Original subtitles

Previously on "Below Deck Down Under"...

This season I have over 40 years of experience.

I don’t expect just good.

I want exceptional.

Hi, I’m Jenna, lovely to meet you.

It’s Betul.

-Eddy. -Mate.

Oh, you’re a deck stew. I love it.

Alicia. Ben.

I’m not trained. I’m just passionate.

Passion for food could potentially mean

I have absolutely zero cooking skills.

-I’m sorry. -What happened?

Did you burn it?

It was burning and not cooking.

How the [bleep] did that happen?

Just get it in the trash.

Pretty much the [bleep] up of the century in my opinion.

My mum persuaded me that cooking wasn’t for me,

and not going to culinary school was a huge mistake.

Stupid, stupid.

Heather Gay is bringing her outrageous

friend group from the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

I’m not going to lie, I’m quite anxious.

What? What?

Will you just have them bring my water up?

Of course.

Will you guys put Dr. Pepper on the boat for me?

She needs some conditioner. Can you help her?

These ladies are going to go nuts.

Bloody hell.

Interior, galley needs to know whether or not

they should plate.

-[bleep] me. -I don’t care.

I go from zero to 100.

They’re fighting, everything’s up in the air.

I really, I don’t have a answer for you right now.

Are you kidding me? Serious?

-There’s broken glass. -----ing hell.

What is going on?

Don’t you ever, ever ever say that about me!

Wow!

Daisy, Daisy, Ben!

I think she should stay away from me permanently.

There’s glass all over the floor.

I’m not going to step in glass.

Galley, the guests are still eating.

If we could get a time, that would be great.

I don’t know when they’re going to stop eating.

You did not need to say that and stir up the pot.

She doesn’t know when they’re going to stop eating.

This is insane.

Trying to do this dinner service and communicate

with Ben right now is annoying as [bleep].

We’re having to interrupt World War III,

being like, excuse me, can I take your plate?

You have done a lot of really nasty things.

Oh, my gosh.

I mean, I don’t want to re-piss these housewives off.

That doesn’t sound like my idea of fun.

I open my mouth, Meredith goes, rah!

Mm.

-You love it? -Mm.

I’m going to clear their starter in two minutes.

Finally.

All right. Put them all the same way.

Put them there, and then you can even put that tin

-back on top of the grill, yeah? -Copy.

I have tried.

She has done some pretty despicable things.

Yes, thank you.

So stay away from me.

I think that’s despicable.

Okay, galley, we’ve cleared.

-Copy. -[bleep]

Can I help with anything?

Go down to the galley and then wait for the main course.

Okay.

I said you should not say that about Meredith.

That’s disgusting.

Holy ----ing...

No, this is such an about face.

Absolutely not.

Okay, this is crazy.

-Why don’t you just disengage? -Okay.

Oh, I would be more than happy to disengage

from you forever, sweetheart.

Bye.

They’re full on having a bitch fight up there.

[bleep] yeah! Bring it, bring it!

Get the axes.

It’s still kicking off.

Who is having seizures?

Who?

Let’s get this on a plate,

and we’re going to get that still done now, if we can.

This is for Mary.

Okay, so it’s panko, wahoo,

saffron, potato, broccolini.

Okay, let’s go.

I know you’ve got good intentions, and I love you,

but I was embarrassed that I feel like

I can’t stand up for myself.

Panko, wahoo. Panko, wahoo.

You’re talking about my girl.

Panko, wahoo.

So for you to carry on about her to somebody else is wrong.

Panko.

Panko wanko. Oh, [bleep].

I moved on.

Daisy, tell us what we’re eating.

Oh, brother.

See, this is what I’m talking about.

Daisy?

You are having panko encrusted wahoo.

-Okay. -It’s a fish dish.

-Are you all right? -Oh, my goodness.

Getting there.

Thank you. You’re so sweet.

See, he’s international.

You’re bringing the Greek out.

I mean, I do feel like I am very pretty.

The cougars love us.

I feel like I’m their little toy boy,

and they just want to pick us up and take us back home.

Michael, you have such great energy, and I love your hair.

-Do you like it? -Yes, we do.

But listen, she could have just said, I’m sorry.

She doubled down.

Oh, this is delicious.

She is so rude and mean to me for no reason.

-How is it? -Another 10.

10 out of 10.

Can I have a little ramekin, please, with butter?

Absolutely.

All right...

Thank you.

Didn’t ask for a spoon, did I love?

Thank you.

Didn’t ask, did I?

Oh, we have to punch out cheesecake.

I’m really proud of you.

I know.

No, I know.

Mike, please come up to clear.

Then you can go down and help Jenna.

Like, listen, you can fight it in Bronwyn.

You do love to be playful with Britani,

and then you love to assassinate her at a dinner table.

I’m not assassinating her.

Sorry.

Are you all finished with your food? Sorry.

Yes, thank you.

You are the source of all the dirt on anyone we know.

I’m not the source of information.

I have people tell me stuff.

Exactly.

[overlapping dialogue]

It sounds like you’re saying

she’s the source of all the information.

Like, she’s the one who did this to me.

I didn’t do anything to anybody.

I ----ing can’t take this anymore!

You guys, shut the [bleep] up about me.

I don’t do anything to you.

-Look good, Ben. -Thanks, mate.

Hi.

I am.

Part of me wants to go upstairs, but I know the minute I do,

I’ll just...

