Original subtitles

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My fellow Americans, thank you for sharing your time with me tonight.

Tonight we're launching an effort

which holds the promise of changing the course of human history.

There will be risks and results take time.

But I believe we can do it.

I heard about a man who carries his own coffin.

He doesn't wear a watch.

He decides what time it is.

You know why they call me Nino Grande?

Nino, are you ready for dinner?

-Drop 'em.

No. But Dirty Harry will.

Ay, chinga!

I've been looking for the six-fingered man.

What does that make you?

I am Nino Grande!

You bang my sister.

Now! Prepare to die!

Nino Grande, always a foot short.

Adios, muchacho.

You just got Fisted.

This is a stick-up, mofos, put your hands in the air!

We can either do this the easy way...

Or my way.

-I can do it both ways. -Give me everything you've got.

Lollipops, chains, keys, jewels everything.

I don't want your dirty ass cash, where's your bling

Spread out!

I want this bitch platinum by morning!

Put your weight on it.

Fools!

Everybody, bow your heads to Superfly.

Your new god. Don't you all know who I am?

-You don't know, that's, that's...

That's the best kung-fu rapper on the planet.

What you looking at, motherfucker, you ain't gonna do--

What the hell are you doing, Chinaman?

Now put some weight on it!

You ain't nothing but a fake-ass Bruce Lee kung-fu fool!

Hey, don't you la-la's know who I am?

You better ask somebody!

-Superfly motherfuckers! -That's right.

Hey, somebody get this fake

-Superfly motherfuckers! -That's right.

Bow your heads!

And girls, ladies, you with me now!

Take his hat too.

What's my name?

-Superfly motherfuckers!

-Superfly motherfuckers!

-Superfly! -Remember...

I'm Superfly!

When you see me coming. Bow your heads!

New York City, 1984.

Ain't nothing like the Disco-funk, free love of the '70s.

Grown men are moving right on back home with mama.

And everybody's on welfare.

With the central planners in full genocidal effect,

this whole city man, needs a hero,

to fight back against the blight, the smack, the crack, the gangs,

the boys in blue, the agents in suits.

And all that trickle down Reaganomics bullshit!

We find our heroes in the most unusual places.

Okay, man, okay.

Goddamn, you like King Kong.

Conyo, wake up, man.

Come on you gotta do your job.

Don't call me conyo, pendejo! You don't even speak Spanish!

I speak everything, what you talking crazy for?

-Dude you want me to call the IRS? -You mean the I-N-S.

Whatever I send your ass back to Guantanamo.

I'm from Mexico, cabron.

What the fuck difference does it make where you're from,

Hector?

Did you want me to come, we start over again?

♪ This eye in the sky You know what I mean ♪

♪ Vengeance is mine Yeah, you know how I feel ♪

♪ Wipe the self The felt is the birthplace ♪

♪ I see the G-O-D In some blackface ♪

♪ Zeroes and heroes Fist knew about this ♪

♪ Solid ages Flagrant, and they talk shit ♪

What has the world come to?

What are you gonna do, Fist?

Return to sender.

Now you talking, baby! That I like. Keep it coming...

Well, ain't this special.

Okinawa Jackson was wondering when you homos was gonna show up.

Sign says the shop opened 20 minutes ago.

Okay, Jackson. Get a job, man. You know what I saying. I talking to you.

Guapo, that's not funny. You know I got fired from Chuck E Cheese last week.

Is that why you wearing your Mickey Mouse outfit?

Guapo! You know I'm broke, man. Wanna buy me some Chuck's?

-No, man. You know what I buy you?

I buy you some Soul Glo in your fro.

Because it looks like you got pelicans in your head, man.

Man, I can't afford a haircut, okay? Hell, I can't afford clippers, shoot! And my rent...

It's too damn high!

You got meet for the week? You gotta order anything from the boss?

I got more beef than you can handle. Okay.

Order up.

Yeah, give Okinawa some water.

Okinawa, you know water costs money, right?

Come on, man. I'm black. I'm hot.

-What's that have to do with you wanting water? -I'm black, I'm hot.

Again, so what? -Black people need water when it's hot.

KGB! What's goin' on wit' ya

How about you hook me up with some of them Soviet bitches.

-Them's the finest honeys ever. -Yes, good. Boss there, must sweep.

Boss What are you talking about, crazy lady?

Remember, boss is always watching.

Listening. Video cameras,

listening devices, everywhere!

He likes to watch.

-But you can't get away all day... -Like Soviet Russia.

Shut up! On hay, down by the bay,

all day, on hay, by the bay,

when the kids come to play,

but you can't get away all day,

'cause when the kids come to play, all day on hay,

down by the bay,

when the kids come to play, cause one way,

or another, crime don't pay!

You know what, you know what a hassa is?

It's a pig that don't fly straight.

You know that hassa hasn't paid me in two weeks.

-Not a damn thing.

No, he don't pay Willy either.

What you doing, cuckoo bird?

Hey, the loony bin is down that way.

What you need?

I just want you to know, we're being watched.

They're everywhere. They're everywhere. They're everywhere.

People are getting killed...

And I'll have a bagel burger, fries and a Coke.

Willy, let me get a bagel burger with fries, Coke and a Diet Coke for that loony guy.

Hey, you don't want that burger.

If I get you a good lawyer, we can sue the government for your crack addiction.

You know that the CIA sells all the cocaine, right, all the crack?

The Drug War's a fraud!

It's a fake, it's a scam!

And don't believe it! You know that CIA! CIA!

Runs all the drugs in this country!

On the planet! It's nonsense.

They made it up so they could take all of our money.

They made it so they can steal our tax money!

Fucking thieves!

I'll just have fries then.

Just the fries.

You know--

Ho, it's a stick

I don't want nobody to make any kind of fucking noise.

I know you got some money in here.

-Hey, give me your money. -I don't have anything.

You don't have anything, how about you?

There's something wrong with everybody in here, okay!

Manolo, is that you? Manolo...

Primo, what are you doing here, Guapo?

What am I doing, I work at the Bagel Burger. What are you doing here, man?

-Yeah.

Can I talk to you real quick. I'm going through some things, you know.

And my food stamps, they don't really buy me anything,

no Coke, nothing.

So basically what I was trying to ask you is, if I can rob your restaurant?

Ju know what, I don't see nothing.

Ju know, I don't see anything, man.

Guapo, I'm standing right here.

-Manolo.

Manolo, I don't see nothing.

But I am right here!

Manolo, you're not listening,

I don't see nothing, man, it's okay.

You know, whatever, it's okay, I don't see nothing.

Primo, I am right here!

Manolo, listen to what I say.

I don't see nothing. I can't see ju, ju know.

No eyes on ju. I don't see ju.

Oh! Oh!

It's okay.

Whoa. Let's get it on! Hey, man give me the watch.

-Hey, hey, hey, okay. -Give me your watch.

Listen up, motherfuckers!

In 1462, Nostradamus predicted

that a bad motherfucker would appear upon the land.

The sun will refuse to shine,

and a darkness would fall upon the land.

Today is the day.

Prepare thyself, the Superfly is here!

What's up!

My name is Superfly.

Put the weight on it.

We giving away free 8-tracks for the kids.

But everybody will make a donation,

or I will Suge Knight your ass, okay.

Everybody.

-Even your punk ass. -Yeah!

My name is Superfly!

Superfly!

Everybody empty your pockets!

Listen to the man.

Yeah.

Superfly, motherfuckers!

What is this?

Give me that purse!

What the hell you think you doing?

What are you talking about, man?

This ain't your house no more.

-This is my house. -This is my house, too.

What? You need to go home, play some Nintendo, or do something.

-Be nice, okay. -Hey, do you know who...

Do you know I'm big-head...

Hey, do y'all know big-heads,

fools who I am?

Don't you know who I am?

Okay, just relax. Go home, play some Nintendo.

What you gonna do?

Exactly, that's what I thought.

Hey, everybody, go bum rush this fool.

Whoop this fool!

You wanna do something, okay.

-Puto.

Ana Conda, go beat some ass.

Okay.

You motherfuckers!

Ana Conda, kick him again!

Like your dad, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, fool.

You know what, on second thought,

I think I'm gonna come back, work on some things.

Take it easy, you know, what you gotta be so grumpy for?

You know, like, I didn't really mean...

Okay, Primo, I see you later, man.

That's what I'm talking about, Ana Conda, just like your pops.

-Hey, ugly. -Hey, ugly!

Hey, ugly.

What the hell you say, fool?

Little Barbie doll.

What the hell you want?

Do we have a problem, Mr. Barbie Doll?

I probably banged your mama, you're probably my child.

You're probably my little big-head baby.

I probably banged your mama, too.

Now get that.

My name is Superfly!

Superfly is dead!

Who the fuck is this?

That's The Fist.

The coolest porn star in the 1970's.

The hair of his hair, in the wind of the air,

blows through his luscious locks.

But where's your cucumber?

You know what happened in the '80s the AIDS came, bitch!

Attack!

Get out of my kitchen, what are you doing in my kitchen?

See what you got now?

Payback, sucker! Solid.

Let's go.

♪ Come on! Ugh! Yeah! ♪

♪ Get into me ♪

So, you're trying to tell OJ that that's The Fist.

As in Enter The Fist?

Fist of Bangarian.

Fist or Be Fisted!

Yeah, man.

That guy, he was the number one porno star in all the universe,

better than the Kardashian lady.

Much better. Better looking, you know what I'm saying.

Guapo, do I look gullible?

What color is my skin? Come on.

That's a silly question, man, ju black as night,

like a panther, in the darkness.

That's right! That means I don't believe the president.

I do believe the judge.

And I don't believe that no millionaire works at a bagel shops.

I don't believe it. How can he work here?

Ju know, once upon a time

he used to be a normal guy like ju and me.

-Normal. Like ju and I.

-Like me and ju.

Normal.

Like he clocked in at nine o'clock and got off at five.

Like ju and me.

Like his check was only $150.

-Like I and you. -Normal.

Normal. Like this was guy just a normal guy like me and ju.

-That's pretty damn normal. -He was normal, man.

Normal, you know, like me and you.

He's more normal than--

No, not more normal, just normal.

Like you're normal. I normal.

Me and you. You and I. We're normal.

And he was normal normal? Or he was just normal.

He was just normal.

-One day, yeah, normal guy.

One normal?

What you mean one normal, there's only one fucking normal,

how much more normal can you get?

Well you said normal like four times, I got a little confused.

He was a normal guy. He was a fucking normal guy.

Okay, well, he's normal, I get it, I think.

-Just look at the fucking flashback. -Okay.

Well I really had a great time with you Chastity.

I'd like to take you out again sometime.

-Yeah. Whatever. -Great, great!

My, not on the lips!

Come, witch.

Time to make a movie.

Could you hold this for me.

Yes, yes, one bitch, two bitches...

three bitch, four bitch.

What, you've never seen a real pimp before?

Money makes the world go round, but bitches make the money!

Limp dick.

Let's go, bitches.

Let's go make some money.

He couldn't even get action from an action figure, this guy.

That's when he found the fleece.

Flees

No man, fleece. Fleece.

Don't know what you're saying. Fees or flees?

Fleece, man. Okay?

Fleece, like the golden fleece. A fucking jacket.

You know what I'm saying. Like you wear a fucking jacket, a fleece.

Sometimes, a man can't take it anymore.

Then the man's got to stand up and say, get out of my way, my time has come.

And I'm coming with it.

So that's, you know,

that's when The Fist started doing shit, you know,

slaying bitches left and right.

