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1
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,351
There you go.
2
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,313
That's mine.
3
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,649
Woman:
Hey, Tobe!
4
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,737
Oh my God.
5
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,532
Stay right here.
Excuse me.
6
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,035
Boy:
Stare much?
7
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,830
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey. Can I have a taco dog?
8
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,875
- Yeah, is that it?
- And a button buster.
9
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,255
There you go.
10
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,093
Is that your girlfriend?
11
00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,513
Not that you'd understand,
but Amanda Pak
12
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,891
is so hopelessly dorky
13
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:08,145
that even a dateless wonder like myself
has to draw the line somewhere.
14
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,356
Uh-huh.
15
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,317
$4.50, home slice.
16
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,779
My dad says he'll pay you
if you give me a receipt.
17
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,199
He's gonna start deducting me
from his taxes.
18
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,952
I think you and your dad
deserve each other.
19
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,205
He also told me to ask you
for a ride home when you're done.
20
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,374
('30s music playing)
21
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:34,422
Radio: ♪ Fish got to swim,
birds got to fly ♪
22
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:38,134
♪ I've got to love one man
till I die ♪
23
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,136
(Tobe singing along)
♪ So I can't help ♪
24
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:44,223
♪ Loving that man of mine ♪
25
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,350
♪ Diddley-doot-doo-doot-doo... ♪
26
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,186
- This is gay.
- No, classic.
27
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,314
It stood the test of time.
28
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,399
The coolest cars, the '50s.
29
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,151
The best movies, the '70s.
30
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,905
The best songs, the '30s.
The golden age of American songwriting.
31
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,823
More like olden age.
32
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:04,118
Why can't you like normal stuff
like everybody else?
33
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,330
(horn honks)
34
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,374
Hey, Tobe.
35
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,168
Oh, hey, Amanda.
36
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:16,172
- Is that your little brother?
- No!
37
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,175
Are you babysitting like me?
Cool.
38
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,135
See you at graduation.
39
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,262
Okay, bye-bye.
40
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:41,030
Hi, Mr. Hulbert.
Can I stay here a while?
41
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,282
My mom says I still need
adult supervision.
42
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,285
Yeah yeah, sure.
I'll supervise you.
43
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,871
- Here, get me another beer.
- Sure.
44
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,458
Pop Pop, it's the middle of the day.
45
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,335
I know.
46
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,545
My pants don't seem
to fit me anymore.
47
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,883
What, do you want me to be
uncomfortable?
48
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,097
Kenny:
You get more crap all the time.
49
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,308
- Is it worth any money?
- Not yet.
50
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,145
- Go home, Kenny.
- What are you watching?
51
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,649
I traded tapes with a guy in LA.
Got some old Vitaphone shorts
52
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,776
and a Monica Velour movie
for my collection.
53
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,362
- Now go home.
- I want to watch.
54
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,323
Just tell me when the gross stuff
is gonna happen.
55
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,078
(disco music playing)
56
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,499
This movie is totally rare.
57
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,836
Everything today
is just shot on video,
58
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,380
strippers on Prozac junk.
59
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,720
Hands Solo, I presume.
60
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,514
Consarnit, can't a fella get
any privacy around here?
61
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,142
There's no time for that.
We need your help.
62
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,309
Who's we?
63
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,812
I'm Princess Layme.
64
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,356
And my companion
is Dork Fudgepacker.
65
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,191
Hey.
66
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,028
The star of this movie
is Monica Velour.
67
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,655
I have almost all of her movies.
68
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,033
She was the most respected,
69
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,660
biggest, classic X film star.
70
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:10,911
(alarm sounding)
71
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,539
Hands Solo: We're being pulled in
by the Muff Star's tractor beam.
72
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,378
(grumbling)
73
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,298
Cocktroopers.
Get down.
74
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,217
Tobe:
Look at her.
75
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,970
She's sweet, beautiful,
76
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,390
totally sexy, confident.
77
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,725
(groans)
78
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,524
Kenny: You're crazy.
This movie sucks.
79
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,277
You know dick.
80
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,530
Now go home.
There's a gross part coming up.
81
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,949
Bye, Tobe.
82
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,285
(crowd cheering)
83
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:55,414
It's been said that the future
belongs to the young.
84
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,834
And to that I have
only one response:
85
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,878
God help us all.
86
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,755
(cheering)
87
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,424
But seriously, before you the young
88
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:09,762
can have the future, you'll have
to spend the next 20 or so years
89
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,932
working for us the old.
90
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,558
(crowd laughs)
91
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,938
Because you're not ready
for the keys to life's car just yet.
92
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,607
(cheering)
93
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,614
Man:
Here we go, nice smile.
94
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,992
Great. Let's get some picture
with your friends.
95
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,578
Um...
96
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,498
Smile, please.
97
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,583
The button's on top.
98
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,585
I know where the button is.
99
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,879
- (camera clicks)
- Can we go now?
100
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,756
No no, one more.
One more.
101
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,384
Oh, look.
Look at the bear.
102
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:51,303
You stand here.
103
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,264
Great.
(laughs)
104
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,683
This will make a great
holiday picture.
105
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:57,685
(camera clicks)
106
00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,979
Well, it clicked.
It did something.
107
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,984
That's it. That's it.
That's it. Huh? Good.
108
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,111
- (rap music playing)
- (cheering)
109
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,448
Man: Empty.
110
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,617
Oh, sorry, dude.
111
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,996
Hurry up.
On my God.
112
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,669
(chanting)
Chug chug chug chug chug.
113
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,838
(cheering)
114
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:32,303
- Hey, Perbert.
- Even Perbert wants a peek.
115
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,389
Tobe:
What are you guys looking at?
116
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,974
Live from Amanda Pak's,
117
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,602
it's Saturday night.
118
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:49,028
Tobe:
Hitachi Magic Wand.
119
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,281
The Cadillac of vibrators.
120
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,116
No batteries,
you just plug it in.
121
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,952
Annie Sprinkle's all-time favorite.
122
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,542
Russ Meyer?
123
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,003
- No way.
- (coughs) Yeah way.
124
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,887
People who jerk off to porn
are just creepy.
125
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,561
Well, she's not gonna get laid
just sitting in her room.
126
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,564
('30 music playing)
127
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,904
♪ There's a great big mystery ♪
128
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,573
♪ And it sure is worrying me ♪
129
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:39,745
♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪
130
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,832
♪ I wish somebody would tell me
what diddie wa diddie means. ♪
131
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,299
(alarm buzzing)
132
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,260
Pop Pop:
Rise and shine, boy.
133
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,638
Wakey wakey
eggs and bacey.
134
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,865
Cheer up,
I've got a surprise for you.
135
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,826
Give it to me later.
136
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:21,412
How about I give it
to somebody else?
137
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,622
Okay, what?
138
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,671
Happy graduation.
139
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,466
Awesome.
140
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,469
Thanks, Pop Pop.
The Civic.
141
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,431
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Give it back. Give it back.
142
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,396
Happy graduation.
143
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,608
What is this?
The truck?
144
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,028
It's not a truck.
It's a family business.
145
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,654
Why can't I have the Civic?
146
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,075
The Civic is mine.
147
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:05,748
The truck? What am I supposed
to do with the truck?
148
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,541
You got your own business.
149
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,960
People work their whole lives
for that.
150
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,462
Be your own boss.
151
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:15,424
Anywhere you go
you have a nice income.
152
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,259
Not for long.
153
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,680
People don't want to eat pig eyes
or donkey dicks
154
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,974
or whatever hot dogs
are made of anymore.
155
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,064
You're right.
You're so goddamn smart,
156
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:33,442
sell them broccoli burgers
or gaysicles
157
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,444
or whatever the hell it is
they do eat these days.
158
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,740
How come you couldn't just give me
money like everybody else?
159
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,036
It's a good thing your mother's not alive to hear you
talk so ungrateful.
160
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,830
Otherwise the both of us would
just smack the hell out of you.
161
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,751
I'm going upstairs.
162
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,218
Pop Pop:
Tobe.
163
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,888
Tobe!
164
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,652
Thattaboy.
165
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,904
Chip off the old block.
166
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,788
That's nice.
That's really nice.
167
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,140
(phone rings)
168
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,016
- Hello.
- Man: Hello.
169
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,227
- I'm calling about the Weenie Wiz.
- Yeah.
170
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,856
I saw your ad on the web.
It's 1970 all original?
171
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,566
Uh, yeah.
172
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,152
And the giant hot dog,
what's that built of?
173
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:01,655
Um, metal.
Yeah, metal and paint.
174
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,658
It's a work of art.
A thing of mystery meat beauty.
175
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,577
You want to come take a look
at it this afternoon?
176
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,163
I'd love to, but I'm in Loogootee.
177
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,206
- What?
- Loogootee, Indiana.
178
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,041
The place where
corn on the cob comes from.
179
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,043
I saw your post on the web.
180
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,962
Um, well, can you
come up here and get it?
181
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,214
I don't have a lot of time.
182
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:22,801
I don't know, it's not like
I can drive it to Indiana.
183
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,326
(rock music playing)
184
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,055
♪ I'm just like putty ♪
185
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,516
♪ Putty in your hands ♪
186
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,854
♪ With a wave of your hand ♪
187
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,439
♪ Putty putty ♪
188
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,857
♪ I'm your slave to go man ♪
189
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,738
♪ And I'll go on this way... ♪
190
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,866
Hey, I see you,
you little creep.
191
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,244
- What?
- Were you gonna stand here all night
192
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,663
- looking at my daughter, huh?
- Dad!
193
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,831
- Well?
- What? No, sir.
194
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,335
- I just came to see your daughter.
- Tell it to the police, punk.
195
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,839
- Oooh!
- Hey, come back here!
196
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,717
- (engine sputtering)
- Come back here!
197
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,595
We are not done.
Where are you going?
198
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,272
- Hey, I've got to talk to you.
- Leave me alone.
199
00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,898
Hey.
200
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,827
Pop Pop:
The cops was just here.
201
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,288
What for?
202
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:18,458
They told me somebody
who was driving the Weenie Wiz
203
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:22,421
was caught peeping through
some high school girl's window tonight.
204
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,967
- It wasn't me.
- Of course it was you.
205
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,303
What do you think, I'm some kind
of a half-assed retard?
206
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,472
Okay. Well, I'm sorry.
I won't do it again.
207
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,017
I told them I didn't know
a thing about it.
208
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,894
I said it must have been
somebody else's blue truck
209
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,896
with a 20-foot hot dog
on top.
210
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,232
For some reason they had
trouble believing that.