Well, at the moment, it’s a little bit heated upstairs.

Don’t come near me. Don’t you ----ing come near me.

I’m coming near you.

Sit your ----ing little butt down.

I’m am moving if you come near me.

What’s going on? What’s the topic?

I have no clue.

Oh, Lord.

This is not worth an alpha change dinner.

-But anyways, I’ll be back. -Thank you.

Okay.

Wow.

All right, just, just, it’s fine.

It’s fine.

All right, I need a fork, please, darling.

Please, you’re fine, all right? You’re good.

You’re doing a good job tonight, all right?

Thank you, you are, too.

-All right, are you ready to go? -Yeah, I’m ready.

It’s a deconstructed cheesecake with dark chocolate sauce.

[bleep] you, I’ve been a ----ing good friend to you.

No, [bleep] you.

You thought she was saying the ----ing thing.

Where am I wrong?

-Listen to me. -Where am I wrong?

Look at me.

Who are you looking at, Meredith?

Lisa Barlow, look at me.

I’ve been a ----ing good friend to you.

I’ve been totally ----ing loyal to you.

You are the one that’s ----ing--

So sorry. I’m so sorry.

[yelling]

-Just ----ing own it! -Own what?

I can just give you this.

That you’re the source of all the ----ing dirt.

I’m not going to own that. [bleep] that.

[bleep] that.

They’ve asked me to come for dessert,

but I’m entering the lion’s den right now.

[bleep] no.

You want the cucumber?

What?

Don’t pick it up without gloves.

Ah!

Why would they have one of those?

-I put it next to her bed. -All right.

Do they like it?

I don’t actually think they know what’s going on with the food.

They’re in full-blown argument.

Do you think they’ll give us less of a tip,

because they’re arguing?

No.

I’m not going to own that.

I’m not the source of any ----ing dirt.

Don’t you ----ing put that on me ever again.

Oh, my God.

Hey, guys. You good?

I’m going to say what I think.

I’m going to say it to your face,

and if you can’t be my friend because of it,

[bleep] you, get off the ----ing yacht

if you can’t hear what I have to say.

Okay, I’m happy to go.

I’ve had absolutely no feedback

as to whether they’ve enjoyed dinner.

Do they love me? Do they hate me?

It doesn’t matter, I don’t think.

How would you feel if I’m like, you’re the source.

You’re the one that did it. You did it. Admit it.

-They’re just, admit it. -Sit down.

[bleep] that.

I want to know who’s involved.

You’re the bitch that told the bitch that I’m the bitch.

Well, this bitch!

-Hey, John. -John.

No, I’m like so sad.

Eddy and Betul, you guys go down

and you can both wake up in six.

You’re gonna walk downstairs and ----ing leave me?

You ----ing leave me.

Oh, my gosh. It’s so intense.

I have never done anything to them.

They’re like, so mean to each other.

And then they’re, like, crying.

[sobbing]

Hey.

She looked at me. Ha ha!

Heather, I just thought we were in such a different place.

You have a good night?

Ish, it’s been a rough night.

Let me ask you this, do you actually like run the ship?

Yeah.

I kinda wanna see.

-Not now. -Why not?

Tomorrow, when we’re running.

It’ll be better when we’re going.

Kinda just wanna get out of here.

I was looking for an excuse.

-Oh, were you? -Yes.

To like, get out of here.

I don’t know if she’s flirting or not,

but Heather’s the primary.

I’m not flirting with anyone but her.

At least she’s attracted to somebody

I can understand, for once.

Okay, good night. Get some sleep.

-Please sleep well. -We are ready.

I’m gonna go to bed.

Have they all gone to bed?

I think so.

[bleep] yes!

Crew to go down at 11.

11, yeah.

I’m gonna sleep outside.

Baby, are you okay?

[snoring]

[alarm beeps]

[bleep]

Slay the day.

Oh, you’re here.

[clears throat]

This is okay?

The other one is not okay.

Good. Thank you. How are you?

What are you thinking for the breakfast?

Do a fruit plate.

-All right. Pineapple? -Yeah.

Let me show you, okay?

I don’t core it.

I don’t do any of that bullsh--, all right?

-Okay. -Just a little bit thicker.

Have a go.

I have discovered some inabilities with my sous chef.

Did you put sugar in there?

No, I thought I just added the eggs.

Dessert? They generally have sugar in.

Just moving forward.

I’m just trying to suss it out.

I’m trying to find the balance.

She probably wants to learn,

and I want to teach her for us to be improving the whole time.

So what’s the plan with Mike?

Well, if I could have him now, that would be great.

Yeah, fine.

Just radio me when you need him.

[sneezes]

I think you’re with me because we’re down a stew.

So come find me in the flybridge.

Copy that.

What’s the plan for this morning, Jase?

Definitely taking off at 9.

Get there by 10, 10:30.

Then they’re going to go ashore, get nibbles and champagne,

and come back for lunch.

Today is going to be absolutely hectic for the deck team.

We have to get down to the Tobago Keys,

leave the anchorage at 9 o’clock,

be down there by 10:30.

The Tobago Keys,

it’s the epicenter of cruising here in the Caribbean.

It’s luxury, stunning beaches, lots of turtles,

lots of sea life.

We’ve got the beach set up, we’ve got snorkeling.

Hopefully the tranquility of underwater

can transfer back to the boat.

