Original subtitles

We were unlucky.

No, we weren't. We blew it.

We've lost our edge.

Those guys haven't. After 25 years, they're a razor's sharp.

Holly Scotland, is it, girl?

No. All right. All right.

They were with a couple of lasses.

What do you mean, lasses, Percy?

Couldn't spate the break -ins tonight.

Just nicked another joker having a go at old Frasher Coward's place.

Hi, George.

Fantastic.

Bloody fantastic.

There's a light out there. It keeps flashing.

That's just one of the birds.

We've got a deal, then. Whoa, whoa.

I'm assuming the 1K you pitched was merely a ballpark figure. It's above the

going rate, and it'll be in cash.

Oh, come on, Jeremy.

You above all people should know about the laws of supply and demand.

There are plenty of other boats out there, you know. Their skippers might

few questions.

You show up here in a clapped -out banger with a dodgy -looking bloke in

a stash full of serious reddies looking for a discreet trip to the Irish

Republic.

Don't think you're in a buyer's market, old son. Let's not piss about it,

Donald. How much do you want?

A boat?

Hamish? Not forgetting they're keeping the nose out. Factor?

Shall we say two and a half K?

Two thousand, final order.

Done.

I can do it.

And make sure you're ready to leave in three hours.

It's all right, Mike.

Scheming little bitch. I knew I should never trust her.

You know what that girlfriend of yours has done? Sorry?

Krishna isn't back in Moscow because she never took that flight, which means

that she's still in the UK. What the hell's going on, Castor?

I don't know. I know nothing about it. Never, never trust the KGB. You get me

that slimeball boss of hers, Petrovsky on a scrambler.

And imagine what she's doing.

And believe me, sir, she never was my girlfriend.

Get up and move on. Give it a rest.

What have you got in there? What's going on? I'll post them in the village.

You might have to lend me a quill or two.

The nearest post office is ten miles away and we're late.

Look at that.

They do have post offices in Ireland.

Now, come on, get a move on.

I don't believe this.

Get him out of that box.

Maurice doesn't want to go to Ireland like that.

That's more like it, isn't it, Boris?

Has this man found us yet, ma 'am? Happy buggery.

Ma 'am.

I've thought about him lying about the orphanage.

I'd like you to carry on.

What are you expecting me to find?

I should have thought that was bloody obvious.

Find in.

Find out where the bugger's run off to.

Yes, but... But nothing.

There's two other kids besides her.

Maintenance and everything to be considered. Ma 'am, leave this to me.

all right for him, isn't it? Shacked up with this fancy woman.

He'll be laughing his chuffing socks off. Ma 'am, take out Sharon now and

be with you in a minute.

I'm telling Sandra, no results, no money.

I'm used to it.

I just meant, if you're just looking for grounds for divorce, to save you money,

you don't need me.

I thought I knew him.

An honest man.

Now all these lies.

I've got to find out why.

Incredible.

I haven't left Britain since the day we arrived.

Sandra and me went to the Isle of Man once.

Before the kids were born.

I'm turning back now, I suppose.

It's too bloody right.

You're an asshole, Richfield.

Not only do you get caught, but you break into the wrong goddamn house!

Jeremy Coward is squeaky clean, sir.

I'd kill to find out what those devious, double -dealing sons of bitches at MI5

know about that vicar.

No, no, no.

Wrong again, George.

Not the bloody vicar.

It's just a cranky liberal theory of each one of them.

They yank you on the right foot.

How do you mean, sir?

Pardon me. When talking out the top international banker, Jeremy Howard, in

fate of the Soviet economy, just thought a chap the Reds would be after.

Not some nut -cuddler -deating vicar.

Right on the money.

Now that it's out in the open, maybe we should, um, chat with the Brits. Sure.

But we got to keep faith.

I'll be goddamned if I make the first call.

Joe. Who?

Uh, yeah, just a sec.

Oh, well, you didn't call them.

They called you.

Yes, that's right.

Can you hear me?

Just a minute.

George, change.

George, change!

