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KIRILL RUMIANTSEV

Kirill Rumiantsev

born on nineteen ninety-two

Fraud, gigolo, ladies, if you meet him

don't fall for his tricks.

Be careful.

ANGELICA

Lika, I gotta show you something important.

Okay but fast.

But you better sit in case of...

- In case of what? - Just sit down.

No way.

- Is that our stash? - Yes.

- The stash we made in third grade? - In third grade.

- Where did you get it? - A balcony at my parents house is like

a Swiss bank. It'd been safe for 12 years.

Do it.

Oh, snap!

Get out.

Why did you leave?

I got it. You say I'm dumb I'm not.

What did you get?

That you can't hook up with other girls?

Boy Wonder, congrats.

- Asshole! - Kristina!

- Kristina, who's that? - Who is he?

- Yes. - The reason I left Moscow.

And this bloodsucker got his ass here.

My feisty one, I love you.

I'm not falling for that.

Get off to Moscow! You're loudmouth

- and an unreliable mommy boy. - You're not saint too!

But I still love you and not leaving alone.

Hey you! Did you hear what Kristina said?

Or should I borrow you my hearing aid?

Okay, grandpa.

Relax. Put the rifle down.

Get your stuff and let's go!

Or should I shot you in your ass?

I'm fine, thanks.

I'll prove to you I've changed.

Grandpa, relax! My life is not insured.

Why are you scaring people with your toy?

- Saratov shooter. - Voroshilov Sharpshooter.

- What's up, lady? - Idiot, that's my mom!

- Grandpa, end him! - I will, Kristina.

Go home! And you too!

- Now! - Kris.

Kris, I'm waiting in a car.

Shit, let's leave this

loony bin.

I've been writing this essay all night.

I didn't even go to an opening club party.

What a sacrifice but

it won't cover 40 percent of no-show.

- We're done. - Will you take mine?

- Look how I printed it, do you like it? - I do

but you gotta the name, at least.

Divorcee thinks too much of herself.

We gotta do something.

Something smart, foxy and despicable.

Look, these are out essay notebooks.

- Who will I become, remember? - Yes.

- We got D's for it. - Yeah and Tamara Petrovna said

our dreams were crap. Don't you find it weird how

language teacher uses the word crap?

To spite her let's make

our fantasies come true.

- Okay, but men first. - Go for it.

You gotta tell me everything.

Not for me, for a girl Kirill is fooling.

So how did you meet?

Well, first

he was so romantic.

He was so cool, friendly, smiley.

So we got married.

Divorced a year later.

I was tired of working alone. He was

always at home telling stories.

After a divorce he got half of a flat

and money after selling a car my parents gifted.

No way. What a jerk. Olia,

you gotta help me.

He's doing the same with my girlfriend.

I don't owe you anything.

I have so many debts because of Kirill.

Gotta live infinity to pay off all debts.

I feel you. I'm close

to singing in a subway.

And I got fired.

I gotta go. I got off from work for it.

No, wait. Just a minute.

- Hi, lazy head. - Hi, I need money. Could you borrow?

- I'll explain later. - Bro, I'm broke but

there's a job. Commercial, twenty, tonight.

- Okay. - Let me send you a number.

It's okay. I can help you.

- I'll call you, okay? - Okay.

Hey, are you immortal?

Grandpa, relax. I have

a shovel and a bad upbringing.

- Let's see. - Okay, grandpa, don't waste your ammo.

He's a sissy. Five minutes and he runs

into a car with AC.

Fancy pants!

Come on.

We came here to eliminate the parasite

from our university.

Nasty parasite that trickles its disgust

- into our tight-knit faculty. - Yeah.

The enemy is strong

so we need heavy artillery.

That's it. Burdukovskaya,

do you want our university to flourish?

- Yeah? - And nasty professors

to leave their ex husbands

to good students?

What does it have to do with me?

Burdukovskaya, try thinking outside a class.

These lonely divorcees are so dangerous.

- I know it. - You do.

What? I've heard such thing.

Burdukovskaya, you'll help not only us

you'll get Roman Alexeevich out of trouble.

Get him out of the vile, lustful trouble

in a nice skirt.

Alright, I'm in.

Today this divorcee has an open lesson.

Rector will be there.

Do you get the plan?

It came true. I'm Michelangelo.

Rib, my rib.

Got hit twice for this essay,

first was for getting D.

My dreams came true, now it's your turn.

Lika Vershinina's essay on

- who I'll become. - Okay.

When I grow up I'll be skinny and pretty like my mom... That's not fair.

It'd already came true.

Become a police officer to get into stores

and confiscate candies and eat them.

Is it time to make little

chubby girl's dream come true?

Hey, you!

- Can you help an old man? - Easy.

- What am I gotta do? - You need to comb the chickens.

- Do you comb them? - Sure.

Sure, imagine what happens

if don't comb them.

They got fleas who bite them.

They cry all night long, we can't sleep.

And then they die.

From lack of sleep.

We gotta do little coffins to bury them.

Kristina, why are explaining?

- Fancy pants surely won't do it. - Enough!

I'm chickens combing worldwide champion.

No way, city boy is a dummy.

Let's ask him to massage our cows.

- So they get us more milk. - Mom.

Look!

He did fell for you if he's still here.

The topic of today's open lesson

is human rights and how to protect them

by mass media.

So, the rights of the first generation

have been implemented for more than

200 years. They were recorded in the French

Declaration of the Rights of Man

and of the Citizen.

- The emergence of the concept itself... - What...