Should be fun. Cool.

-Good morning. -Oh, thanks,

for letting me back into my room.

Deck, deck, we’ll be lifting anchor in 20 minutes.

Okay, copy.

Long, medium, short.

-Okay. -Okay.

-Yeah, sure. -Cool.

If it’s piling up, stop immediately,

and I’ll come and help you.

-Yeah, copy that. -All right.

Hi, morning.

Breakfast up in the sun deck.

-Okay. -Yeah, so...

We’re going to change and come eat.

Okay, great.

Galley, Daisy.

Guests will be ready for breakfast in about 10 minutes.

Roger, thank you.

Lovely.

Mary and I missed out. We need a full-on update.

What happened last night?

Deck crew, start picking up anchor.

Thank you.

Three shackles remaining.

[clattering]

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

The anchor’s piling up a little bit. So go down.

Cap, one of the main links has got stuck.

I’m just going to release it so it drops,

then bring it back up.

Copy.

I’m going to go down quickly.

Anchor chain is still up and down, captain.

Copy that. Thank you.

Whenever we pull up anchor, the chain can pile up

too high and too fast and jam the system.

Bring the anchor down.

Copy.

The only way we can fix this is to let the chain all out

and start the process again.

And when bringing it in, flake it out properly.

Copy.

[clattering]

The winch is clogged. Winch is clogged.

I’m confused. You just said you bought a horse.

Horses are very expensive.

Yeah.

Copy.

[clattering]

My God.

[bleep] this.

Oh, [bleep].

----ing...

Are you going to go poo again? My God, you’re a machine.

[bleep] this anchor.

Foredeck, how are we looking? How are we looking?

It just keeps getting stuck every turn,

but we’re just doing it very slowly.

Copy that. I just stay on idle for now.

-[clattering] -Stop, stop, stop.

-Stopped. -Come back down.

-Down. -[bleep] this anchor.

Stand by, stand by, please.

Standing by.

Copy.

Try and line it up.

Okay.

Mike, Jenna, can you get started in cabins?

-Copy that. -On my way.

Foredeck, where are we at?

-[clattering] -Stop.

Stop.

We’re about a quarter of a shackle lift.

Never fear, the party is here.

It’ll take some bit of time, don’t worry.

-Lifting up again. -Lift it up.

[clattering]

Down a little bit more.

Okay, let me reset.

I rested it and switch on.

Can you see it?

The anchor on the water line.

Yeah! Well done, you!

Oh, my gosh.

-Yeah! -Yay!

Anchor in the pocket.

Copy.

This was not an easy task. Good work, team.

-[bleep]! -Okay.

What a mission.

How are you doing, babes, with the sway?

I’m breathing deep.

Do you have a nausea band on?

Yes, I’ve got one on each arm.

I thought they cook quicker.

White onions?

I know you know that.

I thought shallots were onions.

It’s going to take way much more time peeling that.

I just thought they were the quickest cooking.

When Ben wants to play nice, he is playing nice.

But the second things go wrong,

it’s like back to ----ing... [imitates whip]

All right, where’s my knife? Daisy nicked my knife.

His mood swings swing every ----ing minute.

It’s like, which face is he going to put on today?

Oh, okay, this is my 10 minutes of happiness.

And then 10 minutes of madness.

And then 10 minutes of crazy.

I’ve never met such a person in my life.

Can we take any of that?

Yes, please.

-Hello? -Yeah.

It’s no problem. I’m just going to clean your room,

-but I’ll do it after. -It’s me, you idiot.

Oh, it’s you.

[laughing]

Ladies, so this is the chef’s special.

We have Pecorino Romano omelets.

That sounds wonderful.

Thank you.

How bad is that anchor then, in terms of...

Well, we’re not going to use the starboard anchor again

if we can help it.

-Is the port one working? -Yeah, it’s working out.

Hey, just close the toilet seat there.

Yeah.

It’s the most feminine thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I wonder how breakfast is going

if they’re, like, strangling each other already.

Can I ask you a question? I’m so curious.

You’re telling her that I’m a horrible friend

because I’m not using you to sell my home?

Your house is not selling.

I have an executive, custom-built home

with 360-degree views.

$11 million.

If you want somebody’s business...

I don’t want your business. I do not need your business.

I’m manifesting to be each and every one of these women.

Growing up, we lived a comfortable lifestyle,

but my parents worked their asses off.

They used to count every penny,

and that is just not going to be my life.

I got into yachting to become the top 1%,

and I believe this job is a gateway to that.

These women are on a yacht in Canouan,

bitching and moaning.

This is an olive branch.

It’s not good business.

It’s like a masterclass of rich women behavior.

This is what Britani does in her downtime.

Yes, you’re welcome.

She’s researching my house.

Desperation.

Sorry, are you through here?

You guys, I need to put a pin in this.

We got to get off the boat.

Galley, that is breakfast cleared and finished.

Foredeck, stand by for anchor.

Okay, let’s go change.

Really?

Okay, drop.

Two shackles in the water.

Perfect, thank you.

-Thank you. -Let’s get the nautibuoys out.

Okay, so I think it’s time to go.

You know, we want to kick back, sit around,

talk sh--.

Drop them off on the other side of the beach

with some snorkels and some towels.

All right, here we go.

I have to sit in the front so I don’t get sick, he says.

Bon voyage, Captain.

