Original subtitles

Here's the intro.

Let's begin.

Ready?

This world is purely my imagination.

I wasn't in this place at this moment,

and a moment like this may not have existed at all.

Even so,

this is without a doubt,

the scene or the moment I wanted to be a part of.

-Is this good? -Yeah.

-Bangs are good too? -Yeah, it's perfect.

-You're done. -Thanks.

How do you like it?

It looks good.

-Yeah, it looks good. -Hello.

Perfect. It's cute.

Thank you.

We'll be with you soon.

You're here for a haircut today?

You know,

every time I come here I always notice

that the color of the building across the street

is really cute.

Which building?

-Which way? -That way.

-You're right. -Right?

You're so good at noticing these things.

Hey,

have you ever thought that the light blue color of that building is cute?

-That building? -Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been thinking that ever since I started working here. It's so cute.

See?

-I'm the odd one out? -Yeah.

-Your customer is waiting. -Okay.

-Later. -Bye.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

It's freezing.

KAIGEN USHIO HATAKEYAMA

THE CRUSH OF A CRUSH

The other day,

I was looking back at a message I sent to someone I used to like.

I see.

I thought

it might give me ideas for the new novel I'm writing.

I was kind of organizing my thoughts.

I see.

Back when I wrote that message,

I was completely broken into pieces.

I didn't like him that much at first,

but by the end I had grown to like him a lot.

-You fell hard? -Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

And the words

I had written to him in the past

were so crazy,

and violent.

I became very scared.

I realized that I absolutely do not want

to fall in love with someone and lose myself ever again.

Do you want to read them?

What?

Can you please read them?

I don't think you should show those things to other people.

I wouldn't show it to other people.

Then you shouldn't show it to me either.

Yeah.

I guess so.

If sharing it with me

will make you feel a little better, then I'll look at it.

Yes, it'll help.

It'll help me feel better.

Then I'll read it.

-I can really read it? -Yeah.

"Mr. Ryosuke Tabata,

-I'm sorry for--" -You're going to read it out loud?

I said I was going to read it, didn't I?

Oh, you wanted me to read it silently?

Fine, just read it aloud.

That way I can reflect on it.

Sorry, I just assumed.

It's fine, just forget it.

Read it out loud.

Reading aloud is the only option now.

-All of a sudden? -Yes. The situation has changed.

-Then I'll read it. -Okay.

"Mr. Ryosuke Tabata,

I'm sorry for contacting you again."

"I know you won't reply."

"I also know that contacting you like this will only be a burden to you."

"But please forgive me

for sending you this message."

So clingy.

God, I sound so clingy.

"Sending you this message" sounds intense.

I should've just said, "messaging you," or "contacting you."

"But please forgive me for sending you this message."

"No matter how much you play around with others,

or how many people you sleep with,

I don't hold any of that against you."

"Not only do I not put it against you,

but I was also happy

that you told me things that you probably wouldn't be able

to tell anyone else."

"You treated me as someone special,

and you said our relationship would be purely platonic."

"You told me, 'Once we sleep together, our relationship will be over.'"

"'I only sleep with people I'm willing

to end relationships with.'"

"I was happy to be that kind of an existence

for the person I loved."

"But you kept meeting new people,

and some of them were married

or had boyfriends."

"For you, those people were more convenient

because they wouldn't expect a serious relationship."

"You kept telling me about the latest person

you kissed or slept with."

"How can I explain this?"

"At some point, I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Rather than always being connected with you,

and being your confidante,

I want to touch you, even if it means that I might lose you."

"Even if our relationship ends

by sleeping together and getting physical,

I started to find that situation more enviable."

"In the end,

I wonder what my existence meant to you?"

"If it was something as simple

as me not having any sexual allure, then I wish you had told me."

"My only value to you was that

I was someone you could talk to about anything, right?"

"If so, I wish you had told me your true feelings."

"I was never able to understand you,

and I always wanted to know."

"Was I necessary in your life?"

"Was there even a moment when I was necessary?"

"I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm condemning you."