Then he lost his mojo, man, he lost the fleece.

He lost the fleece? -He lost the fleece.

Damn, who stole it?

Nobody knows why or how or who.

But he lost his mojo, like, you know, and I said,

"Fist, I wanna see ju bang!" I like to watch him bang, ju know.

He said, "No, I don't want to bang these whores no more

because they're whores, you know."

Horse like in Seabiscuit?

No, man, whores.

Like the horses that run around the track, horses?

What the fuck ju talking, whores, man!

Horse like Mr. Ed horse?

No, man, whores like putas, like whores putas. Ju know what I'm saying?

-Oh, you mean whores! -Whores! Man. Whores!

That accent, man.

Whores! Like listen to me,

ju get one guy to bang twelve women in one night, this is torture.

But if you get one womans

to bang twelve mens in one night,

that's puro.

Now ju talking my language, all night she do that shit.

The Fist, he stopped the porn, and he say to me,

"I want to find the one."

The one what

The one. He said the one.

Watch where you're going.

-I'm not a kid! Chewbaca!

♪ Yeah, get this! ♪

♪ Europeans lying in the Baltic ♪

♪ Freedom be done Yeah, you trot this ♪

♪ Dumb down the culture... ♪

Whoo. Whoo.

But Master Duck Suck Song,

I've been studying here for 10 years

and I still don't even know how to defend myself.

Like two mirrors facing each other,

great truths are secret even unto themselves.

And to you.

But Sifu, I thought I was learning

the secret art of Mu Shu.

On the good foot! Come on.

Padawan, there is no Mu Shu style.

Sifu.

This may look like a traditional Panther Fu dojo,

but I am running a political intelligence operation

against the United States government.

We're starting a rebellion

against the evil aliens that run this world.

-But for that,

I need martial artists who can think.

Sun Tzu says,

thinking is a revolutionary act.

If you have an idea, kill it.

If it comes back, aim for the head.

If it does not die,

deploy it against your enemies.

Oh, Master.

Is that the secret of all martial arts?

Hear me now, understand me later.

Hey, Jackson, welcome to the Duck Suck Song dojo.

You know, you can sign up with my wife

and then come back with your black leather gloves.

Solid! OJ's gonna go get that look.

Just you wait and see, suckas.

Thunderfoot!

Lighting Leg!

-Offense. -Defense.

Special Teams.

Oh! It's good.

Ugh. You're in some big trouble, boys.

We like big trouble here in Chinatown.

Yeah? Well, you put away our tax collector.

What ju talking about taxes, man?

We don't pay no stinking taxes.

What do we look like, baggage handlers?

You torched Superfly's ass.

You wiped away his street cred.

You tied up our income for a day.

Thunderfoot is gonna kick your thunder ass

back to that candy-land you came from.

And Lighting Leg is gonna wipe your ass back to the past, McFly.

Ju know what a hassa is, Frank?

It's a pig that don't fly straight.

You already said that line.

These suckers are intense, man.

More like past tense.

You'll be paying my taxes by the end of the year, Mr. Duck Sucks!

Oh, you'll take it out of your ass.

-Thunderstruck! -Whooping Crane!

Super Mario Brothers!

Leprechaun style wins.

Who sent you?

You're making a mistake.

Big mistake.

Mistake's the first word my mama said to me.

Now who sent you!

Hey, Willy. You don't got a TV at home?

Even my family in Mexico got a TV.

And I bet it took all 15 of your brothers and sisters

to pay for it, too, Nacho.

You see this? They might as well call it toilet paper.

It ain't money. It's a Fed note.

And it says, "I owe you"!

So you stick it! Garbage!

This is my living room here! I'm living here, people!

Oh, yeah.

-Yeah. -Whoo.

Here we go, baby.

Looks like a dead end, baby.

We got you dead to rights.

The only way you're walking out of here

is with the walking dead.

Yeah.

Aw, you must be tired.

Let me guess, I've been running through your head all day.

How'd you know that?

So where's Superfly to save your skinny ass?

I don't need no Superfly

to save my ass from you, Ponyboy.

Ohh!

Okay, whoa! Here's the deal!

You can join our gang, and serve me

-on both knees.

Oh, on your broken knees?

Whoa. Whoo. What? What did she say?

You look like the Boys of Summer.

Too bad summer's over.

Keep walking...

if you want to keep that look, pretty boy.

You know something funny?

I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

What were you in the slammer for?

Playing my guitar too loud!

Better call the dentist.

Drop 'em.

Where you going, runaway?

Looks like you're cruisin' for a bruisin'.

I'm looking for a She-Ra to my He-Man.

I'm pretty sure She-Ra was his sister

and He-Man is gay.

Don't talk about He-Man like that.

Listen, you, I'm a witch from hell,

and you better not forget it, creep.

I come from hell.

So when you go back, tell Nicky, como estas?

Hey, Fist, come on, man, what you doing? Let's go.

He's trying to bang something.

Watch it, don't step on his teeth.

When the wanna-be gangster Superfly got wasted,

his two crazy-ass white boy bosses disrespected

the Duck Suck Song dojo looking to collect.

After handing them back their asses,

Fist and friends are on a retaliation train

headed for the next boss in line.

'Cause you know what, we all got one.

Someone's gotta pay. Someone always pays.

Service in this place is terrible.

Who picked this joint?

So what's your name, kid?

Ana.

Ana Conda.

I always wanted to hunt an anaconda.

See what it feels like to get swallowed.

I'd rather kill myself.

Where you from?

Wrong side of the tracks.

That why you got caught up with Superfly,

trying to get even with the game?

He promised me a record deal.

You sing the blues?

No, I'm always happy!

What's the 411?

Aren't you, like, some sort of has

Why do you even work at a bagel shop?

I don't work at a bagel shop.

I'm waiting for the night train.

Night train to what?

To get my groove back.

I think you might need some silverware or something.

A fork, I need a fork. That's it.

Waiter, bring me a fork.

Chica, why you dating this monkey?

Monkey Oh, I always wanted a monkey as a pet.

Did you know that I'm Willy's date?

Listen to me, ju can pet my monkey anytime.

-Anytime.

Wow.

Are you really El Guapo?

And is he really The Fist?

Do you wanna know why they call him The Fist?

I've always wondered.

Because he puts it all the way in.

Wow. That's crazy.

I think Thunderfoot was right. Chinese Boss is here.

It smells like acrylic and gold nail polish.

You know why gold is so expensive?

'Cause a dollar in gold is always worth a dollar in gold!

Sir. You make too much noise.

It's no good for business.

Well, excuse me, Ching-chong-chung.

Last I heard this is a free country.

All except for the Federal Reserve

which has enslaved the people since like 1917

when Paul Warburg pulled this bullshit out on Jekyll Island

and enslaved the United States citizenry.

All the people in America are slaves.

And now we don't even know what a dollar is,

it's just a worthless piece of paper with shit ink on it,

and you can't even buy a chopstick

which, which will poke your eye out

because tuna's cud, watching the world go by,

while the Chinese come in here and rape and pillage.

They're planning on raping for the next thousand years.

It's like this whole national debt thing,

there's no such thing as a national debt.

It's a fraud. It's a bunch of nonsense

because it's worth nothing.

And this is worth as much as a fucking dollar!

There's just completely worthless shit.

And we can do anything we want! You understand?

We are the United States of America.

We are the greatest nation in the world!

And you are a bunch of Chinese-eating

Long Duk Dong, plum sauce.

You got these fake ducks, rubber ducks,

their fake dildos, get these commies out of here!

Next thing you know, we'll have these commies

selling their stuff all over our biggest stores in our country,

enslaving the hard-working man!

OJ wants some Chinese spare ribs, Jack.

-Yeah.

I like 'em charred.

No ribs! You go now. Now, go!

No. I stay. You go!

Take a seat.

This is the worst date ever.

The fuck are you doing, boy?

Jew Fu!

Jew what?

Ju on this.

Boss.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Everybody, take it easy.

I'll take it anyway I can get it.

Wait. Ju the Chinese Boss?

That's the last time you call me a Jew.

I'm Armenian!

Ju da boss at the bagel shop, too, that's what I'm saying.

-Ju the boss... -Yeah, I saw, too.

He runs both operations.

He's the Armenian mob's connection

to the Chinese mafia.

-Okay. Okay.

Charlie Chan?

Somebody's gotta pay for the damage you did.

Listen up, Boss,

you got problems with me, you can take it to the shop,

the chop shop.

Well, here's the deal.

Your Scooby Gang is not gonna interfere

with my street racket anymore.

Don't get upset, honey.

You want a chair?

I got one right here that can fly.

And it's powered by a can of whoop ass.

I'm the boss! What do you think you're doing?

Whoo, you know, sometimes, man,

that spicy kung fu chicken

can give you hot wings to crush your boss

like a Coke can.

But even a boss is just a dealer in this game.

So Fist and his friends gotta look further down the supply chain

if they're gonna find the real gangsters in this town.

For real. You know what I mean?

Hey, man, what you doing back there, be careful.

This is the boss' car.

Oh man, shut up, jack.

Okinawa says that Fist should've banged Willy's date!

Man, this guy hasn't banged anything since the '70s.

Look at him. Ju know what,

Okinawa, that's why ju gotta keep your balls sharp.

Okay, oh, look at this one!

Hey, little lady! Ju wanna ride my love machine?

Okay.

I got your machine, man. What's up, man.

Are you a cop?

Are you a narc? What you doing man?

What do you mean what am I doing here, man?

You know I was coming. I was supposed to be here, man.

Hey, guess what? Chinese restaurant closed.

Which way to Brooklyn?

Hey, man, Okinawa think this man is fruity pebbles.

I am Hong Kong 8.

We the 8, the Hong Kong 8. I'm on a rendezvous with my group,

the 55 Brooklyn Crew, you understand?

I don't know what you're talking about, but Brooklyn's back that way.

You will.

I believe in The Fist. You understand what I'm saying?

I know you, man.

I want the tiger's eye. I will trade you the fleece for it.

Did he say gold fleece?

That's what I said, man.

Man, what are you two turkeys jiving at?

Argonaut's got it, 'cause war's coming.

What war?

We don't got no tiger's eye.

I don't know what you're saying, man.

You will. And you know why?

Because I believe in The Fist.

The 55th Infantry, Brooklyn, got your back.

Hong Kong 8.

Hong Kong 8.

We got your back.

Man, that dude is crazy.

He holding up traffic for us.

He's not crazy. He'll be back.

So, uh, we're going to Brooklyn?

No, man, what you talking crazy?

The Chinese boss says he works for The Albanian.

Which means we gotta find The Albanian.

What Chinese boss?

The ol' Jewish crippled guy.

And who's Albanian?

Ugh. If I knew that, chico, I wouldn't be black.

Albanian? I know that scumbag.

He puts all the creases on the comic books.

Messes the whole things up! I hate the guy!

Willy, what, I thought your ass was dead as an ass.

Must've been somebody that looked like me.

I had to take my girlfriend home.

Rule number one,

a man don't die till he pays the reaper.

Someone's always gotta pay.

Just drive.

I gotta catch the red eye.

The spider web

is almost like you're a spider.

Nice shirt.

Beach boys, man.

You know what?

I just remembered.

What was your name again?

Sugar.

Sugar.

-I love the sugar.

May I

Oh.

Oh, my.

I love the sugar.

Oh.

We do this with the leg, like this.

In my country this is called Kun-un-a.

Oh, what?

Makes no sense.

-But just do it.

We go like this.

One more time.

Oh.

Okay.

We get 'em drunk, put 'em in the trunk.

That is my motto.

Where do you think you're going?

Uh, uh...

Into the trunk.

I'll show you the way.

Uh, what, what, what the...

What, what is, what are you talking about?

No one knows.

Ju know what, this guy, this guy is not Albanian, man.

He sounds like he's Italian or Greek.

Ju know what I talking about?

Olive oil countries.

-Ju know what I'm saying. -Yeah.

First time I laid eyes on this lying cock-eyed Commie,

I knew he's a fraud!

You steal everything, don't ya?

You've stolen every comic book in the building here!

-No, there's... -And you put a crease

in Amazing 15!

Amazing 15, you broke the crease!

That was not me. That was me, but not.

It was the women. They like to sit on the comic books.

Sorry. But I'll get you 15.

Rule number two,

don't ask, don't tell. Ring the bell.

Ring the bell, chico.

The boss, he says ju gave him your meat.

My meat?

Ju gave him your meat.

Did, gave. I gave--

That cheap, fraudulent SPAM!

Estrogen-filled, mercury-laden garbage!

My cat, he ate some of that shit,

and everybody's growing tits now!

Look at my tits. I wear a C-cup bra!

My cat got stuck in the dryer,

he went around and around. Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Come out, and he puffed up like that.

He can't even walk anymore. His name was Leon,

he answers to Noel!

-I feel so sorry for you-- -My cat!

I don't like having tits!

I'm, I'm, I'm very sorry, but blame it on the FDA.

Not on me. They had me do tofu and call it beef.

I mean, they pump estrogen in the meat,

and they pump it and they pump it and they pump it,

and they do that all the time

and then the men come out and have pretty little titties

and look like princesses.

But that is not me fault.

Not my fault, is it

-You got a nice smile. -You're very scary.

I'm not... I'm not part of that tree.

If you know what I mean.

-Uh...

But look, look, then in the forest,

the estrogen, it make beautiful pussy.

With growing the pussy.

FDA approved.

You got a little pussy growing on your chest, pretty boy.

Now ju talking my language.

Who sent you?

Pretty boy?

Who sent you?

What are you talking about? You came in here.

What's this guy on?

He's about to be on ju, gringo.

Who sent you?

What my furry friend is trying to say is,

who do ju work for?

Why didn't you say so in the first place?

Ju better hurry up,

he's getting bigger and greener.

And harder.

We all work for the same people. The witches.

You know, the beautiful witches, with the curvy asses

and the long legs

and the juicy, juicy, juicy pussies.

Which witch?

Why did you dunk me again

-It slipped.

They're the beautiful ones. The beautiful witches.

-The nasty witches. -Oh, those witches.

Aren't they nice.

No, not those witches.

The fucking hot ones with the green pussies.

Look, I'm just a shmoe that has meat. That is it.

No. You're empty and I'm about to fill you up.

Please don't rape me.

You got a nice smile, boy.

Hey, man, check out the snow man.

I don't like snow man, I like Santa Claus.

Oh, shit. Agents. Government agents.

OJ's about to be DBM, dead black man.

OJ, hide my yayo, man. Go, go, go.

The Fist. Let The Albanian go.

His ass belongs to the FDA.

You can have his ass. I want his face.

Why don't we step outside?

Hmm. You can step outside in a body bag.

You got a nice smile.

You're being watched. They're everywhere.

It's all connected.

They're in your brain.

The fuck is wrong with this guy?

Pause.

I get it. Chains.

Chains. They're still here, okay?

Brothers wearing gold chains.

The chains that came from slavery.

The chains that held us down.

It's gonna change. Gonna lead to riots.

Okinawa, unpause.

Dig it, change.

And change gon' come.

As a matter of fact, gonna be a black president one day.

-I know-- Yes, it is.

It's gonna be a heck of a future.

He's gonna start out looking like Carl Lewis.

He's gonna end up looking like Benson.

Mmm. The future's looking bleak.

They're gonna have security guards at Popeyes with guns

around niggas with chicken!

The Fist. Sign of power.

-Sign of power. -Sign of unity,

-love, brotherhood. -Brotherhood.

I mean, the Beatles and Woodstock

and all that stuff don't mean nothin'

to what this brings to the world.

We'll put it in the air.

Retract it.

All right, pause back to you, Okinawa.

Bitch, get in the car!

And the rent's still too damn high.

Hope and change!

The Fist.

You've been evicted.

Dead or alive, you're coming with me.

Man, these some super-agents.

You reptilian-radiated scum!

They feed you green sewer water

and they give you lead paint

and then they send you out like RoboCops

to beat up your own people.

I got news for ya.

I'm one man,

but I come here to chew bubble gum

and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum!

I'll be back.

Okay, uh, now I think we're wanted by the government,

you jacks.

I should be wanted in at least 50 states.

Your baby-sitters got sent home, big time.

Hey, there.

I've been waiting for you.

I give up.

I want you inside me.

They tried to get me to talk about the Superboss

who sells protein to my cattle.

But you are like a light that I see in the dark,

and I grasp for it, and I keep grasping for it,

and it pulls me in, and it pulls me in.

And Fist, this is for men. Men. Man to man.

You are the greatest porn star the world has ever seen.

And I wish every man could be like you.

If looks could kill.

Yes.

I'm just gonna watch.

Fist. That you or a clone?

Straight out of a comic book.

Hey, man, look.

We got evicted from our apartment.

Su mi casa es su casa. I love you, man.

Dude, you got some food here or something for us?

No, my refrigerator broke so I threw it out the window.

Oh, man, you don't got anything organic, vegetarian,

something like pussy, or vegetarian pussy,

or cheapos, goat testicles?

Ah, I got some bull balls.

-Blue balls.

Who the hell are you?

I had dinner with you last night, retard.

Hi, Fist.

I'm sorry I ran out on you.

I brought you a doggybag.

I promise in future I won't be bad.

What, did your mother slap some sense into you?

I bet you don't even have a mother.

True story.

Make sure that when you take bites, they're big.

Hey, okay, little lady.

We gotta go now because we got a mega fight

with the Superboss at the car wash.

Right, Fist? So you gotta go, little one. Okay?

I'm not the little one.

You're the little one for hiding behind The Fist.

Hey! I'm a political refugee from Cuba, okay.

And I want my human right like the President Jimmy Carter says.

Now you go. Peace be upon you.

We gotta fight evil-doers. He has to get some rest.

-Just wait here.

Here, look.

You see here, man. Here, there, this, that.

Good morning, world!

Good morning, Guapo nino.

What a glorious day!

What's the matter with this guy.

This guy's acting like he banged the Victoria Secret birds, man.

Hey, he's got a nice smile.

Fist, you shave or something, man?

The razor broke before I could shave my chest.

Guy's going a little cuckoo.

Yeah, but he's got a nice smile.

Aye dios mio, first he's shaving,

then he play with doll,

the next thing you know

he's gonna take it up his culo.

Hey, he's got a nice smile.

Welcome to the Super Car Wash,

where everything we do is super!

Thank you. Clean and wax please.

No problemo. Clean and wax.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

You have a good one, sir.

Thank you.

Gracias.

No. Thank you.

Hey, what's up, you guys?

What can we do for you today?

Hi, guys.

Welcome to the Super Car Wash,

-where we do everything super. -Super.

Because you're first time customers,

to join our super-savings program.

You're gonna save a lot.

Well, we got a discount for ju.

Why don't ju tell us where you're boss is.

Okay, chica?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

But you know what,

I think I detect a Soviet accent?

Oh, my gosh, that's the first time

a Russian has been in our store.

What the fuck is going on,

are we in some Candyland or something, man?

Chica, why don't ju just show us where your boss is, okay?

We wanna talk to him. That's it, okay.

Oh, you want to talk to our Supervisor.

Supervisor!

Here comes the Supervisor.

Who called the Supervisor?

Nice nunchucks, soul glow.

-You smacked my ass!

Oh! What the...

The Albanian told us about your car wash.

More like a money wash where you launder Fed Notes

from making sales of garbage meat, garbage meat

to the hard-working American man.

I got your meat in my pants.

You got nothing!

Sleep, sleep, little boy. Okay.

What's your name?

What's your name?

-I asked you first. -I asked you second.

I like to know a man's name before I put it on his grave.

Welcome to the Super Car Wash.

Hey, Fist, ju gonna do something

or stand there looking like Pippi Longstocking?

This guy is smacking our ass, man.

Do something.

I hope everyone is having a beautiful day.

Are my friends too much of a nuisance for you?

No, no problem, no problem, Fist.

Now Superboss, he wants to see your fist, Fist.

Not as much as I want to see him.

Not as much as I want to see your fist.

-Thank you. -Let me show you something.

-Thank you. -Yes, thank you.

Have a nice day.

I've been up all night for this.

How ya doing?

Welcome to the Super Car Wash,

where we do everything super great.

How are you finding our service?

Feel free to take a survey...

Fantastic.

I'm sorry if my Supervisor

was a little rough with your friends.

Not good.

They were probably asking for it.

What my little friend is trying to say is,

we heard a rumor

that you're selling

meat pumped full of estrogen to emasculate men.

I know, right!

Soylent Beef

is the wave of the future.

Soylent Green

is the number one seller in the world.

Okay, boopie. Thank you. Out, out.

I'm talking 50%

reduction in male testosterone.

50% reduction in male testosterone.

50%! Are you hearing me?

Soon, man and woman will become interchangeable,

like lady-boy bok choy.

Lady-boy bok choy!

I know your game! I know your game!

But I tell you what,

I've been taking this organic testosterone booster

for years now, and I'm ready,

you understand what I'm saying, Mean Gene?

I'm ready to fight your reptilian army!

And I'm gonna squish you like a bug.

You're like a buffalo, man. Just relax.

Hi, welcome.

Would you like a discount to our super saver plan?

I don't do discounts.

Ah!

Senorita, you sure you don't want a discount?

Ah!

I can't let you go off

and warn these half-men about my operation.

We need them slaving away for the rest of their days.

Give it 30 years.

We'll be feeding them genetically modified food,

and these idiots will be eating it up.

Slaves!

They keep the economy going

in the hopes of one day

finding a man-eating,

ball busting, credit-swiping witch for a wife.

Witch?

Boy! I told you not to call women witches.

Mom!

I'm right in the middle of a final showdown here.

Have some respect, Marian...

That's a sissy-ass name, man. You like a lady!

-Shut up! -Marian.

Just shut up! You die right now.

Who's this?

Hey, big boy. Take me.

-Hey. -I'm yours.

Okay.

Give it to me, daddy. Give it to me.

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mother!

Look, I love you, but will please just leave.

This is still my car wash. Mine.

Okay, but remember he's mine.

Sure.

Fine. Fine.

Let's go.

Okay, cut, cut, this is not right.

What did you do to The Fist!

I did.

I put enough estrogen

in those camel-filled sweaty hairy balls

to grow you another tit.

What does Fist need a third tittie for?

I told you, and I warned you that I'm a witch from hell,

and you didn't believe me!

Ju know what your problem is, pussycat?

Ju got nothing to do.

Ju need a passion in life. And a Quaalude.

That's why I'd take made in China

over American crap any day.

Don't make too much noise, boys,

I'm putting mama to bed,

you know when you blow their brains out.

So this survey says you're dead.

In this world, there's right, and there's wrong.

And you. You're wrong. Dead wrong.

Got anything else to declare?

You're damaged goods.

Have no fear, KGB is here!

Gimme some of that DDT!

I'm ready! I need to resent the reptilians.

Have a super day.

You got a nice smile.

And you do, too.

Who's next!

You know, I don't have to do this today.

I can come back tomorrow.

Just tell me, is it still screwed on?

I'm out of lines.

Ha, ha!

Not so tough now, huh!

Now don't go scratching your heads

and shaking dandruff all over the person next to you.

Fist might look tough as Swayze,

but that Soylent Green GMO estrogen he got slipped

would have you feeling like Tinker Bell, too.

It's time for Fist to find that tiger's eye he lost

with his gold fleece jacket.

Where has my gold gone?

Forged in the hearts of men,

grown drunk on the spoils of war.

Shut that shit up.

How we doing?

Was it something, I was off

Hey, listen up everybody.

When the dragon sings, everybody listen.

Dragon?

Dragons are meant to be wise.

Tell me, where is my gold fleece?

Dragon mist.

Ain't you The Fist?

Used to be.

When the world's on your shoulders,

there's only one way down.

I lost it all. My home.

My job.

My manhood.

When you lose something,

there's only one thing to do,

retrace your steps.

We are faced with a simple complex formula, people.

The tide in the affairs of men

have become a flood in a bucket of tears.

It is time for us

to build our castles in the air.

Fist, you have been looking for the one for many moons.

But you will never reach your potential

until you can forget what you cannot remember.

There has been

and always was only one.

He who cries in the dojo,

laughs on the battlefield.

The heartbeat of a man

is what powers the earth.

Listen for it.

But do not dwell on it, for like a thief,

if you let him in, he will steal the night.

Body, mind, soul must be one.

Come on, punch me.

Punch me. Kick me.

Kick me.

Get him, Fist.

Again.

Again, come on.

Everyone gets knocked down.

Just make sure to punish the ground

so it knows to hold you up next time.

Man, this Chinese bullshit don't work, Jack.

Fist, don't worry.

I got something to jack you up, man.

A little steroids, a little cocaine.

I got a guy in Colombia. Sosa.

Class A shit.

Man, this is the '80s.

You can just go downtown, baby.

Now ju talking, Jackson.

The temple is the body.

If you burn it down,

you cannot honor the gods.

Honor the gods!

It's okay, Fist. I'll be back, man.

We'll come back, come on.

We're being watched.

They're everywhere.

People will die. Hong Kong 8 is a dock.

OJ remembers.

Hong Kong 8, crazy man in the streets,

heading for war in Brooklyn.

And that means, the war is here.

The war is here.

Okay. Ju wanna go to war,

we take you to war!

So, we going to war, huh?

It is not my time.

You have to defeat me, if you want to take me.

I have not come here to fight you this time.

But to warn you.

You must fight next to The Fist.

The Fist has lost his way.

His heart is broken.

There are many different ways to the mountain's top.

What matters is that he gets there.

He doesn't need me.

You must fight with him.

The fate of man depends on your victory.

Honor the Gods!

Guapo, enter the warehouse.

Okinawa will parachute in from his castle in the sky.

Here, take this beret.

You have been knighted a black cat in Panther Fu.

Watch Fist's back.

Let's put these witches in their places

on their backs, suckas.

Oh, it's a dock party!

Let me get in there.

Oh, no, I want some Action Jackson.

You want some style, flash, pizzazz.

Hey, ju want some ice cream with me, baby?

-Okay, since you like it better. -Ooh, okay, you can take it.

Ju wanna have some ice cream with me?

Is that what you want?

This is why I do not have children.

Master. Will you fight with us?

Hell no! I got a political action committee to run.

Money doesn't exactly raise itself.

That's all right, I got this.

When the dragon flies, everybody looks up.

What are we looking at?

I don't know.

Hold on, blood. Who the hell invited you?

I do not need an invitation.

What the heck is that, some kind of Jedi mind trick?

No. It's called waving good-bye.

It's The Fist!

You know you have to ask the Captain's permission

in order to come aboard his boat?

You're not Captain Crunch,

-and this ain't a ship! -I'm Captain Stabbin'!

He killed the Captain!

You think you're tough?

Well, I'm mad as hell,

and you're about to get roughed!

Your cucumber is mine.

Just a bunch of dead bodies.

Excuse me, oh strange one.

You may look, but you may not touch.

Oh, shiny head, I can touch,

but you can't look.

I'm the Supervisor.

I say we go outside,

and I teach you how to touch.

Sounds like a party I'd like to be invited to.

Are we gonna go out and fight,

I mean, uh...

Oh, absolutely, after you.

Fist, que pasa, man? Where you at?

You see the girl with the feathers?

Fist?

Where you at, man? Conyo?

What you looking at, huh? What you looking at, huh?

I'm El Guapo. You fucking with me, you fucking with the best!

Who put this thing together, huh?

Me, that's who!

Check it out.

You guys see that shit?

Okay.

You kill my partner, I kill you!

Pass the Courvoisier, I came to bleed.

You must pass my ninja clan first!

Let's bang.

The Ancient Greeks fought naked.

I'll fight naked.

Pop-blocking boxer style!

Drunken Master style!

Dolphin style!

Gorilla Style!

Padawan Master style.

Nunchuck style.

Fist this, Mr. Fist Man.

Godzilla style!

I hope you brought your boarding pass.

'Cause you're about to fly.

Midget style!

Now that's what I call a skull fuck.

It's time for the payback, Jack.

Halt. The Fist.

The people upstairs know all about you.

You're going away for a long time.

The Federal Reserve has never been audited.

The Illuminati run everything.

You're under arrest.

And you're under my friend.

How come Okinawa didn't get an invitation to this dance,

you jive sucka!

-Solid. -Solid.

Let's see what you got.

Step up to the fucking big boy plate.

Ice cold!