We’ll see you on the other side.

Joao, you’re a good driver.

Yeah, nice clean cuts.

Wipe that blade every time as well, please, darling.

Otherwise, you’ll [bleep] up the egg white.

[sighs]

-Thank you. -Ride smooth?

Yeah.

All right, guys, I’m going to leave you here, huh?

-Yeah. -See you guys in a bit.

You guys, I think they’re going to set up an area for us.

Where, exactly? I’ll follow you.

I’m not entirely sure.

Let’s do it here.

The deck team didn’t lift the anchor on time

and now the whole day is going to be playing catch up.

It’s the first beach set up of the season

and we’re having to do it in front of the guests.

It’s like being in bed with your hot hookup

and slipping in a fart. It is mortifying.

The setting’s a mess, the timing’s off.

The housewives don’t need to know that.

Distract, distract, distract.

You have magic hands.

No, you have magic back.

We are in full charm offensive mode.

Like, I feel like you support me,

like, and she said...

you know, like you’ve told her you support me in private,

I feel like you do.

I support you publicly.

Yeah, I think, I think more privately.

You don’t like my support?

I’m sorry.

You’re not a good friend.

-Okay, I didn’t ask you. -You’re just not.

How are they still fighting?

Is this what rich people do to enjoy themselves?

I think you’re boring.

I think you’re just--

I don’t really care what you think, Mary.

Mm-hmm.

[phone rings]

-Aye-aye. -How are you?

It’s an absolute sh-- show, mum.

The head chef, I don’t know,

it’s just all over the gaff.

He expects me to know what to do

and I literally have no idea what the [bleep] I’m doing.

Ben.

No, I’m being dragged through this sh--.

[laughing]

It’s hard to put into words

because the second he gets really bad,

it then gets okay again and, like, he shouts

and then he says he’s sorry.

And it’s really hot in the galley

and it’s just, it’s just...

Yeah.

Oh.

I don’t live in a chef culture that is volatile like this.

Doing anything with Ben is high stakes,

I can’t disappoint him.

I can’t not know the answer

because that will just end up in arguments.

I’ve got thick skin,

but he is chipping away at it minute by minute.

I’m unraveling, Mum.

No. I need a laugh.

It’s actually quite funny to hear you giggle.

Oh!

Prepare my eulogy, Mum. Prepare my eulogy.

All right, I love you, too.

Eddy! Fins, please!

You’re going to get in. Come on, put it on.

Honey, are you wearing your shoes in?

It’s so pretty.

Here we go.

I’ll go in with you, Whit.

I’m going to come with you as well.

How about that?

Yeah, this will change your life.

I love being in the water.

This is why I’m in yachting.

My dad died when I was younger,

two days prior to turning six, actually.

He passed off just a complete freak heart attack

on New Year’s Day.

And he was just the greatest person

you could ever know, a super family man.

He always just encouraged travelling,

getting out there, seeing the world.

It’s a nice feeling knowing I’m getting to do

what my dad would have loved me...

It’s a nice feeling knowing I get to do

what my dad would want me doing.

Yeah.

Did you enjoy the water?

How was snorkeling?

Snorkeling was amaze.

I swam with the stingray just like I was ----ing Nemo.

[laughing]

Imagine how your girls are going to shine

when you get an extra stew?

-A lot more rest. -Yes.

Ladies, our tender ride is here.

Let’s go. I’m ready. Here, why don’t you sit on my lap?

I’ll just do the steering.

Let’s go.

Motor Yacht Katina, we are approaching the yacht.

Okie doke. Thank you.

-Wait, what are these? -Rum punch.

-I would love one. Thank you. -Perfect.

I want the same as Heather.

Drinking, drinking buddies.

Hi, ladies, just so you know,

we’re going to be doing a 4 pm lunch up on the sundeck.

Okay?

-Do you think we could swap it? -Okay.

Do lunch in the saloon in the AC, dinner on deck.

Okay, sure.

That’s absolutely fine.

-Is that okay? -Absolutely fine.

Thank you so much. Okay.

[bleep]. Jenna.

Hey.

They just said lunch in the saloon?

Yeah.

Come on, come on, let’s go do it together.

----ing assholes.

Bye.

It’s like herding children.

Yeah, I mean, that was fun.

It’s still looking like a 4 pm lunch and 8 pm dinner.

Okay.

Perfect. Thank you.

Open that door, get ready for Joao.

We’re going to unload everything.

Okay.

Where I come from, working on a deck is considered a man job.

Put that with the towels.

When I was a kid, my father didn’t even want us

to go to school because my father’s mentality,

it was like women didn’t work and it was a man’s world.

But my grandparents sneaked me to the school.

Now, I believe if you want something,

you have to fight for it.

Good work.

Is that going to be bitchy if I just

do you, me and Mary and Ang?

I actually fully agree.

Like, I need a break.

Perfect.

Hey, is there any way that we could

clear a few of these plates?

We’re just going to have four for lunch.

Okay.

I would like the other ladies to just be served in their room.

Is that possible?

That’s fine, that’s fine.

-Thank you so much. -You’re welcome.

[sighs] Okay.

-[bleep] me. -What’s up, dude?

-They’re just... -Yeah.

-Patience being tested. -Lay it on me.

Patience... lunch is in 10 minutes.

But they want four served in their rooms.

Yeah, that makes sense.

