Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:06,007
So, long story short, that's
why I bring my own salt.
2
00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:08,718
Fascinating.
3
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:13,056
Uh, excuse me!
4
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,892
I specifically asked
for no mayonnaise.
5
00:00:15,892 --> 00:00:17,727
That's our signature
house aioli.
6
00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:20,480
Mayo is aioli!
7
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:24,275
Mayo is the devil's
condiment! Ugh!
8
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,738
Bingo. Miss?
9
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,577
I couldn't help but notice
you hating on mayo.
10
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,620
Paul here --
11
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,121
Travis!
12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,121
Whatever.
13
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,581
He also hates mayo,
14
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:41,626
so maybe you two
can, you know, talk?
15
00:00:43,002 --> 00:00:45,463
All white sauces
are a no for me.
16
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,048
Mayo, ranch.
17
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:51,219
Urp! The sound of the word
"ranch" makes me want to vomit.
18
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,012
Kiss me, you dreamboat!
19
00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:00,728
And then they made out
over dry sandos. Ugh!
20
00:01:00,812 --> 00:01:02,605
If it makes you feel
any better,
21
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,982
I totally crashed
and burned on my last date.
22
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,276
Literally.
We went go-kart racing.
23
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,822
I T-boned her car
and singed off my leg hair.
24
00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:13,825
You have a way better chance of
meeting someone new than I do.
25
00:01:13,825 --> 00:01:16,285
Oh, can you imagine
if you met someone first?
26
00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:17,829
And moved on?
27
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,503
Aah!
28
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,921
Whoops.
Sorry about that.
29
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,464
Wouldn't want
to accidentally
30
00:01:28,548 --> 00:01:29,882
rekindle our
relationship, right?
31
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:33,094
Yeah. Right.
Like that could ever happen.
32
00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,474
Bridgette! We wanted you
to be the first to know.
33
00:01:38,558 --> 00:01:40,601
Both: We're engaged!
34
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,521
I hope you don't mind, but we
told all our single friends
35
00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:45,439
that you were the one
who set us up!
36
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,400
- Bridgette!
- I'm desperate!
37
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,568
Me next!
38
00:01:48,568 --> 00:01:50,486
Okaaaaay.
39
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,751
You want me
to be a matchmaker?
40
00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,920
Everyone I go out with
is a total freak!
41
00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:11,591
Exactly. And all those freaks
want to meet their soul mates.
42
00:02:13,426 --> 00:02:17,763
Alright.
Who's ready to get monogamied?!
43
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:22,476
♪ Can't explain all the feelings
that you're making me feel ♪
44
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,731
♪ My heart's in overdrive ♪
45
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:29,400
♪ And you're behind
the steering wheel ♪
46
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:37,241
♪ Touching you ♪
47
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,786
♪ Touching me ♪
48
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:45,041
♪ Touching you, God,
you're touching me ♪
49
00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:49,295
♪ I believe in a thing
called love ♪
50
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,380
♪ Just listen to the rhythm
of my heart ♪
51
00:02:51,464 --> 00:02:52,798
♪ There's a chance... ♪
52
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:56,052
Great. Now everyone in town
has a date but me.
53
00:02:56,052 --> 00:02:57,970
Alex:
Uh, not everybody.
54
00:02:58,054 --> 00:03:00,264
What'd you lose in the couch
this time, goofus?
55
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,974
My favorite...
56
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:07,396
It's about a Viking
57
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,023
murder horse that...
58
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:14,070
Bridgette here.
Hottest matchmaker in town.
59
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:15,780
I'm Hannah.
60
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,865
I teach at a small
liberal-arts college,
61
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:22,245
and I'm looking for a guy who
gets my passion for Viking lore.
62
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,622
Ohh.
You like Vikings?
63
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,082
Uh, duh-doy!
64
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:29,961
And I'd love a guy in tweed...
who wears glasses...
65
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:31,420
Ha!
66
00:03:31,504 --> 00:03:33,589
...and has unkempt facial hair
that kind of smells
67
00:03:33,673 --> 00:03:36,717
like if hummus fermented
in a beard for six years.
