Original subtitles

NETFLIX PRESENTS

What's the number one most important thing in life?

That's right.

Cash.

And how do you think we get that cash, you little fuckers?

We take it directly from them.

Yeah, but you can't tell anyone. Think about it.

Yeah, yep.

- What's that there? - Nothing.

Okay.

You want to show me?

- For you. - For me?

- And who's that? - You.

- That's me? - Yeah.

You are remarkably untalented.

Mom, I don't hear a biological clock ticking.

Sweetie pie, you need to stop comparing yourself.

- You're well provided for, aren't you? - How am I provided for?

Well, with the perfect man by your side. He's intelligent, extremely sexy...

- Mama! - He'll be able to give you a child,

or actually, why not two?

Maybe I don't want a kid right now.

Mama, there's more to life than that.

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Oh, look at this one.

This is the new one, right?

Yes.

Here's a gift.

- She's right there. - I'll bring it over.

That's for me.

Oh my God, you're really fast.

Oh!

Larissa, why are you running around?

So, how do you like it?

This is quite nice, although...

too loud because of the airport.

Yeah. We have an attic apartment, old building.

And of course there's no garden, but there is a terrace, and a pool.

He has an apartment of a similar size,

no garden sadly, on the top floor.

But there's a pool.

Mm.

- Very good. - Yeah.

Um, I'm not sure about the old building. I tend to prefer, um...

younger.

Modern.

Do you daydream about me all the time, or why are you smiling like that?

No, I was wondering just how far you were gonna crawl up Ann-Kathrin's ass.

Why aren't you coming with us to the awards show tonight?

I won't be here. Going out of town with some friends.

Ah.

You know what that is? Friends?

Funny.

That works out quite well. This way you can proofread these over the weekend.

An-Ki said someone who isn't coming to the show should do that.

No, I'll be heading out in a second.

But I said over the weekend.

Thank you.

Oh, Janina.

- Anton. - Cute.

Thanks! You can like it.

Let them jerk off to the idea of a luxurious villa on the Côte d'Azur.

And, in fact, there will be a house on the Côte d'Azur, after all.

Although it's just for us.

So that's why you're gonna take that fucking phone in your hand and leak.

Shit.

Fuck.

Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

Shit!

Mom, I never said that I hated children.

I'm with 30 children every single day at work.

- Yeah, 'cause I'm not ready yet. - Fuck.

And Rachel, she...

What are you doing?

E-casting.

Yeah, all right.

- And? - I recently...

I'll just skip it. It's a shitty role.

And she already has two children in addition to...

Mama?

- Hello! - Hello?

- Hello! - Hello?

- Maria, can you hear me? Hello! - The... connection... is...

Oh God.

But why didn't Nils give you the whole suit?

Oh, it's 'cause his pants didn't fit.

Okay. We can't leave a mess, and we have to go right away.

Yeah, Mama.

Can't we just send them a text?

- Like any normal person? - Mm-mm.

These are our friends.

Where are your suitcases?

At home.

I said I was going to pick you up from work.

Yeah, you're doing it now.

Yeah. So we can leave right away.

You should've said something.

Hello?

Hello.

Thank you.

♪ Borders can be made ♪

♪ Trees may lose their color ♪

♪ Prayers for the rain ♪

♪ Armies can invade ♪

♪ Hands may use the power ♪

♪ Bombs that separate ♪

♪ It seems that we had gone too far ♪

♪ Whatever you are ♪

♪ As long as you stay ♪

♪ Welcome to the start ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ As long as you make ♪

♪ Welcome to the start, yeah ♪

♪ Even now that's just the two of us ♪

♪ And we are ready to prove ♪

It's weird how Nils invites us to his house

and he can't even manage to be here on time.

This house belongs to his father.

Well, I wish I had a father like that too.

No, you wouldn't want that.

Come.

I'll show you the sea.

♪ Masterclass, Mastercard ♪

♪ Special deal, special treatment Special interest, special guest ♪

♪ Super fine, super shiny ♪

Nils, can you please slow down? I feel sick. I might throw up in here.

You know that I'd have to kill you, right?

You know that blood stains are harder to get out than vomit.

Are you nervous?

Do you feel kind of guilty?

Do you feel kind of guilty?

What's up with you?

Do they have a key to the house?

No, why would they?

Well, I don't know, but my car is here.

Then they need a key for the car, not for the house.

I just wanted to know if they were already inside the house or not.

How could they? They've got no key.

- Wait a sec. - What?

You got something there.

Lick it off.

They're here!

- Hey, you were at the beach? - Mm-hmm.

Hey.

- Hey. - Hi, honey.

Hi.

- Hello. - Hello.

- You let your beard grow out. - Mm-hmm.

- I'll go get the luggage, okay? - Hey!

- Ah, hello! I'm sorry. - Hi.

- Want help? - Oh no, that's okay.

Yeah, I'll help you.

Okay, guys. I'm proposing that

we go around, and everyone gives their personal take on the past few weeks.

And we'll listen to each other without commenting.

No judging, no shaming.

Then we can find out what our experiences were and what we got out of it. Deal?

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Don't touch that.

These are my father's relics.