211
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:47,070
Now they think I'm Lester
the molester for Christ's sake.
212
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,323
Do you realize what you're doing to me?
213
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,367
It's time you grew up,
God damn it.
214
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,287
Go back to school
or get some kind of a job.
215
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,039
Find yourself a girlfriend.
216
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,833
Hanging around that rathole room
217
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,210
with those crazy movies
and all that goddamn junk.
218
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,130
What should I do?
Sit around getting drunk all day?
219
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,051
You know, sometime you and that
smart mouth are gonna turn around
220
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,886
and you're gonna find me croaked.
221
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,805
Not the way you put it away.
You're preserved
222
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,892
like some mutant two-headed sheep
or Einstein's brain.
223
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,310
You through, smartass?
224
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,188
Never wanted to have this
conversation to begin with.
225
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,982
You've got a head like a rock.
226
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,193
Just like your mother.
227
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,403
Pop Pop:
I hear you in there, you little hoodlum.
228
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,613
Go to bed.
229
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,032
Okay okay.
I'm sorry.
230
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,246
Pinhook. Pinhook.
231
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,164
Pinhook.
232
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,420
Loogootee.
233
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,006
Pinhook.
234
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,603
Yay.
235
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,940
Getting closer all the time, buddy.
236
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,863
- Man: Hello?
- It's Tobe.
237
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,032
We talked before
about the truck I'm selling.
238
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,744
- The giant doggy?
- Are you still interested?
239
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,871
I'm pretty far.
240
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,039
No no, it's cool.
I'm gonna drive it down.
241
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,459
- My lucky day.
- $5000, right?
242
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,128
- That's right.
- I'll take the bus back.
243
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,297
- There's a bus station, right?
- Hey, where's the rest of your hat?
244
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,091
- Of course.
- Great. See you soon.
245
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,096
I'm leaving, Pop Pop.
246
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,224
The windows around here
aren't big enough for you?
247
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,729
I'm going to Indiana to sell the truck
248
00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,315
and then I don't know what I'll do.
249
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,401
You're leaving just because
I yelled at you?
250
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,655
Later, Kenny.
251
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:39,576
Hey hey.
Well, do you need anything?
252
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,955
Get cash.
253
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,918
Even if you've got to walk the guy
to the bank, get cash.
254
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:52,964
Hey, where are you going?
255
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,262
♪ Love is waiting
just around the corner ♪
256
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:02,098
♪ Love is waiting just around
the corner ♪
257
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,227
♪ Love is waiting
just around the corner ♪
258
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,858
♪ They say love is just
around the corner ♪
259
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,778
♪ Any cozy little corner ♪
260
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,072
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
261
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,492
♪ When I'm around you ♪
262
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,537
♪ Venus de Milo ♪
263
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,997
♪ Was noted for her charms ♪
264
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,251
♪ Just strictly between us,
you're cuter than Venus ♪
265
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,546
♪ And what's more,
you've got arms ♪
266
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,799
♪ So let's cuddle in a corner ♪
267
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,385
♪ Any cozy little corner ♪
268
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,096
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
269
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,182
♪ And I'm around you ♪
270
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,185
♪ Love is just around the corner ♪
271
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,230
♪ Love is just around the corner. ♪
272
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,122
(exhales)
273
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:26,182
♪ Cocaine, champagne ♪
274
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,936
♪ Take a ride on my jet plane ♪
275
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:34,190
♪ Spotlights, late nights ♪
276
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:38,278
♪ End it all with a drunken fight... ♪
277
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,949
Hey, baby.
What are we drinking?
278
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,868
Uh, bourbon.
279
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,369
Coming right up, handsome.
280
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,204
Take a seat wherever you want.
281
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:52,375
Oh, and I need $40 cash
upfront for the drinks.
282
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,419
- Here, I'll get it.
- Wait, is that...
283
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,048
Wait, no.
I'm looking for Miss Monica Velour.
284
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,175
Monica?
285
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,344
Yeah, she's coming on at 8:30.
286
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:05,305
I need $40 though in the front.
287
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,771
- Thanks.
- Man on P. A: Remember,
288
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,315
Sunday is single dad night
here at The Petting Zoo.
289
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,902
Free games and face painting
in the parking lot for the kiddies.
290
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,071
(dance music playing)
291
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,413
Hey, I thought you said
she came on at 8:30.
292
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:35,085
What's your name anyway?
293
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,420
Snickers.
294
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,049
Your parents gave you
a dog's name?
295
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,718
No, it's a candy bar.
296
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,179
Huh.
297
00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:48,306
I guess it's better than PayDay.
298
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,267
Or Crackle.
299
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,395
You need another drink.
300
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,021
No.
301
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,273
I'll just finish what I have.
302
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,109
♪ Now is the time to release ♪
303
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:02,570
♪ All the things
you've been holding back... ♪
304
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,323
You want to go to
the executive VIP lounge?
305
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,158
Where's that?
306
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,202
Only $400.
307
00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:11,329
We could have a real good time.
308
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,624
I didn't see any lounge.
309
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:18,795
We used to have a lounge
but the roof collapsed.
310
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,548
Now it's in the back seat of my car.
311
00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:24,009
Okay, for you...
312
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:27,637
$200.
313
00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:29,556
No. No thank you.
314
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:31,766
I'm here to see Monica Velour.
315
00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:36,104
- $100.
- Huh-uh.
316
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:40,775
- $60 and two packs of smokes?
- No.
317
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:45,030
Hey, fellas.
What are we having?
318
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,198
- I'm hungry for a bite of Snickers.
- Yeah?
319
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,451
- Snickers needs some nuts.
- Right here, baby.
320
00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:54,164
Man on P. A: And now the star
of "Welcome Back Harder"
321
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:58,209
and "Saturday Night Beaver,"
adult film superstar
322
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,295
- Monica Velour.
- Monica Velour.
323
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:03,423
Whoo!
Monica!
324
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,261
♪ Tonight ♪
325
00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:12,098
♪ I celebrate my love ♪
326
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,350
♪ For you ♪
327
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,187
♪ It seems ♪
328
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:22,901
♪ The natural thing to do ♪
329
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:28,823
♪ Tonight no one's gonna find us ♪
330
00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:34,704
♪ We'll leave the world behind us ♪
331
00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:37,207
♪ When I make love to you... ♪
332
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,043
Man:
You've got to be shitting me.
333
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,836
(laughs)
Damn.
334
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,630
Somebody ordered off
the senior menu.
335
00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:46,341
Shut up.
336
00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:49,219
Man: I think grandma's got
Depends on under there.
337
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,512
Man #2: Right.
338
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,811
It's amateur night
at the old folks' home.
339
00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,855
(men laughing)
340
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:05,401
Yo, I think this guy
over here is in love.
341
00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,779
(laughs)
342
00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:13,409
Oh, leave it on, baby.
343
00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:16,830
- Leave it on.
- Shh!
344
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:21,000
Hey, I think this dickwad
has a problem.
345
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,128
Yo, dickwad.
What's your problem?
346
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,298
I don't... I don't have a problem.
347
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,592
No, I think you do have a problem.
348
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,429
You keep giving me a look like some
kind of pissed-off faggot look.
349
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,932
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I see that look.
350
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,851
Hey, can't we all
just get along?
351
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:41,563
We're all friends.
This guy just wants us to be polite
352
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,649
while his grandma up there earns money
for his back-to-school clothes.
353
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,609
Right, guy?
354
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,993
Don't the sheep
back at the frat house
355
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,953
feel neglected
with all you guys here tonight?
356
00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:59,038
- What?
- Hear what he said to you, son?
357
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,207
Snickers:
Oh no he didn't.
358
00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:04,460
Who the fuck
do you think you are, geek?
359
00:25:06,797 --> 00:25:09,424
That's Monica Velour.
Okay?
360
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:12,969
More woman than
you sad rodeo clowns
361
00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:17,223
could ever hope to get in your entire
regrettable existences.
362
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:19,517
Big words from such a little dick.
363
00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:21,644
Man #2:
That's what I'm talking about, man.
364
00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:27,692
♪ How friends turn into lovers ♪
365
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:32,113
♪ When I make love to you... ♪
366
00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:36,618
- (men laugh)
- (grunts)
367
00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,828
- Fuck this shit!
- Snickers: Jesus Christ! Milton!
368
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,539
(clamoring)
369
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,667
Come on, get up.
Get up.
370
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,045
Bouncer:
God damn it, stop it!
371
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,922
Owner:
Look at my club!
372
00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:50,715
Monica:
It's not my fault.
373
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,009
Owner: Never happened
until you came around.
374
00:25:53,177 --> 00:25:54,761
You promised me eight weeks
of headlining.
375
00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:57,680
I know what I promised you.
But look at you.
376
00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,934
You're too old to be dancing.
I'll tell you what...
377
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,519
why don't you come in on Monday
and work the room, huh?
378
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,563
She's not working the room with me.
379
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:08,816
- Oh, eat me, Sparkles.
- Snickers.
380
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:11,736
That boy was just doing what
you should have been doing.
381
00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:15,156
Just because we work in a sty don't mean
we got to put up with those pigs.
382
00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:16,449
We got rights.
383
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:17,909
I'm gonna give you
two rights, a left
384
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:20,995
and another right if you don't shut up
and get out of my face!
385
00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:22,372
You ain't my daddy.
386
00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:25,375
Close the door.
387
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,210
Come on. Come on.
Come on, I've got a kid.
388
00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:29,128
Owner: That makes two people
with problems, don't it?
389
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:33,174
What about my car service?
How am I supposed to get home?
390
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:35,426
Owner:
Stick a rocket up your ass and fly.
391
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,553
I don't care.
392
00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:39,138
Bye.
393
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,819
(radio chatter)
394
00:26:58,450 --> 00:26:59,909
How's he doing?
395
00:27:00,077 --> 00:27:01,577
You know this fella?
396
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:04,414
He knows me.
397
00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:06,416
He'll be fine.
398
00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:09,460
Might have actually gotten hurt
if he weren't so loaded.
399
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:13,047
People probably survive a plane crash,
they get enough beers in 'em.
400
00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:15,633
Ma'am, he's not fit to drive.
You know where he lives?
401
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,178
Uh, yeah.
402
00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:22,557
I don't live anywhere near here.
403
00:27:22,725 --> 00:27:25,935
Just don't talk.
I'll tell them where to go.
404
00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:29,397
You'll have to sign off for him.
405
00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:34,152
Hey, is that nitrous?
406
00:27:43,037 --> 00:27:45,204
(Tobe groans)
407
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:53,796
Tobe:
Is this your house?