Come on, man, come on!

Here, Arthur.

Here. Here for me.

Well, Arthur, surely.

We made the first phone call.

I was Vladimir Zelensky.

Then I was Vladimir Zelensky pretending to be Albert Robinson.

Then I became Albert Robinson.

What am I now?

You're a pain in the arse. That's what you are now.

For God's sake, give her a ring when you're safely in Ireland.

Sorry, short detour. Mail drop.

The kind of money I'm shelling out, I don't expect to play postman Pat.

Well, the sooner they're dropped off, the sooner we're on our way.

They go up there in the shelter.

Funny they should get so many letters.

What do you mean?

Well, I haven't noticed any houses of you.

Christ, thank Donald. Stop pissing about.

Pray someone's wrecked the market, old chap.

You get back here.

What the hell are you talking about?

Don't look so miserable. Enjoy yourselves.

The weather's set.

Zdravstvuyte, Tavareshi.

How's doing, little one, though? You presume?

Do sit.

Look, I've had quite enough of this pantomime. I don't know who you are, but

do know that it's a serious criminal offence to kidnap British citizens. I

insist that you let me and Mr. Robinson go.

Zelensky, Vladimir Efimovich.

Oh, brilliant.

Come on, Sergei.

It's obvious she's KGB.

It's commendable that you have kept your cover up for so long, comrade.

But I am indeed Major Grushina, KGB.

Yes, Major, that seems in order.

And I'm delighted to meet you.

Latest decode from KGB Moscow.

Major Grishina has brought in Zelensky and Rublev.

Petrovsky apologizes for not keeping us informed.

But they felt the KGB had a better chance of picking them up without our

Yeah, pretty funny.

Oh.

She got them.

I knew she would.

Gerona Truller, Officer Colt of Scotland.

Heading for home.

Screw the KGB.

I want an urgent communicate to Moscow.

I'm going straight to the top.

I'm an orphan.

I was found as a baby after an air raid.

I never knew my parents.

Correct.

No family ties.

Well chosen for this mission.

I would like to be the clerk who's got to work out your back subsistence

allowance.

Is Andre Zorin still handling this mission?

I'm sure he'll be informed.

This is your most stupid joke.

Dan Watts got caught on the hook.

But now you got caught yourself.

This is a letter from my lawyer, in which it says that I filed for a

And that you need to urgently find yourself a lawyer.

And the sooner, the better.

I've arranged cover to get into the city bank where coward work. I thought we'd

go forward squad.

Inside a dealing and all that.

Good.

A division, greenhouse.

Cover.

Richfield.

Yes?

No. I'm afraid that won't be convenient.

It's here or nowhere.

We'll do what?

Yeah.

Goodbye.

What the hell's a Mexican standoff situation?

Not entirely sure, sir.

So bloody childish arguing about where to meet.

I'm certainly not toddling over to Grosvenor Square.

No,

I'm afraid I had very little time for sightseeing.

Though I got invited to the theatre.

Something called the New Egborn Play.

Have neither of you seen it?

No, I'm not a big theatre girl myself.

Me neither.

I have got some money in Les Miserables, though.

Really?

Not for personal gain.

What part of my cover, you understand?

You don't like the theatre.

Did you form any other interests?

Darts and football, I suppose.

I've got a season ticket for Man City.

Fascinating.

Neither of you seem remotely Soviet at all.

That was the idea, wasn't it?

Was it?

You tell me.

Comrades, wait a minute.

You are a pusillanimous little

shit. Please go away.

I could even have

you taken out of here and shot.

So.

He's not part of it.

Why did you go to such desperate measures to avoid us?

Well, I didn't know who you were.

Could have been anyone.

MI5?

CIA? Why should MI5 and the CIA suddenly be interested in you?

You haven't apparently done anything for 25 years.

Apart from making personal fortune, of course.

Hardly. Are you a practicing homosexual?

No, I'm bloody well not.

We've heard all about your special friend, Morris.

Morris is a sodding monkey, for Christ's sake.

That's Morris.

