Original subtitles

Previously on The West Wing:

Leo, hard as you might try

the Republican Party isn't going anywhere.

We don't know that for sure, sir.

They could all end up moving to Vancouver.

I don't think so.

Me neither, but being in power means

everybody else can take a seat for four years.

You have post-traumatic stress disorder.

Well, that doesn't really sound like something they let you have

if you work for the President.

This president was elected with 48% of the vote, Toby.

Yes, but he was elected.

Without a mandate.

The majority of people in the country voted

for somebody else.

DONNA: We don't need

some kind of permission for this?

JOSH: No.

DONNA: What about supervision?

Shouldn't there be some official supervision?

We're making a fire in a fireplace.

What kind of supervision do you want?

FEMA, the American Red Cross...

SAM: What kind of wood is this?

Josh... I don't know.

It's freezing in here.

I acknowledge that it's cold.

It's like Ice Station Zebra.

It also might bother someone.

It's half past midnight.

See, here's the thing.

Yeah? This looks like spruce to me...

...and spruce is soft wood.

Soft wood burns out quickly.

You know what we need for a slow-burning fire?

That's right. A hard wood?

That's interesting.

Where did you get the wood?

It was sitting in the... thing.

I think that is meant to be decorative.

It's wood. We're not burning Benjamin Harrison's log cabin.

What? You know what?

Why? We might be.

It was made out of spruce.

Where's C.J.?

She's over in the Roosevelt Room.

Yeah. Is she doing the seating chart?

Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works.

He needs to be seated somewhere near the center.

Yeah. Would you tell her that?

You're not using lighter fluid or anything, are you?

No, no flammable liquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.

What? ! Found it.

Kerosene.

Josh.

Go.

C.J.: Speaker...

House Majority, House Minority...

Senate Majority, Senate Minority...

Whip, Whip, Deputy, Deputy...

Right. Yes.

Then... What?

Yes. The Committee Chairs.

Ways & Means here.

Finance goes here, House Appropriations goes here.

Senate Appropriations goes here, House Budget.

Excellent. Senate Budget.

Which brings us to...

That's right. White House Staff.

So we've got the Chief of Staff.

Next to him the Deputy Chief of Staff.

On the other side of Leo will be the Congressional Liaison

and then the Political Liaison.

Next to them will be the Communications Director

and the Deputy Communications Director.

What about Staff aides?

The aides will stand around the wall.

We're set. So we're done.

Yes.

C.J.

Don't give me a thing.

Josh says Jancowitz has to sit closer to the center.

Why? He doesn't hear well.

He can't sit closer to the center.

His hearing aid malfunctions.

Who cares? It's a breakfast

to trumpet a new spirit of bipartisan cooperation

and understanding in the new year.

No one's going to be listening to each other anyway.

I'm just a messenger, but I think he's saying we don't snub Jancowitz...

Yeah. 'Cause of the thing.

All right, we're going to have to move somebody.

Would you ask him if it's better to dis

Yeah. the House Whip or the Senate Whip?

You want to stand them in a tripod, right?

Yeah, standing three sticks on end

and slanting them to a common center.

Yeah, but... Isn't that a tripod?

You just thought you'd say more words?

Yeah.

Josh.

Hang on.

You know what we need?

Dried leaves.

We need dried leaves.

To move Jancowitz, we got to move either the House or the Senate Whip.

DONNA: Why? ( in unison ): House.

'Cause life is tough in the big, cruel world

and if he doesn't like it, he can kiss me.

Yeah. So the spirit of bipartisanship begins?

Could you possibly get us some dried leaves?

Yeah, I'll just run out to the forest and be right back.

You know what?

You think she's being sarcastic?

Yeah, I don't think she's getting the leaves.

You know what we could use?

Newspaper.

See, this is what I'm talking about.

It really is. This is teamwork.

House. Yes. House?

So, we'll move the House Whip to the left of Sam.

We'll move Jancowitz across from Leo

and we're set, right?

CAROL: Yes.

C.J.: Larry, Ed, we're set?

Either one of you?

Yeah. Yes.

Thank you.

You see, you guys thought

it was going to take a long time.

It only ended up taking 71/////2 hours.

Somebody working on the heat?

Seating arrangement's set.

That took some time.

It was hard.

Yeah, you got to find the magic marker.

Toby, when people are sitting with the President

there's excruciating protocol involved.

What? Uh-oh.

Missed one.

Who?

Take a look.

I'm looking...

It'll happen.

Okay, guys, you know what we did?

We forgot the President.

There it is.

Does anybody smell smoke?

Oh, God...

( coughs )

I think this might be because the wood is wet.

Well, the fire

You'd think. ought to dry it pretty quick, shouldn't it?

What did you do?

It's going pretty good now.

There's smoke in the hallways.

What the hell's going on?

The wood's drying out.

