Original subtitles

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND OF TAYLOR'S.

- YES, I AM.

AND NOW I'M A GOOD FRIEND OF YOURS.

CHEERS. - ALL RIGHT.

- I JUST WANT TO SAY...

I LOVE YOU.

- I THOUGHT SHE WAS INTOXICATED WITH SOMETHING.

- OKAY, I'M LOVING THE SUNGLASSES.

- DID YOU KNOW? 25,000.

- INSANE. - THAT'S RIGHT.

- MY EX-HUSBAND GOT REMARRIED ON FRIDAY, WHICH WAS...

- SORRY. MINE GOT MARRIED A MONTH AND A HALF AGO.

- SHE'S LIKE THE A-LIST VERSION

OF WHAT I WENT THROUGH,

WHICH IS, LIKE, THE D-LIST VERSION.

SO I GET THAT FEELING THAT YOU GUYS THINK

I'M, LIKE, A SUPER SLUT, BUT I'M REALLY NOT.

- NO. - I DO NOW.

NOW THAT YOU SAID THAT.

- LIFE IN BEVERLY HILLS IS A GAME,

AND I MAKE THE RULES.

- I'M NOT THE RICHEST GIRL IN BEVERLY HILLS,

BUT I AM THE LUCKIEST.

- PEOPLE TRY TO FIGURE ME OUT,

BUT I'M ONE OF A KIND.

- I FINALLY FOUND MY VOICE,

AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.

- HAVING IT ALL IS EASY

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO WORK FOR IT.

- DIAMONDS AREN'T A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

FREEDOM IS.

- OKAY, PUT THIS LIKE THIS HERE.

DO EXACTLY THE SAME AS ME.

LIKE THIS. HUH?

- [speaks indistinctly]

- YEAH, NO, NO, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU.

'CAUSE I'M GONNA GO, OKAY?

LIKE THIS. OKAY, SO DO THIS.

WHERE'S THE LITTLE, ROUND SPOON?

HEY.

OH, BUKI.

BUKI HASN'T GOT A CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON ANYMORE.

CUP OF TEA?

- A BIT LIKE ME. I'LL DO IT.

AS YOU'RE BUSY COOKING.

LEAST I CAN DO.

- I WONDER HOW THE KIDS' TRIP WENT.

- WHEN DO THEY GET BACK? TONIGHT?

- PANDORA AND JASON HAVE JUST COME BACK FROM NEW YORK CITY,

AND JASON'S PARENTS ARE HERE.

THEY'RE LEAVING TOWN SOON.

SO I'M JUST PREPARING DINNER FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

POTATO SALAD WITH SCALLIONS.

- LOVE THAT.

- TURKEY BACON.

IT'S GONNA BE FANTASTIC.

WHAT, DARLING?

- I'VE COME OVER FOR A TASTE.

- NO, I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET. ONE SECOND.

DO YOUR JOB. YOUR ONLY JOB.

OPEN THE WINE.

AND DON'T PUT THAT DIRTY THING ON MY...

GO... OVER THERE.

SO GOOD.

OKAY, I THINK WE'RE DONE.

- CAN I HAVE MY TASTE NOW?

- MM-HMM. MM. MM.

YOU ARE GONNA LOVE THIS.

MM.

- YOU'RE SO NICE.

- TOMORROW NIGHT'S REALLY SPECIAL FOR ME.

I'M GONNA BE SURROUNDED BY THE PEOPLE I LOVE--

PANDORA, JASON,

AND, HOPEFULLY, IF I CAN TIE MY SON DOWN, MAX.

- UM, YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S ON THE PHONE.

- MAX, DON'T COME INTO THE HOUSE AND NOT SAY HELLO TO ME.

AND THEN YOU DISAPPEAR.

- SAY HELLO WHEN YOU WALK IN.

- WHEN YOU WALK IN, SAY HELLO TO ME.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

UH, COOL-- I'M, UH, BUSY RIGHT NOW.

I'M GONNA HAVE DINNER WITH MY PARENTS TONIGHT,

SO I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

- WELL, DON'T SOUND SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

- ALL RIGHT. BYE.

LOVE YOU TOO.

- WHAT WAS THAT? "I LOVE YOU TOO"?

- KISS YOUR MOTHER.

- DID YOU SAY, "I LOVE YOU TOO"?

DID YOU SAY, "I LOVE YOU TOO?"

- IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GETTING SERIOUS WITH MELISSA.

I MEAN, ALL THIS. COME ON.

- I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE,

"I LOVE YOU TOO," TO A WOMAN, GIRL.

- WHAT, HAVE YOU HEARD HIM SAY IT TO A GUY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, THE ONLY TIME I'VE EVER HEARD MAX SAY "I LOVE YOU"

IS TO ME, OBVIOUSLY,

SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEE WHO THIS GIRL IS

THAT'S STEPPING ON MY PATCH.

"I LOVE YOU."

HE SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO THAT GIRL.

- HE SAID, "I LOVE YOU TOO."

- HELLO!

- HEY.

- HOW ARE YOU DARLING?

- GOOD.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YOU'RE SO SWEET TO COME HELP ME MAKE COOKIES.

- WELL, ANY EXCUSE TO PRETEND LIKE I'M GOOD AT SOMETHING.

- DID YOU BRING YOUR APRON?

- YEAH, I BROUGHT THE APRON.

CHECK THIS OUT.

- OH. - IT'S AWESOME.

- NOW DO YOU COOK-- THAT'S WHAT YOU COOK IN?

- I NEVER COOK, YOU KNOW.

- I--I KNOW THAT.

THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE APRON CAME FROM.

DANA IS ONE OF MY FRIENDS, AND I JUST ADORE HER,

BECAUSE SHE'S OUTSPOKEN,

SHE DOESN'T TAKE ANY [bleep] OFF ANYONE.

SHE'S ALL THE THINGS I'M NOT,

WHICH I REALLY LIKE TO FIND IN MY FRIENDS.

SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

- WELL, UM, STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THE BARBECUE.

- OH, MY GOSH.

WAS THAT JUST CRAZY OR WHAT?

- AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING,

BECAUSE BRANDI WAS IN A REALLY WEIRD MOOD.

I--I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I--I'VE BEEN...

- DID YOU KNOW I HAVE ONE OF THESE,

AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT DID?

IS THAT A MICROWAVE?

- IT'S CALLED A MICROWAVE.

- NO, IT'S A DIFFERENT THING.

- YEAH, NO, THIS IS JUST A MICROWAVE.

- ANYWAY, BUT IT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL,

AND I WAS LIKE, "WOW," AND IT WAS PRETTY COOL.

AND THEN BRANDI, I DON'T KNOW,

LIKE, ALL THIS TALK,

AND IT JUST TURNS INTO, YOU KNOW,

THE C-O-C-K WORD.

IT'S A KID PARTY, RIGHT?

YOU'RE LIKE, "UM..."

- YEAH, I HADN'T SEEN THAT SIDE OF HER,

AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, I COULD REALLY EMPATHIZE WITH HER

WITH WHAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH WITH HER MARRIAGE, AND...

BUT THEN YET SHE KIND OF THREW ME OFF A LITTLE YESTERDAY,

BUT MAYBE I'M NOT READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL ON HER COMPLETELY.

I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU THINK BETTY CROCKER HAD GOOD BICEPS?

BECAUSE THIS STUFF IS SO HARD TO STIR.

