Original subtitles

And turn the gray sky blue.

I can make it rain whenever I want it to.

Oh, I can build a castle, summer sea, long day of sand.

I can make a ship sail on dry land.

But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue.

Cause I can't get next to you. Can't get next to you, baby. Next to you. Can't

get next to you.

What is wrong with this country?

You pay good money for an expensive pair of pants and what happens?

One trip to the dry cleaners and you're the proud owner of an Armani dust rag.

And the pairs of pants and none of them fit.

Dry cleaners are killing the United States of America.

You know what amazes me?

Is you probably would have said all that whether I was here or not.

And here's another bizarre thought. Maybe.

Just maybe these pants don't fit because you're pregnant and you're starting to

show. Oh, please, Eldon. It's too early.

According to all the books I read, I'm not supposed to show for another month.

have it all planned.

Look, I even have it written down.

December 15th.

Start showing.

Well, I'm glad you didn't write it in ink because you're turning into one

monkey.

And may I add, that if things keep going at this pace...

Your butt's gonna need its own zip code.

That is not true. And why are you even looking there? I was curious. I didn't

know what it was at first.

Oh, God.

I was hoping nobody would notice. How could I be showing already?

It's because he's a boy.

He can't wait to get out here and wreck my car.

Looks like it's time for a trip to Betty's Big and Wide Shop.

I don't need any more clothes, Eldon. My closet's already packed with stuff I

never wear.

Why don't you take some of that stuff down to the new mission on 10th Street?

You know, they could use it with the holidays coming up and on.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Oh, God.

Thanksgiving's right around the corner.

So many wonderful memories.

Dad drop -kicking the butterball into the fireplace.

Mother going after Dad with the gravy ladle.

Every year, I hoped that for one day we could pull it together and have a

civilized meal, but it never happened.

Now that Mother's gone, I guess it never will.

Well, you're welcome to come with me on my annual pilgrimage.

Every Thanksgiving, I drive over to the Arlington Country Club, and I watch the

guys in their blue blazers and striped ties go in, and I give thanks that I'm

not them.

Sounds like fun, but I've decided not to tempt fate this year. I'm just going to

stay home and do nothing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to that closet and I'm not

out until I find something with an elastic weight.

Hi. I came by to donate some clothes. Is there somebody who could help me carry

in the rest of my boxes?

Well, I'm a little sore -handed today.

Why don't you give Ronald Reagan a call?

He's the reason I'm in this mess in the first place.

So if you're really... Hey, Murphy Brown.

You're Murphy Brown.

I'm Patrice Wilson. I run this place.

Hey, everybody.

Murphy Brown's gonna do a story on us. Oh,

actually, I just came by to drop off some clothes.

Oh. Yeah, but they're really nice clothes.

Hey,

it's okay. We can use all the clothes we can get.

We could also use a little media coverage.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I just did a story on the homeless who live in Lafayette

Park across from the White House. Oh, I see.

It wouldn't be good to do too many homeless stories. I mean, America might

it was really a problem.

I'll just explain that to all the people who come in here every day looking for

that 1 ,000 points of life buffet.

I'd just be invited to drop off some clothes, not be a guest on Firing Line.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I've been here since 5 a .m.

My entire breakfast staff was a no -show. It's what happens when you depend

volunteers. Listen, I have to be in a staff meeting in 20 minutes, but after

that, I'll look at my schedule, and when I've got some free time, I promise I'll

come in and help out.

How about Thanksgiving?

Gee, Thanksgiving.

That's a Thursday, right?

I am desperate here. My head volunteer burnt out last week, and I'm going to be

tied up in another mission. Now, you said you'd help out, and this would be a

damn good time to do it. Boy, you don't let up, do you? What'd you do before

this? Work as one of those perfume spritzers in a department store?

I need help coordinating the meal.

I mean, we've got to get people to donate food and money to cover this

And then we've got to get a whole staff to cook and to serve and to clean up.

Patrice, I already work an 80 -hour week. I don't know if I have time to do

this, much less do it well.

Yeah, all right, you're busy.

Everybody's busy.

I mean, all I'm trying to do here is make a nice Thanksgiving for people who

probably never had one.

I mean, everybody deserves that.

Even if it's once in their lives, right?

Right.

Well, listen, it was nice to meet you, and I hope you and your family have a

happy holiday.

Listen, I remembered I have a little free time coming up. Maybe I could help

coordinate the dinner. Oh, right.

You know, I had a feeling that even Murphy Brown had a soft spot in her. I

have one question.

Does coordinating this meal involve my actually operating a stove?

Because if it does, I really need the number of the nearest fire station. In

past, I found it comes in handy.

is officially ruined.

Will just called from New York. The book editor he was meeting with asked him to

stay in town and make some quick revisions.

Now I'm going to be all alone on a holiday when people should be with their

loved one.

Not eating alone like some loser.

Frank, you always eat alone.

You want to come over and have dinner at my place?

Well, thanks for the...

Lovely invitation, Corky, but it so happens I've got plans.

How about you, Miles? You want to come over and watch the Macy's parade?

Oh, God.

I hate the Macy's parade.

