Original subtitles

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- I WAS TALKING TO MICHAEL

BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO, LIKE, A LITTLE GETAWAY,

AND HE FOUND THIS PLACE HE WAS GONNA SHOOT AT

IN PALM SPRINGS.

- I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT, ACTUALLY.

I-I REALLY FEEL LIKE I NEED A DE-STRESSING.

- LIKE, [bleep] IN A GOOD WAY.

- OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, BRANDI.

- IT'S BRANDI, BABE. - I KNOW.

- LET HER BE. - NO, I LIKE IT.

- I MADE OUT WITH CARLTON YESTERDAY.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MADE OUT"? - IN THE HOT TUB.

WE MADE OUT. - YOU MADE OUT?

YOU'RE LYING. - YES. WE MADE OUT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE OUT? - WE MADE OUT.

- I DON'T THINK PALM SPRINGS IS READY FOR THIS, DARLING.

- YOU ALSO SAID THAT LISA CAN GIVE CRITICISM,

BUT SHE DOESN'T TAKE IT.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. - YES, IT WAS.

- WHEN HAVE I GIVEN CRITICISM TO ANYONE?

- OH, WOW. OKAY.

I TRIED TO GIVE JOYCE SOME GOOD ADVICE,

AND SHE TURNED ON ME AND MADE IT SEEM

LIKE I WAS TALKING [bleep] WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING

TO HELP THAT GIRL OUT.

LESSON LEARNED. I WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN.

- HOW ARE YOU WITH KYLE?

- I MEAN, I'M NOT IN A BETTER PLACE

WITH THE WOMAN THAT CALLED ME A LIAR.

- THE PROBLEM IS, IS THAT SHE'S KIND OF

STABBED EVERYONE IN THE BACK,

SO YOU DON'T-- ONCE THAT HAPPENS,

IT ISN'T THE SAME.

[upbeat music]

- I'M FROM THIS TOWN.

I KNOW WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S FAKE.

- DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

ACT LIKE ONE.

- IN BEVERLY HILLS, THE HIGHER YOU CLIMB,

THE FARTHER YOU FALL.

- EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK STORY,

ESPECIALLY STARRING ME.

- IN MY WORLD, MONEY DOESN'T TALK.

IT SWEARS.

- YOU COULD NEVER BE TOO YOUNG,

TOO THIN, OR TOO HONEST.

- LIFE IS A SEXY LITTLE DANCE,

AND I LIKE TO TAKE THE LEAD.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- I LOVE YOUR NEW PLACE. - THANK YOU.

- IT'S REALLY CUTE. - I LOVE IT TOO.

CHEERS TO THAT. - OKAY.

- OKAY, SO YOU KNOW WHY I CALLED

YOU HERE TODAY, GIRLS.

I HAVE A SECOND BOOK DEAL, VERY EXCITING.

OUT OF 12 CHAPTERS, I THINK 9 OF THEM

HAVE TO DO WITH SEX.

WELCOME TO MY VAGINA.

OKAY, SO FIRST OFF,

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT GETS YOU OFF.

- OH. [laughter]

- A LOT OF THINGS. - WOW.

FIRST QUESTION. - JUST GO FOR THE JUGULAR.

- I KNOW.

- I JUST WANTED TO GET MORE

THAN MY PERSPECTIVE,

'CAUSE IT CAN'T ALL BE ME,

BECAUSE THEN I'M A WHORE.

DO YOU LIKE ORAL BEFORE, OR IS IT LIKE--

- ORAL BEFORE.

- FOR SURE, ORAL? FOR SURE?

- WAIT, I LIKE YOU TO PINCH MY NIPPLES,

AND TWIST THEM, AND LIKE-- - SEE? REALLY?

- I LIKE BEING, LIKE-- - I LIKE THE ROUGH SEX.

- I'M NOT INTO THE NIPPLE TWIST. - OH, MY GOD.

- NOW, THERE'S THE TWO-FINGER TRICK.

DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

- I DO.

- OH, YOU MEAN THE--THE G-SPOT? - REALLY?

- I FEEL LIKE IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT

THAT MEN LEARN THIS

BECAUSE WHEN A MAN DOESN'T KNOW IT,

I'M BREAKING UP WITH HIM.

THERE ARE THINGS THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW.

THE TWO FINGER, THE PRESSING-DOWN THING.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT, YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

GET THE BOOK, GOOGLE IT, FIGURE IT OUT,

BECAUSE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S CHEATING IF YOU'RE NOT DOING IT.

HOW LONG DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX FOR?

HOW MANY MINUTES?

- I'M NOT INTO, LIKE, 30- [bleep]-MINUTE SEX, I'M SORRY.

- I'M INTO 30 MINUTES, BUT NOT AN HOUR.

- NO. - IT JUST--IT HURTS.

- I WOULD SAY-- - I LIKE THAT.

- BUT IF YOU'RE GETTING TO A POINT

WHERE YOU'RE JUST DONE, ASK THEM TO CHOKE YOU.

- I LOVE THAT.

I ALWAYS DO THAT. - YEAH, BUT, LIKE,

THAT, THEY GET SO TURNED ON BY THAT.

- ETIRSA'S LIKE, "WHAT?" - IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME.

- OH, I LOVE BEING CHOKED. - IS THAT REALLY BAD?

IS THAT A FETISH?

- LIKE CHOKED OUT TO WHERE YOU'RE LIKE--

[gagging] - NO--NO, I MEAN, SOMETIMES.

[laughs]

- WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU DATING

THAT IT GETS THEM OFF?

- WELL, I THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO KIND OF

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

[laughs] GET IT?

THESE GIRLS HAVE BEEN MY FRIENDS FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

THEY ACCEPT ME, THEY UNDERSTAND ME

FOR THE GOODS, THE BADS, AND THE UGLY,

AND EVERYONE ELSE CAN JUST SUCK IT.

OH, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN?

I'VE MADE OUT WITH A LOT OF YOU.

- NOT ME. - YEAH.

YOU HAVE, LIKE, REALLY SOFT LIPS.

- OH, THANKS. - I-I THINK I'M GETTING,

LIKE, SEXUALLY STIMULATED. - IT'S WARM IN--

IT'S WARM IN HERE. IT'S REALLY WARM IN HERE.

- I'M SUPER HORNY.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- MAYBE WITH THAT ONE.

THIS ONE. - I LOVE IT.

JUST OPEN AND FLOWING WITH HEELS.

JUST LIKE, "HELLO." - HELLO.

- VERY SEX AND THE CITY. [both laugh]

- THAT'S AMAZING. - THIS ONE I LOVE.

PALM SPRINGS IS ONLY A TWO-DAY TRIP,

BUT I THINK THAT GIRLS DRESS FOR GIRLS.

I WANT TO LOOK MY BEST.

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? WITH A LITTLE BAG...

- I'VE ALWAYS LOVED CLOTHES GROWING UP.

MY MOTHER WOULD GIVE ME $20

SO I COULD GO TO THE MALL AND BUY MYSELF SOMETHING.

AND I FELT SO COOL LIKE, "OH, MOM, LOOK.

I GOT THIS DRESS FOR MYSELF, AND I STYLED IT MYSELF."

OH, THAT'S GORGEOUS.

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. RIGHT?

- IT LOOKS--YEAH. - I LOVE IT.

- OH, LOOK AT THIS.

IT'S VERY CUTE.

- MM, YEAH. YEP.

THAT'S COOL.

- I LOVE TO GO TO PALM SPRINGS.

THERE'S SOMETHING VERY SPIRITUAL ABOUT IT.

[mimics whooshing]

OM... AH.

- OH, LOOK AT THIS.

YOU PUT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.

- [laughs]

- OH. IT'S GOT A TOOTHBRUSH IN IT.

- WAIT, IS IT--IS IT-- [device vibrating]

- STOP IT.

- [laughs] OKAY.

- [laughs] HOW DO YOU--

THAT'S NOT RIGHT. YOU--YOU...

- I FIND YOUR TOOLS, MOM.

- I'M A LITTLE UPSET

THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS.

- WELL, WHEN I FIND THEM IN YOUR DRAWER.