ANYWAY, SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT OUR GAME NIGHT SITUATION?

ARE YOU UP FOR IT?

- OF COURSE I'M TOTALLY UP FOR IT.

- I KNOW WE WERE PLANNING ON DOING IT HERE,

BUT I APPRECIATE THE FACT

THAT YOU'D BE WILLING TO DO IT AT YOUR HOUSE.

JUST--THINGS ARE JUST SO HEAVY IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

I COULD USE A TIME WHERE I'M JUST A GUEST,

YOU KNOW, WHERE I'M NOT INVOLVED IN THE...

- RIGHT. - PLANNING AND HANGING.

- WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT.

- OH, GOOD. OKAY, SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

DANA IS AN INCREDIBLE EVENT PLANNER.

SHE HAS A LOT OF HISTORY IN PLANNING PARTIES

FOR THINGS LIKE THE GRAMMYS,

AND, UM, JUST BIG EVENTS AROUND TOWN.

- I WAS THINKING WE'D DO JUST SORT OF DESSERTS AND ALCOHOL.

AND I'LL DO SOME OVER-THE-TOP GAMING DECOR.

- OKAY, THAT'S CUTE.

- OR MAYBE DO SOME, UM, GAME PIECES ON THE FLOOR.

- THAT'S CUTE. YEAH.

YOU'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING GOOD.

- AND, LIKE, DICE WITH FLOWERS.

I'M ACTUALLY GONNA--

I'M GONNA PROBABLY USE ONE OF MY VENDORS TO HELP ME,

'CAUSE I'M, LIKE-- I'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON.

FOR THIS GAME NIGHT, I'M GOING ALL OUT.

IT'S GONNA BE SO FUN.

WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I'M EXCITED.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU.

I JUST WANTED TO, YOU KNOW,

MAKE SURE YOU WERE COOL WITH EVERYTHING I'M DOING

WITH THE GAME NIGHT.

- YEAH, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE FUN.

I WILL BRING, UM, I DON'T KNOW. COOKIES?

- [laughs] NO, WE'LL HAVE PLENTY.

THANKS. [laughter]

- HELLO.

- HOW'S EVERYTHING? - VERY WELL.

- GOOD. - THANK YOU.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- SHALL I START YOU WITH A GLASS OF WINE?

- YOU KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE A GLASS OF CHARDONNAY.

- BEAUTIFUL. - I WILL TOO.

HOW IS EVERYTHING?

- [sighs] BUSY.

- ARE YOU BUSY?

I KNOW. I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE SAME STUFF.

RIGHT NOW I'M JUST MOVING INTO MY HOUSE, AND...

- HOW--OH, MY GOSH.

WHEN ARE WE GONNA COME OVER?

- AS SOON AS I HAVE A DINING TABLE.

- OH...

- I'M HAVING IT MADE,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIND ONE THAT I LIKED.

SO...

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE THE INSIDE.

- LET'S CHEERS.

- CHEERS.

- WELL, WHAT'D YOU THINK OF BRANDI?

- WHAT DID I THINK OF BRANDI?

WELL, SHE'S ENTERTAINING.

I MEAN...

- YOU'RE NOT A BIG FAN.

- I CAN JUST TELL SHE'S NOT A GIRLS' GIRL,

AND, YOU KNOW, AND JUST, LIKE, THE WORDS SHE CHOOSES TO USE

ARE JUST, LIKE, WORDS THAT I FIND TO BE TACKY.

SHE SAID, "I KNOW YOU ALL THINK I'M A SLUT.

I CAN TELL BY-- YOU'RE ROLLING YOUR EYES."

AND I'M THINKING, "WELL, I WASN'T ROLLING MY EYES,"

BUT I CAN'T EXACTLY HIDE

WHEN I'M THINKING SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEBODY,

SO I WAS MAYBE LIKE...

- WELL, THAT'S OKAY. YOU'RE VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD.

YEAH. I THINK SHE SPEAKS,

AND THEN SHE REALIZES WHAT SHE HAS SAID, AND...

- YOU THINK SHE REALIZES?

- I WOULD HOPE SO, BUT...

BRANDI REALLY IS A SWEET GIRL.

SHE JUST ABSOLUTELY HAS NO FILTER.

SO, YOU KNOW, BUT, AGAIN,

YOU COULD SEE THAT AS BEING VERY REAL.

- I KNOW I ONLY HAVE DAUGHTERS,

SO I'M NOT A BOY MOM. I KNOW THAT.

CAN WE JUST PLEASE TALK ABOUT HER SON

PEEING ON THE GRASS?

- UH-OH.

NO, JAKEY! JAKEY!

[laughter]

- HE'S FOUR, AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN,

LIKE, CORRECT HIM.

- I MEAN, BOYS WILL DO THAT.

- OR APOLOGIZE TO YOU, OR TO THE LITTLE BOY,

SAY, "EXCUSE ME, YOU DON'T WHIP OUT YOUR PENIS AT A PARTY

AND PEE ON SOMEONE'S GRASS."

- YOU KNOW, HE'S FOUR YEARS OLD, SO...

- YEAH. - [bleep] HAPPENS, BUT...

- SHE'S ALL RIGHT. SHE'S...

- YEAH. I'LL HAVE TO GIVE IT SOME TIME.

- BURRATA?

- HERE. THANK YOU.

- AND HERE'S THE [indistinct]...

- THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

- SO YOU GUYS WERE IN SACRAMENTO.

- YEAH. KIM WENT WITH US.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE TOLD YOU,

BUT SHE WENT WITH US TO THE GAME.

- SHE TOLD ME.

- WE HAD A GOOD TIME.

UM, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED, BECAUSE...

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE AT A CERTAIN TIME,

AND I WAS WAITING FOR KIM,

AND SHE CALLED AND SHE SAID, UH,

"THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT IN OUR HOUSE,"

AND, UM, SO SHE COULDN'T SEE TO GET READY.

- I'M LEAVING HERE IN, LIKE, TEN MINUTES.

I'M SO SORRY.

- KIM, IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

- ...IT'S A NICE AIRPORT,

AND--AND I LOVE THE PLANES OVER THERE,

SO, YOU KNOW, BUT STILL...

- SHE SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS INTOXICATED.

- AND SO PAUL KIND OF GOT ANNOYED,

AND HE SAID, "AND IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE, UM,

SHE MIGHT BE WASTED."

I--I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU MEAN JUST FROM HER VOICE ON THE PHONE?

MAYBE SHE WAS TIRED?

- THE WAY SHE SOUNDED, BECAUSE PAUL HEARD IT TOO.

I DON'T KNOW.

- KIM DOESN'T LET ME KNOW

EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN HER LIFE.

I REALLY NEVER KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET.

WELL, WHEN YOU SAW HER, EVERYTHING WAS OKAY?

- IT WAS ODD.

SOMETIMES KIM IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND,

BECAUSE SHE KIND OF RAMBLES.

- THAT'S--SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE SHE WAS LITTLE.

- SHE TALKS A LOT. - THAT'S REALLY WHO SHE IS.

WHICH DOESN'T ALWAYS GO OVER THAT WELL WITH ME.

- WELL, YOU'RE HER SISTER.

- BECAUSE IT MAKES ME NERVOUS.

I GET SO STRESSED, BECAUSE IT'S MY SISTER.

I TAKE THAT ON.

I DO. LIKE YESTERDAY I WAS EMBARRASSED

THAT SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP AT THE BARBECUE.