My parents took me to see it when I was seven.

That was the year the Popeye balloon snagged on a high -voltage pulse.

It was a nightmare.

Parents leaping out of the way as a wall of screaming kids stampeded up 34th

Street. It was like the Hindenburg in a sailor suit.

you guys.

Organizing this Thanksgiving dinner has really been a killer. Three more

volunteers just canceled on me. Listen to these lame excuses.

Fell downstairs, broke my arm. What? You can't serve single -handed?

Grandmother died. Yeah, like I killed her.

Those were my last volunteers the day before Thanksgiving, and I have to find

few generous, caring individuals to help me with this meal.

It wouldn't take many.

Three men. maybe four, but where, where could I find such people?

Any thoughts?

Come on, guys, I'm in trouble here. What do you say, Jim?

Murphy, I would love to help, but I have dinner at the Brinkley's tomorrow at

five. I'm making the Dial Family apple prune stuffing. I'm famous for it. But

you could still do that. I only need you from nine to two, and I'd be honored if

you made your famous stuffing for me.

Oh.

Well, I guess that could work.

All right, Murphy, count me in. Me too.

It'll be more fun than spending the day at Aunt Rivka's. She hasn't opened a

window since Eisenhower was president.

Frank, haven't heard anything from you. How about it? Oh, man, that's a huge

football day, Murph.

That's what you were going to do instead of having Thanksgiving dinner with me?

Watch football? I can't help it. I'm crazy about this woman who's a trainer

the Detroit Lions. I've got to watch the game because she promised to wave to me

from the sidelines.

Oh.

What a full and rewarding relationship, Frank.

Why don't you sit real close to the TV?

Then maybe you'll go blind and you won't see how pathetic you are.

I am not pathetic.

And I'll prove it. Murph, I'd be happy to help out. Thank you, Frank. Is it

if I bring my TV set? Sure.

I'll come too.

Because we have a system. And a system is easy to empty because... Frank, what

are you doing?

I'm looking for a good place to put my TV set. The reception is really bad in

here. Do you think they have a cable outlet?

Yeah, sure. It's right next to the hot tub. It's a mission, Frank. Come on, I

need you to get these roasting pans ready. I want everything ready to go

Miles gets here with the turkeys.

Jim, how's that stuffing coming?

Wonderfully. I was just standing here thinking of my Grammy dial. This was her

apple prune stuffing recipe.

Such a remarkable woman.

Proud, strong.

Of course, toward the end, she thought she was a rockette.

Well, the woman is gone, but her stuffing lives on. Now, the ingredients

asked me to get are right in one of these bags. Take a look.

What is this?

Garlic?

Pasta? Tomato paste? Cheese?

Oh, I brought that.

I'm going to make up a little manacotta, some escarole, then we'll grill up some

peppers and sausage. It goes great with the turkey.

Frank, that... That's not Thanksgiving. That's a street fair in Palermo.

Look at this. I got it out of the Betty Crocker cookbook. Betty Crocker, Frank.

Turkey, potatoes, cranberry.

Nowhere in this picture do you see cacciatore of any kind.

This is Thanksgiving, Frank. This is our goal.

Now, I want you to open 20 cans of cranberry sauce.

Oh, man.

I come all the way down here to cook and you want me to open cans?

That's a kid's job, the kind we used to give to my cousin Anthony, whose voice

didn't change till he was 30. Oh, for heaven's sake, Craig, can't we leave our

petty egos and emotional histrionics behind?

After all, what's important is not how it gets done, but that it gets done.

Thank you, Jim.

Jim, this water is boiling. What do you want me to do with it? Just let it boil

until I get the prunes ready to toss in. I didn't get any prunes.

I'm sorry?

that much, so I doubled the number of apples. It'll be just as good.

Oh, will it?

I'm relieved to hear that, Murphy. You know, it's a funny thing about this

hundred -year -old apple prune stuffing. It's always been made with prunes, but

I'm sure you know what you're doing, so then I guess we'll just have to call

this what? Apple apple stuffing?

Apple apple nut prune stuffing?

How about apple Grammy dial rolls over in a grave stuffing?

Well, Jim...

Let's just leave our petty egos behind. After all, it's not... Oh, shut up,

Frank. Don't you tell me... No fighting, no arguing, no bickering. That's

exactly how Thanksgiving was at my house, and it's not going to happen

Gobble,

gobble, gobble!

Morning, everyone!

Happy Turkey Day!

Well, that's more like it. Guess what, Murphy? I made ten pumpkin pies.

I got up at 4 a .m. to bake them. They were still a little warm, so I left them

right out there on the porch to cool.

And wait till you see this.

Pilgrim people!

Aren't they cute?

Toilet paper rolls and corn husks. The heads are radishes.

I brought a big box of supplies.

I thought maybe our guests might like to make some.

Corky, you're in charge of the dining room. We're going to take care of

everything in here.

Jim, how are we coming on the stuffing thing?

Jim? I'm not talking to you.

Where's Miles and the turkeys? He's late. I didn't want to worry anybody,

should have been here a half an hour ago. Why did you send Miles all the way

Virginia to pick up turkeys? You could have just sent them to the supermarket,

get a couple of those ones with the thermometers built in. I told you,

want free -range turkeys, pure and fresh from the farm.