Why are you so attached to this toy?

It's got nothing to do with me. He belongs to one of Albert's bloody

Are you saying that Zelensky has children?

I don't know.

You better ask him.

Initial contact was supposed to be by shortwave radio.

Where is this radio?

I was forced to hide it.

By throwing it into a canal?

Yeah.

How long have you been married?

What's that got to do with it? It isn't a normal procedure for a Soviet KGB

agent to marry a foreign national.

I wasn't a normal agent.

It was part of my cover.

What are your wives' and children's names?

Look, they know nothing about it.

There's no need to involve them.

For God's sake, those kids are my flesh and blood.

You mean you lived all these years with your wife and she doesn't know who you

really are?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

The more I investigate, the more curious it becomes.

I can now find no record of Robinson having attended any school in the

More puzzling is the complete lack.

of any medical or dental records before 1966.

I have one more line of inquiry to follow.

It remains one of the most bizarre missing persons cases I've ever

I've been going through things looking for evidence.

You've no right, ma 'am. I have every right, and just as bloody well I did.

Look what I found stuffed in his best suit pocket.

Some tarts underwear.

Now do you believe me?

They're mine, ma 'am.

Eh?

He last wore that suit on our wedding anniversary.

Oh, well.

That's what you get up to. You've only yourself to blame if you've gone sex

We're definitely going in.

Murmansk. Possibly Archangel. Yeah, it can't be.

We haven't been going that long.

It's probably Leningrad.

Does it really matter?

Yeah, we are going in.

I hope.

What does that say?

Dundee?

Dundee.

Dundee, George.

He flew there this morning, sir. Why would Chekhov want to go to Dundee?

Why would anyone want to go to Dundee, for God's sake? It's not known, sir,

though he's well out of bounds.

Of course.

Blatant provocation.

Dundee?

Let's go straighten out this pinko.

Save this, stop that, no nukes.

These people are supposed to be our...

Seven million.

Seven million.

I can't make head or

tail of this. It's all just figures.

Of course it's just figures.

It's a bank, for God's sake.

These people live in an unreal world, George.

Listen to this.

Ramping the market.

Sticky Vicky.

Dead cat bounce.

Most peculiar.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting, gentlemen.

Barrington Cabot, I'm the senior executive.

It's a pity that we can't talk to Mr. Card in person.

Good heavens.

I don't believe it. Stinker Titchfield. My God.

Keep a cabot.

Do -do -do -do. Ma -ma -ma -ma.

Do -do -do -do. Ma -ma -ma -ma.

Come on, quick!

Alison, it's Jeremy. Look, I expect you got my message.

I'm really sorry about Canthic tonight.

It was very sweet of you to come cook supper the other night.

I'm most grateful you were there when I needed you.

My pleasure.

Tell me how you got involved in stopping the bypass, Dave.

Fighting the good fight, I suppose, against the bully boys of the DOT and

juggernauts. So, you've been mobilizing acts of civil disobedience, huh?

Well, Bampton and Marsh is hardly Romania, but I suppose you could put it

way. This is a hell of a nice piece of cake.

Dundee.

Dundee? Yes, and jolly good it is, too.

Lose yourself, girl.

Excuse me, I need to find the... John, as you guys would call it.

Up the stairs, first right on the landing.

Okay, Dave.

Let's cut the crap, huh?

We got you nailed.

This is a meeting between you and the head of Soviet Intelligence UK and a top

KGB major.

Now, maybe the Brits have been pussyfooting around with you.

But let me tell you, my friend, that is not the way Uncle Sam worked.

Get the picture, asshole.

Who are you, sir?

Cabot may be an American, but we were at school together.

If his car is clean, he's clean.

So, what do we do now?

We do what we always do when we haven't got a clue.

If in doubt, throw the buggers out.

Stop that.

You should see someone about your nerves, you know.

When we get to Siberia, they'd better stick you in solitary.

What do you think will happen?

I don't know.

I do know it's all your fault I'm in this jam in the first place. Don't start

again. Well, you got me into this.

