God, I have fasted for You and I break my fast with Your provision.

- Say it 3 ti… - Bro!

Not just any prayer! That's the breaking the fast prayer.

The other one is to remember.

Well, when I break my fast, I start to remember.

It's ok, honey. What seems to be the problem?

My brother's waiting for me downstairs.

He wants to kill me!

Is he one of the two guys the cop detained down there?

Well, after you left he arrested them, cos they cussed him out.

He took them to jail.

- Really? - I swear by Ashraf Rua of Dandana.

Come on, try and concentrate. You'll be able to answer everything.

We'll become engineers and doctors, thanks to you.

- Think you look like a doctor? - No, like an engineer.

The type of...

Surah Al Bakk…

He's a rotten liar. I'm the last one who got here.

I saw you brother with this freaky guy.

They looked angry as hell. They were waiting for you.

They said: "We need her down here".

I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.

What the heck? What are you doing?

That'll teach you to take the tape off.

Haggag! Oh God, please kill me!

Kill me! I'll say sorry to the tape!

Don't worry, son. My socks are clean.

Clean! They stink, even before you took your shoes off!

- Stop it, man. - Kill me, please! Don't do this!

I only wore them yesterday.

Come on, come on. That's it. Shut up, you prick.

Listen, big guy. If I hear you as much as breathe,

I'll write my name on your face. And then I'll…

What the hell is this stench, lady?

Your feet smell like the sewers. Goddam!

So you're all dolled up for the exam,

but you're wearing old socks? Like ancient earrings?

Why does it smell so fishy?

Maybe she's got a fish in her toes?

A fish? There's a whole school of fish in her sock!

Wash your feet, lady. They say heaven is under the feet of mothers.

I swear to God, if that's heaven, I want to go to hell!

Ok, let's commit sins.

The Principal is coming! He's coming!

What are we going to do about the body?

What are we going to do about 'too late'?

- Ragaa El Sergany, PhD in dentistry. - Mayor Abdel Rehim Beaela.

Mayor of Salaka.

Glad to meet you. Sayed El Awady.

Ms. Faten's agent.

- The belly dancer? - Yes.

Dirty.

Ok, get the earbuds from someone else!

No, no. Chill out, Sayed!

- You have earbuds? - Yes.

Well, take it easy then, Sayed!

Nope, you're not just insulting me,

you're insulting the entire art scene!

I'm sorry, man and the entire art scene.

- Come on, have a seat. - God help us all!

Sit down. Don't be so touchy, Sayed, sit down!

Don't be so uptight! Have a drink.

All the kids are taking the homeschoolers exam.

We should be putting our heads together, helping them.

So they can pass the exam. Come on!

Is everything alright, Mr. Saad?

Mr. Princip…

Go ahead, tell him. This time you'll get Helela's undies.

What's going on?

I just wanted to ask if I could leave before the end.

Of course he can. But he needs to be paroled, right?

What's this? Do you think you're funny?

Mr. Saad, a little discipline!

You can't leave until the exam is over.

But I think Mr. Saad is… tired!

Maybe you should check on him.

Mr. Saad, do you need to be replaced?

You're ok?

So why aren't you talking?

Well, check on him, don't just stay out there… Ah!

Oh, your throat? You'll be fine.

You little prick! You almost killed me!

- Mr. Shaaban! Mr. Shaaban! - Again?

Helela! Give me your sweet undies!

It's too hot for the baby. Go sit under the fan, quick!

Get the evidence out, chief!

- Let me kiss your hand! - God help us all!

What's wrong with this guy?

Nothing. A small accident,

- got hit by a train. - Oh my god!

But he's fine. Don't worry about it.

No, no! He needs to go to the hospital, now!

The hospital, doctor?

He's an Arabic teacher, if he leaves the kids will flunk.

- He's going to help them? - Course he will.

- So tell me, Mr. Dardiri. - Yes, yes, what?

How's your family doing?

I don't have a family.

Ok, and how about cheating?

It's absolutely fine. No doubt about it.

May God have mercy on you. God bless you!

Bless me even more?

What do you think of Helela's undies?

You should be thankful I didn't tie the crotch around your mouth.

Where it's full of germs.

Don't cry now.

I don't want a single tear on his undies, I'm glad they're finally dry.

Can you say Helela's undies are dry, or not so dry?

Faten, Haggag, come here, look!

There this guy who got 92%, he looks like this nerd over there.

Get up, boy. Get the hell up.

Try opening your mouth, this time I'll make you swallow…

What can I swallow that's even filthier than what I already swallowed?

You stink!

That's just because I'm stressed out.

That's just one idea. I can do way more bad things to you.

"Abdel Hamid Mohamed Abdel Kader, 92%."

So you get 92% and you won't let us cheat?

Maybe it's a guy that looks just like me.

And the name looks just like yours too?

I've been arrested 8 times but I got convicted only once. Know why?

- Why? Because you pray. - No, it's not because I pray, you…

You had a good lawyer.

No, I didn't have a good lawyer, I…

- Because you'd brought… - Let me say it!

- Let me say why I got arrested. - Say it.

Because I'm a good liar. And a good liar recognizes another liar.

Is this you or not?

It's me.

Glad to meet you, you legend! You Apache!

Get Helela's undies away from me.

I want to forget them.

Sure thing. Helela, take those but don't put them back on.

- We'll stuff them in his mouth. - Yuck!

I hope you're not mad at me, Mr. Abdel Hamid.

I was a bit rough with you. I only did it for your best interest.

You're such a nerd. You got 92% and you're taking the exam again?

It's a free country, lady. I want to be an engineer.

What's it to you, you batshit old woman?

