Original subtitles

You made out with Patience?

Puritans don't do casual hookups.

She probably thinks we're engaged now.

I believe that we shouldst be together.

Yeah, but... different worlds.

Oh, but that can be remedied. I have met your friends,

and you can meet my people.

-Where is this going? -Trevor Lefkowitz,

allow me to introduce you to The Others.

Oh, nice to meet you, The Others.

Hey, I'm Bruce, and this is Brother Richard,

my beautiful wife Sunrise

and her husband Male Number 28.

Sometimes people call me Ted.

So, is this like some sort of cult?

Oh, we don't like that word.

It's not a cult, it's a family.

Great legs, by the way.

Oh, thanks. Died on leg day.

- Like to think I retained some pump. This is Trevor.

The Jewish fellow I was telling you about.

Oh, we're a monotheistic religion as well.

We worship Bruce.

Yeah, he's a guy

we met at a Cream concert,

and now he's our one true god.

The meteorite chose him.

Wait a minute. Meteorite?

Has anyone seen my glasses?

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Flower?

Bruce.

-You knoweth him? -Yeah.

He was my cult leader.

Babe, check it out.

The GEK 3000,

the most powerful

street-legal metal detector you can get.

-Okay, but why did you get this? -It's for Bimini.

All those white sandy beaches and drunk honeymooners,

I find two wedding rings, the trip is paid for.

Oh, that's right. You guys are leaving

for your big group trip to Bimini today.

Were you just in the bathroom?

Oh, yeah, yeah. New thing I'm doing.

- You know, I was thinking about it... Hey, babe.

It's got an injection-molded grip.

Sorry, Pete's just explaining why he still uses the bathroom.

- Yeah, I'll hold for that. - Yeah, back when

I was alive, sure, going to the bathroom

served a practical function,

but it was also just a nice little break in the day.

So, you just...

-sitting in there? -Yeah. You know,

why let the fact that I can't metabolize food

or produce feces keep me from enjoying a moment's peace?

Sam.

We got four new ghosts.

It's Bruce, and some old friends

-from my cult. -Not a cult. A family.

So, this is the Living who can see ghosts?

Yeah, and her husband.

He's just, uh, regular.

Sam, you won't believe it, this thing can detect a coin

up to 12 feet deep.

Sorry, Jay, there's a bunch of new ghosts.

One of whom is Flower's old cult leader Bruce.

Tough day to debut

the metal detector.

But where they all come from?

Thor been on property a thousand years.

Never see.

It was summer 1970.

Our community was being unfairly targeted by the authorities,

so we needed to go into hiding,

and one of our members knew about an old bunker.

A Cold War-era fallout shelter

where we'd be safe and secure forever.

There was a carbon monoxide leak

and we all died on the first night.

We chosen ones stayed behind,

but most of the family ascended to the Great Asteroid Belt.

Oh, I believe you said they went to Io,

Jupiter's third largest moon.

Right.

Richard.

- On it as usual. - Wait.

You're saying there's a bunker full of dead bodies

-on the property? -Seriously?

Well, if they've been here since the '70s,

this feels kind of like an "after Bimini" situation

to deal with, so I'm gonna go pack.

Bruce, I can't believe you're back.

We have so much to catch up on.

I'm Thor, boyfriend of Flower.

Oh. Well, nice to meet you, Thor.

You know, we have a saying in the bunker.

Boyfriends come and go,

but family is forever.

-Actually, I believe the saying... -I swear to God, Richard.

I mean, peace and love, Brother Richard.

So, what did you think of my friends?

Oh, they seem great.

Oh, good.

Then with the formality of introductions behind us,

our courtship can proceed with the intention of marriage.

Wait, marriage?

There she is.

How youse doing?

Is this the man I've been hearing so much about?

Cutie.

I'm sorry, who's this?

Oh, tis my truest friend Barbara.

We met in the dirt.

Hey, Legs, did you know your hoagie's out?

-Are you from Philadelphia? -Does a Mummer take

a leak on Two Street?

South Philly girl, born and raised.

Wow.

Ask if we want to go to the beach for dessert.

Youse want to go down the shore for some wooder ice?

Oh, my God.

You know, I once went down to the shore.

Uh, beautiful place to drown a witch.

You led the surrender from Fort Ticonderoga?

I read about that in high school, man.

That's far-out!

Well, any surrender is the work of many hands,

but I did sort of get the ball rolling

-on the whole "giving up" thing. -Hey.

