Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing...

We need help.

I'm bringing in Bruno Gianelli.

It's too early for Bruno. No.

Toby, Sam and Josh-- the guys aren't going to like it.

They'll have to live with it.

Leo, the only races I've ever lost

are ones where the candidate didn't listen

or the advice didn't get through.

That isn't going to happen this time.

Connie, it seems to me your job

is to wait until Doug leaves the room

and then say, "What Doug really meant was..."

How much they pay you for that?

Sometimes it's my job to say it when he's in the room.

Mrs. Bartlet, I want to talk to you about...

Dr. Bartlet.

When did I stop being Dr. Bartlet?

When in the campaign did I decide

that women were going to like me more

if I called myself Mrs.?

One day, I'm going to get called to the Situation Room

and it's going to be good news.

We'll have discovered buried treasure

or it turns out there's life on Andromeda

and they think we're doing a good job.

When's that day going to come, Nancy?

When's that going to happen?

Settle down.

What do you need?

The Commander of the Pac Fleet has informed us

that he's lost contact with the USS Portland

which is a Sea Wolf class sub.

What were their orders?

They were on a close-in a week ago.

They were supposed to report in yesterday at 14:00.

They were going to surface to periscope depth

and download and upload deterrence intelligence data.

Well, they've gone quiet. They're a submarine.

Sure, maybe.

But?

They usually call in and say they're going quiet.

What are the other possibilities?

That they've lost all power

and they're drifting aimlessly in hostile waters.

What hostile waters?

Yeah, the Portland's in the Yellow Sea.

Their last location was 60 miles due west of Seoul.

We haven't heard from them and they're in North Korea?

Yeah.

What do we have ready if we need to order

a massive and undetectable rescue mission?

We put two DSRVs on alert from Ballast Point, San Diego.

Two C-141 Starlifters are on alert at NAS North Island,

ready to pick up a rescue crew and fittings.

They'll meet up with two Fast Attack Sea Wolfs

we have stationed off Japan-- each carrying 50 Tomahawks.

They practice for this all the time

but we shouldn't do it, not yet.

Why not?

Because I think

they've gone quiet.

You said they usually call.

They usually do.

I've got to tell the President.

The President's going to hit the panic button, Leo.

If the Portland went quiet,

it's 'cause somebody's sitting on top of them.

These guys know what they're doing.

I'll be back.

The propellers aren't going.

No.

They know I want to leave now?

Yes, sir.

The propellers aren't going.

Maybe they're saving fuel.

That makes sense.

Also, there's a chance I could get hit getting on or off.

( chuckles ): Yeah.

Excuse me?

Sir?

You think I'm not tall enough

to get hit in the neck by the propellers on Marine One?

I think Dikembe Mutombo

isn't tall enough to get hit in the neck

by the propellers on Marine One.

I duck when I get on that helicopter, and you should, too.

It's just good safety sense.

Yes, sir.

They know I want to leave now? Yes, sir.

Filing day, Charlie.

Last to get on the ballot in New Hampshire.

Yes, sir.

I'm going myself.

Oh, I could send an aide...

But you're going yourself? I'm going myself.

Always have, always will.

There's nothing left to run for after this.

Fair enough.

Always have, never will.

But I'm going myself.

You know why?

It's a statement about democracy?

It's a profound statement about democracy.

Are you mocking me?

No, sir.

The thing before wasn't

a crack about my height?

No... Yeah, it was.

LEO: You all set to leave?

Yes, I am. I'm going myself.

It's a profound statement about democracy.

It's not a problem.

I'm up, I'm back-- the whole thing takes two hours.

I think it's great.

And I know how much you love doing it.

I do love doing it.

It's one of my all-time fav...

Yeah, you can't go.

Why not?

This is one of those things we've talked about

that sounds worse than it is

because of your inexperience with the military.

What is it?

Okay.

The USS Portland is a Sea Wolf class--

or big-- nuclear submarine.

Yeah.

It has a crew of 137,

is loaded down with highly classified

intelligence-gathering equipment

and is in the waters off North Korea.

Right.

We don't have it right now.

What does "we don't have it" mean?

Well, as you know, with our ships,

our boats and our submarines, we keep in pretty close touch

with radar, sonar, satellites, radio, encrypted messages...

and we don't have the Portland right now.

We don't have it.

We do not.

And they're in North Korea.

Yes, last we heard.

So we're going to set up meetings in the next few hours.