He's an engineer. That's how his brains work.

Alright, sir. Let's start. Get your paper ready, everyone.

Let's go. First question.

- No! No! - What?

I won't accept this kind of silence while you're here! Let's go!

Let's go?

This paper right here. Fill it up.

Come on write, son, so we can cheat. God bless you.

If you help us all pass, God will bless you even more.

Where did you learn religion? In Circle K?

I can't let you cheat. I can't even do my own exam.

I need to… I need to be purified.

Have you not been circumcised yet?

Write up man, I'll circumcise you later, no surgery, no pain.

What are you guys talking about?

I want to do my ablutions, not get circumcised.

The lady's baby peed on me.

I'm so sorry, bro. She's just a kid, she doesn't know better.

Just answer the questions, and I'll get her to say sorry.

Listen, Abdel Hamid. We've been more than patient.

You're still talking to Haggag, the student.

You don't want to meet Haggag, the convict!

If you don't start writing now,

I swear by Ashraf Rua of Dandana…

Dandana? What does it even mean?

I told you, I'm not going near God's words without doing my ablutions!

We'd all burn in hell, right here and now!

By the way, cheating is alright, if it's an emergency.

You're lying.

I studied Ibn Hanbal's books. He never said that.

Well, it's not Ibn Hanbal who said it.

- Ibn who, then? - My cousin.

Move! Your cousin! You complete knucklehead!

- I'll tell my dad! - You total fool! You absolute dork!

You're bulling me cos I have good manners!

The cops! Everybody, get down! Down!

This stone came through the window.

One of us has to go and check it out.

I'm your man. Let me do it.

Stay right here, you freaking idiot.

- Let me do it! - Shut up.

I'll do it.

This chick is the biggest let down of my life.

I'll never leave my metro seat for the likes of you again.

What's going on? Are they on to us?

I can't see anything.

So why the terror on your face?

Put your glasses on!

So, what do you see?

I see palm trees and blue skies.

And green plants.

Is she having a vision or what?

She might be dying. We'll make some room next to the supervisor.

There isn't one single normal person here? Bunch of loonies.

It's time for Helela the brave to take matters in his own hands!

- Nope. That's not happening. - What?

- Don't do it, Helela! - What?

- Don't! - What?

Helela, wait up! Don't do it! I'm begging you, Helela!

- My dad! The mayor! - Shut up!

- My dad, the mayor! - Concentrate you stupid bull!

- You son of a cow! - That stupid man…

Didn't your dad get married on his way back from Irak?

I put my dad's face in the mud!

So why are you so happy? It's not Nutella, you know!

He's my dad, not yours! Dad, the mayor! Dad, the mayor!

Where do you think you're going? Sit down.

It actually is his dad.

- Throw us the questions. - Alright!

Keep it down. Keep it down. How do we throw it to them?

- Damn it! - No, not like that!

Wait, easy now. I'll deal with it.

Settle down, Helela. Stop it, Helela.

You're going to throw all the exam papers out!

- Make my father leave. - Listen, Helela, buddy.

He should leave and come back later.

But why? Stop messing around.

- I like messing around. - Try this.

Get all the desks out of the way.

- Are you cleaning the classroom? - Shut up! Shut up!

Did anyone find my exam paper?

The one with the drawing on it?

Yes, I drew on you… On it.

It's the one that was thrown out.

Shit!

Keep going!

Stop that. Turn that thing off! What are you doing?

Making repairs. The sewers got into the drinking water!

No. You can do that later. They're in the middle of exams here.

The classrooms are on the other side, sir. They won't hear a thing.

If they complain, we'll stop right away.

Fine, but you better wrap up soon, you hear me?

Yes, Mr. Mayor. Take your time.

Even if a bomb explodes, no one will hear it.

Ok, good job.

God, we pray to you, help us please!

Here you go, Mr. Mayor.

Answer for question 1!

Helela, don't write the echo down. I know you!

I don't even know how to write it once.

- Why is there an echo? - It's reverb sound, Mr. Mayor.

Listen, boy. I don't like your belly dancing ways!

- Alright. - Get that sound fixed, now!

Okay. I'll fix the mixer.

Doc, do you know how to fix this mixer?

I'm sorry but what's your job?

I'm just an agent. I pick up the cash.

- It's written in English. - Alright, move.

Aren't you scared of the day you'll meet your creator?

Killing, cheating and thuggery during an exam?

Why not worship the sun while you're at it? Bunch of heretics!

If you take a blasphemy test, you'll get first place!

Why don't you shut your pie hole!

Shut the hell up. You keep blabbering in my ear like a freaking girl!

What the hell is a blasphemy test?

And who would get first place, out of these nut cases?

We'd end up 3rd or 4th place, even if we took the test alone!

Alright, ok. I think, we're good.

We're good to go, Mr. Mayor.

The rhetorical aesthetic feature in the sentence…

The rhetorical aesthetic feature in the sentence.

- Say something, Dardiri! Come on! - I'm not scared.

You're not scared? Get the chief.

- No, no I can't see, it's too far. - Well, look closer, then.

- Look close, and say something. - I will. I will!

The rhetorical aesthetic feature in the sentence is a metonymy.

The rhetorical aesthetic feature in the sentence is a meta-woman.

Lord have mercy!

Did they actually add that word to the dictionary?

I'm not answering you. Out of spite.

Are you talking to me, boy?

- No, not you. - To me?

Abla got married quickly to spite her ex-husband.

- Oh, she did it out of spite. - Out of spite.

The plural of the word 'Ahad'…

Write it down, Helela, my boy!

The plural of the word 'Ahad'…

- Turn the volume up. - Yes, right away, Mr. Mayor.