Are you burning a dining room table?

Spruce is a slow-drying wood.

No. Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

Hang on.

Are those instructions?

It says that this fireplace

was a favorite of President Andrew Johnson

and he would sip whiskey from a charcoal keg

while reading by its light.

That doesn't help.

The flue's been welded shut since 1896.

What are you doing? Well, that's probably it then.

Somebody started a fire in this fireplace, Charlie.

If the smoke alarms go off, they're going to make me wake the President.

The President's a thousand yards over and two flights up.

It's Secret Service procedure.

Well, let's get a fire extinguisher

and put it out before the smoke alar...

( smoke alarm blaring )

What?

Mr. President, you know how you told me

not to wake you up unless the building was on fire?

TOBY: These are the rules.

They're the guidelines.

Yes. The meeting will last 90 minutes

The guidelines. and the rules...

We can't talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights?

We can talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights.

We just can't talk about dropping the provision

that would allow for litigation.

Why not?

'Cause that's not what the breakfast is for.

What's it for?

To symbolize the spirit of cooperation

as the new sessions begins and to eat pancakes.

So with regard to the Patient'' Bill of Rights

we'll just be debating the things we agree on.

Yeah.

And raising the minimum wage?

We won't be talking about that at all.

No, we shouldn't, 'cause there's a chance

it could lead to something.

We can't talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights?

We can talk about it. We just can't talk

about dropping the no litigation clause.

Leo, what's the point of having rights

if you can't sue for them in court?

That's a fine argument.

But we won't be making it.

Not at this breakfast.

And the minimum wage?

Not so much.

I see we won't be talking about the 993 tax cut.

We won't be, but we've agreed

to call it tax relief instead of a tax cut.

Yeah. We're calling it tax relief?

No. But we won't be talking about it.

Leo, the Patients' Bill of Rights...

Which we'll be referring to

as the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.

What's the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act?

It's the Patients' Bill of Rights

but the CARA was introduced in 1999.

It's fundamentally the same thing

and the Republicans have agreed

to discuss changing the name back.

In exchange for calling tax breaks tax relief.

I'm in a musical. Or income enhancement.

Getting it renamed for the old bill is a hell

of a concession. Leo, I'm going to check in with you for a second, okay?

Sure.

Yeah. Sick people? Who aren't getting proper medical care?

Right. Yes. Because they can't afford it?

Probably don't care

that we've agreed to change the name of the bill.

We've agreed to discuss changing the...

Security briefing. What's after that?

Agriculture. After that?

Who was the idiot who set off the smoke alarm last night?

Well, it sounds a lot like

you're talking about Sam, Mr. President.

Were you inconvenienced, sir?

They had me on the Truman balcony

for six minutes in my underwear.

Was it cold?

In January? No. Why do you ask?

Mr. President, I'd like to talk

about those rules in that memo you're reading.

It's a breakfast, Toby. It's a pancake breakfast.

There's nothing in that memo that's important.

We're having Vermont maple syrup?

Mr. President, if you read item four

you'll see that time at this breakfast will be spent

discussing calling the Patients' Bill of Rights

the Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act.

I don't give a damn

if they call it the Monroe Doctrine.

What the hell are we doing serving Vermont maple syrup?

On the minimum wage

if we all turn our attention to item five

of the Rules of Bipartisan Breakfast...

They're guidelines. You keep calling them rules.

Margaret, what does it say at the top of the memo?

"Rules for Bipartisan Breakfast."

I keep meaning to fire you.

New Hampshire syrup is what we serve in this White House.

TOBY: Sir...

It's a breakfast. We eat, we pose for pictures.

You do a post-game conference.

Everybody gets the hell out of here

Anything else? and I don't have to be Officer Krupke.

An OMB efficiency expert has said we can free up much-needed office space

by moving the press room across the street.

What else?

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you.

Josh.

Yeah.

You feeling all right?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah.

No. You don't mind me asking?

'Cause I'm going to ask you once a day, okay?

Okay, but you just asked me four times in the last ten seconds.

I want you to go to Ben and Sally's for dinner tonight.

Are you going?

No.

Was I invited?

No.

Are Ben and Sally asking for me?

No, they'd rather you didn't come, but they'll do me a favor

and I need you to do me one, too.

What's at Ben and Sally's?

Karen Cahill.

And what stupid-ass Irish thing

did you say to Karen Cahill

that you now need me to apologize for

at Ben and Sally's like a little girl?

Let me tell you

what was surprising about that moment just then.

I said that only 12 hours after you were very cool

about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire.

I made a joke about her shoes.

I'm sorry?

I made a remark about her shoes.

You're the second most powerful man in the country.

And she writes a column for the New York Times

and who knows what kind of special relationship

women have with their shoes?

What could you possibly have said...?

It doesn't matter.

It was perfectly benign

to anyone who doesn't take shoes that seriously.