- [laughs]

OH, YOU'RE SO WRONG.

[laughs]

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? THIS IS A PADDLE.

[laughs]

- LOOK HOW CUTE. - OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WHO'S THAT BY?

- KINGA DID THIS. THIS IS KINGA'S.

I'M A TOTAL GIRLY GIRL, SO FASHION

PLAYS A REALLY BIG PART IN MY LIFE.

I LOVE TO GO SHOPPING WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS

AND TELL THEM WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON THEM.

I LOVE TO MAKE MAKEOVERS ON MY GIRLFRIENDS.

I JUST LOVE FASHION.

- THIS IS SENSATIONAL, KINGA.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, RIGHT? - OH, MY GOODNESS.

ELEGANT. - WHAT IS IT?

- CAVALLI. - IT'S CAVALLI.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE CAVALLI.

- THESE ARE CUTE. - BYE-BYE.

- [sighs]

LET'S SEE HOW LIGHT THEY ARE.

- OH, THAT IS LIGHT. - IT'S LIGHT.

- SO ONE MORE NIGHT, RIGHT? - YES.

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE FOR A NIGHT?

- YES.

SHE KNOWS ME.

I LOVE IT.

I RARELY GET AWAY WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS.

I HATE LEAVING MY KIDS.

SO I WANT US TO RELAX AND JUST HAVE A GREAT TIME.

- OH, LOOK AT THIS.

- WHAT'S THAT? - PEACE.

[laughs]

HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE LIKE

ONE OF THOSE TRIPS THAT MAYBE

EVERYBODY GETS ALONG.

- THIS IS REALLY COOL.

CAN WE GET TWO OF THESE, ACTUALLY?

- DO YOU HAVE ONE THAT DOESN'T VIBRATE?

- NO, SONICARE VIBRATES. - NO, I'M JUST TEASING.

ACTUALLY, COULD YOU-- - I LIKE VIBRATING ONES.

- STOP IT. - JUST KIDDING.

- IT'S NOT RIGHT.

- WE'LL TAKE TWO OF THESE.

- PERFECT. IN PINK?

- YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- HEY, KYLE. - HI THERE.

HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU. - YOU TOO.

- HI, CUTIE. YOU GET A KISS FIRST.

OH, LOOK HOW CUTE,

ALWAYS NAPPING ON THE COUNTER LIKE THAT.

- HE'S THE GREETER HERE.

- YES, I KNOW.

- HI. - HI. HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. - I'M LATE.

MWAH. - NO WORRIES.

THIS IS WENDY, CARLTON. - HI.

- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

- I'VE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR IN PALM SPRINGS,

AND MY KIDS HAVE STOLEN ALL OF MY CLOTHES.

THEY STEAL EVERYTHING, MY DAUGHTERS.

LOOK HOW CUTE THIS COLOR IS.

THIS MAY NOT BE FLATTERING ON THE BUTT, THOUGH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA TELL YOU, KYLE?

YOUR BUTT LOOKS SO SMALL AND CUTE IN THOSE JEANS.

LIKE, YOU'RE LOOKING SO HOT.

YOU REALLY ARE. - I AM?

- YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING TO ME

ABOUT YOUR BODY DYSMORPHIA, BUT--

WELL, I'M CALLING IT BODY DYSMORPHIA.

BUT YOU'RE LOOKING SO GOOD. - WELL, THANK YOU.

- THIS IS AS FLAT AS I'VE EVER SEEN IT,

AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A REAL THING ABOUT THAT.

- I KNOW YOU DO... - I DO. I DO.

- AND THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU,

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE A THING ABOUT IT.

SO WHEN I SEE IT LOOKING SO GOOD,

YOU NEED TO KNOW.

- OH, GOD, REALLY?

- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THAT WHOLE CRAZY DAY

AT THE POOL TOP. - YEAH, THAT WAS FUN.

- IT JUST SUCKS TO BE CALLED A BULLY

IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.

- YOU SHOULD TELL THE PAPARAZZI THAT.

- I DID. - GOOD FOR YOU.

- I ABSOLUTELY DID.

- I HAVE NO CONTROL WHAT THE PAPARAZZI SAYS TO--

TO YOU, OR TO ME, OR TO ANY OF US.

- I WOULD OBVIOUSLY THINK THAT THAT WAS COMING

FROM YOUR CAMP BECAUSE IT WAS DEFINITELY--

- I DON'T HAVE A CAMP TO TALK TO PRESS, BRANDI.

I DON'T HAVE A CAMP.

I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.

- OKAY.

- YEAH, I FELT SO BAD THAT YOU WERE,

LIKE, CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE.

- I DON'T KNOW THAT KYLE

IS TRULY SINCERE ABOUT APOLOGIZING

FOR THE CRAZINESS AT THE HOTEL...

'CAUSE SHE WAS PART OF IT.

WELL--AND ACTUALLY-- AND I'M--

I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY,

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE

THERE WERE A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS

THAT YOU SAID STUFF TO ME

THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH ME EITHER.

- ME TO YOU? - YEAH, YEAH.

OBVIOUSLY, THE BIGGEST THING THAT STICKS OUT IN MY HEAD

WAS WHEN WE WERE AT MY HOUSE

AND YOU ASKED ME, "AM I A WITCH?"

OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.

- HAVE YOU EVER EXPLORED WITH WITCHCRAFT?

- REALLY?

I FELT LIKE I WAS KIND OF PUT ON THE SPOT.

- OH, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

- WELL, I KINDA TOOK IT THAT WAY.

WHAT PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND, THEY USUALLY,

YOU KNOW, ATTACK VERBALLY, OR WHATEVER.

- RIGHT. - TRUST ME,

IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER BEEN JUDGED.

THE OTHER THING WAS WHEN I WAS AT YOUR HOUSE

FOR BRUNCH WITH JOYCE AND...

- SHARON. - UH-UH.

- AND I WAS TELLING THE STORY ABOUT THE BLOODY BIRD...

I SAW THIS BIRD FLYING,

AND THE BLACK CAT, MIDNIGHT, WENT FOR IT, AND--

- I'M GONNA OPEN THE WINE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SHARON, YOU WANT WHITE WINE OR RED?

- LITERALLY, MID-SENTENCE, YOU TURNED AND WALKED AWAY.

- OH, MY GOSH. NO. - SO I'M LIKE--

- I WAS SO OVERWHELMED BECAUSE I HAD NO HELP THAT DAY,

AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A BABY-SITTER,

AND IT WAS, LIKE, JUST KIND OF CRAZY THAT DAY.

I HAVE OFFENDED YOU ONCE. I OFFENDED YOU TWICE.

I CAN GUARANTEE I'M PROBABLY GONNA OFFEND YOU AGAIN.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

I-I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING FUN.

- AND THERE WAS ONE MORE THING.

- OH, MY GOD. - I KNOW, I'M JUST--

I'M JUST TELLING YOU, 'CAUSE I WANT

TO GET IT OUT THERE, BECAUSE I DO--

I DO WANT TO MOVE FORWARD PROPERLY WITH YOU.

- OKAY. - WHEN I MET YOU

FOR THE FIRST TIME AT THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE,

AND YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LISA'S NIPPLE.

- I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

LITTLE 3/4THS OF A NIPPLE. WHOOPTIE-DOO.

- THAT DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH ME

BECAUSE I THINK THAT LISA'S YOUR FRIEND, AND--

- SHE--I GOT THAT JOKE FROM HER.

SHE'S THE ONE WHO SAYS THAT.

SHE SAID-- - WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

- OH, YEAH. NO, NO.

THAT'S WHY-- YEAH, THAT'S WHY, YOU KNOW--

- IT WASN'T COOL TO SAY THAT

ABOUT HER WHEN SHE WASN'T THERE.

- THERE'S A MEXICAN EXPRESSION

WHEN SOMEONE'S LOOKING FOR A PROBLEM.

CARLTON IS LOOKING FOR TITS ON AN ANT.

OH, MY GOD, WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL

SO THAT WE DON'T HAVE ANY ISSUES MOVING FORWARD.