- IT'S OKAY, YOU KNOW.

- IT'S MY--I'M NOT HER MOM, YOU KNOW?

BUT I--I FEEL, LIKE, RESPONSIBLE.

AND SOMETIMES MY WORRYING COMES OFF AS...

- BEING OVERLY-- - BEARING, TOO STRONG.

- ALMOST LIKE A HELICOPTER MOM,

ONLY, LIKE, YOU'RE A HELICOPTER SISTER.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER

AND LOVE EACH OTHER, AND THAT'S OBVIOUS.

- YEP.

COMING UP...

I.Q. TEST UP NEXT. YOU FIRST.

- BRING IT, BITCH.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME A BITCH?

[laughter]

- HI, HONEY. - HI, MAMA.

- HOW ARE YA? - HOW ARE YA?

- I'M PRETTY GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- UM, MY USUAL.

CRAZED, BUSY.

- IT'S GOOD, THOUGH.

- JUGGLING.

I JUST ORDERED US, UH, CAPPUCCINO,

AND A COUPLE OF MILKSHAKES.

- OH, GOOD. YAY.

- JUST I THOUGHT WE'D CELEBRATE, SO...

- I KNOW, I NEED SOMETHING.

- I DON'T KNOW. YEAH.

WHAT'D YOU THINK OF THE BARBECUE?

- IT WAS GOOD.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD WAY

TO JUST GET EVERYONE TOGETHER,

AND I WAS REALLY NERVOUS

ABOUT GOING OVER THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

- WELL, IT'S ALWAYS NERVOUS

WHEN YOU'RE WITH A BUNCH OF NEW GIRLS.

- YEAH.

- THAT YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT WELL.

- AFTER ADRIENNE'S BARBECUE,

I FELT THE OTHER WOMEN

WERE REALLY MAKING JUDGMENTS ON MY PARENTING SKILLS.

I WAS JUST BEING MYSELF FOR THE MOST PART.

I DO THINK THAT THE JOKE I MADE TO DANA

WAS, YOU KNOW, INAPPROPRIATE.

- HE JUST GOES AWAY FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT HE'S DOING, HONESTLY.

- BASICALLY HE HAS GIRLS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

IT WAS A JOKE, AND IT WAS A BAD JOKE.

- IF YOU DON'T HAVE THICK SKIN,

HONEY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.

- YEAH, BUT NO ONE MESSES WITH YOU.

- HUH? - YOU'RE LUCKY.

NO ONE MESSES WITH YOU.

- OH, THEY DO. I JUST DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, IN LIFE,

PEOPLE BECOME VERY ENVIOUS SOMETIMES,

AND THEY'RE THE ONES THAT ACTUALLY LOOK VERY INSECURE.

- YEAH, I GUESS IT'S TRUE. IT'S JUST...

- AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY.

- YEAH. - IT REALLY ISN'T.

- I'M--I'M SUPER EMOTION--

ESPECIALLY WITH THE KIDS.

- YEAH. - I LOSE IT.

JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE--

THAT'S--THAT'S ALL I HAVE, YOU KNOW?

- RIGHT. IT'S YOUR LIFE.

- SO, YEAH. - YEAH.

ESPECIALLY GOING THROUGH

WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.

- YEAH, AND I DON'T THINK ANY OF THE GIRLS REALLY KNOW

REALLY WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

SINCE EDDIE AND I HAVE DIVORCED,

I'M TRYING TO GET INTO A NEW SOCIAL CIRCLE

THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE HIS FRIENDS.

OOH.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT ADRIENNE

HAS JUST KIND OF HELPED ME OUT

AND BROUGHT ME INTO HER SOCIAL CIRCLE.

SHE'S VERY SWEET.

- SO HOW DO YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA SEE YOUR FUN SIDE?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GREAT SIDE TO YOU,

AND THE GIRLS NEED TO SEE IT.

SO HOW DO WE DO THAT?

- I'M JUST WORRIED THAT IF I INVITE THE GIRLS SOMEWHERE

THAT THEY MIGHT NOT WANT TO GO AND DO IT.

- OH, THEY'LL COME.

- YOU THINK? - YEAH, JUST DO IT.

- THEN I'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUN.

- YEAH. - AND YOU MAKE THEM COME.

- YEAH! OKAY.

OKAY, THAT'S A DEAL.

- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

SO WE'LL PUT IT TOGETHER.

WE HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR BUSY BUSINESS SCHEDULE.

- YEAH. YEP.

I'LL HELP YOU WITH IT TOO.

- I'M GONNA HOLD YOU TO THAT.

- OF COURSE.

HOT AND COLD HERE.

- I KNOW. [laughter]

THAT'S LIKE ME.

- THAT'S... - WE ALL HAVE OUR MOMENTS.

- THAT'S TRUE.

[footsteps clacking]

- OKAY, I KNOW THAT TOOK AN HOUR.

I'M SORRY.

- HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

- YOU LOOK AWESOME.

- THANK YOU.

- COME ON IN.

- HOW'S EVERYTHING?

- OH, MY GOSH.

EVERY TIME I SEE YOU YOU'RE LIKE ACCESSOR--

- THIS IS PRETTY. I LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE ON.

- THIS IS VALENTINO.

- "VALENTINO."

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, "TARGET."

[doorbell rings]

- I'M SO-- - OH, YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TOO.

I LOVE YOUR SHIRT. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COLOR.

- THANK YOU.

- I WANT TO AC--

- WOW, I LOVE YOUR SHORTS.

- I WA--THANK YOU. THEY'RE VALENTINO.

- VERY CUTE. - AND THIS TOO.

I JUST-- HE ACTUALLY JUST CAME OVER,

BECAUSE I WAS LIKE--

- WAIT, VALENTINO WAS HERE?

- YEAH, MY SHOPPER CAME OVER, BECAUSE--

- OH. I'M LIKE, "VALENTINO WAS HERE?"

- YEAH, I'M, LIKE--IMAGINE THIS DESIGNER COMES OVER.

I'M LIKE, "HEY..."

YEAH, NO, PLEASE COME IN. PLEASE COME IN.

YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER.

- HI.

- YOU WANT A DRINK?

A WATER OR ANYTHING, OR A WINE, OR--?

- LOOK AT THIS.

- OH, DON'T--YEAH, I CAN'T GO DOWN.

- JUST SIT HERE, AND I'LL SERVE YOU YOUR DRINK,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.

AND THEN, KYLE, COME HERE.

ROBERT'LL HELP YOU.

YOU GUYS MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME FOR A MINUTE

WHILE I GO GET MY DRINK.

I CAN BARELY WALK IN THESE FENDIS, SO...

- [laughs]

- CAREFUL.

- THE AIR'S JUST THICK,

AND, UM, I'M UNCOMFORTABLE.

SO I'M HOPING ADRIENNE GETS HERE SOON.

- OKAY.

I SET UP A WHOLE GAME AREA, BUT THIS IS JUST--

I THOUGHT WE COULD JUST KIND OF HANG OUT.

YOU KNOW HOW EVERYBODY IS.

THEY TAKE FOREVER TO GET TOGETHER.

[doorbell rings]

- I'M, LIKE, READY.

I'M READY FOR THIS THING TO HAPPEN.

- HI!

- LOOK AT YOU!

- I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED TO SEE CAMILLE.

HOW ARE YOU?

- HEY, KYLE.

HI, BRANDI.

