Original subtitles

Once upon a time when things were rotten, not just good, but also key.

We're rotten, everybody kicked the presents.

Things were better than it good, than they were often good.

Upon, soon abandoned, very men began.

They were up

and other legends are forgotten.

We'll remember

the rich came through the poor.

Make sense with the get-more expenses.

So when other legends are forgotten, we'll remember that these were rotten.

Game for, but then more.

Marion, will you be reasonable?

I don't want to be reasonable.

I want to be Marion.

I want to plide my truth.

Marion, no one wants to plight her truth more than I.

I'm not even sure you love me.

Well, of course I love you.

My love is real.

It's that horse that's phony.

There are plenty of other squirrels in the forest.

And if you don't want to marry me, there are a lot of other men who will.

Why all I have to do is snap my fingers and... Ah, fair Marion, will you marry me?

See?

Sir Clyde, you are not marrying her.

I am.

Now be off.

Robin, when?

Well, just as soon as King Richard has returned

to his throne and my work here is done.

That could be forever.

Oh, I won't wait that long.

Robin, you have to choose.

Me?

Or your career?

It's not my career, Marion.

It's my duty.

And a man must do his duty as he sees it.

And when a man sees his duty, he must not turn his back on it.

He must face up to it.

Look at squarely in the eye and say, howdy, duty.

That's the way you feel about it.

Then let's just call the whole thing off.

Marion, wait.

Sir Clyde.

How

you do it, Bertram?

The mind boggles, buckles, buckles.

You manage to turn our stately throne, room into an Arabian sock hop.

Watch out.

I am quite sure Shikok Med will feel quite at home.

Your pillow nurse, Tick Ahmed, awaits without... without what?

I've got to ask.

Bertram, announce him.

Don't ever pause.

I'm sorry, Marion, but don't ever do that again.

It's many painful.

My Lord, my lady's Shikok Med, Mohamed Benzin.

Vio Masala, Vio Masala.

The Baba Sala holds the dressing.

A thousand greetings, esteemed sheriff.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Good.

Does the trade agreement meet with your approval, Shikok Med?

Is it not written that he who lies down with the

lion and the ant shall awaken strangely refreshed?

Oh, now sign.

Now you turn, my lady.

Once signed, you will have exclusive rights over every drop of olive oil,

produced by the seven major olive oil producing and exporting countries,

also known as Oopak, of which I am chief Oop and vice-pec.

Fantastic.

I shall control all of the olive oil.

And if anyone in England wants to make a salad, they'll have to go through me.

Here, I signed.

Bigger than you.

The deed is done, and having been done is done, and a deed done is a deed done well.

Well done.

Royalty done.

I ring done.

I ring done.

I ring done?

I ring done.

So be it.

And in accordance with the customs of your great country, all that is ours is yours.

Choose anything you desire, anything you see.

Up to five things.

Or the cash equivalent.

No, no, I couldn't.

I really couldn't.

I'll take that shield.

That vase, that plaque.

That chair.

And her.

What?

What?

What?

You see, wait.

You miss my what?

I'm sorry.

What?

Continue.

Thank you.

Don't you see, Maid Marion?

You ought to marry Shika Hamed as part of the trade agreement.

What?

Yes, she's right.

This is the 12th century.

You just can't marry someone off it doesn't belong to you.

Majesty.

Don't you see, Your Majesty?

This agreement will make you one of the

richest and most powerful men in all of Europe.

I'm Aryan.

Eat, eat, Robin.

I can't fire, I have no appetite.

A bite, a mouthful, something.

Here comes the horsey, open the barn door.

It's a pity to waste a good horsey.

Don't let her get to you, Robin.

You better go there.

Hey, man, I say he should say he's sorry and throw himself at the mercy of her feet.

That's what I say.

The riddance is what I say.

We spend half our time saving her anyway.

Right, guys?

Hey, man, you're the first one to die.

You don't know how I don't know.

Bravo, you know me.

I've always leveled with you.

How long have I known Marion since you two started going together?

She's the best.

She's the top.

She's the tower of pizza.

I love her like my own sister.

Dump her.

Dump her.

El Dumpo.

Just like that.

Who is this guy?

Robin.

Perhaps the good book has the answer.