68
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:39,595
If he did exist,
which he doesn't,
69
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:41,430
you'd hit it off, right?
70
00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:43,099
Ohh, yeah!
Alex: It's gone!
71
00:03:43,099 --> 00:03:44,642
I'm sorry, but I don't
know anyone that --
72
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,103
And now I'll never be able
to find another copy
73
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:48,688
of "Need for Steed 3..."
74
00:03:48,688 --> 00:03:51,440
Both:
"Tales of a Norse Horse."
75
00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:54,110
Is that the Bronze Anniversary
Special Edition?!
76
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:56,696
And the 14-hour
director's cut!
77
00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:59,073
♪ I believe in a thing
called love ♪
78
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,950
♪ Just listen to the rhythm
of my heart ♪
79
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,119
♪ There's a chance we could make
it now, we'll be rocking... ♪
80
00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:05,079
Well, thanks!
81
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,039
He'll get this back to you
after he's done.
82
00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:09,875
Do you wanna maybe
watch this in my room?
83
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,961
Please tell me you live
in a cramped space
84
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,296
with no ventilation.
85
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,840
I call it "a closet."
86
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,508
Ooh!
87
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,720
Hey! What are you --
88
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,265
Bridgette,
you truly are the best!
89
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,768
Arghhh!
90
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,484
Good morning,
Bridgette!
91
00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:38,529
Heyyy.
You, uh, slept over?
92
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,156
Yeah!
We were up so late
93
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,158
geeking out over
ancient Norse runes.
94
00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:45,077
Ohhh. So you only crashed here
'cause you were tired.
95
00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,912
Yeah.
96
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:49,457
And we had sex.
97
00:04:51,751 --> 00:04:53,252
All yours!
98
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,129
Greaaaaat.
99
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,049
Uh-oh!
100
00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:00,593
Bridgette doing chores.
What's wrong?
101
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,803
Have you met
Alex's new friend?!
102
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:07,141
No, but are you maybe,
uh, jealous?
103
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,684
Me?! Jealous?!
104
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:14,398
Eh, don't mind us. Just two
lovebirds looking for a snack.
105
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,067
Chirp, chirp.
106
00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:22,531
I need to get out of here!
107
00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:26,160
So, uh, I'm looking for
someone tough like me.
108
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,746
Casual horseback falconry?
What --
109
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,998
HanbergerLoveJourney?
110
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:33,834
Ugh! He never made up
a hashtag for me!
111
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,503
is this a bad time?
112
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,838
No, no. Not at all. Here.
113
00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,548
Oh. Okay.
114
00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:42,968
Unh! Guh!
115
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,223
What does he --
116
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,600
I knew
they wouldn't work out!
117
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:55,481
Unh! Ow! We should, uh,
establish a safe word.
118
00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,109
Ooh, you're back!
119
00:05:58,109 --> 00:05:59,944
Mm-hmm.
What'd you want to talk about?
120
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:01,904
Uh, look.
121
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,948
I know things
have been weird.
122
00:06:03,948 --> 00:06:06,200
Weird? What?
How?
123
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,077
You know,
me being with Hannah
124
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:10,496
and us still sharing
a very thin wall.
125
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:13,999
Ohhh! That! No, that's fine.
That's fine. I'm fine.
126
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,752
no, I've just been super busy
having similar sex
127
00:06:16,836 --> 00:06:18,087
with tons of dudes.
128
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:19,547
That's great!
129
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,757
I just wanted to make sure
you were cool
130
00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,385
with me and Hannah
before things get,
131
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,095
you know, serious.
132
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:28,431
Of course!
Live your life!
133
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,015
Thanks, Bridge.
134
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:32,601
I'm glad you're here
to see this.
135
00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:34,603
Hit it!
136
00:06:34,687 --> 00:06:36,439
Aah!
Oh, my gosh!
137
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:40,735
Hannah, my sweet,
tender Viking lover...
138
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:44,905
...will you marry me?
