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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,033 (CLICKING PEN RAPIDLY) . 2 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,167 I don't give shitty jobs. . 3 00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:39,901 If a good man comes to me . 4 00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:41,400 and says, "Thank you, David, . 5 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,934 "for the opportunity and continued support . 6 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,000 "in the work-related arena, . 7 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:48,000 "but I've done that, I want to better myself, I want to move on." . 8 00:00:48,067 --> 00:00:53,801 Then, I can make that dream come true to, AKA, for you. . 9 00:00:53,868 --> 00:00:56,734 The point is you talk the talk, but do not walk the walk, . 10 00:00:56,801 --> 00:01:00,400 vis-a-vis you've not yet passed your forklift driver's test. . 11 00:01:00,467 --> 00:01:02,434 The man who gives the jobs in the warehouse . 12 00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:05,634 is a personal friend of mine. All right? . 13 00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:07,834 I know you're the man for the job. (SNIFFS) . 14 00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:11,901 Sammy, you old slag. . 15 00:01:11,968 --> 00:01:13,968 It's the Brentmeister general. . 16 00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,601 Have you advertised the forklift driver's job? . 17 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:20,467 No? Good. Don't bother. I've got the man here. He's perfick. . 18 00:01:20,534 --> 00:01:22,300 Has he passed his forklift driver's test? . 19 00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:23,434 He gives the tests. . 20 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,801 Yeah, yeah. He's first-aid trained, yeah. . 21 00:01:30,534 --> 00:01:33,734 Yeah. We'll get a CV over to you this afternoon. . 22 00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:39,200 I'm seeing you Sunday, aren't I? For my sins. . 23 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,934 How is Elaine? She left you yet? . 24 00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,234 Yeah. . 25 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,567 All right. See you then. . 26 00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:48,868 She has left him. I forgot about that. . 27 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:52,801 (PHONE RINGS) . 28 00:01:52,868 --> 00:01:54,634 David Brent. . 29 00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:58,300 I've been in the business for 12 years. . 30 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:01,200 Been at Wernham Hogg as General Manager for eight of those. . 31 00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:03,400 So, putting together my team. . 32 00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:07,667 Lovely Dawn. . 33 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:11,634 Dawn Tinsley. Receptionist. Huh? . 34 00:02:11,701 --> 00:02:13,834 -Been with us for ages, haven't you? -Yeah. . 35 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:16,300 I'd say, uh, at one time or another, . 36 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:18,868 every bloke in the office has woken up at the crack of Dawn! (LAUGHS) . 37 00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,334 What? . 38 00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:25,000 Can I have the mail, please? . 39 00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:26,734 Yeah. . 40 00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:28,601 Just a fax. . 41 00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,567 Oh. . 42 00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:32,434 -Dawn, this is from Head Office. -I know. . 43 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,234 How many times have I told you? . 44 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,667 There's a special filing cabinet for things from Head Office. . 45 00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:38,000 -You haven't told me... -Called the wastepaper basket! . 46 00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,801 -Your face. -Ah. . 47 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,033 Can I get that back? . 48 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,834 People say I'm the best boss. . 49 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,100 They go, "Oh, we've never worked in a place like this before. . 50 00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:48,234 "You're such a laugh. You get the best out of us." And I go, . 51 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,434 you know, "C'est la vie. If that's true, excellent." . 52 00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:57,467 -Be, uh, be gentle with me today, Dawn. -Yeah. Why is that? . 53 00:02:57,534 --> 00:02:59,801 Oh, God, I had a skinful last night. . 54 00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:03,734 I was out with Finchy, Chris Finch. Had us on a pub crawl. . 55 00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:05,934 El vino did flow. . 56 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,868 I was blar...tered. . 57 00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:09,601 Bladdered. . 58 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,400 Blottoed. . 59 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:13,367 Oh, don't ever come out with me and Finchy. . 60 00:03:13,434 --> 00:03:15,100 -No, I won't. -Oh. . 61 00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:16,300 You got to go for it. . 62 00:03:16,367 --> 00:03:20,033 There's guys my age and they look 50. . 63 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,701 How old do you think I look? . 64 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:24,567 -Thirty-si... -Thirty, yeah. Yeah. . 65 00:03:24,634 --> 00:03:27,467 About that. But I'm going to have to slow down. . 66 00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:29,500 Drinking a bit too much. . 67 00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:32,100 If every single night of the week's too much. . 68 00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:34,033 (LAUGHS) And every lunchtime! . 69 00:03:39,601 --> 00:03:41,234 -How many have I had this week? -What? . 70 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,868 How many pints have I drunk this week, if you're counting? . 71 00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:45,400 -I'm not counting. -Aren't you? . 72 00:03:45,467 --> 00:03:48,000 Hmm, you seem to know a lot about my drinking. . 73 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,801 Does it offend you, huh? . 74 00:03:50,868 --> 00:03:54,367 You know, getting a little bit, little bit personal. . 75 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,667 Imagine if I started doing that with you. . 76 00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,434 I could look at you and come out with something really witty and biting like, . 