Original subtitles

How was it?

Um, I can't really see

the color under the orange lighting in this store,

so can I look at it outside?

Of course. Please go ahead.

Thank you.

Go ahead.

-Thank you. -Sorry about our lighting.

-Nice. -What should I do?

Do you want to look at it under the sunlight?

-Thank you. -Sure.

-Yes, nice. -Yeah.

-It's a nice color. -Yeah, it's pretty.

Should I get it?

Thank you for waiting. Here's your hot coffee.

Thank you.

I'll take the empty plates.

-Thank you. -Enjoy.

What are your plans for the end of the year, Ms. Ayana?

Are you going back to your family?

Yeah, I'm planning to.

-You're from Toyama? -Yeah.

-And you, Wachi? -I'm from Saitama.

-Will you be visiting? -Yeah.

Well, I guess it doesn't feel that special because I can go home anytime.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Oh yeah,

I wanted to ask you something. On Christmas--

No need to bring that up, Mr. Joe.

-Let's get the female perspective. -No, there's no need!

-Fine. -Okay.

What do you think about working on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve?

Wachi says,

"I have a girlfriend, but it's fine. I'll pick up a shift."

Even though I told him otherwise.

Mr. Joe, you just know how to think from a female's perspective.

I want to spend Christmas Eve with the person I love. I don't want to work.

But someone has to work, right?

But it doesn't have to be me.

This is the opposite of a typical situation.

Usually employees want to take the day off and managers want them to work.

Which type are you, Ms. Ayana?

I think I'm the same as you, Wachi.

See?

Places get crowded on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

It's better to just enjoy a day off on a different day.

That's exactly right.

And plus, we're in the customer service industry.

Then will you be working at the store on Christmas Eve?

No, I'm taking a day off.

-What? -Huh?

-You're taking a day off? -Wait.

-Huh? -Wait, listen.

I'm with someone who thinks just like you, Mr. Joe.

Oh, your boyfriend is the type that's big on anniversaries.

-Yeah. -That's lovely.

So I'm taking a day off, to spend the day with him.

Are you going somewhere on Christmas?

We're planning to go buy a chair.

-A chair? -Yes.

I want a chic chair.

A chair, huh? I see.

That's lovely.

A chair on Christmas, huh?

Did you just say "Chair-y Christmas"?

Why would I say such a lame joke?

Chair-y Christmas is so lame.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

-Hello. -Hello.

Thanks for taking time to see me today.

No problem at all.

-Give me one second. -Okay.

Thanks for agreeing to the talk show event after the New Year. Did you see my email?

Sorry for not replying. Yes, I read it.

I'm glad.

-Here. -Thank you.

AYANA TSUCHIDA TALK SHOW AND SIGNING EVENT

So, what did you want to talk about?

It's regarding the current novel I'm working on.

I'm hesitant about whether I should continue with this any further.

Why is that?

Did Mr. Yamada say something?

No, it's not like that.

Well, a character in this story displays feelings of "envy."

But I'm starting to feel

that it's wrong to display feelings of envy

towards Kozue, who is alloromantic asexual.

Well, I can understand that.

Were you thinking the same way too?

The main character's friend, Kozue, is alloace.

She experiences romantic feelings towards others,

but not sexual feelings.

Therefore, she'll most likely never experience

how a relationship changes,

or sometimes even ends

as a result of having sex.

Yes.

And the main character is envious of that, right?

Yes.

But the main character has a choice,

whether to engage in sex or not.

And so being envious of Kozue

who feels no sexual desire towards anyone

just feels wrong to me somehow.

That did bother me a little too.

It feels like we're missing something.

By the way,

what were you envious of, Ms. Tsuchida?

What?

This character, Kozue, is based on your friend from back in college, right?

Yes.

What made you envious of that person?

There were two things.

One is exactly what you just mentioned, Ms. Tada.

I think I fall in love with people

more easily than others.

That's true both sexually and non-sexually.

But my friend

basically has no desire to sleep with anyone,

so she has never experienced how a relationship can change

by sleeping with someone.

I was envious of that.

What's the other thing?

The other thing is…

I guess

I admired that friend's genuineness.

-Genuineness? -Yes.

Well, she has a guy who likes her.

She's really trying her best to take his feelings for her seriously.

But as for me,

I haven't been able to do that.

So that's why I'm envious of her.

But in this case,

it has nothing to do with the fact that she's alloace.

I think

it's more of my admiration towards her personality.

Maybe that's what it is.

What?

That's what's missing right now.

What do you mean?

Well, this is something really obvious,

but everyone is different in their own way.

Not all alloace are the same.

So instead of making her character portray and represent all alloace,

it would be better if you

portray Kozue as an individual in a way that shows what kind of person she is.

When depicting sexual minorities,

there's a tendency to focus solely

on their romantic relationships or sexual orientation.