Plus, if anything happens,

I don't like people knowing you were running for election

while the boat was out there.

No, I think I'll go ahead and cancel that trip, Leo,

if only to stick around

and see how this sounds worse than it really is.

I'll stick around, too.

I think you will.

* Love's going to leave me

( instrumental music continues )

* I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt *

* So sexy it hurts...

Hey, I'm here.

I'm glad.

What's this song about?

This is "I'm Too Sexy."

Yeah, for his shirt

he's too sexy.

Other things, too. He lists them.

Yeah, well, I think he's feeling good.

I think he's feeling sexy.

Too sexy.

I think it's the kind of thing

where someone says, "Oh, this is just too good."

Hyperbole.

Yeah.

So it's not a problem.

It's not a song about somebody having a problem.

No, he's feeling good. That's why he's singing.

Okay.

You see the wires?

Not yet. Is there anything?

No.

Majority leader

was doing local news in Cleveland last night

and they asked him why he wants to be President.

What did he say?

I really don't know.

Wait a second.

Are you telling me he got the question and he...

It was a train wreck.

I recognized all the words...

Get me the transcript.

Yeah.

* I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy... *

Ten-hut.

Where's the damn submarine, Nancy?

I don't want to hear "I don't know."

I want to hear how many people are out there

swimming around looking for it!

See, and I thought you

were going to panic, sir.

LEO: Nancy, I happen to agree with the President

who, on military matters by the way, is a lot...

Shut up.

Yeah.

How long can the crew survive down there?

Well, we don't know what's going on.

You want the worst-case scenario?

Yes.

If they're flooding, it could be

a matter of hours.

How close are these guys to landfall?

They're about 4,000 yards

off the southern coast of Kaesong in Haeju Bay.

4,000 yards, they get that close?

Yes, sir.

They set a wire tap on a cable

in North Korea's coastal operations zone.

4,000 yards?

Yeah.

Can they send a distress signal?

They can, but they won't

if they think they'll be detected.

They would wait to send a distress signal and risk

their lives?

Mr. President, submariners understand

that, if they sink, it won't be a rescue, it'll be a recovery.

They measure risk and rewards

not just in terms of their own lives,

but in terms of national interest.

Well, that's great.

I assess the national interest

by the number of people alive, not dead.

You have four hours

before I order the Pacific Fleet into Haeju Bay.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. President.

We need to weigh in with somebody at State.

I agree. Yes.

Is Peter still recovering?

Yes.

All right, we'll talk to someone else--

someone we trust. Yeah.

Anybody but... Albie Duncan.

Right, anybody but him.

No, I'm saying it's got to be Albie Duncan.

Why?

'Cause he knows what he's talking about.

So does Peter.

Peter's recovering from heart surgery.

Was it... I don't... Was it serious heart surgery?

We've got to meet with Albie.

He's going to scold me.

He's been at the State Department since Truman

and he thinks I'm a kid and that he outranks me.

You'll be fine.

I've got to tell him I lost a submarine.

Can I make something up

like say, "What if a friend of mine, hypothetically..."

We'll meet with him as soon as he can get here.

Bring a copy of the Constitution.

I want to show him I'm not scared.

Good morning.

Hey, Bruno. Hey, Connie.

Hey, Bruno, can you devise a campaign strategy

that involves beating the crap out of Leo?

Why not?

Yeah.

Okay, let's get started.

Where's Toby?

He's in the... I don't care.

These are direct mail leaflets.

"Bartlet: Hopelessly Liberal."

"Bartlet: Super-Liberal."

"Bartlet: Liberal,

Liberal, Liberal."

These aren't coming from our side, right?

No.

You want to run an ad?

The most dangerous time

in an incumbent's campaign

is before there's opposition.

Plus, the hearings are around the corner.

There's a stealth war going on.

Leaflets, flyers, phone trees...

How much is it going to cost?

One million five for this one.

But, in the next three months,

I'll need $8 million for new ads and airtime.

Work up an ad

for 60 bucks and a waffle and we'll talk. Sam...

We're going to need that money in Iowa in nine weeks.

If we don't spend it now, we're going to have problems in Iowa.

We don't even know if there's a challenger yet.

And if there is one, we'd like to scare him off.

And you don't think the best way to do that

is to keep the war chest intact?

Aha, you're talking about hard money.

Yeah, I'm talking about hard money.

What are you talking about?

Excuse me.