It has to be plated, so it will all be plated.

So we’re not going to do family style anymore.

So we need to remove four of those plates.

I’ve set the table twice.

Nobody’s coming to lunch. Okay.

That kind of sucks for us because we’re going

to have to sort of individualize everything.

This is beautiful.

Okay, so how do you think we should plate this?

Do you think we should do the cabins or the table first?

-Table, right? -Table first, yeah.

Yeah, that’s what I think.

[bleep] It’s not going to be easy.

I don’t want to run out of food.

How many wings do I have?

Two, four, six.

Hi.

You’re going to come to the adults’ table?

I guess.

Low-key lunch with the low-key ladies.

Nice pot, that’s fine.

No, but we’re going to bring the plates down.

It’s going to get plated.

I don’t think you should plate them.

I don’t. Just try to think.

She asked for them all plated.

That doesn’t really concern me.

It’s what’s going to look best.

Growing up, I really wanted to be a portrait artist.

I was very good.

Coming from an art background, it does help cooking,

so I base my meal around how’s it going to look.

Shrimp cocktail, a salad and chicken wings with buffalo sauce

and crudité and all of that on this plate

is going to look like sh--.

You can’t just randomly throw things on the plate

because the colors are not going to match.

The shapes are not going to match,

so unfortunately there’s more to it than that.

I’m going against Daisy’s to spite her.

It’s just this is our department.

I’m not... I just...

I’m really hungry.

But I don’t want it to look like sh--.

They’re still guests, you know?

I feel pretty good. I’m hungry.

I am too.

Galley, we have four guests at the table.

We’re just doing wine.

----ing hell. There’s so much to do.

I think we should do the in-room diners first.

I’m starving.

Daisy, how long until the food?

It’s coming right away.

Did you copy, galley?

Daisy, Daisy, we can do the in-room diners quickly first.

They’re ready now.

We just kind of had to do it that way.

Oh, my God. Okay.

[bleep] me.

What the actual [bleep]?

Heather is the primary.

That means she is the most important person.

Let’s get the food going.

I worked up a big appetite.

So we need to serve lunch at the table first.

Like, the ----ing guests are chaotic.

Now Ben is chaotic.

Give me a ----ing break.

[bleep].

How long until the food?

Daisy, how long until the food?

It’s coming right away.

Oh, [bleep].

Daisy, Daisy.

Is there any way we can do the in-room diners quickly first?

They’re ready now.

Yeah, copy. Can you just give me a second, please?

Can you go start doing those in-room dining, please?

Yeah.

Hey, guys, we’re ready, right? Yeah, please?

Yeah.

-[bleep] me? -Yeah.

All right, let’s go.

This food’s getting cold, please.

Can I just put it this way?

You’re gonna need more runners.

----ing hell. Let’s go.

Everybody wants a glass of champagne, yeah?

Yeah, I think we’re all down to party, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

You happy to go with this?

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, please.

You guys are gonna need to pull more people, please.

I need everyone.

I don’t know what’s going on right now.

This is very weird.

-Hi. -Hello, ladies.

We have you some lunch.

-Thank you. -No problem.

I’m gonna put your food on the side of the bed, okay?

Oh, thank you.

You’re not up to sitting at the table?

It’s complicated.

Okay.

All right, they can go and then give me that, please.

I’ll do it.

God, I’m always waiting on Daisy.

What the [bleep], man?

Those sea shell bowls are so cute.

Hi.

I’m not very good at this, so here we go.

Here, I can help.

Cheers. Thank you.

That was fabulous.

We’re gonna get some utensils for you.

The plates would be great.

What the [bleep]?

Why’d they take it without plates?

Ben and I had a plan.

They want four served in their rooms,

so we’re not gonna do family style anymore.

Then he marches up with platters,

surprise, there’s no plates.

And who looks like a ----ing ding-dong?

Me.

Do you believe...

Oh, do you like them?

Serve me like I’m a rich Roman king.

That was actually bat sh--.

Yeah, it was.

I don’t understand what happened just right now.

Ben’s like, I’m serving the other four first.

I’m not leaving four guests, including the primary,

without a drink.

And I’m like, you’ll get it when I get it.

Like, I stood here, like, looking at my ----ing asshole.

You guys, this food is so delicious.

So good. It’s insane.

Cheers, you guys.

My wing women and my wing women.

Good. How are you, darling?

Better now.

You like that, right?

Mmm.

I swam with a turtle.

What?

I swam with a turtle.

Did you?

----ing huge.

Like, the size of this table kinda big.

Dude, noggin.

-Noggin. -Noggin.

He gave me some fin?

Fin, noggin.

I’m going to go take a nap.

Right, how can I help?

I’m thinking about that dessert tonight.

We want, like, the body of a zombie kind of thing.

Hi.

Good, how are you?

Good.

Let me get you the diet coke.

Oh, you want her to do that?

Yes.

All right, when, tonight?

Yes.

Let me organize it.

At the dinner table.

You know, he’s a part time stripper.

I am.

He’s very proud of it.

He would have been upset if I kept quiet.

Throughout the past five years, in between engineering gigs,

I stumbled into the world of stripping.

The world of stripping and the world of engineering

are two completely different places.

There’s no common denominator, except for lube.

Dinner’s at 8:00, and it’s zombie themed on the sundeck.

-Yeah. -I’ll give them a routine.

I’ll let you take the lead. You’re the stripper.

