Original subtitles

You want to make the base useful?

Let us build something useful on the base part in order to do that.

Of course, I have to charm the appropriations committee.

And then we have to deal with those vacuous roadhors in Washington DC.

It's a vicious cycle.

Ooh.

That's... Oh, my God.

That really opened up.

We agreed I had the night off.

Oh, yeah.

Listen.

It's your anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you.

We can talk about it tomorrow.

Oh, Ook tomorrow is Saturday, and we're... We should hit it hard on Monday,

the universal day for starting work.

And also, funding requests aren't due for another six weeks, so... I know.

The key to stay on one step ahead is being two steps ahead at all times.

Last summer, we weren't, and we got some funding for what?

The stupid frisbee golf course that nobody likes.

Well, it's actually called disc golf, and it's pretty popular.

I played with some people in college.

That's the row bros.

Yeah, but now we're soldiers.

Not stoner versions of freighter real sports.

Listen, you guys enjoy your anniversary, enjoy the dinner.

I'm taking this with her.

Yes.

That's his one.

You can have mine.

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Did you not tell him we were going away this weekend?

No, I did.

He just hasn't approved my leave yet, but don't worry about it.

I've succeeded in getting leave last minute before.

Oh, yeah.

After a protractic game of cat and mouse, I

was able to attend half my uncle's funeral.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

From the curl.

Congrats.

No one thought you'd make it.

Did you get the note?

So, hey, I just wanted to run something by you.

Um, it's a less idea, but I'm on board, too.

It's a little unconventional.

No, I know it's going on.

Do you want us to do weird sex stuff, right?

No, no, no, no.

You know what happens is when a relationship starts

to go south of a marriage, they read a cosmo article.

The next thing you know, fingers are going places, they should never be going, right?

Listen, you're vanilla.

Yeah.

And that's okay.

Yeah, because a vanilla is the world's most popular flavor for a reason.

A little help for me.

Look at this.

This is why I hate Saturdays.

All right?

Because it's like you and me are the only two people working.

We sure are.

I just need to ask you.

for this weekend off for my anniversary once again.

You know, I promised you were the next five Saturdays,

which is plenty of time to finish my deadline.

I like to cut it that close.

And also, I gave you a day to celebrate your anniversary.

That's all you need.

You celebrate a day in your life with a day.

A little frisbee called, have you seen a little disc?

Hey, y'all.

Is yours?

Yes.

That's my name on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, let me show you something, too.

This disc belongs to me now.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

I thought you were going on your big trip to Bruges.

I saw Celeste's anniversary post that said y'all were cruising for a bruges.

You were supposed to go today, but then the colonel's making me work.

Can't you just ask somebody, feel it?

Okay, yeah, I'm just going to go to the shop store and find some extra shot.

Watch some shot and order.

I'm so sorry.

I'm freaking out right now.

Okay, look.

I have people feeling for me all the time.

Remember last week when we had the inventory meeting on the zone?

That wasn't me.

That was for Shayna from Special Ops.

Keep it, she did a presentation.

Yeah, we faced watching, she lip synced.

All you need to do is find yourself a brugena and swap her in.

Okay, so it's like the Indiana Jones hand.

switch thing.

He swaps the golden stature for a bag of sand.

I just need to find a bag of sand.

A bag of sand.

With nothing better to do.

Dare me to drink this hot sauce?

We share a bathroom, so no.

Too late.

Oh, that's a good bag of sand.

Yeah, it really is.

I need to go use our bathroom.

No, no, just use the team centers.

I got him.

Hey!

Yeah.

Hey!

Come on in.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Oh, no.

I mean, you did comment on Celeste anniversary, both, so...

Oh, yeah, well, that's the play thing to do.

Yeah, you also commented hashtag love wins with six fire emojis.

Yeah, yeah.

That's, I mean, it had to be convincing.

Well, I'm not convinced.

So that's why I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Are you okay?

What a person is not okay.

Be pulling off.

I had like this.

Oh, and you are pulling it off.

I'm just fine, you know it.

What is this?

It is Rosé all day pink.

Okay, look, I know that you're not over this situation with Celeste and Shaw,

but this is no time to be making emotionally charged hair choice.

It's not, it's just a streak.

A terrible streak.

Yeah, a terrible streak.

Yeah, that's it.

I'm taking you off base.

You never take me off base, especially on the weekends.

You didn't even let me drive you to urgent care that time.

They found your car in a ditch.

I'm willing to make an exception in light of this craft for help streak.

We gotta get this fixed ASAP.

You come up with me to muscle on.

Okay, don't forget that all the base privileges

can't be revoked immediately if you can't hang.

Oh, I can hang.