"I now realize that a victim and an offender can coexist."

"Right now, I am clearly the offender."

I guess I was aware that I was the offender.

"Earlier,

I told you that I wanted to touch you too."

"But I'm not jealous of other people

for having a physical relationship with you."

-"Rather…" -Rather, I was jealous

of the time they got to spend with you before and after such physical activities.

When I heard that you had breakfast with someone,

it was more painful than hearing that you kissed that person.

When I heard that you went to a hotel, but didn't have sex and just chatted

until the morning,

I wanted to do that too.

I wanted to see your sleeping face.

If I could spend time with you like that, I wouldn't need eternity.

I've said a lot,

but I wish you well.

That's all I wish for right now.

I guess you're doing well.

After all, what wears you out the most is interacting with me.

So

if I don't contact you,

if I disappear from your life,

I'm sure your heart

will become calmer than ever.

A little before the warmth of spring arrives,

just before the dawn of this season…

Take care.

Ayana Tsuchida.

TWO YEARS AGO FEBRUARY 2024

I

just don't understand why you choose that type of relationship.

Why did you meet him again? You said you wouldn't see him again.

Did I say that?

Yes, you did. You said it was too painful.

I couldn't help it. He contacted me.

I see. So you go running to meet him when he contacts you, huh? What a joke.

Zero willpower.

What the hell?

It's only natural to be happy when you hear from someone you like.

So I went to go see him. Is that so bad?

No, it's not bad. But you're back in this situation again.

Yes, I am. So?

So, my ass.

What about you, Kotaro?

Why do you keep meeting up with me?

Huh? Why?

I'm always rude to you,

I also don't reply to all your messages,

and I only contact you when I'm drunk or bored,

so why do you meet up with me?

You have to get up early tomorrow, right?

You're busy chasing your career. So why did you come here?

I contacted you past 11:00 p.m. You missed the last train.

I came because I was worried about you.

Why are you worried about me?

Why are you worried about me when I'm not even your girlfriend?

It's because…

I like you.

Then you're the same as me. You came because you like me.

So how can you criticize me?

You were happy because I contacted you.

No matter what the reason, you knew you'd be able to see me.

So you understand my feelings, right? Don't you?

I understand.

I understand.

I know that I can't continue doing this to myself.

But I can't leave you alone. I want to see you.

It makes me happy when you rely on me.

Even though you called me here,

your mind right now is filled with that guy.

Right now,

this very moment may not seem like much to you.

But to me, it's an incredibly special time.

Even when it's this difficult and painful,

the time I get to spend with you is so special.

And I'm sure that this time I'm spending with you

will be something

that I think about over and over again.

I'll think of how cute your outfit was,

or how you were still cute even with messy hair.

Even if I message you tomorrow or the day after,

asking if you're okay, or if you feel better, you probably won't reply.

Because by then, I'll be of no use to you.

So

while I wait for you to contact me again,

I'll think back on this day.

Just like how you are thinking about him.

This is…

What is it?

This is…

Yeah?

It feels like I'm looking at myself. It's the worst.

What?

Why would you even say that?

Is this how pathetic I am too?

Hey! Stop that.

Why do we fall in love with people who don't love us back?

What do you like about me?

Um…

-Face. -Face?

So shallow. My face, huh?

Your face,

and your brain.

Brain?

Can't you say, "the way you think" or "your personality"?

Who are you? Dr. Lecter?

I've noticed something

ever since we worked together at the ramen shop.

Ayana,

you sometimes stare blankly into the distance, don't you?

You do that sometimes at the second-hand shop too.

You stare into space like this.

So I wanted to know

what was going on in your brain at times like that.

Your eyes were dead.

You're just dissing me now.

No, I'm not.

It really

made me curious.

What do you want to do?

What?

Want to stay the night? You can sleep on the couch.

No, I'll go. You can't sleep well with someone else here, right?

Yeah.

Thanks.

It's

no problem at all.

Money for the alcohol and your taxi ride. It might not be enough.

I don't want it.

Take it.

