Original subtitles

- LAST SEASON ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

[applause] - BEAUTIFUL!

- VOOM-VOOM! SHA-BANG!

- [bleep]! [all screaming]

OH, [bleep]!

- YOLANDA, THIS IS KIM.

- HI, KIM, HOW ARE YOU?

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN LOVE RICH MEN.

STILL [bleep] YOUR HUSBAND FOR A CHANEL BAG.

DON'T YOU GUYS--CAN JUST DISCUSS LIKE NORMAL WOMEN?

- YOLANDA, DARLING...

NOBODY'S LISTENING TO YOU.

EVERY TIME MY PHONE RANG IN THE NIGHT,

I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA SAY,

"YOUR SISTER'S GONE."

- IT HAPPENED TO ME, KYLE.

- THAT'S A LIE! - I AM NOT LYING, BITCH!

- AND YOU KNOW WHAT? - YOU CALLED MY WIFE A BITCH?

- [bleep] YOU!

- YOU'RE A PIECE OF [bleep].

- I DON'T SIT AND PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING I'M NOT.

IF YOU'RE WORRIED I'M A LOOSE CANNON,

NO, I'M THE TRUTH CANNON.

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

- YOU DESERVE ALL OF THAT. - SHUT THE [bleep] UP!

- IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND THAT TURNS AROUND

AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M ON YOUR SIDE."

- AND I JUST SAID-- - SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

WHY AREN'T YOU MY FRIEND ANYMORE?

AND YOU'RE NOT THE SAME.

I KNOW, BUT IT'S CHANGED.

SO WHAT?

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS, THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,

THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK STORY,

ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD, MONEY DOESN'T TALK.

IT SWEARS.

- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO YOUNG, TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE, AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.

- ONE, TWO, THREE... [camera shutter clicking]

- BEAUTIFUL. - BEAUTIFUL.

SLOWLY. OOPS.

- COME IN CLOSE FOR A BEAUTY SHOT NOW.

- OH, OH, OH! - YEAH!

- [laughs]

- GIGI'S MODELING CAREER IS GOING INCREDIBLE.

SHE'S ESTABLISHING HER OWN BRAND AT THE AGE OF 18.

AND SHE'S WORKING. SHE'S MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.

- YEAH. - WOW.

YOUR BODY LOOKS AMAZING, GIGI.

- ALL RIGHT, READY? - THE HARD WORK PAID OFF, GIRL.

SHE GOT THE COVER OF SANTA BARBARA MAGAZINE.

SHE'S GOT THE FALL 2013 GUESS CAMPAIGN, WHICH IS AMAZING.

- THE BELT. - THE BELT, THE BELT--

LET'S FIX THE BELT A LITTLE.

SHE'S JUST LIKE MOMMY.

LOOK, SHE'S FIXING EVERYTHING HERSELF.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S AMAZING.

WHEN I LOOK AT GIGI, I'M JUST SO INCREDIBLY PROUD

BECAUSE ALL I SEE

IS JUST A MUCH, MUCH BETTER VERSION OF ME.

YOU'RE DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB, GIGI.

- THANKS. - AREN'T YOU PROUD?

SEE, IT'S HARD TO EXERCISE SIX DAYS A WEEK,

AND IT'S HARD TO NOT EAT ANY SUGAR,

AND IT'S HARD TO HAVE TO EAT SALAD EVERY DAY.

BUT NOW YOU SEE HOW IT PAYS OFF. - YEAH.

LIKE, WHEN I'M WORKING OUT, I'M LIKE,

"[bleep], I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE."

- YEAH. - BUT THEN--

- WHO WANTS TO BE A MODEL, RIGHT?

- BUT THEN WHEN I'M SHOOTING, I'M LIKE,

"I'LL DO ANOTHER 3 MILLION SIT-UPS IF YOU WANT."

- [laughs]

I FEEL JUST SO BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO GO

ON A PHOTO SHOOT WITH GIGI

BECAUSE THE PAST YEAR

HAS BEEN SUCH AN EXTRAORDINARY STRUGGLE FOR ME.

IT'S HARD TO CHANGE IN FRONT OF 20 PEOPLE.

OKAY. - NO, WE'RE GOOD.

- OW.

- DEALING WITH LYME DISEASE

WAS A HUGE LESSON FOR OUR ENTIRE FAMILY.

IT REALLY SHOWED ME WHO MY TRUE FRIENDS ARE.

AND BRANDI HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME, AND KYLE HASN'T.

[camera shutter clicking]

- I THINK WE GOT IT.

[all cheering] THAT WAS GORGEOUS. GREAT.

- THAT'S MY BABY.

- [laughs] - BEAUTIFUL.

- WHOOPS. WATCH YOUR HEAD. - THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHTY.

- YEAH, I KNOW YOU SAID

THE BOYS MAY RUN UP AND DOWN THIS.

- MY LITTLE ANGELS TERRORIZING SOMETHING?

- [laughs]

TA-DA!

- TA-DA. - WELCOME HOME.

- [laughs] MAYBE.

HOPEFULLY.

- I THINK YOU'RE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE

IF YOU DO THIS HOUSE-- I REALLY DO.

- BASICALLY I'M A WHITE VERSION OF THE JEFFERSONS,

AND I'M MOVING ON UP.

COUCH, MAYBE CHAIR OR LOVESEAT,

MAYBE SOMETHING SMALLER THAN WHAT I HAVE.

YOU KNOW HOW BIG MY--

- I THINK THAT'S NOT GONNA FIT HERE, YEAH.

- YEAH. I GAVE MY HOUSEKEEPER

ALMOST EVERYTHING I OWN, SO... - DID YOU?

- YEAH. - LET'S GET YOU SOME FURNITURE.

- WE JUST HAVE OUR BEDROOM SETS, AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.

SO I JUST--YOU KNOW, I WANT TO START FRESH.

I WANT TO START NEW. I WANT IT TO BE, LIKE, MY SPACE.

- THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR SPACE.

- I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE BEST-SELLING BOOK,

AND SO WE ARE LOOKING TO LEASE

A HOUSE THAT'S A LITTLE MORE FANCY.

THE PROBLEM IS, THERE'S ALL THESE WINDOWS,

AND I TEND TO WALK AROUND WITHOUT MY CLOTHES ON,

AS YOU KNOW.

SO THAT MIGHT HAVE TO STOP.

- WELL, I THINK YOU HAVE PRIVACY.

THERE'S NOBODY THAT LIVES ACROSS THE STREET, SO...

- BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE'S WALKING THEIR DOG?

- WELL, IF SOMEONE WALKS THEIR DOG, THEN...

- YES. - THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE

A GOOD MORNING, YEAH.

- I MET J.R. AT THE WHITE PARTY

AT KYLE'S HOUSE LAST YEAR.

MY BOYFRIEND'S HERE, BY THE WAY.

- OOH, WHAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?

- HE'S MY BOYFRIEND. - A REAL BOYFRIEND?

- HE'S GOT, LIKE, A SEXY GAP IN HIS TEETH

THAT I JUST WANT TO SUCK ON.

THERE WAS NO BATHROOM SEX,

AS EVERYONE THINKS.

SINCE THEN, YES, THERE'S BEEN LOTS OF SEX

IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT PLACES.

MAMA'S GOT A BOYFRIEND.

DEFINITELY BEATS BEING HOMELESS. - [laughs]

I WAS NEVER GONNA LET YOU BE HOMELESS.

YOU KNOW THAT.

- OH, THE KIDS AND I ARE GONNA MOVE INTO YOUR APARTMENT?

- [laughs] NO.

- WE ARGUE A LOT, AND THEN WE HAVE REALLY GOOD MAKEUP SEX.

AND THAT'S J.R.

IS THERE ANYONE ELSE THAT'S INTERESTED IN THIS HOUSE?

ARE THERE OTHER CONTENDERS?

- WELL, I WAS GONNA WAIT TILL THE END, BUT, YES.

YOU HAVE TODAY TO MAKE YOUR DECISION.