Just tell her I love her and that I'm sorry

and I'll take her shoe shopping.

Why don't you tell her?

If someone else tells her

it seems like I was thoughtful enough to mention it.

If I tell her, it just makes me seem feminine.

You don't think the shoe shopping's going to take care of that?

Let's call the insurance company

and see how much water damage was done in the Mural Room.

You don't need to wave a stick, Leo.

I am totally there for you.

Thank you.

Fine. Can I get Sam to do it?

Anything else? No.

This isn't about

what they say in the meeting.

It's about what they say after the meeting.

So let's decide what they're going to say.

It'll be simple enough.

Like what?

We appreciate the President's invitation

and welcome him to the cause of bipartisanship.

C.J.... And I'll end the press conference.

You're going to welcome him to the cause of bipartisanship?

What's the problem?

I think C.J.'s objecting

to the implication that we got there first.

Yes.

How about, "We all agree on a need for a renewed spirit of bipartisanship"?

Yes. The meeting was positive?

Yes. Friendly, frank and productive?

And we're certain our goals can be met

under the President's leadership.

No way.

What's the problem?

I think what my aide is objecting to is the implication

it's the President's leadership under which our goals will be met.

The meeting was positive, friendly, frank and productive.

With a spicy bouquet that suggests a fine Merlot.

The press will be at the northwest entrance.

Assuming we're done at 10:30

the Majority Leader will speak and take questions

the Minority Leader, then CJ will answer questions

20 minutes later in the briefing room.

If all goes well, we should be back...

I've got to stop you. Why in the briefing room?

That's where I brief.

The Majority Leader's briefing first and outside.

You're doing it last, in back of a podium

and in front of a blue curtain

with a big picture of the White House.

And the Majority Leader will be doing it in front of the actual White House.

No, he'll be doing it on the Capitol steps.

Traditionally, these are done in front of the White House.

Traditionally

the person in my job has cared what's traditional.

The President's not going to want to end

a bipartisan breakfast

with the Republicans speaking from one place

and the Democrats...

And the Majority Leader's not going to stand

at a cardboard podium in your front yard

while you stand in the White House Press Briefing Room

and with good reason.

Which is?

I don't think they're on equal footing.

Yes. My boss and your boss?

I don't think they are, either.

C.J....

Ann, the Majority Leader's going to brief outside.

If the Majority Leader wants to skip breakfast

there'll be more pancakes for the rest of us

and my press room can write about why.

Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.

You need me?

Can I borrow

her for a moment?

We'll wait.

These rules are crap.

The guidelines?

We're working with C.J. right now.

I could care less who says what in what order.

I'm talking about what we say when we sit down.

You've got concerns?

Yes, I do. Name one.

The President prefers maple syrup from New Hampshire.

( chuckles ) I'm not kidding.

Then we better meet on this.

Breakfast tomorrow?

What should I wear?

I don't give a damn.

I've heard different.

CAROL: 9:45--

so we got that straight. Where were we?

You were giving me and my staff an ultimatum.

DONNA: Sam?

Did you know there's a swimming pool

underneath the press briefing room?

I didn't.

There's a swimming pool underneath there

and I'll tell you what else.

According to the OMB efficiency auditor

there are more people working in the west wing

of the White House than at any point in history.

You want to free up office space by kicking out the press corps.

Yeah. And putting in a swimming pool?

I realize that there are some flaws in my logic. Yeah.

Leo needs a favor. What?

He needs you to go to dinner at Ben and Sally's

and apologize to Karen Cahill for making fun of her shoes.

I didn't make fun of her shoes. He did.

I don't have any problem with her shoes. Leo did.

What was his problem with her shoes?

Doesn't matter. Just do what you usually do.

Here's the thing. What?

I don't do well with Karen. Why?

I get nervous. What happens?

I become unimpressive.

In what way?

In many ways.

You don't fall down, do you? When?

With Karen. Once.

You'll be fine. You think?

You'll be impressive. I never have been before

but that's no reason to think I'm not going to do it.

Right. You know why?

It doesn't really matter.

Perseverance-- you get right back on the horse.

I am going to sit there, and she's going to go home saying

"That Sam Seaborn is impressive. I'm going to say nice things about him."

Reach for the stars, Sam.

I will. Good.

Yeah.

I'm going to have breakfast with Ann Stark tomorrow.

Leave it alone.

I think we should be able to discuss...

Toby. It's a brand-new year.

So let's not faff around.

It's breakfast.

I know it's breakfast.

We're not going to come up with solutions

in 90 minutes

but we have the principals in a room with no cameras.

The leaders of the land.

( chuckling )

And not to talk about

how we're going to approach the minimum wage

the Patients' Bill of Rights

tax relief and education in the legislative session that's about to begin

is a criminally negligent and cowardly refusal

to do what we were... all sent here to do.