What does a good book have to say for me, Friar?

Let's see.

Eve begot Abel.

Ruth begot Isaac.

Isaac begot Hayes.

Sarah begot Vaughan.

Vaughan begot Monroe.

There's a lot of begotts in here, Robin.

Well, it's a good book.

No one said it was perfect.

What did you say?

What did you say?

What did you say?

I said Abel.

What did you say?

I said Abel.

What did you say?

Mr. and Mrs. Sheik Abdul Mohammed Ben Turpin are relieved to announce the

wedding of their son, Sheik Ahmed Jr. Baghdad

and Eukanan to Marion Fitzgibbet of Nottingham.

So, Vester, are you sure that's wedding announcement is legitimate?

Oh, yes, there's going to be a wedding, all right?

The sheriff's men are outstealing flowers.

They stole a wedding cake.

They stole a three-piece band.

They even stole one of those cocktail francs.

Come on, guys.

We're not going to let this Sheik steal Robin's girl.

Hey, he's a foreigner.

Come on, let's get out.

It's clear.

She's made her choice.

What's done is done.

If there's one thing I've learned in this life and marked

this well, it's to accept a feat with calm, adult resignation.

I want to die!

I'm very waste of living.

He's taken a lot better than I thought.

I thought he'd fall the pieces.

I've never been in a situation like this before.

I thought I could handle it.

But I'm confused, angry, and very resentful.

What does it all mean?

What does it all mean to you?

Don't you ever give answers?

Answers?

You run an answer?

12.

That's an answer.

Here you get questions.

I'm a wizard.

You run answers.

See in a fountain.

See Bernie.

You don't seem to understand.

They're forcing me to marry a man I do not love.

Tell me what to do.

That's your job.

My role is to point out the pitfalls and the pratfalls.

You have to decide.

I must decide.

What is there an echo in here?

You come up for an answer.

All right.

I'll kill myself.

Wonderful.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Okay.

You made a decision by the wrong decision.

Throwing in the sponge at your age.

You have everything to live for.

You're a legend.

You're the target of town.

What good is all that now without Marion?

You have to help me, Wizard.

I can't cope with this.

I can't deal with Marion marrying that chic.

Forget about it.

She ain't going to marry.

Not Marion.

What do you mean?

Oh, I just ran off at the mouth.

But that's all you're getting for me.

I would never violate this sacred Wizard-patient relationship.

Okay, listen up close.

I've been forcing her, but she don't want to marry the guy.

So she got the poison ring and when they get to the eye do she will.

She will what?

Can't she put two and three together?

Poison ring and she will.

She will... Oh no, she won't.

I'll see to that.

Wait a minute.

You still got 40 minutes left.

Where the hell off, mother?

Let me go!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Let me go!

I made Marion.

It's good to see you so excited about selecting your wedding gown.

I brought them all the way from Arabia.

My other wives packed them for me just in case.

I have no intention of wearing a wedding gown, even a cute one.

We shall see Bertram proceed.

Thank you.

The lovely Phoenicia is wearing a one-piece

perkanteed Jagandy, with a wilagry filagry.

And now, Vanessa wearing a teal blue creation from the House of Ernestine Pogandine.

Sharon has selected this saucy schmata for her trip down the aisle.

No, no.

I wouldn't be caught dead in any of those.

You can't make me marry him.

I don't love him and love his sacred.

I demand that this wedding be stopped in the name of law.

Stop them in my name of law before you break my heart.

Man, we've got to stop the wedding.

Stop the wedding.

Now you're talking, man.

Let's get him.

Don't back down, Robin.

Let her go.

No, no, no.

You don't understand.

They're forcing her to get married, so she's going to kill herself of the ceremony.

Wow.

They're not going to put a dapper on the reception.

Well, listen, man.

I have a plan where we can discredit the sheep and save Marion.

I knew it.

What did I tell you?

Another save.

Friar, the archbishop is to perform the ceremony.

I want you to intercept him at Mansfield Road and take his place at the wedding.

I'm going to be the archbishop.

My mother's going to be so proud.

Now, once at the castle, I want you to delay the ceremony until we arrive.

Aye, aye, Robin.

I'm gone with the wind.

Men, we're going to a wedding.

Hey, wait a minute.