Turkeys that lived a happy, carefree existence before the axe fell.

Hey, I need help. Open the door. Oh, good. He's here now.

spotlessly maintained BMW.

So why did you tell me they were alive?

How could you not know something like that?

You know what it's like driving while being pecked in the head by six turkeys?

Well, where's the rest of them?

Two got out my sunroof somewhere around the Capitol.

Last time I saw them, they were running up the Supreme Court steps.

The other two were out in the backseat consummating their marriage.

and clean them.

What am I, a kosher rabbi?

and why don't you take them out back and talk to them for a little while so

maybe they'll pick up a knife and kill themselves.

Oh, well, that is really nice holiday spirit, Jim.

All right, fine.

You guys want to eat the turkeys, but you don't want to do the dirty work.

a gutless bunch.

I'll take care of this.

Here, turkey, turkey.

can't do this.

Frank, go out and get some of those thermometer turkeys you were talking

Jim, finish your stuffing. Corky, start the salad. Miles, take your friends

outside. If we hurry, we can still get a meal on the table and have a memorable,

meaningful, and stress -free Thanksgiving.

Two o 'clock. Where the hell is Frank?

Jim, how's it going out there?

As compared to what? The Great Chicago Fire?

The Johnstown Flood?

Waterloo? Of course, there's a common thread that links all those disasters

together. They had no prunes either.

All right, all right. We can handle this. So we've got a dining room full of

people waiting for turkeys. All those turkeys are running loose at the parking

lot. That doesn't mean we have to throw in the towel. We can still do this. We

don't have to give up.

or did you run out of corn eyes?

Murphy, I've got every Thanksgiving song and poem I can think of. I even tried

to slip in an Arbor Day poem. I thought the foliage theme would carry it. But

they didn't buy it. They still keep asking when the food is coming.

Get back!

Frank,

where have you been?

I had to go to at least five different supermarkets and three different cash

machines. Where's your other shoe, Frank?

The birds cornered me in the parking lot.

I think they knew what I had in the bag.

I threw my shoe out to distract them. That was a brand new pair of Nikes.

Don't talk to me about bird damage, Frank. My car upholstery looks like a

Jackson Pollock painting.

We're back on track.

We're four hours late, but we're back on track. Corky, go back out there and hit

them with By the Shores and get Shigumi again.

afternoon, by about the third market, I decided to settle for any meat I could

find. But then, I lucked out at the health food store. Look.

Almost turkey.

Made completely from soy products.

Well, what can I say, Frank? You've saved the day. Imagine how thrilled

people will be when we serve them up a big heaping portion of almost turkey.

Why not? It's a perfect compliment to almost stuffing.

to regroup.

Okay, we've got teepee dinners, potatoes, gym stuffing, and Corky's

pies. As long as you top it off with pumpkin pie, it's still Thanksgiving,

right? I'll bring the pies in off the porch.

Okay, not bad. It's not what I had planned, but things look okay.

The important thing is we're not part of the problem. We're part of the

solution, right?

Yes, sir.

Where is everybody?

They just got up and left.

But first, they ate all the radishes.

his mission across town.

Hot turkey, no waiting.

Oh, man, this is unbelievable.

It's your fault, Murphy.

You never listen to anyone else. Always has to be your way. You never learn.

We went through all this for nothing?

There's no happy ending?

Oh, God, this is Popeye exploding all over again.

Well, there's nothing left to do but wrap up all this food and take it over

St. Cecilia's.

I'm sure they can use it with the overflow.

Murphy, are you coming?

No, I think I'll stay here and clean up.

Are you sure?

It's an awfully big mess.

I'll be okay.

Am I too late?

No, no, you're fine. Come on in.

Sometimes they don't let you eat if you come too late.

No, no, it's great.

Hi, I'm Murphy.

Have a seat. I'll get you a plate.

I hope this is okay.

I wanted it to be the perfect Thanksgiving dinner, but it didn't turn

way. I think it's some kind of brown family curse.

Here you go.

That's potatoes, cranberries, and... I have no idea.

Oh, egg rolls.

Would you like some coffee or milk?

Milk.

What do you want to eat?

I don't like to eat alone.

That's why I come here. There's always someone to eat with. Oh, sure, sure.

Mmm.

Mmm, good potato.

I like potato.

It is good.

Not as good as my mother's, but good.

Too much pepper.

My mother made the best potato.

People used to beg to come over our house for dinner just so they could get

of my mother's potatoes.

She always used to make a little extra just for me.

What made your mother's potatoes so special?

Oh, butter, cream, no pepper.

You leave the peel on and you mash it right in. Uh -huh.

She died this year, Easter time.

I'm sorry.

My mother died this year, too.

What's your name?

John Lloyd Barrows.

John.

John, how did you get here?

A lot of time, before they give you money on the street, people ask you how.

How?

No matter how, it doesn't stop you from being hungry.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

That's how.

Well, John Lloyd Barrows, I do understand that how.

You aren't eating nothing.

Good, huh?

Yeah.

Very good.

you