No hat.

No hat.

And co-chain.

Yeah, of course, I'm sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen, in the words of my grandmother, when I push her down

the slip and slide, I just don't think this is a good idea.

The colonel already loves you.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's unconditional.

Hey, it's there.

No, he doesn't.

Not yet, at least.

Listen, people need to be exposed to me in low doses to build up a tolerance.

It's like babies with peanuts, right?

Now, if I give the colonel just a little bit of puppity

every day, 20 years from now, he's best man at my wedding.

What about if I teach you everything you need to know that we can cut it down to 10?

Come on, I don't know if I'm gonna meet a model that likes me by then.

Who am I kidding?

Okay.

I got pretty good people instincts, and I know when some people someone's

desperate like this, you should probably trust him.

I'm in.

Yeah.

What do I need to bring?

Nothing.

Just your computer and a high tolerance for verbal abuse.

All right, what's snacks?

Like sweet or savoury snacks?

Oh, you don't need to worry about that.

The colonel only needs beef jerky when he's working.

It's his perfect food.

Meat gum.

Oh, by the way, under no circumstances.

Defend waiting in lines, do you need the conventions?

Or patting tin.

So let's go.

I got a train to catch.

Come on.

Hey, thank you so much for bringing it to your coolest secrets of mine.

Okay, I'm just a regular person.

Oh, he's good to see you.

Zelda.

Oh, yeah.

What do you want?

I actually find it out.

Look, me bringing you to my salon and me letting

you in on my personal life are two different things.

I live in a more gray area.

How many people know much about me?

Well, you know my deepest darkest secret.

They're not that dark.

One day, they might be.

I'm just trying to get you to open her.

Yeah, yeah, no, dude.

I'll be right back.

Okay, now they're kissing.

Okay.

Come on.

Hey, hey.

It's everything out.

Chill out here.

Who is this blowout with the sad eyes?

Your new partner?

Don't worry about it.

She doesn't tell me anything either.

Well, I got it over the border.

You can take it from here.

Hey.

Oh.

Yikes.

That seems like a tricky situation.

Is she a friend of yours or a Zelda?

Maybe we talked about this.

No, we didn't.

Oh, yeah, we do.

No, we didn't.

And I would like to.

just like hacking with some friend.

What's up, Colonel?

What's he doing here?

Oh, well, with only six weeks to write our three page requests, we need a shortcut.

And Papadak is here is our shortcut.

He's going to hack into the other base's proposals and give us an unfair advantage.

I like the sound of that.

The fairness is overrated.

Hey, hm.

You have not earned me, come my friend.

Okay.

Well, I'm already in the USAGV's button back,

There's another word for a bear that lives in

your house, red-free, eating your marmalade.

A bum.

That's the one.

That's a little bear.

It's got no job, but he's got a briefcase.

What's in the briefcase?

You tell me.

I'll tell you what's in the briefcase.

Not pants.

He doesn't wear any.

You know what?

I like the cut of your jib.

Have yourself.

Some me come.

Hey, okay?

Alright, look at this dynamic do.

It's like, uh, I don't even need to be here, right?

What am I doing here, right?

What are you doing here?

I like hacking.

I know it's a nerd word, but it's the only thing about computers.

I think it sounds tough.

The Gene Hackman hacks are rich.

Wow, I really wish I knew something about computers since today's tech.

You can ask, seems pretty computer to find it.

We're okay here.

I think you can go ahead and take you a little trip now.

Tripp, yep.

Oh, the trip?

Yeah.

I actually totally forgot about it.

I mean, I could check on tickets if they're still available.

Great.

Go have fun and we'll see you later.

You need me, you know?

Alright, so you can get out of here, bud.

Just, you know, making sure you're all set.

Alright, bye.

Alright, bye.

We do all... Have you ever seen Indiana Jones?

He pulls the little sandbags, which he thinks he got away with it until the big

boulder comes rumble and thundering down after him.

You know why?

Because the boulder wasn't fooled.

I'm the boulder.

I only saw the one Michelle above him.

I'm a bit lost.

So, you, uh, you seem pretty down, and I'm just

wondering if it has anything to do with that.

woman who kissed you?

And slapped you and gave you a bag?

What's in the bag?

Nothing you need to worry about.

Well, no, I'm not worried.

I'm just, you know, asking questions as a friend and sometimes friends answer.

I've got to go in here.

I'll be right back.

I know it's the last minute.

Yeah.

It's over tricky lows, but I'll still take care of it for you.

Oh, I appreciate you, Laura.

As you know, I owe you, right?

Do you want to leave it to you?

Oh, no, no, no.

I feel much safer with you with me.

I'll ask you.

Oh.

That's just my friend.

You know what?

There was no way anything was going to stop this anniversary trip.

And the curtain was pretty cool about it.

Not that I'm thinking about the colonel.

But, you know what?

Just call me Colin Farrell, because my head is already in brew.

Woohoo!

I guess that makes me random.

They said, well, he's a good actor.

Hey, a little help.

Hey, you guys, uh, head not on your little anniversary trip, huh?

Sure are, yeah.

What are you two doing out here?

I thought you were working in that you hated disc golf.

You know what?

I apologize for that.

because now I realized they're in my ways.

Papadakis and I were working away and my brain was

melting, staring at that computer while we were hacking.

And he said, I know the perfect antidote.

He says disc golf.

Before I could say no, he says, how can you say no?

Before you say yes.

Wow.

Anyways, so now I guess we're kind of throw bros.

Oh, wow.

He's got a handshake too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, let's see if there's on Monday.

Just one second.

Just one second.

Okay, so this is kind of funny because I brought in Papadakis here as glorified IT.

I know.

Yeah, here you are.

Just just hitting it off.

We've got this natural dynamic.

It's just work.

Do you?

Yeah.

Push, pull.

Yeah.

Line it in McCartney.

We're making music together.

Make music.

Yeah.

Here's the thing about him.

Yeah.

He's not a yes, Matt.

You know what?

I love a good challenge.

Why don't we make this a for some?

You and your friend versus me and my friend.

My wife.

We're never going to be friends.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Latte?

No, I'm actually going to go back.

I got to go to the bathroom and it's a small town to stay in the shoes.

So you should try to have a secret stud acted.

Discover.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You know, I was trying to stretch those up arms to relax and come back to center.

Yeah.

And you're going to reach a palm.

Y'all.

Shh.

Now stay in Maggie Quinn.

Sorry, I just need to help with something.

I knew this moment of a car.

And I am flattered that you ask.

But I simply cannot don it any more spur.

Apparently now my chromosomes are a threat to genetic diversity.

No, that's nothing.

I just need you to tell me in your expert opinion.

And if this bag is full of drugs.

If you can't remember, it's a good chance it is.

It's not my bag.

It is my friend's bag.

And why don't you just open it then?

Let's see.

Well, that would violate my friend's trust.

But if I had to guess, I would say that it feels

like three kilos of something very powdery.

Three kilos?

Give it to you.

Okay.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm sorry to inform you, but this bag is not drugs.

You're sure.

Honey, I've been escorted out of Amsterdam to fight.

Yes, I'm sure.

Okay.

Well, that is a relief to hear.

You know, maybe the drugs part, everything you said is very disturbing.

What are you doing?

I said don't open it.

Oh, yes.

That is something you said.

Yeah.

Yeah, my short-term memory is not good on a count of real drugs.

But you won't be happy to hear that your friends

cremated remains appear to be an excellent condition.

Creamated remains.

Shh.

Creamated remains.

Why would why would she be smuggling cremated remains across the border?

Sometimes, you just have to make a body discipline.

And even the local police are scary good at finding DNA these days.

Ah.

And I'm sort of an expert on DNA on a count of all the sperm I gave out to.

I'll show you how we do it as soon as you bring them to it.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Okay.

No, I'm done!

I'm done!

What?

Relax.

It's a baby gun.

Yeah, we're not playing the normal crap ways.

Playing colonel room.

That's right.

More interesting.

Makes it harder.

Okay.

If we leave right now, we could still make it to

dinner at the pizza hut in the 500-year-old castle.

And I know you want to do that.

That sounds lambos.

I like you because you speak everything you

have on your mind comes right out of your mouth.

You know what?

You're going to make a great Excel one day.

Even for me, maybe.

Oh!

Hey!

Shoss rules.

Hey, he's bleeding.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

Totally.

I'm provoked to tack on an innocent bystander.

Oh, I'm provoked.

Yes!

One minute, I'm the only guy in the world who can help you.

And the next, you're flipping this with this guy because you both hate patting him.

You know, you should be watching people about how they're treated.

You've been the Indiana Jonesingly this whole time.

I can't believe you did this to me.

You know, first of you, first of you, we leave

me for that half of funeral six years ago.

And now this... forget it.

I know what's done.

You know what?

You know what?

I'm going to give you the next five weekends off.

And you can go visit all the tiniest countries in Europe and have boring sex there.

Okay?

Stop it!

You've gone.

Way past being coworkers to being codependent.

Obsession.

We just worked together.

I used to blame you for ruining our marriage.

But now I'm realizing it makes true to play Frisbee golf.

And our sex, by the way, is exotic and spontaneous.