We don't have any invitations.

These are our invitations.

Oh.

Well, I guess I'll only stay a short while.

No.

Perfume.

Perfume.

Perfume.

Perfume.

Perfume.

Perfume.

Pizen.

Isn't that cute?

A miniature Marion and a lifestyze Ahmed.

They forgot Prince John's duckies.

Last of the twins.

He's all wrong.

Now remember, everyone, boy girl, boy girl, boy girl.

They're good lad.

I have one of those.

Ah, Mr. Mrs. Lightfinger.

Do leave us some silverware tonight.

I won't show.

It's human luck.

Remember, when the Archbishop arrives, go on him in.

There's a lad.

His excellency, the Archbishop of Nottingham.

Greetings!

Greetings!

Are you...

Glad to see you.

Welcome to our castle, Archbishop.

Please call me Archie.

We are anxious for the ceremony to proceed, your excellency.

Oh, yes, of course, the ceremony.

Everybody rise!

I didn't say Simon says.

Hurry, Robin.

What?

Just praying.

I do believe we could move a little faster, Archbishop.

I'm going as fast as I can.

Shikach-med-mah-med-ben-gezara.

Archbishop, Shikach-med.

I'm humbled in the presence of your grandness.

No, no, no, no, no.

It is I who am humbled by the presence of your grandness.

I do believe it's time for the ceremony to begin.

Ah, the blushing bride.

Let the ceremony begin.

Shikach-med.

Aren't you forgetting something?

You are forgetting one of your very own customs.

Not in naughty.

You have forgotten the Benghazi bridal dance.

You beg out the Benghazi bridal one.

Dance, dance, of course.

The Benghazi bridal dance.

The pre-wedding dance done by the broom to entice his lovely bride.

Of course.

My lovely bride.

We will do the centuries-old dance that glorifies the gathering of the harvest,

the changing of the season, the union of the cosmos, and the winning of the West.

Hit it.

One more time.

Oh, what's the matter?

Oh, right.

The ceremony.

We are gathered here to join, made Marion, and Shikach-med, Muhammad, Benghazi,

in matrimony.

If there is anyone here present, who knows, of any reason

why these two should not be wed, let him speak now.

Anyone.

Anyone at all.

Don't be shy.

Step right up there.

Must be someone.

What's the matter?

Oh, yes, right.

All right.

Do you, Shikach-med, take this... I do.

I do.

I do.

You do.

He does.

And do you, made Marion?

She does.

She does.

She does.

Then, by all the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you, man, and...

Who is wedding over to this side?

What is the meaning of this?

Who are you?

Harib of Cairo 5.0.

We have been after this man for years.

He is nor Shik.

Back in desert country, he is known as Ahmed de Crook.

Not true.

He lies.

Wrong.

There you deny this.

One of the many checks you have bounced all over the fertile crescent.

Let me see this.

Ah, Ahmed.

God, take a sultan to solitary.

Please, Ahmed is ours.

We must take him back to Morocco.

The desert has ways to deal with its own.

Farewell, lovely maiden.

Fine, fella.

Just can't help feeling that I've met him before.

Don't be silly.

Where could you have ever met before?

You must feel free to speak on whatever's troubling you.

I want to see the secret storms that are raging inside

of you as the world turns in your search for tomorrow.

Spill the beans!

Well, personally, I feel I've profited from this experience.

Made Mary and I have a much more mature and meaningful relationship.

And in the future, I intend to think less of my career and ten more to her needs.

And I'm going to try to think much less of my

own personal needs and more of Robin's ideals.

Because I know how busy he is stealing from those who are in the high income

bracket and giving to those who are much less fortunate.

And I'm going to try not to be so resentful about

Robin spending more time with Mary and with me.

And not to be so angry about having to savor all the time.

And I'm going to try not to joke around so much and be

more serious about Robin and the band and its arrangements.

Sorry.

And I will try to live with the fact that I will never be archbishop or skinny.

And I have to try to remember.

And not to feel so guilty about being smarter than the other guys.

It's hard.

You guys got it all together.

No wonder they called you to marry men.

Say, wait a minute.

Maybe you can help me.

I got a problem.

Oh, sure is.

Okay.

Now, level with me.

Does this make me look like a jerk?