Listen, Toby...

What does $105 million mean to you?

What do you mean? I just got tipped

that the new budget will include an additional $105 million

for the National Park Service

and that number means something and I can't remember what.

I don't know.

Anybody?

No.

Listen...

Just give me a few minutes. I'll be back.

Does $105 million mean anything to you?

I'm a simple girl, Toby.

Yes, yes you are.

Bonnie, $105 million?

My answer hasn't changed since the last time you asked me.

Toby... C.J.

"I'm... too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my skirt,

too sexy... for the other things!"

What in God's name is...

He got the question. Who?

The majority leader. When?

Last night, local news, Cleveland, Ohio.

Oh, me-oh, oh, my-oh.

Oh, Cleveland, Ohio, he got the question!

What's the question?

Why do you want to be President?

And what'd he say?

"The reason I would run, were I to run

is, I have a great belief in this country as a country

and in this people as a people that go into making this country

a nation with the greatest natural resources

and population of people,

educated people."

( imitates gunshot )

I'll spread it around.

"I'm...too sexy for my shoes

"too sexy for the blues, too sexy..."

C.J.

Yeah. The new budget's going to have

an additional $105 million for the National Park Service.

Does $105 million mean anything to you?

No. Okay.

Except it's the same amount for the budget

for the National Endowment for the Arts.

Yeah.

Get me...

I'll get her on the phone.

Why, Dr. Bartlet.

Don't start with me, Oliver.

Start what?

All right,

you want to give me grief about my ankle,

do it quickly, get it over with

so we can move on with this rectal probe.

Do you know why I call you Dr. Bartlet?

Because I have a medical license?

and because when I look at you, I think about health.

Goodness, what happened to your ankle, Dr. Bartlet?

I broke it.

Otherwise, I'd be ramming it up your...

How did you break it? It was in the newspapers.

I'm sure you read about it.

I read Le Monde. Was it in Le Monde?

I don't know.

I don't read Le Monde.

Pity.

I was hiking, Oliver. I was hiking.

Are you really that much an enemy of nature?

Nature is to be protected from.

Nature, like a woman,

will seduce you with its sights and its scents and its touch...

and then it breaks your ankle.

Also like a woman.

What the hell kind of dates are you going on, Oliver?

I hear ya.

Yeah.

But here's what I think you should do,

Dr. Bartlet, and I'm speaking to you

as White House Counsel to First Lady.

I want you to make a national address,

encouraging women not to go hiking

or at least not ask me to go with them.

Do we get to work?

Jonathan Hawkings

Nina Alva, Maurice Blustein, Jessica Nording--

do these names mean anything to you?

Where'd you get them?

Democrats on Oversight.

They're on the witness list?

Yeah. Those are some of the patients

involved in malpractice suits against me.

How many have there been altogether?

Four were immediately dismissed as nuisance suits.

I went to court on two and won, one was settled.

It's the life of a doctor.

From this witness list,

it is becoming clear to me

what the President's biggest liability is going to be.

What?

You.

Tawny.

"Throne," by Rain Billings,

a photographer from North Dakota

whose work consists of Polaroids

of his dysfunctional family in the bathroom.

Yes.

"One Horse-Two Horse" by Marc Moloney.

He calls himself an installation artist.

Did your committee...?

What it is, is two big screen TVs

side by side, one of them with footage

of black stallions running in reverse

the other one showing The Godfather.

Tawny...

"Slut" is a one-word poem

by Jules Waltz.

It's stamped in scarlet on a piece of 40x40 black canvas.

Here's a woman who gets naked,

covers herself completely in chocolate and sings.

Does that appeal to you?

By and large, I'm not wild about musicals.

They're all projects funded by Oakenwood

during his chairmanship of the Endowment.

You're dissolving the Endowment

to give more money to National Parks?

"Hold the Lettuce."

Lydia Benedict's two bacon cheeseburgers

were constructed from pieces of burlap and rottweiler dung.

It's not me. It's the committee I work for.

Look... ( knock at door )

Excuse me.

Hey, Tawny.

Sam, have you heard of Andrew Hawkins?

No.

You funded

his performance piece recently,

which involved him destroying all his belongings

outside a Starbucks in Haight Ashbury.

I've done that a couple of times.

I didn't know there was funding available.

Yeah.

Can I talk to you a second?

Yeah.

What's going on?

Appropriation's wants to eliminate the NEA.