It takes great courage to run away like that.

You might even be family material.

Oh, great. Hope you don't like sleeping with women.

- I don't. - Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Isaac.

I was just sitting here when they came in.

Now we're hanging out.

They think I'm cool.

Flower,

I can't believe our heavenly souls have been reunited,

but in fact, it is just as the meteorite predicted.

All hail the meteorite, the source of all wisdom.

- Yeah, um, a-about that. - Hmm.

When I was alive, you said that the meteorite predicted

the world would end on February 13, 2025.

-Exactly. -But that day came and went

and the world didn't end.

Right, well, the thing about that is...

when I received the math from the meteorite,

I forgot to carry the one.

So, you're saying that the meteorite

didn't give you a date that the world would end,

it gave you an equation?

That's right.

Makes sense to me.

Math is hard.

Yeah.

You ready, babe? Garrett and Libby

are picking us up for the airport.

They're gonna be here any minute.

Yep, I'm ready.

Are you still bringing the metal detector?

Uh, that depends. Do you want to be

the most popular people on this group trip?

He's got a point. Everybody wants

to talk to the guy with the metal detector.

It's a great icebreaker.

Thor use axe to break ice.

I come with news.

Flower has rejoined the cult.

Oh, no.

This very bad.

And more news.

I also got in.

Great, they're almost here. I'm gonna get the bags.

Uh, Jay, we might have to meet them at the airport.

There's a bit of a ghost situation.

Damn it.

You know, I got in on the first try.

Bruce says not a lot of people get in on the first try.

-This is awful. -Yeah, Thor thought Flower

put all that cult stuff behind her.

That car ride to the airport with Garrett and Libby

was gonna be prime bonding time.

Oh, I see, he's upset about something much more trivial.

It's about winning a group trip: the car ride bonding

leads to the airport bonding,

and by the time we're in Bimini, everyone else

is on the outside looking in at us.

I'm sorry, Jay, I'm just worried about Flower.

It's okay, we still have the metal detector.

We still have our ace in the hole.

Hello? Is anyone worried about me?

Because I also, as previously mentioned,

-got in. -Congratulations, Isaac.

Flower make so much progress.

Many say is thanks to Thor.

Not for Thor to say.

But now, Thor very worried for Flower.

Well, go talk to her, big guy.

If anyone can get through to her, it's you.

Yeah.

Thor good speaking.

Ugh, she's perfect.

Instead of "sandwich," she says "hoagie."

Instead of "sprinkles," she says "jimmies."

-So, just break up with Patience and get with Barbara. -Oh.

Sweet innocent Sass. If only it were that simple.

You can't dump someone and then date their best friend.

Well, I mean, over the course of one year,

I dated four brothers.

But the rules don't apply to me. I'm Bertie.

I got it. I have to get Patience to break up with me.

Then I'm not the bad guy.

The question is, how am I gonna

get Patience to break up with this?

Mm. If only there was someone on the property

who was an expert on getting dumped.

Oh, come on.

That's a little bit hyperbolic.

Well, Joan never came back.

And of course, the car ghost left you for roast beef.

Y-Yeah...

That was... tough. Okay.

Not that I'm the expert,

but if you want Patience to break up with you,

just figure out all the things that she likes about you

and then just try to change those things.

Well, I can't do anything about the chiseled jawline.

But she does seem really into my work ethic.

Maybe there's something I can do there.

Great. Sounds like a plan.

Thank you, Sass.

I stand on the shoulders of dumped giants.

Glad I could help.

It's so nice to have you back

in the fold, Sister Flower.

And just to be clear, she did not get in on her first try?

Which is fine. I mean, not everybody does.

Flower, can Thor speak with you?

Oh. Hey, Thor.

Uh, I'm not sure that now is a good time.

Actually, now is a perfect time.

Flower had something she wanted to talk to you about.

Flower?

Um...

Flower, what he talking about?

Let's talk in private.

I'm afraid you're not gonna like it.

Hmm.

What about him? Did he get in on the first try?

What happening? Are you going to break up with Thorfinn?

No, you big oaf.

I'm gonna destroy the cult from the inside.

What you mean?

Seeing all of my old friends

still falling for Bruce's lies,

it's just, it's too much for me to bear.

So, I'm gaining their trust,

and then I'm going to expose Bruce for the fraud that he is.

Yes. Use deception to destroy your enemy.

Is like time I tell Danish chief I want to discuss treaty,

but instead, use axe to kill him in front of entire family.