But for example,

some like cats,

some can't eat butter,

some are impatient,

some prefer to wear bright-colored clothes,

and some like cloudy skies.

There are many factors and components that make up a person.

In fact,

earnestness and genuineness is included in that too.

So when you portray the character Kozue,

I think it would be good to portray her not as a representative of alloace,

but as a human being,

and portray her charm

and details about her

that only you know about.

That helped to clear up my mind a little.

Oh no, they're all cute.

Yeah.

Which one do you like?

I can't decide.

Choose one that you like, Ayana.

Since you're at home longer than I am.

Even though it's your place?

-We can buy two, right? For each house. -Yeah.

I don't know.

-Which should we choose? -I don't know.

-This one is cute too. -Yeah.

Which one should we choose?

Is it all right to have them delivered to these two home addresses?

-Yes. -Yes.

Thank you.

Regarding the estimated delivery,

it will take approximately two months.

The delivery will be around the end of February. Is that all right?

February. Is that all right?

That's fine with me.

-Then yes, thank you. -Thank you.

It's delicious.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

How did you find this place?

-Is this your first time here? -Yeah.

I came here before with people I work with.

-People you work with? -Yeah.

A small wrap party for a hair and makeup job

for a commercial.

Hey,

Merry Christmas.

What is it?

Thank you.

Wow.

They're so cute.

Glad you like them.

I hope you will continue putting up with me.

Same here.

I'm going to put one on.

-Now? -Yeah.

Here.

-Thanks. -Can you see?

Yeah.

-It looks good. -Does it?

Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Just as I had imagined it.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

-They're cute. -Yeah, they're cute.

What are you doing?

Stop taking pictures.

Let me take another one.

You're putting on the other one?

You're awake?

-Good morning. -Good morning.

It smells good.

Are you going to eat?

Maybe I'll eat a boiled egg.

Never mind.

Okay.

-Thank you. -Hm?

-For the coffee. -Sure.

-And for yesterday too. -Sure.

I'm going now, but you can stay and relax.

Okay.

Oh.

Hey.

Would you like to live together?

From this summer.

We could rent a slightly bigger place together.

What?

Maybe in July or August?

The salon's sales have stabilized,

and I've also secured other contracts too.

I see.

-Take time and think about it. -Okay.

-I'm not in a rush. -Okay.

-I'll be off now. -Bye.

It's still early, but can I have a drink?

It's something you can't talk about without drinking, huh?

Meanie.

-Excuse me. -Yes.

-A glass of red wine please. -Okay.

I'll have beer please.

Okay.

Thank you.

You need a drink too, huh?

So, what happened? Did Mr. Tadashi say something to you?

Yeah.

He asked me, "Honestly, what do you think of me?"

Then he said, "I know there's nothing you can do about it."

"I'm sorry, but I'm pretty much at my limit."

-I see. -Yeah.

I think it might be better to let him go.

Or rather,

I think it's better to set him free.

How will you set him free?

For example, I can stop meeting up with him in private.

Will you be okay with that, En?

I don't know.

It's not great, but I think it's the only option.

-But you still like him, right? -Yeah.

You said you can live with him, and even get married to him, right?

Yeah.

You like him, can live with him, and even get married to him,

but you just can't do it with him, right?

You guys aren't going out, right?

Yeah, not going out.

Mr. Tadashi confessed to me,

and I told him that I'm alloromantic asexual,

and he said that was fine.

But I told him that I can't go out with him.

But you meet up with him when he invites you out to eat,

and you guys go watch movies, and go shopping together.

Because it's fun being with him.

I have the most fun with him.

Yeah, I'm not making any sense, huh?

No wonder he's at a loss.

To set someone free, huh?

How about you? If it were you, would you want to be set free?

If I turn him down…

Or rather,

if I tell him to find someone else to be in a relationship with,

and keep my distance from him, will it help Mr. Tadashi?

-Sorry to bother you with this. -Not at all.

What would I prefer?

Not being able to meet up anymore would be more painful for me.

That's how I feel, anyway. I don't know how he feels, though.

I'm perfectly happy with our current relationship.

But I wonder if that's the cruelest thing to do to him.

Why won't you go out with him?

He said he was fine with the fact that you're alloace, right?

In the past,

the person I dated said the same thing at first,

but in the end, he wanted what I couldn't give.

Besides…

Besides, if I don't go out with Mr. Tadashi,

he will be free to fall in love with someone else, right?

I don't want to tie him down.

I want the person I love to be happy.

What is it?

Sorry, I was a little moved.

-Why? -I was thinking that

the worries that arise from genuinely thinking of others, is really meaningful.

I'm just too hopeless.

What about you, Ayana?

Did Mr. Yukio say something to you? You were dying today, right?

Did he propose?