LISTEN, YOU DECIDE IF YOU WANT IT,

WHICH, HOPEFULLY, THE THINGS WE'VE SEEN--

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT, BUT IT'S UP TO YOU.

- I THINK I WANT IT. I THINK I NEED TO HAVE IT.

- COME ON. IT'S TIME.

YOU JUST GOT TO MAKE A DECISION

'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME ANYMORE.

[both laugh] - I KNOW.

WELL, WILL YOU GET IT FOR ME? - IF YOU WANT IT.

- I AM MAKING MY OWN MONEY NOW.

IT'S SO EMPOWERING, AND I JUST FEEL LIKE I DON'T NEED

AND I WILL NEVER HAVE A MAN PAY FOR THINGS FOR ME AGAIN.

- TELL ME YOU WANT IT, AND I'LL GO GET IT.

- GET IT.

DON'T [bleep] IT UP. - NICE.

- I STILL WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH A MAN,

BUT I DON'T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO GET YOU THIS HOUSE.

- YOU HAVE SOME WORK TO DO, MY FRIEND.

- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX--

WHOA.

- EASY NOW.

I'VE BEEN ASKED TO BE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.

I THINK, "WELL, THEY OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T SEEN ME DANCE."

IT'LL PROBABLY BE MORE LIKE "DANCING ON MY ASS."

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT THAT IN THERE?

- WHERE YOU GONNA HAVE THAT?

- OH, GOD, MY FAMILY ARE GONNA BE WATCHING.

I BEGGED DANCING WITH THE STARS FOR A GAY DANCE PARTNER.

IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER.

IF I'VE GOT TO WRAP MY LEGS AROUND SOMEBODY,

PLEASE, HELP ME, GOD, HE'S GAY.

AND THEN IN WALKS GLEB...

THIS STRAIGHT HUNK OF BURNING LOVE.

- SEXY, LIKE YOU ENJOY IT. - OH, SHUT UP.

- YEAH? - WELL--

- AND-- - OKAY.

- [moans] - STOP IT.

YOU'RE NOT MAKING NOISES WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE DANCING.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE, CLINICAL, OKAY?

SO DON'T DO ANY FUNNY NOISES. - READY?

- NO. NO FUNNY NOISES.

IT IS A LITTLE BIT STRANGE FOR ME,

BEING SO KIND OF, UM, PHYSICALLY ENTWINED

WITH SOMEBODY OTHER THAN MY HUSBAND.

BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING.

I'M GETTING USED TO IT REAL QUICK.

- MORE SEXY.

I HAVE TO ENJOY--I HAVE-- - [moans]

- YES! - [chuckles]

- DO IT AGAIN.

- [moans]

- OPEN YOUR ARMS.

WHOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

ONE, TWO.

BA, DA-DA.

ARCH. THAT'S MUCH MORE RELAXED.

- OH, YEAH, I FEEL REALLY RELAXED.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- COMING UP...

- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.

- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU DEAL WITH IT WITH HER.

- OKAY, WELL, JUST BEWARE. - [sighs]

- HONEY BUNNY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?

- I DIDN'T TELL YOU? - NO.

- I SLIPPED AND FELL ON DOG PEE ON MY MARBLE.

- OH. - [laughs]

- I KNOW--TORTURE.

BUSINESS IS GOING REALLY WELL,

BUT IT'S MUCH MORE WORK THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH RESPONSIBILITY THIS IS.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE A LITTLE FUN THING ON THE SIDE.

DID WE GET ANY OF THE NEW BOXES IN?

- YEAH, WE GOT A BIG ONE. - YES. HUGE.

- WE DID? - YES.

- IT SEEMS LIKE SO LONG AGO THAT WE CHOSE THIS STUFF...

AND THEN IT FINALLY GETS HERE. - NO, BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED.

- THAT'S WHY I THINK WE FORGET. - OH, MY GOD!

- OH, MY GOD. - ARE YOU DEAD? ARE YOU DEAD?

- DEAD. - DYING.

- DEAD. DYING. WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE?

THE CUSTOMER'S NOT GETTING ANY.

SOMETIMES I'LL BE IN THE STORE,

AND I FORGET THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME WEARING THESE?

- I LOVE IT. - I'M GONNA SCARE MAURICIO.

- ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD. [laughter]

- AND I'VE BEEN TRYING ON CLOTHES,

AND CUSTOMERS ARE GRABBING THE LAST SIZE THAT I WANT,

AND I'M LIKE, "HEY, THAT'S MY SIZE."

AND THEN I REALIZE, "OH, THAT'S RIGHT--

CUSTOMER FIRST."

- IS KYLE AVAILABLE AT ALL? - SURE.

- THERE'S SOMEONE HERE TO SEE ME?

- HI. - HI.

- I'M ALEX. - HI, ALEX.

- I'M WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.

- OH, HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. - WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND.

- WHO? - ANDY.

- WIEDERHORN? - ANDY WIEDERHORN.

- OH, YEAH, HE'S ONE OF OUR BEST FRIENDS.

- SO I TALKED TO ANDY, AND HE SAID,

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK KYLE IS A CHAMBER MEMBER YET."

- I'M NOT. AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?

- "YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE HER A VISIT." I THINK SO.

- I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT IT DOES.

- THE CHAMBER? - IS THAT SILLY?

I'M SO EMBARRASSED. - NO, IT'S NOT SILLY.

- COME SIT DOWN.

- CHAMBER OF COMMERCE IS--

THINK ABOUT IT AS A ONE-STOP RESOURCE FOR BUSINESSES.

- OKAY, I LIKE THAT.

- BUSINESSES DEVELOP SYNERGIES WITH EACH OTHER.

IF YOU CONNECTED WITH AN ART GALLERY...

YOU KNOW, YOU COULD PROVIDE AN INCREDIBLE SYNERGY

BETWEEN FASHION AND ART.

- DO WE VOTE ON THINGS? - YEAH.

THAT'S ONLY ONE THING THAT WE DO.

WE HAVE EVENTS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.

- I LOVE THAT. - AND SOMETHING ELSE--

I WOULD ASSUME YOU'RE AWARE

THAT BEVERLY HILLS IS CELEBRATING

ITS 100TH ANNIVERSARY NEXT YEAR.

- I AM AWARE OF THAT. - IT'S GONNA BE HUGE.

- I'M ACTUALLY BORN AND RAISED HERE, SO...

- OH, OKAY, COOL.

THE CHAMBER'S VERY INVOLVED IN THE CENTENNIAL.

SO ONE MORE THING-- FOR A BUSINESS TO GET INVOLVED

WITH THE CHAMBER, YOU KNOW, YOU FIND SOME EXTRA EXPOSURE

DURING THAT EXCITING TIME OF THE CENTENNIAL.

- OH, THAT'S AMAZING.

I'M A NEW STORE. I WANT TO SUCCEED.

SO IF JOINING THE BEVERLY HILLS CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

IS GONNA HELP ME SUCCEED, THEN I'M JOINING.

I MEAN, HELLO? I'VE GOT BILLS TO PAY.

- IF YOU ARE OPEN TO IT... - MM-HMM.

- WE COULD DO A LITTLE RECEPTION OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT.

ABSOLUTELY. - AWESOME.

- I COULD THROW A PARTY FOR, LIKE, 300 PEOPLE

IN 24 HOURS, SO... - I BET YOU CAN.

- AND, YOU KNOW, MORE CUSTOMERS MEANS MORE PINK JACKETS FOR ME.

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME IN.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

- OH, THAT MAN? HE WAS FROM THE BEVERLY HILLS

CHAMBER OF COMMERCE. - OKAY.

- AND HE'S TRYING TO GET ME TO JOIN.

SO NOW I TOLD HIM I WOULD DO A LITTLE COCKTAIL PARTY

TO MEET SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE,

WHICH WOULD BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS.

- YEAH, I'M GOOD WITH THAT. - OH, CHIC.

- MAYBE I'LL HAVE LISA-- ONE OF HER RESTAURANTS CATER IT.

