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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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I am so sorry.
2
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It meant nothing.
3
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Get away from me.
4
00:00:13,348 --> 00:00:15,416
You were never supposed to find out.
5
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I mean, not that I wanted
to keep it from you.
6
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I just didn't wanna hurt you.
7
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But I told you 'cause I couldn't go
8
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one more day with keeping a secret
9
00:00:21,311 --> 00:00:22,512
from the love of my life.
10
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Shut the fuck up.
11
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Absolutely.
12
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You're a shit person
13
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:27,962
and a fucking liar.
14
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I can't even look at you.
15
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:31,765
You shouldn't.
16
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I don't deserve your beautiful eyes.
17
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,536
You deserve prison.
18
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,904
Not only did you sleep
with my boyfriend,
19
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,038
you murdered him.
20
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,373
Nope. Nope.
21
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,342
Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna die
22
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,743
'cause I got the best mystery
solver in town working on it,
23
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,778
and she's gonna figure it
out before it gets to me.
24
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Where are you with that?
25
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:46,847
Do you even care
26
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:47,915
that you sleeping with Zack
27
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:48,916
means he's gonna die?
28
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Of course I do.
29
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,554
But what I care most about is you.
30
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,056
I would do anything to
take back what I did.
31
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Aw, what a poet.
32
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,060
You whisper poetry like
that in my boyfriend's ear
33
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,595
when you fucked him last night?
34
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I didn't fuck Zack last night.
35
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I fucked Richie last night.
36
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,102
You what?
37
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,504
I had sex with Richie to protect Isaac.
38
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,540
He kissed me in the rain,
and it was really romantic.
39
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,675
And I like him so much,
and he looked so hot.
40
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,477
And I wanted to sleep
with him, but I can't.
41
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,445
So I had sex with Isaac through Richie,
42
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,781
who I can't hurt because
he is my sex loophole.
43
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:23,551
Did you consider the possibility
44
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,387
of not having sex with anyone?
45
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I did not.
46
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,891
Did you see "Roxanne"?
47
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I did not.
48
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OK.
49
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,798
I know I can't defend
my actions with Zack.
50
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,800
Who's currently proving
himself indispensable.
51
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,570
But I was in such a bad
place at Robert's wedding
52
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,872
and so drunk and so high.
53
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,975
And I really did think you
guys were broken up for good.
54
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,411
Is that all it takes for
you to fuck my boyfriend?
55
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:51,712
An opening?
56
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,746
There is no excuse for what I did.
57
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,115
It was a terrible mistake
that we both regretted
58
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as soon as it happened.
59
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,851
That's another thing.
60
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,621
You both kept this sick
little secret from me
61
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,157
while I wandered around
here, trying to solve...
62
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,993
what are you doing?
63
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,595
Um...
64
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,662
I know the accuracy of the board
65
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,030
is important to you, so...
66
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,699
Is that a professional headshot?
67
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,734
Why are you blowing a gum bubble?
68
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,768
A few years ago, when I tried acting,
69
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:18,505
my agent said it would
make me seem more "zany."
70
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,141
You know what?
71
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,676
Zack is right.
72
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,779
It's important the sex
timeline be up-to-date.
73
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,629
Guess you fucked that too.
74
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,098
Solve your own mystery.
75
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:45,799
I'm done.
76
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,436
We're done.
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Get out of my apartment,
78
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,773
both of you.
79
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:56,176
It's my name on the lease, yes.
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00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,444
It's my apartment.
81
00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:45,561
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
82
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That's what I'm trying
to tell you, Tabitha.
83
00:03:57,425 --> 00:03:59,264
It's not plugged into a surge protector.
84
00:03:59,275 --> 00:04:00,810
It is literally raw dogging the wall,
85
00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:02,999
and I'm getting no steam.
86
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,278
There's no steam emanating...
87
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,546
From this device.
88
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,814
And now I have to go.
89
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,749
All right, Tabitha, thanks a lot.
90
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,818
Real help. I gotta...
I'll figure it out.
91
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,020
46 minutes.
92
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,158
Hey. Hey.
93
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,827
It's all right.
94
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:20,828
You're not the first
woman I've slept with
95
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:24,632
to show up at my door,
overcome with emotion.
96
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:28,135
Ladies always come back
for more Sweet Rich.
97
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,037
AJ kicked me out.
98
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,605
Aw.
99
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,706
Of course she did, sweetie.
100
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,275
You're a nightmare.
101
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,878
All right, now take off
your top and hop into bed.
102
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,814
Ugh. That is not what this is.
103
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,918
I need to figure out why my
vagina is killing people now,
104
00:04:43,918 --> 00:04:47,121
and as my sex loophole, it
is your social responsibility
105
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,689
to help me do that.
106
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:52,560
What I'm hearing is
that I'm so good in bed,
107
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,062
the memory will carry you to your grave.
108
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,697
Oh.
109
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,933
OK, bad joke.
110
00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,000
All right.
111
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,036
Why did AJ kick you out?
112
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,637
I don't wanna tell you.
113
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,739
- OK.
- I slept with her boyfriend.
114
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,741
Whoa. What the fuck?