You should never have contacted me, you selfish bastard.

Don't have a go at me.

It was your so -called friend who turned us in, you stupid, poppy -nosed

asshole. And over the hill came the seventh captain.

Hi.

I'm Victor Chekhov. No relation.

I'm head of the I .D. in the U .K. and the best goddamn chance you boys will

take a puke.

Ah, Dundee.

Impressive place.

Bit like Moscow, huh?

Okay, let's poke turkey.

to see you again.

Congratulations.

What are they like?

It must be amazing to meet them.

They are just ordinary people.

I don't think they are agents at all.

Oh, they were a long time ago, but now... One is in.

Typical capitalist, but reasonably charming.

The other, well, is a real pity.

What do you mean?

He's a simple working man, but he has a wife and children

who he loves.

We've broken all the top.

And you'll probably never see them again.

I've been meaning to ask.

Are you married, Nina?

Divorced?

Twice.

You're not the only one who thinks I worked hard.

Now, this whole operation has cost an arm and a leg.

And in intelligence terms, it seems to me that you two loafers have come up

a big fat zero. They never contacted us.

Marco won't be too pleased.

If you're lucky, you could end up in the Lubienca.

A couple of clerks in the English department pushing pens until pension

If you're unlucky...

KGB hasn't changed that much.

What are you suggesting, then?

Now, I run an operation in the UK.

Soviet Union needs eyes and ears.

Moderate trade unionist.

Big shot in the city.

Could be useful.

Are you saying that we could stay here?

Well, what do you say?

Well,

I suppose you are happy now.

These are the orders.

Whether I like them or not is of no importance.

Roll up your sleeves.

I love you now.

I will always love you.

I hope one day you and the kids will get over this dreadful thing I've done to

you. Goodbye, my darling squidgy face.

Forgive me, Albert.

No, you're not dreaming.

You are here.

This can't still be real.

Unbelievable.

Welcome home.

Of course, they laughed at Alec Esigonis when he first designed it.

Your place or his?

Well, we might at least be comfortable.

We must be a real disappointment to you. I still don't understand exactly what

you expected us to achieve.

Seems preposterous now.

Back then, the analysis of Britain was that by the turn of the century, its

political system was in danger of collapse.

Declining industrial base.

Increasing divisions between rich and poor.

south and north, social unrest, etc.

Not that far -fetched.

Were we meant to help speed up this downfall?

No.

By the 60s, our nation had progressed from a feudal peasant society to a world

superpower. But it had been a hard, bitter road.

To hold the Soviet Union together, we needed strong external enemies.

So what was our mission, then?

To prevent chaos in England.

Believe it or not, my highest hope was for you to become General Secretary of

the TUC.

And the gay Governor of the Bank of England.

Good God, that's a bit of a tall order.

At any event, you were programmed to get to positions of some influence.

Not to destroy British society, but to keep it stable.

But I cocked it up.

Capitalism may well be doomed.

But it is our system that's falling apart first.

Pleasure to have you guys here.

I'm sure it is.

Shall we get on?

Okay.

As your operation is in terminal mode, I authorized and led direct company

action to eliminate the hostile threat.

Meaning what, precisely?

I had a word with the vicar.

I put the fear of God into that son of a bitch.

Really?

He won't step out of line again.

We punched a hole in Chekhov's network.

Hardly necessary now.

Say again?

While you boys were dealing with the monkey, we've taken

care of the organ grinder.

Meaning what, precisely?

I've been on to the home office. Chekhov and his team are to be expelled.

Activities incompatible, etc.

You can't do that. You haven't got a clue what the hell he's been up to. He's

going to get the bums rushed.

That's all that matters.

Come along, George.

Let's find the elevator.

Look, sir, what is going to happen to us?

Good question.

A lot of people in the directorate are very angry.

What are they saying?

They're furious at the sheer expense of getting you back.

And neither of you even attempted to make contact.

Will we be punished?

I don't know.

But what really gets them is that you've absolutely nothing to show for it.

What do you think they'll do?