This is what my ex-wife and I did for years.

We had these rules.

We could talk about anything

but why we couldn't live with each other.

I could have been two years younger right now.

There was a freshman Democrat

who came to Congress 50 years ago.

He turned to a senior Democrat and said

"Where are the Republicans?

I want to meet the enemy."

The senior Democrat said

"The Republicans aren't the enemy.

"They're the opposition.

The Senate's the enemy."

Those days are over.

Toby, in this climate...

This climate is exactly when...

Toby... Real debate

is what bipartisanship should look like.

This woman's had this job two weeks.

I don't like dealing with people who are trying to impress me.

I know her a little.

Have breakfast with her.

Thank you.

Toby?

Yeah.

Jenny and I wouldn't talk about it, either.

You know why?

Why?

Because we loved each other...

and it was awful...

and we knew it was never going to change.

Ever.

I want them to talk about the minimum wage

and I want them to talk about the Patients' Bill of Rights.

I believe you might be talking

about the Comprehensive Access

and Responsibility Act there, Toby.

Uh, yeah.

I brought you a present.

What is it?

Guess.

Really? Sure.

Why?

( laughs )

I would think it'd be fun.

You don't think it'd be a colossal waste of time?

You've lost your sense of humor.

It's a bottle of New Hampshire maple syrup.

It's a can of New Hampshire maple syrup

and you just ruined what I think could've been a nice moment.

Ann... You know, tax breaks

are tax relief now

and we're changing South Carolina to Italy.

The minimum wage.

You cannot muster up the behavior to say thank you?

For the syrup? Yeah.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And congratulations.

( laughs softly )

Thank you.

You are now the Chief of Staff

to the most powerful Republican in the country.

Obviously a great deal of confidence

has been placed in you...

Where's my present?

For being promoted?

Yeah.

Uh, I don't have one.

Give me my syrup back.

MAN: Are you ready to order?

He's going to need syrup.

I have syrup here

but he doesn't have any.

Scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and coffee, please.

Carol, did the President say

that the stats were even more staggering

right here in Washington, D.C.?

Yeah.

Would you remind me to clarify that?

Why?

He was in Louisville, Kentucky, when he said it.

Hey.

Hey.

You got my note?

About moving the press room to the OEOB? I did.

And? Don't let anyone ever know that you wrote it

and don't ever mention it again under any circumstances.

Moving the press room? See what you did?

C.J.... You mentioned it.

Look, if... You did it again.

No, I didn't. You were about to.

Just the OEOB, just across the street.

We're not getting a swimming pool, Sam.

I know we're not getting a swimming pool

but we can get much-needed office space

and we can put a little physical distance

between the press and the President

and we can put them just across the street

in a state-of-the-art facility.

By state-of-the-art, you mean...?

A room with electricity.

The press doesn't want physical distance from the President

and the American people would prefer the President

didn't have physical distance from the press.

C.J....

We can't exile the press.

But the room I'm talking about

is 100 yards from where we're standing.

It sends a signal

we're trying to hide things from them.

We are trying to hide things from them

but we won't be any better at it if they're across the street.

No.

I'll get more information for you.

I don't need more information.

So that you can ruminate. I don't need to ruminate.

How'd it go? Excellent. Josh.

What do you need? Hang on a second.

Did the monthly DNC go out yet?

It's going out now.

Is there time to tack on a question?

Yeah. Donna, get me the polling center

at Global Strategies Group.

DONNA: Yeah.

What's the question?

C.J. thinks if we move the press out of the west wing

the American people will object.

She's crazy.

So I want to show her numbers.

DONNA: Mike at Global Strategies.

I want to tack on a question, okay?

"Would you object...?" "Would you have...?"

"Yes or no-- would you have an objection if...?"

What should the question be?

"If the White House moved the press corps

to Trenton, New Jersey, would you give a flying...?"

"Would you object to the White House moving the press room

out of the west wing and into a facility across the street?"

Read it back.

How'd it go?

It went great.

JOSH: Thank you.

I had to talk to Karen Cahill last night.

Did you fall down at all?

I did not.

In fact, we were talking about the stability

of former Soviet republics and their fear of Islamic extremism

and I have to say that I made

some very scholarly points

regarding the remaining nuclear weapons

in Kyrgyzstan, and I...

Kazakhstan.

Hmm?

The nuclear weapons are in Kazakhstan.

I said Kyrgyzstan?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, Kyrgyzstan has no nuclear weapons.

No.

Kazakhstan's a country

four times the size of Texas

and has a sizable number of former Russian missile silos.

Yeah.

Kyrgyzstan's on the side of a hill near China

and has mostly nomads and sheep.

I'm sure you got it right last night.

Yes.

I'm sure.

Okay.

STARK: It's a photo-op, Toby.

Let them talk about the Redskins and their kids.

And why not talk about the minimum wage?

Because you'll say you want it raised two dollars

in 50-cent increments over two years

and we'll say three years.

Ann, do you know what a full-time worker

employed at $5.15 an hour

makes in a year?

$10,712.

Which is $2,600 below the poverty line.

Why have a minimum wage?

Now you're talking.

Ann, I...

You really think raising the minimum wage

is going to put a dent in the poverty rate?

I'm saying it could at least keep up with inflation.

In the last 30 years

the purchasing power of the minimum wage has gone down 30%

while you know how much the stock market has gone up?

115%.

Toby, small businesses will fold or produce less

because they can't afford to pay a federally mandated wage.

The unemployed will in turn face higher prices

while receiving no wage.

Fine, so let's talk about it at breakfast.

No. Why?

'Cause 20 senators will call me

and say, "What the hell are you doing

starting the ball rolling without us?"

No, they will call and say

"What the hell are you doing rolling the ball at all?"

You're going to sandbag the thing in committee.

You've shown us your whole hand.

You're playing a game

and not that well.

I just got here.

Your predecessor didn't play it well.

Maybe that's why they gave me her job.

Ann, we're not going to get screwed around on the wage hike.

No?

We have the votes, and you know it.

Well, having the votes doesn't matter that much

if the leader decides there isn't going to be a vote.

There is going to be a vote, straight up or down

and if there isn't, we'll offer the wage hike

as an amendment on everything that moves.

Say that again?

You heard me the first time.

Do you not remember that I am the same person

who bought you a can of syrup?

Ann...

Toby

what have I done

to make you think I'm scared of you?

The Patients' Bill of Rights.

We can talk about it?

We can spend 15 minutes on dropping the litigation shield.

In exchange for what?

Some flowers wouldn't be out of line.

In exchange for what?

The spirit of bipartisanship.

In exchange for what?

I want the press conference at the Hill.

Our guys are tired of looking

like the President's stupid cousin.

That's all?

Yeah.

You want the press conference on the Hill?

Yeah.

Done.

C.J. Cregg says no.

C.J. works for me.

Thank you for breakfast.

You're welcome.

Charlie!

Yes, sir.

Who's the next meeting?

Kim Woo of Singapore.

You want the cheat sheet?

I don't need a cheat sheet.

Kim Woo.

He won a bronze medal for fencing

he's a Buddhist, and he enjoys European history.

You see, Charles, even though it's a handshake

I'm able to make him feel like a friend

and that's a little thing they call people skills.

Kim Woo's a woman, sir.

The man's an Olympic athlete, Charlie.

I wouldn't say that to his face.

Sir. What else?

Sam wanted me to show you some remarks he jotted down

for your toast

at the breakfast tomorrow.

"Ladies and gentlemen..."

That's funny.

Yeah, that's funny.

She's a woman?

Yes, sir.

Did you mark that down? Yes, sir.

"We spend so much time demonizing the other side

"treating our opponents as if they were threatening strangers

"with whom we share nothing in common

that we've lost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths."

Did you know it's bad luck to toast with water?

I didn't.

Yeah, you don't want to make a toast with water.

Should we go, sir?

It's from Greek mythology, I'm almost sure.

You lose your spirit.

To what?

Hmm?

To what do you lose your spirit?

That's a good question, Charlie, and I could tell you

but I think it's better if you look it up on your own.

I'll hit the library

as soon as I get off work tonight at 1:00 a.m.

"...that we've lost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths.

There is a lot more that unites Americans than divides them."

That's good.

"There's a lot more that unites Americans than divides them."

Remind me to tell Sam that's good.

Yes, sir.

And remind me not to toast with water.

Yes, sir.

Ah, let's go.

I said the wrong one. Maybe not.

I'm fairly certain. You had a 50-50 chance.

It was Karen Cahill.

If there was a 99 in 100 chance of saying the right one

I said the wrong one.

Why do you guys get worked into a lather

over Karen Cahill?

She's a very influential woman.

You're a very influential man.

She's a columnist. She gets the last word.

You talk to lots of columnists.

She has some kind of special powers.

You think? Yeah.

Maybe you didn't get it wrong. I got it wrong.

Maybe there really are remaining nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan.

There are barely pots and pans in Kyrgyzstan.

You think New York Times is going to make fun of you?

I do. You've got to be used to that by now, right?

Yeah. Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to do something?

You're going to talk to her. I don't even know her.

You've met her. We've been introduced.

You said you felt the two of you made a connection. That's true.

Here's what you're going to do.

I connect with people. Yes.

I'm a people person. That's great.

You're going to the South Street exhibit tonight?

How did you know? You told me. She's going, too.

How do you know? She told me.

So there's quite a bit of reconnaissance work that went into this.

Yes. You're going to go up to her, "Hi, I'm Donna Moss.