- But these are all for you. - Yeah.

I'm one of my father's relics.

- Okay, first can we unpack, maybe? - Good idea. Let's do it.

Oh, this'll be fun.

- Have you talked to him yet? - Well, when?

Okay, well, let's go unpack now.

Hey, hey, hey!

Can't we just send a text after all?

- I think I gotta go talk to her. - No, not now.

God.

I was gonna go smoke.

Uh, but did you want to talk about something?

Um...

I...

Nothing? No?

Okay. I got your winter coat from the cleaner. It's in there.

- Thank you. - Mm.

Can we talk?

Yeah. About what?

About the past four weeks.

Absolutely. I haven't had a full night's sleep in the last four weeks.

Do you know how Nils sleeps? Watch.

Like this. He lies there, and he makes sounds like this.

So you guys shared a bed?

No.

But I'm really looking forward to spending time with you

and lying on the couch together and cuddling.

I really missed you.

Yeah, me too.

Um, Nine...

Tell me, do we have any white wine here?

Uh...

No idea. I don't know.

Hm. Okay.

I'll check on that, okay?

Shit.

- Hey. - Hey.

How's it going in kindergarten?

Oh, it's okay. Another colleague is pregnant.

- And you? How's asshole Anton? - He'll probably win a shitty award today,

so I can forget about getting picked for editorial management.

What? You can't just let them walk all over you.

- You always get tons of clicks. - Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, do we have any white wine here?

Um, yeah.

- Ah, that's great. - You want some?

Yeah, for photos. I want to get more followers than him.

It won't be that difficult.

I once stalked his profile. What kind of cat is it?

- Why doesn't it have any fur? - Yeah, that cat. I don't know.

It's an Egyptian hairless cat, because of his allergies, blah.

He'll give you a whole speech about it if you ask him.

No, thank you.

Um...

Actually, can we talk?

Sure, we can always talk. So is this vegan?

What?

The wine.

Um, so it's Sylvaner, 12 percent.

No, I don't think there's chicken in there.

Uh, chicken?

No, it's probably not vegan. I-I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Is everything good with you?

We'll talk later.

Okay.

No, no problem. What do you have in mind?

- Mm-hmm. - Can you step out of the photo?

New building. I have a portfolio, yes.

But it's a little over your budget, Mrs. Bolshakov.

Yeah, 1.75.

Mm-hmm.

Excellent. No, super. I'll send that over right away.

All right, we'll talk soon, Mrs. Bolshakov. Bye.

Are you done?

Hm?

Thank you.

Well?

What are you doing?

Ironing.

Mm.

May I?

- Is Janina still outside? - Yep.

She's taking photos.

Well, that'll take a while.

- Did we really buy champagne? - Seems like it's been in there forever.

And? When do you want to tell her?

Have you told him already?

No, she doesn't need to, Ben.

But I think it's really shitty that you chose to come anyway.

- Ben and I... - "Ben and you" what?

- We have... - So, you...

- We have... - You've embarked on a partner swap

with the one rule of not having sex with each other.

Which, in itself, is a fabulously stupid idea.

And you've probably been banging like bunny rabbits.

And you came here why? Just to break up with us?

- Nils, let's... - Just shut up, Ben.

Here, a Band-Aid.

I'm really looking forward to tonight, when Janina finds out.

♪ Could it be different? ♪

♪ Did I ruin the day? ♪

♪ Oh, do you look angry? ♪

♪ Oh, what did I say? ♪

♪ Filling in the gaps Build a problem that ♪

♪ Neither of us needs Something wrong with me ♪

Here, go this way!

♪ I'm getting desperate, losing my mind ♪

♪ Oh, how do we get here every time... ♪

Hey. I just got through the first draft of your article.

Reads pretty smoothly, but it's still lacking a little pep.

I'm curious to see what you deliver after the weekend.

And if it's good, then we can talk about your promotion.

I'm going to the journalist awards event with Anton. Fingers crossed. Ciao ciao.

♪ I know, it's a me-thing ♪

♪ Eyes closed, isn't helping ♪

♪ When you go quiet, I hate myself ♪

♪ When you go quiet, I hate myself ♪

♪ Look at you sideways ♪

♪ Playing a game ♪

♪ Oh what if I laugh now? ♪

♪ I think I'm insane ♪

♪ Filling in the gaps Build a problem that ♪

♪ Neither of us need Something wrong with me ♪

♪ Pushing a boundary ♪

♪ Something to prove ♪

♪ Strong expectation ♪

♪ You already lose ♪

♪ Oh one will fold their arms One will do the dance ♪

♪ Really is no need Something wrong with me ♪

♪ No, I don't think I can help it ♪

That thing must have Bluetooth, right?

And what's it called? Oh yeah. No, got it.

♪ I saw you lookin' for the side door ♪

♪ You didn't wanna stick around for ♪

♪ The rest of the night ♪

♪ I guess that's all right ♪

♪ They all left when you walked home ♪

♪ It makes sense that they all know ♪

♪ It was only for you ♪

♪ If only you knew ♪

♪ What good is love ♪

♪ Without any strings? ♪

♪ Held it above ♪

♪ Stuck in between ♪

♪ Tell me for once ♪

How about an experiment?