- OKAY.

IS THAT A GOOD IDEA?

- WELL, IF I HAD HER--

YEAH, IT'S A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

SOMEONE HAS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE,

AND I KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA BE LISA.

I DON'T WANT TO KEEP MAKING THIS EFFORT

AND FEELING HURT BY YOU.

- YOU WANT IT TO BE THE SAME AS IT WAS.

BUT DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU KEEP SAYING THINGS?

"YOU'RE MANIPULATIVE. YOU HOLD A GRUDGE."

- I THINK IT'S A NICE WAY JUST TO SORT OF SAY,

"LET'S JUST PUT EVERYTHING BEHIND US AND MOVE FORWARD."

- I THINK YOU REACH OUT TO HER ENOUGH

AND A LOT.

- IT'S SO CUTE. - WOW.

I LOVE THE COLOR. - OH, THAT'S CUTE.

- HI. GOOD MORNING. HOW ARE YOU? - HI. HOW ARE YOU? MORNING.

HI. NICE TO SEE YOU. WELCOME. - YOLANDA.

- BRANDI. THANK YOU.

I GOT THE HOUSE, AND IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME

TO MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,

SO I'M GONNA GET IT TOGETHER WHIPPETY-SNIPPETY SNAP.

[chuckles]

- I THINK IN YOUR BEDROOM,

YOU GOT TO PUT YOUR NIGHTSTANDS A LITTLE HIGHER.

I THINK THE ONES YOU HAVE ARE A LITTLE LOW.

YOU SEE HOW GREAT THAT IS? - YEAH.

I GOT RID OF THE THINGS THAT WERE...

MY LIFE WITH EDDIE.

THE ONE THING I STILL DO HAVE IS MY STRIPPER POLE.

THAT WILL BE AT EVERY HOUSE FOREVER.

- HOW MUCH IS THIS? I LOVE THIS.

- THIS TAG ALWAYS FALLS OFF.

- OH, IT'S FREE. - IT'S FREE.

- YAY. - EXACTLY. FOR YOU, IT'S FREE.

- I MEAN, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL PIECE.

- HOW MUCH IS THIS?

- THE LEATHER, IT'S, UM...

$5,400.

- I'M MOVIN' ON UP,

BUT, I MEAN, CLEARLY...

I DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET

THAT YOLANDA OR LISA HAS, BECAUSE THEY'RE RICH.

- HELLO?

- HELLO.

IT'S YOUR CATERER.

- OH, HELLO. HI...

- GIVE ME THAT MUFFIN. - YOU TINY LITTLE THING, YOU.

YOU LOOK SO SMALL.

YOU'RE LIKE THE... - I LOOK SO SMALL?

- INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN. - OH, GOD.

IT'S THE DANCING. IT'S KILLING ME.

- SO SKINNY.

- GIVE ME THE MUFFIN.

HOW IS EVERYTHING? - THEY LOVE TO TRY TO ESCAPE.

- OH, MY GOD, SO BETWEEN THE DANCING AND THE BUSINESS,

I'M JUST FAILING AT EVERYTHING.

I'M A LOUSY MOTHER RIGHT NOW, A LOUSY WIFE, A LOUSY FRIEND.

I MEAN--JUST DON'T JUMP ON THAT "LOUSY FRIEND" THING.

- [laughs] - I SEE YOU GETTING EXCITED.

- I'VE ASKED LISA TO HAVE SUR CATER MY PARTY

BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO GET PAST OUR PROBLEMS.

- SUR'S KIND OF MORE ROCK AND ROLL.

I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF CASUAL,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE STAFF ARE LIKE.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT FORMAL.

IF YOU GOT A FORMAL DINNER PARTY--

- NO, IT'S NOT FORMAL. IT'S A COCKTAIL.

- ALL RIGHT, THIS HOT MESS COMING OVER HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? THEY'RE YOUNG. THEY'RE FUN.

THEY COME OVER IN THEIR LITTLE SHORT DRESSES.

- WELL, I LIKE FUN AND CUTE. - OKAY.

OKAY, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.

NO, IT'LL BE FINE.

- AS LONG AS--THEY KNOW HOW TO MIX DRINKS, RIGHT?

- WELL, CLEARLY THEY DO.

- [laughs] - THEY MIGHT DRINK THEM ALL.

- AS LONG AS THEY CAN MIX THE DRINKS AND SERVE THE FOOD

THAT YOUR PEOPLE PREPARE, THEN WE'RE FINE.

- THEY MIGHT END UP IN THE POOL. [laughs]

HOW MANY PEOPLE?

- MAX, 50.

40 TO 50.

- AND YOU'RE ON THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.

THAT IS THE FUNNIEST BLOODY THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

I'M NOT INVOLVED WITH THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

IN BEVERLY HILLS.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE THE TIME RIGHT NOW.

I JUST DON'T IMAGINE KYLE BEING INVOLVED

IN THE KIND OF BUREAUCRACY OF THE CITY,

BUT, OKAY, IF THEY NEED KYLE, I GUESS--

[chuckles]

I GUESS SHE'LL, UM, FILL A SPACE.

- HAVE YOU TALKED TO ANYBODY ELSE?

- YOLANDA--YEAH, I MEAN, I'VE SPOKEN TO HER.

- I HEAR SHE'S REALLY SICK STILL.

- NO, NO, SHE'S DOING MUCH BETTER.

- I MEAN, TO ME, HONESTLY,

I'VE NEVER HAD AN ISSUE WITH HER.

WE'VE GOTTEN ALONG. I'VE NEVER HAD AN ISSUE.

BUT TO ME, A LIE-- I CAN'T TOLERATE A LIE.

ONCE SOMEONE I KNOW IS A LIAR...

WHY DON'T YOU SAY WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT LISA IN PARIS?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- YOU SAID SHE'S FULL OF [bleep].

- OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.

- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR. - COME ON, COME ON.

- DID YOU GET THE INVITE FROM KYLE

FOR THE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY OF BEVERLY HILLS PARTY?

- I SAW THE INVITATION,

BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF-- I'M CONFUSED.

I MEAN, WHY WOULD I GO TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE

THAT JUST CALLED ME A LIAR?

I DO NOT LIE.

YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY BIGGEST FAULT IS THAT I'M TOO STRAIGHT,

AND I TOO MUCH SAY AS IT IS.

- WELL, DO IT FOR THE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY PARTY OF BEVERLY HILLS.

IT'S NOT ABOUT KYLE. IT'S ABOUT BEVERLY HILLS.

- HONEY, I'VE JUST-- I'VE BEEN SICK FOR NINE MONTHS.

I JUST--YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GETTING MY MOJO BACK.

DO I REALLY GO AND STAND AT SOMEBODY'S HOUSE FOR SOME PARTY

THAT DOESN'T HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS WITH ME?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST TO GO TO HER HOUSE.

I JUST NEED ACKNOWLEDGMENT IN ORDER TO MOVE ON,

AND KYLE SEEMS TO LIVE HER LIFE

BY SWEEPING EVERYTHING UNDER THE CARPET.

I'M EXPECTING A PHONE CALL FROM HER.

YOU KNOW, WOULD YOU SEND SOMEBODY AN INVITATION

AND NOT CALL AND SAY, "HEY, CAN WE MOVE BEYOND THIS?"

- WHEN I LOOK AT YOLANDA,

EVER WOULD I ASSOCIATE HER WITH BEING A LIAR?

NO. - RIGHT.

WELL, I DO...

BECAUSE I KNOW, AND SHE KNOWS.

THAT'S MY ISSUE WITH HER. I KNOW THE TRUTH.

- OKAY, WELL, THEN--

- I KNOW THE TRUTH, KIM KNOWS IT, AND YOLANDA KNOWS THE TRUTH.

- OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU DEAL WITH IT WITH HER.

- OKAY. WELL, JUST BEWARE.

- [sighs]

- IT JUST-- YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE--

- SO I'VE SEEN THE GOSSIP MAGAZINES.