- NO, I DON'T. THAT'S WHY I'M TELLING YOU.

- YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IN THE GROUP,

LIKE, SOMETHING WILL BOTHER SOMEONE.

THEN THEY'LL GO TO SOMEONE ELSE,

AND IT BECOMES THIS BIG THING WHERE--

- YEAH, AND I DON'T-- I CAN'T STAND THAT BLOODY DRAMA.

- YEAH, I CAN'T-- IT GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY,

I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU. - YEAH.

- SO I'M GLAD YOU TOLD ME THAT, AND--

- AND I JUST--I NEEDED, LIKE, AN OPPORTUNITY

TO TELL YOU ALONE.

I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT IN FRONT OF ANYBODY.

- RIGHT, NO, I AGREE.

BECAUSE IT ENDS UP BECOMING

LIKE A BIG HIGH SCHOOL GANG-UP IN TEAMS--

- THANK YOU. CANNOT DO THAT.

- NO, I CAN'T EITHER. - ALL RIGHT.

- OKAY? - WE'RE DONE.

- OKAY, GOOD. [both laugh]

WELL, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

- YEAH, THERE'S A NICE, CLEAN SLATE NOW.

- I'M GONNA GET THESE.

I JUST KNOW MY KIDS ARE GONNA STEAL THAT.

- THEY WILL. - THEY WILL.

THEY'LL STEAL THEM, THEN I'LL BE BACK FOR MORE.

[alarm wailing] OH, I THINK THAT'S YOUR CAR.

I HAVE THE SAME ALARM. - OH, [bleep].

I DIDN'T KNOW MINE-- - KYLE.

- IF YOU HAVE THE TOP DOWN, IT'LL GO OFF.

- THESE ARE THE ONES WE HAVE IN YOUR COLOR.

- [laughs] OKAY THEN.

- OKAY.

- COMING UP...

- COME ON, GET IN! - I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.

- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY. - I WANT TO LAY HERE.

- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD FOR PEER PRESSURE.

- THIS IS NOT BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.

- TITS ON AN ANT.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- THANK YOU.

HEY. - HI.

- HELLO. - HI.

- HOW ARE YOU? - HELLO.

- WE'RE HERE. YOU GUYS EXCITED?

- YEAH. OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO TALL.

LOOK AT THIS TALL GIRL. - LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL DRESS.

- HI, BABE. - HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- YOU TOO.

- KIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MOVING TO PALM SPRINGS?

- COME. I'M GONNA HELP YOU.

- I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD BRING

EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN CASE YOU WANT IT.

OH, THAT'S MY JUICER.

- KIM, YOU DID NOT BRING A JUICER.

- I DON'T LIKE WHEN I GO TO A HOTEL OR SOMETHING,

AND THEY TELL ME IT'S FRESH JUICE AND IT'S NOT.

I CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY JUICER.

I LIKE MY FRESH GRAPEFRUIT JUICE IN THE MORNING

AND MY FRESH MELON JUICE.

- OKAY, GET IN. LET'S GO.

- JUICE.

[mimics blending]

YEAH.

SO WHAT'S THE PLAN THIS WEEKEND?

- WELL, IT'S A LOT OF HANGING OUT AND RELAXING

'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE VERY NICE TO JUST--

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET AWAY, WE HAVE TO RELAX

AND GET AWAY FROM THE MADNESS.

TONIGHT, I HAVE A CHEF COMING OVER.

HE'S GONNA MAKE DINNER FOR US. - OH, TONIGHT?

- YEAH, TONIGHT. - YAY.

- FIRST TIME THAT I WAS EVER IN PALM SPRINGS

WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER DID THE MASTER CLEANSE.

- OH, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER DID COCAINE.

I'M KIDDING.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS. I'M LIKE--

- NO, THAT WAS SAN FRANCISCO.

- SO HAS JOYCE BEEN DOWN TO THIS HOUSE BEFORE OR NOT?

- I REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER.

I KNOW THAT SHE'S GOT A SMALL COOCHIE

AND HER HUSBAND'S GOT A BIG WINKY.

APART FROM THAT, THAT'S THE ONLY THING

THAT SHE'S EVER TOLD ME.

- I'M SO TIGHT, IF I DO A NIP-TUCK,

HE WOULDN'T FIT. - [laughs]

YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.

- THAT BLOODY VISUAL'S NOT GOOD FOR ME, THANK YOU.

- [laughs] - I'M EATING.

- [speaking Spanish]

I ALMOST GOT IT!

- YOU GOT--YOU CAN'T DO TWO AT THE SAME TIME!

- SHE'S A BAD THROWER. - YOU'RE A [bleep] THROWER.

- I GOT IT!

- HOPEFULLY, IT WILL BE A CALM TRIP.

- YEAH, HOPEFULLY, IT WILL.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? BUT--BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE,

IT'S ABOUT TIME, YOU KNOW, WE WORK THROUGH SOME THINGS.

- YEAH, LET'S TALK IT OUT AND MAKE IT GO AWAY.

MY PLAN IS JUST TO BE VERY KIND

AND KILL HER WITH KINDNESS,

AND NOT ENGAGE AS FAR AS JOYCE GOES.

- YEAH.

- JOYCE IS A GOOD PERSON. SHE'S NOT A BAD PERSON.

SHE'S JUST ANNOYING. I'LL GIVE JOYCE ANOTHER CHANCE.

I'M A BIG GIRL. I CAN DO THAT.

I NEVER REALLY STICK TO MY PLANS, BUT--

BUT I TRY TO MAKE GOOD PLANS.

- YEAH.

- HELLO, DARLING.

- DARLING. - DARLINGS.

- WE'RE A LITTLE BIT JEALOUS THAT YOU'VE KIND OF LEFT US

AND GONE WITH YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, CARLTON.

- WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO A LITTLE HEALTH SPA

FOR A RELAXING TIME.

- YEAH, WE'RE-- WE'RE AT THE OUTLET STORES.

WE'RE ACTUALLY WALKING INTO GUCCI RIGHT NOW.

- WELL, YOU DON'T NEED THE BRITISH INVASION.

- DO YOU THINK THAT WE'RE SHARING ROOMS?

- WELL, IF WE GET THERE LAST.

- [laughs]

- ANYWAY, PINKY, WE MISSING YOU.

- YOU TOO, CARLY. I--WE--

WE HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FOR CARLTON.

- CARLTON, WE'RE GONNA CALL YOU "BLACKY."

BLACKY AND PINKY. - [laughs]

I LOVE THAT NAME.

- THAT'S NOT A GOOD NICKNAME.

- IT'S NOT? - NO.

WE'RE GONNA COME UP WITH SOMETHING--

- BUT SHE ALWAYS WEARS BLACK... - I KNOW.

- AND LISA ALWAYS WEARS PINK.

- "CATTY." NO, CATTY.

- NO, CATTY'S NOT NICE. - KITTY, KITTY.

KITTY. MEOW.

WE'LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING THAT'S NOT "BLACKY" OR "KITTY."

- DARLING, I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

- ♪♪ WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE ♪♪

COME ON, KIM.

- [groans]

[laughter]

- KIM.

[indistinct chatter]

- [snorts] [laughter]

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- HELLO THERE.

THANK YOU. - MM-HMM.

- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. - GORGEOUS.

- WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LOST HERE, WHICH WOULD BE NOT BAD.

- THIS PLACE IS JUST STUNNING.

IT'S--IT'S ALMOST LIKE HAVING

A MINI-HOTEL JUST FOR US GIRLS.

HI. - HI, LADIES.

- HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.

- HI, I'M KELLY. COME ON INSIDE. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- GET YOU OUT OF THE HEAT. - I'M KYLE.

- THIS IS KYLE. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- HI. HI. WELCOME, WELCOME.

THIS IS COLONY 29, 7-ACRE ESTATE.

BUILT IN 1929. THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT COLONY 29.

YOU HAVE THE WHOLE PROPERTY.

THERE ARE SIX HOUSES ON THE GROUNDS.

THERE'S A TWO-BEDROOM AND A ONE-BEDROOM

'CAUSE THEY'RE SEPARATE HOUSES.

