Original subtitles

PLANE ROARING

"I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW" PLAYING

INDISTINCT AUDIO OVER PA

Ashley!

LADY: Great to see you.

PHONE RINGING

Hi, this is Caroline. Leave a message.

Hey. I have landed. I'm in arrivals.

Ehm...

Thought I'd grab myself some...

breakfast.

Call me when you get this.

Ehm... No rush.

INDISTINCT AUDIO OVER PA

PHONE RINGING

PHONE CONTINUES TO RING

Is that the phone?

Hmm?

Landline?

Do we still have that?

It'll be Agnes and them.

Wanting to know what time to come around.

For the food, I suppose.

Probably.

Vultures.

INDISTINCT AUDIO OVER PA]

Excuse me?

I... Ehm...

Are you ok?

Huh?

Am I hunching again?

No, you're not hunching.

You're drinking.

At nine in the morning.

Look, I'm not judging. I'm the last person to...

I just...

I just thought maybe if you wanted to talk?

You one of those religious nuts?

What? No.

Rob! One of those religious nuts in again.

I'm not religious.

Why have you got those pictures of the fucking saints?

No, these are prayer cards. They're my granny's.

I can't enjoy a pint without talking about fucking Jesus?

Ok, I was just trying to help.

You're the one who needs help, harassing people!

I'm not doing that! Want to talk about fucking...

I don't want to talk about fucking Jesus. I don't give a fuck about fucking Jesus!

There's no need for that.

Be no Christmas without Jesus.

Sorry. CLEARS THROAT

CAROLINE It's on the first x-ray.

Yes, I'm sure. Hairline fracture.

She's coming in this afternoon to have a cast fit.

Tell Ollie to get his head out of his arse and his tongue up hers.

You know what they're like. Last thing we need is a lawsuit.

No, I'm not in today. No.

We've had a death in the family.

What the fuck?

Hi, sweetheart.

Who died?

TOM: Ha.

How long have you been in here? Couple of hours.

People will be calling.

BERNIE: We were having a quiet moment with your grandmother.

You were wallowing. [TOM] It's her mother.

She's allowed a bit of wallowing.

It brings back memories, that's all.

This is different. She was old.

Where's Ant? He's very upset.

DISCO MUSIC PLAYING

Jesus Christ!

Ever heard of privacy!

Who's he?

Hi. I'm Mikey.

Our grandmother's corpse is in the living room.

You might want to get dressed. Shit! I forgot.

Oh my god. Is she like... dead?

Yes, Mikey. She is.

BIRDS CHIRPING

DOOR OPENS

Jesus. We're back to the famine.

Dead old lady a bit of a buzz killer, was it?

CAROLINE: Right. What do we need?

Ehm... Something that says death,

but also hope.

Carr's Water biscuits,

brie...

booze.

What about Shiv?

DOOR OPENS

CAROLINE: Oh, shit!

I'm so sorry. I completely forgot.

Cheers.

Shiv!

Dad.

BERNIE: Sweetheart!

Did you just get in?

Caroline forgot to collect me. Ah, no.

I was doing everything else!

What happened here?

Oh, just a little fall.

Caroline fixed me up. You've lost weight.

No, I haven't. TOM: You have.

Hasn't she, Bernie?

You look great.

And your skin... Gorgeous.

Piss off. [TOM] No, it's suiting you, this...

New... Ehm...

lifestyle.

Isn't it, Bernie?

How long has it been?

Five months, 17 days and...

six hours.

Wow. That is...

Very promising.

She in there? She wanted to be waked.

I was thinking...

if it's okay, I'd...

I want to say something at the funeral.

About what?

Granny.

I don't think there'd be any need. Do you think there would be?

No, god. No.

I'm not going to be embarrassing.

She's been good to me these last few months.

Her support... Of course, yeah!

And we're here to support you too, this weekend.

Aren't we, Tom? Absolutely, yeah.

Very much here to...

Right. We're going to go to the shops.

For what?

Food. You don't have any.

I'm off gluten and dairy too.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

What? Why don't you go with them?

And get what you need.

But I haven't seen Granny yet.

Well, it's not like she's going anywhere.

We'll be in the car.

She's grieving.

Sorry.

It's a wake.

Stop looking at me like that.

ANT LAUGHS SHIV: It's still me.

Yeah.

ANT: How's it going over there? Other than...

SHIV: Good, yeah. I'm great.

You? Still working at the restaurant?

Yeah. I have to stop doing nights. It's killing me.

Maybe ease up on the sessioning too?

Mmm?

Don't want to end up like me.

Are you coeliac? What?

The only people who shouldn't eat gluten are coeliac.

It's a medical condition.

Anyone else is just an arsehole.

I went to a naturopath!

Of course.

Here's the rest of your stuff.

The 'gf' stands for get fucked.

Sorry.

We are going to be able to...

enjoy ourselves at this thing, aren't we?

Enjoy ourselves?

[TOM] With Shiv here.

Like... we can still have a drink?

Course we can still have a drink.

Can't we?

Whatever this whole recovery thing is,

at least it's giving her some focus.

She's got that job. She seems more...

We can put up with her for one weekend. Can't we?

Just don't get pissed.

DOORBELL RINGS

Is that Aunty Ag?

Yeah. They're probably hiding.

CAROLINE: Hi, Anty Ag!

Is no one home?

I've been here ten minutes. I saw your father in the hall.

Siobhan! When did you get in?

What you've put your poor mother through.

First your brother dying, now...

Ah. Agnes! Sorry. Bernie and I were in the bedroom.

With a corpse in the house?

Disgusting.

BERNIE: Agnes!

You're early.

Granny's in there.