408
00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:55,465
Well, I didn't know where you lived
409
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,217
and I figured one of us should
be able to get home okay.
410
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,472
Where do you live, anyway?
411
00:28:03,474 --> 00:28:05,350
Auburn, Washington.
412
00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:08,728
Your parents
vacationing down here?
413
00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:11,606
My mom died when I was three
414
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:13,858
and I haven't met my dad.
415
00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:16,944
Jeez, sorry.
416
00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,655
So what are you doing here?
417
00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,158
I came to see you.
418
00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:26,245
- Just me?
- Uh-huh.
419
00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:29,791
How old are you?
18? 19?
420
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,584
18.
421
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:33,669
Do you know how old I am?
422
00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,671
I could have had you.
423
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,757
So?
424
00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:40,510
You're Monica Velour.
425
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,554
You're beautiful.
426
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,265
You're...
427
00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,684
you're a star.
428
00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:50,728
Now I know you're drunk.
429
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,939
Come on, upsy-daisy.
430
00:28:53,107 --> 00:28:54,440
What is that?
431
00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,317
It's what you need right now,
trust me.
432
00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:02,532
(gags)
433
00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:05,368
Ugh, it tastes like
powdered puke.
434
00:29:05,536 --> 00:29:07,453
Well, you'll thank me tomorrow.
435
00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:09,914
Don't do a whole lot of drinking,
do you?
436
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:13,543
Not really.
437
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:16,629
Once I drank a whole case
438
00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:19,298
of non-alcoholic beer though.
439
00:29:20,384 --> 00:29:24,846
I woke up in a pile of fake vomit.
(chuckles)
440
00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:32,812
I heard what you did.
It was nice.
441
00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:35,231
Stupid, but nice.
442
00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:38,860
It's not often a guy
stands up for me.
443
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:41,571
Those guys were morons.
444
00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:44,907
They were just talking bullshit.
445
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,326
Ah, who knows?
Maybe not.
446
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,662
There are certain things
a girl just don't want to hear
447
00:29:49,830 --> 00:29:52,331
no matter how old she gets.
448
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:54,792
But that's the deal, right?
449
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,211
You're only as good as what's in
your bra and panties.
450
00:29:58,464 --> 00:30:00,131
It's weird.
451
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:03,384
You're a dream.
452
00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:06,220
It looks like you've been popped
out of the movie
453
00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:07,930
to sit on the couch with me.
454
00:30:09,892 --> 00:30:14,270
I used to watch your movies and think
about how great it would be
455
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:18,316
to meet you and talk to you,
hang out with you.
456
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:20,943
But it was always just a dream.
457
00:30:23,739 --> 00:30:25,781
But now my dream is real.
458
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:29,452
Get a lot of ass talking like that?
459
00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:34,248
You got any dough?
460
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:37,293
My wallet is in my backpack.
461
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:41,297
I'm calling you a cab.
462
00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:43,508
(phone ringing)
463
00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:51,057
Recording: You've reached the Country
Checkered Cab Company
464
00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:53,768
serving Pinhook, Loogootee
465
00:30:53,936 --> 00:30:56,187
and all of greater
Guthrie Township.
466
00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:59,774
Your call is important to us.
467
00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,651
Please wait.
468
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,111
So where are you staying?
469
00:31:05,656 --> 00:31:07,865
Fuck.
470
00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:11,536
Come on.
471
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,579
Wake up.
472
00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:16,290
The school bus is outside.
473
00:31:16,458 --> 00:31:19,418
The ice cream man is here.
474
00:31:19,586 --> 00:31:22,630
Santa Claus came.
475
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:33,849
(meows)
476
00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:09,135
(horn honks)
477
00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:11,887
(car approaching)
478
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:15,057
Hey, Kayla kitten.
479
00:32:20,689 --> 00:32:23,357
Ronny, a phone call
would really be appreciated
480
00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:25,818
before you decide
to just drop on by.
481
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:28,863
I saw the police and ambulance
at the club last night.
482
00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:31,365
I just came by to see
if you were dead.
483
00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:35,328
Well, sorry to disappoint you.
484
00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:37,830
"Stripper Wins Custody Battle."
485
00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:40,916
That's not a headline you read
a whole bunch, huh?
486
00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:44,045
Well, I've got to make
a living somehow.
487
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:47,381
It's not like your alimony
can keep me going.
488
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:49,008
No, well, that's why I came by.
489
00:32:49,176 --> 00:32:52,970
See, my lawyer, he wants to make some
changes now that you're working.
490
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,306
Great.
491
00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:58,976
So?
You gonna invite us in?
492
00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:02,438
Look,
493
00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:05,274
it's 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning.
494
00:33:05,442 --> 00:33:08,277
Can't we... can't we do this
some other time?
495
00:33:08,445 --> 00:33:12,239
I ain't leaving. So maybe we'd just
better take this inside, huh?
496
00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:16,535
No.
497
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:21,791
You got somebody in there,
don't you?
498
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,959
It's none of your goddamn business.
499
00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:27,004
You're turning tricks again,
aren't you?
500
00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:29,840
Monica: You know what?
Fuck you.
501
00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,760
Ronny:
The judge is gonna love this.
502
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:35,513
This... this is rich.
503
00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:39,058
I've got to see for myself
what kid of loser
504
00:33:39,226 --> 00:33:41,852
pays money to screw
an old shipwreck like you.
505
00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:43,979
What?
506
00:33:45,399 --> 00:33:47,274
Hey hey!
Hey hey! Ow!
507
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,026
- Get out of here! Just get out!
- Dumb bitch.
508
00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:52,530
Hey, you're sick, you know that?
You need help.
509
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:54,990
Just go.
Go, little man.
510
00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:57,993
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- Mommy!
511
00:33:59,663 --> 00:34:01,997
Keep it up, you'll see her
when she's 21.
512
00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:06,711
Kayla baby, I'm sorry.
513
00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:09,588
Everything's gonna be fine.
514
00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:28,691
What are you doing?
515
00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:32,737
Look, it's not a good time.
516
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:33,904
You need to go.
517
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:36,532
Wakey wakey,
eggs and bacey.
518
00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:39,785
It's... you shouldn't have
been here to begin with.
519
00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:41,662
Just beat it.
520
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:44,373
Breakfast is the most important
meal of the day.
521
00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:47,918
Those eggs
are probably bad.
522
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,383
Five minutes.
523
00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:57,762
Breakfast and then I'll go.
524
00:35:13,278 --> 00:35:15,154
This is a switch.
525
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,413
(crying)
526
00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,316
Look, you really really
need to go.
527
00:35:56,404 --> 00:36:00,324
Um, can I get your autograph?
528
00:36:02,244 --> 00:36:04,119
Sure.
529
00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:07,164
Like one on
your underwear or something?
530
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:10,292
No no. Hold on.
531
00:36:16,299 --> 00:36:18,342
Monica:
Jeez, look at this.
532
00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:21,053
Some old perv croak
and leave it to you?
533
00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:25,057
No, it's, uh, mine.
534
00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:28,143
God.
535
00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:31,021
Haven't seen that stuff in years.
536
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:34,275
My ex made me burn
all my movie junk.
537
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,654
Oh, here you are.
Girl of the Month.
538
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:41,532
Yeah, right.
My big break.
539
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:45,327
- Miss January, 1978.
- 1978.
540
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:50,624
Um, were your turn-ons
541
00:36:50,792 --> 00:36:53,502
really chest hair
and customized vans?
542
00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:56,297
If they were,
they sure ain't now.
543
00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:59,884
I think my manager
wrote most of that crap.
544
00:37:02,095 --> 00:37:04,972
Hey, what's that?
545
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,226
That's the premiere of
"Furburger Deluxe."
546
00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:12,438
Oh right,
the drive-in waitress one.
547
00:37:12,606 --> 00:37:14,481
Believe me,
548
00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,943
bending over in roller skates
is not as easy as it looks.
549
00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:22,990
God, where'd you get all this crap?
550
00:37:23,158 --> 00:37:25,117
Uh, the web,
551
00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:28,037
junk stores.
552
00:37:28,204 --> 00:37:29,997
All over.
553
00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:32,750
Must have a lot of time
on your hands.
554
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:34,627
You're the best.
555
00:37:34,794 --> 00:37:37,463
I don't get into much.
Only the best.
556
00:37:37,631 --> 00:37:40,257
Yeah, were the best.
Were.
557
00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:45,095
You know, all this time
558
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:49,016
I told my folks that I was
a jazzercise instructor.
559
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,357
13 years of my life
560
00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:59,234
right here.
561
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,915
Look, you should split.
562
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:14,375
I've got some people coming by.
563
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:17,336
It was really nice to meet you.
564
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:24,051
So can I see you?
565
00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,345
Bye-bye.
566
00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,391
- My van is really far.
- Bye.
567
00:38:33,603 --> 00:38:35,729
Yeah.
568
00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:37,815
All right, see you later.
569
00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:40,859
Maybe.
570
00:38:55,417 --> 00:38:57,835
♪ Keep knocking
and you can't come in ♪
571
00:38:58,003 --> 00:39:01,088
♪ Keep knocking and you
can't come in ♪
572
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:04,425
♪ Keep knocking
and you can't come in... ♪
573
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,635
Pop Pop:
Hello.
574
00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:09,221
Tobe's not here.
575
00:39:09,389 --> 00:39:11,932
Speak slow and leave your number.
576
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:14,268
Semper fi.
577
00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:16,645
(machine beeps)
578
00:39:16,813 --> 00:39:19,356
Hey, Pop Pop.
It's Tobe.
579
00:39:19,524 --> 00:39:21,525
I'm in Indiana.
580
00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:24,028
I got beat up,
581
00:39:24,195 --> 00:39:26,280
cheated out of money,
582
00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:28,866
someone spray painted the truck,
583
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,076
people tell me to go home.
584
00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:34,538
So much for small-town hospitality.
585
00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:37,416
Don't touch my junk.
I'm coming back.
586
00:39:37,584 --> 00:39:41,587
I'm just gonna sell the truck
and take a bus home.
587
00:39:41,755 --> 00:39:44,465
- Hello?
- Tobe: Hey, Claude.
588
00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:46,175
It's Tobe.
589
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:49,219
I'm driving through
your neighbor's cornfields.
590
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:53,140
- I'm in the big white barn.
- I see it.
591
00:40:01,775 --> 00:40:04,359
(engine sputters)
592
00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:10,949
Claude:
Can you see me?
593
00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:16,413
- Uh, yeah, I see you.
- I can see you too.
594
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,749
- (roars)
- (screams)
595
00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,959
(laughing)
596
00:40:21,127 --> 00:40:22,836
Oh, I'm sorry.