I hope you got more.

Cross it, bitch.

Bring it over here.

I got your woo in my pants.

Playing your game now, boy.

What are you doing?

Super agent, huh.

Fuck that shit.

I told you I'd be back.

Damn it, they live!

Right.

Give me more, give me more.

I wanna eat a reptile.

Come on, reptile boy. Let's see about that.

Give me some skin.

This is for Hot Rod making snakeskin sandals in Heaven,

you reptile piece of shit.

Goodnight, Irene.

Consider that my tax return.

Oh yeah, you got a nice smile.

And I don't want to hear from the G's anymore,

you stupid jive turkeys!

So we meet again, buddy.

It must be a re-run on your face.

Show me what you got.

You're not so big anymore.

You're not so big anymore.

You're not so big anymore!

And you can take your Soylent Dream with it.

The Fist in the palm of my hand.

Service with a smile.

It's hammer time.

How about a Coke with that smile.

It's the porn chicas.

Welcome, El Guapo.

El Guapo, come join us, let's play.

We are also known as the

Women's International Terrorist Conspiracy...

From hell.

Do you think The Fist would refuse to do us?

All of us?

Yeah, Guapo.

Will you leave us unpleased?

Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.

And a woman's pleasure is a man's pain.

Say hello to my little friend.

Okay, you wanna play, huh?

First you get the money, then you get the power,

then you get the women.

Okay, I'm reloaded.

Come on, what you got for me, huh?

What did I tell you about talking to other witches!

Oh, you got kicks.

Okay, you wanna see some of my kicks?

Look at the birdie.

How you like that? How you like that, huh?

Okay, okay, come on.

Oh, ju okay? I sorry.

I sorry.

I sorry, little lady, I didn't mean to do that to you.

Chastity.

All right, motherfuckers, I know what you're thinking.

The Superboss is working for the goddamn witches.

You're damn straight.

No matter how big a man may be,

there's always a woman behind him ready to crack that whip with her hypnotic sex magic,

unless your name is The Fist and you're packing a 50 caliber cucumber

filled with consciousness named Dirty Harry.

I should've known it was you.

He's ours now.

Let him go, snake eyes.

Come on, what you gonna do?

Master Duck Suck Song was right.

We won.

Always have. Always will.

Listen up, witches.

I didn't come to change the world.

But the world's gonna change for me.

Or get out of my way!

'Cause you can hate me or you can love me.

But tonight, I'm gonna make you scream God's name.

Enter the fist, witch.

Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist...

Can you feel how hard I am!

I guess Fist got his groove back.

You got my tiger's eye?

You got something what I'm looking for, man?

I got what you looking for, man.

Who sent you?

Who sent me? Sun Tzu sent me!

Man, rewind, man.

Sun Tzu sent my ass.

Man, wars are fought and won, man,

but you know what, the battle stays the same.

You know what I'm talking about, man?

Because of the fact you found the tiger's eye.

You found the tiger's eye, so I'm gonna hook a brother up.

You found the tiger's eye.

No, who sent you?

No, who sent you?

You came into my movie.

Fist, I just arrived from the Planet Mongo on my rocket cycle.

What were you doing on Mongo?

Kicking Ming's butt.

I gotta tell you something. I stole your golden fleece.

Why did you take it?

I needed it to become the savior of the universe.

You can keep it. It's '70s style.

I'm an '80s man.

I gotta get back to work.

Fist,

is it okay if I watch, man?

-Oh, yeah.

Awesome, man.

You got a nice smile.

You got a nice mustache.

Watch what I do with it, baby.

♪ ...Montezuma ♪

♪ To the shores of Tripoli ♪

♪ We will fight our country's battle ♪

♪ On the land and on the sea ♪

♪ I am proud to have the title of United States Marine ♪

Yes, that's right.

No, Charlie don't surf. Huh?

No, no, no, no!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

I want some, too! Show me The Fist!

Where's Superfly when you need him?

One bitch.

Two bitch!

Three bitch!

Four bitch.

Who invited Count Chocula to the party?

I am not Count Chocula.

I am Blacula.

Do I think all limp dicks look alike?

I'm gonna make big bucks from this movie.

Any last words?

Leave me, bitches!

Any last words?

Yeah, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Heaven has no fury like The Fist.

I ain't got nothing left to say, man.

Let's do the monster smash.

Galactic Fist.

You're not going to win, Fist

I'm going to win.

You can never beat me!

Heroes don't exist anymore!

Fist the fist! Get him.

Get him.

Bleed them.

Get them all!

Get the black one first.

Oh, robots can't stop me. Okay?

Whoo!

Feel my wrath, Fist. How does that feel?

Are you ready for the red eye?

Galactic Fist.

♪ Bring us a warrior ♪

♪ Bring us a champion ♪

♪ Someone to fight hard ♪

♪ Be light in the dark ♪

♪ Bring us a warrior ♪

♪ Bring us a champion ♪

♪ And we won't back down ♪

♪ Bring us a warrior ♪

♪ Bring us a warrior ♪

♪ We won't back down ♪

♪ Bring us a warrior ♪

♪ This eye in the sky You know what I mean ♪

♪ Vengeance is mine Yeah, you know how I feel ♪

♪ Wipe the self The felt is the birthplace ♪

♪ I see the G-O-D In some blackface ♪

♪ Zeroes and heroes Fist knew about this ♪

♪ Solid ages Flagrant, and they talk shit ♪

♪ Palo Alto licked And I'm about this ♪

♪ May you rest in peace Or more selective ♪

♪ Soul rissoles Can't taste this dog shit ♪

♪ Speak to the G Yeah, he's The Fist ♪

♪ Yeah, VOD I hope you get this ♪

♪ Negro peons Lyin' in the pulpit ♪

♪ Not free to be dumb Yeah, you trot this ♪

♪ Gone down the coast You must pork this ♪