We're not going out, and I want us to be on equal footing.

I don't want you to be taking care of me.

I'll finish this and go.

Okay.

Hello?

Is it him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right now?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

You're going to see him now?

What did he say?

Hey!

Hey!

What is it? What's the matter?

-I'll go too. -What?

I'm going too.

Why are you coming? I don't want you to come.

I'll be nearby.

I'll kill time at a convenience store. Call me when you're done.

No, I won't. Go home, I'm serious. I'm not joking.

Please don't come.

Don't get involved.

I want to be involved.

What the heck are you saying?

I'm dead serious.

Don't come with me. Leave.

-Fine, I'll leave. -Yeah.

I'll leave, but…

-What? -Tell me what happened.

What? I'm not obligated to do that.

I'll talk, if I want to, and I won't talk, if I don't want to.

Okay, fine! Just do me one favor, and I'll leave right away!

What?

Kiss me.

What?

I want you to kiss me. Then I'll leave.

This is insane. What?

Are you saying that on purpose to make me hate you?

It's not like that at all.

There's no motive or tactics involved.

I'm just saying it out of pure desire.

Gross.

So creepy.

Yes, I'm Tsuchida. Thank you.

The reason I felt sad while watching Kotaro

was because

I had done exactly the same thing a while ago.

ONE MONTH AGO JANUARY 2024

I want you to kiss me.

No way.

Why?

You're asking why?

You kiss other people, don't you?

Sorry.

I'm saying crazy things. Sorry.

I'll take you to the station. Let's go.

Come on, let's go. Here.

Here.

I'll make sure to forget what you just said.

So let's hang out again. We won't make it awkward.

Okay?

Here.

-What is it? -Nothing.

What is it? Just say it.

What I liked most about you

was the fact that you never liked me.

Let's go.

Please stop at the next light.

Okay.

Hey.

It's kind of been a while.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For kind of harassing you with that long message.

Oh, it's all right.

Since I was the source of the problem.

Thanks.

Your message.

I read your message.

Yeah.

Reading your message made me realize

that you probably want to know everything

about me.

Huh?

I

feel like I've told you everything,

and I've relied on you so much.

But I don't think I've ever

talked about the most "core" part of myself.

-Core? -Yeah.

And I feel like I should tell you about it.

I want to hear it. If you'd let me.

Okay.

I

sleep around with different people, right?

But

I only do it because people want me.

I've never made the first move myself,

and honestly I don't really want to sleep with anyone.

I don't care for any of that.

I'm kind of sleeping around to avoid getting attached to a specific person.

And so that I don't attract anyone decent.

Objectively speaking, I'm not exactly a catch.

But you were a decent person.

And yet you became friends with me.

Oh by the way,

you didn't really like me

when we first met, right?

You thought I was pathetic, didn't you?

Yeah,

you're right.

That's what I thought at first.

I was also at a point where I was getting a bit tired

of being in a relationship with just one person.

I remember you said that.

And since I seemed like a player,

and didn't seem like someone who would fall for you,

and you didn't think you'd fall for me either, you sent me a DM, right?

That way it wouldn't be painful even if it didn't work out.

That's true. That's how it started.

But I changed, and it's my fault.

The truth is,

I actually

have someone that I like.

I've always liked

just this one person.

So

I don't think

I'll end up liking anyone for a while.

Can I

ask what kind of person

this is?

Yeah.

She

used to be an idol.

-Idol? -Yeah.

I've known her since before she became an idol.

Her name is Maiko.

How can I say this…?

We're childhood friends and we used to hang out a lot.

We lived really close by.

We were friends even before I became attracted to her.

Then during the summer vacation

of her third year of high school,

Maiko suddenly said that she wanted to become an idol.

She's a really active person.

She did track and field.

Even though she was completely tanned, she said she wanted to become an idol.

I thought it'd be impossible for her to start then.

But

she was serious.

She did a lot of research

and applied for auditions and things like that.

She got rejected a lot.

But she didn't give up and kept applying for about a year.

Yeah.