RIGHT NOW, WE'RE IN THE MAIN HOUSE.

THERE'S SO MANY NOOKS AND CRANNIES HERE,

IT'S AMAZING.

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.

I PROMISE. - THAT'S WHAT MICHAEL SAID.

MICHAEL SAID WHEN HE SCOUTED IT,

HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.

- I LOVE IT.

- MICHAEL MET THE OWNER OF THIS COLONY

DURING A FILM SCOUT.

HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO INVITE MY GIRLFRIENDS,

AND I SAID, "WHAT A PERFECT MOMENT

TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN AND CONNECT BETTER."

- YEAH, SO WE'RE GONNA DO A LITTLE TOUR

OF THE BEDROOMS FIRST, AND THEN YOU GUYS

CAN DECIDE WHICH ONES YOU-- YOU LIKE.

THIS IS ONE OF THE SMALLER GUEST BEDROOMS,

SO IT'S A QUEEN BED.

YOU'RE RIGHT UP AGAINST THE MOUNTAIN HERE.

IT'S PRETTY AMAZING.

- HOW MANY ROOMS ARE IN THE MAIN HOUSE?

- THERE ARE FOUR ROOMS IN THE MAIN HOUSE.

- FOUR ROOMS, AND THREE OF US ARE ALREADY HERE.

LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS ARE OUT OF LUCK.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.

- THIS HAS A KING-SIZED BED IN IT

AND WITH ITS OWN IN-SUITE BATHROOM.

- THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL BED.

- YEAH. - NICE.

- THIS IS THE MASTER. - BEAUTIFUL.

- HAVE A GOOD TIME, YEAH.

- THIS IS LIKE A CAVE.

- PRETTY TOO. - OH, YEAH, THIS IS PRETTY.

WELL, THIS SHOULD DEFINITELY BE JOYCE'S ROOM.

- I LIKE THE ONE UPSTAIRS BETTER.

I DON'T THINK I COULD SLEEP UNDERNEATH THAT ROCK.

IT'S SCARY.

- IS THIS COMING IN FROM THE OUTSIDE?

OR IS IT A DESIGN? - IT'S ACTUALLY THE MOUNTAIN.

- IT IS? - YES, IT'S THE MOUNTAIN.

- IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN. - IT REALLY IS THE MOUNTAIN.

- NO, I WILL-- I'LL TAKE UPSTAIRS.

- WE'VE ALREADY HAD NUMEROUS EARTHQUAKES,

AND IT STILL HASN'T COLLAPSED.

IT'S BEEN HERE SINCE 1929.

- I BELIEVE I HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS

THAN THIS ROCK RIGHT NOW.

[laughter]

- ONE COULD WORRY THAT THE HOUSE IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.

THE WHOLE HOUSE IS BUILT AROUND THE ROCK.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

RAH.

- I'M DOWN IN THE DUNGEON.

DON'T LEAVE ME DOWN HERE ALL BY MYSELF.

- LOVE YOU.

- OH, MY GOD.

HELLO?

- HI, LADIES. - HELLO.

I'M LISA. - THIS IS CARLTON.

- HI. - HELLO.

- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AGAIN?

- CARLTON. I'M KELLY.

YOU'LL GET YOUR PICK OF WHERE YOU WANT TO STAY.

SO THERE'S SIX-- - OH.

- WE'RE HERE FIRST? - [laughs]

- YEAH.

OH, REVENGE IS SWEET.

- THOSE ARE LIKE BABY BEDS.

- BUT IT'S FINE.

- I KNOW WHAT LISA'S GONNA SAY.

"IT'S FINE."

AND INSIDE, SHE'LL BE LIKE-- [growls]

[laughter]

- DOESN'T JOYCE-- DOESN'T SHE CHOOSE THE ROOM?

- WELL, YES, AND I THINK SHE'S ALREADY ARRIVED,

SO I THINK THEY HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN.

- I WAS BORN AT NIGHT, BUT IT WASN'T LAST NIGHT.

I'M PROBABLY IN THE SHED OR THE ATTIC LIKE LAST TIME.

HERE WE ARE, RIGHT ON CUE.

- HOW WAS-- HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

- HI. GOOD, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. - HOW ARE YOU?

- HI. - HI, LOVE.

- WELL, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

- YEAH, IT WAS REALLY GOOD.

- IT WAS GOOD? - YEAH, YEAH, THANK YOU.

- THE DRIVE WAS OKAY? both: YEAH.

- SO WE WERE JUST TALKING TO KELLY.

SHE WAS SAYING TO CHOOSE OUR ROOM,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW YOU LIKE TO CHOOSE MY ROOM FOR ME.

- YEAH, I HAVE A PERFECT LITTLE ROOM FOR YOU.

A PERFECT LITTLE ROOM. NO, I'M KIDDING.

- THANK YOU. A VERY SMOOTH RIDE.

WE NEED A LADY DRIVER ALL THE TIME.

SHALL WE? - IT'S SO HOT.

YES. - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

- HI.

- HOW WAS YOUR--YOUR DRIVE? - HOW ARE YOU?

- WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS! - I'M SLEEPY AND SWEATY.

- I'M HOT TOO. - I JUST SAW YOU.

HI. - HI.

- HOW WAS THE DRIVE? GOOD?

- LONG AND SWEATY.

A LONG ONE. - YEAH, IT'S HOT, THOUGH.

- I AM SWEATY. - I KNOW, ME TOO.

- I THINK ALL OF THE BEDROOMS HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLAIMED,

SO WE HAVE TO GO LOOK AT SOME

OF THE OTHER LITTLE BUNGALOWS.

- NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT THE OTHER ONES ARE SMALL.

WE DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE A SMALL BEDROOM.

- ONE OF US COULD SHARE A ROOM. - YEAH, WE DON'T MIND.

- LET'S GO CHECK OUT THE BUNGALOWS.

- I'M DONE WALKING.

- WHAT'S DOWN HERE?

OH, THE MAID'S QUARTERS.

WAHH!

THE MAIN HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.

CARLTON AND I GOT THE LAST ROOM THAT WAS GIVEN

BECAUSE I'M OBVIOUSLY THE STEPCHILD IN THIS SITUATION.

- OH, MY GOSH.

- I THINK JOYCE TRIED TO FIND THE COTTAGE

AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.

- IS KEN IN THERE? - [laughs]

I MEAN, IT'S ONLY, LIKE, 120 DEGREES

AND, LIKE, A FEW HUNDRED YARDS.

GOD. - OH, MY GOD.

- OH, [bleep]. - AND THE SHEETS ARE NOT IRONED.

I MEAN, WHERE IS THE FLUFFY DOWN

AND THE PINK LITTLE LINE, YOU KNOW?

WE NEED AN IRON. CAN I IRON MY SHEET?

[chuckles]

- WELL, JUST FOR THE RECORD.

COMING UP...

- WHOO! - WHOO-HOO!

- GIRLS. - WHOO.

- CARLTON.

- WHO WANTS TO TAKE MY WRAP OFF NOW

WHEN BO DEREK'S LAYING NEXT TO ME?

- SEE YOU BY THE POOL. WE'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.

- I NEED A DRESS AND A SWIMSUIT.

I NEED TO BE NAKED. - I KNOW.

I--MAYBE WE'LL GO SKINNY-DIPPING TONIGHT.

- YEAH, SERIOUSLY.

- I LIKE THAT. THAT'S CUTE.

BETSEY-- IS THAT BETSEY JOHNSON?

- YEAH. - AH, I LOVE HER.

- I DIDN'T HAVE ANY LOUIS VUITTONS.

- I LOVE HER. - I DO TOO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I BROUGHT STUFF

THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN WEAR HERE.

- I MEAN, THIS IS JUST TOO-- - I PACKED LIKE...

- THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME SO TAMED.

I LIKE IT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- IT IS SO GORGEOUS.

- OH, THIS ONE. - FOOD.

- IT'S GOT THE MOTHER OF JESUS ON IT.

MARY. OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

- I ALWAYS LIKE GAULTIER.

- MARY'S ON MY TITS. [laughs]

- OH, MY GOD. IS SHE SUCKLING?