597
00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:25,297
Listen, I put a lot
of work into that guy.
598
00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,216
I've got to use him
every chance I get.
599
00:40:27,383 --> 00:40:29,384
Claude Turner.
600
00:40:29,552 --> 00:40:31,595
Hey, Tobe.
601
00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:33,931
You look like
you're having a rough trip.
602
00:40:34,099 --> 00:40:36,058
No, it's cool.
603
00:40:36,226 --> 00:40:37,601
You want to check out the truck?
604
00:40:37,769 --> 00:40:40,854
The phallic symbol express?
Absolutely.
605
00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:42,564
Come on.
606
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:50,447
Hmm.
607
00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:55,244
Whatever floats your boat.
608
00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:58,163
Claude:
Come on in.
609
00:40:58,331 --> 00:40:59,915
Whoa.
610
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:02,126
(bottles clinking)
611
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:11,343
So you're an artist?
612
00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:14,096
That's a good word.
613
00:41:14,264 --> 00:41:16,223
Pretty cool stuff.
614
00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,350
More good words.
615
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,352
Here you go.
616
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,479
Root beer, king of soda.
617
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:33,407
You collect all the stuff my grandpa
would tell me to throw out.
618
00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:35,784
He called it junk.
619
00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,661
American culture.
620
00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,123
Junk is America.
621
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:45,377
We don't have the Sistine Chapel
or the pyramids.
622
00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:49,131
We have PEZ dispensers
623
00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:51,800
and Big Boy
624
00:41:51,968 --> 00:41:55,345
and trucks with weenies.
625
00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:58,432
And a Russ Meyer
and a Creature Feature.
626
00:41:58,600 --> 00:41:59,933
- (roars)
- Oh!
627
00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:02,311
(laughing)
628
00:42:02,478 --> 00:42:05,105
Look, we're only 200 years old.
629
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,357
We're still the naive,
630
00:42:07,525 --> 00:42:09,860
over-hormonal teenagers
of planet Earth
631
00:42:10,028 --> 00:42:12,321
making lots of mistakes.
632
00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:20,287
- That's five grand, right?
- Yeah.
633
00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:25,709
Oh, uh, no checks.
634
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,961
Cash.
635
00:42:28,129 --> 00:42:30,255
Oh?
636
00:42:30,423 --> 00:42:32,216
Hmm.
637
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:34,593
Well, you know,
638
00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:38,472
I'm not the cash-laden
celeb artist I appear to be.
639
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,601
It'll take me a few days before
I can get over to the bank.
640
00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:46,313
But I can offer you something
for collateral.
641
00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:48,273
Maybe we can even make a trade.
642
00:42:48,441 --> 00:42:51,610
How about Uncle Ronny
or Tricky Dick for the truck?
643
00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:55,822
I can stay in town until Monday.
644
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:58,158
Is Monday good?
645
00:42:58,326 --> 00:43:00,661
Okay.
646
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:04,456
(Claude laughs)
647
00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:08,293
♪ See see Rider ♪
648
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:13,715
♪ See what you've done done ♪
649
00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:17,135
♪ Lord Lord Lord ♪
650
00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:19,972
♪ Made me love you ♪
651
00:43:20,139 --> 00:43:25,018
♪ Now your gal done come ♪
652
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:31,775
♪ You made me love you ♪
653
00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:36,905
♪ Now your gal done come. ♪
654
00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:08,520
(engine sputters)
655
00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:20,824
Hey. Hey!
656
00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:22,617
Who are you?
657
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:25,287
Uh, a friend.
658
00:44:25,455 --> 00:44:27,789
She's not here right now.
659
00:44:27,957 --> 00:44:30,542
Go get your happy ending
somewhere else.
660
00:44:30,710 --> 00:44:33,628
Thanks for the tip.
661
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:36,298
What's the matter?
662
00:44:36,466 --> 00:44:38,884
You got something against
beautiful teenage girls?
663
00:44:39,052 --> 00:44:40,844
You miss your mommy?
664
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,638
Or did you forget what year it is?
(laughs)
665
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,725
(camera clicks)
666
00:45:03,409 --> 00:45:05,202
Woman: Hey!
667
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,329
- What you do?
- I'm her husband.
668
00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:10,165
You bug off.
669
00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:13,001
- I call police.
- Hey hey, relax.
670
00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:15,379
- (shouting in Cambodian)
- Ow! Hey!
671
00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:17,506
Hey, stop it!
672
00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,507
Hey hey!
673
00:45:18,674 --> 00:45:20,717
Yeah, I know, steamed dumplings
in 20 minutes. Yeah.
674
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:23,053
Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
675
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:38,693
- Thanks for coming down.
- Who couldn't wash somebody's hair?
676
00:45:38,861 --> 00:45:41,488
A dead monkey could do this,
I'm telling you.
677
00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:43,698
You know I have a kid right?
678
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:48,370
Weekends, extra,
whatever you need.
679
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:55,377
Hey.
Hey.
680
00:45:55,545 --> 00:45:58,213
She says I don't have
the proper image, she says.
681
00:45:58,381 --> 00:46:01,550
She says this is a class establishment.
682
00:46:01,717 --> 00:46:03,718
Dusty-cunted old hag,
where does she get off?
683
00:46:03,886 --> 00:46:05,804
I've got class coming out
of my friggin' ass.
684
00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:09,224
Swear to God,
685
00:46:09,392 --> 00:46:12,644
you screw a few hundred guys
and the whole world turns against you.
686
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:17,858
I need a drink.
687
00:46:25,575 --> 00:46:26,950
Hold this.
688
00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:32,372
Fuck 'em all.
689
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,838
(slurping)
690
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,550
That winner at my house
the other morning was my ex,
691
00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:46,261
if you hadn't figured that out.
692
00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,430
Sounds like a good person
to be broken up with.
693
00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:50,807
Yeah. Right now
it's looking pretty crappy.
694
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:54,561
I'm taking him to court
to get custody of my daughter.
695
00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:57,272
If he finds out I'm back in the biz
696
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,358
I've got a snowball's chance in hell.
697
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:03,737
But you're not still in it, are you?
698
00:47:03,905 --> 00:47:07,324
You haven't done a movie
since "Where's the Beef?"
699
00:47:07,492 --> 00:47:09,618
No, there's these local guys,
700
00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:12,370
they want to put me
in a comeback movie.
701
00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:15,916
They say I've got
box cover recognition.
702
00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:21,755
I shouldn't do it,
but I'm fucking broker than broke.
703
00:47:21,923 --> 00:47:26,134
Won't your ex find out?
Can't you do something else?
704
00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:28,678
Yeah.
705
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,097
You saw how that went.
706
00:47:34,769 --> 00:47:36,561
So what's this movie about?
707
00:47:36,729 --> 00:47:41,149
Well, there's no script,
but I think it's gonna be good.
708
00:47:41,317 --> 00:47:43,568
I mean classy.
Something that'll lead to bigger things.
709
00:47:43,736 --> 00:47:45,403
What's it called?
710
00:47:46,822 --> 00:47:48,114
"Bunghole Banditos."
711
00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:52,160
Wow.
712
00:47:52,328 --> 00:47:55,121
Sounds like Oscar time.
713
00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:57,082
I don't know.
714
00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:59,918
It's not gonna be like the old days.
715
00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:02,754
They had real stories.
716
00:48:02,922 --> 00:48:05,590
We were actresses.
We tried to make it believable.
717
00:48:05,758 --> 00:48:08,843
Yeah, now it's like Evel Knievel
is directing.
718
00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:12,013
Yeah right.
50 guys, one girl,
719
00:48:12,181 --> 00:48:14,516
half a gallon of Crisco...
will she make it?
720
00:48:15,518 --> 00:48:17,769
- Did you hear her?
- Yeah, but...
721
00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,689
they want to pay me three grand.
722
00:48:20,856 --> 00:48:22,983
That's a lot more
than I got in the '70s.
723
00:48:23,150 --> 00:48:26,778
I mean, some of those early ones
all I got was 50 bucks,
724
00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:29,698
a stick of grass
and a case of the crabs.
725
00:48:29,865 --> 00:48:31,533
(groans)
726
00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:36,955
Is the crabs thing
still part of your contract?
727
00:48:40,126 --> 00:48:42,919
You are a weird fucking kid.
728
00:48:45,006 --> 00:48:48,049
Linda.
Linda baby,
729
00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:50,594
we've got to get together,
730
00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:53,847
- party sometime.
- Yeah, whoo!
731
00:48:54,015 --> 00:48:56,641
Sure, how's never?
Is never a good time?
732
00:48:56,809 --> 00:48:59,769
- I got 20 bucks.
- (men laugh)
733
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:06,234
That's my real name...
Linda Romanoli.
734
00:49:06,402 --> 00:49:08,778
You probably already knew that.
735
00:49:10,406 --> 00:49:13,116
And my shoe size
and blood type too.
736
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:15,327
Eight and a half.
737
00:49:17,163 --> 00:49:21,041
I don't know your blood type.
Honest.
738
00:49:27,048 --> 00:49:29,716
I'm gonna be sick.
I've got to sit down.
739
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:32,969
All right, don't sit.
Don't sit. Don't sit.
740
00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:35,472
You're almost home.
741
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,350
♪ Doing things right
four or five times ♪
742
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:39,809
♪ Four or five times ♪
743
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,937
- ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪
- ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪
744
00:49:43,105 --> 00:49:45,482
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪
745
00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,692
- (grunts)
- ♪ If I die ♪
746
00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:50,195
♪ I'm gonna try
four or five times ♪
747
00:49:50,363 --> 00:49:51,821
♪ Four of five times... ♪
748
00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:54,115
(scatting)
749
00:49:58,287 --> 00:50:00,955
- Hold on.
- Oh!
750
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:05,877
What kind of knight
in shining armor are you?
751
00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:10,757
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪
- ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪
752
00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:13,551
No no.
No no no.
753
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,137
You're kinda cute.
754
00:50:16,305 --> 00:50:19,974
Like the guy in the "Archie"
comics with the funny hat.
755
00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:23,937
Jughead. He was the drummer
in their band.
756
00:50:24,105 --> 00:50:26,189
Right.
757
00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:31,569
Oh!
758
00:50:31,737 --> 00:50:34,197
(groans)
759
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:37,492
- I'm thinking you maybe should leave.
- (water running)
760
00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:43,331
Here.
761
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,884
Can I call you?
762
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,429
(snoring)
763
00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:23,204
Score.
764
00:51:35,134 --> 00:51:36,217
What can I do for you today?
765
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:40,096
Um... uh...