I HAVE TO ASK YOU, BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING,

AND I WONDER IF THEY'RE JUST CONJURING UP BULL[bleep]--

"LISA ATTACKED ME LAST TIME." - [groans]

- THAT'S NOT YOU SAYING THAT, RIGHT?

- NO, NO. - 'CAUSE I DIDN'T ATTACK YOU.

I MEAN, I'D LIKE TO. [laughs]

- NO, NO, THIS IS ALWAYS WHAT HAPPENS.

AND I'M SO GLAD I HAD SO MANY PEOPLE SITTING THERE.

THEY SAID, "DID YOU FEEL ATTACKED?"

AND I SAID, "WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW, I DID.

I FELT ATTACKED, WELL, YEAH."

AND THEN IT COMES OUT, "KYLE SLAMS LISA."

- WELL, I KEEP SEEING IT, AND I DON'T KNOW.

- I KNOW. ME TOO, AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE OTHER RUMOR.

THERE'S A RUMOR ALL OVER THE PLACE THAT I'M PREGNANT.

- BUT THERE'S ALL THESE NASTY RUMORS ABOUT MAURICIO.

THERE'S ALL THIS--

YOU KNOW, AT WHAT POINT-- - IT'S TERRIBLE.

- WE CAN'T INVEST IN ANY OF THEM.

THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF GOSSIP IN THE TABLOIDS--

VICIOUS, NASTY STUFF, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

AND IT'S LIKE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.

I DON'T FEEL I CAN IGNORE IT WITH KYLE.

SO THE BEST THING TO DO, I FEEL, IS TO HIT IT HEAD-ON.

OH, HERE HE IS. - OH.

- WHAT'S UP?

- HE'S COME HOME TO IMPREGNATE YOU.

- HI, HONEY. - TO IMPREGNATE HER?

- YEAH, THERE ARE RUMORS OUT THERE THAT I'M PREGNANT.

- WELL, THERE'S SO MANY RUMORS, BUT WE JUST TALKED ABOUT THAT.

- THAT WAS ONE OF THE RUMORS. - YEAH.

ARE YOU TAKING PORTIA OUT TO LUNCH?

- I'M GONNA TAKE HER OUT TO LUNCH.

I'M GONNA TAKE HER TO RUN MY ERRANDS WITH ME.

- OKAY. - AND THEN I'M GONNA--

- THIS IS WHERE THE RUMOR COMES

THAT HE'S BEEN SEEN WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN.

[chuckles]

- WHY WOULD YOU JUST JOKE LIKE THAT?

THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF MY CHILD.

WILL YOU STOP THAT? I'M SERIOUS. - NO, RIGHT.

NO, BUT YOU'VE JUST GOT TO CONFRONT IT, AND IT'S DONE.

- NO, I DON'T LIKE THAT APPROACH.

I FEEL LIKE LISA IS NOT DONE PUNISHING ME.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE A GAME TO ME,

AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES WITH MY FRIENDS.

- COMING UP...

STOP, KINGSLEY.

WELL, KINGSLEY NEEDS SOME TRAINING.

[dog yelps]

[dog panting]

[dogs panting]

- WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH?

WHAT IS THAT? LET ME HAVE THAT.

KINGSLEY!

LET ME SEE THAT. WHAT IS THAT?

LET ME HAVE IT.

KINGSLEY!

SIT DOWN.

LET ME HAVE THAT TOY.

I HAVE HAD KINGSLEY ONE YEAR.

AND KINGSLEY...

WELL, KINGSLEY NEEDS SOME TRAINING.

COME--COME--

KINGSLEY!

IF I'M NOT PLAYING WITH HIM,

HE'LL GO GET ANYTHING OF MINE AND JUST START CHEWING ON IT.

YOU NEED TO GIVE ME THAT RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT NOW! DROP IT.

WHA--

KINGSLEY LOVES SHOES.

KINGSLEY LOVES MY CUSHIONS.

KINGSLEY LOVES MY SOFA.

KINGSLEY EATS EVERYTHING.

COME ON.

LET'S MAKE KIMBERLY'S BED...

SO IT'S PRETTY WHEN SHE COMES HOME.

THIS IS A GREAT TIME FOR ME.

KIMBERLY WILL BE GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL

AND TAKING HER NEW JOURNEY OFF TO COLLEGE.

SO I'M VERY EXCITED FOR HER.

WOOF!

THIS IS NOT YOURS.

OH, YOU ALREADY ATE A HOLE IN THIS?

AND YOU TOOK HIS EYES OFF.

KINGSLEY, WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?

MY KIDS ARE VENTURING OUT, AND I HAVE THIS NEW PUPPY NOW,

WHICH I MUST SAY HAS FILLED A HUGE VOID FOR ME.

NO, I'M GONNA MAKE THE BED.

STOP, KINGSLEY.

I STARTED WITH THE BASIC TRAINING OF KINGSLEY.

YOU TAKE THAT END. I'LL DO THIS END.

BUT HE'S GETTING BIGGER, AND HE'S BECOMING, LIKE...

[scoffs] A LOT.

NO!

KINGSLEY.

DUDE, I'M ALMOST DONE.

KINGSLEY, YOU WANT THE BALL?

KINGSLEY, LOOK.

FIVE MORE MINUTES.

OH!

OH, MY GOD.

KINGSLEY, THIS TIME, IT'S WAY UNDER THERE.

DON'T HURT ME.

AH!

LAST YEAR, WHEN I WAS RECOVERING FROM HAVING MY NOSE DONE,

HE GOT A LITTLE OVEREXCITED

AND BUMPED INTO IT AND RE-BROKE MY NOSE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT HIT IN THE FACE?

- I GOT HIT IN THE FACE.

- BY WHO? - MY DOG.

THERE'S JUST DAYS I JUST, LIKE, THINK...

"I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE THIS."

KINGSLEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WAIT, WA-- [laughs]

- PORTIA, CAN YOU PUT YOUR LITTLE CAR AWAY?

- NO. - EXCUSE ME.

MAYBE YOU WANT TO RETHINK THAT ANSWER.

CAN YOU PLEASE PUT YOUR CAR AWAY?

- OKAY. - THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD, I GOT TO CHANGE.

[girl shouts]

- I'VE SEEN BETTER. - MY HOUSE IS MUCH NICER.

- AH!

[smooches] GOOD TO SEE YOU. - GREAT TO SEE YOU.

- OOH, THAT LOOKS GOOD. - BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.

- WHAT IS THAT? - CHICKEN MEATBALLS.

IS THERE ANYWHERE WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE?

- NOT SUPPOSED TO BE? - IS THERE ANYWHERE--YEAH.

- OKAY, YEAH, AND, JAX, YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS.

- THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM. - [laughs]

EVEN IF I CAN'T NECESSARILY COUNT ON THE SUR STAFF,

I KNOW THAT THE FOOD WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD.

THAT'S NICE OF ME TO SAY...

CONSIDERING. [laughs]

I GET TO TEST NOW? - YOU DO.

- WHAT KIND OF PIZZA IS THAT?

- THIS IS GONNA BE A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK PIZZA--

CARAMELIZED ONIONS, FILET MIGNON,

YELLOW CHEDDAR-CHEESE SAUCE.

- UGH, GOD, I HOPE THEY BEHAVE THEMSELVES.

I MEAN, NOT OUR FRIENDS-- WELL, OUR FRIENDS TOO,

BUT OUR STAFF. - [laughs]

- I DON'T REALLY THINK OF KYLE AS A BUSINESSWOMAN.

CLEARLY, I THINK, SHE LOVES FASHION,

AND THAT'S WHY SHE GOT INTO OPENING THIS SHOP.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE'LL BRING

TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE-- I GUESS WE'LL SEE.

- [gasps] HELLO.

- ARE YOU ALL READY, THEN?

- WHY ARE YOU SO DRESSED UP? I SAID "JEANS."

- I DIDN'T GET THE MEMO. - JUST KIDDING.