What's going on in there?

He thinks it's time to run ads.

With what?

Soft money.

All right, I'll be in when I can.

Oh, hey, you know what?

The NEA... that's $105 million.

Yeah.

Sam. Yeah?

Did you hear? What?

The majority leader got the question last night.

And? ( choking sounds )

Get me the transcript. Yeah, listen.

I've got to get back in there.

We've got an answer, right?

To what? If he's asked why

he wants to be President, we've got a good answer?

I'm sure we do. I've got to get back in there.

* I'm too sexy...

BABISH: Arlene Neiderlander.

She's the wife of a patient upon whom I performed

a coronary artery by-pass graft.

She filed a wrongful death suit

claiming he died as a result of complications due to surgery.

Did he?

He developed an infection,

like two percent of CABG surgeries;

in his case, mediastinitis.

He was 74, diabetic,

and the infection spread to his liver.

New York Superior Court Judge Nguyen dismissed the case.

Oliver, draw a line for me from the malpractice suits

to the Committee's investigation of the President.

It's an investigation of you, too, Abbey.

You had prescriptions filled in your own name

which you administered daily to the President.

But that in itself... Hang on.

You're not a medical expert, you didn't keep records

you violated medical practices in three states

and most important, you're his wife,

which is a violation of the AMA's code of ethics.

How is this the purview

of House Government Reform and Oversight?

It's not.

They don't have a criminal case against the President, do they?

No.

But they can develop one against me.

Yeah.

And in going after me,

they can paint the President.

Sure.

Distract him from governing.

Distract the public's attention from the campaign.

Yeah.

It was an infection.

It was a liver infection.

Should we keep going?

Yeah.

SAM: You know what we're talking about here?

Sure.

Do you know what we're talking about?

She knows what we're talking about.

I want to make sure Connie knows what we're talking about.

I know what we're talking about. Fine.

Sam? Yeah.

You know what we're talking about, right?

We're talking about unlimited, unregulated money

that can be raised in staggering amounts.

Yes.

Understand it's not like there's a law

that envisioned soft money.

It's just that there's no law

that specifically bans it.

It's a loophole so big,

you could race the America's Cup through it.

How can the President be opposed

to soft money one year and then take it the next?

Where's he going to be

on campaign finance reform tomorrow?

Exactly where he is today.

Leading the charge against it.

In the meantime, Congress and the FEC

have been sitting on their hands.

Is that our fault?

No.

No.

So, now Bartlet's

supposed to obey a law that doesn't exist?

What's next, imaginary street signs?

Excuse me, but there's such a thing as...

What?

There's such a thing as...

What?

Okay, we're going to sit quietly for a moment.

Okay.

Leadership by example.

There's such a thing as leadership by example.

Yeah, it comes right before

getting your ass kicked in an election.

We're really talking about this, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Toby's going to be in in a minute.

PRESIDENT: Every single election.

Yes.

Legislature. House. Governor.

Yeah.

President.

Yeah. It's a statement about democracy.

I've heard it before.

I was just... ( knock at door)

Sir?

Is he here?

Yes, sir. Okay.

It's a profound statement about democracy.

Mr. President.

Good morning, Albie.

Good morning.

Hello, Leo.

Good to see you, Albie.

Can I get you anything?

No, sir.

Some coffee, a soft drink?

No, sir.

Okay.

Okay.

I've asked you here, Albie,

because you are the Assistant Secretary of State

and I, of course, am the President.

What have you done?

You see, right away.

Don't worry about it.

Albie, the Pac Fleet Commander's informed us

that we've lost contact with the Portland.

The Portland's a Sea Wolf class?

Yeah. Where is it?

Lake George.

Somewhere in Haeju Bay.

You've lost a nuclear submarine in North Korea, Mr. President.

Thanks, Albie, that much the National Security Council

has made clear to me.

Any chance they've gone quiet?

Nancy thinks there is.

I'm assuming they didn't radio.

No.

And if they were in trouble,

you see, they wouldn't send a distress signal

'cause they might be detected.

And submariners have a different set of criteria

when assessing risk versus

reward.

He knows.

Okay, I'll just stand over there.

Where are we?

The President wants to give four hours before a rescue.

We're an hour into it.

All the pieces in place?

Yep.

Who do we talk to in the meantime?

Nobody.

You sure?

Yes.

We don't talk to the North Koreans?

And tell 'em what?

You've got casus belli?

