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1
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,382
Ooh, I'm excited to check out
this "hot new place"
2
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,008
Josh and 'em
are taking us to.
3
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,469
Yeah, I don't know
anything in this area.
4
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,304
Hey.
There's the address.
5
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,276
Aaaah!
6
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,278
Hey, guys!
You found it!
7
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,529
Ew.
8
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,239
This isn't exactly
what we were expecting
9
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,158
when you said "dinner."
10
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,493
Ugh!
11
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,912
Pssh! Come on, guys.
This place is a blast!
12
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:44,085
Okay, we may have neglected
to say this place is for kids.
13
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,045
But it's only because every time
we invite you guys
14
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,590
to something Candice can enjoy,
you don't wanna come!
15
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:52,260
Yeah, because kids' places
are gross and loud and horrible!
16
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:55,430
But we have a kid. How are we
supposed to hang out with you
17
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,724
if we don't go
to kids' places?
18
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,724
Good question.
19
00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,226
Maybe we shouldn't hang out
so much anymore.
20
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,271
As we used to say back
when you were fun --
21
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,106
outi 5000!
22
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,651
Ah, this
whole place is so sticky!
23
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,072
Ha!
24
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,630
Emily: It is kind of
thoughtless of us
25
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,131
to make them
tag along everywhere.
26
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,050
If only we had some friends
who were parents...
27
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,593
I found this app
that matches parents
28
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,220
with other
like-minded parents.
29
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,722
Ugh! Meeting strangers
on the Internet?
30
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,098
I don't know.
31
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,143
You know what?
Let's do it!
32
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,436
Ohh!
33
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,940
Not gonna happen.
No, thanks. Nope!
34
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,150
Hey.
They look alright.
35
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,737
You know what I love
about this line? No kids.
36
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490
Yeah. Nobody here
has a bedtime.
37
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,034
Cokey Brian:
Psst! Hey! Up here!
38
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,378
- Ugh!
- Thanks for letting us in!
39
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,547
No problem.
It's my personal belief
40
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:13,132
that no one should pay
for anything.
41
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,259
Ever!
42
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,594
Uh, yeah, no-doy.
43
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,514
My friends call me Cokey Brian.
I love cocaine.
44
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,808
I can get high just by
snorting trace elements of it
45
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,268
out of the air.
46
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,399
Welcome
to the rat's nest.
47
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,747
Finally!
Some culture!
48
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,709
It's great to be at a place
for grown-ups for once.
49
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,211
Can we get two flavor-blasted
'za shots?
50
00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,555
Oh, God! I've missed
being around adults!
51
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,724
They'll be here
any second.
52
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,726
The only normal family
on that whole app.
53
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,896
- Emily? Josh?
- Hi! We're Evan and Danielle.
54
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,149
From Kindr. And over there
is our little June.
55
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,654
She's a little shy.
56
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,781
This is Candice.
She's not.
57
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,912
Well, hey!
They're already a pack!
58
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:27,832
Can I just say -- it's so nice
to meet a normal couple.
59
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,500
We just love
being parents.
60
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,920
And we want to hang out
with other people
61
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,588
who love being parents.
62
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:34,756
Us too!
63
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,134
June! Not so fast!
64
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,428
Sorry.
She's so hyper.
65
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,722
We've been taking her
to the park to burn off energy,
66
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,349
but apparently not enough.
67
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,267
Same! Ah.
You guys get it.
68
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:49,270
Kids need to be tired,
but not too tired.
69
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,121
Cheese it! It's the fuzz!
70
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,874
Alex: I don't know how much
longer I can do this.
71
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,168
I've been drunk
for three weeks straight.
72
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,338
Attendant:
Riders, please remain seated,
73
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,757
keeping your hands and arms
inside the log at all times.
74
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,843
Wait.
Are all adult activities
75
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,303
just kid activities
with drinking?
76
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,556
Oh, yeah!
Front of the log!
77
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,394
Ah, yeah!
Front of the log!
78
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,688
Hunh!
79
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,606
Hey! Don't copy me!
80
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,275
You don't copy me,
dick!
81
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,359
I'll kill you!
82
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,112
Cokey Brian, no!
What are you doing?!
83
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,864
You guys
need to spread out.
84
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,575
Otherwise the logs
could launch off the tracks.
85
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,995
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
86
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,877
Come on! Let's see if we can
really launch this thing!
87
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,838
I don't know, man!
It doesn't feel safe!
88
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,381
I thought
you guys were cool.
89
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,716
If you want to be babies,
90
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,218
you should go back
to hanging out with babies!
91
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,636
Put your arms up!
92
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,722
- Unh!
- Aah!
93
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,390
Oh, no!
94
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,062
I'm kind of the world!
Ha ha!
95
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,488
It's gone. It's all gone.
96
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,281
They've destroyed
the apple butter,
97
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,117
the apple preserves,
the blackberry jam,
98
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,827
the blueberry orange marmalade...