Is this pornography?

I thought I was old school

and don't get new methods of teaching.

Listen, are your classes always like that?

Yes. Zhanna Fedorovna

brings new pictures every time.

They're never the same.

Zhanna Fedorovna, excuse me.

- Yes? - Could you stop this outrage?

Pardon?

God, that's some sort of a mistake.

No, I do understand that

such pictured draw attention

better than diagrams do.

I see students are into

topics Zhanna Fedorovna

was covering during the whole week.

- Stay here and watch. - Remember?

Dream was to confiscate candies, not buy them.

I wasn't going to. Police officers don't earn much. I'm going.

Okay.

Here's a script, read it,

we start in a couple of minutes.

Is that a diarrhea pills commercial?

Yes, I hope you're familiar with a problem.

- Come on, honey. - Should I do a hair loss

shampoo commercial or

potency drugs?

Hi, man! Why are you calling my girlfriend?

None of your business. Get Lika the phone.

I don't allow her to talk to you anymore.

Sorry, my manners.

Forgot to ask. How are you? How's your job?

Dickhead.

Stop! I'm a police officer.

So these candies

were found at criminal scene.

And I'm confiscating them.

- For examination. - What?

Wanna become an accomplice?

Security, the police officer stole candies.

- Stop! - Leave her!

Everything's under control.

- I remember you face. - And I do.

Right of the citizen

is when you have right to do something

and not end up in jail

or got whacked.

Your third student speaks like a prisoner!

Let's not jump to conclusions

and ask

the best student

Zhenya Burdukovskaya. Evgenia,

tell us about a legislative act.

Mass media law in particular.

That's the topic

Zhanna Fedorovna covered yesterday.

If a hack writes a puff piece

about you, like blow you off

you can make it right in a court

like get it smooth.

You can even get some cash.

What a crap!

- Zhanna Fedorovna said so - Did I?

- I learned everything. - Let me see.

We wrote it down as she said.

Okay, if

If a hack writes a puff piece

about you, like blow you off...

I think I get it. It's just a

- someone's cruel joke. - Probably mine.

I am

very sorry to you for

incompetent teaching of Zhanna Fedorovna.

Class is dismissed, my friends.

I'll see soon.

Hi.

I just saw Margarita Sergeevna, she looks

so happy like she just won an Oscar.

I guess, a lesson didn't go well.

Not really.

I'll get fired but that's okay.

I don't work in a publishing house anymore.

And I have nowhere to go.

Zhanna.

You ate lunch and you have diarrhea now?

That's okay! Take Stop diarrhea extra!

New orange taste!

Stop! Cut! Great take.

You were born for this commercial.

That's your fee.

Thank for not paying with the product.

- Hello? - Olia,

tonight, I got money.

Kristina, I'm off to feed rabbits,

and you bring some water, okay?

Let me help you. I'm done here. Okay?

Okay, help hands!

Not bad, grandpa!

How could you?

I feel for smart, kind, honest Jhenia

who would never...

I'll sleep alone tonight.

Dima, hi.

Can I stay at your place tonight?

You, dumb idiot!

This one was a must!

We got potatoes for a bottle. I once even

got a cart of manure for a single bottle.

You're dumb idiot!

- Grandpa, sorry, I just wanted to help! - You did!

I'll shoot you in a split second!

Get in the car and get off!

Grandpa, stop or you gotta shoot us both!

Do you wanna dig two holes? Your back

- is aching. - Grandpa,

Let me buy the one with guarantee online.

They'll deliver it here.

What are you saying? That was handmade.

No one can make it.

Dumb idiot, no one can do it.

Let's go back. It's not far. We'll be there

in the morning. I won't make it here.

The fact that I stood up for you

does not mean that I forgive you. Clear?

Asshole! Go clean the mess!

Grandpa!

Do you know our stash contains

one more little stash?

Wait! Don't read it.

Do it.

I wanna marry Kirill Rumiantsev

because he's handsome and kind?

So, registry office closes at 4 pm.

We should hurry, right?

It's like we got back in time

when we were in love

and it was easy, no problems.

I wish it would always be like that.

- Hi, Lika. - Hi.

That's Olia. She gotta tell you something.

Lika, are you sure that letting random

people here is a good idea?

So is your ex wife a random person for you?

Yes, he's my ex husband.

Kirill Rumianov.

Rumiantsev, don't worry. Say it as it is.

He's a fraud.

We got married a couple of months ago.

I mean a couple of years ago.

Yes, a couple of years.

- And he dumped you. - He did.

- He stole your money, apartment. - Yes.

I mean no.

No, I don't even know him.

I can't frame him.

Take it back. I'm an actress, wanted money

but I can't frame anyone. I'm sorry.

That's quite uncomfortable.

Lika, they set this whole thing up.

She told me everything and now...

You're such a fool.

We can stay here if you want.

I'll build us home.

At night

I'll be playing music in local places

and combing the chickens during the day.

Hi, my chick.

Gosha, 40 years old, racketeer.

They still exist.

Hi. I'm glad your grandpa called,

told me my babe came back.

You ate lunch and you have diarrhea now?

That's okay! Take Stop diarrhea extra!

New orange taste.

- Hello? - I thought you were a good competition

and you shitted yourself twice a day.

By the way, Ulia is really an actress

and a good friend of mine.

But don't worry, take Stop diarrhea extra!

I heard it works.

And remember

you think I've already done it.

I'm one stop ahead of you.

So don't bark if you can't bite.

You'll get your teeth broken.