- The plural of the word 'Ahad' is… - Kamel!

Write it down. The plural of "Ahad" is Kamel.

I won't be part of this profanity.

But just out of curiosity, how can the plural of "Ahad" be Kamel?

Well, the masculine plural is "Salem"

so the plural of "Ahad" is Kamel.

You're right. Write what he says down.

The plural of the word "Ahad"…

I've been hit by the speaker!

The speaker! My poor Helela! You're jinxed!

- Do you have another speaker? - No.

The speakers have gone to heaven.

"Success is overcoming failure without losing your enthusiasm"

Listen bro, let's talk man to man. And without using any weapons.

You don't need to touch the paper with the Koran on it. Not at all!

We can read the questions

and you dictate the answers. What do you say?

Do you really think you can fool God?

I will not take part in anything sinful.

And being so hard on us isn't a sin?

I thought you wanted to do your ablutions and take the exam?

Even if I take a shower, I won't help you cheat.

- And please, do not talk to me. - Son, think about your future.

Do your ablutions and start the exam, don't worry about us.

You'll gang up on me and you're still going to cheat.

- Ok, look why don't… - Shut up, girl.

He doesn't want to talk to you.

I don't want to talk to you either,

she's being honest, at least. You're just weird.

God forgive you. Listen,

do your best with your own exam.

If anyone cheats, it's on them not you.

I care about you, this guy's a meanie.

Helela, you're the man of the classroom in my absence. Dominate!

If anyone talks, you know what do to, right?

I'll write their names on the blackboard.

My darling boy, if I wanted you to write their names,

I would've given you a chalk.

But I gave you a weapon, with spikes, sturdy and loved by all!

Why did I give it to you? Think a little.

I gave you this weapon for a reason. Why did I give it to you?

Well, it did surprise me.

Man, do you have "moron" written on your driver's license?

If anyone talks, hit them in the belly,

let the stick come out their backs!

- Do you hear that? - We do.

She spoke, I'm going to hit her with the stick!

Hit her? Hit her, Helela?

You just asked her a question, sweetie.

Dominate. I'll go give him a shower and come back.

There's…

What?

Someone here should take a shower too. The classroom stinks.

- Are you talking about me, boy? - I'm talking in general.

Well, generally speaking, I won't do anything about that, I'm tired.

Haggag! Let me come with you.

- I need to smoke. - Stay here, with your colleagues.

- Helela, dominate. Let's go, bro. - I have an opinion, just an opinion.

We both know that if you leave the class to Helela,

you'll come back to find a mound of bodies full of holes.

He won't go to jail, he's certifiable.

No, no, I know what I'm doing.

Believe me, you're the only one who can dominate here.

I'll go do my ablutions and be right back.

Oh really? So you can report us.

I won't report anything. What makes you say that?

Let me speak your language.

Abdel Hamid,

cheating is a sin but lying is even worse.

By God, man, were you going to report us or not?

Be honest and you'll be safe. I won't do anything to you.

To be honest, I was going to report but…

- See? - You said honesty will save me.

Well, it saved me and exposed you. Let's go!

Haggag, you're a convict! Everyone saw you with handcuffs.

If they catch us washing up, we'll get washed out!

- If what? - If they catch us washing up,

we'll get washed out!

- Should I go now? - Ok, hold on.

- Am I right? - You too, hold on.

Let me go alone, Haggag. You'll get us caught with your stupid disguise.

Stupid disguise? Keep going, boy, don't drag your feet!

Be cool, Haggag, I didn't insult you!

And I insulted you? Dragging your feet is an insult now?

Think you're fighting with Naguib Mahfouz? Keep going, man!

I'll cuss your mother out if want to. Just keep going!

- Anyone but my mother, Haggag! - Whatever, your mother, your father.

Stop right here. I'll check the stairs,

if it's all clear, you better come fast, no messing around! You hear me?

Come on, let's go! Hurry up!

Haggag said not to write names.

But I swear to God, any one of you speaks, I'll write their name.

That's how I am, I'm violent.

Haggag said no smoking!

Well. He doesn't have to know, does he?

I'm going to tell him.

I'm the mayor's son.

The mayor is coming, no one messes with the mayor.

Put this thing out.

- Just a few puffs. - Put it out!

Fine.

- Mr. Mayor… - I'll hit you!

- Your son, Helela, threw… - Stay back! I'll hurt you!

- A mandarin at me… - I'll poke you in the eye!

- Get back! Stay back! - It hit me in the chest…

- Stay back! - And everyone laughed at me…

Is it ok, mayor? No, no, no.

Just because he's the son of the mayor? No, no, no!

Is it ok, mayor? No, no, no. Just because he's the son of the mayor?

No, no, no! Can he do this to me?

Can he do this to me?

Abu Helela! What's going on?

Better look out for your son.

What did he do?

Mr. Mayor, your son, Helela…

Be quiet! Stop being silly!

Come here. There you go. A sink and running water.

You can swim your way to purity, man.

Are you blind? The tap is walled up.

- Walled up? - God doesn't want this to happen.

God! What have I ever done wrong to deserve this?

Have you ever done anything right?

- Let's go back to the classroom. - Come this way.

What? What are you doing?

There, we have a hose, man.

You can wash your head all you want.

You can wash the back of your head too.

Splash around in the water like nobody's business.

Are you nuts? This is all because one kid peed on me.

Now you want me to shower

where the whole educational system comes to pee?

I can't take a shower in a urinal!

I took 3 showers before in a urinal, it was fine.

That's because you're filthy Haggag, that's all.

Listen man, you're dragging your feet.