WOW. ARE THESE DOMINOES?

- YEAH, THEY'RE DOMINOES,

AND THEN ALL--EVERYTHING'S THEMED IN GAMEY IDEAS.

- GAME NIGHT AT DANA'S HOUSE.

OH, THAT'S GREAT. CHESS.

- THE KIDS'LL LIKE IT, RIGHT?

- AND WHAT'S THIS? - MERINGUE.

- THIS LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF MERINGUE.

FANTASTIC. LIKE THE WOOD IN THIS ROOM.

VERY COOL.

WE WALK IN, THERE'S HARDLY ANY FURNITURE.

YOU LOOK AROUND, YOU GO, "OKAY. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

- UH, I'M JUST WAITING FOR EVERYBODY.

THEN WE CAN MOVE INTO THE OTHER ROOM.

- FOR A PARTY PLANNER,

I JUST EXPECTED A TABLE TO SIT AT AND CHAIRS.

IT WAS A TABLE OF DESSERT AND A FEW BREADSTICKS.

- HELLO.

WELCOME TO MY HOME.

- ♪♪ BUM, BUM, BUM ♪♪

♪♪ BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM ♪♪

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S LIKE, "SOMETHING'S UP AROUND HERE..."

HI, GIRLIES. - OKAY.

- HEY! LOOK HOW PRETTY YOU LOOK.

- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.

WHAT DOTH ONE WEAR TO GAME NIGHT?

IT'S MY FIRST GAME NIGHT.

HOW ARE YOU?

DON'T GET UP, PLEASE.

LET ME GET ANOTHER... CHAIR.

[cell phone rings]

I CAN'T WAIT.

I'M, LIKE, DRUM ROLL.

LET'S SEE WHO THIS IS.

HELLO. IT'S DANA.

- HEY, DANA. IT'S ADRIENNE.

- WHERE ARE YOU?

- [laughs]

OH, HONEY, I AM SO SORRY.

I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

- ADRIENNE WEASELED HER WAY OUT OF THIS?

NOT FAIR.

- I REALLY WISH I COULD BE THERE,

BUT, UM, I GOT TO--

I GOT TO TAKE CARE OF SOME ISSUES HERE, SO...

- ALL RIGHT, I MISS YOU.

I'M SORRY YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BUSINESS. BYE.

- BYE-BYE.

- THAT'S SUCH A BUMMER.

I HATE WHEN SHE DOESN'T SHOW UP,

BECAUSE SHE'S SO FUN.

- I HAVE KNOTS IN MY STOMACH.

I FEEL REALLY BY MYSELF.

- COMING UP...

- I DON'T KNOW. I'M CONCERNED ABOUT KIM.

SHE SEEMS REALLY... OFF HER ROCKER.

SHE WAS CLEARLY INEBRIATED.

I MEAN, SINCE SHE'S COME IN,

SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM 15 TIMES.

- [knocks]

- IS THAT YOUR SISTER MAYBE?

- PLEASE LET IT BE.

- OOH, PRETTY FLOWERS.

- KIM. - YES.

- COME IN. - PAM. DANA.

- I'M DANA, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME PAM.

- OKAY. YOU LOOK LIKE A PAM.

- WELL, GOOD.

- HI. - HI.

HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD. - THAT'S A PRETTY TOP.

- I DON'T LIKE MIXING THE GOLD WITH THE SILVER,

TO BE HONEST.

- OKAY, BUT DON'T KILL HER HERE.

- HI. - KIM.

- OKAY, WAIT.

I'M GONNA FIX THIS IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY.

- TUCK IT DOWN HER BACK. - I AM. COME HERE.

- WAIT. LET'S SHOW THE BRA STRAP...

- NO, I'M-- I LOVE YOUR...

- YEAH, I LIKE IT BETTER JUST THE GOLD.

- I JUST HAVE TO RUN AND FIX MY MAKEUP,

BECAUSE I DID IT IN THE CAR.

- HI. - OH, THIS IS BRANDI.

- OH, HI. - HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- THIS IS MY SISTER KIM.

- WOW. ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE.

I ALMOST WORE SHORTS TONIGHT,

BUT AREN'T YOU COLD?

- I'M NOT COLD YET. NEVER KNOW.

- UM, I'M GONNA USE THE LADIES' ROOM REALLY QUICK.

- OH, YEAH, LET ME FIX YOUR...

JUST HOLD ON. YOUR EYE MAKEUP.

- I CAN'T SEE.

- HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

MY SISTER SEEMED EXTREMELY TIRED

AND A LITTLE DISHEVELED.

AS HER SISTER,

IT WAS MY JOB TO SPRUCE HER UP A BIT.

- KYLE, THIS IS INSANE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- DOES ANYBODY HAVE A--

I JUST--I CAN'T SEE. THIS IS FILTHY.

DIRTY, FILTHY...

- NO, THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT LOOKS.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S NOT THE LOOK.

IT'S FILTHY.

- WELL, CLEAN IT.

GET SOME TISSUE AND CLEAN IT OFF.

HURRY UP. WE'RE BEING--YOU'RE BEING RUDE.

MY LIFE STORY.

- WE'LL JUST BE ANOTHER MINUTE.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. TAKE YOUR TIME.

- WE'RE BUSY CLEANING YOUR HOUSE.

- KIM, SHUT UP.

- SO HOW'S THE WEATHER?

[laughs]

- IT'S ALL GOOD.

- DOESN'T SHE HAVE ANY HOUSEKEEPERS?

- WELL, I WAS AWAY ALL LAST SUMMER.

- RIGHT.

- BECAUSE AFTER I FILED FOR DIVORCE,

I GOT ON A PLANE AND I SPENT--

- YOU WENT TO HAWAII.

- I WENT TO HAWAII FOR MOST OF THE SUMMER.

- AND I WAS LIKE SO--

I WAS LIKE, "PLEASE TELL CAMILLE I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT."

AND HAWAII IS MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE.

- IS IT? - I WILL GO TO VISIT YOU,

LIKE, DON'T EVEN KID.

BUT I'M A GOOD HOUSE GUEST,

'CAUSE I'M KIND OF MELLOW.

- I WAS FEELING A LITTLE BIT

LIKE DANA WAS TRYING TOO HARD.

AND I KNOW THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M FRIENDS WITH THEM,

AND SO SHE WANTS TO GET CLOSER TO THEM,

BUT, YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T--

IT WASN'T TYPICAL DANA.

- FOR ME, IT'S BEEN SUCH A HEALING PLACE.

- WE SHOULD GO HEAL THERE.

- YES.

- WE GOT HEALING TO DO.

ME AND YOU HAVE HEALING TO DO.

AND IF YOU GET TO A PLACE

WHERE YOUR FAMILY IS NOT THERE

AND YOU--YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS,

PLEASE LET US KNOW.

- OKAY, LET ME SEE. ARE YOU DONE?

- YOU DIDN'T DO ANY EYELASHES.

- KIM, I'M NOT PUTTING LASHES ON AT THEIR HOUSE.

- FINE. BE THAT WAY.

- I--I WOULD DO IT AT HOME.

- I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY--

- YOU HAVE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT?

- I'VE BEEN HAVING HORRIBLE PANIC ATTACKS.

- PANIC ATTACKS?

- LIKE, I FEEL LIKE MY HEART'S JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN.

I HAVEN'T EATEN, SLEPT, SEVEN DAYS.

I WENT TO A DOCTOR TODAY.