I'M NOT CHANGED YET.

COME IN QUICKLY. HURRY.

- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? - I'M GONNA GO CHANGE RIGHT NOW.

- YOU LOOK BETTER THAN YOU NORMALLY DO.

- OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE SO NICE.

- AND SERIOUS.

- OKAY, I GOT TO GO CHANGE.

MAYBE YOU CAN GO KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR STAFF.

- OH, GOD, ARE THEY MISBEHAVING?

- NOT YET, BUT ONE DID SAY

HE WISHED HE BROUGHT HIS BATHING SUIT.

- HEY. HI. HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. AND YOU?

NICE TO SEE YOU. - GOOD.

- HONEY, I'M GONNA GO AND CHANGE.

- HEY, DARLING. HOW ARE YOU?

- HOW YOU DOING?

- OW, MOTHER[bleep]!

THAT'S, LIKE, THE MOST INTERESTING PART OF MY DAY.

- YOU NEED TO GET THIS MOVING.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT COCKTAILS HAVE YOU GOT?

- THERE'S, LIKE, A SUR COSMO,

AND THERE'S THE CUCUMBER MARTINI AND THEN THE MARGARITA.

- YOU HAVE THIS BULGE IN THE WAY.

- NO, DON'T SAY THAT EITHER.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. - JUST DON'T TALK.

AND I HAVE TWO DIFFERENT SHOES ON.

DON'T LET ME WALK OUT LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD. - [gasps]

- IF THAT MEANS I GET TO GO HOME,

I WILL ACTUALLY JUST CUT MY FINGER RIGHT NOW.

I'LL GET OVER IT. - LOOKING HOT, BABY.

- THANK YOU, HONEY. - I LOVE THAT.

- YOU DO? - I LOVE THAT DRESS.

- OH, THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN.

- OKAY, THERE'S ARIANA AND KRISTEN IN HERE

AND JAX AND TOM OUTSIDE.

- YEAH, AND KRISTEN SAID THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

- WHY? - SHE SAID NATHALIE TOLD HER

THAT SHE'S WORKING THE BAR WITH TOM.

AND I SAID, "WELL, LISA SAID YOU'RE NOT--

GIRLS INSIDE, GUYS OUTSIDE."

AND SHE SAID SHE'D RATHER GO BACK TO HER SHIFT AT SUR.

- WHO? KRISTEN DID? - I SAID, "THEN GO."

- YOU'RE WORKING THE BAR OUTSIDE.

- YOU NEED ME OUTSIDE? - YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT.

- NATHALIE SAID THAT TOM AND I COULD BE INSIDE.

I DON'T WANT TO BARTEND IT.

- WELL, WHY-- YOU DON'T WORK WITH TOM,

LIKE, BARTEND WITH TOM.

- YES, WE DO. - NO, NOT NOW, YOU DON'T.

NOT A COUPLE WORKING THE BAR TOGETHER.

- SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE ME INSIDE BY MYSELF AND JAX--

- NO, I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE WITH YOU.

- IT'S FINE. WHO CARES?

- UGH, EXACTLY.

- I CARE. THAT'S WHY. I CARE.

- I DON'T WANT TOM AND KRISTEN

WORKING TOGETHER ON THE SAME BAR.

THEY'RE ALWAYS BICKERING.

THEY HAVE A VERY KIND OF VOLATILE RELATIONSHIP,

AND I DON'T WANT IT TO RIPPLE OVER INTO KYLE'S PARTY.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR ATTITUDE.

GO BACK TO SUR.

JEEZ.

- SO AM I GONNA WALK HOME? - YEAH.

- WHATEVER.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO NATHALIE?

- KRISTEN, YOU'RE NOT GOING HOME.

- ARE YOU REALLY? - SHE TOLD ME TO LEAVE.

- I THOUGHT SHE WOULD ACTUALLY BEHAVE TONIGHT.

- I'M SO SICK OF THIS [bleep] BULL[bleep].

LIKE, IT'S PISSING ME OFF. - KRISTEN.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL HERE.

- YOU'RE BEING REALLY RUDE TO ME RIGHT NOW, THOUGH.

- NO, I'M NOT BEING RUDE. - I'M AN ADULT.

- I'M NOT RUDE TO YOU. - YOU ARE.

AND WHEN I SAY HELLO TO YOU OUT OF RESPECT

AND YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME-- - NO, NO, NO.

- I'M A 30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.

- BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS NOW, OKAY?

- I'M GONNA GO BACK TO WORK. I HAVE TO CUT FRUIT.

- OKAY.

- IT'S BULL[bleep].

- SHE IS SO RUDE, SO IMPULSIVE. - OF COURSE SHE IS.

- THIS IS A [bleep] JOKE.

- COMING UP...

- LOOK AT THE BACK.

ISN'T THAT HOT? - SO I CAN UNZIP IT?

JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?

- YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.

- OH, THAT'S OKAY. LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

- LISA! - [laughs]

- ♪♪ DO, DO, DO ♪♪

OKAY.

TONIGHT'S AN EXCITING NIGHT FOR ME

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M A BUSINESSWOMAN.

TO BE A MEMBER

OF THE BEVERLY HILLS CHAMBER OF COMMERCE NOW

AND OWNING THIS STORE IN BEVERLY HILLS

IS SOMETHING THAT'S NEW TO ME.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUST A MOM AND A WIFE,

AND NOW I'M A STORE OWNER.

- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU JUGGLE TWO RESTAURANTS AND--

- I USED TO HAVE 26.

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW MY LIFE.

WELL, LET ME GET MYSELF A DRINK. [laughter]

AND THIS IS WHY I DRINK.

- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU. THIS IS MY FRIEND MARK.

- HI. HOW ARE YOU? WE'VE MET BEFORE.

YEAH. NICE TO SEE YOU. NOW, YOU HAVE A--

- I HAVE A MAKEUP STUDIO ON BEDFORD,

SO I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.

- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT NEXT TO MY STORE.

- RIGHT.

- SO WHAT'S GOING ON? SO YOLANDA'S COMING?

- SHE'S COMING? - IS SHE COMING?

- WELL, I SENT THE EMAIL.

AND THEN I CALLED HER BECAUSE I FIGURED

SHE'S NOT GONNA FEEL COMFORTABLE JUST FROM AN EMAIL,

BECAUSE WE STILL HAVEN'T, LIKE, SPOKEN SINCE EVERYTHING, SO...

- YOU KNOW WHAT? LET IT GO.

I DON'T CARE, AND IF I DON'T CARE--

- YOU LET IT GO--THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

- NO, I DON'T CARE. WHY IS THAT FUNNY?

- I THINK THAT LISA IS A LITTLE INTIMIDATED BY YOLANDA.

AND I THINK THAT SHE JUST THINKS IT'S EASIER

TO PRETEND THAT SHE THINKS YOLANDA IS TELLING THE TRUTH.

- SO... OKAY.

NO, WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU IS IF IT'S ABOUT--

IF IT'S "SUPPOSEDLY" ABOUT WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT ME

AND I DON'T CARE, WHY NOT JUST LET IT GO?

- WELL, OBVIOUSLY, IT'S MORE THAN THAT BECAUSE SHE LIED.

- NO, BUT-- - YOU'RE SAYING, "LET IT GO,"

BUT YOU NEVER LET GO OF ANYTHING.

- I LET GO OF EVERYTHING.

- WELL, WITH ME, YOU DIDN'T LET GO.

SO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO LET GO?

- OH, PLEASE, WELL, WHY AM I EVEN HERE IF I DIDN'T LET IT GO?

- IT TAKES A LITTLE LONGER THAN JUST--BOOM.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

I INVITED HER. THAT WAS MY EFFORT I MADE.

- BUT SHE MAINTAINS THAT SHE NEVER SAID IT.

THAT'S WHY SHE'S UPSET.

- WELL, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL SHE SAID THAT.

IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE HER OVER ME,

WHEN I KNOW AND EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS...

- MAYBE IT GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION.