77 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,868 "You're a bit..." (WHISPERS INAUDIBLY) . 78 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:06,367 But, I don't, because I'm a professional. . 79 00:04:06,434 --> 00:04:09,200 And professionalism is... . 80 00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:12,100 And that is what I want, okay? That's all. . 81 00:04:15,234 --> 00:04:16,400 That's a shame. . 82 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,667 -Wassup? -Don't do that! . 83 00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:32,334 Jesus! That wasn't funny before. . 84 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,601 All right. What is it, your time of the month? . 85 00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:38,667 Just the eight pints for me last night, then. . 86 00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:39,868 That's all. . 87 00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:41,767 Uh! . 88 00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:48,667 Oh, no. Oh, God. . 89 00:04:48,734 --> 00:04:53,133 "Boss and team leader in drunken night out shock horror," it says here. . 90 00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,500 It's not like I'm out again tonight with Oggy. . 91 00:04:58,567 --> 00:05:01,968 That'll be a quiet night in at the library. Not! . 92 00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,500 I don't think. . 93 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:08,601 Uh, I'm a sales rep, which means that my job . 94 00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,534 is to speak to clients on the phone . 95 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:14,300 about, uh, quantity and type of paper, . 96 00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:16,300 and whether we can supply it with them, . 97 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:19,701 and whether they can pay for it. . 98 00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:25,000 And I'm boring myself talking about it. It's just... . 99 00:05:27,033 --> 00:05:28,033 Wassup? . 100 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,601 Hey, wassup? I love that. . 101 00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:32,267 -Wassup? -Oh. . 102 00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:35,167 You're fired, Keenan. Drunkard. (LAUGHS) . 103 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:37,334 Hypocrite warning. . 104 00:05:38,901 --> 00:05:40,601 Oh, God. . 105 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,167 Oh, what's he been saying? . 106 00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:44,868 It's all true. Guilty as charged. . 107 00:05:44,934 --> 00:05:47,834 Oh, yeah, Went out with a few of his mates, didn't we? . 108 00:05:47,901 --> 00:05:50,567 And, uh, he goes, "Well, tag along if you want, . 109 00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:53,400 "but I must warn you, David, they do get a bit rowdy after a few pints." . 110 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,567 I went, "I'll see if I can stand it." Right? I was worse than them by the end! . 111 00:05:56,634 --> 00:05:58,200 (LAUGHS) . 112 00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:00,200 They're going, "Who's that nutter?" "That's my boss." . 113 00:06:00,267 --> 00:06:02,167 "We can't stand it any more, we're going." They just left, didn't they? . 114 00:06:02,234 --> 00:06:03,367 I told you. . 115 00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:06,968 Oh, God. Absolutely mental. Oh! . 116 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,667 Resolve! (LAUGHS) . 117 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,467 What? . 118 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,534 Nothing. . 119 00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:22,167 -See you later. -See you later. . 120 00:06:22,234 --> 00:06:23,400 Take care. . 121 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,367 Listen, would you mind giving Maintenance a call? . 122 00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:33,334 There's a nasty smell in the lift. . 123 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,500 DAVID: Head Office don't really interfere with me at all. . 124 00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,868 Uh, Jennifer might come down once a week. . 125 00:06:38,934 --> 00:06:42,901 Jennifer Taylor-Clark. We call her Camilla Parker-Bowles. . 126 00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:45,934 Not to her face. Well, I mean, not 'cause I'm scared of her. . 127 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,667 I got them off Nobby Burton who comes round with a suitcase. . 128 00:06:49,734 --> 00:06:51,868 "Two for a tenner." "Yes, please, four." . 129 00:06:51,934 --> 00:06:53,734 -So... -DAWN: Hmm. . 130 00:06:53,801 --> 00:06:57,934 Okay. Meeting with Jennifer Taylor-Clarke present. Mmm. . 131 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,601 -Right. -Shoot. . 132 00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,234 Was there anything that you wanted to add to the agenda? . 133 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,934 Did no get an agenda. . 134 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,567 -Sorry? -Did not get an agenda, no. . 135 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,133 I did fax you one this morning. . 136 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,267 Don't think we got a fax, did we, Dawn? . 137 00:07:09,334 --> 00:07:10,567 Yeah, we may have. . 138 00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:13,200 Then why isn't it in my hand? . 139 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:17,267 Because a company runs on efficiency of communication. . 140 00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:21,200 You, um, put it in the bin that was a special filing cabinet. . 141 00:07:21,267 --> 00:07:22,567 As a joke, yeah. . 142 00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:24,334 It's not even my joke, it's my brother's joke. . 143 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,167 It's meant to be with bills. Doesn't really work with faxes. . 144 00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:29,634 -Do you want to have a look at mine? -Yeah. . 145 00:07:29,701 --> 00:07:33,033 Yeah, sure, she'd say she's the boss, yeah, but... . 146 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:37,934 There should be no ego when you're pulling together . 147 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,701 to do something good. Yeah? . 148 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:43,367 It's like Comic Relief. . 149 00:07:43,434 --> 00:07:47,167 Yeah? I'm out here in Africa, . 150 00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,968 and I'm seeing the flies and the starvation. . 151 00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:51,067 And she, if she is the boss, . 152 00:07:51,133 --> 00:07:54,467 she's in the studio with, you know, Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry, . 153 00:07:54,534 --> 00:07:55,801 and they've got their suits on. They're doing their bit, . 