115
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,343
This is why I didn't wanna tell you.
116
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,645
I could not have been clearer
that you didn't have to.
117
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,347
Can I please just stay here?
118
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:16,684
I have nowhere else to go, and
all my friends would judge me.
119
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:17,952
I'm judging you.
120
00:05:17,952 --> 00:05:22,156
Oh, girl, I don't care about that.
121
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,160
All right, well, feel free
to join me on my biscuit.
122
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,964
No, thank you.
123
00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:32,633
Otherwise, I am experiencing
a sciatica flare-up,
124
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,702
so I'm not giving up the bed.
125
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,371
But loveseat's yours.
126
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,106
This is not...
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00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,674
this isn't a loveseat.
128
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,942
I'm sorry.
129
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,978
Is that not enough room
for you and the huge dog
130
00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:46,113
that you just brought
into somebody else's home?
131
00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:49,250
That day that I came home...
132
00:05:50,885 --> 00:05:52,019
It wasn't just that,
like, I lost my home...
133
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,687
And a few days later,
134
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,022
I lost my freedom.
135
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,892
Like, that day, I lost
my friend, and I lost...
136
00:05:57,892 --> 00:06:00,194
Also...
137
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:03,130
Why are you still here?
138
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,832
'Cause I'm almost done
nailing the extension cord
139
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,133
to the baseboards.
140
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,402
The worst thing that I...
141
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,870
Frantically completing all the tasks
142
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,739
I've asked you to do
over the last four years
143
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,307
won't stop me from breaking up with you.
144
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,708
I-I changed the Brita filter.
145
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,976
I changed the HVAC filter.
146
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,177
I even changed the filter on that photo
147
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,647
I posted that you thought
made you look like Shaun White.
148
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,415
No, you... you... you said that it
149
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:24,385
made me look like Shaun White
in a comment under the photo.
150
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:28,255
And there is nothing you can
do to make up for what you did.
151
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,025
Not even if I got my channel
subscriber count up to 200,000,
152
00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:32,760
and I was... I was recently approached
153
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,395
by a hard-shell luggage advertiser?
154
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:35,729
Oh.
155
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,198
Well, that changes everything.
156
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,136
Look, please, AJ, I'm so sorry,
157
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:43,904
but you cannot break up with me.
158
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,206
Why, because you have to get your own
159
00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:46,840
Paramount+ subscription?
160
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,375
No, I don't even watch
Paramount Positive anymore,
161
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,678
ever since "Rise of the
Pink Ladies" got canceled.
162
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:51,912
Aw, don't do that. Not the corgi.
163
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,180
I got those for you.
164
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,883
Come on, no, not...
not Oswald Cobblepot.
165
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,218
Look, AJ, I'm... I'm sorry,
166
00:06:57,218 --> 00:06:58,886
but you cannot break up with me, OK?
167
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,020
Let's not... let's not forget
168
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,055
the headline of the main event here
169
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:03,023
- is that I'm dying.
- Don't do that.
170
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,258
Don't try to make me feel bad for you
171
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,794
because you fucked up worse
than you have ever fucked up.
172
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,230
That's fair. That's why...
173
00:07:09,230 --> 00:07:11,131
that's why I got you this.
174
00:07:14,068 --> 00:07:16,403
What the fuck is that?
175
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,806
It's Tickle Frog.
176
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,708
I ordered him from Japan.
177
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,345
Imagine getting tickled by these digits,
178
00:07:24,345 --> 00:07:26,280
these little bad boys.
179
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,124
I can't tell if you're
playing or fighting with him.
180
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,192
What?
181
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,498
Is that a house for them
all to live in together?
182
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,100
Yeah.
183
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:47,768
You should ask if they need a roommate.
184
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,136
Yeah.
185
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,838
Maybe I will because
they're pretty great company.
186
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,207
Oh, don't do that. Come on.
187
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:55,276
Don't do that. Not Free William.
188
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:56,377
Stop it.
189
00:07:56,377 --> 00:07:57,745
It's not gonna fit.
190
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:58,812
Get me another trash bag.
191
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,080
OK.
192
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,516
What was I thinking, sleeping with Zack?
193
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,919
What were you thinking?
194
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,153
I don't know.
195
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,022
We were at my ex Robert's wedding,
196
00:08:08,022 --> 00:08:10,357
and he had just called me selfish
197
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,793
in front of his old pediatrician.
198
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:18,032
Do you cut your own
hair with meat scissors?
199
00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:19,033
I do.
200
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:20,534
Don't beat yourself up.
201
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,036
A lot of people seek physical connection
202
00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:23,938
when they're in a bad emotional place.
203
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,373
Yes, that's exactly it.
204
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:29,476
When I panic, I turn to sex.
205
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:32,379
You see panic, turn to the
left... boom, there's sex.
206
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,414
Yeah.
207
00:08:33,414 --> 00:08:35,482
It goes panic, sex,
208
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:39,119
panic, sex, panic, sex, panic...
209
00:08:40,421 --> 00:08:42,389
What the fuck?
210
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,225
I thought it might help
you get back into the idea
211
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:46,026
of Cyrano sex since both Isaac
212
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,895
and Joe have boyish jawlines.