- [laughs]

- READY, KIM?

- OOH, IT'S HOT.

OKAY, THIS IS VERY, VERY HOT.

- WE'RE SO USED TO HAVING SO MUCH NOISE IN OUR HOUSE

WITH ALL THE KIDS, THAT WHEN IT'S QUIET,

IT SEEMS SO STRANGE. - YES.

YOU FEEL OUT OF PLACE, RIGHT?

- I'M LIKE, "WHAT IS THIS SOUND?"

- I LOVE IT. - "WHAT IS THIS SOUND?

OH, IT'S SILENCE." - YOU'RE LIKE, "IT'S PEACEFUL."

- OH, BLOODY HELL.

- HEY.

- [gasps] YOU COULD DIE FROM THE STEPS.

- NO, I KNOW. I SAID, "HOLD ON."

- HI, GIRLS. - HI.

- ARE WE GOING IN?

- I'M RELAXING.

- ONE MORE DRINK, AND WE'LL ALL GO IN.

- HOW IS THE WATER? IS IT NICE?

- I'M GOING SKINNY-DIPPING LATER TONIGHT.

- OH, LET'S DO IT. - I'M GONNA GO RIGHT NOW.

- AFTER YOU, I'LL BE FIRST.

- I'LL DO THAT. - JACQUELINE, ARE--ARE--

DO WE HAVE DRINKS? IS THERE A WAITER?

- JOYCE, BABE, JOYCE. - OH, I'M SORRY.

IS THERE A WAITER? - JACQUELINE.

I LIKE THAT NAME, THOUGH.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME. NO, BUT IT'S JOYCE.

- WHEN I THINK OF THE NAME JOYCE,

I THINK OF A GRANDMA OR AN OLD, CHUBBY MRS. CLAUS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF,

BUT THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF, JOYCE.

- THERE'S NO JOYCE IN PUERTO RICO.

IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME. - NO, EXACTLY.

THAT'S LIKE MY GRANDMA'S NAME.

- WE BOTH KNOW MY NAME IS JOYCE.

JOYCE. - "YOYCE"?

- JOYCE. JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.

- "YOYCE."

- JOYCE. - JOYCE.

- "YOYCE," DO WE HAVE DRINKS?

- YES, COME, LET'S CHECK OUT THE KITCHEN.

WE GO UP.

- HOW COME YOU DIDN'T BRING GIGGY?

- TOO HOT FOR HIM.

- I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT'S MISSING.

- HERE'S THE KITCHEN-- HERE'S THE BAR.

I DON'T THINK WE HAVE GRAPEFRUIT.

- WHAT DID I DO WITH MY-- - THERE IS GRAPEFRUIT.

LOOK. THERE'S EVERYTHING.

- OH, NICE. - I MISS HIM MADLY.

- LISA. - I KNOW.

LISTEN, I WILL GO HOME AND GET HIM

IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO. - VANDER-GIG.

- DO YOU WANT ONE, JACQUELINE?

OH. - JOYCE.

- I AM SO SORRY. IT'S NOT A LATIN NAME.

- JOYCE, JOYCE, JOYCE.

JUST THINK "JOY TO THE WORLD."

- OY, OY, OY, OY, OY. - JOYCE.

- HERE'S YOUR PINA COLADA.

YOU.

- IS THAT MY VODKA SODA? THANK YOU.

- YEAH, VODKA SODA WITH GRAPEFRUIT AND LIME--

- PERFECT. - WHO ELSE?

- THERE YOU HAVE IT. - THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

- WELL, THIS WILL DO. - OH, MY GOD.

all: CHEERS.

- CHEERS. WE TRIED FOR THE PINA COLADAS,

AND--NO COCONUT. - FAILED.

- WHO'S GETTING IN THE POOL?

- YOU.

- JOYCE IS. I HAVE A JESUS BATHING SUIT ON.

[laughter] IT'S MARY.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF

SO WE CAN SEE IT? - I WILL.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONLY [bleep] ONE.

- YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY. - I'VE HAD TWO KIDS.

- SO DO YOU. YOU GET UNDRESSED THEN FIRST.

DO IT. - IF YOU WANT ME TO.

- THE GIRLS ARE OUT. - WHOO!

- 40 AND UNDER, TAKE YOUR BATHING SUIT OFF.

- JEEZ, I WAS JUST GETTING READY

TO TAKE MINE OFF AND GET IN THE POOL,

BUT WHO WANTS TO TAKE MY WRAP OFF NOW

WHEN BO DEREK'S LAYING NEXT TO ME?

- STAND UP AND DO IT.

- NAH, I'M GOOD HERE. [laughs]

- COME ON, KITTY CAT.

- I'M ONLY DOING IT FOR YOU 'CAUSE--

JUST TO SUPPORT YOU. - NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE

THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS PRESSURE TO BE LIKE--GET YOUR--

SHE HAS THE SICKEST BODY EVER. - NO, I [bleep] DON'T.

NO, I'M PMS-ING. - YES, YOU DO.

- NO, I'M PMS-ING. - ME TOO.

I'M GETTING IT ON THE 10TH. - BUT WE ALL ARE.

- LET'S SEE THIS BA-- BATHING SUIT.

- I KNOW. WHOO!

- WHOO-HOO. - SHE'S GOT THE TINIEST--

YEAH, WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING IN?

- I DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE WATER.

- OOH, CARLTON.

- WHOO-HOO!

- I MEAN, WE'VE GOT THE ITSY-BITSIEST,

THAT'S FOR SURE, AND I'LL JUST STAY IN MY MUMU.

THANK YOU. - I'M CONTENT RIGHT NOW.

- LOOK AT-- LOOK AT THIS.

WHAT DOES THIS SAY? - "WASH YOUR SHEETS."

- "[bleep] YOU." - IT DOES NOT SAY--

- IT DOES. - IT SAYS THAT?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- CLEARLY, THAT'S WHY WE GET ALONG.

- I HAVE A TATTOO OF A CROSS THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU."

A [bleep] YOU TO THE INNER DEMONS,

LIKE, THE NEGATIVITY,

ANYBODY THAT'S GIVEN ME THE EVIL EYE.

AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE.

- THAT--THAT SAYS "[bleep] YOU"?

- SO IS THAT-- IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?

- INSIDE IT, IT SAYS IT? THAT'S PRETTY.

- AND THEN, YOU HAVE ONE ON YOUR FOOT.

- IT'S MY WICCA STAR.

- OH, THE WICCA.

IS THAT A WITCH?

- OOH. OOH!

[screams, laughs]

GRR. [laughs]

- A PENTA--IS THAT WHAT IT-- WHAT IS IT CALLED?

both: PENTAGRAM.

- WHAT'S A PENTAGRAM? - PENTAGRAM, LET ME SEE.

- LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT THAT. - PRETTY TOO.

- WHAT'S THE PENTAGRAM?

- A PENTAGRAM IS A SYMBOL OF WICCA.

WICCA IS A FAITH, OR IT'S A RELIGION.

WHAT WICCANS WORSHIP IS PRESERVING MOTHER NATURE,

HAVING RESPECT FOR THE EARTH.

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CONNECTION WITH ANIMALS.

I WOULD FIND RABBITS THAT WERE HURT,

BIRDS THAT WERE HURT.

THEY WOULD ALWAYS COME HOME WITH ME.

SO I DO HAVE A RESPECT

FOR, BASICALLY, GOD'S CREATURES

AND ANIMALS IN THE DESERT.

COCKROACHES DON'T COUNT,

HUMAN OR OTHERWISE.

IT'S ABOUT CRYSTALS.

THEY'RE--THEY'RE A GIFT FROM THE EARTH,

AND THEY DO HAVE HEALING POWERS.

- I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BELIEVE ABOUT HER WICCA.

- I BELIEVE IN A GODDESS... - YEAH.

- MORE THAN I DO IN A GOD.

I DO GET DEFENSIVE,

BUT IF SOMEBODY GENUINELY DOES WANT TO FIND OUT,

ONCE I GET TO KNOW THEM, I DON'T MIND EXPLAINING IT,

UNVEILING IT IN MY WAY.