No. No, not again.

Well, why not?

What could go wrong?

I read that couples only have to look into each other's eyes

for four minutes to build real intimacy between them.

- You read that, yeah? - I read that article too.

- Where's that? - Magazine.

In Cosmo Girl, was it?

No, in Women's Health. With the recipes.

You won't eat anything that casts a shadow?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm.

And then what happened?

With that thing you said with the couples.

They realized pretty quickly how they felt about each other.

Sounds pretty intense, at least according to their statements afterward.

- And you want to try that? - Mm.

You want to look me in the eyes for four minutes without saying a word?

No, he can't.

I don't really see any point in doing that, Nils.

Yeah, I understand. That might threaten your newfound happiness, right, Ben?

What'd he mean "new happiness"?

Uh, can you guys tell me what you're talking about?

Good question. Could Janina be missing some important info, you guys?

- Can you stop trying to provoke? - Yes, sure, if you can stop with your act.

What act?

Well, we're just two supporting actors in their little play.

Nils!

What? How much longer are you gonna keep this up, huh?

Oh wow.

I'm such a fucking dumbass.

You had sex.

- Yes. - Nine, you know none of this...

No, no, of course that wasn't planned.

That's why you were so eager when we proposed this four weeks ago.

Now you think you've found your great love or what?

Hey, hold on, now. Nobody said anything about a great love.

What do you mean by that?

Have you fallen in love?

Uh...

Have you fallen in love?

Nine, I...

Hey!

- Are you fucking crazy? - Am I?

- It's burning like hell. - Are you? We had rules!

We wanted to talk peacefully.

Important rules. You fucked?

Did you know about this?

Well, if I did, can I choose what you throw in my face?

Mrs. Bolshakov. Yeah. No, no bother at all.

Yeah.

No, it's not a problem. It's all there, and I can send it over right now.

- Here. - Thank you.

Yeah, no problem. You'll be receiving my email in a moment.

Yeah.

No, that's what I'm here for. You have a lovely weekend. Yes.

- You have... - One moment, hang on.

There.

Continue.

You've betrayed me.

We didn't do this to hurt you.

And you don't feel guilty about it at all?

We've known each other since we were little, but you don't seem to give a shit!

No, I...

I'm going to the bathroom.

So you two aren't best friends anymore?

So, are you going after her, or am I?

I'll go.

I think you actually make a really cute couple.

- Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second. - Just saying.

So sensitive, so... so soft.

He's such an understanding person.

A real down-to-earth guy.

Such a real one.

Oh God.

Such a good-natured one.

He's a really... really good friend.

Shit, I can't do this now.

Nine? Are you okay?

- Uh, yeah. - I'm coming in, okay?

No!

Nine, I...

I'm sorry this happened. I didn't want you to find out this way.

It's not what we planned.

Nils just... he, like, beat us to it.

Are you okay?

Uh, is that thing in your hand a pregnancy test?

I, um, found it in... I found it in the trash can.

Oh fuck.

Why is there a pregnancy test in the bathroom?

- What? - Is this yours?

No.

Why did you take a pregnancy test?

- Who do you assume that it's mine? - It's not mine.

- It's not Maria's. - Maybe it was Nils'.

- What? - Huh?

Yeah. A positive pregnancy test can indicate testicular cancer in men.

Oh, give me a break.

You two also slept together, didn't you?

- Why would you think that we... - Did you sleep together is what I asked.

Did you?

Well, you can't call that "sleeping" together.

- Fuck! - You're not serious, are you?

You made a whole fucking scene and you're not even following the rules?

Stupid rules.

Yeah, those bullshit rules. Ugh.

- And the test is positive, yeah? - Mm.

No idea. I don't know how to read these things.

That's none of your goddamn business!

Wait a minute. If you're pregnant,

then it's obviously at least one other person's business.

No, it actually concerns all of us.

How so? You'd rather be with Maria anyway, am I wrong?

- Fucking test. - Did I misunderstand something?

Just show me the fucking result.

Positive.

What?

Oh.

When were you going to tell us?

I just wanted to wait a bit.

Why's that? Is there anyone else who could be the father?

Are you crazy? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

That I sleep with everyone?

Well, I mean...

You play the victim and then let Nils just knock you up?

- What is wrong with you? - Why? You wanna break up anyway.

Why do you even care now?

Well, wait a minute. He could also be the father.

I was with her for, like, two years. Obviously I care.

...this shit on me, are you kidding me?

All I'm trying to say is...

Why don't you step the fuck off and let me deal with it?

Hello!

You're not helping anything by being here.

Bullshit!

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you.

- Fuck you. - Fuck you.

Do you want a sip?

No, that's... that's done for now.

Nine?

What?

Why?

Why what?

♪ How could I ever forget? ♪

♪ Those eyes looking for my weal ♪

♪ How could I ever know... ♪

Did you mean to kill me earlier?

Yeah.

Maybe I wanted to kill you.

I don't get it.

Why?

You were done with me anyway.

I never said that I was done with you.

But I thought that was your plan.

So what was our plan?

Guys, I don't have a plan.