- LISTEN, I KNOW, KIM KNOWS, YOLANDA KNOWS, AND GOD KNOWS.

- I'VE HAD A HISTORY WITH HER AND HER FAMILY FOR YEARS.

- NO, YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY WITH HER FAMILY--

NOT REALLY WITH HER. - THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

- YOU'VE HAD A HISTORY WITH ME MORE THAN HER.

- MOHAMED IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.

- RIGHT, BUT NOT YOLANDA. - YEAH--NO.

NO, I SAID WITH HER AND HER FAMILY.

IT'S KYLE'S PERCEPTION THAT HER AND I ARE CLOSER,

BUT I DON'T THINK SHE'S HELPING MATTERS RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S TRYING TO GET ME TO CHOOSE SIDES.

THERE ARE NO SIDES.

- OKAY, THAT'S FINE. - THAT'S IT.

- IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT FOR YOURSELF TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER,

GO AHEAD--THAT'S FINE. - I AM FRIENDS WITH HER.

- SO NOW IT'S BETWEEN US. - OKAY.

- RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD. IT'S BETWEEN US.

- [sighs]

- IT FEELS LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME.

LISA KNOWS ME.

AND SHE KNOWS I'M NOT A LIAR.

- WE GIVE OUT AWARDS, ACTUALLY, TO DIFFERENT BUSINESSES

WITHIN BEVERLY HILLS OR PEOPLE WHO BELONG TO THE CHAMBER.

- WELL, IT'S THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED

TO BEVERLY HILLS, THAT BUSINESS.

- IT'S A BELL PEPPER ON CRISPY RICE.

- HEY, KIM.

- HI.

- HOW ARE YOU? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOREVER.

- FOR QUALITY CONTROL. - HI.

HOW ARE YOU? - OH, MY GOSH.

YOU LOOK GORGEOUS. - THANK YOU. SO DO YOU.

- THANK YOU. - YOU LOOK GOOD.

- HEY. OH, I LOVE YOUR DRESS.

- THANK YOU. I LOVE YOUR DRESS TOO.

- IT'S A KATHY HILTON DRESS.

- IT IS? I LOVE IT. IT'S GORGEOUS.

- THANK YOU.

- DO WE RING THE BELL, OR WE JUST WALK IN?

- HI. - HI.

- HOW ARE YOU? - HI. CARLTON GEBBIA.

- CARLTON? - YEAH.

- NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- HI, DAVID GEBBIA. - DAVID, NICE TO MEET YOU.

COME ON IN. - THANK YOU.

- ARE YOU WITH THE BEVERLY HILLS CHAMBER OF COMMERCE TOO?

- YES. STOCKCROSS. - OH, OKAY.

WELL, COME ON IN. SAY HI TO EVERYBODY.

NOW, I HAVE TO PUT IN MY DISCLAIMER

BECAUSE I'M EMBARRASSED.

MY ROOM IS NOT DONE YET, SO THE WOOD IS NOT STAINED, SO...

- WE'RE EASY.

- NO, I GET IT, THOUGH.

- OH, YOU'RE ENGLISH. - YEAH.

- OH, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL-- I LOVE YOUR ACCENT.

- I FIND BUSINESS COCKTAIL PARTIES RATHER BORING,

BUT I CERTAINLY HAVE MET SOME VERY INTERESTING PEOPLE.

- LISA, WE HAVE A SIMILAR ACCENT IN THE HOUSE.

THIS IS MY FRIEND LISA VANDERPUMP.

- HELLO. REALLY? - CARLTON.

- CARLTON AND HER HUSBAND, DAVID.

- WHERE ARE YOU FROM? - WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

- SOUTH LONDON, GREENWICH. - REALLY?

MAYBE TO AMERICANS WE SOUND THE SAME.

TO ME, IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

GREENWICH--WELL, I WAS BROUGHT UP IN DULWICH.

- ALL RIGHT. - IT'S NEAR.

- I WAS BORN IN GUERNSEY, THE CHANNEL ISLANDS.

- HER ACCENT'S NOT-- IT'S NOT THE SAME AS MINE.

- ANYWAY, I'LL WALK-- SHOW YOU OUTSIDE.

COME ON AND FOLLOW ME. COME ON OUTSIDE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- VERY GOOD TO MEET YOU. - BYE.

SHE SEEMS NICE.

- THAT'S MY LITTLE ONE. DO YOU GUYS HAVE KIDS?

- YEAH, THREE. - YEAH, WE HAVE THREE.

- OH, YOU DO? HOW OLD ARE THEY?

- WELL, DESTINY'S GONNA BE 11 IN JUNE, THEN MYSTERI'S 9,

AND THEN OUR SON'S GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.

- WAIT. OH, MY GOSH, YOU HAVE A LITTLE BABY.

- YEAH. - WHAT'S HIS NAME?

- CROSS. - I LOVE THOSE NAMES.

WHAT MADE YOU COME UP WITH THOSE NAMES?

- UH, DESTINY, BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST MET DAVID,

THAT WAS WHAT HE REPRESENTED TO ME.

- AW, THAT'S SO CUTE.

- AND MYSTERI-- WE MET A CAB DRIVER IN HAWAII.

[laughter] - NO, NO, IT'S TRUE.

- HIS DAUGHTER, YEAH. - AND THAT'S THE FATHER.

- EXACTLY, THAT'S THE FATHER. - I'M JOKING, JUST JOKING.

- YEAH, IT WAS A LONG NIGHT. YEAH, YEAH.

- MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS THE HICCUPS FROM SPICY FOOD.

- [laughs] IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE I--

- WHERE IS YOUR WIFE? SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT?

- NO, NO, NO, NO. SHE--SHE'S JAZZERCISING.

- NICE. - OH.

- THAT'S FUN. - [laughs]

- THIS IS THE LAST PLACE I WANT TO BE TONIGHT,

BUT I SAID IF KYLE WOULD CALL ME, I WOULD GO.

SO I KEPT MY PART OF THE DEAL.

- HELLO. GOOD TO SEE YOU. - LOOK AT YOU.

HOW ARE YOU, LOVE? - I LIKE THIS DRESS.

WHOSE IS THIS? - VICTORIA BECKHAM.

LOOK AT THE BACK. ISN'T THAT HOT?

- I LIKE IT. SO I CAN UNZIP IT?

JUST DO IT LIKE THIS?

- YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.

- OH, THAT'S OKAY. LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

- LISA! - [laughs]

- HER KIDS' NAMES ARE DESTINY, MYSTERI, AND CROSS.

- OH, I LOVE IT. - AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL NAMES?

- OH, WOW.

- WE'RE GOING TO SOCIALIZE. THANK YOU.

WHERE ARE THE, UH...

- HAVE YOU SAID HELLO TO KYLE OR NOT?

- NO, WE JUST WALKED IN. - OKAY. ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

- YEAH, WAIT. - YEAH, WAIT.

- IT'S A 5,000-SQUARE-FOOT CLOSET,

WHICH IS NOT SAYING MUCH IN BEVERLY HILLS,

'CAUSE EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE ONE LIKE THAT.

- YOU NEVER KNOW IN THIS GROUP

WHEN YOU'RE GONNA NEED SOME BRASS KNUCKLES.

- OH, LORD. HERE COMES...

- [laughs] WHAT?

- [sighs]

- HI, KIMMY! - I GOT TO SAY HI REALLY QUICK.

- HELLO. - HI, GIRLY.

HOW ARE YOU? - HEY, MAURICIO.

- HEY, YOLANDA. HOW ARE YOU?

IS DAVID HERE? - HOW ARE YOU?

NO, HE'S WORKING.

HE'S DOING A CHARITY.

- HI. HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS THE WEIRDEST PARTY I'VE EVER THROWN.

90% OF THE PEOPLE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

HI, YOLANDA, HOW ARE YOU? - HI, GIRLS. HI.

HOW ARE YOU? - THANK YOU FOR COMING.

- THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. - THANK YOU FOR COMING.