Cause for war.

Little thing called Latin.

Albie, if we tell North Korea

we violated their waters,

it could be interpreted as an act of war?

It is an act of war.

We'll tell them it's not.

It is.

You violated international law.

You've taken provocative action.

At best, you'll be creating a crisis atmosphere

and North Korea's got

the fourth largest army in the world.

1968, the USS Pueblo

was on an intelligence mission off the DPRK.

North Korea attacks with vessels and a MiG jet.

The 82 surviving crew are captured,

they're held and tortured for 11 months

until we issue an apology for "the grave acts

of espionage committed by the U.S. ship."

I was there.

'Kay.

Can I talk to you alone for a second?

Yeah.

Let's not call North Korea just yet.

No.

Leo, gut feeling.

Has the boat gone quiet?

Yeah.

Trust the captain, trust the crew.

All right. Three more hours.

And I think he should stay.

Who? Albie.

He can talk us through some things

and if we need to start making calls,

he'll be helpful.

Also, he'll be good to have around for morale

'cause he's Mr. Happy Fun Guy.

Look...

Albie...

I'm going to ask you to stay around for a while.

Well, then, I'll take that soft drink now

if you've got it, Mr. President.

Just a little Schweppes Bitter Lemon

on ice with a twist.

Charlie!

Yes, sir.

Charlie, could you have someone bring

some Schweppes Bitter Lemon

and a copy of the Constitutional order of succession, please.

Yes, sir.

( sighs )

"As always, your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated.

"Also appreciated was the visit to the White House

"by some 50 of your constituents

"on board a bus that was chartered by your office.

"Their complaints

"were respectfully heard by my assistant

"and I regret that matters escalated to the point

"where she felt it necessary to call in the Park Police.

"You'll be happy to know that their bus has been refueled

"and that the seniors are on their way home,

"each having been allowed to keep their security tags

as a souvenir."

Look, I was just... "Signed... "

Do it.

Excuse me. Hey.

You got a second?

Type that.

Look, I was just... Type it.

May I use your computer?

What's wrong with yours?

One of them poured Wheatina on the keyboard.

Go ahead.

( sighs )

We had a little problem earlier.

What's up?

The majority leader got the question last night.

Yeah? And just kept on digging.

"We have the greatest technology of any people

"of any country in the world, along with the greatest--

"not the greatest, but very serious--

"problems confronting our people

"and I want to be President

"in order to focus on these problems

"in a way that uses the energy of our people

to move us forward, basically."

Yes.

It's the "basically" that makes it art.

Listen, the best thing we can do is to take a step back.

We can't be seen to be gloating.

Sure, yeah, we do that when nobody's looking.

Okay.

Anything else? No.

They poured Wheatina on her keyboard.

Listen.

How good is our answer?

It's good. Really?

Yeah. What is it?

Do we have one?

Josh! I'm sure we have one.

Will you check?

Yeah.

Will you check today?

Yeah. Thank you.

Okay.

( sighs )

No. The problem is that Oakenwood thinks

that the mission of the NEA is to subsidize artists

in this country.

The mission of the NEA is to subsidize artists

in this country.

Oh, then that's the problem.

In fact, it's not to subsidize artists--

it's to subsidize art.

Go ahead and explain that distinction in Topeka.

Well, they're pretty bright in Topeka.

None of the artists you mentioned

ever received any direct money from the Endowment.

Why? Because the last time

the Republicans tried to lose the NEA--

not three times ago, but the last time--

we got rid of the individual grants.

And your friend Oakenwood found a back door

by giving money directly to the museums that put on...

Toby, do you like this stuff?

Tawny, you'd need the Budweiser Clydesdales

to drag my ass to Picasso and Monet.

I'm not the guy you want deciding this!

And you're not the guy I want deciding this!

And I don't know where you get the idea

that taxpayers shouldn't have to pay

for anything of which they disapprove.

Lots of them don't like tanks.

Even more don't like Congress.

( knock at door )

Hi.

Lisa Mulberry, 28,

specializes in placing genitalia

in anatomically incorrect...

( growling )

Excuse us.

Sure.

Look, we can't spend soft money on a primary ad anyway, so...

No,

he's passing the magic words test.

What magic words test?

U.S. Supreme Court,

Buckley v. Valeo, the Court created a loophole

by ruling that campaign finance laws

only apply to communications

that in express terms advocate the election

or defeat of a clearly identified candidate for federal office.