- I'm not dragging my feet. - I swear to God you are!

Don't swear to God in the toilets! You'll get thunderstruck!

What are you? A quality inspector?

- Fine, come here. - Where?

Here, look at this man. It's great.

You can even fix the pressure.

When it rains, it pours. You'll freshen up like nobody's business.

You want me to do my ablutions here?

Absolutely, what do you think it's made for? To wash.

Yes, wash a specific part of the body.

Man! You have 35 sources of water here.

Pick and choose, do your thing. Or I swear to God…

- Don't swear to God in the toilets. - What's it to you?

If you don't wash right now, you're dead!

After all your piousness and diligence

you're gonna die drowned in a toilet!

And then they won't even bury you. They'll just flush the toilet.

Would like this this to be your end?

Ok then, I'll check if the coast is clear.

When I come back, you better be all cleaned up. You get me?

Oh my God! We're screwed! The principal, Abdel Hamid!

- The principal… go now… - What?

Pretend to use the urinal! Act like you're urinating!

Do you take me for a fool?

Do you think I don't know what's going on here?

I have nothing to do with this. I refused from the beginning…

If you refused, why didn't you report to me?

- I tried, I tried to report… - I don't want to hear it!

I'll show you how we treat cheaters!

- A phone! - I'm sorry.

- A mobile phone, boy? - I'm so sorry!

- Please it's just… - Are you kidding me?

- It's the first and the last time - You're banned...

- ...from taking the exam! For 2 years! - I'm sorry.

I'm going to staple the exam paper to your hand!

You little cheater! Trying to cheat in the toilets!

Where did you get the phone, you champ?

You're actually cheating, bro?

Are you trying to run away from me?

Think I'm your mom, trying to give you a shower?

You saw what happened! God doesn't want this!

God is fine with it. You're the filthy one.

The principal is still there. He's going to kill us!

Come here. Get in here! Come here now!

Haggag!

I'm going to show you how it's done. Take your clothes off.

Take my clothes off? I can't take a shower in here. I'll get screwed.

I took a shower in a ladies room before, with ladies,

- I didn't get screwed. - Is this story for real?

I have the video.

That's enough, Haggag! I just want to do one good deed today.

Take a shower!

- Someone's coming! Someone's coming! - Where?

It can't possibly be that the urine on you is from a baby.

Do you rape livestock?

- Let's just turn ourselves in. - Turn ourselves in? Let's confess.

Confess to what? We didn't do anything! Take your freaking shower!

What the hell? Isn't this the ladies room?

- Or is this stuff really good? - What are you doing here?

God have mercy on me! This is so sinful!

You're such a cutie. What are you trying to do?

Trying to cover your seductive body parts?

Get the hell away from me. Don't come near me.

Keep your social distance. Face the wall.

Face the wall? Am I being punished? Why are you holding your hands up?

Weren't you supposed to take a shower? Take your clothes off.

Get your hands off me. Get away from me!

Even if I take a shower, I'll never do it in your presence.

Oh no, what the hell?

- Come on, please. I'm dying! - Sorry, I have a situation here.

Do you have a pad?

I'm constipated, I'll be here for a while.

Should I go out? Let her see you and screw you over?

- Please do. - They won't think we're cheating.

They'll think something else.

- Come on, bro. - Let go of my shirt.

- Come on! Let's go. - Let go of my shirt! Let go of me!

Leave my pants alone!

Did you ever get naked in front of a girl?

Not even in front of a guy!

The only people who're allowed to see me naked are

the vaccine doctor and my wife.

Ok, consider me your vaccine doctor. Consider me your wife.

God help me! I'd never marry someone like you.

Abdel Hamid… Faten?

How did you get out, girl? Look out, see if anyone's coming.

Faten! Faten!

What the hell? You're even dirtier than before.

Your hair's not even wet. Did you take a dry shower?

I failed.

You failed? You're not getting married,

you're taking a shower. There's no way to possibly fail.

The sewers got into the running water.

- What? - The sewers got into the running water!

Look. There you go.

I believe in you, my God.

Why Mr. Mayor?

No, no, no!

Because he's the son of the mayor?

No, no, no!

Why Mr. Mayor?

No, no, no!

- Because he's the son of… - Son of a bitch!

No, no, no!

You did that, you did that to me?

What is the wrong with you?

Get back to your seats.

I'm trying to be as discreet as hell and you throw a party here?

What's that? Come here, girl.

You gave him your scarf to tie around his waist?

And you're wearing a cap? Are you going for a swim?

- Get back to your seats! - Calm down, son. Don't be so mad.

And you, acting the decent woman.

I saw you dancing with the stick on your belly.

- And you, boy! - Don't hit me.

What happened? Didn't I tell you to dominate?

Why don't you wear a red nose and walk on your hands?

They didn't like that.

I gave you a stick, bro. I told you to hit anyone who so much as speaks.

And you go around dancing with them?

I thought I'd hold the stick from the middle.

I'll hold you from the middle, you idiot.

Sit down. Why am I even talking to you? You're useless. Sit down.

Here, take your glasses back. I've never seen glasses that stink so bad.

Do you wear them on your feet or something?

- I don't wear them around my neck. - So you put them in your socks?

And you, get oversized clothes! I've had enough of you!

- Did you have a nice shower? - I didn't take a shower. Thank God.

Faten.

Of course not.

Just give it to me. I'll deal with it.

No, the girl is too young.

Give it to me or I'll take it myself.

I only have a small one.

That's even better. Give it to me.

Here you go.

Zainab. Zainab!

Come here by the window.

- Get some fresh air. - No, I'm ok here.

Come on, girl. I'm not going to kidnap you.