I KNOW THAT WOMEN, HONESTLY,

COULD BLOODY RULE THE WORLD

IF THEY JUST GOT OUT OF THEIR [bleep]WAY.

- THAT IS SO SILLY TO ME.

COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.

I HAVE A GOD THAT IS SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL

THAN ANY WITCH IN THE WORLD.

- I KNOW THAT WE'RE THE MOST POWERFUL.

- CARLTON AND I HAD A FRIENDSHIP KISS THE OTHER NIGHT.

ARE YOU GUYS IN FOR IT? - A FRIENDSHIP WHAT?

- WE HAD A FRIENDSHIP KISS.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- WHAT? - IT'S A FRIENDSHIP KISS.

- I'M CURIOUS. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

SHOW US. - NO, NOT NOW.

- DO YOU ACTUALLY KISS? - I'VE NEVER KISSED ANY GIRL.

BRANDI THINKS IT'S NO BIG DEAL

TO MAKE OUT WITH A GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'S LIKE, "OH, COME ON, IT'S FROM THE WAIST UP."

ISN'T IT THE WHOLE POINT OF IT, LIKE, FROM THE WAIST DOWN?

I MEAN, JUST SAYING, WHERE I COME FROM...

- YOU KISSED ME ON THE EIFFEL TOWER.

- WELL, LIKE THIS. THAT'S NOT A KISS.

- YOU SLIPPED YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH, LISA.

- OH, YOU. IN YOUR DREAMS.

- COME HERE. GIVE ME A KISS.

- MWAH.

SEE, THAT'S NOTHING.

- SEE, THAT WAS THE SAME THING.

- MM...

I DON'T THINK IT'S BAD.

AND--AND THEY'RE SHARING A ROOM, RIGHT?

- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOSTESS? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOSTING.

- I'M HERE. I GOT NAKED JUST TO SUPPORT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO. - I DIDN'T WANT TO GET NAKED.

- NO. THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.

IT'S YOUR IDEA, COME ON. - I'M VERY RELAXED.

- JACQUELINE-- OH, I--

- JACQUELINE, GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.

- JOYCE. - I KNOW.

- JOYCE, GET IN THE WATER. - JOYCE.

- I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE FACT

THAT JOYCE INVITED ME TO THE HOTTEST PLACE ON EARTH

WHERE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

GET IN THE [bleep]ING POOL.

- I'M WAITING FOR THE HOSTESS

TO GET IN THE POOL.

- I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE POOL.

- OKAY, THIS IS YOUR POOL PARTY.

WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING UP AND JUMPING IN?

MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR HAIR WET,

YOUR MAKEUP IS GONNA RUN.

WHAT--WHY ARE YOU NOT PARTICIPATING HERE?

- COME ON, GET IN. - I DON'T WANNA GET IN, BABE.

- WHY? YOU'RE LIKE MISS AMERICA, LIKE, SITUATION.

YOU'RE FINE, YOU'RE HALF THE SIZE OF ALL OF US.

- I'M NOT EMBARRASSED OF GETTING IN.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE WATER.

I'LL GET IN IF I WANT TO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET IN.

- BUT IT'S YOUR POOL PARTY.

- WHY ARE YOU PRESSURING ME TO GO IN?

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN? - BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY--

NEXT WEEK IS MY PARTY, AND I WILL LEAD MY PARTY.

THIS IS YOUR PARTY. YOU'RE LEADING YOUR PARTY.

[chuckles] - I WANT TO LAY HERE.

- I THINK WE'RE TOO OLD FOR PEER PRESSURE.

- YEAH, I'M VERY RELAXED.

- WE'RE TOO OLD FOR PEER PRESSURE.

- PLEASE DON'T SAY "PEER PRESSURE."

- DON'T SAY WHAT? - DON'T SAY "PEER PRESSURE."

THIS IS NOT BLOODY PEER PRESSURE.

- TITS ON AN ANT.

- LET'S ALL GO SWIMMING.

- OKAY.

[overlapping chatter]

- YOU'RE NOT GOING. - I'M GOING.

- THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE-- YOU'RE GOING?

- I'M GOING. WHY NOT?

- AND I'LL BE LEFT ON MY OWN HERE?

- [cheering]

- LISA. - PINKY. PINKY.

[coughs] - OKAY, DARLING.

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- HER WATCH. GRAB HER WATCH.

- I DON'T WANT MY WATCH IN THE WATER.

- OKAY, I KNOW YOUR TRICK.

- NO, I'M NOT TAKING YOUR HAND.

NO. - OH, MY GOD!

I'LL GO OVER HERE. - YOU GAVE HER AN IDEA.

- OKAY. NO, I KNOW.

YOU WERE JUST GONNA PULL ME IN.

- THAT'S YOUR TRICK. - I KNOW.

- I WILL SHOW THE HOSTESS

HOW TO SWIM AND HOW TO GET IN THE POOL.

- SO, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW THAT I CANNOT SWIM?

I KID YOU NOT. - LET ME TEACH YOU.

- I CAN'T SWIM. - YOU'RE A BLACK PERSON.

- DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?

- [coughs]

- DID YOU SAY, YOU'RE A WHAT? A BLACK PERSON?

- IT WAS A JOKE, AND MY BLACK FRIENDS

WOULD HAVE LAUGHED CRAZY 'CAUSE THEY DON'T GO

IN THE POOL, BECAUSE THEY WILL GET

THEIR WEAVE [bleep] UP.

ALL MY BLACK FRIENDS CAN'T SWIM.

- [laughs] WHAT DID-- - IS THAT BAD?

- YES, I'M BLACK. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I AM BLACK. PUERTO RICANS ARE BLACK,

THEY'RE INDIAN, AND THEY'RE SPANISH.

SO I AM A MIX OF THREE CULTURES,

AND I'M VERY PROUD TO REPRESENT ALL THREE.

- OH, COME THEN. LET'S GO.

- I'M NOT GETTING A VERY GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.

NO BUENO. NO BUENO.

- COMING UP...

- I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU GUYS.

- JACQUELINE'S SHARING-- SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.

- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.

- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.

- OH, GOD, I WISH THERE WAS ROOM SERVICE.

A CUP OF TEA?

- YEAH. - WHO CAN WE GET?

BRANDI.

SEE IF WE CAN GET BRANDI ON THE RUN TODAY.

SHE ALREADY DID THE GLASS OF WINE.

SHOULD I CALL HER ROOM AND SAY,

"CAN I HAVE A CUP OF TEA?"

IS THERE A PHONE? COULDN'T WE WIND HER UP?

- B! - ASK HER FOR A CUP OF TEA.

- B!

B!

WELL, THIS IS PRETTY, ISN'T IT?

IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD HERE.

I MEAN, THERE'S PROBABLY LOTS OF SNAKES.

RIGHT? - I KNOW.

THERE'S PROBABLY A LOT OF EVERYTHING UP THERE.

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE WILD TERRAINS.

PROBABLY COYOTES AND ALL KINDS OF STUFF UP THERE.

- IT'S THE PERFECT LOCATION TO BRING A BUNCH OF GIRLFRIENDS.

- RIGHT, WHO CAN WE DUMP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?

- THAT'S CRAZY.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- HELLO.

HI. GOOD EVENING.

HOW ARE YOU? I'M JOYCE.

- I JUST WASHED MY HANDS. - IT'S ALL GOOD.

IT'S ALL GOOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HI. - YEAH, I'M HENG.

- HELLO, CHEF. VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

THANK YOU FOR COOKING ALL OF THIS WONDERFUL STUFF FOR US.

- OH, MY PLEASURE. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU'RE WELCOME. - I WANT TO BE A GOOD HOST

AND GET PAST BRANDI'S RACIAL REMARKS

AND ALL OF THIS NEGATIVE STUFF

THAT'S SUDDENLY COMING OUT OF THE BLUE

AND JUST HAVE A FUN, GOOD DINNER.

I-I REALLY HOPE FOR THAT.

CAN I STEAL ONE?

- I FINISHED FOR YOU.

HOW'S IT, RIGHT? - MM.

MM. AMAZING.