139
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:46,615
Of course I will!
140
00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:49,452
Hanberger forever!
141
00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:52,079
Uh-huh!
142
00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:53,414
- Yay, Alex!
- Alex and the new girl!
143
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,374
Congrats.
144
00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:01,297
Alex is on a budget,
so you get to be flower girl
145
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,548
and cocktail waitress!
146
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:03,883
On it, Dad!
147
00:07:03,883 --> 00:07:06,635
Yeah, a former tenant
left this in his unit.
148
00:07:06,719 --> 00:07:08,888
Actually, he kinda died
in his unit.
149
00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:13,142
What the hell
are you doing?!
150
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:14,685
Hey!
I was using that.
151
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,813
You need to tell Alex that
you still have feelings for him.
152
00:07:17,897 --> 00:07:20,649
Pssh! Even if I did,
which I don't,
153
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,319
this "marriage"
won't last!
154
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,654
Once they run out of Viking
shows to watch together,
155
00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:26,906
they'll fall apart.
156
00:07:26,906 --> 00:07:28,991
I give it a week, tops.
157
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:38,793
Nordic mead
or hanberger spritz?
158
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,547
Ah. Auntie Bridgette's cut off.
159
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,716
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
160
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:49,720
to join Alex and Hannah
in marriage,
161
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,473
a contract not to be
entered into lightly.
162
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,060
No mulligans, take-backs,
or JK LOLs.
163
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,312
Hannah, do you take Alex
to be your --
164
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,064
Wait!
This isn't right!
165
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:01,232
Oh, no!
166
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:02,358
Told ya so.
167
00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,527
Alex, I haven't been
honest with you.
168
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:07,613
I don't teach at a small
liberal-arts college.
169
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:09,907
Occidental
is more mid-sized.
170
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,535
No, I -- Ohh.
This is so embarrassing.
171
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,204
I just have to show you.
172
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:27,967
I am Hnoss.
173
00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:31,637
The Norse goddess
of lust and desire.
174
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,229
Whoa!
175
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,564
Come!
176
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:43,065
We will wed in Valhalla
177
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:46,694
and induct you as a god
by my side.
178
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,822
This one's
on the house.
179
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,575
Ohh!
180
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:56,036
This is...very hot!
181
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,373
Oh, ho, ho, ho,
holy shit!
182
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:10,259
He's leaving?!
For real?! For...ever?
183
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,771
Bridgette:
Alex, wait!
184
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,732
What in Odin's name?
185
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,694
Bridgette?
What's wrong?
186
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,779
I still have feelings
for you, okay?!
187
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,157
I'm sorry I didn't
tell you earlier.
188
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:35,117
I-I didn't even
realize it myself.
189
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,286
But I had to say something
before I lost you
190
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,496
to becoming a god
or whatever.
191
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:44,585
Hannah, I am so sorry
about all of this.
192
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:48,297
But I can't marry you.
193
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:49,798
What?
194
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:52,635
Not when I still have
unresolved feelings
195
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:55,137
for someone else.
196
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,601
You're dumping me?
I am a literal deity.
197
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,062
I don't need
to settle for a guy
198
00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:05,648
who can't even
commit to eternity.
199
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,441
Hnoss out!
200
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:15,032
Damn!
That would've rocked.
201
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:17,076
But not as much as this.
202
00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:26,293
So, may I formally ask you out
on a second first date?
203
00:10:26,377 --> 00:10:28,045
I would love that.
204
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,673
But let's take things slow
this time.
205
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:33,133
I don't want to rush and
mess it up like I usually do.
206
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,385
Well, except for the sex.
207
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:37,012
That can happen
whenever, wherever.
208
00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:39,181
Deal. Ugh!
209
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:45,145
Hnoss: I can't believe
I let your gross beard
210
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,648
scratch my face!
211
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,858
Oh, right.
Goddess ex.
212
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:51,360
You blocked her
on Insta, right?
213
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,362
We've been broken up
for like two minutes!
214
00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,698
Already
with the excuses.
14973
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof