Original subtitles

Oui, bien sur.

Salut. Salut.

Ouistiti!

Tres bien. Merci.

Guignol? Guignol! Ou es-tu?

Ou es-tu, Guignol?

♪ Do you remember the first time

♪ That my eyes set on you?

♪ Your smile came from nowhere

♪ For sometime never Or sometime soon

♪ The road is a long one

♪ I was only passing through

Listen. I'm not staying any longer than an hour.

I've been rushed off my feet all day.

I'm knackered, and I've still got presents to wrap,

but Jeremy said he's got a surprise for me,

and don't I wanna sound like the Grinch.

You? Sound like the Grinch

Hey! I'll have you know

I am the most Christmassy person in the world.

I've even been known to make me own paper chains.

Is that right? Yes, from scratch.

Plus... you know how amorous Judith can get with me

after a couple of bottles of Champagne.

Well, who can blame her?

This is, erm...

This is something I've been meaning to give you for a while.

Oh, erm...

I-I'm loving our time together, Dom,

but do you think it's a bit early to be thinking about...?

Oh, no, no, no, no! No, it's not... it's not that.

What? No, I-I'm not proposing. Look...

It's a key. It's just a key. It's just a key to my house.

See? Oh! Oh, right. Sorry.

In hindsight, it's the wrong box.

Sorry! It's the wrong box.

Anyway, that's for you. Sorry.

Look, erm, Jean, I'm...

I'm absolutely loving this. You know, us.

I'm hearing a "but" coming.

No, no. No, not at all.

I'm absolutely loving this... time together.

Just... me and you, you know, our little secret.

Can we keep it like that for a bit?

You know, before the whole world finds out?

Dom...

That's so romantic. Exactly.

I don't want anything or anyone to ruin this.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Hiya... Surprise!

Oh, lovely. It's from Geraldine.

Haven't heard from her for years.

She was one of our bridesmaids, do you remember, darling?

Darling!

Ah! I've just been showing Dominic the advocaat we've had shipped in.

I had an urge for one at the golf club,

and I've stocked La Couronne up with it.

They'll be flying out of the door. It's a Christmas staple.

Uncle Patrick practically weaned me on the stuff.

Now, shall we go through to the dining room and see the tree?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, erm...

Hello?

Oh. Yeah, OK. Yes, I'm on my way.

OK, erm...

I'm so sorry, but that was Caron, and he really needs my help.

Can we do advocaat later?

Of course we can!

Something's happened at the Christmas market.

Can you give me a lift?

Sure, come on. I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't worry, darling.

They can come and see the tree later.

Hm! Right, what have we got here, then?

Hiya. Who's that?

Christian Delise, the son of the victim.

He is inebriated and can't stop crying.

Well, what's happened?

His father, Frederick Delise, performs the show with him.

When his father was taking a break,

he removed the puppet from his hand,

and when he put it back on, the puppet must have been replaced

with an identical one but with one fatal addition.

Super-sharp razor blades had been cleverly sewn on the inside,

slicing his main artery.

He was discovered quite quickly, but unfortunately,

he suffers from a condition called von Willebrand disease,

where even small cuts can be fatal,

as the blood does not coagulate quick enough.

He's currently fighting for his life.

That's horrific.

And what about the son?

Eyewitnesses say he was doing the show when it happened.

He had his hands in two puppets on stage,

so he could not have possibly replaced the puppet.

And, judging by how distraught he is,

I can't think why he would.

Now, do you...

do you know anything about puppets?

Well, it looks like an original Guignol puppet, yeah.

I mean, about 1810,

possibly made by the puppeteer himself, Laurent Mourguet,

but you can never tell.

He was a tooth-puller, and he made puppets

to distract the patients from their pain.

Oh. Hang on.

No, I'm sorry, this is actually a brilliant copy.

How do you know?

Well, you see, the original would've been hand-stitched,

and this has been made on a machine, and you can smell the coffee.

Yeah. Erm... That's a classic way of ageing fabric.

No, this puppet, it's been made for the job in hand.

- Jean. - Christian?

"Job in hand". Christian!

Come to gloat, have you?

Go away, Mother!

- See you later. - Thank God you're here!

Oh, Gloria, I need to tell someone.

What on earth's the matter?