...he just paged me.

If you don't put "Vote Bartlet" in the ad,

you can pay for it with unmarked bills

from a bank heist if you want.

CONNIE: And we should know.

There's also Footnote 52

where the Court said campaign finance laws only apply

to communications with the terms "vote for," "elect," "support"

"cast your ballot for," "Smith for Congress," "vote against"

"defeat," "reject," and that's it.

I'm savant-like.

If it doesn't use

those specific words?

It is an issue ad.

You know what they say about money and politics?

No.

It's like water on pavement.

Why is it like water on pavement?

That's a good...

It finds every crack and crevice.

The standard ought to be

does the ad try to influence the outcome of the election?

If so, you can't use soft money, period.

Well, zippity-doo-da, Sam.

Excuse me?

That isn't what the standard is.

Now, I think we should run in the same election

as everybody else.

Toby?

I've got to go back in there.

When I come back, show me an ad without the magic words.

BABISH: Francis Pendleton.

ABBEY: Frank.

This was the case you settled? Yeah.

$58,000 payout from SVM Mutual.

Mm-hmm.

Why didn't that come out in the campaign?

There was a confidentiality clause.

No one would know that figure

unless they subpoenaed the Pendleton settlement papers.

They did.

You performed an atrioventricular canal repair on...

Is there a deal to be made?

Is there?

Oliver...

I raise my right hand,

they're halfway to where they want to be.

Is there a deal?

Can't say they're guaranteed to be interested.

But they might be. If they thought

putting you on the stand was too big a risk.

Why would it be a risk for them?

You know the story of the desperate man

who breaks into the pharmacy to get medicine for his wife?

A life is saved, a window's broken.

Right.

And I get to pay to have it fixed.

So they might be interested.

What would they what?

At best?

Start with at worst.

At worst?

Yeah.

Suspended jail sentence of three to five years.

All right, what's the one right above that?

ALBIE: The USS Glomar.

Top Secret debacle. Project Jennifer.

Glomar goes after Clementine, the sunken Russian Golf.

Six feet a minute, that's how fast we pulled her up.

Then all of a sudden-- blam!

Her claw breaks in two, the Golf dangles loose

one sub from another, steel ripping off,

everything we needed including its nuclear missile,

its transmitters, its code books,

everything, gone.

USS Gudgeon, 1957.

Eight Soviet ships caught her, kept her cornered for four days.

The oxygen depletion, migraines, fainting....

Couldn't cook, couldn't light a cigarette.

They smoke in subs?

They used to.

The Oklahoma, the Hornet, the Lexington, a CV-2...

the USS Wasp...

( thumping ) Wasp was

a CV-7 out in the Solomon Islands...

Oh, God, I'm sorry, am I still here?

You lost your boat in the wrong part of the world

there, Mr. President.

I haven't

lost the boat yet, Mr. Secretary,

and I happen to be the only one in the building,

who thinks we should be sending the Fast Attack subs right now.

And I'm an hour away from gathering the NSC

and calling Japan.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I say, you lost your boat

in the wrong part of the world, Mr. President.

Leo.

Albie.

It was a U.N. action

Mr. Secretary.

16 countries were involved in that police action,

Mr. Secretary.

33,000-34,000 American dead.

How come we're the only ones still fighting?

Where did everybody go?!

Well, Columbia's fighting a drug war.

Ethiopia's trying to feed itself.

Belgium and the Netherlands--

well, they've got cheese

and chocolate to make, I suppose.

( knock at door )

Sir? Yeah.

Josh.

Send him in.

Good afternoon, sir.

Hey, Josh.

Joshua. Good afternoon, Mr. Secretary.

Anything going on I should know about?

We're just catching up.

This can wait for another time.

No.

Give it to me now.

I want a distraction.

No, it's, it's all right, sir.

Give it to me.

It's campaign related.

That's okay.

Well, the majority leader got the question last night.

He tanked.

Yeah, and we're starting

to put together an answer for when you get it.

The question?

Why do you want to be President?

I don't.

Well, we'll...

put that in the hopper and show you a draft.

Good.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Leo?

55 minutes.

( clock ticking )

and progress around the world.

I'm running for reelection 'cause I want to make sure

that all our people can share in 21st century jobs.

C.J.: Jobs and industries

we can't even imagine today.

Bring the benefits of new medical advancements

to all our families.

And harness new technology and the Internet

as a force for faster economic growth.