Congratulations.

Hm?

Well, you're a papa.

Guys, can't you do the math?

You could both be the father.

- We need to talk. - Yeah.

So, I, uh... think that Jonas is a good name for a boy.

You don't give a shit about anything, huh?

What, 'cause I'm not freaking out about possibly being the father?

If I had known that it would end up like this,

I would never have proposed the shitty experiment.

Uh, well, sticking to the rules might have been enough.

- Oh man, you're one to talk. - Okay, stop.

We all fucked up.

You're having a child.

We were just indulging in some stupid illusion.

What do you mean "illusion"?

Well, the illusion that monogamy works.

And why shouldn't monogamy work?

There are some animals species that are just as monogamous as humans.

- What person's truly monogamous? - Yeah.

Have a look around.

Name me three mammals that are monogamous, Nine.

Wolves.

Foxes.

Penguins even live in long-distance relationships.

Bullshit.

Yes. Some species of birds and, I don't know, probably dolphins.

Dolphins are gang rapists.

Mammals usually tend to be instinct-driven,

- and humans are mammals. - But we have feelings.

Hold on. As a vegan, you're trying to tell me animals don't have feelings?

No. But we have feelings, and we can actually reflect them.

Can we, though?

Well, maybe we're not perfectly monogamous penguins,

but we are nonetheless animals with a powerful sex drive.

Or in your case, as we found out, reproductive urge.

Then why did you even make up these stupid rules when it's all about sex?

The swap wasn't about sex.

Swapping partners is always about sex, Maria.

In the editorial office, they said that some couples reunited after trying a swap.

Yeah, during the first two weeks of it,

you might enjoy your new freedom.

But then you come to realize what you really want

and what you truly value in a relationship.

How many members of your editorial team took part in it?

Nils, I wasn't happy.

Then why didn't you just talk to me?

It's not enough if just one person speaks.

Look, other couples get together, they stay together, they have children.

It's all wonderful.

But they don't have sex anymore.

We do.

That was probably the only thing

where the two of us were on the exact same page.

But we wanted to find out what was missing in our relationship.

Why it wasn't great.

And did you find out?

What?

What was missing.

Ben opens up.

He talks about his feelings.

Yeah, he also talks about his fears.

- That right? - Nils!

Yeah, that's just great. I've gotta give you credit for that.

I think that's really superb.

Why didn't you just tell me you were missing that?

- 'Cause I wasn't aware of it. - Oh, okay!

And now that's my problem?

It's my fault? Because...

- Okay, were you happy? - Yeah, of course I was happy.

One thousand days, I was happy.

- I could even tell you the happiest day. - Oh, the day.

So you were only really happy that one day.

I didn't say that. There are days we're happier...

What's so wrong with wanting to be happy with someone every day?

- Reality. - Or cynicism.

No, it's not cynicism.

You don't have to be happy every day to have a happy relationship.

Anyone else want a drink?

Well, as of right now,

I don't really remember the last time that I was genuinely happy.

Well, that's also normal.

Yeah, all the bad memories usually stand out more vividly than the good ones.

That's why you tend to hate your exes so much.

So now you hate me?

Nine, that's not what I just said.

So then we're still together.

If we'd actually been that happy,

you wouldn't have suggested this swap in the first place.

Ben, I wasn't the one who suggested this swap.

I told Maria about it, and she was the one who wanted to do it.

You snitch.

That's how it was.

And what's that gonna change?

Well, then I would like to do the experiment.

Uh, what experiment?

- The one we were talking about earlier. - Huh?

- Yeah? - With the eye contact.

Oh, you want to look at us in the eye for four minutes now?

No, I want to look at Ben for four minutes.

We need a watch.

Here.

Good.

Well then.

Let's all shut up and look each other in the eye for four minutes straight

- until the timer rings. All right? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Four minutes.

Let's go.

♪ I saw the part of you ♪

♪ That only when you're older You will see too ♪

♪ You will see too ♪

♪ I held the better cards ♪

♪ But every stroke of luck Has got a bleed through ♪

♪ It's got a bleed through ♪

♪ You held the balance of the time ♪

♪ That only blindly I could read you ♪

♪ But I could read you ♪

♪ It's like you told me ♪

♪ Go forward slowly ♪

♪ It's not a race to the end ♪

♪ Well, you look like yourself ♪

♪ But you're somebody else ♪

♪ Only it ain't on the surface ♪

♪ Well, you talk like yourself ♪

♪ No, I hear someone else though ♪

♪ Now you're making me nervous ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ You were the better part ♪

♪ Of every bit of beating heart That I had ♪

♪ Whatever I had ♪

♪ I finally sat alone ♪

♪ Pitch black flesh and bone ♪

♪ Couldn't believe that you were gone ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Well, you look like yourself ♪

♪ But you're somebody else ♪

♪ Only it ain't on the surface ♪

♪ Well, you talk like yourself ♪

♪ No, I hear someone else though ♪

♪ Now you're making me nervous... ♪

- Oh, oh! - Oh, fuck me!

Fuck!

Fuck me!

Bucket, bucket!

- Get a bucket! - Oh shit!