You're like my little sister. Who do you think I am?

Come here. I'm not going to harm you.

I wanted to say…

Do you know this? They use it for medical purposes abroad.

- It's a sedative. - No, I don't use that stuff.

One puff. And your brother that you see that big,

will shrink and become this small.

A roach. You'll chill out, take your exam and be happy.

We'll be happy too and God will bless your life.

Yeah, that's really all we needed, in this classroom of hell.

Drug use!

Then the vicious circle will be complete.

You want to corrupt this pure, innocent girl? Goddam you!

Look, I don't know about this stuff.

If it's a sin or not. But I know a sheikh that uses it.

- What sheikh uses this stuff? - The chief, of the guards.

Why are you trying to mess with my principles?

- Why are you making me doubt? - Let me go!

Did you see how Helela's cool with it?

And Abdel Hamid is the one getting mad?

Have some. Don't put it in your mouth.

Just hold it in your hand.

You're going to go… Hold it in and count to 3…

Then you let it out. Go on, girl. Try it. Just one puff.

But God won't be pleased.

It's ok. We will all repent anyway, in the end.

I've made so many mistakes But I've repented.

It was accepted right away. The very next day.

You know what? I did repent yesterday. Just ask me.

No, I'm not putting this thing in my mouth.

- Take it easy, Zainab. - Let go of my arm!

Come on, have a smoke. You'll like it!

Stop it Haggag! She said she doesn't want to. You can't force her.

Give me the lighter!

Finally, so you do have a conscience!

Calm down, honey. Forget him.

All you have to do is take a big breath in, ok?

Damn you, woman! What the hell are you doing?

Oh my god! Sit down, sweetie. What have you done?

My God! Have a sip of water.

- In the name of God. - Good thinking, mama.

You should be ashamed of yourself, you old bat! You're too old for this!

You're the old bat.

She's going to die! We'll have another dead body in the classroom!

Shut up, boy. No one dies from a puff.

The girl can't breathe. What the hell did you do?

Well, maybe you should try breathing too.

Wow, great comebacks!

You blew it right in her face, you monster. Wow!

One more puff, Zanuba?

God is the Greatest! God is the Greatest!

I bear witness there is no God but Allah!

I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah!

Rush to prayer! Rush to Success!

The prayer has begun! The prayer has begun!

Guards! Get out of the truck!

God is the Greatest! God is the Greatest!

This way, Mr. Mayor. This way.

There is no God but Allah!

Walk a straight path and God will have mercy on you.

Stand in a straight line. Standing in a straight line.

- Is part of the prayer. - Peace be upon you!

Peace be unto you, Mr. Mayor.

If you please, the mayor wants to give a speech before the prayer.

- A speech? - Yes.

But today's not Friday. It's Monday.

- Consider it the Monday speech. - Monday?

I know.

The words of God don't need a specific day.

Don't worry about it. Sit down.

Just let it be. The mayor's about to say very important stuff.

Please Hajj. Have a seat. Please, have a seat.

Sit down, gentlemen! Sit down.

In the blessed Name of God…

I came today to talk about something very important.

We're losing the Arabic language, gentlemen.

The language of the Holy Quran. The greatest language.

I'm going to ask you a question.

A question for all of you.

What's the aesthetic meaning in the Ayah that says:

In the Name of Allah: "And He is the One Who has subjected the sea,

so from it you may eat tender seafood."

What's the aesthetic meaning? Aesthetic?

It's a metaphor as it compares the sea to a subjugated beast.

I'll tell you what it is:

It's a metaphor as it compares the sea to a subjugated beast!

Your dad is helping you cheat from the mosque?

Answer me Helela, he's helping you cheat from the mosque?

- So what's the problem? - The mosque!

- He's a low-life. - You're cheating in the mosque,

where we all pray to God?

Or maybe you can ask me: what's the plural of "Dawn"?

I'll tell you that the plural of "Dawn" is "Dawns".

The plural of "Dawn" is "Dawns", with an S!

You're just sitting there? While the mayor helps his son cheat the exam!

- What? - What?

What the hell are you saying, man? Have you lost your mind?

- You're just a big fat liar! - I'm a liar?

So what's this paper you're holding?

- That's his speech. - His speech?

- Yeah! - Oh my God, it's true!

You're helping them cheat in the mosque's microphone!

Give me the microphone, man.

- God is great! - Did you block a penalty or what?

They're beating the hell out of the mayor!

Respect the place where you stand.

- Sit. - They're beating my dad?

- Helela, sit. - It's time he knew I'm a man.

Where are you going? Where are you going?

- Let me go! - Calm down!

- Give me a knife! - Keep your voice down!

They shouldn't fight in the house of God.

Oh really? You just realized there is a God?

I've always known God, son.

You know God? How? In pagan times, they would've made an Idol of you!

- Me? - Yes, you.

All the Islamic conquests would've been to fight you!

- May God forgive you. - Yes, may God forgive me. Me!

Block all the entrances and exits!

No one leaves, until the police get here! We need to investigate this!

- Rush to prayer! - What?

Rush to success!

God is great! God is great!

There is no God but Allah!

- What are you doing? - Lead us in prayer, hajj!

What the hell are you saying?

We need to pray! Let's pray. God will show us the way! Let's go!

- Come on people, stand in line! - Stand in a straight line.

Let's pray first, we'll fight later!

- Stand in line. Stand in line. - Stand in straight lines.

Let's go, stand in line.

Walk a straight path and God will have mercy on you.

- God is great! - God is great!

I want to pray.

DRUGS BEGIN WITH CURIOSITY AND END IN SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

Hey, Zainab. I hope the joint made you feel better.