AND THE OTHER 10% OF MY "FRIENDS,"

I'M NOT SO SURE THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.

- JOYCE. - HI, JOYCE. HOW ARE YOU?

NICE TO MEET YOU. - I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

- WELCOME TO NOT MY PARTY, BUT WELCOME.

- YEAH, THANK YOU.

- THANK YOU. - YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

- THANK YOU. THESE ARE MY FRIENDS, LISA...

- HELLO. HI.

- I'M MICHAEL OHOVEN. - AND BRANDI.

- MICHAEL, HELLO. - HI, LISA.

- WAIT. DO YOU GO TO DR. LANCER?

BECAUSE I SWEAR I'VE SEEN YOU IN THERE BEFORE.

- NO, BUT YOU KNOW WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU?

AT JANELLE'S BABY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M LIKE, "WHY DO I KNOW YOU? I KNOW THIS GIRL."

- I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHERE I'VE SEEN YOU ACTUALLY?"

- I THREW THE BABY SHOWER FOR HER.

I'M LIKE, "I KNOW THIS GIRL FOR SOME REASON."

- HONEY.

- HI. HOW ARE YOU? - MIKE.

- HI. I'M KYLE. - MICHAEL OHOVEN.

NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- HI, KYLE. I'M JOYCE. THANKS FOR HAVING US.

- HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. THANKS FOR COMING.

- THANK YOU. - JOYCE IS FROM PUERTO RICO.

- OH, WOW. WE JUST CEL-- - PUERTO RICO.

- TU TAMBIEN HABLA? DO YOU ALSO SPEAK SPANISH?

- [speaks Spanish] - [speaks Spanish]

I'M A YOUNG GIRL FROM PUERTO RICO,

BUT I LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS NOW.

I'VE BEEN A TWO-TIME MISS PUERTO RICO.

I WAS SECOND RUNNER-UP IN THE MISS UNIVERSE.

I'M A TOTAL PAGEANT GIRL. I LOVE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

[speaks Spanish] - [speaks Spanish]

- I DO UNDERSTAND IF SHE'S NOT TOO FAST WITH THE GIRLS.

THEN IT GETS REALLY TOUGH.

- IF I'M FAST, HE KIND OF GETS LOST.

MY BABY'S A PRODUCER, AND HE'S DONE FANTASTIC MOVIES.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF HIS WORK.

HE WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR FOR THE MOVIE CAPOTE.

[trills tongue] - COUPLE OF MARGARITAS,

AND I'M BETTER, ACTUALLY. - AND THEN IT'S BETTER.

- THEN I'M FLUENT, REALLY FLUENT.

- BEAUTIFUL HAIR. - SHE'S GORGEOUS.

- JOYCE IS CUTE AND FOR SURE HAS BETTER HAIR THAN KYLE.

- KYLE, YOU HAVE HAIR COMPETITION.

I'M SORRY, BUT THIS MIGHT... - I KNOW, RIGHT?

- BE BETTER THAN YOUR HAIR. - YOU HAVE STUNNING HAIR.

- I TOLD HER, I'M ABOUT TO CHOP MINE OFF.

- I THINK YOU SHOULD DO A COMMERCIAL FOR PANTENE.

- YES. [laughter]

- REALLY? - NO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- LISA'S LITTLE DIGS COME WITH A SMILE,

SO YOU THINK, "OH, THAT WAS A JOKE."

AND THEN A LITTLE WHILE LATER, YOU REALIZE,

"OKAY, THAT WAS AN INSULT."

- THESE ARE FABULOUS. - TEQUILA?

- ARE YOU SURE? - NO, NO TEQUILA.

- TEQUILA, THEN I BECOME WILD. - ME TOO.

- YOU TOO? - THAT'S WHY WE DRINK IT.

- CUTE TO SEE THE GIRLS WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HAIR--

THEY'RE, LIKE, HITTING IT OFF.

- ONE TEQUILA, AND I'M, LIKE, DONE.

I'M A VERY CHEAP DATE.

- YOU'RE OKAY WITH KYLE, THOUGH, YEAH?

IT'S OKAY? IT WAS OKAY.

- YEAH, I MEAN, TONIGHT IS NOT THE NIGHT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

- NO, BUT IT WAS OKAY. - IT'S FINE.

KYLE IS ABOUT KYLE.

WHATEVER WORKS FOR KYLE

IS HOW SHE'S GONNA MANEUVER CERTAIN SITUATIONS.

AS OF NOW, WE'RE NOT GONNA BE FRIENDS ANYTIME SOON.

- HOW FUNNY IS THAT CAKE? - [laughs]

- CAN WE EAT IT? - NO WAY! KIM!

- KYLE, I WANT A BITE.

- MAYBE WE CAN TAKE IT FROM THE BACK WHERE NOBODY SEES IT.

- PEEL ME OFF SOME CHOCOLATE. - [laughs]

- YOLANDA AND I NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT SHE LIED.

AND I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS WOMAN

IS NOT GONNA BACK DOWN AND TELL THE TRUTH.

- STAY CLOSE. - I KNOW.

- JOYCE, MICHAEL, I WANTED YOU TO MEET CARLTON AND DAVID.

- HELLO. HI. - HI.

- HI. I'M JOYCE. - JOYCE AND MICHAEL.

- HI. DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU. - HI, DAVID. NICE TO MEET YOU.

- I'M MICHAEL. - CARLTON.

- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- ARE YOU GRABBING MY ASS? - YEAH, I LIKE IT.

I'M JUST--I'M NOT USED TO IT BEING SO TIGHT.

I LOVE IT. KEEP DANCING. - DON'T TELL KEN.

- [clicks tongue] - DON'T TELL KEN.

- KEEP DANCING.

- 11, 9, AND 2 NEXT WEEK.

SON IS GONNA BE 2 NEXT WEEK.

- HOLD ON. 11? - SHE HAS A 2-YEAR-OLD.

- I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD... - REALLY?

- BOY. - I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD BOY

AND A 3-YEAR-OLD BOY. - I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.

- OH, NO, HONEY, WE GOT-- - I WANT A 2-YEAR-OLD.

[laughter] - YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE?

WHAT'S YOUR YOUNGEST AGAIN? SORRY.

- HE'S GONNA BE, ACTUALLY, 2 NEXT WEEK.

YEAH, HE'S CROSS. I MEAN, HIS NAME IS CROSS.

- YEAH? - HE'S NOT CROSS.

- HOLD ON. CROSS? - YEAH.

DESTINY AND MYSTERI. - WHOA.

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

- DESTINY AND MYSTERI-- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- THANK YOU. - THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I LIKE THAT EVEN BETTER THAN CROSS.

- I ALWAYS GIVE PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT INITIALLY,

BUT MY THING IS DON'T [bleep] WITH MY CHILDREN'S NAMES.

- THAT'S GREAT NAMES, ANYWAY.

- LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

- WHAT DID YOU DO? - NO, UH...

I FORGOT HER NAME, BUT--

I KNOW HER, BUT SOMEBODY JUST BUMPED INTO ME--

THE GUY--HER HUSBAND.

AND I HAVE STUFF ALL OVER ME.

- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. - THANK YOU.

- THIS IS VERY GOOD.

- YEAH, EVERYTHING'S REALLY GOOD.

- I RUN INTO SCHEANA ALL THE TIME.

I MEAN, THERE'S ALWAYS GONNA BE A LITTLE HISTORY THERE.

I KNOW YOU WERE [bleep] MY HUSBAND.

I GOT THAT. I GET THAT.

I MEAN, I FORGIVE 100%, BUT I CAN'T FORGET.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TOOTH?

- I HAD AN ACCIDENT, KNOCKED MY TWO FRONT TEETH OUT.

- [gasps]

- I HAD A BAD INFECTION IN THIS ONE.

- WOW. - HAD TO HAVE IT EXTRACTED.

- 'CAUSE IT'S, LIKE, GRAY OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?

- YEAH. SO IT'S JUST GLUED TO THESE TWO RIGHT NOW.