- Hang on, I gotta take a picture. - Get a bucket!

No, I have to take photos. She needs followers.

After this, she'll have more than the Kardashians.

- Oh fuck. - Ben! The bucket, come on!

Ben! In the kitchen.

A little...

A little duck face, real quick.

This is karma, people. This is karma.

Are you crazy?

Go get a bucket now.

Okay.

And a rag and paper towel.

It's in the kitchen, Maria.

♪...somebody else Only it ain't on the surface ♪

Oh shit.

♪ Well, you talk like yourself ♪

♪ No, I hear someone else though ♪

♪ Now you're making me nervous ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ Well, you look like yourself... ♪

Man, did you enjoy that as much as me?

- What are you doing? - I want to go home.

Okay.

Hold on. Who should drive you? Me or Ben?

With... with Janina's car or what?

You really enjoy this, don't you?

A little, yeah.

Man, it's too complicated!

Maria, this isn't a Facebook status.

- Just let me through. - No.

- Just let me though! - No.

- Nils, just let me... - No.

Oh, are you serious?

Shit!

No, no, no, Maria!

Are you out of your mind?

Hey! Don't. Careful.

Everything's fall... Careful!

- Let me go! Let go! - Stop it!

Are you... Hey!

Did you want to kill yourself, or what?

Nine, we're on the first floor.

Really, it didn't have to...

Shit.

Ow!

Do you know what you're doing?

Of course.

I played a paramedic once.

What would you do if I killed myself now?

Would you regret wanting to break up with me?

Nine, can you please just stop embarrassing yourself like this?

♪ Fear, don't you find me now ♪

♪ Don't you make me blind, no, no ♪

♪ Don't you tie me down... ♪

You know what?

I think it's time for me to say thank you.

No, it's nice. Everyone's really playing their part here.

Maria ensures a little fresh air in the bedroom.

You play the sexy nurse role.

Janina cleans up properly. Everyone does what they can.

Isn't it nice?

That's friendship.

♪ I'm tired of being alone ♪

♪ Every night, every night ♪

♪ Struck out, cold ♪

♪ In my fright, in my fright ♪

♪ I need it in my bones ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light... ♪

I always say, if you want to cook a really cozy date meal,

then the only thing you really need, eggs and herbes de Provence.

And this is the moment when you take it out and you say, "Voila."

"Wild herbs that grow in the south of France." You open it up,

you know the perfect amount.

That's when she thinks, "Ah, this'll taste great."

And then you swing over here, a little egg. Nothing to see.

One, two, three, the panties will drop.

Oh man, Janina. This is...

♪ All along the road ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light ♪

♪ I'm tired of being alone ♪

♪ Every night, every night ♪

♪ Struck out, cold ♪

♪ In my fright, in my fright ♪

♪ I need it in my bones ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light ♪

Are you still up?

Mm.

Ben. Hey, isn't this crazy?

One of us is going to be a father.

Mm-hmm.

Nils.

Huh?

I can't be that baby's father.

Why?

Wait.

You weren't having sex anymore?

What? We were.

There you go.

I can't father children.

What?

Yes, you must be the father 'cause I can't have children.

Hold on, are you sure?

Why not?

Come on, doesn't matter.

I can't be that baby's father.

That's it.

Fuck.

Oh fuck.

Yep.

Congratulations.

You're the papa.

♪ Struck out, cold ♪

♪ In my fright, in my fright ♪

♪ I need it in my bones ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light ♪

♪ Faith, don't you close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't know where to go, no, no ♪

♪ Don't take me by surprise ♪

♪ And shame ♪

♪ Don't you make a sound ♪

♪ Don't you break me in No, no ♪

♪ Don't you shake me down ♪

♪ All along the road ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light ♪

♪ I'm tired of being alone ♪

♪ Every night, every night ♪

♪ Struck out, cold ♪

♪ In my fright, in my fright ♪

♪ I need it in my bones ♪

♪ Give me light, give me light ♪

Whoa! Ben, you fucking crazy or what?

Sorry.

I-I didn't mean...

Uh...

I thought you were Ben.

Is everyone going insane in this house?

FRAGILE

Where's Janina?

No idea.

Her car is still here.

Didn't she say where she was going?

Mm-mm.

She was already gone when I woke up.

Her phone's still here.

- What's that? - Sleeping pills. And it's empty.

You say something to her?

What? What should I have said?

No.

What's wrong?

Shit.

Yeah, we gotta go find her.

Ben, don't you think you're overreacting a bit?

No, you know Janina.

This is one of her games again. She's probably fine.

But Janina would never leave without her phone.

Nine!

Nine!

Nine!

Nine!

Nine!

Oh goddamnit.

Oh...

Janina!

Janina!

Janina!

Janina!

Janina!

What's he doing?

Oh God!

He's been looking for you.

- Me? - Yeah.

Oh thank God! Where were you?

I... I was jogging.

What? Since when do you go jogging?

What's the matter with you guys?

I... Why didn't you take your phone with you?

My battery died.

I thought you might have done something to yourself.

Were you really worried about me?

Or about your baby?

It's not his baby.

We don't know that yet.

Right?

- Yes. - No.

Yes.