154 00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:57,567 they're counting the money. Good luck to them. . 155 00:07:57,634 --> 00:08:00,934 But their hands are clean, while I'm down here in the office . 156 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,300 with little starving kids. . 157 00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:04,968 -Yeah. -Right (CLEARS THROAT). . 158 00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:07,968 Since the last meeting, Alan and the board have decided . 159 00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:10,767 that we can't justify a Swindon branch and a Slough branch. . 160 00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:13,267 -Oh! Okay, go on. -No, now listen, David. Don't panic. . 161 00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,167 DAVID: Should be good. This is it. Go on. . 162 00:08:15,234 --> 00:08:17,434 -There are alarm bells. -No, listen to me. No, don't panic. . 163 00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,634 -We haven't made any deci... -Don't panic? . 164 00:08:19,701 --> 00:08:21,367 -We haven't made any decisions yet. -Good. . 165 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,133 I've spoken to Neil in Swindon. . 166 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,267 -I've told him the same as you. -Yeah. . 167 00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:27,167 And it's up to either you or him . 168 00:08:27,234 --> 00:08:29,968 to convince me that your branch could incorporate the other. . 169 00:08:30,033 --> 00:08:32,734 -Okay. No problem. -This does, however, mean . 170 00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:34,300 that there are going to be redundancies. . 171 00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:37,500 Oh, you see? Did I no want to hear that, Jenny, . 172 00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:40,367 because redundancies are a tragedy, always. . 173 00:08:40,434 --> 00:08:43,000 I wouldn't wish that on Neil's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men... . 174 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,934 Or women. . 175 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,367 Present company excepted. Is Neil concerned about redundancies? . 176 00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,000 Well, he is. Of course, yes. . 177 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,100 Good. Because I'm very concerned about redundancies. . 178 00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,300 Although I understand if they're absolutely necessary, as a businessman. . 179 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,701 -Does he understand...? Go on. -David. . 180 00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:57,267 -Can we not talk about redundancies? -Well... . 181 00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:59,467 -What we have to decide... -We have to, sooner or later. . 182 00:08:59,534 --> 00:09:01,734 Yes, but at the moment, what we have to decide . 183 00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:06,067 is do you take on Swindon's people at this branch or the other way round? . 184 00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,133 Yeah, we'll take on theirs. . 185 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,334 -(LAUGHS) No. -No? . 186 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,601 -No. You and I don't decide. -Decide? . 187 00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,534 -I decide. -You do decide, but... . 188 00:09:12,601 --> 00:09:14,567 -Once you've made your case. -Based on factors. . 189 00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,167 Okay. Is there a time limit on... . 190 00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:18,734 -(PHONE RINGS) -Let it go onto answering machine. . 191 00:09:18,801 --> 00:09:20,467 DAVID: Hi, mate. Not around at the moment, . 192 00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:22,601 so please leave a massage. . 193 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,834 (BLEEP) . 194 00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:26,267 -All right, Dave, it's the Finch. -Chris Finch. Bloody good rep. . 195 00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:27,434 Hear you got a hangover, you big poof. . 196 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,500 Ah, that's derogatory. That's a shame. . 197 00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:31,968 You're in with that Jennifer what's-her-face, today, aren't you? . 198 00:09:32,033 --> 00:09:33,701 -Give her one for me, son. -Ah. . 199 00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:36,000 -Cheers, big ears. -Awful. Awful man. . 200 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:37,267 And stop looking up her skirt. . 201 00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:38,667 -David? -I wasn't. . 202 00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:40,500 Can we keep a lid on this for the time being? . 203 00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,968 I really don't want to worry people unduly. . 204 00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:46,634 No. Under this regime, Jenny, this will not leave the office. . 205 00:09:46,701 --> 00:09:49,200 So, what does redundancy actually mean? . 206 00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,367 So you'd just go, would you? . 207 00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:55,267 -Would you? -Well, I don't know. . 208 00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:57,767 Keith and Jamie, they're having these... . 209 00:09:57,834 --> 00:10:00,234 -I know. They're all going mad. -...clandestine little chats, . 210 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,400 I actually don't give a monkey's. . 211 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,534 "Oh God, we're gonna be out of work." . 212 00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:03,701 -Do you? -I couldn't give a shit. . 213 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,834 This is Mr Brent. . 214 00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:18,334 -Guilty. -All right, hi. . 215 00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:21,667 Ricky Howard from the temping agency. . 216 00:10:21,734 --> 00:10:23,234 -Verna sent me down to start today. -Yeah. . 217 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,767 Temporary... . 218 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,167 Staff only. . 219 00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:28,868 -Ricky? -Yeah. . 220 00:10:28,934 --> 00:10:30,868 "Ricky!" (LAUGHS) . 221 00:10:31,133 --> 00:10:34,534 "Ricky. No, Ricky!" What was his girlfriend's name on EastEnders? . 222 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:38,033 -Bianca. -"Ricky! Leave it!" . 223 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,334 Did she tell you I was mad? . 224 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,701 Yeah, she said you had a nervous breakdown. . 225 00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:42,367 I haven't had a nervous breakdown, so... . 