213
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,130
Why do you own a Joe Jonas mask?
214
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,466
Because I'm him for Halloween.
215
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,567
Every year?
216
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,269
Every year, yes.
217
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,037
OK, well, put on a goddamn robe.
218
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,840
This is not the time.
219
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,442
That's a shame.
220
00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:04,845
Besides, Isaac is way more
handsome than Joe Jonas.
221
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,381
That's an insane thing to say.
222
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,582
Uh, trust.
223
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,918
You didn't see him in the rain,
224
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,854
all sweet and wet and sexy.
225
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,457
He's perfect...
226
00:09:16,457 --> 00:09:19,827
which is why I need
to stay away from him.
227
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:22,096
Isn't that gonna be hard,
since he's paying you to plan
228
00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:25,132
his horny-for-his-parents
anniversary party?
229
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,067
I already asked my
coworker to cover my meeting
230
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,003
with Isaac tomorrow.
231
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,005
You and I are going to be
232
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,240
with the next person on my timeline...
233
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,475
Aubrey.
234
00:09:34,475 --> 00:09:38,212
She's... I don't know...
235
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:40,214
kind of my one that got away.
236
00:09:40,214 --> 00:09:41,215
Hmm.
237
00:09:44,285 --> 00:09:46,487
Well,
238
00:09:46,487 --> 00:09:47,955
sucks she's gonna die.
239
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,957
She's not.
240
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,626
I am taking a different
approach with her.
241
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,328
Warning my exes hasn't been working,
242
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:57,598
so I am going into full protection mode.
243
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,433
We are not going to leave her side.
244
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,634
Oh, so it's we now?
245
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,303
Yes.
246
00:10:02,303 --> 00:10:04,071
I need to figure out a way to stop this
247
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,173
before the timeline gets to Zack.
248
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:10,077
It is the only thing
I can still do for AJ.
249
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,512
They may not be together anymore,
250
00:10:11,512 --> 00:10:13,214
but I know she still loves him.
251
00:10:13,214 --> 00:10:15,182
OK, well, what do you want me to do?
252
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,084
Because we still don't know
why I'm your sex loophole.
253
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,352
I don't know.
254
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:21,322
Just, like, stand next
to her or something.
255
00:10:21,322 --> 00:10:24,024
It could be like an osmosis thing.
256
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,593
Well, I mean, I guess I can do that.
257
00:10:25,593 --> 00:10:28,362
My new job doesn't start
till the day after tomorrow.
258
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,135
What new job, you ask?
259
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,171
Oh, that's right. You didn't.
260
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:38,505
You actually haven't
asked me a single thing
261
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,040
since you got here.
262
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,909
I asked if you cut your
hair with meat scissors.
263
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:43,377
Elitism like that is exactly why
264
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,512
we're never gonna get
anything through Congress!
265
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:49,650
Well, since I don't appear
to be dying anytime soon,
266
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:53,153
I decided to get a job at
Queen Anne Toyota dealership
267
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,290
to make a little, you know, money.
268
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:58,993
And I'm steaming the polo
because you only get one chance
269
00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:00,060
to make a first impression,
270
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,263
but it's proving very difficult.
271
00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:05,532
This machine is not intuitive.
272
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:08,302
And yes, before you ask,
there is water in the tank.
273
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:11,071
It...
274
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,107
Unbelievable.
275
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:15,242
What are you doing?
276
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,377
I was in the middle of telling...
277
00:11:16,377 --> 00:11:18,579
Fuck your story! People are dying!
278
00:11:18,579 --> 00:11:19,647
Is that my T-shirt?
279
00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:21,081
Yes!
280
00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:26,687
I would put the party buffet over here,
281
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,323
close to the kitchen.
282
00:11:29,323 --> 00:11:31,625
OK.
283
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,295
It makes it easier
for the kitchen staff.
284
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:36,497
Yeah, and that's what's
important, isn't it?
285
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:40,067
Making this event as easy as
possible for the kitchen staff.
286
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,539
- Hey.
- Hey.
287
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,640
Look who's here.
288
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,242
It's the son of the hour.
289
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:50,010
- That's a son with an O.
- Where's Ruby?
290
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,212
Oh, she's not here today.
291
00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:52,513
It's just you and me, and I'm excited.
292
00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,548
I'm excited to show you what I can do.
293
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,716
Bye.
294
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,651
All right, let me just show
you what I have set up here.
295
00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,356
Thought we'd go over the
seating arrangements today.
296
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,325
Now, this is a great
time to tell me anyone
297
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:06,694
we should keep separated...
conservative aunts...
298
00:12:06,694 --> 00:12:08,562
- Mm-hmm.
- And mouthy cousins
299
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,664
who have thoughts about organized labor.
300
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:12,299
Sure. Sounds good.
301
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,102
Hey.
302
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,704
Is everything OK?
303
00:12:16,704 --> 00:12:19,139
Yeah. Yeah, no, totally.
304
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:21,442
I was just expecting
to meet with Ruby today.
305
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:23,677
No offense.