Nancy, my best friend, is in the UK,

and Jean is at some crime scene, so I thought of you.

Well, I'm very flattered to be third choice.

I received a Christmas card from one of my bridesmaids.

She told me, very gently,

that the priest who married me and Jeremy nearly 38 years ago...

is not a priest at all.

Oh, no! I know.

She saw a news article about him.

The priest character was a cover,

and he's actually a member of the Parisian Mafia

and is serving 30 years in prison for his heinous crimes.

Wow.

Which means that I am...

...a scarlet woman.

I've never been married. What... What can I do?

Er, well...

First things first, you have to tell Jeremy.

I can't. I don't think I can find the words.

It's Jeremy.

What do I do? What do I do? All right.

Answer the phone and act naturally. Yes.

Hello, foxy chops!

Yeah, no, I'm at the garage.

I forgot to tell you that Gloria has invited us

for Christmas drinks at the pub.

Yes. See you there.

Mwah, mwah, mwah!

Thank you. Right.

I'd best go and get changed, then.

Giselle said you weren't answering your phone,

so I thought I'd better come down and see if you were OK.

Pardon, madame...?

Oh, Joanna.

Who is Giselle?

She's my granddaughter. She lives with us.

It's a long story.

You got your own way in the end, didn't you, Mother dear?

You hated the ground he walked on!

She left me and my dad when I was ten.

Ran away with another man. Leaving me alone.

Didn't you, Mother?

You know it was never like that, Christian.

Er, could you give your details to one of my officers

in case we have any more questions? Yeah, of course.

Take care. Thank you.

Hello? Calm... Calm down, Jeremy.

Monsieur Delise, do you remember seeing anything unusual?

Please, I just want to go to the hospital to see my father.

But I still have to take the show down.

My officers and I will help you with that

and then give you a lift to the hospital.

It's probably best you don't drive.

Of course. Thank you.

OK. Yeah.

Thanks for your help. I can take it from here.

OK, well, if you need any more help, just give me a call.

Of course. Yeah.

Do you fancy a quick drink in La Couronne?

Jeremy needs my help.

Oh, dear, you look like you need this.

Oh, thank you. On the house.

Thank you.

Hang on. I own the house.

Treat yourself, then. It's Christmas Eve.

Oh! Thank goodness. Quickly.

Before Judith arrives. What's going on?

I just got a call from one of my groomsmen from my wedding.

Apparently, he found out the priest that married us 37 years ago

was in fact a member of the Parisian Mafia.

He was undercover as a priest, meaning...

we were never married.

Crikey!

Does... Does Judith know? No, of course not.

Don't you think you should tell her?

No, please don't say anything. Any of you!

I need some thinking time.

Course not, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Erm...

Look, we're right here for you, for both of you.

Another on the house?

Oh, thank you.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Here she is, Christmas personified.

Whey!

Merry Christmas, Judith.

Thank you, Jean.

Merry Christmas, Judith.

Merry Christmas, Jeremy.

Shall we have, erm, a quick one before the choir starts?

Ooh, good idea. Let's grab a table. I'll bring them over. Usual?

Yeah, thanks, Glo. You're an angel.

Yeah, I am.

Ooh, I like your headwear. I like yours.

That's brilliant!

Thank you.

Hey. Can you keep a secret?

I was just about to ask you the same thing.

You go first.

Judith has found out from her old bridesmaid

that the priest who married her and Jeremy isn't really a priest.

She's distraught. Wish we could help.

That's just what Jeremy told me.

Let me have a think.

Keep going.

Right, round here.

Now stop and look up.

What? Well, in the sky. Look up.

Right, now. Up there...

...is NGC 2264.

Catchy name

Well, it is a large emission nebula,

located about... 2,500 light years away

in the constellation of Monoceros.

But it is most famous

for looking exactly like a Christmas tree.

Aw.

When you're talking about astronomy, well,

I don't know what you're on about half the time, but...

the way you say it, it's lovely.

I've had the best Christmas Eve in... years.

Yeah? Yeah, me too.

Erm... It doesn't have to end now.

Oh. I-I meant... Well, if you're not ready...

Oh, no, no. I am more than ready.

Oh. Oh, sorry. No, that sounded a bit too keen, didn't it?