Better?

Alright, let's go. Give us the answer to any question.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for the question.

You're looking for the question in an empty copybook?

So what's the problem?

It's ok. I'll read the question.

"No one was able to get the money."

What's the plural of the word "One"?

Several "Ones".

- Oh shit! - God forgive us all.

Several "Ones" is the wrong answer. Concentrate.

What's the plural of the word "One"?

Give me the…

This?

The calculator?

- Why? - I'm adding up.

Do you get your stuff from the Bull?

- Of course not, from Ragab Al Nau. - Yeah…

The plural of the word "One" is 256.

You multiplied "One" by how much?

Zainab! The plural of the word "One" is 256?

So how much is six multiplied by "Peas"?

- Pea-sixty! - You bunch of low-lives!

The stuff is fake.

It's your fault. She can't even remember her name.

No, my name is Zainab. And these are my fingers!

I want to smoke too! I want to smoke!

Lord have mercy!

- What kind of day is this? - It's One-day!

Guys, any-One get some water for this poor girl.

Not "One" of you will go to heaven.

What?

Gather all the water bottles in this classroom.

And don't use the calculator!

Move! Move!

- Take your clothes off. - Take what off?

- Get naked. - Naked?

You can leave your cap on, if you like.

- Get naked, Haggag? - Completely naked.

What, you've committed all the sins and this is what's left?

Is this the day of "All Capital Sins"?

Can't you commit common sins? Like lying, envy, greed!

Stop yelling. You're doing too much.

Come on, take a shower with the mineral water.

Are you crazy? Get naked in front of all these people?

- Why not? - Get naked, God will help you.

God will help me get naked? That's an oxymoron.

I swear to God, I'll die before I get naked in front of you!

I get it. You're right.

Easy, Helela. It's a big bottle. Try to aim right.

- Your hand is not stable. - I'm stable,

you're splashing water everywhere.

I'm stable, go ahead… Why? Why are you splashing everywhere?

You've wasted half the bottle!

We only got this much water, out of all these bottles!

We could've filled a whole tub!

So why did you let me do it?

I'm trying to gain time!

We're on the same page. Take it easy.

Come on, Abdel Hamid. We all took our clothes off. It's your turn.

Come on, consider it your wedding day. Go ahead, God bless you.

- Everybody turn around. - Turn around. It's ok.

If anyone looks, I'll start all the way from the top, I'm warning you.

Come on everybody, turn around.

The water's too cold. No hot water?

- Of course. Helela! - I'm ready.

- No, no, that's ok. - Let's go.

I swear to God, as soon as I'm out of here,

I'll sell my land and build a mosque!

And I'll be imam of the mosque.

And I'll dedicate the morning prayer to you guys, one by one.

Forget the hypocrites, the Zionists…

Abdel Hamid! Hurry up, Abdel Hamid!

Haggag is standing in his underwear. It's no small matter, Abdel Hamid!

Hurry up or…

What the hell? You still have your clothes on?

Well, I'm starting from the bottom up.

Abdel Hamid, I've been nice to you. But I swear to God,

I'll scrub your back with my own 2 hands!

Have some patience, some patience.

- Come on man. We're cold. - Fine.

Hope you're having a nice shower, Abdel Hamid.

Sorry, no shower gel.

- So? Are you all done? - Not even close.

Not even close? Why do I hear water…

What the heck! Don't you knock before coming in!

You didn't even take your clothes off.

What did you use all this water for?

I cleaned my belly button.

Damn you and your belly button, bro!

Come on, take this freaking shower already!

- I can't! I can't! - What do you mean you can't?

- I just can't do it, guys! - What?

I don't want to displease my Lord.

Leave me alone. Let me go! Get away from me.

- I won't help you cheat Haggag! - What do you mean?

- All of that… let go of my underwear! - I swear…

- Let go of my underwear, Haggag! - Get naked.

- I've been nice to you so far… - I won't do it!

I'm going to kill you Abdel Hamid! I swear to God, I'll…

Are these drinking noises coming from here?

Yes, it's the shower water.

- Did Helela drink it? - He did.

- Swear. - I swear, he did. Look.

I can't look, Abdel Hamid, bro. I'll die.

Good for you, Helela.

Thank God for that! You can let go of me, now. Take it easy.

Kill him. It's ok.

It's ok.

- Why does he want to talk to me? - Just calm down, Mr. Kamel.

You think if you leave, I can't call the police, mayor?

Even if you leave, I'll call the police.

God damn you, wherever you go!

- Settle down, boy. - No, I'm not going to settle down!

People pay money to have connections like me, man!

- Listen to me, settle down! - Fine.

Do you want your sister back? Or you're after the whole class?

I just want my sister.

Ok, we're on the same page then. Let's shake on it.

"Zainab comes out or we report the supervisor's death"

- Zainab comes out… - Or we report the supervisor's death.

Let's go, Zainab, get your stuff. Your brother's here to pick you up.

- No, no! Please, don't! - Not my business. He's your brother.

- You can go to hell, both of you. - Get back, you stupid prick!

Let's go, Zainab!

Ok, I remember now. I'll give you all the answers!

Even if you do, your brother will report us. Come on Zainab!

- Let's go! - Leave her alone, Haggag.

- She's not going anywhere! - You stay out of this!

- I said she's not going anywhere! - Don't mess with me, girl!

- Let's g… - Do not put your hands on a woman!

You uneducated, ignorant thug!

If your dad didn't teach you manners, I'll teach you manners, Haggag!

I'll teach you a lesson!

Helela! Helela! What are you doing, Helela?

Get away, you big stupid moron!

- I was crushed. - Come here, you!