[laughing]

Belt, we’ll need that tonight.

Thank you. You had a good day?

Yeah, it was not bad at all.

I get some sunburn.

-Oh! -Yeah.

No, no, no, I can’t.

I can’t. This is bad.

I don’t know, but I’m ----ing shy as [bleep]

when it comes to this.

I think you got it.

So basically, right, pick the chair up,

move it away from the table with her sat on it.

[laughing]

I’m no stranger to performances on board.

Big gay brunch!

[shouting]

One, two, three, slide and snap.

[cheering]

All right, okay.

We got one third.

Do I feel comfortable doing it?

No, I don’t.

From a very young age, I’ve always been very body shy.

I’ve been teased by my brother about my weight.

I’ve always been the person to go to the beach

with my shirt on.

Give her a little bit of that. Give her a little bit of that.

And it’s very intimidating,

making myself look like an absolute clown

next to a professional.

-Oh, [bleep]! -That’s right.

No!

[whistles] Wow. It’s very quiet.

I can finally hear myself think.

You can hear a pin drop.

Show me your boobs.

Oh, it’s so clean in here.

And quiet.

So everyone’s getting dressed now.

I am so relieved.

[sighs]

Angie.

How do we look?

We look so good.

Okay.

Your little sea horse nose.

It’s so perfect.

Oh, [bleep]! The door closed on my hand.

-Oh, my God. -Oh, no!

-Oh, no! -Oh, my God.

Oh, God is it bad?

Ah!

Oh, my God. I’m in so much pain.

[whistling]

God, I’m bleeding!

We need help!

-Oh, I just heard. -[bleep].

Oh, my God. 911.

Help.

-Whose idea was this? -SOS!

Holy sh--. Look at it.

Are you okay?

-Daisy. -Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus.

We were being stupid and then her hand got caught.

Okay. Wait here, I got something.

-Oh, my God. -Oh, it’s so much.

Oh, my God. It’s so much blood.

Jason, can you please come up to the main saloon?

-Holy sh--.

This is a serious amount of blood.

Oh, my God. It looks so terrible.

It’s hurting!

Oh, my God!

It looks so terrible.

Angie has slammed her hand in the door.

It’s bleeding.

I don’t know what to do.

I think I ripped my fingernail off.

-Oh, my God. -Captain Jason.

It’s me again.

-I’m so sorry. -I’m trying not to laugh.

I’ve been so much trouble to you.

Will you ever have me back?

I will. Dressed like that.

Let me get a little bandage.

Let’s just hold the pressure on it.

-Okay. -Poor Angie.

She’s having the worst trip ever.

I got it all.

Captain, it’s gonna be fine.

It’s two for two at the moment.

She was vomiting yesterday, seasick.

Oh!

Now her fingers jammed.

It looks worse than what it is, I know,

but there’s still a lot of blood here.

Angie’s dressed as a seahorse.

Had it been a starfish, her finger may regenerate.

Get it?

Dad joke?

I’m fine, though.

I’m gonna have a great night.

Hopefully this is the last you’ll see of me.

Oh, I love that.

Oh, it looks amazing.

Love, love, love.

For tonight’s dinner, the guests have requested

a zombie theme night.

Complete with eerie cocktails,

hauntingly beautiful decor, and a menu to die for.

Honestly, I can’t think of anything more appropriate.

All they’ve been doing is eating each other alive,

throwing sh-- at each other.

It is very dead on.

Dinner tonight. What is it?

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Let’s talk.

After a sh---show of a beach excursion,

lunch delays, and Ben’s sh--ty communication,

dinner’s gonna be perfect

because it’s gonna be on my terms.

First course is a bowl, a scallop dish,

but with a slightly soupy black lentil,

and then we’re doing lamb, so steak knives,

and then a zombie ice cream head.

Is it a huge ball ache if I add Jason to that?

It’s not, mate.

Listen, you’re dealing with professionals here, love.

That’s what I like to hear.

I think that’s pretty good, to be honest.

Oh, that’s really cool, Bronwyn.

I’m back from the dead. I’m like a ghost.

That’s very cool. Well done.

Daisy, I have all guests upstairs.

[groaning, moaning]

You are not a zombie!

We must eat human flesh for nutrients.

Oh, my God.

Guys, we’ve got guests at the table.

I’ll start with just doing water and wine.

Thank you.

Ladies, ladies, welcome to Horror Night.

Can I get any of you’s a drink?

-Bloody cabs all around. -Of course.

That’s amazing. That is amazing.

I didn’t know that.

I haven’t touched this drink, but there’s like lips.

That’s not mine. I don’t do that.

That’s all right, I’ll get you another one.

Thank you.

Those are not my lips.

Oh, my God.

I don’t like getting caught for my mistakes.

I’m an expert at covering things up.

-Daisy? -Yeah.

Oh, [bleep].

Was there not?

-Who was this? -Mary.

-And she has a fresh glass. -Yeah.

Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.

Your luxury yacht trip is the trip from hell for you.

Okay, we’re ready to go with service.

You can go start cabins.

-Oh, my favorite. -Perfect.

Brilliant. This is good.

This is actually quite good. Yeah, nice.

[groans]

What is this?

Okay, it’s a hellish-looking black caviar lentil

and then a buttered seared scallop.

There we are, ladies.

You have caviar lentils and a butter-seared scallop.