766
00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:43,892
I'd like to buy some fireworks.
767
00:51:50,900 --> 00:51:52,525
(knocks)
768
00:52:02,369 --> 00:52:05,997
You look for her?
769
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:09,626
Uh, yeah.
Do you know where she is?
770
00:52:09,794 --> 00:52:11,753
At school.
771
00:52:11,921 --> 00:52:13,963
Every day same time.
772
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,508
Do you know where that is?
773
00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:19,886
This way.
Not far.
774
00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:21,763
Half a mile.
775
00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,965
♪ Baby ♪
776
00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:59,843
♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪
777
00:53:00,010 --> 00:53:02,846
- Hello.
- Hi, Daddy.
778
00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:06,599
♪ I say baby... ♪
779
00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:10,353
- How was school?
♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪
780
00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:16,067
♪ Mmm, baby ♪
781
00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:19,362
♪ Tell me if you're satisfied ♪
782
00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:24,242
(whistling)
783
00:53:38,215 --> 00:53:40,508
Tobe: They're so worried
about your safety, you know?
784
00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:44,637
They spend half your class time
letting you know that drugs kill,
785
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,056
don't drink and drive,
786
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:49,851
don't have sex...
you'll get AIDs,
787
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:52,645
don't commit suicide.
If you're thinking about it get help.
788
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,439
And then what do they do?
789
00:53:54,607 --> 00:53:58,318
Uh, I can't think.
790
00:53:58,485 --> 00:54:01,321
Well, here, they let you
sign up for the army
791
00:54:01,488 --> 00:54:03,615
at the booth
in front of the gym.
792
00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:05,158
- Gym?
- Uh-huh.
793
00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:06,743
- (phone ringing)
- I hate gym.
794
00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:09,746
Hold that thought.
795
00:54:11,332 --> 00:54:14,125
- Hey, Monica.
- Hey, kiddo. I got your note.
796
00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:17,462
(spooky music playing)
797
00:54:17,630 --> 00:54:20,214
Man:
There is only one thing to do.
798
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:23,259
Frankenbooty must be destroyed.
799
00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:25,261
- I won an award for this.
- (man grunting)
800
00:54:25,429 --> 00:54:29,098
Yeah, the Coochie Award
for breast actress, 1980.
801
00:54:29,266 --> 00:54:30,350
Yeah yeah.
802
00:54:30,517 --> 00:54:34,270
It's kind of like an Oscar
except shaped like a horse dick.
803
00:54:34,438 --> 00:54:37,440
I wound up banging the dents
out of my Chevy with it.
804
00:54:39,401 --> 00:54:41,694
What was it like working
with Donnie Davis?
805
00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:45,281
I mean, he totally
revolutionized horror
806
00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:49,118
with "The Last House on the Street"
and "The House Two Doors Down."
807
00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:51,371
Well, I can't tell you much there.
808
00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:54,791
I mean, the guy knocked off
a case of Scotch a week.
809
00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:57,377
He wasn't awake for most of the shoot,
and when he was
810
00:54:57,544 --> 00:55:01,297
his attention was mostly focused on
how to most effectively grab my ass.
811
00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:03,675
- (screams)
- (groaning)
812
00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:05,760
(screams)
813
00:55:09,682 --> 00:55:12,225
Now this part,
to me this is like
814
00:55:12,393 --> 00:55:15,728
a direct homage
to the Hammer Films tradition
815
00:55:15,896 --> 00:55:17,480
of horror with sex.
816
00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:19,315
Homage?
Ain't that cheese?
817
00:55:19,483 --> 00:55:21,150
(chuckles)
818
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:24,946
Oh no, it's French.
It means "to show respect for."
819
00:55:25,114 --> 00:55:28,199
(moaning)
820
00:55:28,367 --> 00:55:32,203
Well, the only French you should use
when talking about this masterpiece
821
00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:36,332
is "la turd"
or "la money de easy."
822
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,418
You know what I think of this?
823
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:40,878
It was fun to make
824
00:55:41,046 --> 00:55:43,131
but boring as paint drying to watch.
825
00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:45,258
(grunting)
826
00:55:45,426 --> 00:55:48,428
- (moans loudly)
- Oh!
827
00:55:50,055 --> 00:55:53,349
Now you know how it feels.
828
00:55:53,517 --> 00:55:55,685
(laughs)
829
00:56:01,734 --> 00:56:04,444
You are a weird fucking kid.
830
00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:13,911
(camera beeping, clicking)
831
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:21,210
Come on.
I look like dog crap.
832
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:24,297
You, nature...
what's not to like?
833
00:56:24,465 --> 00:56:26,632
You'll break your camera.
834
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:29,469
(sighs)
835
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:33,598
Where the hell are we going?
836
00:56:35,142 --> 00:56:37,477
You wouldn't be the first guy
to take me out to the woods
837
00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:39,437
to try and kill me, you know.
838
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,524
That's weird.
839
00:56:52,326 --> 00:56:55,119
- And?
- Sit down.
840
00:56:55,287 --> 00:56:57,413
Relax.
841
00:56:59,625 --> 00:57:02,043
What are you doing?
842
00:57:02,211 --> 00:57:04,378
It's okay.
843
00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:07,381
Are you... are you trying
to fucking kill me?
844
00:57:07,549 --> 00:57:10,259
Okay, turn it off.
I'm not kidding.
845
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,428
It's okay, it's okay.
846
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:14,639
It's our one-week anniversary.
847
00:57:14,807 --> 00:57:16,599
I met you a week ago today.
848
00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:18,643
- (fireworks exploding)
- All right, get down. Get down.
849
00:57:18,811 --> 00:57:20,937
(Monica screaming)
850
00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:24,732
- (Tobe coughing)
- You fucking dick.
851
00:57:27,194 --> 00:57:29,570
(Tobe laughs)
852
00:57:34,576 --> 00:57:37,537
- Tobe: That was awesome.
- Monica: That was really good.
853
00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:42,291
(coughs)
854
00:57:46,421 --> 00:57:49,757
And for dinner
we have hot dogs.
855
00:57:49,925 --> 00:57:52,301
That's a shock.
856
00:57:56,515 --> 00:58:01,269
So how did you first hook up
with Mr. Wonderful?
857
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:04,063
Yeah, right.
858
00:58:04,231 --> 00:58:08,025
I had this gig dancing
down in Tampa.
859
00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:12,488
And he brought in
his business clients,
860
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:14,907
became a regular,
talked to the girls,
861
00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:17,702
started asking me out
and after a while I said yeah.
862
00:58:19,037 --> 00:58:21,914
And at first it was nice.
863
00:58:23,625 --> 00:58:25,918
He treated me good.
864
00:58:26,086 --> 00:58:28,004
He bought me nice stuff.
865
00:58:28,172 --> 00:58:30,256
He had a good job.
He was straight.
866
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:33,885
So getting married
seemed like the thing to do.
867
00:58:34,052 --> 00:58:36,762
And I tried to be a good girl,
868
00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,765
but it weren't enough.
869
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,727
What he wanted
was a goddamn slave.
870
00:58:42,895 --> 00:58:44,520
Ouch.
871
00:58:44,688 --> 00:58:46,606
Yeah, we fought all the time,
872
00:58:46,773 --> 00:58:49,483
throwing dishes,
the whole nine yards.
873
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:52,612
We knew the cops
by name after awhile.
874
00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:59,452
Everybody makes mistakes.
875
00:58:59,620 --> 00:59:01,495
Yeah, everybody makes mistakes.
876
00:59:01,663 --> 00:59:04,248
Sure, but it ain't that easy.
877
00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,960
You can make a mistake
that can ruin your whole life.
878
00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:12,632
He didn't ruin your life.
879
00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:16,427
Yeah, I got Kayla out of it.
880
00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:20,556
It's just life, you know?
881
00:59:20,724 --> 00:59:23,893
You get sucked into things
and time goes by
882
00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:26,479
and you wonder who's that
looking at you in the mirror.
883
00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:28,689
Not that you'd understand.
884
00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:33,069
It's just...
885
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,989
I thought I'd be
farther along at this age,
886
00:59:37,157 --> 00:59:39,951
made a difference in the world.
887
00:59:40,118 --> 00:59:41,744
You know?
888
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:49,877
But you have made a difference.
889
00:59:50,045 --> 00:59:53,130
You made people happy, excited.
890
00:59:53,298 --> 00:59:54,465
Excited?
891
00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:58,636
I think I've had a little too much
of that kind of excitement in my life.
892
00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,972
People like me...
893
01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:04,141
goofy-looking guys
who can't get a date,
894
01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:07,812
lonely old guys
or couples even.
895
01:00:07,980 --> 01:00:11,148
I mean, there are probably
thousands of babies
896
01:00:11,316 --> 01:00:14,360
born from
"Jigglebuns Part 2" alone.
897
01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,529
Yeah.
898
01:00:17,698 --> 01:00:19,532
Maybe.
899
01:00:22,744 --> 01:00:24,787
Got a girlfriend?
900
01:00:27,165 --> 01:00:29,375
No.
901
01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,002
I don't know.
902
01:00:31,169 --> 01:00:34,714
There was this one girl
I liked... Amanda.
903
01:00:36,591 --> 01:00:38,718
But she's a dork.
904
01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:41,554
And I'm a dork.
905
01:00:42,723 --> 01:00:45,766
I think dork dating
is still illegal in most states.
906
01:00:47,352 --> 01:00:49,645
You're just scared.
907
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:51,772
I'm not scared.
908
01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:54,734
Young and scared
of the real thing.
909
01:00:56,653 --> 01:00:59,155
You're scared
it won't be like a movie.
910
01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:05,369
If you could be anywhere
in the world right now,
911
01:01:05,537 --> 01:01:07,455
where would you be?
912
01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,540
I don't know.
913
01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:11,625
Well, think of someplace.
914
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:13,586
But how am I gonna get there?
915
01:01:13,754 --> 01:01:16,756
You gonna drive me
in the bonermobile?
916
01:01:23,013 --> 01:01:25,389
Okay.
917
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:28,559
Oregon.
918
01:01:28,727 --> 01:01:31,312
What's in Oregon?
919
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:33,189
It's natural out there.
920
01:01:33,357 --> 01:01:36,025
I don't know.
It's spiritual.
921
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:41,364
There's the ocean
and clams on the beach.
922
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,948
Great dope.
923
01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:46,494
Me and Kayla,
we get a place in the woods...
924
01:01:46,661 --> 01:01:47,995
a log cabin.
925
01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:51,332
Nobody looking down
their noses at us anymore.
926
01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:54,835
I heard of a family
who did that once.