It's certain because I had an undescended testicle as a kid.

Oh fuck.

And that means what?

I can't father any children.

Yeah, the baby can only be from Nils.

And why didn't you just say that?

For what?

Oh, so you can think I'm even more of a loser than you do now?

I'm already the failed actor.

- Isn't that enough? - Ben.

It's true.

- Ben! - Ben, come on.

Come on, nobody said that you... Ben, you're not a loser

just 'cause your testicle does its own thing. This is dumb.

What? What's the aesthetic like down there, like a Picasso vibe?

- Yeah. - My goodness, wandering testicles.

That's nature. It's ebb and flow.

Hey, your fucking sarcasm and your fucking jokes.

Calm down. Calm down, calm down!

- If you don't shut your fucking mouth... - Hey, come back here!

Ben, just calm down!

Your fucking shitty-ass comments are so fucking annoying!

- Hey, calm down! Calm down! - Stop it!

Ben!

- Hey, stop! - Hey, Ben, I have trophies in my closet.

Youth sports! Athletic awards!

Guys!

Guys, stop!

Calm down, guys!

Hey!

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Shit.

Oh fuck.

Congratulations.

I'm not going, I'm not going!

What are you doing?

Come on, man.

Oh, so it's not with... out...

So...

I'm gonna make it a little steamier in here.

Add a little oomph, you know?

Nils.

I'm sorry... that I went after you like that.

Ah, don't worry.

- Ben. - Hm?

Uh, tell me, just out of interest,

about your testicle, is that, uh...

- Ugh. Oh, you and your balls. - Nils.

What? I'm just asking him a question.

Can we please stop talking about my balls?

Sorry.

To some extent, everyone is a little bi, you know.

Yeah?

Yes. Statistically, everyone experiences some homosexual fantasies

about a friend, male or female.

- Uh, statistically speaking? - Mm-hmm.

Have you had those thoughts about me?

I mean, I think everyone would generally agree that you have beautiful breasts.

That's true.

Yeah.

Did you have fantasies about each other?

- Yeah. - No.

- What? - Yeah.

- Now it's getting interesting. - Of course. Come on, yeah.

No.

I see.

Well, I...

It might just be the weed talking,

but I'm just curious as to what you two find attractive about him. I mean...

- You smoked weed? - Yeah.

Uh-huh. When was that?

Earlier.

I just needed it to get through this day.

Well then, that's it.

- What? - What?

I think everyone should try everything once.

Yeah, she's right.

Come on, Ben.

Loosen up now. Here, up.

Okay.

Wow, not bad.

Man, this is blowing my mind here. I-I really went up on my toes.

Your lips are soft.

I always thought a beard would be scratchy...

- Me too. - ...but it was like lying on a bed.

It felt incredibly soft.

Yeah, you're a great kisser.

Hm.

Well...

I still love you, man.

You think gay people are happier in general?

We were talking about monogamy yesterday.

Isn't it true that...

a lot of gay people have open relationships?

I kind of think that's a cliché.

Mm-hmm.

I believe that most gays have no relationships at all.

What?

- What's wrong? - You're such a blatant homophobe.

I'm not a homophobe.

I'm not afraid of gays. They can do what they want.

- Yeah, right. - I mean, Florian and Christian.

They've been together forever, and they seem really happy.

Although maybe it's because they've always been open.

Yeah. Or maybe they just figured out a way to have casual sex without

calling all their feelings into question.

Yeah. And we just haven't figured that out.

No, we really haven't.

What makes a good relationship anyway?

Well?

- It was a question. - I see.

- Honesty. - No.

Wow.

Yeah, probably.

Security.

- Oh... Janina. - Oh no.

You're right.

- Aw, so sweet. - Yeah.

- I really mean it. - Yeah.

Well, I mean, the feeling when you come home from work

and you say to someone, "Honey, I'm home!"

And then they'll say, "I'm here."

Or, "Honey, I made you something to eat."

Do I want that?

- Do you want that? - Yeah, maybe I do.

Whoa, I'm really hungry.

None of us said fidelity.

Maybe it's because fidelity should be something that...

is a given in a relationship.

Yeah, well, maybe that confirms what I was just saying.

What did you just say?

Polygamy is not at all the same as polyamory. That's...

you can go have sex with someone else and still remain faithful somehow.

Yeah, how?

- Emotionally. - I see.

Hm.

Yeah, maybe we should start asking

what is harming our relationships instead of what's good for them.

What? That's a good point.

Hold on. Hang on. Can you say that again?

Well...

- Yeah, cell phones! - Huh?

No, not just cell phones. But everything else related to them.

The entire internet, this... this constant overstimulation.

Yeah.

Yeah, there are always too many stimuli that endanger our relationships

and make us all completely unable to commit to one another.

Look, we're... we're like the very first generation

to have grown up with the internet in our lives.

Every day online, we see how we should live

or what amazing thing we're missing out on.

And once we're in our mid-20s, we believe...

that we've found this one person...

whom we will marry and then with whom we'll...

buy windbreakers that are matching colors and...

a house with a garden and, like, a giant trampoline in the back.

I just don't understand how my parents managed to do it.