Why would I be dying because of that?

She can live with him, and even get married to him.

But she just can't stand physical intimacy.

Even holding hands and hugging are difficult.

She doesn't even want to imagine

kissing or having sex.

Kozue is about to let go of someone who is very important to her,

solely because she can't stand physical intimacy.

"Even though she might never

find someone like him ever

again."

"Even though she might never find someone like him ever again."

Welcome.

Oh.

Hey.

Are you all right?

What?

You've got the look of despair on your face.

Oh really?

Then maybe you can help me out.

So?

What happened?

Um…

Yuki told me she wants to break up with me.

What?

Yuki had told me

that she was perfectly fine with me working on Christmas,

but it seems she wasn't fine at all.

But why?

Did you ask her why?

Why what?

Why she wants to break up?

She said she has someone else that she likes.

Can I go now? My wife is waiting.

You're leaving?

Thank you so much for lending me an ear today.

Sure. No problem.

Um… well…

don't push yourself too hard. Get plenty of rest. Sleep well

and eat as much as you can.

Call me if you want to take tomorrow off.

Heartbreak can sometimes be more painful than death.

Bye.

Good night.

-Wachi. -Yes?

You've got despair written all over your back too.

Really?

So…

is this person that Yuki likes someone you know?

Well, she didn't tell me who it is.

I see.

Are they going out already?

She said they're not dating,

but they apparently spent Christmas together.

Oh, that's not cool.

She said she hasn't slept with him or anything.

She apparently refused to, saying she wanted to wait until she had properly

broken up with me.

But the fact that she refused means she was in that kind of situation, right?

Why would you say that?

Sorry.

But Yuki is a decent person. She refused to sleep with him, after all.

Yeah, she's a decent person.

Although she's not being decent.

Is this something

I need to give up on?

What would you do, if it was you?

-If it was me? -Yeah.

I don't know.

You don't think you'll be dumped by your current boyfriend?

Yeah, probably not.

How shitty is that?

What?

It's so shitty.

Seriously.

Is it fun being in that relationship?

The other person likes you more,

things are steady, and you have the upper hand.

Is that really fun?

Shouldn't it be more…? How can I explain this…?

Isn't it more fun to be swayed by a little uncertainty and anxiety?

Isn't that what makes romance so exciting?

No?

Do you really like your boyfriend?

Oh, I get it.

You're dating him because he likes you, and he's a good person,

so you just thought, "Well, this person will do."

Knowing he'll always be there. Like air, or like family.

Man, you're living the life.

That must be nice.

I want something like that too.

No, that's a lie.

I'm simply just envious. That's all.

But for a second,

I was annoyed by how you acted like you have the upper hand in the relationship.

-Wachi. -Yes?

Wachi, what do you know about me and my boyfriend?

I don't know anything.

-But-- -Then please stop saying things like that.

Please don't assume that I have the upper hand.

You assume I'm dating someone knowing he won't dump me,

wondering if that kind of romance is fun, and whether he's the right one for me.

You have no right to meddle in my business because it doesn't concern you.

Only my boyfriend and I understand our own situation.

Isn't that right?

You're right.

-But-- -Shut up.

-Sorry. -I'm leaving.

What?

There was

a part of me that was somewhat jealous of Wachi's genuine honesty.

When he asked me, "Is it fun being in that relationship?"

I felt pain for some reason.

Before I knew it, I was walking faster.

I think I did that because I wanted to prevent my tears from falling down.

Hello.

Hello. Ayana? Can you talk right now?

Yeah. What's up?

You're leaving tomorrow to be with your family, right?

Yeah.

You want me to drive you to Tokyo Station? I'm sure you have a lot of luggage.

Maybe we can have lunch together too, if you have time.

Oh, but I'm leaving in the morning.

So it's all right. But thank you.

Okay, got it. Take care.

Sorry. Bye.

Even if

Yukio were to tell me now that he wanted to break up,

I'm sure

I wouldn't be sad at all.

Hello.

And at times like this,

Kotaro always contacts me.

Welcome.

Yo.

Don't "yo" me.

I didn't think you'd come.

-Welcome. -Oolong tea please.

Okay, one oolong tea.

What?

-You're not drinking? -I'm traveling to see my family tomorrow.

What is it?

You want to complain about your girlfriend, right?

Don't act like you know it all.

Then what is it?

Well…

I have something I want to say.

-Nope. -What?

Nope. I can't go out with you Kotaro. I'm sorry.

Hey!

I haven't said anything yet.

Then what is it?

Well…

Stop it, I don't like how you're trying to rush me.

-Here's your oolong tea. -Thank you.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

-Hey. -Yeah?

Remember what we talked about the other day while drinking?

-The other day? -Yeah.

When was that?

Oh, when you said your girlfriend's career is taking off

and she's making more money than you, so it's causing you stress?