- YOU HAVEN'T EATEN IN SEVEN DAYS?

OR YOU MEAN, LIKE...

- I HAVEN'T EATEN. I HAVEN'T SLEPT.

LOSS OF-- I'M LOSING MY BALANCE.

I CAN'T-- I LOOK AT PEOPLE,

I SEE, LIKE-- I CAN'T HEAR.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU'RE HAVING ANXIETY. SEVERE ANXIETY.

NO. LOOK AT ME.

- [sighs] - I'M USING A COMB.

- ANYWAY, SO I CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED

AND THEN-- - YOU WANT SOME?

YOU'RE JUST HAVING BAD ANXIETY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO-- HERE, LOOK AT ME.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO A HEAVY PLACE

WHILE WE HAD ALL THESE GIRLS WAITING IN THE OTHER ROOM.

OKAY, LET'S GO. COME ON.

YOU LOOK GOO-- YOU LOOK GOOD. LET'S GO.

- ONE SECOND.

- KIM, YOU'RE TAKING TOO LONG. THIS IS RUDE.

- OKAY. DO I LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN CRYING?

- ALL RIGHT.

- OKAY, DO YOU WANT-- SHOULD WE GO TO THE OTHER ROOM?

- WELL, WE CAN NOW. YES.

- KIM SEEMED SCATTERED,

BUT, TO ME, KIM ALWAYS SEEMS SCATTERED.

- CAN YOU PUT THIS INTO A SPECIAL...

- OF COURSE.

- HEY.

THAT'S EVEN BETTER.

- HI. - HOW YOU DOING?

- GOOD. - DO YOU HAVE A GLASS, ACTUALLY?

- YEAH. I COULD DO, LIKE, A WINE GLASS.

- NOW, YOU'RE BRANDI.

- YES.

- AND YOU'RE... - DANA.

- PAM. - DANA.

- NO, WE JOKED...

- WHEN SHE WALKED IN, SHE CALLED ME PAM.

I WAS LIKE, "CALL ME ANYTHING YOU WANT.

IT'S ALL GOOD."

YEAH, NO, I'M DANA.

BUT IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE, KIM.

I'VE HEARD SO MUCH.

- KYLE'S LIKE, "HER NAME IS DANA."

I'M LIKE, "OKAY. SHE SAID I CAN CALL HER PAM."

IT'S, LIKE, IT'S KIND OF OUR THING.

AND WE WERE HAVING FUN WITH IT.

- PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

WE ALMOST SLIPPED TWICE HERE.

- YEAH, BE CAREFUL. THIS IS VERY SLIPPERY.

- IT'S, LIKE, OIL IS ON HERE, SO DON'T FALL DOWN.

- THAT'S OKAY.

IF I FELL RIGHT NOW, WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME.

[laughter]

- YES, IT WOULD.

- LAST TIME I SAW YOU, WE WENT SKIING.

I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU GOT OUT ON THE MOUNTAIN.

- I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU--

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT.

- I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU

THAT YOU GOT UP THERE AND YOU SKIED.

- 20 SOMETHING YEARS.

- I TESTED MY SISTER'S DRINK,

AND IT WAS FINE.

- IS THAT CAKE?

[horn honks]

- KEN?

- YES?

- ARE YOU READY?

- I'M JUST FEEDING THE PUPPIES.

- YOU'RE THE FIRST.

- I'M THE FIRST TO ARRIVE?

- YEAH, COME ON. LET'S HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.

- ANYBODY HOME?

- COMING. SORRY. COME IN.

- HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.

- HELLO, LISA.

- HOW ARE YOU?

LOVE THE DRESS.

I KNOW, UH, JASON'S PARENTS REALLY WELL.

I REALLY LOVE THEM.

I MEAN, IF PANDORA AND JASON

WERE EVER TO KIND OF CEMENT THEIR RELATIONSHIP,

IT WOULD BE AN IDEAL FIT.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING US BY.

- NICE TO SEE YOU.

- WHERE ARE THE KIDS?

- I THINK THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY.

- OKAY. LET'S GO.

- LET'S GO.

- AHA.

- AHA!

- HEY! - HEY!

- HELLO, EVERYONE.

- I WOULD LOVE PANDY AND JASON TO COMMIT TO EACH OTHER.

BUT MAYBE THEY'LL JUST GO ON LIVING TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE GONNA DO EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT TO DO,

SO I'LL JUST WAIT ANOTHER... FIVE YEARS.

- HELLO, MAX. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- OH, DARLING.

YOU COULD PUT SOME SHOES ON FOR THE OCCASION.

- THEY MAKE MONKEYS OUT OF THOSE SOCKS.

- DARLING. - COME ON, AND I'M STARVING.

- SHOULD WE SIT DOWN?

YEAH, YEAH, NO, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD.

- COME ON, EVERYBODY.

- WHERE SHOULD I SIT, DADDY?

- UH, YOU SIT NEXT TO ME.

MAX, SIT AT THE END.

- UH, PLEASE. THANKS, MATE.

- ANYBODY ELSE WANT WINE?

- OKAY.

THIS IS SOMETHING I PREPARED EARLIER.

- YUMMY.

- SO WHEN ARE WE GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS BIG TRIP TO NEW YORK?

HOW DID YOU LIKE IT?

- IT WAS NON-- NONSTOP PARTYING.

- IT WAS...EXHAUSTING.

- NO, IT WAS VERY GOOD. IT WAS 70 DEGREES.

IT WAS LIKE SUMMERTIME.

WE WERE WALKING IN THE STREETS.

EVERYBODY WAS SHOPPING.

THEY JUST HAD THEIR-- - IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

- THEY JUST HAD FASHION WEEK,

SO ALL THE BEAUTIFUL MODELS WERE OUT, AND...

- AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL MODELS?

- I DIDN'T LOOK AT A SINGLE ONE. DON'T WORRY.

- HE CAN LOOK. - OKAY.

- I HAVE TO PROPOSE A TOAST TO EVERYONE.

- AGAIN.

YOU KNOW I'M SO GOOD AT THIS.

- ALL RIGHT, DARLING. GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK.

- IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SO YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE PANDORA.

- OH, NO.

- OH, HERE WE GO. - YEAH.

- YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE.

- UH, YES, I HAVE.

- PANDORA, I WOULD LOVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.

- OH! - OH, MY GOD.

- WELL, IS THAT A PROPOSAL?

I NEED TO BE DEFINITIVE HERE.

- IF IT WAS A PROPOSAL, THERE WOULD BE A RING.

- OH, GOOD LORD.

- DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT GONNA PROPOSE.

- OH, OKAY THEN.

SHALL I CLEAR THE TABLE?

- BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE.

- [gasps]

- IN NEW YORK. THIS WEEKEND.

- REALLY?

- ABSOLUTELY.

- ARE YOU...

- NO, WE'RE OFFICIALLY ENGAGED.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

- CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S GREAT.

- WELL DONE.

- STOP!

OH, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER WIND-UP.

[laughter]

- IT'S OFFICIAL NOW.

- YOU'RE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

OH.

- SIX YEARS OF HARD WORK.

- OH, GOOD LORD.

- I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

I COULDN'T BE BLOODY HAPPIER.

PERFECT.

OH, GOSH.

- I KNOW, I WAS LIKE...

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KNEW.

DID YOU COME AND ASK HIM?

- YEAH, I ASKED KEN PERMISSION.

- WELL, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHEN HE--?