306
00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:26,013
These tiny tables are so cute.
307
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,685
Hey.
308
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,687
Boy to boy,
309
00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:35,789
something happen between you guys?
310
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,458
Boy to boy?
311
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,297
OK, truth is, Merci and I broke up,
312
00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:45,032
and Ruby and I kissed the other night.
313
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,300
- Yeah.
- Oh.
314
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:47,768
She has a lot going on
in her personal life,
315
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:50,337
so we decided to take a beat
while she sorts things out.
316
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:53,741
But I didn't think that
meant she'd start avoiding me.
317
00:12:53,741 --> 00:12:56,243
Hate to say it,
but I've seen this before.
318
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,045
Don't get me wrong.
319
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,647
Huge Ruby fan. So great.
320
00:12:59,647 --> 00:13:00,681
So fun, you know?
321
00:13:00,681 --> 00:13:02,149
But this is what she does.
322
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,084
She draws people in, which, jealous,
323
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,453
but then she's in control.
324
00:13:05,464 --> 00:13:06,635
She writes the narrative.
325
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:08,055
You get what she wants to give you
326
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,590
when she wants to give it.
327
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:12,793
What are you saying?
328
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,461
Huh.
329
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,397
I felt like that was super clear.
330
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:21,702
I guess the headline is,
331
00:13:21,702 --> 00:13:23,103
welcome to the Ruby Show.
332
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:35,382
Is this it?
333
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,085
Why are you asking me where
your ex-girlfriend works?
334
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,287
Yeah, I think this is it.
335
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,859
I can't believe it took you so long
336
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,161
to pick out that outfit.
337
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:48,462
Of course you can't.
338
00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:50,431
You dress like a teenage boy with mono.
339
00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,501
- Oh, boy.
- Richie?
340
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,704
Ooh, I love what's about to happen.
341
00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,239
Hi, Chelsea.
342
00:13:58,239 --> 00:13:59,640
What are you doing here?
343
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,575
You said we had to break
up because you were dying.
344
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,644
Do you have a colostomy bag I can't see?
345
00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:04,745
Where's your bag?
346
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:05,985
I don't see a bag. Where's your bag?
347
00:14:05,996 --> 00:14:07,882
Or did you make that up
so you could date her?
348
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:09,884
Oh, no, please leave me out of this.
349
00:14:09,884 --> 00:14:11,552
I just wanna watch.
350
00:14:11,552 --> 00:14:13,387
I promise you, I did not make it up.
351
00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:17,524
But I did find out that
I'm not actually dying.
352
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,360
Yay.
353
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,896
Unfortunately, I think
we should remain broken up
354
00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:24,665
because I still hate how you use
355
00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:26,367
the "not me" sentence structure.
356
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:29,136
"Not me" sentence structure?
357
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,638
"Not me getting broken up with."
358
00:14:30,638 --> 00:14:32,640
Not me having wet nails,
359
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,808
so I can't slap the shit out of you.
360
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,777
Yeah, that's right.
361
00:14:36,777 --> 00:14:38,245
I'm still gonna use it.
362
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:41,282
I'm not gonna let you
rob me of my joy, bitch.
363
00:14:41,282 --> 00:14:43,417
Good luck with this asshole, honey.
364
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:49,256
Not you dating a girl
who doesn't get gels.
365
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,524
OK, well, it's also disgusting
366
00:14:50,524 --> 00:14:52,693
to wear the same nail
polish for over a month.
367
00:14:53,694 --> 00:14:56,664
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
368
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:02,636
Oh, God.
369
00:15:02,636 --> 00:15:04,171
Look at her.
370
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:17,685
- Are my eyes red?
- What?
371
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,386
My eyes get really red when
I don't get enough sleep,
372
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,821
and I only slept nine hours.
373
00:15:20,821 --> 00:15:22,656
- Are they red?
- Wow.
374
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:24,592
You're really pressed about this girl.
375
00:15:24,592 --> 00:15:26,427
I told you.
376
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,495
Aubrey's different.
377
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:29,630
She's...
378
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:30,898
special.
379
00:15:30,898 --> 00:15:32,199
We're gonna stay with her
380
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,468
as long as it takes to keep her safe.
381
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,469
Great.
382
00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:37,238
Well, I'll be sure to
give you the same grace
383
00:15:37,238 --> 00:15:39,573
you gave to me when I
confronted my ex 40 seconds ago.
384
00:15:39,573 --> 00:15:42,509
You are a terrible AJ replacement.
385
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,812
Does that mean you
won't fuck my boyfriend?
386
00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:49,216
After you.
387
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,321
It doesn't hurt that much.
388
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,789
Ohhh!
389
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,491
Aubrey?
390
00:15:57,491 --> 00:15:58,759
Jesus.
391
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,327
Wow.
392
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,529
Hey, Ruby.
393
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,232
I-I thought I saw
you lingering outside.
394
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,533
You grew your hair out.
395
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:10,271
You know, it turns out,
you need a very specific
396
00:16:10,271 --> 00:16:11,672
type of head for an asymmetrical buzz,
397
00:16:11,672 --> 00:16:14,008
and... and I don't have it.