Yes, I said that too.

You're so lame. Who cares about things like that?

Yes, after talking about it with you, I did realize that it doesn't matter.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today is…

What is it? Did she dump you?

Huh? What?

-What? -Why do you say that?

Are you serious?

Did you hear it from someone? I haven't told anyone yet.

She dumped you?

That's awesome. Congratulations.

What? What's with that reaction?

I think that's your issue.

What?

Kotaro, don't you have guy friends?

You get dumped by your girlfriend, so you contact the girl that you like.

That's your problem, you know.

Then you shouldn't have come.

Huh?

Why did you come?

If you're going to say that, you shouldn't have come.

Forget it. You're too lame.

I won't get annoyed by words that don't reflect your honest feelings.

Huh? I'm being honest.

Whatever. Let's just go to a hotel.

You want to sleep with me, right?

What?

You know…

I can't go out with you, but if you're okay with that, then let's go.

What's the matter? Did something happen?

You're being weird today, Ayana.

Is that right?

You talk as if we see each other every day even though it's been a long time.

What? Now you're just being plain annoying.

I

thought I still liked you, Ayana.

In fact, I thought I'd always like you.

Sorry, I know you don't care to hear about that.

But when my girlfriend dumped me,

I was actually shaken up

by it.

Is that it? End of story?

All right. Let's finish the food.

What?

What are you sighing about?

I'm the one who should be sighing.

That's right.

That's right, my ass.

Okay, finish that quickly and let's go to a hotel.

What?

We've come this far and you're really not going to do it?

Sorry.

I don't think this is right.

You're so annoying. Seriously, what is it with you?

We're not going to do it, right? Then I'm going to sleep.

Good night.

Don't you have to go back to your boyfriend?

I see.

Ayana.

I just want you to hear me out.

If you fall asleep, you don't have to listen.

Okay, I'm going to start.

I

thought you were someone special

to me.

But

maybe I was wrong.

I arbitrarily made you someone special to me,

and I think that caused you pain.

When someone you don't like

shows you affection, it can put you in a tight spot, huh?

There are times when I'm okay with it all. Or there were.

Whenever

you didn't have a boyfriend,

I was able to hang out with you as a friend again.

But then,

when I heard that you suddenly

started dating someone

you just happened to meet the day before,

I was like, "What the hell?"

I felt like it was unfair, you know.

I thought, "I've liked her for so long,

but why does a guy she just met yesterday get to go out with her so easily?"

I got upset all on my own.

At Christmas,

my girlfriend told me,

"You don't really like me that much, do you?"

And then she broke up with me.

And I was genuinely sad.

Yeah.

That's when I finally realized

that you weren't someone special to me, after all.

So, yeah…

I arbitrarily made you into someone special to me.

I'm sorry about that.

But I still like you.

I'm happy when I get to see you. I always want to see you.

That last sentence ruined everything. Sorry.

I talked too much.

And

there might be some lies mixed in with what I said.

It's sort of…

Yeah?

It's kind of…

Yeah?

What is it?

Never mind. It's nothing.

Don't you want to know?

You don't want to say it, right?

So I won't ask.

I'm going to take a shower.

Taking advantage of.

Being taken advantage of.

Being taken advantage of.

Taking advantage of.

My boyfriend, Yukio.

My senior colleague and novelist, Mr. Yamada.

Kotaro, who has a crush on me.

And En, who is alloromantic asexual.

The word "taking advantage" doesn't feel quite right, though.

I believe there are

two main types of relationships with others.

Those that involve sex and those that don't.

And whether you can talk about important things or not.

Yukio is so kind.

He's so kind,

but why isn't that enough?

There's a void.

That void can't be filled.

Is this void

from loneliness, or something else?

I don't even know what this emptiness is.

Perhaps

it's not something that can be filled by another person.

My thoughts

are still constantly drifting.

I fall in love easily,

but I try not to fall head over heels.

Perhaps that means

I only truly love myself.

This is crazy!

This is crazy!

-Look at this! -What?

Hold on. Just watch.

Isn't it so cool?

It was even better just now.

So stupid.

Look. This is so much fun.

Do you want to try doing it?

Hold on.

What?

What?

What? What's the matter?

Wait…

Um…

What?

What's the matter?

Stop it.

-Use it. -Fine.

Your hands are wet so the tissue is all soggy now.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

-Here. -Hey!

Here.

What are you doing?

I'm really sorry. Hold on.

This is so…

Isn't it amazing?

How do you do it?

I always

tend to overthink things,

when in reality,

it's these kinds of moments

that are perhaps the most precious.

Oh!

No way!

You're so good at it.

Why are you so good at it?

THIS DRAMA IS FICTIONAL

It's not your first time doing this, huh?

Subtitle translation by: Lili Morita