226 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,067 -No. That was a joke. -Yeah? . 227 00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:45,968 She said you were a really good laugh and, you know... . 228 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:48,701 -Wow. We all are, aren't we? -Sorry, tried to... . 229 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,968 Part of my job description, though, innit? . 230 00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,400 Unofficially. . 231 00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,834 Okay. Let's get you started. . 232 00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:55,067 -Okay. -Into the fray! . 233 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,234 All right. . 234 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,367 What upsets me about the job? Um... . 235 00:11:00,467 --> 00:11:03,667 Wasted talent, yeah? . 236 00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:05,868 People could come to me and they could go, . 237 00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:09,033 "Excuse me, David, but you've been in the business 12 years. . 238 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:12,334 "Can you just spare us a moment to tell us how to run a team, . 239 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,300 "how to keep them task-orientated as well as happy?" . 240 00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,000 But they don't. . 241 00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,567 That's the tragedy. . 242 00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:23,801 This is the, uh, Accounts Department. . 243 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,767 All right? . 244 00:11:27,667 --> 00:11:29,067 The number bods. . 245 00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:32,434 Do not be fooled by their job descriptions. . 246 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,868 They are absolutely mad, all of them. . 247 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,367 Especially that one. He's mental. . 248 00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,767 Not literally, obviously. That wouldn't work. . 249 00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:48,167 Last place you'd want someone like that is in Accounts. . 250 00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:51,367 -This is the recycling bin. -Right. . 251 00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:53,000 Obviously we get through a lot of paper. . 252 00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:55,000 -Mmm-hmm. -We make a lot! . 253 00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:56,801 -Actually, we sell it. -Yeah. . 254 00:11:56,868 --> 00:11:59,100 -It doesn't grow on trees! -(LAUGHS) . 255 00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,767 -You know... -Yeah, it is pulp, yeah. . 256 00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:03,601 Here. . 257 00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:06,534 Mr Davis, can I just call you back? Something's just come up. . 258 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,801 Two minutes. Thanks very much. Bye. . 259 00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,200 What are you doing? . 260 00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:12,000 -What? -Gareth, what are you doing? . 261 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,567 I'm just pushing this stuff off my desk. I can't concentrate. . 262 00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:16,334 -It wasn't on your desk. -It was, it was all overlapping. . 263 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,567 It's all coming over the edge here. . 264 00:12:18,634 --> 00:12:21,934 All right? One word, two syllables. Demarcation. All right? . 265 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,334 David Brent, I presume! . 266 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,934 That's just to cheer these lot up. . 267 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,767 Send them out to get the plants, the girls, . 268 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,634 it makes them a little bit happier. . 269 00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:35,300 'Cause they can sometimes get a little bit... . 270 00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:40,834 Uh, it's run out of batteries. . 271 00:12:40,901 --> 00:12:42,467 Do you want to get some batteries for Billy Bigmouth? . 272 00:12:42,534 --> 00:12:45,234 -Take it out of petty cash. -All right. . 273 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:48,701 Can't put a price on comedy. Uh... . 274 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:51,167 You're a twat, Gareth. You're a twat and a knob-end. . 275 00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:53,234 I'm still not listening, so it's not offending me. . 276 00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:54,734 TIM: Right. Okay. So you won't hear this. . 277 00:12:54,801 --> 00:12:57,667 (SINGSONG) You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock. . 278 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,734 You're a cock. . 279 00:12:59,801 --> 00:13:01,334 Here you are, look. . 280 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,567 This is the sort of work we're doing. . 281 00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:04,601 Cartoons. . 282 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,434 "Does my bum look big in these?" . 283 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,200 It's not sexist. That's the bloke saying it. . 284 00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:13,367 At last. So... . 285 00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,868 All for that. All for that in the workplace. . 286 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,734 Managed to scrape a first in the end. . 287 00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:29,968 You've met Tim, haven't you? . 288 00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:31,500 -How you doing? -All right. . 289 00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:35,434 Oh, careful. Watch this one. Gareth Keenan in the area! . 290 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,000 -Ricky, the new temp. -Introduce yourself. . 291 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,901 Gareth Keenan, Assistant Regional Manager. . 292 00:13:39,968 --> 00:13:42,767 Assistant to the Regional Manager. Gareth's my right-hand man. . 293 00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:46,033 Immediately beneath me, oh, as an actress said to a bishop! . 294 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,801 No, he's not. I'm not. . 295 00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,834 Tell him about your car and your kung fu and everything. . 296 00:13:50,901 --> 00:13:52,868 Yeah. I've got a TR3. . 297 00:13:52,934 --> 00:13:55,901 I bought it for 1,200, done it up, now it's worth three grand. . 298 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:59,367 -The profit on that's just under... -New suspension. New engine. . 