No, not at all.

Erm, I just need to make sure you mean...

...what I think you mean

That is exactly what I mean.

Just a minute.

What's that?

That's just a few overnight things.

Actually, this bag has been in the boot of the car

since we first kissed.

Oh! I see.

Well... be a shame not to use it, then, eh?

Now... I couldn't find your Christmas mugs,

so I just used the regular ones.

Christmas mugs? You sound like Gloria.

Who do you think bought me all mine?

I got you a present. Oh, you haven't.

Ooh.

Oh, my...

Oh, wow.

Is that an armillary sphere? You haven't got one, have you?

No, no, no. I've always wanted one, though.

Oh, good. Oh, wow, that is amazing.

So, go on. Show me what it does.

Oh, right, well, when, er...

when you turn this, you see the movements

of the constellations around the Earth.

Oh, thank you so much, Jean.

I love it. Aw!

I've actually got you a present as well.

Oh. OK.

Oh, now, I wonder what that can be?

Well, it's not an air fryer.

How did you know?

Well, I asked Charlie who your favourite artists were,

and he's the only one I'd ever heard of.

Oh, Dom, that... that's so kind.

Come here.

Erm, sorry.

Merry Christmas, Carol.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Yeah. OK. Erm, I'll call Dom

and see if he can, erm, drive me over.

What's up?

Frederick passed away in the night.

It's now a murder Inquiry. Oh...

I'm so sorry to ruin our day.

Don't be daft. You're not ruling anything.

Jeremy and Judith always book me

to take them to church Christmas morning

because, well, they're usually too hung over to drive.

Well, they didn't strike me as the religious type.

No, no, they're not. They go to church once a year...

just in case.

Right, I'll tell you what, I'll drop you off,

and then we'll meet up later.

Thanks, Dom.

Come here.

In a bit. See you in a bit. See you later.

Ooh, full uniform on Christmas Day? Er, sign of respect.

I'm still on duty, and a murder has been committed.

Fair enough.

Thank you for giving me some of your Christmas Day, Jean.

Oh, anything to help. What have we got?

So, this is the last photo that was taken of Frederick alive.

Who took that? A local press photographer.

The puppet hut was inspected when we helped dismantled it.

Nothing.

I've been through his phone records, and the last person he called

was Joanna, at 1:45pm.

So he called her? Yes.

And then there is this.

When we searched their van, we found an insurance policy.

It was taken out only three weeks ago

by a certain C Delise.

Christian. Exactly.

His distraught son is now 100,000 euros better off.

We need to pay him a visit. Well...

Well, there's no time like the Christmas present.

Not there. That's my father's chair.

Was my father's chair So, so sorry. I'll, erm...

We have checked your father's phone records.

The last phone call your father ever made was to your mother, Joanna.

Why do you think that is?

Probably because... he still loved her.

Who knows?

She left us when I was just ten years of age.

And then she proceeded to take my daughter, Giselle!

What do you mean?

Me, my wife and Giselle, we all lived here with my father.

My wife left me when Giselle was young.

And my mother said

me and Dad weren't fit to bring her up.

That must have been, erm... hard.

She applied for custody of Giselle, and she got it.

Now my daughter hates me too.

You know, I wouldn't put it past Joanna to... see him off.

She has always wanted everyone to hate me.

But now you are a rich man... with your father's insurance policy.

I... I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

I am talking about the insurance policy

that you took out on your father just three weeks ago.

Look. It's your signature, C Delise.

No.

Papa. Are you denying this?

My father's real name...

...was Calvin Frederick.

But for some reason, everyone knew him as Frederick.

This is HIS signature.

I am not allowed to open Claudie's presents until after dinner

because even though she's on the other side of the world,

she's got this... like a Christmas sixth sense.

My daughter, the festive Jedi.

Aw! Look at that. Aw, in't that lovely?

Sorry, Dominic, could you... could you take me home?

I suddenly don't feel very well.

Eh? It's Christmas morning.

Please, Dominic, I just want to go home.

Take us home, Dominic. Thank you.

Of course.

Families can be complicated.

I have never really believed in "la famille avant tout".

"Family above all". No, me neither.

My sister stole me mother's pension. Pardon?

It's a long story for another day,

but we were always so very different,

like the gene that bonded us was twisted somehow.