- 'CAUSE YOU WOULD TELL ME.

- I COULDN'T, COULD I? - YEAH, PROBABLY.

- ARE YOU SAD YOU'RE LOSING YOUR LITTLE BOY?

- NO, I'M GAINING A DAUGHTER.

- EXACTLY.

- WHAT'S THE PLAN? IS THERE ANY PLAN,

OR YOU DON'T KNOW? - I HAVE NO IDEA.

I'VE HAD, LIKE, HOURS TO THINK ABOUT THIS.

- YOU'VE HAD YEARS TO THINK ABOUT THIS.

- I JUST HAVE ONE REQUEST.

CAN GIGGY PLEASE WALK DOWN THE AISLE WITH THE RINGS?

- OH, YES.

- LIKE A LITTLE PILLOW ON HIS BACK?

- WELL, I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.

TO YOU, MY DARLING.

I LOVE YOU TOO.

I MEAN, I REALLY DO.

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

I NORMALLY HATE SURPRISES,

BUT THIS ONE, I THINK I--

I JUST...

I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. REALLY.

I WELCOME YOU TO OUR FAMILY,

AND I LOVE YOU LIKE MY OWN SON.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- NO, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY OWN SON.

JUST KIDDING.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.

- I'M GONNA JUST SAY, UM...

- NO.

- I'M JUST GONNA SAY CHEERS.

- NO, NO, COME ON. TOO MUSHY.

- BUT HE WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING.

LET HIM SPEAK.

- I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.

[laughter] THANK YOU.

YOU SPOILED MY SPEECH,

AND--AND I'LL NEVER SAY ANOTHER THING.

- CHEERS. - CHEERS!

- CHEERS. - CHEERS.

- CHEERS, DARLING. - CHEERS. CHEERS.

- WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY.

[laughter]

- PAM. DANA.

PAM-DANA.

- WHATEVER. CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU'RE A SWEETHEART.

I GOT YOUR BACK.

- OH, GOOD.

- I DO HAVE YOUR BACK.

- 'CAUSE I NEED ANOTHER...

BACKBONE. - GOOD GIRL.

ANOTHER GOOD GIRL.

DO YOU WANT ME TO CARRY YOUR DRINK?

'CAUSE I'M, LIKE, YOUR HOSTESS.

LET ME DO IT.

- DANA REALLY WENT OUT OF HER WAY.

IT'S NICE TO BE APPRECIATED,

SO I WAS...

MADE ME FEEL VERY GOOD.

- I'M GONNA USE THE LADIES' ROOM REALLY QUICK.

- YOU'RE GONNA GO TO THE RESTROOM AGAIN?

OKAY. NO WORRIES.

LOOK AT THIS.

SEE, THERE'S, LIKE, A WHOLE NEW THING IN HERE

THAT HASN'T BEEN EXPLOITED.

- WOW. THIS IS A NICE, BIG, COZY COUCH.

- YOU LIKE IT?

I WISH I HAD ADRIENNE'S INTERIOR DECORATOR,

BUT IT WASN'T IN THE CARDS, SO...

IF YOU WANT SOME CHAMPAGNE, IT'S HERE.

I DID THAT FOR, YOU KNOW, EASE.

- TAYLOR. THEY'RE OKAY?

- YEAH, THEY'RE-- YEAH.

- I WAS A MODEL IN EUROPE IN THE '90s.

I'VE HAD MY FAIR SHARE

OF INTERACTION WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE ON DRUGS.

- IT WOULD BE HELPFUL IF WE HAD A TWEEZERS.

- PLEASE DON'T FORGET YOUR THINGS WHEN WE LEAVE.

LET'S GO.

- YOU'RE AGGRAVATING ME. - COME ON.

- IT WAS VERY OBVIOUS THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON,

AND IT WAS VERY WEIRD,

BECAUSE THE WHOLE ROOM

WAS PRETENDING LIKE IT WASN'T HAPPENING.

- CAN I PLEASE DO ONE THING BY MYSELF?

- OKAY.

- I KNOW WHAT I KNOW.

- COMING UP...

- YOUR SISTER IS--IS WASTED OUT OF HER [bleep] MIND.

- SHE'S NOT WASTED. [overlapping arguing]

WATCH YOUR [bleep] MOUTH.

- WHAT IS THIS? CAN I ASK?

- MERINGUE.

- IS IT ALL DESSERTS?

- YEAH, THEY'RE ALL DESSERTS.

EVERYONE WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT. DID YOU EAT?

- I DIDN'T. I FORGOT.

- EVEN THOUGH WE KNEW IT WAS ONLY GONNA BE DESSERTS,

BY THE TIME WE GOT THERE, WE WERE ALL HUNGRY.

- THEY JUST LOOK AMAZING, THE MERINGUE,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA EAT A WHOLE MERINGUE.

WE'RE LOOKING--"OKAY, DOES THAT MERINGUE LOOK GOOD?

"LOOKS GOOD. SHOULD WE HAVE THE MERINGUE OR THE BREADSTICKS?

BACK TO THE BREADSTICKS."

- IS THIS JUST TOMATOES?

- MM-HMM.

- I'M REALLY HUNGRY.

- ME TOO. [laughter]

- I'M STARVING TO DEATH.

- ALL RIGHT. LET'S PLAY A GAME.

I'M JUST GONNA RANDOMLY SORT THESE INTO TEAMS HERE.

OKAY, TAYLOR, CAMILLE, AND DANA ARE ONE TEAM.

IT JUST WAS RANDOM.

KYLE, KIM, BRANDI, IS ANOTHER.

- KYLE, KIM, AND BRANDI?

- KIM, KYLE, AND TAYLOR?

- NO. [laughs]

GOOD THING I HAVE THIS OUT.

READY? TEAM ONE...

KIM...

- KYLE AND BRANDI.

- I DON'T LIKE IT.

I ONLY LIKE PEOPLE I KNOW.

IT'S TAKEN ME ALL YEAR TO GET USED TO GET USED TO NEW PEOPLE.

I DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH HER.

[laughter]

I DON'T WANT HER ON MY TEAM.

- DO YOU NOT SEE THAT I'M RIGHT HERE?

IT REALLY FRAZZLED ME.

IT MADE ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

I JUST FELT ODD MAN OUT.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?

- CELEBRITY.

- OKAY, GOOD. THANK YOU.

- GIVE ME ONE. I'LL GO FIRST.

- OKAY, PERFECT.

PICK A NAME. LET'S ROCK THIS OUT.

- PLEASE LET IT BE GOOD.

PLEASE LET IT BE GOOD.

- OKAY. OKAY.

- WAIT. GO.

TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE READY.

- ALL RIGHT. - GO.

- [snorts] - OKAY, GO.

- COME ON! COME ON!

- THAT'S IT, KIM. [snorts]

- PORKY PIG.

- NO, YOU CAN'T GUESS.

- OH, I CAN'T...

- THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE.

- WILBUR!

- UM, A PUPPET.

- OH, MISS PIGGY.

- YES.

- OKAY, MOVING ON. NEXT ONE.

- MY EX-BOYFRIEND.

- TOMMY HOWELL!

- YES!

- OH!

- TIME OUT!

SORRY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GO, CAMILLE.

- SORRY. I GOT CONFUSED.

- OUR FAVORITE SHOES WITH THE RED SOLE.

- LOUBOUTIN.

- SHE'S THE, UH, NIECE

OF A COUPLE OF PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM.