299 00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:01,901 -Just a wreck. -I've got some photos. . 300 00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:03,334 Oh, what is that? . 301 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,200 -Whoa, whoa. -David. Right, that is it. . 302 00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:07,634 Slow down, you move too fast. Solomon's here. . 303 00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:09,367 All part of the job. What's going on? . 304 00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,901 He put my stapler inside a jelly again. . 305 00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:14,400 That's the third time he's done it. It wasn't even funny the first time. . 306 00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:15,834 Why has he done that? . 307 00:14:15,901 --> 00:14:18,133 I told him once that I don't like jelly. . 308 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,167 I don't trust the way it moves. . 309 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:23,300 You showed him a weakness, he pounced. You should know about that. . 310 00:14:23,367 --> 00:14:25,167 Uh. What is in here? . 311 00:14:25,234 --> 00:14:26,601 It's my stapler. . 312 00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,734 Well, don't do that! Eat it out. . 313 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:33,067 There's people starving in the world, which I hate. So... And it's a waste. . 314 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,500 How do you know it's yours? . 315 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,367 'Cause it's got my name on it in Tippex. . 316 00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:38,801 Yeah. Don't eat it now, then. Chemicals. . 317 00:14:38,868 --> 00:14:41,434 Right. You can be my witness. Give him an official warning. . 318 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:44,234 -How do you know it was me? -It's always you. . 319 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,934 -Mad here. -Can't you discipline him? . 320 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,634 Ooh, kinky! . 321 00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:48,834 (LAUGHS) . 322 00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:52,434 No. The thing about practical jokes, . 323 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,567 you've got to know when to stop as well as start, . 324 00:14:54,634 --> 00:14:57,467 and now's the time to stop putting Gareth's personal possessions in jelly. . 325 00:14:57,534 --> 00:14:59,801 Gareth, it's only a trifling matter. . 326 00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:01,367 (LAUGHS) . 327 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,234 Here we go. We're always like this. . 328 00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,968 You should both put him in custard-y! . 329 00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:08,000 He's going to fit in here. We're like Vic and Bob, aren't we? . 330 00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,567 And one extra one. Oh, God. . 331 00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:14,200 Yeah. I'm more worried really about damage to company property, that's all. . 332 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,367 Trifling. . 333 00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:23,133 I'm just trying to think of other desserts to do. . 334 00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:26,834 Yeah, it's all right here, . 335 00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:30,968 but people do sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. . 336 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:34,100 I like to have a laugh just as much as the next man, . 337 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,734 but this is a place of work. . 338 00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,767 I was in the Territorial Army for three years, . 339 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,334 and you can't muck about there. . 340 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,000 That's sort of one of the rules. . 341 00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:47,334 Hey, dude. . 342 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,567 -Give it back. -I'm just using it for a second. . 343 00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:51,801 It's got my name on it. Gareth. . 344 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,834 -It says "Garet", actually, but... -Ask if you want to borrow it. . 345 00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,367 You always say no, mate. What's the point? . 346 00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:58,200 Perhaps that's why you should ask. . 347 00:15:58,267 --> 00:15:59,567 Gareth, it was just there, okay? . 348 00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:02,567 Yeah? That's its home. Leave it there. . 349 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:04,701 Okay. . 350 00:16:04,767 --> 00:16:05,801 Okay. . 351 00:16:06,868 --> 00:16:09,367 Okay. . 352 00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:12,067 GARETH: Philip, get that off him! Get that off him! . 353 00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:15,334 I'm going to let this go unless you stop acting like a fool. . 354 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:19,000 -Well, you won't so... -Well, I have, so... . 355 00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:21,500 -What if that killed someone? -Oh, killed... . 356 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:24,834 Well, they'll think you're the murderer. It's got your name on it. . 357 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,968 Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon? . 358 00:16:27,033 --> 00:16:29,133 To stop people borrowing it. . 359 00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:32,634 David. . 360 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,667 I hate the fact you bring me down to this. I really do. . 361 00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:36,267 -I resent it. -I don't know why you're laughing. . 362 00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:38,033 Leave her out of it. . 363 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,834 You carry on. Listen, you bring me down to this, mate. . 364 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,734 -Heya. -Hello. . 365 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,400 What's that? . 366 00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,400 Popcorn. Ben Elton. . 367 00:16:51,467 --> 00:16:53,400 -Funny? -It's all right, yeah. . 368 00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,567 Had a bit of a scare earlier. . 369 00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,534 Did you? . 370 00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,400 I thought I found a lump. . 371 00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:07,567 I examine myself regularly but... It's fine. . 372 00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:09,300 Terrifying. . 