398
00:16:14,008 --> 00:16:15,543
It's knob city limits up here.
399
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:17,311
Oh, my God.
400
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,380
I just... I totally
forgot you work here.
401
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,548
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, my God.
402
00:16:20,548 --> 00:16:21,949
Who am I? Elle Woods?
403
00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,751
I totally forgot you go here.
404
00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,486
Here's my little dog. There's no dog.
405
00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:28,522
It's just dust, but I
will clean it for you.
406
00:16:29,790 --> 00:16:31,725
How are you?
407
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,762
This is just such a crazy coincidence.
408
00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:38,699
We... we should sit down
in a cozy, quiet place
409
00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:41,402
and catch up right now,
have a safe little dinner.
410
00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:42,536
You still love prime rib?
411
00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:44,471
Ooh, surely that's not a question
412
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,673
any woman wants to be asked.
413
00:16:45,673 --> 00:16:48,375
Yeah, I... honestly, I can't.
414
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,744
I'm about to go ax-throwing
at the bar across the street.
415
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,580
No, absolutely not. You're not.
416
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:54,281
Jesus.
417
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,650
I mean...
418
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:59,920
I just really need a tattoo right now.
419
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,323
Uh, ooh.
420
00:17:02,323 --> 00:17:03,857
Uh, "That's all, folks."
421
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,492
That could be interesting.
422
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,660
And appropriate.
423
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,895
Shh.
424
00:17:14,602 --> 00:17:17,071
They were really good ideas.
425
00:17:17,071 --> 00:17:18,439
They were not good ideas.
426
00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:20,007
Oh, come on.
427
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:21,642
A hyperrealistic Betty Boop?
428
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:22,776
That would have been a sick tattoo.
429
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,879
That would have been creepy.
Why would you want that?
430
00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:26,981
You're just saying that 'cause
you know you couldn't do it.
431
00:17:26,981 --> 00:17:28,649
Oh, I could have done it.
432
00:17:28,649 --> 00:17:32,086
Kate Beckinsale with, like,
what was it, aviator goggles?
433
00:17:32,086 --> 00:17:33,312
That one would have been hard.
434
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:34,521
Well, you know how much "Serendipity"
435
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,956
and aviation mean to me.
436
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,626
Well, I think you made the right choice.
437
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:41,862
Aw.
438
00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:43,597
Is that a R for Richie?
439
00:17:43,597 --> 00:17:44,865
That's so sweet, babe.
440
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:45,966
Stop it.
441
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:47,968
I am not your babe. He is not my babe.
442
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:49,470
We are not together.
443
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,839
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
444
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:53,007
Excuse me?
445
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:54,041
No, nothing.
446
00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:56,377
Just remembering that, uh,
447
00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:58,746
you had a hard time defining us.
448
00:17:58,746 --> 00:18:00,848
Why we gotta be put in a box?
449
00:18:00,848 --> 00:18:02,950
And you felt like we needed a break
450
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:05,452
to rediscover ourselves as individuals.
451
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,454
Is that not healthy?
452
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,890
And seeing you now, it's clear
453
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:13,093
that you haven't fully
dealt with your shit.
454
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,095
What is that supposed to mean?
455
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,032
Ow!
456
00:18:18,032 --> 00:18:20,901
I'll be more gentle.
457
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:22,036
Thank you.
458
00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:25,506
You like to keep one foot
out of every relationship
459
00:18:25,506 --> 00:18:26,874
that you're in.
460
00:18:26,874 --> 00:18:29,643
It's 'cause of your
crippling intimacy issues.
461
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:30,978
It's why you couldn't handle us.
462
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:33,847
That is not at all how I
remember our relationship.
463
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,516
We had no problem with intimacy.
464
00:18:35,516 --> 00:18:37,017
We were graphically intimate.
465
00:18:37,017 --> 00:18:38,385
My cleaning lady quit.
466
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,920
That was sex.
467
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:40,955
That's different.
468
00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:43,624
We dated for over a year,
and you tried to keep me
469
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,626
from ever really knowing you.
470
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:47,561
You never showed any vulnerability.
471
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,663
People always say that.
472
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:51,599
"Show vulnerability."
473
00:18:51,599 --> 00:18:52,866
What does that even mean?
474
00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:54,802
It means, it took you six months
475
00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,537
to tell me that you
hadn't talked to your dad
476
00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:57,905
since you were 18.
477
00:18:57,905 --> 00:19:00,407
You never asked.
478
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,709
I literally asked you,
479
00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:02,977
"When was the last time
you talked to your dad?"
480
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:05,012
And you were like,
"Sydney Sweeney is so hot,
481
00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:06,981
but it's, like, enough
with the Broncos."
482
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:08,682
Well, it is.
483
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:11,151
I would let her drive one
right over my mother's face.
484
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,020
Back it up. Do it again.
485
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,822
What's your point, Aubrey?
486
00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:17,992
You're afraid that if
you let anyone know you,
487
00:19:17,992 --> 00:19:19,927
you'll get left again.
488
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:23,998
So you subconsciously do
something to push them away
489
00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:25,633
before that can happen.