Ooh!

Delicious!

It’s so good.

Ready to put the crisps down?

Yep.

How’s the temperament tonight? Does anyone know?

I saw something on TikTok today

about Seth having a mistress.

My husband does not have a mistress.

-A shot of tequila. -I love that.

Thank you.

Because your boyfriend breaks up with you

every time he wants to sleep with someone else.

That’s your problem.

-I break up with him. -Not mine.

Want one of these shots?

There is no test.

All of this fighting

is kind of becoming like white noise to me.

I’m not going to admit something I didn’t fucking do!

She talks sh-- about you.

You, you, you.

-Grand larceny, forgery. -You’re a liar.

[white noise]

Just used to it.

-Do you want water? -Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

Oh, I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

Galley, that is main course cleared.

Let’s get this done.

Where are those ice cream balls, please?

I need to put it together.

I’m going to have to adapt that.

Um, um, um, um...

I’m behind you. Sorry.

Quick, quick, quick. It’ll droop.

Thank God it’s a zombie

because it’s not going to look perfect

in any stretch of the imagination.

-I did! -Stay away from me.

Your hatred has been abundantly clear,

and I am not interested.

Leave me alone, okay? Leave me alone.

Enough of the fighting.

I know...

I said what I said, and I’m not taking it back.

You are boring.

[bleep] me. Can you do the eyes, please?

Yep.

What are these, zombie?

Pistachio ice cream zombies.

I ----ing hate working with ice cream.

Personally, I would have made them earlier.

And had them frozen.

Grab and go.

Grab and go, please. Thank you.

Just handle with care, please.

-No worries. -Go, go, go, go.

Thank you.

It’s melting, so we’ve got to hurry.

Yeah.

What’s real are our relationships,

her relationship with Seth.

This is so cute.

-Captain Jason. -Thank you.

There you go.

Oh, you guys, the zombies.

Oh, my gosh, they’re so cute.

And I ----ing cooked this, and it didn’t go on the dessert,

because I was too busy ----ing fixing that.

This is so good.

It’ll soften the blow to have your kind energy.

We’re ----ed for this one.

I don’t know why we chose to do an ice cream dessert.

I would have somehow managed to construct them

and keep them frozen.

I know that’s not what we did.

Then why didn’t you?

I’ll tell you why,

because I was actually seeing how you would cope

with this dessert.

It was a test, because I want to know where you struggle

and I want to see how quick you are.

I’ll tell you right now, it’s always dessert.

Okay, all right, well,

it wasn’t really,

we didn’t really make the dessert, really.

I mean, I made the chocolate, I made the coulis.

You did mold the ice cream,

but you didn’t make it.

Really, it was an assembly.

I think it’s a far stretch saying,

we made the dessert.

Alicia is a bull in a china shop.

He has been cheffing for over 20 ----ing years.

I’ve done it for two.

Like, pick up the pieces that you’re going to drop.

They were ----ed, man, just completely ----ed.

She didn’t actually make anything.

Nothing! Nothing!

I don’t give a [bleep] about that dessert.

I know, the saw is good.

Oh, thank you.

How’s the dessert, ladies?

Let’s try it and see.

Oh, this is so good.

I mean, I think we should talk about you and Jared

and all the things he says about other people.

We can, if you want.

The captain, don’t leave if it gets heated. Stay.

I’m not interested in you trying to interfere in my relationship

because you’re jealous that you can’t hold a man down.

I am not trying to interfere in a relationship.

Let’s ask the captain what he thinks.

So, if a guy is paying your bills

and goes and tells everyone behind your back

that he’s paying your bills...

He’s not paying my bills.

He told us he pays your bills.

I don’t know why he’s saying that.

Would you ever do that to a woman, captain?

Would you ever say that you pay someone’s bills when you don’t?

No, I wouldn’t do that.

No. I mean, he doesn’t pay my bills.

I will get you your dessert, but not meant to be there.

This is like the apocalypse.

This is how I envision the end of the world.

Look, I like engaging with a guest

and usually they’re asking me a lot of questions.

I can’t even get a word in.

I would have been eaten alive by them, I think.

Thank you for saving me from the zombies.

-What happened? -That was my fault.

There’s alarms going off.

Have I just set the bar for the season?

I don’t have to do anything there

for the rest of the season.

-You just keep doing that. -Yeah, okay.

Just keep doing that.

That was a good timing, though.

They asked me a question and I was trying to get around

and I was like, have you had some of this?

Yeah, I’ll try that. Thank you.

Two bloodthirsty men looking for some sexy singles.

Hi.

Did they turn out okay?

Yeah, perfect.

You hungry for a bit of cock... tail?

[laughing]

We’re ready for you, deck crew.

We’re ready for you for the dance.

God. [bleep]

The boat is a-----ing rocking.

Okay.

Go, go.

Oh, my God!

There are two seriously hungry men out there

and they are just bloodthirsty for single ladies.

They better be naked.

[cheering]

Where’s our single ladies?

I’m a single lady.

What?

Oh, you’re so beautiful!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Woo-hoo!

Yes!

Ah!

Oh, my God! Stop!

-I don’t think so... -Oh!

Bring it, baby. Bring it.

Oh, God!

Yes. There we go.

Ah!

Yes.

Oh, God.

I’m hoping that everyone’s distracted

by everything going on,

because I’m the stiffest zombie

that you’ve ever seen in your life.