And sometimes it doesn't look like kinky.

Okay.

I just wanted a nice weekend with my husband for a anniversary.

And neither of you wanted to give me that.

Only one of you vowed to put me first for the rest of your life.

That hurts.

And this hurts, too.

My nose.

Whoa!

So I stole your bag.

You don't say it.

Get in.

What is lower home view?

I opened the bag.

So I know that there's remains in there.

But I can't unknown.

Or unsmelt.

And I need you to know.

And I'm your friend.

Dana, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help you, okay?

I'll call an attorney.

I'll call a funeral home.

I'll call a doctor.

It's probably too late for a doctor.

But I will do whatever you ask me, okay?

Because I know that you would do the same for me.

Maggie, they're dog ashes.

They're dog ashes.

They're dog ashes.

I'm a sweet little paprika.

To me, Zach.

Wait.

Why were you being so secretive about it?

Because I told you repeatedly, I didn't want to talk about it.

I'm just saying that sometimes being a friend is just being there.

Well, passivity is not my strong suit.

But I'm gonna, you know, get working on that.

I can't believe this is all the bag.

Yeah, I suck.

I'm just... No, I can't believe that you were willing to do anything for me.

Like, that is...

That's sweet.

You're a one.

So... That girl that you saw me arguing with at this long?

Okay.

That was actually my ex-girlfriend.

Annie.

Okay.

Yeah, we live together in Germany.

And for some reason, we kept adopting elderly Greyhounds, which I do not recommend.

Because at first, they're already like little skeletons.

And then by the end, they're tiny grim reapers, working around their home,

just waiting to break your heart.

Paprika was the last dog we adopted together.

And when she died a couple weeks ago, I asked Annie to do me a favor and drive

her ashes across the border so they didn't get caught up in customs.

And that sketchy guy at the antique store.

I was hooking me up with an urn.

Ugh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cool.

Okay, I guess talking about things isn't so bad.

Wow, that relationship with your ex seems really complicated.

Yeah, the sharing portion is over.

It's ridiculous, and it... It keeps happening.

I know.

I know.

Look, I'm sorry about the trip.

Okay, I know I do this.

I do blame work and the kernel for our relationship problems.

But you're right.

It's my fault too.

Okay.

From now on, when it is our time, the kernel no longer exists.

Hey, why is the door locked?

He has a key.

Okay, it's just for emergencies and snacks.

I will change the locks.

All right, good.

Listen up.

I need you to work next weekend.

I can't do it.

Yeah, you have to do it.

I'll tell you why.

Because I was thinking about the appropriations,

but we're never going to get the funding.

We need to fix everything that's broken on the base.

I think we turn stroup stores into a destination for like summits and peace

talks, and maybe even more planning, okay?

Okay, yeah, secure low profile destination with high end accommodations.

And so I'm useful, but it's a bad time for that.

Bad time.

We're there.

Okay, I need you to take this proposal, okay?

Two, the commander of Benelux, and wait three days

for a response because it's time sensitive, okay?

We need permission.

And he is at a conference in Paris.

And I need you to take this public affairs officer with you because she is going to

write the press release if you, in fact, get permission.

I have always wanted to go to Paris.

Hey, yeah!

That's fabulous pretzels.

And, oh my god, no, these are the ones I told you to stop getting.

They're too dry.

I mean, I'm going to eat them anyways, but I'll make a list.

Hey, Colonel.

Yeah.

Hey, Colonel.

Hey, uh-uh.

Thank you.

Hey, listen, man, I've had so many divorces.

I could smell when coming from a mile away as I stopped

maybe a little for breeze to take this stink off.

Look, some of the things I said I didn't mean.

It's just that...

this... working relationship is important to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

I mean, I mean, you know, to me, you're my favorite co-worker I've ever had.

Like, I feel like we're really, you know, we're so...

perfect together that when you go away.

I'm like, come on, am I going to do?

Well, who can I go work with?

And I can't really with anybody, so... I got something in my eye every day.

Yeah, me too.

I got something.

Ah.

A pre-coat.

Oh, a pre-coat.

Oh, that's... that explains it.

I didn't... it doesn't taste like a pre-coat.

Sir, permission would not be your friend anymore.

I'll pop it on because that whole thing is fake.

I know it started out that way, but like all

great movies and it turned into something real.

And I'm just here to let you know that it is not going to work out between us.

Hell, I couldn't handle being your fake friend.

I think the real thing had killed me.

Guess what I'm trying to say is goodbye, man.

Goodbye, I was hanging out on the weekend.

I didn't earn this makeup.

Happy good life.

What the hell is going on?

I think you just got dumped.

A power play in HQ leads to...