927
01:01:55,003 --> 01:01:56,545
Really?
928
01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:58,547
Yeah.
929
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:00,633
Gave it all up and moved
out into the woods.
930
01:02:00,801 --> 01:02:02,885
That's cool.
How'd they do?
931
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:05,304
One winter they got snowed in
932
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,807
and they had to eat their grandma.
933
01:02:11,478 --> 01:02:12,978
You know, for a young kid,
934
01:02:13,146 --> 01:02:15,815
you really are a negative downer.
935
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,486
Sorry.
936
01:02:20,654 --> 01:02:22,863
You know what I hate more
than anything else?
937
01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:25,282
Negativeness.
938
01:02:29,955 --> 01:02:32,164
Hmm.
939
01:02:36,336 --> 01:02:38,838
I sort of have a confession to make.
940
01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:42,299
I knew this was coming.
941
01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:46,637
I'm 17.
942
01:02:47,889 --> 01:02:49,849
17.
943
01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:51,642
Fuck.
944
01:02:52,811 --> 01:02:55,938
I think the last date I had
with a 17-year-old,
945
01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:58,983
I was 12.
946
01:03:00,402 --> 01:03:01,861
I turn 18 in October.
947
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,740
Hmm.
948
01:03:16,918 --> 01:03:18,836
You a virgin?
949
01:03:23,592 --> 01:03:25,134
It's cute.
950
01:03:25,302 --> 01:03:28,137
It's old-timey like a...
951
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:31,807
like a kid still wanting
to be president.
952
01:03:37,898 --> 01:03:39,690
Monica:
I'm not stupid.
953
01:03:39,858 --> 01:03:42,276
You had this all planned.
954
01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:45,446
Tobe: Is that okay?
We can go home.
955
01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:48,824
Monica:
No. It's original.
956
01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,494
"A" for effort.
957
01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:56,707
- Pinch a little, don't twist.
- Tobe: Oh.
958
01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,960
- You ain't changing channels.
- I'm sorry.
959
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,048
Monica:
No, don't press on it.
960
01:04:04,216 --> 01:04:06,300
More like you're painting a house.
961
01:04:06,468 --> 01:04:07,968
Tobe:
Is this good?
962
01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:10,221
Monica:
There you go.
963
01:04:10,388 --> 01:04:12,640
Just like that.
964
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,434
(moans)
965
01:04:15,602 --> 01:04:18,354
Now put a raincoat
on your little friend there.
966
01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:22,191
- Tobe: Little?
- Don't worry about it.
967
01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:26,278
- Tobe: Oh, wow.
- Monica: Oh, that's right.
968
01:04:26,446 --> 01:04:29,031
- (Tobe moaning)
- Back and forth.
969
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:32,701
- Little circles.
- (Tobe moaning louder)
970
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,745
(Monica moaning)
Little circles.
971
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,039
(both moaning)
972
01:04:43,088 --> 01:04:45,381
(both sigh)
973
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:50,052
('30s music playing)
974
01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:55,015
Whoo!
975
01:04:55,183 --> 01:04:58,352
Whoo!
Yeah!
976
01:05:00,313 --> 01:05:03,399
♪ I love someone second to none ♪
977
01:05:03,567 --> 01:05:06,485
♪ But, Cupid, you hear me
talking to you ♪
978
01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:11,240
♪ In making love he makes
a dove look stupid ♪
979
01:05:12,951 --> 01:05:15,786
♪ He's made love a special art ♪
980
01:05:15,954 --> 01:05:18,998
♪ Gives me treatment for my heart ♪
981
01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:21,542
♪ I realized ♪
982
01:05:21,710 --> 01:05:23,752
♪ Right from the start... ♪
983
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,088
(answering machine beeps)
984
01:05:26,256 --> 01:05:28,340
Hey, Pop Pop, call me.
985
01:05:28,508 --> 01:05:31,093
Call me back on the telephone.
986
01:05:31,261 --> 01:05:33,012
You know, the telephone?
987
01:05:33,179 --> 01:05:34,930
Remember reading about that?
988
01:05:35,098 --> 01:05:37,433
It was invented shortly
after your 40th birthday.
989
01:05:37,601 --> 01:05:40,102
It's where you can talk to people far
away without having to yell real loud.
990
01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:42,187
Come on.
991
01:05:42,355 --> 01:05:44,189
(dialing)
992
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:46,650
(ringing)
993
01:05:46,818 --> 01:05:48,777
Kenny: Steeno residence,
Kenneth speaking.
994
01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:51,572
Kenny, it's Tobe.
Hey, have you seen my grandpa?
995
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:54,074
- Is he all right?
- I was at the skin doctor all day.
996
01:05:54,242 --> 01:05:57,995
Do me a favor... find him.
Tell him to ignore my last message.
997
01:05:58,163 --> 01:05:59,955
I don't think I'm coming back.
998
01:06:00,123 --> 01:06:01,915
Huh? Why?
999
01:06:02,083 --> 01:06:03,917
Tell him I'm in love
1000
01:06:04,085 --> 01:06:06,295
with Monica Velour.
1001
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,464
Who's that?
1002
01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,008
It's the lady in all my posters.
1003
01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:13,594
Just do it.
1004
01:06:13,762 --> 01:06:15,929
(chatting)
1005
01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:22,770
I don't know where
you get that, but it's good.
1006
01:06:22,937 --> 01:06:25,189
I need that too.
1007
01:06:25,357 --> 01:06:28,359
Hot dogs.
Get your hot dogs.
1008
01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:31,028
(men laughing)
1009
01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:39,161
Hi, Mommy.
1010
01:06:40,163 --> 01:06:41,997
Hey, baby.
1011
01:06:42,165 --> 01:06:44,416
Uh, why aren't you with your daddy?
1012
01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:46,710
Tobe said you wanted to see me.
1013
01:06:48,254 --> 01:06:49,838
Didn't I tell you never
to go with strangers?
1014
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,758
He's not a stranger. He's your friend.
I saw him in your house.
1015
01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:54,927
What the hell are you doing?
1016
01:06:55,095 --> 01:06:56,804
Are you crazy?
1017
01:06:56,971 --> 01:06:58,722
You wanted to see her.
Here she is.
1018
01:06:58,890 --> 01:07:01,558
And you didn't pick her up
so there's no custody rules broken.
1019
01:07:01,726 --> 01:07:05,145
This is not cool. My ex finds out
about this, he's gonna shit.
1020
01:07:06,272 --> 01:07:08,148
Johnny, watch Kayla, will you?
1021
01:07:08,316 --> 01:07:11,068
- Come here, Kayla.
- Go on, baby.
1022
01:07:14,072 --> 01:07:15,739
What are those guys doing here?
1023
01:07:15,907 --> 01:07:19,034
- They're my friends.
- They're the creeps who yelled at you.
1024
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:22,538
Look, you can't do this,
coming around out of the blue,
1025
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:25,416
picking up my kid,
asking all kinds of questions.
1026
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:28,836
- Huh-uh.
- Hey, who invited Oscar Mayer?
1027
01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:30,838
(laughing)
1028
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:33,799
I'd like to see you.
What about tomorrow?
1029
01:07:33,967 --> 01:07:36,009
I don't think so.
I'm working.
1030
01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:38,053
You got a job?
1031
01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:42,474
Yeah, I'm gonna do some glamour work
over at the Crestline Motor Lodge.
1032
01:07:42,642 --> 01:07:44,768
I'm gonna be a big star
all over again.
1033
01:07:46,646 --> 01:07:50,190
Wait, that
"Bunghole Burrito" movie?
1034
01:07:50,358 --> 01:07:51,859
I thought you said you didn't want to.
1035
01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:54,570
Yeah, well, when is life
doing things you want to?
1036
01:07:54,738 --> 01:07:56,405
I need the money.
You got any better suggestions?
1037
01:07:56,573 --> 01:08:01,243
I mean, I can't even get a six-buck-
an-hour shampoo girl job in this town.
1038
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:04,621
Not without someone waving
a dick in my face.
1039
01:08:04,789 --> 01:08:07,082
- Well, what about Kayla?
- What about Kayla?
1040
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,877
Lawyers don't work for free.
1041
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:12,880
No, you said that if people find out
you're back in the business,
1042
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:14,298
you would never get custody.
1043
01:08:14,466 --> 01:08:17,843
Well, maybe I'll get lucky this time.
1044
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,803
Nobody will ever know I did it.
1045
01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,764
The way this one sounds,
1046
01:08:21,931 --> 01:08:24,600
they're not gonna be taking
any close-ups of my face anyway.
1047
01:08:24,768 --> 01:08:27,352
There has to be something else though.
1048
01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:29,313
This could ruin everything.
1049
01:08:29,481 --> 01:08:31,064
What are you getting
so high and mighty for?
1050
01:08:31,232 --> 01:08:34,693
You wouldn't even know who I was
unless I balled on camera.
1051
01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:42,451
Come on, Linda.
Beer's getting cold.
1052
01:08:42,619 --> 01:08:44,453
I mean warm.
1053
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:47,664
- And I'm getting cold. Come on.
- (laughing)
1054
01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:50,501
You know something?
You're just like all the rest.
1055
01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:55,631
You spend your whole life looking
for some wild jungle sex machine.
1056
01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:59,176
And when you find one all you want to do
is turn her into fucking June Cleaver.
1057
01:09:00,887 --> 01:09:03,972
I just... I just don't think
you should do it. I could help you.
1058
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:06,558
Look, I don't need another guy
1059
01:09:06,726 --> 01:09:08,936
trying to run my life.
1060
01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:10,604
You're not my boyfriend.
1061
01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:13,315
You're some kid I took home
'cause I felt sorry for.
1062
01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:15,150
And you're fucking 17.
1063
01:09:15,318 --> 01:09:18,445
I mean, all you know about
is, like, book reports
1064
01:09:18,613 --> 01:09:20,197
and dances at the gym
1065
01:09:20,365 --> 01:09:23,033
and some stupid movies I did
30 years ago.
1066
01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:26,995
I mean, that's fantasy.
This is reality.
1067
01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:29,164
That's something you know
nothing about.
1068
01:09:29,332 --> 01:09:32,376
And the reality is that me and every
other woman in the world...
1069
01:09:35,338 --> 01:09:37,214
we have minds of our own.
1070
01:09:37,382 --> 01:09:40,592
So unless you want to buy
some Arab slave girl
1071
01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,594
or a thing you blow up
with a bicycle pump,
1072
01:09:42,762 --> 01:09:44,930
you'd better learn
to fucking deal with it.
1073
01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:55,023
You should go.