- Mind your own business, you cow! - Sit down, Helela.

- No, I don't want to. - I'm begging you, sit down!

- Get the hell away from me! - You bastard!

- Son of bitch! - Stay back!

- Stop it, Haggag! - Blood!

Stop! Give up, Haggag!

I told you… not to… put your hands… on a woman!

You bite the hand that's beating you?

Enough, Faten. Enough!

Yes, mama. You finally woke up?

Don't hit him, he's on our side!

- You're a fighter, Haggag! - You double agent! You b…

I'll kill you all, you sons of bitches!

By Ashraf Dandani, I'm going to get you all!

I got him detained! I got him detained!

Jumping like a monkey, is that all you can do?

- No, Helela! - Hit him, Helela!

- You can't aim, Helela! - Go ahead, Helela!

Why didn't you hit him, Helela?

- You stupid belly dancer! Get away! - Give up, Haggag!

Take off your socks and make them smell.

Give up already!

I give up. I give up.

Your tea, Mr. Shabaan.

Leave it there.

Yes Bahana. The stove exploded in Said's face! And the house what?

Orabi!

Emergency call, for Orabi Rudy Abdel…

- Yes, we know ma'am. - Great.

Open this door.

Why isn't he at the hospital?

He's perfectly fine. Tell the officer, son. Talk to him.

I'm fine, thank God.

He's fine. Nothing compared to other cases.

Alright. Open the gate!

Ouch, my poor foot.

I'll do the talking.

- The stretcher please, doctor. - The stretcher, chief…

The stretcher, chief nurse! And the blood pressure thingy.

This way, please.

- Excuse me. Thank you. - Step away, son.

In the blessed name of God!

Damn you!

He's got a hard disk attack.

Yes, it's a heart attack. Take him to the ambulance.

Come on, let's go.

Pick him up. Now.

My hand! My hand is under the stretcher, my hand!

- Get up. - Yes, what? What?

- Where's the paper? - I have it, here you go.

- Dictate the answers. Go on! - Yes, yes sure.

Question 1...

- "Redorical metabor" … - Hold on a second.

- What? - "Redorical metabor"…

Rhetorical metaphor, I know, I had a student just like him.

- "Combaring the brees" … - What are you saying, man?

Combaring the brees! Combaring the brees!

- Comparing the trees… yes? - To a breathing man…

Die! Sleep!

Is he going to be ok?

Of course, sir. He'll be fine.

I'm working on him myself.

But please, we need some calm. Some calm, please!

Guys, untie me, come on.

That'll teach you to be a tyrant, Haggag.

Are you ok, son?

One more word out of you and I'll tie you next to him.

I could've killed Haggag.

But I'm like dad, he only beats on the weak.

- Who does he beat on then? - My mom.

Helela, you can't just tell whatever you see.

I don't tell everything. Me, for instance, I walk around naked…

Shut up Helela. Shut it.

By the way, I liked your drawing.

I wanted to make it even more like you.

More like me? How?

Let's not go there.

Let me. Don't worry, I won't touch you.

I… I didn't mean the things I said in the toilets.

Do you know why I want to graduate high school?

I want to find a good job.

For my daughter. So no one talks to her the way you talked to me.

I hope she becomes the best girl in the world.

Hey, Zainab. By Ashraf Dandani, if anyone comes near you,

I'll eat them alive.

Pass your exam, Zainab. Only education will help you.

Come on people. Untie me.

I swear to God, I'm just a poor guy.

My heart is purer than milk.

I just want to graduate high school.

Because if I don't,

they won't let me into the jail's library competition.

And it's the most important competition of my life.

You'd be harming not just me.

You'd harm all the people I care about.

Sayed Shoka and Ali Safina and Hajj Mahmoud Salem.

The 4 of us, we dug a tunnel under the library to escape.

We dug it with a spoon, like in The Shawshank Redemption.

But we didn't dig for 11 years,

- it only took us 7, thank God. - Poor darlings.

I swear to you, we're better than anybody, if we just focus.

They're probably stuck in the tunnel now, and I have the spoon.

And Hajj Mahmoud doesn't get along with Sayed Shoka.

And Ali Safina is stuck in the middle.

Anyway… Long story short. I'll keep the details to myself.

What are you so emotional about?

His wicked story really touched your hearts?

For once, the end is even worse than the means.

May God forgive you.

What kind of jail holds a library competition?

And Safina is supposed to escape the library?

- Probably the library of Alexandria. - What are you crying about?

I'm thinking of my poor mom.

Back when she was in jail, she dug a tunnel with a pin.

Oh no, lord have mercy, your poor mom!

- Does anyone have his knife? - I have it here.

- So should we untie him or what? - Do whatever you want.

I'm leaving anyway.

I'll untie you. Not because of your pathetic story,

but because I'm better than you.

Let's go Mr. Orabi. Easy there. He's doing very well, thank God.

But doctor, shouldn't he go to the hospital, get checked?

No need, Mr. Principal, he just had a little wobble. That's about it.

Alright Orabi, you can go home, to your wife and kids.

No, no. I called them, they're doing just fine, sir. Thank God.

I can't leave you today, during exams.

- Go home, man, to your wife and k… - I can't! No, no, impossible.

- Let's get out of here, guys! - Take the day off.

No, no Mr. Shaaban. I can't. No, really.

- Finally, someone's here! - No, this is Orabi, my dad's lapdog.

Is there one good person in this school?

Look, you've got all the answers here.

Take the strip with your name and stick it here.

Stick your name right here, with the strip.

So the strip goes here, not there. No strip there. Forget this paper.

Come on, people. Pass the exam! Go on, guys. You can do it!