99
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,746
...the cranberry pear jam,
100
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,581
the cantaloupe preserves
with cinnamon...
101
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,581
What?
102
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,584
See ya, fuzz!
You're not taking me! No!
103
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,503
Ah!
104
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,218
Oh, my God. We never should have
bailed on Josh and Emily.
105
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,554
Emily: Jam jail?
106
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,098
Oh. An important text?
107
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,600
Oh, it's some old friends.
Acquaintances, really.
108
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,061
Who didn't want to hang out
with us anymore
109
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,354
because we have a kid.
110
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,023
- Ha ha. Weirdos!
- What else should we order?
111
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,859
Why don't we split the
Skinnylicious Buffalo Blasterz
112
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,278
with a side of
cheesecake nachos?
113
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,155
Ooh, and maybe
a mini corndog salad?
114
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,865
That should
probably be enough.
115
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,742
Although we could order extra
and get them
116
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,244
to put it
in a doggy bag.
117
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,121
June loves leftovers.
118
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,665
We were so bummed when
we saw you didn't bring her.
119
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,625
- Oh, she's here.
- Excuse me?
120
00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,462
We wouldn't leave our dog-ter
home alone. We're not monsters.
121
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,506
Did you just say
"dog-ter"?
122
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,303
What the hell?!
You told us you were parents!
123
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,056
Josh, I'm offended!
We are parents.
124
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,307
Just like you.
125
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,934
This is a dog!
126
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,145
It's nothing like
raising a human child!
127
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,479
Everyone always says that.
128
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,314
But we do the same things
you do.
129
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,608
Take June to the vet.
Check her for worms.
130
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,361
Rub her face in pee
when she has an accident.
131
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,821
Candice, did you know
about this?
132
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,157
Yeah, what did you think
I meant when I said
133
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:32,118
June had the softest ears
in the whole wide world?
134
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,495
I don't know! You're a weird
kid! You say weird things!
135
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,539
Maybe we should head out.
136
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:39,167
But our next course
is just arriving.
137
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:43,045
Okay. We've got one order
of...raw horse meat!
138
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,673
I thought when you ordered that
it was just an ironic name!
139
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:49,719
No, Josh.
They have everything here.
140
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,807
Uh, can we get some
sandwiches to go, please?
141
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,101
Get to the car, get to the car,
get to the car.
142
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,519
Ugh! I can't believe
we got duped
143
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,438
into hanging out
with those freaks.
144
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,190
Yeah, they're
obviously nuts,
145
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,358
but isn't this kind of what
we did to Bridgette and Alex?
146
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,194
We did trick them
into hanging out with us.
147
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,362
You're right.
We should apologize.
148
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,879
What do you want from us?!
149
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:28,925
We just want you to admit
that raising a dog
150
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:32,303
is exactly the same
as raising a child.
151
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,888
That's completely insane!
152
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,848
Be careful
what you say, Josh.
153
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,808
The children
are watching.
154
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,733
Tcch! Tcch!
155
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,121
Did you remember
to validate the parking?
156
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,123
Shiiiiiiiiiit.
157
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,130
Start the car!
158
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,423
Unh!
159
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,985
Aah!
160
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,294
Come on, guys.
We can get past this.
161
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,628
Uh, we can't!
162
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,172
You lied to us about
having a human daughter!
163
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,676
No, you assumed our
dog daughter was a human.
164
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,470
So there's plenty of blame
to go around!
165
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,638
No!
166
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,931
Unh! Why won't you
hang out with us?!
167
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,141
Give us a reason!
168
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,810
Uh --
We're cat people!
169
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:04,478
Ew! Gross!
170
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,234
Can you believe
those freaks?
171
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,029
Hopefully the next people
won't be as toxic.
172
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,989
- Oh, that's a match.
- Yes! Ooh. Yes, yes, yes.
173
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,574
- That's a match.
- Ooh, they look interesting.
174
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,492
Ooh, ooh!
That's definitely a match.
175
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,249
Oh, thank God
you got our message!
176
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,251
We made a mistake!
Stop.
177
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,836
You guys
are our real friends.
178
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,505
You don't lie to us or dress
up animals like people.
179
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,007
What?
180
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,676
I mean, we're parents,
but we're not just parents.
181
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,762
We can make time
to have fun with you guys.
182
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,847
And we realized
that adult activities
183
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:43,017
are exactly like kid activities,
but with booze.
184
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,518
So we can just
take flasks with us
185
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,562
to Candice's recitals
and birthdays or whatever.
186
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,106
Oh, I don't think --
187
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,106
That's a great idea!
188
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,233
So...can you
bail us out of here?
189
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,110
Yeah, we talked
to the guard.
190
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,112
He said you just need
to pay for some jam?
191
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,783
Alright.
Here's your apple butter,
192
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,452
the apple preserves,
the blackberry jam,
193
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,329
the blueberry orange marmalade...
14106
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