1074
01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:58,318
Monica, really,
I care about you.
1075
01:09:58,486 --> 01:10:01,196
Yeah, that's not my name.
1076
01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:04,491
Hey, you got ears, weenie boy?
1077
01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:07,202
The lady don't want you
around here.
1078
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:09,872
You're busting up the party.
Amscray.
1079
01:10:13,167 --> 01:10:16,003
Okay, I want you to call your daddy
1080
01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:18,005
and tell him that
you're with a girlfriend
1081
01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:19,882
and you're gonna
be home soon, okay?
1082
01:10:20,049 --> 01:10:22,259
Okay.
1083
01:10:48,328 --> 01:10:50,412
- (snorting)
- Yeah, baby.
1084
01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:53,415
Oh, fuck me!
1085
01:10:53,583 --> 01:10:55,667
- (laughs)
- Later.
1086
01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:09,264
(laughing)
1087
01:11:09,432 --> 01:11:11,224
I see you.
1088
01:11:57,689 --> 01:11:59,606
(gagging)
1089
01:11:59,774 --> 01:12:02,275
Oh, fuck.
1090
01:12:13,997 --> 01:12:15,831
(crackling)
1091
01:12:17,959 --> 01:12:19,751
(knocks)
1092
01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,461
Hey, Tobe.
1093
01:12:24,882 --> 01:12:27,509
I was wondering
if I'd ever see you again.
1094
01:12:29,303 --> 01:12:33,265
Here to bestow me with the wondrous
educated hot dog?
1095
01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:35,225
Yeah.
1096
01:12:35,393 --> 01:12:37,728
Sorry, I got caught up
in some stuff.
1097
01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:40,063
That's five grand, right?
1098
01:12:44,944 --> 01:12:47,237
What kind of stuff catches you up
in Loogootee?
1099
01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:51,366
Well, there's this woman
I'm involved in.
1100
01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:53,702
You work fast.
1101
01:12:53,870 --> 01:12:56,329
I sort of knew her
from before.
1102
01:12:56,497 --> 01:12:59,374
Oh, the thick plottens.
1103
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:01,418
(laughs)
1104
01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:06,089
Everything hunky-dory?
1105
01:13:07,967 --> 01:13:10,177
I don't know. Maybe...
1106
01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:11,803
maybe I need some advice.
1107
01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:14,723
Well, if you don't mind
1108
01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:17,601
that I've lived alone
for going on 10 years.
1109
01:13:17,769 --> 01:13:22,314
When I was your age a computer
would fill this whole barn.
1110
01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:23,690
Sit down.
1111
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:38,330
This girl that I...
1112
01:13:38,498 --> 01:13:41,500
or this woman that I'm with,
1113
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,711
she's a mess.
1114
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:47,339
I see.
1115
01:13:47,507 --> 01:13:49,966
I mean, she's angry all the time.
1116
01:13:50,134 --> 01:13:54,930
You know, it's like she's given up
on things ever going right for her.
1117
01:13:55,098 --> 01:13:58,433
It's like the biggest problem
she has is her.
1118
01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:02,687
Sounds like a lot
of people sometime.
1119
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:08,193
How old is your lady-friend?
1120
01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:11,947
Uh, 49.
1121
01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:15,992
You know, I hate to be the one
to say this to you but...
1122
01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:20,455
but you may not be big enough
to go on this ride.
1123
01:14:22,166 --> 01:14:24,376
She's surrounded by creeps.
1124
01:14:24,544 --> 01:14:26,837
They're just taking
total advantage of her.
1125
01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:30,215
We bring people
into our lives for a reason.
1126
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:32,634
She brought you into hers.
1127
01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:35,345
I want to help her.
1128
01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:39,766
I know I can make
things better for her.
1129
01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:42,519
Yeah, helping people...
1130
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:46,481
tricky biz.
1131
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:50,068
Now you can open the door
and they just stay there.
1132
01:14:50,236 --> 01:14:52,696
Or even jump out the window.
1133
01:14:54,532 --> 01:14:56,867
But she's gonna ruin her life.
1134
01:14:57,034 --> 01:15:00,829
I don't... what should I do?
1135
01:15:00,997 --> 01:15:02,998
You care about her?
1136
01:15:03,166 --> 01:15:04,332
Yeah.
1137
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,919
Her, not just you and her?
1138
01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:12,007
Uh-huh.
1139
01:15:14,302 --> 01:15:15,760
(sighs)
1140
01:15:15,928 --> 01:15:18,513
Then you have to do the first thing
that comes into your mind.
1141
01:15:18,681 --> 01:15:20,932
Unless it involves automatic weapons.
1142
01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:23,351
Or semi-automatic weapons.
1143
01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,105
Even if you flop,
1144
01:15:27,273 --> 01:15:29,482
it'll be real.
1145
01:15:29,650 --> 01:15:31,985
It'll be a Tobe...
1146
01:15:32,153 --> 01:15:33,570
Hulbert.
1147
01:15:33,738 --> 01:15:37,115
It'll be a Tobe Hulbert flop.
1148
01:15:39,619 --> 01:15:41,578
But what if I do flop?
1149
01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:46,374
Well,
1150
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:50,212
my dad, also Claude,
was a magician
1151
01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:54,049
back when people
really wanted to believe
1152
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:56,801
in something
that was obviously unreal.
1153
01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:59,429
When I would watch him do his act,
1154
01:15:59,597 --> 01:16:02,182
it would be another layer
1155
01:16:02,350 --> 01:16:05,435
of mystery for me and my mom,
1156
01:16:05,603 --> 01:16:08,730
if the tricks he did last week
1157
01:16:08,898 --> 01:16:11,274
would work this week.
1158
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:14,736
They didn't always.
1159
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:19,407
Sometimes the rabbit
would be in heat.
1160
01:16:19,575 --> 01:16:21,618
Or the assistant got drunk.
1161
01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:24,913
Even magic
can let you down sometimes.
1162
01:16:26,582 --> 01:16:30,252
But when I would ask him
about things going wrong,
1163
01:16:30,419 --> 01:16:33,588
he said,
1164
01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:36,424
"Show up on time,
1165
01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:39,094
do your act 100%
1166
01:16:39,262 --> 01:16:40,679
and hope for the best."
1167
01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:44,766
So there you have it.
1168
01:16:44,934 --> 01:16:47,018
From my dad to you.
1169
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,605
Show up on time.
1170
01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:52,899
Do your act 100%.
1171
01:16:54,902 --> 01:16:56,528
And hope?
1172
01:16:56,696 --> 01:16:58,738
And hope.
1173
01:17:01,659 --> 01:17:04,327
Anything else?
1174
01:17:07,081 --> 01:17:08,581
- See you.
- Bye.
1175
01:17:08,749 --> 01:17:11,751
Thanks for the bike.
Wish me luck.
1176
01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:16,298
All effort only postpones
our inevitable failures.
1177
01:17:16,465 --> 01:17:19,551
- What?
- Good luck.
1178
01:17:50,624 --> 01:17:52,584
(knocking)
1179
01:17:54,712 --> 01:17:57,213
Yeah, no. Just...
1180
01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:01,384
(knocks)
1181
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,055
Listen, not happening, buddy,
all right?
1182
01:18:05,222 --> 01:18:07,140
Wait wait.
1183
01:18:07,308 --> 01:18:09,684
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah yeah. Come on in.
1184
01:18:09,852 --> 01:18:11,978
Hurry up.
1185
01:18:13,773 --> 01:18:15,440
I don't want him
to be part of this.
1186
01:18:15,608 --> 01:18:17,609
Who fucking cares
what you want?
1187
01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:19,569
The more the merrier.
1188
01:18:19,737 --> 01:18:21,738
And just for that,
Tinker Bell here gets first pop.
1189
01:18:24,367 --> 01:18:26,826
Listen, you little stalker
from a time warp.
1190
01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,541
Producer: All right, come on.
Strip down, bro.
1191
01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:36,044
It's almost game time.
I want to get some test shots.
1192
01:18:36,212 --> 01:18:39,047
Work on your wood, dude.
Time is money.
1193
01:18:43,302 --> 01:18:45,929
I'm gonna go grab me
some smokes.
1194
01:18:46,097 --> 01:18:47,806
And lube up, honey.
I want to get rolling.
1195
01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,891
Director:
Where are you going?
1196
01:18:58,109 --> 01:19:00,777
(all laughing)
1197
01:19:02,446 --> 01:19:04,781
(knocking)
1198
01:19:06,450 --> 01:19:08,576
It's the cops.
1199
01:19:08,744 --> 01:19:11,037
I'll handle this.
1200
01:19:12,665 --> 01:19:14,040
Howdy, Officers.
1201
01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:16,709
I got a report of some suspicious
activities in here.
1202
01:19:16,877 --> 01:19:20,713
No, just making a good old fashioned
all-American dirty movie.
1203
01:19:20,881 --> 01:19:22,549
You fellas care to join us?
1204
01:19:22,716 --> 01:19:24,843
Uh, no.
1205
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:27,345
We need to see IDs from everyone.
1206
01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:28,638
Come on, guys.
It's gonna be fine.
1207
01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:29,889
You in charge here?
1208
01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:32,809
Yeah, Rod Kroger.
This is my director Luke Rivet.
1209
01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:40,483
- Underage. 17.
- What? What?
1210
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:43,778
Are you... Rod, come on.
Rod! Rod!
1211
01:19:45,114 --> 01:19:48,450
Come on. Come on.
He's not even supposed to be here.
1212
01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:50,702
We haven't shot
anything yet, all right?
1213
01:19:50,870 --> 01:19:53,580
Son, you know what's going on here?
1214
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:57,584
They just told me if I did what they
said I could have a good time
1215
01:19:57,751 --> 01:19:59,752
- and make some money.
- Luke: Liar!
1216
01:19:59,920 --> 01:20:01,880
Get him out of here.
1217
01:20:02,882 --> 01:20:05,842
- Grab your gear, kid.
- Bitch, you set us up.
1218
01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:09,012
Party's over, amigos.
1219
01:20:26,864 --> 01:20:30,992
Oh, Jesus H Christ taking a dump.
What now?
1220
01:20:33,204 --> 01:20:35,705
Mrs. Hulbert, your son here
1221
01:20:35,873 --> 01:20:38,666
almost got into
some very serious trouble.
1222
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:41,544
I really think you need to keep
a closer watch on him,
1223
01:20:41,712 --> 01:20:44,881
his acquaintances,
his classmates,
1224
01:20:45,049 --> 01:20:47,550
his internet sites.
1225
01:20:47,718 --> 01:20:49,928
Pornography is an evil thing.