Uh, yeah, yeah. Sort of the same thing.

-How can Thor help? -You can't.

This is something I have to do on my own.

Now scream like I just broke up with you

and then storm out of here.

No!

I'm so sorry!

What troubleth thee?

Just wallowing in self-pity.

I got fired from my job.

Oh, dear.

Well, I am certain you will soon find another firm

in need of a moneylender.

No, not interested.

Thinking about getting into sloth.

Maybe become a layabout.

So...

if you want to get off the T train,

I completely understand.

Oh, my beloved.

-Oh. -Oh.

The T train is a locomotive from which

I shall never disembark.

What? You're not gonna break up with me?

At the first sign of trouble?

Heavens, no.

Loyalty is the most divine of virtues.

But why would you want to be loyal to me,

a lazy do-nothing?

Now, you listen here.

You are an ingenious and resourceful man

with hearty quads and a supple buttock.

You will find your way.

I believe in you, Trevor.

Really?

That's, uh...

that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.

Thank you.

-Patience. -Patience.

Bruce, why are we welcoming

Sister Flower back into the family?

Yeah, I thought you hated Flower.

Isn't she the reason we had

to go into hiding in the first place?

Guys, guys, let's not

gang up on Bruce.

I'm sure he has his reasons.

Thank you, Richard.

I do have my reasons.

It's true, Flower betrayed us.

So... we will welcome her into our warm embrace,

and then we will take our revenge.

Applause.

Okay.

- Hey there, Trevor. - What are you doing?

I wanted to see how you're doing.

So...

how you doing?

Whoa.

I thought you were Patience's friend.

She's all right. Little creepy.

Now are we doing this or what?

I, uh...

I don't know.

Come on,

I thought you liked the way I talked.

-Wawa. -Oh.

Schuylkill.

Cheesesteak wit wiz.

No, no. I can't do this.

What?

Barbara...

you may be a stone-cold ten,

and your dialect is pure, uncut sex appeal.

But Patience is

loyal, and...

you're not. And...

oh, I think I'm into Patience.

Wow.

Well, you know what? You're a friggin' loser.

A bigger friggin' loser than all the Pirate fans put together.

Go Phils.

I just overheard something crazy!

Those lunatics are trying

to make Flower a little dirt weasel!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Peter, slow down.

what are you saying?

I was going to the bathroom,

and I was just about to pretend to flush

when I heard the cult start talking about their plan

to lure Flower to the bunker and push her into the dirt.

I can't believe this.

They're making secret revenge plans without me?

Oh, there's always another velvet rope

behind the velvet rope.

Pete is saying that Bruce has an evil plan

to seek revenge on Flower.

- What did Flower do? - Apparently,

after she left the cult, she blabbed

to some undercover cop at Woodstock

about their whereabouts,

and that's why they had to go into hiding.

So they blame Flower for their deaths.

So, Flower basically kill 20 people.

That's pretty hot.

Flower told a cop

about the cult, which caused them to go into hiding,

and now they're gonna take her back to the bunker

and push her into the dirt.

Oh, no.

Although, if I recall,

the last time Flower was in mortal danger,

the ghosts kind of handled it on their own.

And I bet it was kind of empowering for them.

We need to tell Flower!

To the TV room to stop them.

Yes, and to get to the bottom of

why they didn't include me in their plotting,

-but mainly the stopping thing. -Oh!

What did you do to Patience?

What are you talking about?

She said she walked in on you hooking up with Barbara.

What? No. I rejected Barbara.

It almost killed me, but I did it.

Well, whatever happened, she seemed pretty upset.

She said she never wants to talk to you again,

then she yelled her name three times and ran into the dirt.

No!

They're gone.

Have you guys seen Flower or the cult?

I think they went back to the bunker.

What? All of them?

But how could they go without Male Number 51?

-That's me. -Oh, no, Jay,

they went back to the bunker.

Well, it's okay.

Patience can lead us there.

Yeah, unfortunately, Patience is mad at Trevor,

so she went back into the dirt,

and it doesn't seem like she's gonna be coming back

-anytime soon. -Ah, a Puritan scorned.

If we don't get to bunker soon,

Flower will be lost to us forever.

But we don't know where the entrance to the bunker is.

And I don't know how we're gonna find it.

That hasn't been opened in 60 years.

It's probably completely grown over with grass.

Huh. If only there was someone with the right equipment

and the know-how to find metal in the ground.