373 00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:10,868 Testicular cancer. . 374 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,701 Cancer of them old testicles. . 375 00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:19,133 -What's that? -It's a bit of Brie. . 376 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,067 -What, from down there? -Mmm. . 377 00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:25,334 See you later. . 378 00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:33,534 I've just got a complaint from a very important client . 379 00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:37,834 saying that the figures I gave him are wrong and... . 380 00:17:37,901 --> 00:17:41,467 Yeah. Well, basically, I've checked all other possibilities . 381 00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:44,868 and it's come down to the calculator. . 382 00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:48,267 Well, I don't know. Circuitry? Sorry, who is this I'm talking to? . 383 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,133 Redundancies. Now, it is true or not? . 384 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,834 -Okay. -Last in, first out. First in, last out. . 385 00:17:52,901 --> 00:17:56,667 I don't know what source your little bird is from... . 386 00:17:56,734 --> 00:17:58,567 All right. You give me a sum, then. . 387 00:17:58,634 --> 00:18:03,100 No. You give me a sum, I'll try it out. All right? . 388 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,400 Yeah? . 389 00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:06,234 Plus... (TAPPING CALCULATOR) . 390 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,467 Fifty two...equals... . 391 00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:09,934 141. . 392 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,767 All right. That time it was correct. . 393 00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:14,500 -There's nothing... -Be straight with us. . 394 00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:17,300 I am. I'm going to be straight with you now. . 395 00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:19,100 I can't tell you at the moment. . 396 00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:22,534 I don't like acting like a kid, do you know what I mean? . 397 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:25,767 But it's the effect that he has. . 398 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,400 What are you doing? . 399 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:29,467 I don't actually want to have to look at you, Gareth. . 400 00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:31,367 -You can't do that. -Why not? . 401 00:18:31,434 --> 00:18:34,167 -Health and Safety. -Health and... (LAUGHS) . 402 00:18:34,234 --> 00:18:37,234 Why? Crushed by cardboard or what? . 403 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,234 No. Number one, blocking out light. . 404 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:43,000 Number two, misuse of company files. . 405 00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,934 Misuse of files? Right. . 406 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,868 This is why the whole redundancy thing doesn't bother me. . 407 00:18:48,133 --> 00:18:51,801 Because if I have to work with him for another day, . 408 00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:53,868 I will slit my throat. . 409 00:18:53,934 --> 00:18:55,968 You won't do it like that, though. . 410 00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:57,834 You get the knife in behind the windpipe, . 411 00:18:57,901 --> 00:18:59,634 pull it down like that. . 412 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,067 Or I could just apply for another job. . 413 00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:05,868 Careful. . 414 00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,534 Okay. Um... . 415 00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:15,901 Thanks for coming in. This'll take a minute. . 416 00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:19,601 Uh, right. I am aware of the rumours that have been circulating, . 417 00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,500 and I just want to take this opportunity to put the record straight. . 418 00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,801 I'm team leader! I should know first. . 419 00:19:24,868 --> 00:19:26,234 Yeah. I'm telling everyone now. . 420 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,534 Just tell me very quickly. Just whisper it to me. . 421 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:29,968 -MAN: Can't you just tell us? -(ALL CLAMOURING) . 422 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:31,567 Yeah. All right. . 423 00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:33,901 -Shall I tell them? -You don't know what it is. . 424 00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:37,067 All right. You tell them, then, with my permission. . 425 00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:38,701 I don't need your permission. . 426 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:41,200 Permission granted. Use it as you wish. . 427 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,434 Head Office . 428 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:48,868 have deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me, . 429 00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:52,400 and Jennifer is talking of either . 430 00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:55,167 downsizing the Swindon branch or this branch. . 431 00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:56,567 (ALL MUTTERING) . 432 00:19:56,634 --> 00:19:58,834 -And are you going to let her? -No, Malcolm. . 433 00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:00,234 'Cause you didn't see me in there with her. . 434 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,701 For his eyes only! . 435 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,534 I said, "If Head Office try and come here and interfere, . 436 00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:05,634 "they've got me to contend with." Okay? . 437 00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:07,067 "You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, . 438 00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:09,000 "but I'm the head of this family. . 439 00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:11,100 "You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does." . 440 00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:13,934 Yeah, but David, if they do downsize here... . 441 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,601 What? You think I'd let that happen? . 442 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,367 MALCOLM: It'd be out of your hands. . 443 00:20:17,434 --> 00:20:20,334 It won't be out of my hands, Malcolm, and that's a promise. . 444 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,767 MALCOLM: Can you promise that? . 445 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:23,167 On his mother's grave. . 