- Well, they just didn't swap partners. - Yeah.

And why does this one person have to be everything for us?

It's obvious we'll fail to meet those demands.

Hey, but to fail, you have to try in the first place.

There are so... so many solutions.

What solutions?

You see your parents as role models? Stay together no matter what?

No, I'm not saying that.

There are also children who want to set themselves apart from their parents.

Yeah. If they can.

Yeah, and you've gotta have the balls for it.

Ha ha ha ha. Thank you.

- No, I didn't mean it that way. - Yeah, but you thought it.

You're being a little bit pouty.

- No, really, you're a little sensitive. - I don't find that funny.

I'll make you... I'll go make you an egg. There.

You could've just tried to be honest.

You could've just tried being honest with me

instead of feeling sorry for yourself all the time

and bitching and moaning about how every role you get sucks.

I really tried my best to support you for the past two years.

I even paid for those method acting workshops you wanted.

Janina.

Tell me, do you see what you're doing?

You can only blame other people.

And then when it comes to your own problems,

you just freeze up, Nina.

- Don't call me Nine anymore. - I've called you that for two years, Nine.

And for two years, it's made me want to barf!

She just said "barf."

Maybe you should switch to water instead.

Why's that?

An alcohol problem is an ideal fit for a life of failure.

You guys, we were doing so well.

Well, you know what?

By the way, I got a leading role in a soap.

No. Wow, that's great, Ben.

Have an egg.

Yeah, maybe I should have told you.

But to be honest,

you would've ended up leaving even if I'd told you.

How do you know?

When did I ever once make you feel like I wanted kids?

I wanted to develop a career.

And most of all, I wanted your career to take off.

Man, if we'd wanted to have children, there would've been a thousand options.

We could've done in vitro fertilization, sperm donation, adoption, something else.

Because your ex-girlfriends broke up with you over it

you just assume I would've done that too?

Yeah.

Maybe because you just fell in love with me 'cause...

'cause you think an actor boyfriend is Instagram-worthy

and will look cute in a stupid couple's photo.

Do you really think that?

Okay.

Mrs. Bolshakov.

Yeah.

No, we can postpone it, no problem.

When would be good?

The 24th.

No, that'd be good.

Yes, I did. No, I wrote it down.

Okay. No problem.

Yeah, have a nice weekend. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye.

We have to go on somehow now, don't we?

We have to find a way, all of us.

Nine, you're pregnant.

So how do you think we should move forward?

Just pretend like nothing happened?

That worked out pretty well two years ago.

Huh?

Two years ago? What?

What happened two years ago?

They...

The two of them have done it before.

Hey, this is good. This is...

This is good that we're getting everything out in the open now.

When?

But does that matter? Janina didn't even know that I knew.

- I'm really sorry. - Oh come on. Jesus.

No, no, really. I...

We weren't really together yet. Um...

I... I didn't really know where this was going, and so I...

I see. So the whole time I was running after you like some douchebag...

and you two were fucking, and I'm the only one here who didn't know about it?

I've being playing the perfect boyfriend this whole time.

And you've been lying to my face for two years.

Shit.

How the fuck did we stick it out for so long?

You have some fucking annoying quirks, you realize that?

Starting with the fact that we always arrive late for stuff

because you need your big entrance.

And don't even get me started on your shitty vegan lifestyle

and your ridiculous need to follow every dumb trend.

Your pathological need to constantly curate your life

gets to the point where you disconnect from reality.

And you know in reality, you can't just slap a pretty filter

on your relationships, Nine.

Or here. How many series have we watched together, huh?

A million.

And how many did we watch to the end?

Yeah. Not a single one.

We still don't know what ended up happening to that fucking dragon queen.

And why don't we know?

Because when you think a show is really great,

you don't want to watch it till the end,

because it sucks to know the end if you ever want to rewatch it.

Or, the best quirk of all,

you expect me to eat all your raisins because you don't like them!

Every single time you pile your shitty raisins onto my plate,

and I'm supposed to eat them!

I hate raisins.

But you never even asked me. I just quietly ate them.

Oh, come on, that was an amazing performance.

Ben, respect, genuinely. 'Cause that was...

That was Gladiator without the horse. That was... that was Game of Thrones...

You're having quite a lot of fun here, aren't you?

You pretend to be a friend, all the while you're fucking my girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah, well you... you've been fucking his girlfriend as well.

- So now I guess you're even. - Yeah.

And you stayed with him?

Yeah. 'Cause he honestly... he told me that, and...

I wanted to give myself some kind of free pass.

Ah. And such a free pass

gives you total permission to just go fuck your friend's girlfriend? Hm?

- Friend? We hardly knew each other, Ben. - That was...

- What do you want to hear? - I don't know. An answer?

An apology.

Okay.

What would that do?

I have a feeling that your little raisins are slowly rising up to your brain now.

Oh fuck.

Jesus! Are you crazy?

Oh God.

Oh God.

- Oh... - It's not that bad.

- Oh God. - He didn't even hit right.

Oh, I'm bleeding.

I really thought you liked raisins.

That's your big takeaway from this, huh?

- Oh, so Nils... - Huh?