"I don't know if you remember me.

I'm Josh Lyman's assistant."

You just had to come up to her

'cause you knew she'd get a kick out of this.

"Sam Seaborn is being so cute.

"He was talking to you

"and he thinks he may have said 'Kyrgyzstan'

when he obviously meant 'Kazakhstan.'"

"Sam Seaborn's being so cute"?

It'd kill you? No.

Thank you.

( knocking )

Yeah?

Yeah.

Listen, I just had breakfast with Ann Stark.

Minimum wage?

No.

It's for the best. Why?

'Cause there'll be a fight.

Yes. Toby...

There should be a fight.

We disagree on something important and immediate.

Which means there should be a compromise.

Which isn't going to happen by posing for a picture.

It isn't going to happen eating pancakes, either, Toby

so let them tell dirty jokes

for 90 minutes, shake hands, and start the year.

Not when it's the taxpayers' pancakes.

The taxpayers will be happy to know that the Democrats

are trying to tighten their belts where they can.

They're willing to put a provision

of the Patients' Bill up for discussion.

Well, that's a little something you can all disagree on.

15 minutes.

You can do a lot of shouting in 15 minutes.

In exchange, she wants the press conference on the Hill.

Now, she wants the whole thing on the Hill?

Yeah, listen...

I said no yesterday to the split conference.

What makes her think

I'm going to put the whole thing on the...?

'Cause I'm asking you to.

What?!

That's what they get in exchange for...

You kidding me?

Look... Toby, are you kidding me?

Who cares where the...?

First of all...

I don't even know where to start!

C.J., who...? But first of all, if they say anything that needs a response

I need 20 minutes with staff.

I can't stand around there

and huddle in front of the White House

and Congressional Press Corps.

There's not going to be a surprise.

You've already decided what you're going to say

which is not much of anything at all.

We don't speak for the President on the steps of the Capitol.

We don't need to be offered their microphone.

It makes us look like less than what we are.

In fact, it makes us look small.

We're calling tax breaks "tax reliefs"

refusing to discuss raising the salary

of those living in poverty, arguing the seating arrangement

and you think that that's what's going to make us look small?

Toby... We're talking about the no-litigation clause

for 15 minutes.

I don't care if the damn press conference

is outside the Rotary Club!

It shouldn't be me, then.

It should be Henry.

Fine.

It should be a deputy.

I'll tell Ann it's not going to be you.

I think this is a bad idea.

I think the first visual we get

is that Congress is the seat of power

and the President is irrelevant.

Not only that

but you just took my legs out from under me with Ann.

Are you ordering me to move it to the Hill?

I don't like doing that.

You're going to have to.

Do it.

( camera shutters clicking )

C.J.: It's about to start.

C.J. Hey, Steve, you should be up on the Hill.

I'm going to watch it on TV.

I wanted to ask you

are you guys thinking about moving the press room

across the street?

No.

I heard you were discussing it. From who?

Chris. It's starting.

She seemed pretty sure you were discussing it.

Why? She got called by a pollster

who asked her how she felt...

She got called by a pollster? Yeah.

She herself got called?

CAROL: It's starting. Anyway, uh...

Let me get into it.

Thanks.

Good morning.

We're joined today with, uh, Congressman Dade

Congressman Shallick

Senator Hammond and Senator Ford.

Unfortunately, the Majority Leader has a sore throat

and is unable to join us here.

He's gone back to his office.

We've just concluded a very frank and productive meeting...

When did he get a sore throat?

I-I don't...

She took the Majority Leader off the board.

...what we all feel is an important moment

of bipartisanship as we face the coming legislative session.

We thought we'd answer questions for a few moments this morning.

Yes?

Was the Patients' Bill of Rights discussed?

The Comprehensive Access and Responsibility Act...

Yes, it was discussed

though I hesitate to comment on...

She took him off the board.

...it was agreed that...

Was it a balance thing?

No. She didn't want balance, she wanted power.

Why'd she take her boss off the board?

We discussed the litigation clause

but again, I don't want to get into the specifics of...

We're about to get hit.

WOMAN: What about the minimum wage hike?

The wage hike was not discussed.

Well, are you considering a two-dollar increase

over two years?

Well, we want the same thing, but over three years.

Certainly, the Leader's position...

Call on Simon.

...but we didn't discuss it. Craig?

Call on Simon.

Is it fair to say it's the Majority Leader

who's holding this up and not the majority?

Well, I don't think it's fair to say either.

Uh, yeah? In the back. Simon.

Congressman, I'm quoting a senior White House aide

who says they have the votes.

The aide said that unless they get

a straight up or down vote from the Leader--

and this is the quote-- "We're going to attach it

as an amendment to everything that moves."

THOMAS: Could you say that again to me, please?

This senior aide said...

Yeah. Listen, I don't want to comment on this.