- SO ARE YOU GONNA GET-- IS THAT PERMANENT?

- I HAVE TO HAVE AN IMPLANT. - IS IT TEMPORARY?

- THIS IS TEMPORARY UNTIL THE BONE HEALS.

- [grunts] - YEAH.

- THAT SUCKS. - I KNOW. IT'S BEEN TERRIBLE.

- SHE HAD, LIKE, A GRAY AND PURPLE TOOTH.

AND SHE SAYS SHE FELL, AND SHE KNOCKED HER TEETH OUT.

KARMA.

- LIKE, MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T MENTION IT,

BUT YOU WERE LIKE, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TEETH?"

- LISTEN, SHE USED TO [bleep] MY HUSBAND,

I'M GONNA MENTION A GRAY TOOTH. - [laughs]

- COMING UP...

- YOU LOVE ME. - NO. NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING. - [laughs]

LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.

SO CONDESCENDING.

- I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD ADMIT IT RIGHT NOW,

BUT I ACTUALLY DID DO A PORNO MOVIE.

- YOU DID A PORNO? - YEAH.

IT WAS CALLED, UH... - LET ME SEE IF I RECOGNIZE YOU.

- NOT CHARLIE'S ANGELS XXX. - [laughs]

- AND I PLAYED THE LEAD ROLE IN IT.

BUT SERIOUSLY, I DID IT.

IT WAS A VOICE-OVER THING I DID YEARS AGO.

- THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. ISN'T THAT WHAT LISA SAID TOO?

- I CAN TELL. - [laughs]

- APPARENTLY, LISA HAS DONE SOME MOVIES

WHERE SHE SHOWED A LITTLE SKIN.

LISA SAID...

[British accent] "OH, PLEASE. IT WAS 3/4 OF A NIPPLE."

WELL, 3/4 OF A NIPPLE, WHOOP DE DOO.

- I HEARD ABOUT THAT... - [laughs]

- LISA'S LITTLE NIPPLE ACTION. [both laugh]

- I WAS SHOCKED THAT KYLE WOULD START TALKING

ABOUT LISA AND HER NIPPLES.

I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY DISTASTEFUL.

- LISTEN, EVERY HOME VIDEO SHOWS MORE.

THAT'S FINE. - YEAH, WHAT DO WE CARE?

- DOESN'T COUNT. - WELL, MAYBE IN YOUR HOUSE.

- [laughs] FOR SURE.

- FOR SURE. - FOR SURE IN MY HOUSE.

[laughter]

- OH, WE WENT TO VEGAS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

- OH, NICE.

- YEAH, WE HAD ONE NIGHT OF DEBAUCHERY,

AND THAT WAS ABOUT IT.

- I CAN ONLY DO VEGAS FOR ONE NIGHT, LIKE, HARD.

- PROPERLY.

- DO YOUR ACCENTS SOUND THE SAME TO YOU OR DIFFERENT?

- DIFFERENT. - THEY DO?

- DON'T THEY SOUND DIFFERENT TO YOU?

- [British accent] I'VE ONLY PERFECTED YOURS.

[laughs] - CLEARLY YOU HAVEN'T.

TWO PEOPLE YOU CAN TAKE THE PISS OUT OF NOW.

- OH, BELIEVE ME, I WILL. I LOVE IT.

- AND GET YOURSELF IN BIG TROUBLE.

YOU HAVEN'T PERFECTED MINE. - I CAN DO YOLANDA TOO.

- I DON'T THINK SO.

- [imitating Yolanda] MY HUSBAND'S A GENIUS.

[laughs]

- THAT'S NOTHING LIKE IT.

- [laughs] - THAT IS NOTHING LIKE IT.

IF I HELD A GRUDGE, I WOULDN'T BE AT KYLE'S PARTY.

BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOLANDA

YOU HAVE THE COURAGE OF YOUR CONVICTIONS.

- OH, I'LL TELL HER ONE NIGHT

WHEN SHE HAS A PERSONALITY AND WILL LAUGH.

[laughs] - OH!

IF I HELD A GRUDGE, I WOULDN'T CALL HER.

I WOULDN'T SOMETIMES HAVE LUNCH WITH HER.

HOLDING A GRUDGE IS CUTTING SOMEBODY OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

I HAVEN'T DONE THAT.

- EVERYTHING'S SO DIFFERENT LATELY.

RIGHT? - I KNOW.

NOW YOU'RE WISHING

YOU'D STAYED BEST FRIENDS WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?

- [laughs]

- NOW YOU'RE REGRETTING IT, AREN'T YOU?

- OH, YOU MISS ME, LISA.

LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME. - YOU MISS ME.

- LOOK HOW YOU'RE PETTING ME. - YOU MISS ME.

- YOU LOVE ME. - NO. NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S WISHFUL THINKING. - [laughs]

LISA IS PETTING MY HEAD LIKE I'M A DOG OR SOMETHING.

SO CONDESCENDING.

OF COURSE, SHE'S DOING IT WITH A SMILE,

LIKE SHE'S JOKING,

BUT I KNOW SHE'S NOT.

- IT'S COLD.

- THIS SEASON ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- READY?

- THIS IS THE SIDE YOU DON'T SEE.

- ON THE GROUND. YEAH, KIM!

AAH! - THE POLICE ARE COMING!

- DAVID FOSTER.

- OH, GOD, I REALLY DON'T LIKE THAT SPOT YOU JUST WENT ON.

KINGSLEY! KINGSLEY! - OH! OH!

- WOULD IT BE WRONG TO HAVE PUPPY SEX?

- LOOK AT YOU.

- BACK TO WORK.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE FAINT SO PRETTY.

- [sighs]

[thud] [laughs]

- WE CAN'T FIND CHICA.

- WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- SHE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE BROKEN BIRD.

- IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT, OKAY? I'LL SEE YOU IN RECOVERY.

- I HAVE NEVER SUFFERED THIS DEEPLY IN MY LIFE.

- KYLE, THERE IS THAT STORY

ABOUT MAURICIO CHEATING AND WHATNOT.

- A LOT OF TIMES, THESE STORIES COME OUT AND--

- YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE.

- EXACTLY.

- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TRUE. I REALLY DON'T.

- [voice breaking] [bleep] ALL OF YOU.

- I LOOK THE PART, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

- JOYCE IS BEAUTIFUL AND BUBBLY,

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ON HER BAD SIDE.

[gunshot] - BAM!

AY, DIOS MIO!

[all cheering]

- AAH!

- CARLTON IS A BADASS.

OOH, MY GOD.

SHE'S HOT. I LIKE HER.

- YES, I'M A WITCH.

- BUT SPELLS ONLY GET TO YOU IF YOU BELIEVE IN IT.

- [bleep] YOU.

WHEN YOU GO HOME TONIGHT, WATCH OUT.

- GIVE IT TO ME NOW. - I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH.

- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.

- JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG.

IF I WAS A BULLY, I WOULD HAVE KNOCKED

YOUR [bleep] TEETH OUT BY NOW.

- DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK

THAT SHE IS, LIKE, BLACKMAILING MAURICIO AND KYLE?

- EVERYBODY KNOWS IT'S A [bleep] LIE.

AND THAT'S BULL[bleep]. - WE ARE ALL HER PUPPETS.

- I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED REHAB,

BUT OBVIOUSLY IT'S JUST YOU. - SHUT THE [bleep] UP.

- YOU'RE SO STUPID.

- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO CALL ME STUPID?

- YOU'RE A BIG, STUBBORN OLD MAN.

- WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF?

- YOU DON'T.

- I'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD FRIEND TO BRANDI.

SOMETIMES, SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE HAVE BEEN VICIOUS.

- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR BEING A WICCAN,

THEN DON'T ACT LIKE A WITCH.

- YOU DON'T [bleep] DARE COMMAND ME!

- I KNOW YOU'RE THE CHESS PLAYER OF ALL TIME,

BUT I JUST [bleep] CHECKMATED YOU, BITCH.

- TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,

GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.