490
00:19:25,633 --> 00:19:28,469
Which I'm guessing
is what you did to AJ?
491
00:19:28,469 --> 00:19:29,970
You talked to AJ?
492
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:31,972
No,
493
00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:34,808
but you're at your worst
when she's not around.
494
00:19:34,808 --> 00:19:36,777
And I've never seen you this bad.
495
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:41,782
Every couple keeps secrets
from each other, Ruby.
496
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,817
Mine was,
497
00:19:43,817 --> 00:19:46,153
I knew you long before
you pushed me away.
498
00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:56,764
There's just this, like...
499
00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:59,099
emptiness I keep trying to fill
500
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:01,235
with all the wrong things.
501
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:07,575
I don't even know why.
502
00:20:07,575 --> 00:20:09,944
You know why.
503
00:20:09,944 --> 00:20:11,612
Your mother's death.
504
00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:15,950
Your... your dad just
up and leaving after.
505
00:20:20,154 --> 00:20:22,756
I know it hurts,
506
00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:25,893
but if you really wanna move forward,
507
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:30,497
you have to deal with
the pain of your past.
508
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,666
How am I supposed to even do that?
509
00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:36,737
You know what you need to do.
510
00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:38,606
Actually talk to your dad.
511
00:20:38,606 --> 00:20:41,242
Try and... I don't know...
512
00:20:41,242 --> 00:20:42,743
clear up some of that trauma.
513
00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:49,683
It wasn't me!
514
00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:51,785
I didn't... I didn't shoot.
515
00:20:51,785 --> 00:20:54,054
Fuck! Check my body cam.
516
00:20:54,054 --> 00:20:55,689
Ah, fuck! It's off!
517
00:21:19,113 --> 00:21:20,114
What are...
518
00:21:20,114 --> 00:21:22,917
Do you have a printer?
519
00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:24,192
No.
520
00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:28,856
But if you send it to
the lady down the hall,
521
00:21:28,856 --> 00:21:31,125
she'll usually just
slide it under the door.
522
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:34,762
It's HP 3158736 LaserJet.
523
00:21:34,762 --> 00:21:36,664
Use tray two.
524
00:21:40,067 --> 00:21:41,235
Sorry.
525
00:21:41,235 --> 00:21:42,803
What are you writing?
526
00:21:42,803 --> 00:21:44,038
A letter to my dad.
527
00:21:44,038 --> 00:21:45,873
I've put it off for too long, and,
528
00:21:45,873 --> 00:21:48,976
in a way, it was Aubrey's last wish.
529
00:21:48,976 --> 00:21:50,878
Are you sure you wanna
do that right now?
530
00:21:50,878 --> 00:21:52,846
Well, what I wanna do right now
531
00:21:52,846 --> 00:21:54,748
is never be with a man again.
532
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:55,950
I have always known that I was queer,
533
00:21:55,950 --> 00:21:59,620
but I am queerer than I thought.
534
00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,188
Do you want shrimp?
535
00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:02,623
What?
536
00:22:02,623 --> 00:22:05,659
I am going to order shrimp,
537
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:07,161
the cold kind you peel with your hands.
538
00:22:07,161 --> 00:22:09,330
Uh, no, I'm OK.
539
00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:10,965
Oh, see?
540
00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:13,968
A woman would have said yes to shrimp.
541
00:22:15,336 --> 00:22:17,771
What is this?
542
00:22:17,771 --> 00:22:19,173
Why are you acting
like when Buzz Lightyear
543
00:22:19,173 --> 00:22:21,041
became Mrs. Nesbitt?
544
00:22:21,041 --> 00:22:23,711
I've never seen "Toy Story."
545
00:22:23,711 --> 00:22:24,778
Yes, you have.
546
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:26,747
No, I haven't.
547
00:22:26,747 --> 00:22:28,215
- You have.
- Um, I haven't.
548
00:22:28,215 --> 00:22:29,917
Yes, you have seen "Toy Story," Ruby!
549
00:22:29,917 --> 00:22:31,986
No, I haven't! I haven't seen it!
550
00:22:31,986 --> 00:22:33,921
I haven't seen it, and maybe I have.
551
00:22:33,921 --> 00:22:35,990
And maybe I have and I'm
trying to forget it, OK?
552
00:22:35,990 --> 00:22:38,292
Maybe I thought it was
fucked when RC smashed
553
00:22:38,292 --> 00:22:40,361
into Mr. Potato Head
and his head exploded
554
00:22:40,361 --> 00:22:42,229
all over the moving van and...
555
00:22:42,229 --> 00:22:44,331
and Rex and Bo-Peep just had to stand
556
00:22:44,331 --> 00:22:46,200
and fucking watch it happen.
557
00:22:48,736 --> 00:22:50,337
All right. All right.
558
00:22:50,337 --> 00:22:52,273
Come here.
559
00:22:54,675 --> 00:22:55,743
It's OK.
560
00:22:55,743 --> 00:22:58,112
It's not OK.
561
00:22:58,112 --> 00:23:00,714
Aubrey's gone.
562
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:04,251
She's just fucking gone.