446 00:20:23,234 --> 00:20:25,968 Well, I have promised it. . 447 00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:28,467 Okay? And it insults me that you have to ask. . 448 00:20:28,534 --> 00:20:31,701 -MALCOLM: It's just that... -Sorry, Malcolm, Dawn wants to speak. . 449 00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:33,200 Go on, Dawn. . 450 00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:35,367 It was just that I was in the meeting with Jennifer, . 451 00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:38,567 and she said that it could be this branch that gets the chop. . 452 00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:40,801 (ALL MURMURING) . 453 00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:43,701 Well, if you were in the meeting with Jennifer, . 454 00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:48,634 then maybe you should adhere to the ongoing confidentiality agreement . 455 00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:49,901 of meeting. . 456 00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,934 Yeah. Information is power. . 457 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,834 So you can't say for certain whether it's going to be us or them. . 458 00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:58,234 This is my ship and I've asked you to trust me, and you can't go wrong. . 459 00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,667 MALCOLM: It's not a question of trust. . 460 00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:01,000 It is a question of trust, Malcolm. . 461 00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:03,467 It is a question of trust. Do you trust me? . 462 00:21:03,534 --> 00:21:05,834 -Do you trust me? Yes or no? -Yes. I trust you. . 463 00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,367 He does. . 464 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:12,934 -So, meeting a-journed. Okay. -Good. Excellent. . 465 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,500 I'd have said much the same. In fact... . 466 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,601 Can I just ask? Do you trust me? . 467 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,667 -Hands up if you trust me. -You don't... . 468 00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,133 -Well, you asked them. -Put your hand down. . 469 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,934 No, I need to know. I'm Assistant Regional Manager. . 470 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,467 Assistant to the Regional Manager. They're gone. . 471 00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:30,334 I'm not worried for me. I'll be all right. . 472 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,267 But if there does have to be a cull, then so be it. . 473 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:36,400 I mean, that's just natural selection. . 474 00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:39,234 In the wild, some people wouldn't survive. . 475 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:43,234 I mean, imagine a warehouse . 476 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:46,767 where a little midget fella is driving a forklift. . 477 00:21:47,968 --> 00:21:49,968 He can't see over the top. . 478 00:21:50,033 --> 00:21:54,133 He's got great big platform shoes on so he can reach the pedals . 479 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,801 because he's got little legs. . 480 00:21:57,601 --> 00:22:00,367 Anton's a lovely bloke, don't get me wrong, . 481 00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:02,901 but should he be working here? . 482 00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:09,868 GARETH: Have you got a price for matte-coated SRA1? . 483 00:22:09,934 --> 00:22:13,467 If I can't see you, I can't hear you, Gareth. . 484 00:22:13,534 --> 00:22:16,701 -Just tell me, will you? -No. I can't hear you. . 485 00:22:16,767 --> 00:22:18,133 I'm right here. Just tell me now. . 486 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,434 If you want to speak to me, give me a ring, okay? . 487 00:22:27,133 --> 00:22:29,300 (PHONE RINGS) . 488 00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:31,601 -It's on voicemail. -Leave a message. . 489 00:22:34,801 --> 00:22:39,634 Hi. It's me, Gareth. I need a price on matte-coated... . 490 00:22:39,701 --> 00:22:40,868 This is stupid! . 491 00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:43,434 Yeah, it is... This is stupid. . 492 00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,868 It's so... Sorry, mate, what do you want? . 493 00:22:45,934 --> 00:22:49,434 Uh, I need a tonnage price on matte-coated SRA1. . 494 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:52,167 Because I've got 160 down here, but I'm sure that isn't right, . 495 00:22:52,234 --> 00:22:55,467 because when I spoke to Glynn earlier on, he... . 496 00:22:56,567 --> 00:22:58,901 Right. I know you're not there. . 497 00:22:58,968 --> 00:23:02,300 And obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself . 498 00:23:02,367 --> 00:23:04,434 because they're filming. . 499 00:23:10,067 --> 00:23:12,133 That feels nice, actually. . 500 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,267 -Do that bit with your nails. -Shh! . 501 00:23:18,234 --> 00:23:22,767 That's no different. You can't do anything with your hair at all! . 502 00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:25,133 Oh, no, trouble. Sanj. . 503 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,634 This is Sanj. This is Ricky. . 504 00:23:26,701 --> 00:23:28,801 -Hello, mate. -Nice to see you. . 505 00:23:28,868 --> 00:23:32,367 This guy does the best Ali G impersonation. . 506 00:23:32,434 --> 00:23:34,367 Aiiight! I can't. You do it. . 507 00:23:34,434 --> 00:23:35,767 -Go on. -I don't. . 508 00:23:35,834 --> 00:23:38,100 -You're thinking of someone else. -Oh! Sorry. . 509 00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:41,234 -No, it's not you, it's the other one. -The other what? . 510 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,167 -Um... -Paki? . 511 00:23:43,234 --> 00:23:44,434 Ah. . 512 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:46,400 That's racist. . 513 00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:53,634 No, I don't have a great many ethnic employees, that's true, . 514 00:23:53,701 --> 00:23:56,734 but it's not company policy... . 515 00:23:56,801 --> 00:24:00,934 I haven't got a sign on the door that says, "White people only." . 516 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,868 I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow... . 517 00:24:04,934 --> 00:24:08,334 Orientals make very good workers, for example. . 518 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,000 You like a drink at the end of a week? . 519 00:24:11,067 --> 00:24:12,901 Yep. . 520 00:24:12,968 --> 00:24:14,267 Well, this is why we're going out. So we can have a... . 521 00:24:14,334 --> 00:24:16,267 -When are you going out? -...end of the week drink. . 522 00:24:16,334 --> 00:24:18,868 -When are you going out, then? -Tonight, hopefully. I thought. . 523 00:24:18,934 --> 00:24:20,367 Uh, yeah. . 