Mm. We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family.

Now, that is a proverb I do believe in.

We need to know where Joanna was at the time of the murder.

Do you think she might have killed him?

There is clearly no love lost,

but whether she is capable of murder is for us to ascertain.

Oh. Good morning. Er, merry Christmas!

I profoundly regret calling on Christmas morning.

Sadly, Frederick did not make it.

He passed away in the early hours.

Oh. That's awful news.

Er, well, you'd better come in.

Excuse the mess. We're just opening our presents.

This is my husband, Hans. Good morning.

Good morning.

And this is my granddaughter, Giselle.

Bonjour.

Er, do take a seat.

Giselle...

Frederick didn't make it, I'm afraid.

I need to ask you a rather sensitive question.

Oh, of course, anything.

The last phone call Frederick made was to you.

Can you explain?

He was always ringing me, asking me for money.

Blackmailing her. Oh, Hans, please.

He'd say it was for Christian and it was the least I could do.

How do you mean?

Well, they thought I deserted them, but I didn't.

Just couldn't take any more of... of his abuse.

My plan was to leave...

...find a flat and return for Christian.

But back then, French law stated

that if a woman left the family home,

she'd to give up all her rights.

But... that's awful.

Yes, until the '70s,

parental responsibilities belonged solely to the father.

Puissance paternelle.

Oh, I knew the law was against me, but...

...I wanted my son and me away from Frederick.

I got a flat within weeks and returned for Christian.

But in that time...

...he'd poisoned Christian's mind against me so much...

...he wouldn't come with me.

I met Hans a year later.

Christian grew up, got married.

Had a daughter, Giselle.

But in that time, Christian's memory had become so warped by his father.

And by alcohol.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree, I'm afraid.

And when I heard that Christian's wife had left him,

well, I knew Giselle needed a family.

By then, Frederick and Christian were drinking too much,

so I had to do something.

I mean, they were in no fit state to bring up a child.

She would have ended up in care.

I let my son down.

But I was determined I wasn't gonna let my granddaughter down as well.

Grand-mere...

Isabella is her best friend, but, I mean, they're like sisters.

Where were you at the time of the murder?

We were at the matinee of a Christmas show in town.

Yeah, I've got the programme here. Oh, thanks.

Er, may I? Of course.

Oh, wow. You have a good eye.

I've just never seen one in this good condition before.

What is it?

It's a shaving soap set from the Civil War,

made of gutta-percha.

Gutta... percha? First type of plastic.

Oh, I only know cos of the research I did

when I was present-shopping.

It's got the original soap!

It's amazing.

Grooming is a huge passion of mine. Vintage items especially.

We have taken up enough of your morning.

Thank you.

Well, if there's anything else we can do to help...

Do you mind if I nip to your bathroom on the way out?

Of course! It's up the stairs, straight ahead.

Thank you.

I will wait in the car. OK.

Hiya. I'm just searching for something.

Course you are. Shall I meet you in the pub when you're done?

Little midday livener? Yeah, you're on.

All right, bye, then. Bye.

You hang up first.

You daft-head! I'm gonna see you in a bit.

All right, bye.

Well, I never.

How exciting!

I can't seem to open it.

What is it, love?

Oh, that's lovely, darling.

Thank you. You're so clever.

About time, something to replace that tatty old one.

Thank you so much. Mm...

What did you make of that? Something's not sitting right.

But they appear to have an alibi, being at the theatre.

Obviously, I will have to verify this.

I want you to have this.

Ooh, be careful.

A razor blade. Where did you get this?

From their bathroom. Jean, that is technically stealing!

It was just lying on the side.

Look, just check if it matches the ones in the puppet,

and if not, then at least we can rule them out and start again.

Very well.

But there is something I have to do first.

Is that it? It certainly is.

Right, Gloria. Well, you go and spread some Christmas cheer

and deliver that little lot,

and there'll be a nice big drink waiting for you when you get back.

Boozy hot chocolate? With an extra flake.

Ooh!

Hey, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. You not stopping?

No, I'm on a mission. Course you are.

I'll see you later. Indeed, you will!

Jean.

You look lovely. Oh, thank you. So do you.

Hey, erm, got something on... Ooh!

Living dangerously!