I'll have a sherry first.

CAROLINE: Is that all yours? SHIV: Yeah.

Just some art materials.

Needed somewhere to store them.

CAROLINE: Put these in the kitchen.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

BIRDS CHIRPING OUTSIDE

CROW CAWING IN DISTANCE

BIRDS CHIRPING OUTSIDE

Who picked Granny's outfit? Mum.

I know, hideous.

Don't know if it's the Valium, but her taste is up her...

What are you doing? Changing it.

She's been embalmed, Shiv. Bits of her might fall off.

She'd never have picked this. So? Stop it!

Jesus, you can see her bra!

Sorry.

It's just... it's her last...

I just want her to be seen for who she is, you know?

No, I don't.

Christ!

Right. Gis a look at her.

Our side always make fabulous corpses.

Like what they've done with the blouse.

Very modern.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

INDISTINCT CHATTER

A sandwich?

JOE: There she is!

Uncle Joe! Sandwich?

Any men in London, Shiv? Yeah, there are, Uncle Joe.

Want to get a move on.

Don't mind him! You can have your eggs frozen now.

Did you ever think of that?

Great city, London. The girls there'll show you...

What are you working on? I mean, for money, not the art.

I'm in between things at the minute, aunty Rita.

Thought you worked in a gallery.

Your mum says you can't hold down a job.

BERNIE: What? I did not.

How many sherries has she had?

She's a desperate alcoholic, you know.

Who? Who's an alcoholic?

Me, uncle Joe. She means me.

She's been off it six months.

Fair play to her.

And you're sure you're an alcoholic?

Rita.

RITA: She was always such fun!

If blacking out and ending up in some stranger's utility room

makes you an alcoholic, she can sign us all up!

AGNES: It's an absolute disgrace.

Your grandmother never touched a drop in her life.

She seemed very proud of Shiv for having given up.

She was a real inspiration, actually.

That you can have a life without booze.

She always had a bit of a blind spot for you, love.

We don't even know half these people.

Don't you remember Carl's funeral? I was eight.

Spent the whole feckin day cutting bread into triangles.

All I remember about Carl's funeral

was playing his Xbox while dad howled in the bathroom.

I kept having to turn up the volume.

He wouldn't cry like that if I kicked it.

Can I ask you something privately?

Mm-hmm.

They're running low.

Jesus! Our fingers are bleeding!

DOORBELL That's Rory!

Hi. Hey.

Your mum texted for more crisps. You're great!

Are they still together?

Thirteen years.

Is he the only guy she's shagged?

Ugh.

Gross.

Hi.

Go on, she won't bite.

So, what did you want to ask me?

Well, I was... Cheeky line.

What?

Cheeky line? No!

Jesus, Ant! No! Sorry!

I thought it was a code.

Just take these inside, will you?

When you said you were bringing her home I didn't think you meant...

home home.

Have you never been in a wake before, son?

CAROLINE: Stop it!

DOORBELL RINGS

Anthony. Mrs Corcoran.

What a surprise!

Come on in!

Jack, you coming?

ANT: Come on in!

BERNIE: Jack!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

She was great old craic.

You're so good to come.

Famous artist!

We have another artist in the house.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

JACK: Work. Excuse me, Bernie.

GUESTS SINGING "WILL YE GO LASSIE, GO"

♪ And the wild mountain thyme ♪

♪ Grows around the blooming heather ♪

♪ Will ye go lassie, go? ♪

♪ And we'll all go together ♪

ANT: So what? She's lost another job?

CAROLINE: Fuck knows.

Probably only came home to bleed more money out of them.

You've to die or become an alcoholic to get any attention in this house.

ANT LAUGHING Oh, my god. You're so hard.

CAROLINE: Like it's not true?

ANT: No, it's totally true. You just don't want to say it.

CROW CAWING

You avoiding us or what?

Shiv!

Shit.

I didn't know you were here.

Bit rude. Staying outside at a wake.

I was going to head back in, but...

CLEARS THROAT

Then they started singing.

Jesus!

How long has it been? Four and a half years.

Or something, yeah.

No!

Really?

Well...

You look great.

Yeah. You too, you...

You look great too.

Still tearing it up like a mad thing in London?

Absolutely. JACK: Good!

At least someone is.

Heard you had a big exhibition.

How'd it go?

Ehm... people came, sold a bit.

Got a write up in The Times.

That's great!

If you're into that kind of thing.

What, success?

It's all bullshit.

If I had any balls, I'd get out of here,

head to Eastern Europe.

What's stopping you?

Ehm...

You know...

My country needs me.

It needs one decent fucking artist.

JACK CHUCKLES

You're still painting, eh?

Sort of, yeah.

Bit slow, lately.

All real artists are failures.

Thanks.

You're still that wild little bitch you always were.

MRS CORCORAN: Jack!

About time. I thought we'd lost you.

Sorry, love. We had a sing-song.

SHIV: Thanks for coming, Mrs Corcoran.

Thanks, love.

You around for a few days or...

Probably, yeah.

Let's get some drinks in. I'll show you my studio.

Mm-hmm.

CAR DOOR CLOSES AND ENGINE STARTS

HONKING

DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE

DOORBELL RINGS

Am I in the right place? I'm looking for Tom Sheridan.

GUESTS SINGING

Mina! You came!

TOM: Sorry. Excuse me.

Sorry. Sorry for interrupting.

Ehm... Sorry, Rita.

Ehm... This is my friend Mina, everybody.

GUESTS: How are you? Hi.

Bernie. This is for you.

What is it?

A cactus?

SHIV: Acupuncture?

He's started Tai Chi classes too.

Dad?

How did I not know this? You haven't been here.