1226
01:20:50,095 --> 01:20:52,305
Thank you, Officer.
1227
01:20:54,058 --> 01:20:55,892
Love her with all your might, Tobe.
1228
01:20:56,060 --> 01:20:58,770
(clicks)
She's the only one you got.
1229
01:21:09,198 --> 01:21:11,157
Man, I loved her
in "Frankenbooty."
1230
01:21:11,325 --> 01:21:12,909
Female cop:
What?
1231
01:21:14,119 --> 01:21:16,120
That's two jobs
you screwed me out of.
1232
01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:17,914
And you almost got me busted.
1233
01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:20,250
Spent my last 20 bucks
on a cab ride home.
1234
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:22,377
You got some fucking
explaining to do, kiddo.
1235
01:21:25,839 --> 01:21:27,674
I, uh...
1236
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,676
I thought these
might help you in court.
1237
01:21:31,971 --> 01:21:33,680
Jesus.
1238
01:21:34,807 --> 01:21:37,350
He's an even bigger asswipe
than I thought.
1239
01:21:37,518 --> 01:21:39,561
If that's possible.
1240
01:21:44,608 --> 01:21:47,902
Oh man.
I'm gonna gold frame this one.
1241
01:21:53,784 --> 01:21:55,868
What is this?
1242
01:21:56,036 --> 01:21:58,121
It's 5000.
1243
01:21:58,289 --> 01:22:00,206
For you.
1244
01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:03,334
Holy Christ.
1245
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:07,213
What do I got to do?
1246
01:22:07,381 --> 01:22:09,215
Nothing.
1247
01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:12,969
It's for Oregon.
1248
01:22:13,971 --> 01:22:16,889
You, me, Kayla.
1249
01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:28,526
What?
1250
01:22:28,694 --> 01:22:31,696
I really need the money but...
1251
01:22:36,243 --> 01:22:37,660
We can't.
1252
01:22:37,828 --> 01:22:39,704
Well, I...
1253
01:22:39,872 --> 01:22:42,540
I could go to school,
work part time.
1254
01:22:42,708 --> 01:22:44,584
You could, I don't know,
1255
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,836
start a business or something.
1256
01:22:47,004 --> 01:22:48,755
Oh, come on.
1257
01:22:48,922 --> 01:22:51,341
I need some old fart
who's got a good job
1258
01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:53,885
and wants to settle down.
I got a kid.
1259
01:22:55,012 --> 01:22:57,805
I mean, you're 17.
1260
01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:01,225
No guy your age
wants to be a father.
1261
01:23:01,393 --> 01:23:03,061
You need to do things.
1262
01:23:03,228 --> 01:23:05,104
You need to see the world.
1263
01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:09,692
You'd leave us high and dry.
1264
01:23:10,819 --> 01:23:13,446
Kayla's got one
half-ass dad already.
1265
01:23:13,614 --> 01:23:16,407
That's more than enough.
1266
01:23:16,575 --> 01:23:19,035
But...
1267
01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:22,789
this has been so great, right?
1268
01:23:22,956 --> 01:23:26,834
I've done more this week than
I've probably done my whole life.
1269
01:23:27,002 --> 01:23:29,212
I mean, you're incredible.
1270
01:23:29,380 --> 01:23:31,339
- Don't.
- I love...
1271
01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:33,174
Huh-uh.
1272
01:23:33,342 --> 01:23:35,843
You're only gonna make it worse.
1273
01:23:38,972 --> 01:23:40,932
Don't I get to decide
what I can say?
1274
01:23:41,100 --> 01:23:43,059
No. Not this time.
1275
01:23:43,227 --> 01:23:46,646
You're the baby.
I'm the grownup here.
1276
01:23:51,735 --> 01:23:53,695
Fuck you.
1277
01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:58,491
- Get up.
- No.
1278
01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:03,663
Get up.
1279
01:24:17,678 --> 01:24:19,303
Okay.
1280
01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:21,639
I'm gonna make this
nice and easy.
1281
01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:26,102
This is you
and this is me.
1282
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,189
Again.
1283
01:24:30,357 --> 01:24:32,275
You.
1284
01:24:32,443 --> 01:24:34,610
Me.
1285
01:24:37,030 --> 01:24:39,991
You need to go.
1286
01:24:41,326 --> 01:24:43,202
Go home.
1287
01:24:43,370 --> 01:24:47,623
Get a girlfriend your own age
and do something with your life.
1288
01:24:52,421 --> 01:24:54,922
But I sold the truck to help you.
1289
01:24:56,258 --> 01:24:58,509
You made me happy.
I want you to be happy.
1290
01:24:58,677 --> 01:25:00,344
You're Monica Velour.
I never even thought...
1291
01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:02,180
Shh.
1292
01:25:06,435 --> 01:25:08,102
Kiss me.
1293
01:25:27,080 --> 01:25:28,998
I've done it all.
1294
01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,668
But I think I like
kissing best.
1295
01:26:28,976 --> 01:26:32,395
Fuck you. Fuck you!
Fuck you!
1296
01:27:19,943 --> 01:27:22,236
(sighs)
1297
01:27:37,628 --> 01:27:40,212
(crying)
1298
01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:57,229
Work of art.
1299
01:28:34,685 --> 01:28:35,935
(Mexican music playing)
1300
01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:40,356
(men shouting, cheering)
1301
01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:20,896
Oh my God.
1302
01:29:21,064 --> 01:29:23,232
(moaning)
1303
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,319
Oh!
1304
01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:30,990
- You ever heard of a knock?
- Oh boy.
1305
01:29:31,158 --> 01:29:35,077
What are you doing
watching my videos?
1306
01:29:35,245 --> 01:29:37,163
Hey, it's my house, okay?
1307
01:29:37,330 --> 01:29:38,914
Goodbye, candypants.
1308
01:29:39,082 --> 01:29:41,333
Listen, I'll call you tomorrow
down the hall, all right?
1309
01:29:43,712 --> 01:29:47,131
Oh, Pop Pop.
Impressionable young mind here.
1310
01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:50,676
You could never be a doctor.
1311
01:29:50,844 --> 01:29:53,846
Damn, there goes
my lifelong career goal.
1312
01:29:54,014 --> 01:29:55,973
Pop Pop:
You could have wrote, you know.
1313
01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:58,059
You could have answered the phone.
1314
01:29:58,226 --> 01:30:00,770
- I was busy.
- Yeah, I see.
1315
01:30:00,937 --> 01:30:05,149
Yeah, while you were out proposing
to Miss October 1914,
1316
01:30:05,317 --> 01:30:07,651
I thought maybe I might
enjoy myself for a while.
1317
01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:09,445
How'd you know?
1318
01:30:09,613 --> 01:30:12,323
The kid told me.
What's his name? Neighbor's boy.
1319
01:30:16,203 --> 01:30:18,579
Are you okay?
Did you have a good time?
1320
01:30:18,747 --> 01:30:21,082
Did you get cash for the truck?
1321
01:30:21,249 --> 01:30:23,292
Yeah, I did.
1322
01:30:25,295 --> 01:30:27,505
Did you miss me?
1323
01:30:29,007 --> 01:30:30,883
What the hell do you think?
1324
01:30:31,051 --> 01:30:33,427
Who else have I got in my life
1325
01:30:33,595 --> 01:30:36,305
except for you,
you skinny little pain in the ass?
1326
01:30:36,473 --> 01:30:38,474
Kenny:
I knew you'd be back.
1327
01:30:41,561 --> 01:30:44,396
- (Kenny screams)
- Pop Pop, it's against the law.
1328
01:30:44,564 --> 01:30:45,523
Pop Pop:
All right, all right.
1329
01:30:45,690 --> 01:30:48,275
Maybe I should just hang out
with Tommy Komenski.
1330
01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:51,779
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.
Uh, he's sorry.
1331
01:30:51,947 --> 01:30:53,614
Just don't tell your parents, okay?
1332
01:30:53,782 --> 01:30:57,368
He's too old to do jail time.
What's up?
1333
01:30:57,536 --> 01:30:59,495
I tried to tell you on the phone.
1334
01:30:59,663 --> 01:31:01,831
Some girl came by.
She was looking for you.
1335
01:31:01,998 --> 01:31:04,083
She gave me this.
1336
01:31:19,182 --> 01:31:21,392
(gargling)
1337
01:31:24,354 --> 01:31:25,729
(cracks)
1338
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,285
- Tobe: Amanda?
- That's me.
1339
01:31:39,452 --> 01:31:42,413
Hey, it's Tobe from school.
1340
01:31:42,581 --> 01:31:44,957
I got your note.
What's up?
1341
01:31:45,125 --> 01:31:49,503
Amanda: Not much.
Just babysitting all summer.
1342
01:31:49,671 --> 01:31:52,298
Tobe:
So you like Russ Meyer?
1343
01:31:52,465 --> 01:31:55,843
Amanda: Totally.
"Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens"
1344
01:31:56,011 --> 01:32:00,973
is like "Our Town" on acid
and, like, Viagra.
1345
01:32:02,517 --> 01:32:05,978
I found your gift on the lawn.
Sorry my dad scared you away.
1346
01:32:06,146 --> 01:32:08,147
Tobe:
Oh yeah.
1347
01:32:08,315 --> 01:32:11,025
Amanda: Don't worry,
he scares everyone away.
1348
01:32:13,028 --> 01:32:14,528
So where were you?
1349
01:32:14,696 --> 01:32:16,739
Tobe:
I sold my truck
1350
01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:20,492
and wanted to drive around
and see the country.
1351
01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:22,494
Amanda:
Really?
1352
01:32:22,662 --> 01:32:25,456
Last time I stopped by, your friend
told me you were marrying a hooker.
1353
01:32:25,624 --> 01:32:28,125
Tobe: What?
No, no hookers. That's Kenny.
1354
01:32:28,293 --> 01:32:30,628
Kenny fell out of a Tilt-a-Whirl
when he was eight.
1355
01:32:30,795 --> 01:32:32,546
He hasn't been the same since.
1356
01:32:32,714 --> 01:32:36,592
I've seen him try to make phone calls
with a cable remote.
1357
01:32:36,760 --> 01:32:38,427
Amanda:
Good.
1358
01:32:38,595 --> 01:32:41,931
I don't go out
with married guys.
1359
01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:46,518
Tobe:
So we should hang out sometime.
1360
01:32:48,438 --> 01:32:50,564
Amanda:
I don't work weekends.
1361
01:33:02,410 --> 01:33:04,370
(camera clicks)
1362
01:33:45,453 --> 01:33:47,788
(instrumental music playing)
96031
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