- PARIS HILTON! - OKAY.

[laughter]

- ONCE THE GAME STARTED AND PEOPLE STARTED TO LOOSEN UP,

I THOUGHT WE HAD A FUN TIME.

- OKAY, LET'S DO IT.

READY? TURN THE TIMER.

- ONLY WE GUESS. ONLY WE GUESS.

- ALL RIGHT, SHE'S ONE OF THE GOLDEN GIRLS.

- BETTY WHITE. - YEAH.

UM, HE WAS A VERY FAMOUS BLACK MAN

WHO WASN'T MARTIN LUTHER KING.

- SAMMY DAVIS JR.

MICHAEL JACKSON.

- WAIT, ON SUNDAY YOU GO TO...

- A CHURCH.

- YEAH, SO THAT'S HIS LAST NAME.

PART OF IT.

FIRST NAME, HE'S CIGARETTE SMOKER.

- STE-- NO.

[laughter]

- ALL RIGHT. I'M SKIPPING IT.

- WINSTON CHURCHILL.

- I WAS SPEECHLESS.

I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS THINKING OF,

BUT IT WAS HYSTERICAL.

- OH, THE BEST RAPPER IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.

- BRAD PITT.

- RAPPER?

- I THOUGHT YOU SAID...

- NO, TIMER RAN OUT.

YOU'RE SO OUT.

IT RAN OUT, LIKE, FOREVER AGO.

- HE'S MARRIED TO BEYONCE.

- JAY-Z.

- BRANDI, I LOVE YOU, BUT I TURNED IT OVER.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT.

- AND GO.

- OKAY, I WORKED WITH HIM IN TUFF TURF.

- JAMES SPADER.

- MR. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY.

- OH, ROBERT DOWNEY JR. - YEAH.

- I FELT REALLY ALIENATED.

KIM AND KYLE WERE PLAYING WITH ONE ANOTHER,

ANSWERING AND ASKING EACH OTHER QUESTIONS

THAT ONLY THE TWO OF THEM WOULD KNOW THE ANSWER TO,

AND THREE OF US WERE THE TEAM.

- OH. OKAY, WE WERE INVITED TO A PARTY LAST WEEK WITH HIM.

IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.

- OH, MY GOD! I KNOW THAT ONE.

- AND THE LAST ONE...

- I MEAN, WHY...

- HE HAS THE LAST NAME AS-- AS OUR NIECE.

- PEREZ HILTON. - YES.

- YAY, TEAMWORK. WHOO-HOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT TO PLAY TOO.

OVER HERE.

- WHATEVER. - ALL RIGHT, PAM.

YOUR TURN.

- EVERYONE'S GONNA BE REALLY CONFUSED

THAT MY NAME'S DANA NOT PAM.

- NO, NO, I'M NOT SORRY.

IT WAS JUST A JOKE.

- NO, LISTEN, I LOVE YOU. IT'S OKAY.

YOU CAN CALL ME WHATEVER.

- DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME, OR DO YOU JUST LIKE ME?

- I DO. I REALLY-- NO, I LIKE YOU A LOT.

- 'CAUSE...THAT'S SWEET.

- I LIKE YOUR SOUL.

- OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.

- SEE? RIGHT?

- ALL RIGHT, READY? - AWKWARD.

- YADA, YADA OVER HERE.

ALL RIGHT, PEANUT GALLERY.

HERE WE GO. - GO.

- OH, MY GOD.

I LOVE TO DO PLAYS

THAT I CHARGE A LOT OF PEOPLE MONEY AND I SAY NOTHING.

I HAVE GODDESSES. I DO A LOT OF--

- CHARLIE SHEEN. - CHARLIE SHEEN.

- OKAY.

OH, WAIT.

- SHOULD WE WAIT FOR KIM?

- KIM?

GIVE ME ONE SECOND. I'M SORRY.

- I'M KIND OF WORRIED ABOUT MY TEAM.

I FEEL LIKE, NUMBER ONE, THEY DON'T LIKE ME,

AND, NUMBER TWO, THEY'RE NOT LUCID.

- THEY'RE NOT LUCID.

- WHERE'S-- IS MY SISTER OVER HERE?

- NO, SHE WENT--

SHE CAME AND GOT A DRINK, AND THEN SHE LEFT.

- YOU GOT HER COFFEE?

- YEAH, WITH HER COFFEE.

- KIM?

- DANA, IS THERE ANOTHER BATHROOM I CAN USE?

- YEAH, LET'S GO IN THE CHEF BATHROOM.

IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, BUT LET'S DO IT.

- I DO NOT KNOW THESE GIRLS YET.

JUST SO YOU KNOW.

- DO YOU WANT TO?

- [sighs]

- COME ON.

- WELL, I ACTUALLY-- DANA'S VERY NICE.

UM, BRANDI'S JUST NOT MY STYLE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

- I DON'T KNOW. I'M CONCERNED ABOUT KIM.

SHE SEEMS REALLY OFF HER ROCKER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I COULD TELL THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON WITH HER.

I--YOU KNOW, SHE WASN'T DRINKING.

SHE HAD A COFFEE IN HER HAND.

BUT SHE WAS CLEARLY INEBRIATED.

- I THINK SHE'S JUST BEEN THROUGH A LOT.

UM...

- THE OTHER DAY SHE'S LIKE,

"I CAN TELL YOU THINK I'M A SLUT."

AND I SAID, "WHY WOULD YOU THINK WE THINK YOU'RE A SLUT?"

- WELL, IT'S 50 BELOW OUT...

- KIM, I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

- AND SHE'S WEARING...

- CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

NEVER TAKE LIQUID LINER OUT WITH YOU.

- I MEAN, SINCE SHE'S COME IN, SHE'S BEEN...

I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM 15 TIMES.

- I DON'T THINK SHE'S TRYING TO HIDE ANYTHING.

I JUST THINK THAT...

- NO, OBVIOUS...

I MEAN, SHE--SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRYING TO HIDE ANYTHING.

'CAUSE IT'S ON THE TABLE.

- I DID NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT

ANYTHING THAT KIM'S GOING THROUGH.

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

IT'S KIM'S OWN BUSINESS.

SHE'S WORKING THINGS OUT ON HER OWN.

- WE'RE GONNA PLAY GAMES.

- OUT OF MY EYES.

- OTHERWISE THEY'RE GONNA THINK--

IF YOU PUT TOO MUCH, IT LOOKS BAD.

TRUST ME. I'M THE MAKEUP QUEEN.

AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.

- AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

- WRONG. YES, YOU CAN.

YOU CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS. JUST NOT MAKEUP.

[laughter]

- THEY BOTH SAID THAT THEY DON'T LIKE ME.

SHE'S LIKE, "OH, THEY'RE ON YOUR--OUR--MY--"

SHE'S LIKE, "SHE'S ON MY TEAM? I DON'T LIKE HER."

PERFECT.

- I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL BAD.

I MEAN, I UNDERSTAND. I WENT THROUGH IT LAST YEAR.

IT'S HARD. THEY'RE SISTERS.

- IT'S A LITTLE CATTY.

- I WENT THROUGH THAT LAST YEAR, AND I KNOW.

IT'S...IT'S HARSH.

- LIKE, I DON'T-- BUT LITERALLY, LIKE,

"I DON'T LIKE HER."

- LAST YEAR I FELT I WAS ON THE OUTS WITH KYLE AND KIM,

SO I COULD EMPATHIZE WITH BRANDI.