I think I'd like to get back to the breakfast meeting

and then for...

But, uh... I'm sorry.

My friend from Michigan is far too polite to comment on this.

I am not burdened with any such sense of etiquette.

This is disgraceful

and I think the record should show

that a spitball contest

was begun behind our backs, through the press

and before the 107th Congress was even gaveled into session.

You want some quotes?

( phone rings )

Open your notepads.

It's Toby.

It is sadly not atypical

of this White House to make a public show...

I'm the senior aide.

No kidding. Get me Henry.

We came here in an honest effort to find common ground...

Henry.

...so we could make...

I've got Henry. What do you want?

...on the myriad of challenges that are facing us

in the legislative session.

If the White House insists on saying one thing to our face

and another to us through the media

if the White House insists on ambushing us

with ultimatums in the press...

What do you want me to do, Toby?

...please deliver this message to the White House:

Don't let him take the podium.

...minimum wage will be...

You'll take questions in the briefing room in 20 minutes.

...there will be no up or down vote in...

Henry, get home.

Thank you.

( slams phone down )

WOMAN: Congressman, one last question!

Hey, what the hell happened?

That was me.

( sighing ): I gave Ann Stark the quote, and she fed it to a reporter.

Why'd you give her the quote?

It wasn't a quote when I gave it to her.

What the hell was it?

I was letting her know that we had the votes...

She knows we have the votes. I wasn't...

She was just promoted to Chief of Staff

for the Senate Majority Leader.

You don't think she knows we have the votes?

( sighing ): I misunderstood my relationship with Ann Stark.

Yes, you did.

And now it looks like we went to the press

and went for his knees.

Excuse me, but Toby's not the one who gave it to the press.

You think the Majority Leader's going to believe that?

No.

It was a breakfast!

It was a damn photo opportunity.

The year is one week old

the legislative session hasn't begun

and we can't put a forkful of waffles in our mouth

without coughing up the ball.

You got beat.

Yes.

I have press in ten minutes.

Figure it out.

Tell me what you're going to do.

( Toby clears throat )

JOSH: We can take the high road

and say we don't want it to disintegrate into a war of words.

We don't want to disrupt the fragile peace.

The fragile peace has been disrupted.

We've been accused of ambushing the Majority Leader

in the press.

Also, Labor's going to want to know

we stand by the minimum wage.

Why don't we pass it off to Labor?

Have the Labor Secretary make a statement:

"We support the two dollar minimum wage."

JOSH: Yeah. Let's emphasize how close we are on this.

"We support the two dollar minimum wage hike spread over two years.

"The Republicans want it over three years.

We're close to an agreement."

Sounds like we're close to agreeing on 30 months

which we're not, and no one's going to want

to cover a statement from the Labor Secretary

which is good, 'cause if they did

it'd look like we're ducking.

No, I don't think... She's right.

We can't be passive

and the high road doesn't go where we need it to.

( all sighing )

Be cool, be funny, smack them down hard.

SAM: The Majority Leader

is tragically out of touch with the needs of real people.

And why wasn't he at the podium? A sore throat?

We know how tough that can be.

Thank goodness he had health insurance. There it is.

That's the sound bite.

And that's the new story.

Toby?

Do it.

Carol, I need voting stats on health care.

Five minutes.

JOSH: How's this for a phrase?

"You can lay down in front of the train

or you can get on board."

That's a really bad phrase.

Is it better if it's

"You can get on board the train

or you can lay down in front of it"?

No. It's really bad either way.

Josh, this was delivered by messenger.

What is it?

It's... wait, wait...

No. Damn, my X-ray vision is failing me today.

Give me that.

How did it go? Last night?

Did you talk to her?

Yes, I did, and I explained

that you might have said "Kyrgyzstan"

when of course you meant "Kazakhstan."

Did you say how it was cute the way I worried about it?

I did. Did it turn out I got it wrong?

She said she wasn't really listening

while you were talking. Okay...

I, on the hand

had a most stimulating conversation with her.

It was pithy, it was erudite, and most of all

it required no next-day-follow-up explanation.

JOSH: Donna?

What was in the envelope? Your underwear.

What?

I'm holding your underwear

in my hand right now.

And the way I know it's your underwear

is that your name is sewn in the back

which obviously

we'll spend some time

talking about at a later date.

How did you get my underwear?

Donna, did you by any chance

wear the same pair of pants two days in a row this week?

No.

Donna?

Yes.

Okay, when you got dressed

on day two

did you check the pant leg

for the previous day's underwear?

I don't need to check the pant leg... Donna...

( sighs )

They fell out of my pants?

It would appear that way.

Where?

The South Street exhibit.

Where?

On the floor in front of Karen Cahill.

Please tell me she's not the one...

She sent a note.

( gasps )

C.J.: Fred and Ethel, would you follow me, please?

She's talking about us.