And I don’t mean in a good way.

Heather!

Thank you, guys!

That was amazing.

That was seriously...

Thank you, Mikey and Joao!

I feel like I was less awkward,

but [bleep] me, I was awkward.

My legs were shaking.

-I’m so proud of you. -That’s so funny.

I’m so proud of you.

Love you, guys. Good night.

-Good night. -Love you.

Can you go to sleep?

-Sleep? -Yeah.

We’re going to bed.

You’re going to bed?

I’m going to be in here at nine. You can be in here at eight.

Oh, well done, Eddy.

You should be proud of yourself, mate.

You’ve ----ing crushed it today.

[back cracks]

Ah!

Chocolate muffins.

-All good? -Yeah.

-Let’s focus on main deck. -Okay.

And get the water stains out.

Thank you.

Thanks, how are you?

Which do you prefer, still, Mike, interior or exterior?

You know, I can’t pick and choose, Daisy, you know,

I can’t do that.

If you had to pick?

-I had to pick one? -Yeah.

Where can I chat the most, do you think?

-Hello, sexy man. -Morning, bro.

-Real good. -Good morning.

I’m loving these.

-Thanks. -That’s some look.

That’s not pigtails, is it?

-Horns. -Horns.

Devil horns.

I think he was trying.

Morning, fish. Joao’s lost a bit of weight.

He’s been a bit busy.

The muffin looks strange, yeah? What happened?

What did we do?

I did some chocolate.

I know I’m probably biased, but I don’t think they look too bad.

They’ve got nice tits on them.

Do we have any more muffin tins?

No.

[sighs]

They would be really good

if we didn’t fill them up so much, honey.

You just don’t do that. You just don’t ever fill up pastry.

I heard.

I know, but you’ve just got to understand.

Pastry will rise by double, if not three times.

Yeah. Always.

And they look like sh--.

Oh, thank you.

Pretty early in the season to be bickering.

It’s gonna be a long season.

[bleep]. Babe...

Next time, let’s not do that.

What happened to the bakery mix, the muffin mix?

I dumped it.

-In the bin? -Yes.

-My muffins? -Yeah.

So we can’t give them to the crew?

No.

They were still ----ing raw in the middle

because you put too much batter in, okay?

And I needed the muffin tins for the guests.

So I upturned them and threw the ----ers away.

Because if I cooked them,

we wouldn’t have time to cook the guests’ muffins

because we only had those trays.

I wasn’t trying to sabotage you or [bleep] you.

Taking a long time. I’m already stressed.

Are you ----ing for real right now?

Like, I think he’s trying to kill my self-esteem.

Nah.

Nah, go [bleep] yourself, to be honest.

They were still ----ing raw in the middle. All right?

I wasn’t trying to sabotage you or [bleep] you.

Hey, have you seen a juicer?

Yeah, there’s like five of them.

Come here, babe.

-These here. -Oh, this kind of thing.

-That’s a juicer. -Okay.

All right, let’s do this.

I’m just going to the toilet. I’ll be back in two minutes.

They’re going to have to replace the carpet

in Heather and Whitney’s room.

We are going to have to pay for this boat.

There is makeup and fake blood and self-tanner everywhere.

I know. We’ve ruined it.

[phone ringing]

-Hi, baby. -Hey, baby.

-How are you? -I’m good.

It’s so nice to hear your voice.

How’s it going in a galley?

It’s a ----ing nightmare, Bri.

Stop it right now.

I love Bri.

She’s part of my really cool circle in my heart.

And it’s not easy to stay friends after the season

because it’s so high-paced.

But I can call Bri in a crisis.

Any moment, I feel like everyone could do

with a Bri in their lives.

It’s been two days.

And I’ve already broken down in tears.

It’s like chipping away at my soul.

Like, money’s not worth this amount of sadness.

This early on, it’s a major red flag.

And you can’t keep yourself in a pressure cooker like that.

I was living, like, my best ----ing life out in Canada.

I have never been happier in my life.

And then to leave it all just to come on this boat

and to be basically treated like this?

Like, I literally can’t do a single ----ing thing right.

Yeah.

Thank you, my darling.

What’s up, Magic Mike?

Hi guys, how’s it going?

Hey, don’t forget your dildo.

-Thank you for that. -Uh-huh.

Try and spread the water out.

[knocking]

-Hi. -Hi.

What’s going on?

I can’t do the galley.

I can’t do Ben’s mood swings.

It’s so toxic.

I’m doing my absolute best,

and I can tolerate it for a certain amount of time,

but it’s three days in and I’m losing my head already.

Not even taking an hour, an hour.

I’m taking things every 10 minutes,

like today is going so long,

because it’s a 15-hour day,

and it’s hard for me just to keep counting.

It’s like, okay, it’ll be better in 15 minutes.

But it’s like, how many times do I have to tell myself that

before, it’s just like, it’s too much.

It’s genuinely, it’s genuinely like,

it’s genuinely too much.

It’s giving me a heart attack at 26.

Oh, that’s good.

Found that. Nice.

If you can find someone with a greater skill than me,

then... [sobs] please do that.

I hear you.

I don’t want you to go, but since day one,

we’re understaffed.

Yeah, definitely, definitely.

We had this vision of you coming out of the end

of it and just learning so much.

I’m really sorry.

I’m waving a white flag and I just can’t do it.