[both laugh] - GO ON.

GET YOUR LITTLE DUTCH BOTTOM UP THOSE STAIRS.

- IS THERE ANY SEATING PLAN YOU HAVE IN MIND?

- NO, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT? WHEREVER YOU LIKE.

- WHEREVER YOU LIKE. - WHEREVER YOU LIKE.

- WELL, YOU'RE THE HOSTESS... - IT'S VERY FREE.

- OF THE MOSTEST. - I'LL SIT HERE.

- I'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE GROUND.

- WHERE AM I?

ANYWHERE?

OH, GOSH. OKAY, GONNA BEHAVE YOURSELF?

- LADIES, THE FIRST LITTLE THING

IS AN AMUSE-BOUCHE.

IT IS A CEVICHE.

- THANK YOU. - IS THAT ALCOHOL OR FOOD?

[laughter]

IS THIS A SOUP OR A DRINK?

- THANK YOU FOR INVITING US.

- YOU ARE SO WELCOME. I'M GLAD YOU COULD COME.

all: CHEERS.

- SO YOU'RE GOING SKINNY-DIPPING, ARE YOU?

- I AM. WHY NOT?

- IS IT ALL SORTED OUT DOWN THERE?

YOU READY TO GO? - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

"ALL SORTED OUT?" - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? - SHE'S ALWAYS READY.

- I DON'T KNOW. - HOLD ON, LET ME CHECK.

ARE YOU READY TO GO?

- LET ME HAVE A LOOK. - YES, I AM.

[laughter]

- JACQUELINE, TELL US WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO.

HALF THE TIME, WHEN I CALL JOYCE "JACQUELINE,"

IT IS GOD-HONEST A ACCIDENT.

- SHE CALLS HER JACQUELINE AGAIN.

- I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

IT'S JUST--IT'S JUST-- I FEEL LIKE

SHE'S A LATINA, JACQUELINA.

THE OTHER HALF OF THE TIME, I DO IT TO ANNOY HER

BECAUSE I FIND HER ANNOYING.

- BUT JACQUELINE'S NOT A LATINA NAME.

- IT'S MORE SO THAN "YOYCE."

- ACTUALLY, "YOYCE," I REALLY HATE.

DON'T SAY "YOYCE," BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,

THEY WOULD SAY "HOY-SE." - WHAT IS THAT?

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - WHAT THEY SAY TO HORSES.

SO THEY WOULD GO, "HOY-SE, BRR."

SO THEY BULLIED ME A LOT IN SCHOOL FOR THAT GROWING UP.

- GIRL, THAT WORD IS AGGRESSIVE.

CALLING YOU THE WRONG NAME IS NOT BULLYING.

IT'S TEASING. IT'S BEING BITCHY.

- I WAS "OLIVE OYL." I WAS--IT WAS EVERYTHING.

- I GOT OLIVE OYL A LOT-- I GOT, LIKE, I COULD--

"I COULD ICE SKATE ON YOUR CHEST."

- I WANT TO BE OLIVE OYL. - I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK IT'S BULLYING.

- I'M JUST TRYING TO REMAIN A LADY,

AND TRYING TO NOT GET UP AND LOSE MY TEMPER.

- IT'S A BIG WORD.

- FOR YOU TO SAY, "OH, I WAS BULLIED

ABOUT MY NAME," JUST THEN AND THERE,

WHICH YOU DID SAY.

- I SAID I WAS BULLIED IN HIGH SCHOOL.

- YEAH, BUT YOU STILL REFERRED TO IT AS HER CALLING YOU--

- NO, I SAID I DON'T APPRECIATE GETTING BACK TO THAT MOMENT.

- YOU SAID IT WAS BULLYING.

- SO IF SOMEBODY CALLS ME THAT,

IT TAKES ME BACK TO THAT MOMENT.

[overlapping chatter]

OKAY, CONTINUE. - OH, IT'S OKAY.

YOU CARRY ON, IT'S FINE. - CONTINUE.

- IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE. - WHAT'S YOUR POINT? TELL ME.

- DON'T--SHE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING...

- OKAY, TELL ME. - AND YOU'RE INTERRUPTING TWICE.

- IF SOMEONE'S CALLING YOU JENNIFER ALL NIGHT,

YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT. - I GET IT. I GET THAT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - I'M SAYING--

- WELL... - [sighs]

NEVERMIND.

- WHAT?

- BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF.

- BUT WHAT'S SHE'S SAYING IS SHE'S CALLING HER

THE WRONG NAME.

- I GET IT, AND SHE SHOULDN'T.

- AND THE NAME SHE'S CALLING HER, SHE WAS BULLIED.

- WE ALL AGREE ON THAT. - I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.

- BUT WE ALL AGREED, SO-- - I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.

- KIM, I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT BETTER.

- I JUST-- I JUST ASKED THE QUESTION.

LISA PUTS ME TO THE SIDE LIKE, "SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH."

I CAN BE EVERYBODY'S FRIEND.

I CAN BE BRANDI'S FRIEND

AND I CAN BE JOYCE'S FRIEND,

AND I CAN POINT OUT THE TRUTHS FOR EVERYBODY

AND NOT TAKE SIDES.

THAT'S BEING A GOOD FRIEND.

- SHE'S USING THE WRONG NAME. LET'S LEAVE IT ALONE.

- LET'S LEAVE WHAT ALONE?

- [sighs] OH, NEVERMIND.

- I'M ASKING THE QUESTION. - THE BULLYING WORD.

- BUT THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID HAPPENED

WHEN SHE GOT CALLED THE WRONG NAME.

THAT'S THE NAME SHE GOT CALLED IN SCHOOL.

THAT'S WHY SHE'S-- - YEAH.

OKAY.

[upbeat music]

♪♪ ♪♪

- THIS IS THE OVEN-ROASTED FILET

ALONG WITH GRAND MARNIER SHRIMP.

THEN THERE IS THE MALAYSIAN STICKY RICE AND ASPARAGUS.

- WAIT, I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU GUYS.

- JACQUELINE'S SHARING-- SHARING SOMETHING WITH US.

- I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOU WHEN YOU CALL ME JACQUELINE.

- [gasps] OH, MY GOD.

I'M GETTING DRUNK-ISH. OKAY.

- DRUNK-ISH. - DRUNK-ISH.

- CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER? CAN WE HAVE SOME WATER HERE?

HERE, DRINK--HAVE SOME WATER. - NO, NO, NO, I KNOW.

WHO NEEDS WATER?

- I CAN ALREADY SEE BRANDI GOING TO THE DARK SIDE.

HER VOICE HAS GONE UP A FEW OCTAVES.

SHE'S STARTING TO SWAY A LITTLE.

LITTLE MEAN COMMENTS COMING OUT.

HERE WE GO.

- I WANT TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU.

I DID THIS SHOW, AND I'M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED.

IT'S CALLED SIBERIA, AND I'M THE LEAD,

SO I WANT YOU GUYS TO WATCH IT.

- ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION--

ISN'T THERE AN EXPRESSION, "SENDING YOU TO SIBERIA?"

- CAN YOU FIX MY-- I HAVE A WEAVE.

I'M TAKING THE WEAVE OUT. LET'S JUST CALL IT--

- NO, NO, NO. DON'T MESS IT UP.

- JUST TAKING THE WEAVE OUT.

- NO, DON'T DO-- NO, WE CAN'T DO THAT.

- I DON'T KNOW IF THESE GIRLS ARE JUST JEALOUS,

DON'T LIKE HER, SO THEY'RE NOT EXCITED FOR HER.

BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, IT WASN'T VERY NICE.

- NO, DON'T-- NO, WE CAN'T TAKE IT OUT.

[overlapping chatter]

- TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SHOW.

YOU'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA. - WE'RE STUCK IN SIBERIA.

- AND YOU'RE THE FEMALE LEAD.

- SIBERIA? HONEY, I THINK YOU'RE THERE ALREADY.

[laughs] - I LOVE IT.

- JACQUELINE, I THINK THAT YOU'RE THE--

THE HOST OF THE EVENING. - OH, MY GOD.

- [laughs] - SHE...