Just to answer your questions about what it looks like,

and just to fuel your fantasies a little...

Whoa.

You guys.

Wow.

This is the champagne.

It cost 200 euros.

Can you lose the yuppie talk for a second?

Wait, I'll help you.

- Doesn't... - Don't put your nose above it. Careful.

Don't pull. It's okay.

Goddamnit.

Let me do it. Where is it?

- I've got it. - No, no, let me.

Man.

Hey, Janina, it's Ann-Kathrin.

I've been thinking everything over.

We can use this swap experiment as a great hook.

This is gonna be awesome.

I think if you can keep this going long enough,

- we'll get juicy material for our readers... - Fuck!

And the idea of the pregnancy test? Genius.

- I never thought you'd pull this off. - Shit, shit!

You really got some balls, girl.

So, yeah, yeah. If you want it, you'll have your own column now.

Huh?

So I guess we were just your guinea pigs.

You really staged all of this?

But the test. It read out positive.

- No. - What?

It's fake. It's just a movie prop.

I...

Well, it's...

Somehow everything took on a life of its own, and then...

I couldn't find a way to get out of it.

Hold on. That means I won't be a father?

They were...

at the editorial office,

they were looking for someone who was interested in trying this experiment.

It was being conducted by the editorial management.

So it was a great opportunity to finally get them to take notice of me.

Mrs. Bolshakov.

Mrs. Bolshakov, hello.

It's the weekend.

Yeah.

Of course, you can fuck right off.

Huh?

Then feel free to complain.

Preferably to my father.

He'd be thrilled to have another excuse to be disappointed again.

Well, you think you have enough for your article?

I've always asked myself why you're the only one who...

just doesn't seem to understand

how utterly perfect you and Nils are as a couple.

Instead, you decide to screw up the perfect relationship

and do your own ego-driven thing.

What's so terrible about finding a perfect partner and then...

getting married to him, and having children, building a house?

And in the end,

well, yeah, you end up having one of those shitty trampolines

in your overgrown garden.

But if he's really the one, then what does it matter what you missed or...

what other stimuli pop up in your environment?

I'll go pack up.

I was hoping that if I loved you enough, it would save our relationship,

but it didn't.

And, yeah, I am the calculating, ice-cold journalist

who sells out her friends to reach her goal.

And you three are the Good Samaritans who know everything about everything.

Yeah, or...

Or maybe not. If you were, we wouldn't have done this swap.

We all ended up sabotaging our own relationships.

And I'm truly sorry that I hurt you guys.

Yeah, I...

At least you should try to be honest, right?

Yeah. Yeah, one should be honest.

When were you planning on being honest with Maria

and tell her the real reason you brought that champagne?

What does she mean?

He wanted to propose to you.

But then you got so excited about doing the partner swap...

Also... Uh, I finished watching Game of Thrones.

And the dragon queen dies.

I'm terribly sorry.

I couldn't make it here any faster.

We've made an awful mistake.

I don't understand. What... what's going on?

You are engaged to my best friend.

We should never have slept with one another.

Hey, that was just a slip-up.

We talked about this already.

She must never find out about it.

That's won't be possible, though.

How so?

I'm pregnant.

Didn't we use a condom each time?

It... I guess it broke.

- And you don't take the pill? - No.

You have to do another test then.

I did three tests already, John. I'm pregnant.

Valentina's gonna leave me.

No, you... you're right. She must never find out about it.

You shouldn't risk losing what you two have together.

I'm going to be a father. I can't just lie to her.

You... you shouldn't lie to her.

You should... just try to conceal the truth.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You're right.

Okay.

No.

Look at her.

PARTNER SWAP: THE ULTIMATE JOURNEY TO SELF DISCOVERY?

So? Ready for your ultrasound?

Hello. Hey, gentlemen.

- Should I look? - Yeah.

I'll take a look, okay?

I'll stop here very quickly at the beginning, and then I go here.

I'm just thinking about it. This is my entire performance.

Did you really want to... or... yeah, but...

Muh.

- Excuse me? - I'm having little... I'm having...

- Honey, what's wrong with you? - Having a stroke.

Yes, very good.

Ah!

- Just show me the result. Oh fuck. - Give it to me!

I almost fell over.

Everyone ready?

Ready?

One-one, first marker.

Why did Nils give you the...

Oh, come on.

- I'll do the reception... - I just said that.

- You did? - Yeah.

No!

He'll probably win a shitty award today.

- I can forget editorial management. - What?

Forget about. Fuck my life.

Hold on, I'll do it again.

Sure we can talk. So is this vegan?

- Ah, the cat, the cat, the cat. - The cat.

- Huh? - Yeah, yeah!

Marker.

You are my maiden.

- Then I'll... I'll just do this. - No, you are mine.

No, you are mine. You are my property!

Hello!

- Elizabeth. - John.

Elizabeth.

- Just a little bit. - You're so hardcore.

"Hard" is misleading in this context.

Oh God. We gotta get this right.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

Come on. Come on!

Come on, take a peek!

Wow!

Shit.

- Guys, this one really sucks. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Shit.

I can't. It just doesn't work.

This is so bad.

We're up!