Better education

and a freer exchange of ideas around the world.

Yes. There it is.

That's fine.

( blows raspberry )

Hmm.

You want to say something?

No.

I thought it was...

( blows raspberry )

It's got crisp, commanding phrases.

It's got active verbs like "harness."

It paints a picture of the future.

That's why somebody wants to become President?

Medical research and the Internet?

She's got a point.

Sometimes you get your face on a coin.

Okay...

this shouldn't be hard.

You guys should charge money for this.

Tawny, you should sell tickets and charge money

and call it "Journey Back to Germany"

where, in 1937, they held a show of degenerate art,

vilifying art they deemed sick.

Art that featured

insolent mockery of the divine.

Art that wasted the taxes of the German working people.

Well, how much do you think we could get?

Look...

I think it's in incredibly bad taste

to equate the U.S. Congress with the Nazis.

Me, too.

Toby...

In Europe and Japan,

they're spending between $1.5

and $3 billion on the arts.

Congress thinks $105 million is indulgent?

Yes.

There is a connection between the progress

of a society and progress in the arts.

The age of Peracles was also the age of Phidias.

The age of Lorenzo de Medici was also the age

of Leonardo da Vinci.

The age of Elizabeth was the age of Shakespeare.

Ain't none of these guys da Vinci or Shakespeare.

Says you.

Let's wait till November.

See how many voters agree with me.

National Parks?

National Park security.

Security?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

The parks are safe, Tawny.

We spend a lot of money on that.

They could be safer.

And the money for that could

come from someplace else.

Like where?

Like...

New taxes?

Yeah.

What do you want?

Get rid of Oakenwood.

We'll find the money someplace else.

Get rid of Oakenwood.

Yeah.

ABBEY: What if I agree

to a suspension of my license?

I agree to a suspension of my license

for the length of Jed's term.

If he serves a second term,

it includes those years, too.

All three states?

New Hampshire, Missouri and Arizona.

I pay a fine.

I pay a fine, and the violation is recorded

in the Practioners' Databank.

And I resign from all boards and organizations.

That gives them a clear win, right?

Yeah.

So what do you think?

You're not my client. Yes, but I'm saying...

It's not my job

to protect your medical license.

What do you think?

I think it's good. Yeah?

Any White House Counsel would think it was good.

Will you help me

convince the President?

No. Why?

Because it stinks.

You just said it was good.

It stinks. In a good way?

No. Oliver...

You broke some laws, Abbey, and quite frankly,

you should be ashamed of yourself

but this investigation isn't about that.

Look...

It's about the criminalization of politics.

An attempt to do in a hearing room

what they couldn't do at the ballot box.

I understand, but we don't have the luxury...

Abbey, stop eating fruits.

Stop eating vegetables.

It's doing something bad to you.

Fruits and vegetables will seduce you

like a woman with... Oliver!

Truth isn't a luxury.

You're going to go in there.

You're going to swear an oath.

You're going to get asked questions.

You're going to tell the truth.

It's the way you stand up and say, "Stop!"

You should be careful, Oliver.

You keep talking like a person,

they're going to kick you out of the bar.

I've been kicked out of bars before.

I meant... I know what you meant.

BRUNO: Instead of

"Jed Bartlet's fighting

to rebuild crumbling schools"

we'll make it "We're fighting

to rebuild crumbling schools."

And we've got a picture of the President on the screen.

BRUNO: Yeah, and we change

"Vote Bartlet for America" to, uh,

"Paid for by Democrats for America."

SAM: You've changed

five words. Magic words.

They're not magic. It's an illusion.

It's a scam.

Yeah.

Where are we? Bruno and Connie have managed

to fight their way out of the straitjacket

of our campaign finance laws.

BRUNO: It's an issue ad.

It's a candidate ad

with some words changed.

Magic words.

Connie.

I don't know of any other way to fight fire, Toby.

Why are you so bent

on countering these idiot leaflets?

'Cause I am tired of working for candidates

who make me think I should be embarrassed

to believe what I believe, Sam!

I'm tired of getting them elected!

We all need some therapy

because somebody came along

and said liberal means soft on crime

soft on drugs, soft on Communism,

soft on defense.

And we're going to tax you back to the Stone Age

because people shouldn't have to go to work

if they don't want to.