What?

- Oh, wow. It's all there! - It's all there! The answers!

The answers are there.

What, why are looking at me like that?

Answers or not. I'm leaving and I'm reporting you.

Do you want to fight me one more time?

Mr. Saad!

Mr. Saad! You're not dead! You didn't die because of me!

How could you do this to me? I died and came back to life!

- I swear, just like you! - No, this is against natural laws.

Come, come sit at your desk.

- So we flunked? - I'm ok. I've got the answers!

Are you ok, Mr. Saad?

I'm fine.

This boy tells me that everyone's cheating and that… God forbid…

you're dead!

Dead? I'm fine, as you can see.

I just had a bad fall, but those kids helped me, thankfully.

He was dead!

Didn't you tell me he took his cuffs off, boy?

And him, he's not even injured!

- Take your bandages off, boy. - No way.

Let me see your injury.

Get your hands off.

Hold on, boy.

What the hell? He's bleeding! Did you lie to me, boy?

What the hell's wrong with you?

And him, they tied him up and tortured him.

Did anyone torture you?

They're good, decent people.

Where's your desk, boy?

Sit down! Sit down now!

A little more discipline, Mr. Saad!

I'm gonna tear you apart, Harry Potter!

Hello? Yes, Hamam. What? Wait!

Oh, yes. My other phone is dead.

I'll call you later. I'm supervising an exam.

Mr. Dardiri.

- I'll be off now. - What?

- I'll be off. - You can't leave.

We have to celebrate this! It's all thanks to you!

Please, I'm begging you. I just want to go home. Please let me go.

Stay for the party, man! Have a juice!

- No, I have diabetes. - You have what?

Diabetes. I can't drink juice. I need to go home. Please, let me go!

Fine, hope you feel better. I can't force you to stay. Go on, bye now.

Wow, now he can't force me!

The man turned out to be alive, after all.

"O Allah, if it is good for me, then make it easy for me,

and if it is otherwise, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it."

Answer to question one.

Time's up! Put your pens down.

Praised be the lord.

They're coming to pick you up now.

How was the exam?

The plural of shit is shithead and the plural of "One" is many.

Good one!

What if I told you that the plural of "One" is 256. What would you say?

Let's have it, lady.

Couldn't you sleep one more hour?

- Sorry? - Nothing, thanks.

Want the answers? You actually believed me?

Alright. You're dismissed! Thanks a lot. Go home!

Peace be unto you.

- Helela passed the exam! - Stroll around, you beautiful bride

You're a lovely flower in the garden

- A branch of carnation blossoms - Why are you holding her like that?

You don't look like a groom, you look like a blind person.

I told you, Helela. It's like that.

Don't be scared. I'm right here.

But walk faster. They might not see us.

- Let's go. - Lovely Bride,

you're a branch of carnation blossoms…

Alright people. Take this party somewhere else. Let's go.

That shades us from the sun Stroll around

you beautiful bride…

Stay the hell back! I'll stick your guts to the school gate!

By Ashraf Dandani, if you come near her,

I'll destroy you, you stupid imp!

If you want to talk, talk to her man!

I'm her man, I'm her brother! Who the hell are you?

I'm her husband!

By Ashraf Dnandani, if you come near her, I'll curse you!

I'm blessed, my prayers are heard!

You wanted me to get married? I'm married now!

Look mister, she's married now, according to God's law!

What's wrong with you?

What is this? Are you people trying to fool me?

How could she get married without an imam present?

I'm right here. Are you blind? Here's the marriage contract,

according to God's law.

What is this?

This is not a marriage contract!

It doesn't have a photo.

The new ones are all digital.

Stroll around, you beautiful bride!

Let us through, bro. Let us through!

Do you know the best news?

Better news than this? I'm already so freaking happy!

It's a surprise.

- Well, show me then. - Take this.

What the hell?

Dear God!

You didn't put your seat number on the exam paper?

Well, this guy you sent kept saying: take the strip off here,

put the strip right there… He got me confused.

- I got you confused, Helela? - Yeah.

Come on now, Helela! I told you about the strip!

What's a strip anyway?

- Oh no, the mayor! - Mr. Mayor!

- Helela! Your dad, Helela! - It's ok. I still have my mom.

Where's this damn car?

I couldn't find a parking space this morning. Had to park down the street.

God, Sayed, it's too hot! It's bad for the baby.

- Go get it, please. - Right away, ma'am.

Look, just give me a ride! Further down!

What's her name?

Amina.

She's so pretty. God bless her.

Tell your mom to get you better pampers.

Do you know who this is, Amina?

Uncle Abdel Hamid, he helped your mom pass the exam, girl.

Don't say that. It's nothing.

God bless you two. I hope you find a good job.

- God bless you. - Peace be unto you.

- I thought Ibn Hanbal said not to. - Well, Ibn Hanifa said it's fine.

Peace be unto you.

Goodbye, Abdel Hamid!

I'll meet you at the Grammar exam! But you better come clean!

- Who needs to come clean, Haggag? - You!

I'm cleaner than you and your whole town, Haggag!

Are you going to throw this stone at me, jerk?

You should be grateful I didn't report you!

I should beat you up again, like I did in the classroom!

You're actually running after the truck, you idiot!

Think you're gonna catch up to me? You're dragging your feet!

You're the idiot dragging his feet!

You're dragging your feet, you little wimp!

I don't like this word, Haggag!

- Bye, Abdel Hamid! - Stop right there!

- Bye, Abdel Hamid! - Stop!

Ok, let's stop. Let's see him catch me!

I'll catch you. There'll be other exams!

I'll miss you, you dirty prick!