Well, they put us on trial.

I'm trying to persuade them not to.

Quite by chance, you both have qualities our country now needs.

How do you mean exactly?

Oh, Vladimir, you have a wealth of experience in defusing industrial

kind of industrial strife we in the Soviet Union will increasingly face.

And as we move towards a market economy, Your financial expertise will be very

useful, Sergei.

No.

You're not on.

I've thought it all through.

I'm not Russian anymore.

I'm Albert George Robinson.

And I'm English.

I have a wife and three children.

And that's where I belong.

They aren't gonna let me go.

Might as well shoot me.

Because I shall spend every waking hour fighting to get home.

What about you?

I couldn't have put it more eloquently myself.

I understand how you feel.

But you are KGB officers.

You can never change that.

What you're speaking now is treason.

It's all in there.

You've been to a lot of trouble.

How much do I owe you? Forget it.

My mistress reckons I'm a great cop and a lousy businessman.

Look, love.

It's up to you if you owe me tonight.

Perhaps some things are best left, eh?

Comrade Zorin?

Sorry, Comrade.

I have the transcript of the debriefing you asked for.

Take it away.

It's of no interest.

But... But you asked for it in every detail.

Bastard!

Bastards!

What has happened?

I thought those days were over.

I don't understand, Andrei Ivanovich. Please explain.

Zelensky and Roblox refused to work for it. And who can blame them?

I said, let them go, send them back.

But no.

The more it changes, the more it's the same thing.

What a miserable god awful shit we all are.

Sorry, Jeremy.

I'm really, really sorry.

It's not your fault.

Had a good run.

Suppose he was always on the cards.

I'm really glad I got to know you.

And me, you.

You silly old bugger.

They can't do that.

Not even a trial?

They would not cooperate.

I was ordered to hand them over.

What could I do?

Instead of getting drunk last night, you could have tried to prevent it.

For God's sake!

These aren't the old days.

You could have screamed about it from the rooftops.

I need no lectures on protest.

I've just paid with 20 years of my life.

This is appalling.

I feel used and betrayed.

I should never have brought them in.

I'm resigning my commission.

No!

Don't do that!

Let's fight it from within.

Sorry.

But I'd rather sweep the sodding floor in McDonald's.

Would you like a newspaper?

Would you like a newspaper?

Of course, you must go home.

But getting you back won't be easy.

I organized a fake execution to kill off your Russian identity forever.

story if it caused you alarm.

It had to look authentic.

A quarter of a century ago, I set out to make you more English than England.

If you had wanted to come back, I would have failed.

In espionage terms, the mission achieved nothing.

No matter.

You have successfully crossed national and cultural barriers.

And in that very act, perhaps, there is hope.

Dosvidanya, comrade.

Or rather, here you go, chap.

Right.

We can't have you going home looking like that, can we, Moritz?

Hmm? What am I going to say to Sandra?

You'll think of something when you get home.

Go on.

There.

Right.

This is it, then?

Yes.

Look after yourself, Albert.

I've got some inside info on a mega development in Ukraine.

Hi, Serena. Coffee.

Black. No sugar.

Hi. Give me a bit on the IP.

All right.

What are you doing up there?

I booked a table for two at my favorite restaurant tonight.

Care to join me?

No.

No way, certainly not.

What time are you picking me up, you bastard?

She does. She does.

I can't explain.

But it's over.

And I'm home.

I love you.

It's up to you if you open it. I love you.

Perhaps some things are best left in.

To have got them secretly into England once was remarkable.

But twice, Henry, twice.

If you put them back to sleep, I'm certainly not going to wake them.

Work's over.

Let's get drunk.

It's over, George.

Better luck in your next visit.

Where am I going, sir?

Port Stanley.

Faultland Islands.

Goodbye.

I won't miss the weather and I won't miss the food. Where am I going?

Anchorage, Alaska.

Adios, amigo.

out of town, Igor.

The party's over.

Do you know where we must go sending us?

We'll reach Reykjavik, Iceland.

Holy shit.