Oh, wait.

Boop, boop. Boop!

I think I found our guy.

How that work?

Jay, you know this means we'll miss our flight to Bimini?

With great power comes great responsibility.

Our invisible hippie friend is in the ground

and we're gonna go get her

because my wife fell down some stairs five years ago.

Ooh, cool bunker.

Flower?

We have some unfortunate news we need to discuss with you.

You're not actually here

for a 60th anniversary cult orgy.

-Oh. -We've brought you here

to punish you for betraying us.

What?

We know that you ratted us out

to a cop at Woodstock.

I mean, I did talk about you guys,

but I don't recall any cop.

And I was just saying all the nice things,

about the orgies and the drugs

and how smart you were with the tax evasion.

Oh, wait.

Now I see. Okay.

-Sister Flower... -Hmm?

...for your betrayal, you are hereby sentenced

to an eternity in the dirt.

Husbands, your ban

on touching women is temporarily lifted.

Now push her through the wall.

No, no, no, no, no. Wait!

W-Wait!

- What is that? - The GEK 3000

to the rescue!

Flower, we're here for you!

We made it in time.

Flower's here.

Back off, hippie scum.

Whoa, if we could get cable down here,

this would be a literal man cave.

So was everyone told about the dirting?

I'm not saying I support it,

but as someone who famously

got into the cult on the first try,

I would have loved to have at least been looped in.

Flower,

let's get you out of here.

Wait, I can't leave yet.

I came here to expose Bruce as a fraud

and free all of my old friends from his grasp.

What's this broad talking about?

Bruce preys on your desire for community and family.

But real families aren't bound by manipulation and control.

Real families are bound together by love.

She's crazy.

And anyone who dares listen to her

will never again get a nibble

of my carrot.

These guys could have left me here

to get pushed into the dirt, but they didn't.

Would Bruce do the same for any of you?

Oh!

I'm getting a new prophecy.

The meteorite says a great betrayer

will return to sow seeds of doubt.

Hold on, that could be Flower.

Interesting. Good point, Richard.

Meteorite? What is he

talking about? That is a hide-a-key.

You know, one of those fake rock things

that you put a spare key inside of.

We had one outside for Jerry to--

Oh, damn it.

Oh, no, no, no, no. This is from space.

If that's on his ghost person, then the actual

hide-a-key, which would prove that Bruce is a fraud,

is on his dead body.

- Oh, no. - All our dead bodies

are in the other room, through that door.

The bodies are in that room, Jay.

Bruce died wearing a little satchel,

so the hide-a-key is probably inside that.

Ugh. Fine. I'm on it.

I should be sipping mai tais

-in the Delta lounge. -This is ridiculous.

Why must the outside world intrude on our affairs?

Oh, my God, Sam. I'm gonna throw up.

Why are they afraid of our happiness and secret knowledge?

Okay,

I got it, but I'm picking the next 50 movies

for movie night.

"Made in Taiwan."

I believe Taiwan

is actually the third moon of Saturn.

Can it, Bruce.

Ha. And a Volkswagen key.

Ooh. Yeah, that's hard to defend.

Okay, well, sorry, folks.

Cult's over.

Honestly, it's a bit of a weight off.

My name's Jason,

and, uh, I couldn't get a girlfriend.

Jason to Bruce? Feels a bit lateral.

You know we have to dirt you now, right?

Ooh.

I'd rather you didn't.

So that's a no? Okay.

-No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! -Well, my work here is done.

Nice seeing everyone.

So you found the deceased and then waited a week

to get in touch with my office?

What's happening here?

Oh, Sam and Jay are trying to explain to the coroner

why they went on vacation after

finding a pile of dead bodies.

- And how's that going? - Marvin,

are you familiar

with the concept of "Island Time"?

- Not well. - Look, you guys are

my best customers by a wide margin,

so I'm gonna let it slide this time.

It's not great that you're on these kind of terms

- with the coroner. - So, uh,

how was Bimini?

It was good. I mean, we had to take

a later flight than everybody else,

so we missed the whole first night. You know,

welcoming drinks and the opening ceremony

for the scavenger hunt.

Yeah, there were a lot of inside jokes

that we didn't get, so we were kind of

playing catch-up the whole week.

Oh, yeah, that sounds tough.

Well, I'm gonna start tagging the bodies.

Well, at least you got to attend.

And it seems like you may be on the short list

for Marvin's Christmas party this year.