563
00:23:04,251 --> 00:23:08,422
She was the only person who's
ever seen who I really am.
564
00:23:08,422 --> 00:23:10,991
I'm so sorry, Ruby.
565
00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,163
Hey, listen to me.
566
00:23:21,435 --> 00:23:24,271
I see who you really are.
567
00:23:30,444 --> 00:23:32,980
I'm gonna make us a drink.
568
00:23:45,893 --> 00:23:49,697
So many people are dead.
569
00:23:49,697 --> 00:23:52,366
What's the point of even trying
to solve this thing anymore?
570
00:23:52,366 --> 00:23:53,467
What do you mean?
571
00:23:53,467 --> 00:23:56,403
I mean nothing is working.
572
00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:59,039
Oh, no.
573
00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:00,294
No way.
574
00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:01,742
You can't give up now.
575
00:24:01,742 --> 00:24:04,178
Aubrey wouldn't want that.
576
00:24:04,178 --> 00:24:07,281
And neither would David or Brandon
577
00:24:07,281 --> 00:24:08,749
or Stu Jackward.
578
00:24:10,484 --> 00:24:13,153
You remember my dead exes' names.
579
00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:15,856
Well, given the circumstances,
580
00:24:15,856 --> 00:24:17,291
I don't think that's
as creepy as it sounds.
581
00:24:18,993 --> 00:24:22,162
Now, I don't have an iPad Mini like AJ,
582
00:24:22,162 --> 00:24:25,933
but I do have Mrs.
Martyushev's LaserJet.
583
00:24:30,304 --> 00:24:33,841
The next person on the timeline is...
584
00:24:33,841 --> 00:24:35,309
Brad.
585
00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:37,912
Um, why does his name have
three question marks after it?
586
00:24:37,912 --> 00:24:39,313
Because I remember we hooked up,
587
00:24:39,313 --> 00:24:42,082
but I don't remember if we had sex.
588
00:24:44,184 --> 00:24:46,053
AJ used to love trying to remember
589
00:24:46,053 --> 00:24:49,123
if I had sex with someone.
590
00:24:49,123 --> 00:24:50,491
Look, if there's anything we've learned,
591
00:24:50,491 --> 00:24:52,760
it's that life is short.
592
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,396
I think you should reach out to AJ.
593
00:24:55,396 --> 00:24:56,497
Who knows?
594
00:24:56,497 --> 00:24:59,366
Maybe she's processed it
and is in a forgiving mood.
595
00:25:01,268 --> 00:25:04,338
Delete.
596
00:25:04,338 --> 00:25:06,907
Ignore, bitch.
597
00:25:06,907 --> 00:25:08,209
Delete.
598
00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:11,145
Skinny arm on me.
599
00:25:11,145 --> 00:25:12,146
Crop.
600
00:25:16,217 --> 00:25:17,418
- Say it again.
- Oh.
601
00:25:17,418 --> 00:25:19,119
Say what you just said.
602
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:20,988
I've never voted!
603
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:24,959
- ♪ Somebody once told me ♪
- Oh, my God.
604
00:25:24,959 --> 00:25:26,126
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
605
00:25:26,126 --> 00:25:28,229
Oh, my God.
606
00:25:28,229 --> 00:25:30,264
God damn it.
607
00:25:30,264 --> 00:25:32,499
Hey, film us. You need to film us.
608
00:25:32,499 --> 00:25:33,801
Shouldn't we be working?
609
00:25:33,801 --> 00:25:34,902
OK, boo!
610
00:25:34,902 --> 00:25:36,837
So boring.
611
00:25:36,837 --> 00:25:38,339
OK, you ready?
612
00:25:38,339 --> 00:25:40,941
You ready? Ready? Ready?
613
00:25:40,941 --> 00:25:42,376
♪ Well, the years start comin' ♪
614
00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:44,311
How do we remember this dance?
615
00:25:44,311 --> 00:25:45,579
I don't know.
616
00:25:45,579 --> 00:25:47,014
Oh, hey, I'm Ruby.
617
00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:48,382
I'm the center of the universe.
618
00:25:48,382 --> 00:25:50,150
Now watch me do a stupid fucking dance
619
00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:52,419
to a perfect fucking song.
620
00:25:52,419 --> 00:25:53,821
What?
621
00:25:57,124 --> 00:25:58,559
What... what are we doing?
622
00:25:58,559 --> 00:25:59,994
Are we going towards me or you?
623
00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:01,061
Yes, we're going towards you. Yes.
624
00:26:01,061 --> 00:26:02,830
To the right. Keep going.
Keep going. Keep going.
625
00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:04,431
Is my shirt wrinkled in the back?
626
00:26:04,431 --> 00:26:06,033
Why are you acting like
an eighth grade girl
627
00:26:06,046 --> 00:26:07,248
with her first hair straightener?
628
00:26:07,259 --> 00:26:08,536
- It's your right shoulder.
- It's fine.
629
00:26:08,536 --> 00:26:10,571
Bring it back.
630
00:26:10,571 --> 00:26:11,605
Hey, Brad.
631
00:26:11,605 --> 00:26:13,173
Oh, good. You're here.