And then she finally got accepted.

And she became an idol.

She got more and more beautiful.

We couldn't see each other for a while.

When we met after a long time, it made me so nervous.

It became kind of awkward.

Yeah.

And then,

I realized that I liked her.

I started to see her as more than a friend.

And when I told her that, she was like, "Huh?" and got embarrassed.

That's understandable.

When someone you thought was a best friend confesses to you,

you panic and get embarrassed.

What happened after that?

You got rejected?

No, it was put on hold.

She's an idol after all.

She said she can't go out with me right now.

I see.

Because she's an idol.

Yeah.

She's really serious-minded.

And so she said that once she moves on,

and she's no longer an idol,

we can discuss it once again.

Until then, we decided to keep our relationship as it is.

Also, we decided not to meet up too often

since we don't want to raise suspicions.

Yeah…

And then

about five or six years after Maiko became an idol,

she said she had a favor to ask.

And

she gave me this.

-Ryosuke. -Yeah?

Here.

What is this?

I have a favor to ask.

A favor?

Yeah.

Okay, hold on.

What is it?

So…

I

wrote lyrics for a song.

Lyrics?

Yeah.

She asked me if I could

make the music for the lyrics that she wrote.

Those are the lyrics that she wrote.

If you look at it,

you'll see that the lyrics were written

for a member of the group who was graduating from their career

as an idol.

They are very pure

and very straightforward

words

that she wrote as an idol herself.

And…

I realized something while I was making the song.

What is it?

I think what these lyrics mean is,

"I'm sorry."

"I can't go out with you."

"I've fallen in love with someone else."

One time,

she asked me

if a lie

doesn't count as a lie if no one finds out that it's a lie.

I couldn't

give her a good answer.

I think

she was struggling a lot.

Because she couldn't tell me the truth.

The fact that she had found someone she loved,

and that it was a woman.

But how did you find out?

She didn't tell you that, right?

I knew because

you can tell who your crush likes just by looking at them.

Maiko.

Yeah? What is it?

Um…

The thing is…

I met someone that I like.

What?

I met someone that I like, and we're going out.

I see.

Is it okay to say

congratulations?

Yeah.

I thought

that was a really sweet, white lie.

I'm sure she didn't tell me the truth

for my sake.

So I thought it was so kind of her.

I know there are some things that are better left unsaid.

It's not like we always have to tell the whole truth.

I know that. I know that, but…

Do you know this person?

Yeah, of course.

It's her?

Yeah, that's Maiko.

You know she's currently working after coming out as a lesbian, right?

That's why I told you about it.

Oh.

But she has a partner she's working with right now, right?

But that's not the person she wrote the song for?

It's someone different.

I don't know the details either.

Here.

So…

I'm

going to tell you something because I think you'll understand.

I

don't think I'll ever fall in love with someone,

just because they love me.

Mutual love is a result,

and I don't think

I can force it to happen.

So,

until this love inside me

disappears

I'll be fine being alone.

Even if it lasts for the rest of my life.

So cute.

I wish

I could've gotten over him after this day,

but because he shared his secret with me,

Ryosuke became even more special to me,

and it took a while for me to get over him.

I experienced a lot of pain,

and I caused a lot of pain too.

It's proof that you loved him.

Even if you love someone, there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.

Is that right?

Anything that causes trouble to others is definitely not allowed.

Was that the meaning behind it?

Was that the reason why

you had me read this?

To tell me

that we should keep a healthy distance?

That wasn't my intention.

I see.

But

you're an important person to me,

so I don't want to lose you.

Same goes for me.

And I want to continue seeing you.

Yeah.

If I hadn't complicated the relationship,

and had remained good friends, we could have met again.

I don't want to lose anyone anymore

just because of falling in love with them.

Both my phone and Mr. Yamada's phone rang at the same time.

It was

a mass email from Ms. Tada.

The message

contained a string of slightly cold words.

It was

the news that Niko Kobayashi

had passed away.

THIS DRAMA IS FICTIONAL

Subtitle translation by: Lili Morita