( grunts )

C.J.: Did a question get tacked onto the monthly DNC tracking poll

about moving the press room?

Yes, it did.

Because I at least wanted to shoot down the argument

that the public...

The public get their news from the press

and the press gets their news...

It's a private poll. The press doesn't have access to it.

So they don't know what questions we're asking?

Yeah. Are you sure?

The only way they'd know what questions were being asked

is if they were actually called by one of the pollsters

and... oh, my God. Yes.

A reporter got called by one of the pollsters?

Yes, indeed, yes.

Wow. What are the chances of that?

The chances of that are astronomical.

Guys...

We can calculate it. They sample 800 respondents...

Would the two of you stop being amazed by the mathematics?

All right, I'd pass it off.

Just say some poor schnook in the management office

got the idea and wanted to kick it around.

Sam...

It's going to be me, right?

Okay. Yeah.

You ready? Yeah.

You had a lot of opportunities today

to say "I told you so" and score some points with Leo.

You're a class act.

Why were you holding women's underwear before?

Never really needed a reason.

Eat them up.

REPORTERS: C.J.! C.J.! C.J.!

NEWSCASTER: White House Press Secretary C.J. Cregg characterized

the Republican response as bizarre.

C.J.: There was no intent to "ambush" the Republican party

with an issue that's been on the table for over a year.

ANNOUNCER: Ann Stark, recently installed Chief of Staff

in the Majority Leader's office

said that she was surprised by the White House information.

And shocked.

Shocked, I say, to discover

that there's gambling going on in this establishment.

Maybe if you'd gotten me a gift of some kind.

You think this is funny?

You used to have a sense of humor, Toby.

Nah, you never had a sense of humor, Toby.

Ann...

I think you'll have to start getting next to the idea

that your party isn't in the majority.

My party's in the White House.

A building to which the Constitution

does not endow sovereign power.

You think I'm going to sit around

while you reduce the President to Prime Minister?

Stand or sit, we're in the majority

and things are going to have to look it.

And by the way, don't ever walk into my office

without an appointment.

You'd think this could wait until an election year.

When is it not an election year?

Because ten years ago

we used to be able to sit down

we'd order a couple of bourbons, we'd talk about health care

we'd talk

about the minimum wage.

( chuckles softly )

He didn't have a sore throat.

No.

You kept him off the board so he could come back on and fix it.

Yeah.

When are you going to announce?

Announce what?

That he's running for President?

I'm pretty sure we just did.

Good morning.

I'm going to read a short statement

in response to the rather bizarre take

on what was an otherwise unremarkable...

I think the whole damn thing is bizarre.

Mr. President, I don't know if this is the right moment.

Right moment for what?

Donna Moss needs a favor.

While talking last night to Karen Cahill

she accidentally dropped her underwear.

She feels there's a chance

that Karen Cahill may have misinterpreted that

and Donna asked me to ask you if you would call Karen Cahill

and make it clear she wasn't making a sexual advance.

Well, I'm not sure

there is a right moment to ask me that, Charlie.

So I should tell her no?

Yeah.

Good evening, Mr. President.

Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill

and make it clear she wasn't hitting on her

when she gave her her underwear.

Yeah, that's 'cause I made fun of her shoes

and then Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan

and Donna went to clear up the mix-up

and accidentally left her underwear.

There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan.

Mr. President, please don't wade

hip deep into this story.

Sir? Okay. Yeah?

Toby.

I'm going to bed.

If anybody thinks of new ways for us to make friends

don't hesitate to wake me.

Or, you know, just feel free to start a fire.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Good night.

Toby.

He didn't want to see me?

He'll be all right in the morning.

Yeah.

You're the Communications Director. It was a TV show.

It was a blunder from top to bottom.

You should know

that it could have been avoided at several points along the way

if I'd listened to C.J.

Or me.

Yeah.

Alexander Hamilton didn't think

we should have political parties.

Neither did John Adams.

They thought political parties led to divisiveness.

They do.

They should.

We have honest disagreements. Arguments are good.

Only if they lead to statesmanship.

Or it's just theater.

And statesmanship is compromise.

What about persuasion?

They're coming for us, Leo.

I know.

I mean they're coming for us now.

Toby, if you knew what it was like

getting him to run the first time...

I know.

Like pushing molasses up a sandy hill.

If I go and tell him it's time to run again

he's going to get crazy...

and frustrated.

He's going to sink into his head

and he's going to say he's not running.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we've got to do it for him.

We'll keep it away from this office

but we've got

to get real now.

Leo, Ann Stark's a wartime consigliere.

That's why she was bumped up.

I'm a wartime consigliere, too, Toby.

Yeah.

I was just hoping it'd be peacetime a little longer.

Yeah.

Son of a bitch.

Yeah.

Shake my hand.

We just formed it.

Formed what?

The Committee to Reelect the President.