It's Christmas, innit?

So, how did you get on?

Well, Joanna and her husband have an alibi.

They were at a matinee the time Frederick was murdered.

Which one?

The Christmas show at Sainte Victoire Theatre.

But that show was stopped because the sprinkler system was set off

by somebody having a fag in the toilets.

What time? About three.

I've got to see Caron. OK.

Caron. Their alibi, it doesn't hold up. Tell him.

The Christmas play yesterday was stopped at three o'clock.

Fire sprinklers were set off. The whole theatre was evacuated.

I was rushed off my feet every fare talking about it.

This razor blade is the same as the ones sewn into the puppet.

Oh, my God. Stay here.

I'm bringing them in.

Thought I heard the door. Me too.

After you.

"Dress: Christmas best."

Patrick's a real entrepreneur. Even on Christmas Day.

I suppose we should show our faces. I agree.

Put on a united front for our... ..people.

What's wrong?

Oh, no, please. It's... It's just something in my eye.

Well, let me see.

I can't see anything.

Try pulling your eyelid down as far as it will go.

It's fine. I think it's gone.

Shall we still wear the matching velvet?

Of course.

Grandma!

Don't worry, darling. We didn't do anything!

Madame, please.

You do not need to wait in the cell with your grandparents.

You can wait over there. I'm right here.

What have they said?

Well, apparently, the phone call to Joanna was from Frederick,

threatening to sell the house that she'd given up for Christian

if she didn't give him more money.

They said they tried all the legal routes.

So, yesterday afternoon, they had a meeting with Hans's brother,

who apparently knows that kind of people who could scare Frederick.

They both deny anything to do with the murder.

Hans's brother is not answering,

and Hans will not give up his address.

So they're both lying.

Their story was pretty consistent, but they must be.

Or... maybe they're both telling the truth.

Pardon?

The apron.

Thank you. You're so clever.

About time, something to replace that tatty old one.

Oh, dear.

I think we need to question Giselle.

Dom, can you continue manning the reception

while I call children's services?

Yeah, no problem. I'm quite enjoying this copper vibe.

Where were you yesterday afternoon?

My colleague asked you a question.

I went for a walk.

Where?

Just around.

You see, Giselle, we know where you were.

You were at the Christmas market when your grandfather got murdered.

Don't call him that!

Hans is my grandfather.

This is you, isn't it, Giselle?

Now, you can tell us how you did it,

or you can let your grandparents spend Christmas night in a cell

just for you.

I hated him.

He was the cause of all the upset in our lives.

Constantly blackmailing my grandma, poisoning my dad against her.

The only reason my dad has a drinking problem

is because his dad encouraged it.

That must have been hard to grow up with.

When I heard that Frederick was putting the house up for sale

behind Dad's back, that was the last straw.

'I saw Hans's old-fashioned razor blades and had an idea.

'At college, I made an exact copy of his Guignol puppet...

'..and fixed the razor blades inside.

'I swapped the puppet at the moment he always took it off.

'It's been the same show since I can remember.'

- Non, madame. - Si.

- Mais non. - Mais si.

- Mais non. - Mais non.

'I knew of Frederick's blood condition.

'He was always so drunk, he probably didn't feel a thing.'

What's going to happen to me?

I am going to leave you in the hands of children's services,

as you are a minor.

But it's Christmas Day.

I really wanna hug you. Oh, I know.

Poor kid.

Yeah, but when that poor kid commits premeditated murder,

there's got to be consequences, Dom.

Whole life ruined because of the bad behaviour of adults.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Ruined Christmas. It's ruined Christmas.

To the death of that coat! Hear, hear.

Merry Christmas.

Darling. I have something to tell you.

You first.

The priest that married us...

..is a criminal.

And we were never married.

Oh, so you knew? Oh, thank God!

I was scared if I told you and you had the choice,

...you might not want to stay with me any more.

I know I drive you mad.

Judith...

...if I lived a thousand lives...

...I would track you down...

...and marry you in every one of them.

Hey.

I am so glad you said that. Come with me.

Shh, shh, they're coming. They're coming.

I think it's time to pop the question again, Jeremy.

Will you marry me?

Again. A thousand times over.

♪ When will it show

♪ That the secret I keep Is not mine on my own?