632
00:26:13,658 --> 00:26:15,543
- OK.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
633
00:26:15,543 --> 00:26:16,610
Of course. What's up?
634
00:26:16,610 --> 00:26:18,879
Well, um...
635
00:26:18,879 --> 00:26:20,114
Shh. Hey, Brenda.
636
00:26:20,114 --> 00:26:22,416
Please, we'll do this later.
637
00:26:23,951 --> 00:26:25,986
Sorry about that.
638
00:26:25,986 --> 00:26:28,589
So you remember how we
hooked up a couple times
639
00:26:28,589 --> 00:26:30,024
for a stretch there?
640
00:26:30,024 --> 00:26:31,859
It was obviously super casual,
641
00:26:31,859 --> 00:26:33,093
almost like a handshake.
642
00:26:33,093 --> 00:26:35,596
Oh, look, the Ruby Show is in town.
643
00:26:35,596 --> 00:26:37,464
Well, it is not important why,
644
00:26:37,464 --> 00:26:40,534
but... actually, it's
super important why.
645
00:26:40,534 --> 00:26:44,505
But how I say it sort of
depends on your answer to this.
646
00:26:46,006 --> 00:26:49,043
I sort of can't remember
if we actually...
647
00:26:49,043 --> 00:26:51,078
slept together or not.
648
00:26:52,479 --> 00:26:54,181
What, you gonna Me Too
me? Is this your lawyer?
649
00:26:54,181 --> 00:26:57,025
- College is a scam.
- What? No.
650
00:26:57,036 --> 00:26:58,152
Are you worried I'm gonna Me Too you?
651
00:26:58,152 --> 00:26:59,367
- Is that the problem?
- No.
652
00:26:59,378 --> 00:27:01,188
No one is Me Too-ing anyone.
653
00:27:01,188 --> 00:27:03,324
I just need to know.
654
00:27:03,324 --> 00:27:05,492
All right.
655
00:27:05,492 --> 00:27:08,395
Well, no.
656
00:27:08,395 --> 00:27:09,684
Never had sex.
657
00:27:09,984 --> 00:27:11,432
Just hand stuff, over the clothes.
658
00:27:11,432 --> 00:27:13,100
- Hand stuff.
- You know, a little honk-honk,
659
00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:14,602
a little rub-a-dub-a-doo.
660
00:27:14,602 --> 00:27:16,136
Thank God.
661
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:18,205
Oh, boy, the hits just
keep on coming, don't they?
662
00:27:18,205 --> 00:27:19,940
No, no, no. It's not that.
663
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:21,208
It's...
664
00:27:21,208 --> 00:27:23,210
OK, this is going to sound super crazy,
665
00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:26,080
but something really
terrible has been happening
666
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,015
to all the people I've had sex with.
667
00:27:28,015 --> 00:27:30,684
They're kind of dying.
668
00:27:30,684 --> 00:27:34,154
They're definitely dying, actually,
669
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:35,923
in the order I slept with them.
670
00:27:35,923 --> 00:27:37,558
And not from STDs or anything.
671
00:27:37,558 --> 00:27:42,696
They're, like, really
random, often violent deaths.
672
00:27:42,696 --> 00:27:44,498
No. It's OK.
673
00:27:44,498 --> 00:27:47,635
You and I didn't sleep
together, so you're safe.
674
00:27:47,635 --> 00:27:50,104
It's Brad!
675
00:27:50,104 --> 00:27:51,672
- AJ?
- Back up, Robert Durst.
676
00:27:51,672 --> 00:27:53,173
I heard your burped confession.
677
00:27:53,173 --> 00:27:54,375
It's him. It's Brad.
678
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:55,976
What are you talking about?
679
00:27:55,976 --> 00:27:57,278
Just watch.
680
00:27:57,278 --> 00:27:58,546
♪ Hey, now, you're ♪
681
00:27:58,546 --> 00:27:59,580
Thanks, Brad.
682
00:27:59,580 --> 00:28:01,282
Can't wait to take
advantage of your kindness
683
00:28:01,282 --> 00:28:03,284
and your ambition again soon.
684
00:28:03,284 --> 00:28:05,319
I hate you, Ruby. You
hear me? I hate you.
685
00:28:05,319 --> 00:28:07,388
♪ Get paid ♪
686
00:28:07,388 --> 00:28:08,455
But guess what. Guess what.
687
00:28:08,455 --> 00:28:09,657
I have a little secret for you.
688
00:28:09,657 --> 00:28:12,026
You want to hear it?
689
00:28:12,026 --> 00:28:13,661
I put a hex on you.
690
00:28:13,661 --> 00:28:16,096
♪ The mold ♪
691
00:28:16,096 --> 00:28:18,532
♪ And all that glitters is gold ♪
692
00:28:20,134 --> 00:28:21,669
♪ Only shootin' stars ♪
693
00:28:21,669 --> 00:28:22,970
I guess it's working.
694
00:28:22,970 --> 00:28:27,753
♪ Break the mold ♪
695
00:28:28,103 --> 00:28:33,103
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
696
00:29:20,227 --> 00:29:22,196
I think that's a good idea.
48042
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