524 00:24:20,434 --> 00:24:22,267 -Hi, mate. -Hi, sweetheart. . 525 00:24:22,334 --> 00:24:24,834 -You ready, yeah? -Yeah. . 526 00:24:24,901 --> 00:24:26,968 Would you mind if I went out for a drink with this lot? . 527 00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:28,868 No, no, no. Come on, let's go home, yeah? . 528 00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:32,767 Okay. I'll be a couple of minutes because it's 20 past five. . 529 00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:34,200 You should come. It'll be a laugh. . 530 00:24:34,267 --> 00:24:35,567 No. I'd love to. You're all right. . 531 00:24:35,634 --> 00:24:37,534 -Seriously. We got to get off. -Okay. . 532 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,801 (TIM EXHALES) . 533 00:24:51,067 --> 00:24:52,234 Um... . 534 00:24:57,434 --> 00:24:59,767 -What's in the bag? -Just tell her I'll see her later, yeah? . 535 00:24:59,834 --> 00:25:02,167 Certainly will. All right, mate. Take care. . 536 00:25:07,334 --> 00:25:09,167 -Dreaded first day. -Yeah. . 537 00:25:09,234 --> 00:25:12,100 -You all right? -Yeah. I'm all right, yeah. . 538 00:25:12,167 --> 00:25:14,334 You've seen the vibe. Yeah? . 539 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,400 Chilled out. You know. . 540 00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:19,601 Oh, dear. . 541 00:25:19,667 --> 00:25:20,934 We work hard. . 542 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,067 I mean, we play hard. . 543 00:25:23,133 --> 00:25:24,934 Play hard when we should be working hard sometimes. . 544 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,400 Partly down to me, sure. . 545 00:25:27,467 --> 00:25:28,868 Um... . 546 00:25:29,133 --> 00:25:30,634 I let them get away with murder . 547 00:25:30,701 --> 00:25:32,167 and in return they let me get away with murder. . 548 00:25:32,234 --> 00:25:34,267 The girls love me. . 549 00:25:34,334 --> 00:25:36,901 Not in that way. . 550 00:25:36,968 --> 00:25:38,467 But, uh, you know... . 551 00:25:38,534 --> 00:25:42,167 I suppose I've created an atmosphere where I'm a friend first . 552 00:25:42,234 --> 00:25:43,667 and a boss second. . 553 00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,133 Probably an entertainer third. . 554 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,334 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -Hold on! . 555 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,400 Practical jokes, yeah? . 556 00:25:49,467 --> 00:25:50,834 -Right. Okay. -Right? . 557 00:25:50,901 --> 00:25:52,968 Practical joke. Don't give me away. . 558 00:25:55,467 --> 00:25:56,634 Come in. . 559 00:25:58,601 --> 00:26:00,868 DAVID: Ah! And then Head Office said... . 560 00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:02,400 Yeah. So, that'll be... . 561 00:26:02,467 --> 00:26:04,467 -Fax for you. -Thanks. . 562 00:26:04,534 --> 00:26:07,267 Don't go, Dawn. Can you pull up a chair? I was going to call you in anyway. . 563 00:26:07,334 --> 00:26:09,100 I need a quick word. . 564 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,934 -Um... -Hiya. . 565 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,200 As you are aware, there are going to be redundancies. . 566 00:26:18,267 --> 00:26:20,167 And you've made my life easier . 567 00:26:20,234 --> 00:26:22,901 inasmuch as I'm going to have to let you go first. . 568 00:26:22,968 --> 00:26:25,601 What? Why? . 569 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:26,801 Why? . 570 00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,868 Stealing. . 571 00:26:28,934 --> 00:26:30,067 Thieving. . 572 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:32,868 -Thieving? -Yeah. . 573 00:26:32,934 --> 00:26:34,367 Um... . 574 00:26:34,434 --> 00:26:37,167 Uh, what am I meant to have stolen? . 575 00:26:37,234 --> 00:26:38,601 DAVID: Post-it notes. . 576 00:26:38,667 --> 00:26:39,868 Post-it notes? . 577 00:26:41,467 --> 00:26:43,567 What are they worth, about 12p? . 578 00:26:43,634 --> 00:26:45,667 -Oh. Got your Bible on you, Ricky? -No. . 579 00:26:45,734 --> 00:26:47,601 "Thou shalt not steal unless it's only worth 12p." . 580 00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:51,601 You steal a thousand Post-it notes at 12p, you've made... . 581 00:26:51,667 --> 00:26:55,133 -a profit. -Why would I steal Post-it notes? . 582 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,834 To make the little things in the end of joints... . 583 00:26:57,901 --> 00:26:59,834 -Roaches. -Caught you, drug addict. . 584 00:26:59,901 --> 00:27:00,968 No, I'm just... . 585 00:27:01,033 --> 00:27:02,367 -Are you serious? -Yeah. . 586 00:27:03,634 --> 00:27:04,868 I can't... . 587 00:27:05,133 --> 00:27:07,367 God! . 588 00:27:07,434 --> 00:27:10,500 I've never stolen as much as a paper clip and you're firing me. . 589 00:27:10,567 --> 00:27:12,868 And the good news is I don't need to give you any severance pay . 590 00:27:12,934 --> 00:27:14,534 because it's gross misconduct. . 591 00:27:14,601 --> 00:27:16,367 So you can go straightaway. . 592 00:27:17,100 --> 00:27:18,334 (DAWN SOBBING) . 593 00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,133 Oh, now. . 594 00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:33,801 That was a joke there. . 595 00:27:37,234 --> 00:27:38,267 (DAWN SNIFFLING) . 596 00:27:48,901 --> 00:27:52,267 Good girl. It was a joke we were doing. . 597 00:27:52,334 --> 00:27:53,901 Well done. Settling in. . 598 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,334 Practical jokes for the good. . 599 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,500 "Thanks for these. Check them out." . 600 00:28:00,701 --> 00:28:02,300 Better do these now, actually. . 601 00:28:07,934 --> 00:28:09,367 You wanker. . 602 00:28:10,701 --> 00:28:12,133 Come on. . 603 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,434 You're such a sad little man. . 604 00:28:16,934 --> 00:28:18,167 Am I? . 605 00:28:21,467 --> 00:28:22,567 Didn't know that. . 606 00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:29,801 DAVID: What is the single most important thing for a company? . 607 00:28:29,868 --> 00:28:31,100 Is it the building? . 608 00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:32,801 Is it the stock? . 609 00:28:32,868 --> 00:28:34,234 Is it the turnover? . 610 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:40,734 It's the people. Investment in people. Yeah? . 611 00:28:40,801 --> 00:28:44,868 My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profit by 17% . 612 00:28:44,934 --> 00:28:48,667 or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. . 613 00:28:48,734 --> 00:28:51,200 There was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, . 614 00:28:51,267 --> 00:28:52,500 hardly spoke a word of English, . 615 00:28:52,567 --> 00:28:54,033 but he came to me and he went, . 616 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:57,567 "Mr Brent, will you be the godfather to my child?" . 617 00:28:57,634 --> 00:28:58,567 So... . 618 00:29:02,534 --> 00:29:04,167 Didn't happen in the end. We had to let him go. . 619 00:29:04,234 --> 00:29:05,734 He was rubbish. He was rubbish. . 48872

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