YOU CAN PULL THEM ASIDE AND ASK THEM AND SAY,

"LET'S TALK. LET'S GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS."

- I DON'T KNOW IF I CARE ENOUGH TO EVEN SAY THAT TO BE HONEST.

LIKE, REALLY? YOU WANT TO BE A BITCH?

I CAN BE A TEN TIMES BIGGER BITCH.

- MM-HMM.

I LIKE KYLE AND KIM.

YOU KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU'RE TORN BETWEEN YOUR FRIENDS

OR THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE BECOMING FRIENDS WITH.

- HERE YOU GO.

- OH, OKAY, WOULD YOU, DANE, PAM,

WILL YOU PUT IT HERE?

- OKAY, IF YOU CALL ME "PAM" ONE MORE TIME

I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT.

THAT'S HER SPECIAL PRIVILEGE.

- I LOVE THAT!

- THAT'S YOUR SPECIAL PRIVILEGE.

- AW! THANK YOU, PAM.

- DANA WAS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FAR

UP KIM AND KYLE'S ASSES.

I FELT LIKE I HAD NO FRIENDS IN THAT ROOM.

AND HAD ADRIENNE BEEN THERE,

IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE EDGE OFF.

- ALL RIGHT, CAMILLE. AND IT'S GOING.

- KIM?

- OKAY, AN ITALIAN ACTRESS.

- WHERE'S KIM?

- SHE'S, UM, OLDER NOW.

VERY SOPHISTICATED.

UM, VERY TALL, HIGH CHEEKBONES.

SHE WAS IN THE MOVIE...

- OH, MY GOD. SOPHIA LOREN.

- THANK YOU.

WHERE DO I PUT THAT BACK IN THERE?

- WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER CRUTCHES?

- [laughs]

- YOU HID HER CRUTCHES?

NOW THAT'S THE KIM I KNOW.

- SHE HATES US.

- SHE HATES US?

- MM-HMM.

- YOU GUYS, OKAY.

I.Q. TEST UP NEXT.

WHOO-WHOO!

YOU FIRST.

- PERFECT. BRING IT, BITCH.

- WHAT? - BRING IT, BITCH.

- COME ON UP.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME A BITCH?

- WOW, BRANDI DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE'S GETTING HERSELF INTO.

I WOULDN'T GO THERE, GIRL.

- COMING UP...

- IT WAS VERY OBVIOUS AND OPEN WHAT YOU GUYS SAID.

- ABOUT WHAT?

- MAYBE YOU DON'T REMEMBER,

'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM TOO MANY TIMES.

- EXCUSE ME?

- YOU GUYS, OKAY.

I.Q. TEST UP NEXT.

WHOO-WHOO!

YOU FIRST.

- PERFECT. BRING IT, BITCH.

- WHAT? - BRING IT, BITCH.

- COME ON UP.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME A BITCH?

- YEAH, KIND OF.

I.Q. TEST? ARE YOU KIDDING?

LIKE, REALLY? YOU'RE LIKE, "YOU FIRST."

OKAY? YOU'RE A BITCH.

- DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT MY FRIEND KYLE'S A BITCH?

'CAUSE SHE'S NOT A BITCH.

- "YOU FIRST" WAS A LITTLE JOKE.

- WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET INTO THIS.

LET'S NOT EVEN. IT'S NOT WORTH IT, YOU GUYS.

IT'S NOT WORTH IT. LET'S NOT FIGHT.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE JUST FUN.

- I WASN'T RUDE. YOUR SISTER WAS.

- WHAT?

- I DON'T THINK SHE WAS RUDE.

I THINK WHAT YOU SAID WAS RUDE.

WHO ARE YOU TO SIT AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE

AND JUST CALL-- START CALLING PEOPLE NAMES?

I MEAN, MY SISTER'S NOT...

THE "B" WORD.

- SHE SAID, "I.Q. TEST, YOU FIRST."

LIKE, "BLONDE FIRST."

THAT'S A BITCHY THING TO SAY.

- EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM IS A BLONDE.

- WE'RE ALL BLONDES, AND I DYE MY HAIR.

- I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE,

BUT YOU'RE ALL BLONDE EXCEPT ME.

- KYLE, SHE'S MEAN. I DON'T LIKE IT.

MAKE IT STOP.

- I DON'T LIKE HER.

- I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

- KYLE AND KIM WERE A BIT CATTY AND HIGH-SCHOOL-LIKE.

IT WAS LIKE BEING WITH THE MEAN GIRLS.

- YOU GUYS SAID THIS TEN TIMES EARLIER.

"I DON'T LIKE HER. SHE'S NOT ON MY TEAM.

I DON'T LIKE IT."

IT WAS VERY OBVIOUS AND OPEN WHAT YOU GUYS SAID.

- ABOUT WHAT?

- MAYBE YOU DON'T REMEMBER

'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM TOO MANY TIMES.

- EXCUSE ME.

- EXCUSE ME?

- EXCUSE ME WHAT?

HOW MANY TIMES HAS SHE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM TONIGHT?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- YOU ARE A GODDAMN BITCH. YOU KNOW THAT?

- BRING IT.

- YOU ARE PATHETIC, OKAY?

- I AM. - PATHETIC. YES, YOU ARE.

- KYLE, SHE KEEPS CALLING ME PAN, AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

AND I'M THE HOSTESS.

- AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONE WEARING CUT-OFF SHORTS

THAT SHOW MY ASS.

- ALL RIGHT, WELL, IT'S CUTE, SO IT'S FINE.

- IT'S NOT CUTE WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND LIKE A LITTLE HO.

- COLOR ME SLUT.

- OKAY.

- YOU HAVE A REAL THING ABOUT THAT...

- YOU WANT TO CALL YOURSELF A SLUT, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

- AT THE BARBECUE THE OTHER DAY,

YOU KEPT SAYING, "YOU ALL THINK I'M A SLUT."

I MEAN, YOU MUST BE PARANOID ABOUT THAT.

- NO, I'M NOT PARANOID. I AM A SLUT.

- WELL, YOU KEEP SAYING IT.

YOU ARE A SLUT. GOOD. AT LEAST YOU ADMIT IT.

- YEP. - IT'S VERY CLEAR, BY THE WAY.

- SO IS EVERYTHING ELSE TONIGHT.

- WHAT IS--WHAT IS THAT?

- YOUR SISTER IS--IS WASTED OUT OF HER [bleep] MIND.

- SHE'S NOT WASTED.

[overlapping yelling]

WATCH YOUR [bleep] MOUTH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

[suspenseful music]

♪♪ ♪♪

I DON'T--I...

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH MY BREATH.

YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

- NEXT ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS...

- WHAT KIND OF BUDGET ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

- THE AVERAGE WEDDINGS IN BEVERLY HILLS

OF 180 GUESTS, ABOUT $1 MILLION.

- WHAT'S HE GONNA DO AS PARTY FAVORS?

GIVE PEOPLE A BAG OF MONEY?

- SUCH MEMORIES HERE.

I LIVED IN THAT HOUSE.

IF THEY THINK I SOLD IT FOR 20,000--?

ARE THEY OKAY?

- DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BABIES.

I WILL [bleep] KILL YOU.

REALLY?

- DON'T YOU [bleep] THREATEN ME.

- NO! NO! STOP IT!

- TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE HOUSEWIVES,

GO TO BRAVOTV.COM.

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