And instead of saying, "Well, excuse me,

"you right wing, reactionary,

"xenophobic, homophobic anti-education,

"anti-choice, pro-gun

Leave it to Beaver trip back to the '50s"

we cowered in the corner and said,

"Please don't hurt me."

No more.

I really don't care who's right, who's wrong.

We're both right.

We're both wrong.

Let's have two parties, huh?

What do you say?

( sighs )

I agree.

Toby...

So let's stick

to the spirit of the law.

The spirit of the law

means no soft money.

No, I'm saying let's do an issue ad.

An actual issue ad.

Let's do a bunch.

Health care.

Equal opportunity.

School construction. School construction.

Does anyone think that raising awareness

of crumbling schools won't help us?

There's actually a reasonable point here.

New polls see Republicans as better on education

with no basis for it.

And the ad could spark a debate on the issue, which would help.

And we take a parallel path on our free media.

Yeah.

CONNIE: "Across America our schools

"are crumbling.

"Holes in the walls

"kids packed into trailers like sardines in a can.

Half of America's schools are in disrepair."

And when schools fall down, so do test scores.

This isn't bad.

I like this.

Yes?

Why am I nervous?

It's not amoral.

( laughs )

Yeah.

Okay.

"Across America, schools are crumbling."

ALBIE: ...sweeping Wonsan Harbor near Sin-Do Island

turned to starboard, hit a mine--

bam-- sank!

The USS Gurke, the Saint Paul,

the Irwin, a DD-794,

Thank you.

...the John W. Morrison,

which took 150 rounds of 107 mm air bursts

from a shore battery at Hodo Pando, 1953.

The Manchester...

Okay.

I beg your pardon?

It's time.

You've still got ten minutes by my watch, Mr. President.

Yeah. We're going now.

What happens, you contact Pac Fleet?

And Pac Fleet contacts Ballast.

In San Diego, right? Yes, sir.

We've got a C-141 Starlifter

at North Island.

It'll transport the DSRVs.

Tell me what they do.

They submerge and approach Whiskey-3

and dock with it. Whiskey-3?

It's Portland's code name, sir.

Once they're secure, the rescue team will

blow out the docking collar, and the survivors will exit

through the forward escape trunk in groups of 24.

How many trips will it take?

Six trips to off-load them all.

What about injured?

There'll be a medical team, but any seriously injured

will be MedEvacked to Tokyo.

Ten-hut.

Let's go get 'em. Time's up.

Sir. What?

We have Whiskey-3-Charlie on sat high com.

What does that mean?

We have the Portland on satellite.

What does that mean?

We have them.

COMMAND: Whiskey-3-Charlie,

this is Pac Fleet.

Report your whiskey, over.

PORTLAND: Pac Fleet,

Whiskey-3-Charlie,

whiskey is 36.6 degrees north by 110 west.

Went deep and quiet to avoid close aboard contact

with LUDA-class destroyer.

Mechanical situation's at full-op.

Whiskey-3-Charlie, this is Pac Fleet.

Roger all, happy hunting.

( clears throat )

All right.

Okay.

There they are.

See, they went deep and quiet to avoid a close aboard

with a LUDA-class destroyer.

What you got to do in these situations is,

you trust the captain, you trust the crew.

Yes, sir.

Hey.

Good afternoon, sir.

It got filed?

Yes, sir.

It got filed.

Yes, sir.

So I'm on the ballot in New Hampshire.

Yeah.

Okay.

When Romans ran for the office of Consul...

Did I just see you roll your eyes?

No, sir. They wore whitened togas

to show their intent.

A bit silly, perhaps.

Perhaps.

But it was an act of personal commission.

Mr. President.

What?

I know how much you like to think of yourself

as a man of the people-- Roman references and all--

but you're the only person

who can launch our nuclear weapons.

You travel in a fully-secured perimeter.

You rescue submarines.

Maybe it's time for it to be okay

that an aide delivers a piece of paper.

You're pretty mouthy today.

C.J.'s waiting inside, sir.

Hey.

Good afternoon, Mr. President.

Hey...

do you duck when you're getting on Marine One?

No, sir.

Okay.

Should I?

I think the blades are high enough.

The majority leader got the question last night.

I heard.

He went to the zoo.

Yeah. Listen,

I want you to go easy on him.

He's a conscientious and dedicated guy.

It's not an easy question.

Can you answer it?

Why do I want to be President?

Yeah.

( sighs )

I've been thinking about it

for the last couple of hours.

I almost had it.

( sighs )