- JOYCE. - SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A JOYCE.

JOYCE IS A BIG, FAT PIG. - [laughs]

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT. - I CAN SAY THAT.

- EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE A BIG, FAT PIG, I LIKE IT.

- IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A BIG, FAT PIG.

IT SOUNDS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL...

- I LOVE MY NAME. - WHO IS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS,

WHOSE NAME MEANS JOY AND HAPPINESS.

- I DON'T LIKE BRANDI. I MEAN--

- SO CHANGE YOUR NAME.

CHANGE YOUR NAME, BUT I LIKE JOYCE.

- OH, GO [bleep] YOURSELF.

- I LIKE MY NAME. - [laughs]

- I LOVE MY NAME.

IT'S JUST ALL BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

AND I'M STILL TRYING TO KEEP MY COOL,

AND I'M STILL TRYING TO BE A LADY,

AND I'M STILL TRYING TO NOT REACT TO HER ATTACKS,

BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL ATTACKS FOR NO REASON.

- WITH ALL YOUR BABIES? - MM-HMM?

- IS THERE A PROBLEM, KYLE?

YOU SHOOK YOUR HEAD, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.

- YOU DID. SHE SAW IT TOO.

- YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION AT SOME POINT.

AND A GROUP OF PEOPLE, IT'S NOT THE PLACE,

AS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW.

- THIS IS AN AWKWARD MOMENT FOR ME.

IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE WITH KYLE

BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LISA?

- SHE'S PHONY, AND THAT SHE'S A FAKE,

AND THAT SHE'S PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT KIM

TO LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY,

AND THAT SHE DOESN'T GIVE A [bleep] ABOUT KIM.

- YOU'RE A LIAR. PLEASE.

- YOLANDA, YOU ARE A LIAR. - COME ON.

WE KEEP BRUSHING ALL THIS [bleep]

UNDER THE CARPET AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAY,

AND IT'S NOT. - IT'S TRUE.

- WE HAVE VERY DIFFERENT RECOLLECTIONS

OF WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT,

AND I THINK THE ONLY WAY TO MOVE FORWARD

IS TO SAY THAT WE AGREE TO DISAGREE.

- AS AN OLDER LADY,

IF SOMEBODY'S COMING TO YOU AND SAYING,

"LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE," AGREE TO DISAGREE.

I DO THAT.

- TO ME, RESPECT AND FRIENDSHIP

IS EARNED OVER TIME,

AND I KIND OF LOST THAT WITH YOU...

- LIKEWISE. - BUT I'M TOTALLY WILLING--YEAH.

- LIKEWISE. - YEAH.

- I'M JUST GONNA SAY THIS, 'CAUSE NONE OF US

WERE THERE EXCEPT FOR YOU TWO.

- AND KIM, AND GOD. - AND KIM.

- KIM AND I KNOW THAT WE DID NOT JUST INVENT

THAT STORY OUT OF THIN AIR.

IT'S EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU KNOW

THAT YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH.

- CLEARLY, I BELIEVE YOLANDA.

- CLEARLY. - AND--YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.

NO, I'M--

- AND KIM BELIEVES KYLE. - I'M A GIRL'S GIRL.

I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN, AND, YOU KNOW--

- HEY, I-I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO.

I HAVE ALL DAUGHTERS. - WELL, I'M NOT--

I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW.

I-I'M TRYING TO TALK, BUT IF YOU WANT TO, GO AHEAD.

- AREN'T WE TALKING TO EACH OTHER?

- NO, I'M-- I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING,

AND THEN YOU SAY, "AH, I'M A WOMAN'S WOMAN TOO."

- WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION, YOLANDA.

- I'M TRYING TO TALK.

- AREN'T WE TALKING TO EACH OTHER?

AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?

- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.

I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

- NO, WE'RE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION. - OKAY.

- OKAY, THERE WE GO. - YEP.

- COMING UP...

- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.

YOU BOTH TALK. - WAIT, SWEETHEART.

DON'T GET INVOLVED.

- I'M TRYING TO TALK.

- AREN'T WE TALKING TO EACH OTHER?

AREN'T WE HAVING A CONVERSATION?

- NO. YOU'RE TALKING AT ME.

I'M TRYING TO, LIKE, ANSWER TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

- NO, WE'RE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION. - OKAY.

- OKAY, THERE WE GO. - YEP.

- NO MATTER WHAT I DO,

YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS GONNA SIDE, BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM.

- THAT IS NOT TRUE. - NO, IT'S NOT.

- YOU'RE A GANG. - WE'RE NOT A TEAM.

- I GET IT. - SWEETHEART.

- NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS-- - IF WE WANTED TO HURT YOU,

WE COULD GO THERE.

- AND WE DON'T DO-- WE'RE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

- NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU CANNOT SAY THAT.

- GIRLS, YOU'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION.

YOU BOTH TALK. - SHH.

WAIT, SWEETHEART, DON'T GET INVOLVED.

- SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER,

SO SHE CAN'T BE SHUSHING ME AT MY DINNER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "DON'T GET INVOLVED"?

- DON'T GET INVOLVED-- NO, BECAUSE YOU AND I,

WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION. - YEAH.

SO THEY CAN GET INVOLVED, BUT SHE CAN'T?

- SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE STORY. SHE WASN'T THERE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHE'S MY FRIEND.

SHE'S--WE'RE HERE TOGETHER. - SHE WASN'T THERE.

SHE DOESN'T GET INVOLVED.

- SO THEY CAN JUMP IN,

BUT SHE CAN'T? - SHE WASN'T THERE.

SIT BACK, JUST LISTEN FOR A LITTLE BIT

BEFORE YOU START GIVING YOUR OPINION

AND RUBBING PEOPLE THE WRONG WAY.

YOU BOTH WEREN'T THERE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- NO. OKAY, OKAY.

- IT'S NOT FAIR, SAYING, "YOU'RE A TEAM,"

LIKE WE'RE A PATHETIC LITTLE HIGH SCHOOL TEAM.

- NO, THAT WAS AFTER-- AFTER THEY STARTED...

- NO, NO, DON'T-- - ACTING LIKE THAT.

LISA IS 100% PART OF THE LISA, BRANDI, AND YOLANDA TEAM.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT,

BECAUSE IT LOOKS CHILDISH TO BE PART OF A TEAM,

BUT THAT'S A FACT.

- I'M NOT JUMPING ON THAT,

SAYING I AGREE WITH YOLANDA.

I WAS BEING IMPARTIAL, SO YOU AGREE TO DISAGREE.

- WHY DON'T WE ALL JUST BE ADULTS HERE,

BE HONEST, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH?

- IT'S HARD, BECAUSE YOU SEEM SO SWEET,

AND THEN YOU BECOME THIS CRAZY [bleep]HOLE.

- EXCUSE ME?

- NEXT TIME ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- WHEN HAVE I BEEN A CRAZY [bleep]HOLE TO YOU?

I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU.

- NO, I'M SAYING TONIGHT, YOU'RE BEING--TO YOLANDA.

YOU COME AFTER HER, YOU COME AFTER ME.

- GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

GIVE IT TO ME NOW. YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT.

- OH, MY GOD. IT GOES SO HIGH.

- OH, [bleep], GET OUT! I'M SORRY.

- WHAT HAPPENED? - IT WAS RIGHT UP MY BUTT.

- WHAT IS KIM DOING PRAYING IN THE CORNER?

- NEXT TO THE TRASH CAN? [laughs]

- IS SHE PRAYING THAT THE BIN SHOULD BE EMPTIED?

- WHATEVER.

- BRANDI IS A TURN-ON,

AND I LIKE HER A LOT.

- WHAT THE [bleep]? "THE COPS JUST LEFT."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - YOUR HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO.

- WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[sighs]

IT'S NOT A [bleep] COMPETITION, JOYCE.

- I DON'T WANT THIS RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO GIVE YOU A HUG. - OKAY, I GET THAT.

YOU'RE LOVELY, BUT THE WORLD IS NOT A COMPETITION.

[crying]

THIS IS NOT OKAY.

THIS IS NOT--

[cries]

- TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,

GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.