Original subtitles

JUDGE MENDOZA, I'M NAMING YOU AS MY NOMINEE

TO BE THE NEXT ASSOCIATE JUSTICE

OF THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT.

MY NAME IS SAM SEABORN

AND I'M THE DEPUTY COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR.

JOSH LYMAN, DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF.

I'M JOSIAH BARTLET. I'M CHARLES YOUNG.

BUT YOU PREFER CHARLIE, RIGHT?

I SHOULD CALL YOU ZOEY?

IF I CAN CALL YOU CHARLIE.

WE'VE MET TEN OR 12 TIMES.

I'M LEO McGARRY,

WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE BUTLER.

LEO McGARRY IS WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF.

I'M YOUR HOST, C.J. LET'S PLAY OUR GAME.

I'M TOBY ZIEGLER. FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

YEAH.

GOOD EVENING.

WELCOME TO THE THIRD INSTALLMENT

OF THIS YEAR'S MARJORIE DU PONT LECTURE SERIES.

I SEE BY THE SIZE OF THE TURNOUT

YOU'RE EXCITED TO MEET TONIGHT'S GUEST...

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

He was arrested.

FOR WHAT?

DRUNK DRIVING, RESISTING ARREST

AND, I THINK, DISORDERLY CONDUCT.

YOU THINK?

THIS THING'S

ABOUT 30 MINUTES OLD, JOSH.

WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

MENDOZA DOESN'T DRINK.

HE WAS ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING.

ROBERTO MENDOZA DOESN'T DRINK, JOSH.

HOW MUCH DOES THE PRESS KNOW?

They don't know anything.

THE COPS HAVEN'T LEAKED IT?

I SWEAR TO GOD, I DON'T THINK THE COPS KNOW.

THEY DON'T KNOW THEY ARRESTED ROBERTO MENDOZA?

THEY DON'T KNOW IT'S THAT ROBERTO MENDOZA.

I've got this... this thingnow.

I GOT A CAB.

THE WHITE HOUSE.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

STAY AHEAD OF THE PACE, SAM, AND HAVE TOBY PAGE ME.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS GUY'S CALLED A LAWYER.

IS HE SITTING IN A JAIL CELL RIGHT NOW?

YOU'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE, ARE YOU?

I'M TALKING TO NO ONE AT ALL RIGHT NOW.

HE CAME DOWN TO THE BELTWAY

WHERE HE WORKED AS FLOOR MANAGER FOR THE HOUSE MINORITY WHIP

AND CHIEF OF STAFF FOR CONGRESSMAN EARL BRENNAN.

AFTER SERVING

AS SENIOR POLITICAL DIRECTOR

FOR JED BARTLET'S PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN

HE WAS APPOINTED DEPUTY WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF.

PLEASE WELCOME

JOSHUA LYMAN. JOSH.

( applause )

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THANKS, DAVID. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HAVE A SEAT.

ALL RIGHT.

JUST SLIP THAT MIKE ON.

JOSH, YOU'RE HERE TO TELL US WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO WORK FOR THE PRESIDENT.

I'LL DO MY BEST.

WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK, C.J.

WAS THE PRESIDENT'S NOMINEE

FOR THE SUPREME COURT JUST ARRESTED? YES.

THEN IT'S PRETTY BAD, ISN'T IT? SURE.

I THOUGHT HE DOESN'T DRINK.

HE DOESN'T DRINK.

HE WAS TONIGHT.

C.J., WE VETTED THE MAN.

I'M NOT SAYING HE'S NOT A HEAVY DRINKER.

I'M SAYING HE DOESN'T DRINK.

THEN WHAT WAS HE PULLED OVER FOR?

DRIVING WHILE BEING HISPANIC.

DOES TOBY KNOW?

I STEPPED OFF THE EDGE OF THE WORLD.

YES. WHERE'D THIS HAPPEN?

WESLEY, CONNECTICUT.

WHY'D HE REFUSE THE BREATHALYZER?

BECAUSE HE'S A CRAZY MAN

WHO'S OUT TO RUIN MY LIFE.

TOBY, THAT'S WHAT HE'S OUT TO DO.

HAS ANYONE POSTED BAIL?

NO. WHY NOT?

THEY CAN'T FIND A JUDGE. WHY NOT?

IT'S NOT COOK COUNTY, TOBY.

IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT IN WESLEY, CONNECTICUT.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THIS, C.J.

I WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY TO BLAME THIS ON YOU.

I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.

HAVE SOMEONE FIND HIS LAWYER AND TALK TO HIM.

SAM, THERE'S AN AIR FORCE LEAR JET WITH ITS MOTOR RUNNING.

FLY TO WESTCHESTER COUNTY AIRPORT, RENT A CAR

DRIVE TO WESLEY AND GET THE NEXT ASSOCIATE JUSTICE

OF THE SUPREME COURT OUT OF JAIL. C.J.!

SAM SEES ONE REPORTER WHEN HE GETS OFF THAT PLANE

I'M GOING TO BLAME YOU.

TOBY'S GOT YOU COVERED THERE.

I'M GOING WITH SAM.

TOBY.

THE JUDGE AND I ARE GOING

TO HAVE AN ABRUPT CONVERSATION.

I WANT MY PHONE TO RING ONCE

EVERY 15 MINUTES.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

ABOUT A TYPICAL DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

WELL, THE FIRST THING I'LL TELL YOU IS--

THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

THERE'S A SCHEDULE

AND THERE'S A STRUCTURE, TO BE SURE, AND...

TO A CERTAIN EXTENT IT STARTS OUT

AS A NINE-TO-FIVE JOB, BUT YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH

COUNT ON IT BEING BLOWN TO HELL BY 9:30.

GIVE US AN EXAMPLE.

I-I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE FROM THIS WEEK.

IN FACT, THE STORY I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU

ALL HAPPENED WITHIN THE LAST 36 HOURS.

ANYONE WHO'S BEEN READING THE PAPERS

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS

HAS PROBABLY BEEN FOLLOWING ALONG

WITH WHAT WE CALL THE NEWS CYCLE THAT WOULDN'T END.

DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT

IT STARTED EITHER WITH A CABINET SECRETARY LOSING HER TEMPER

A COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN BAITING HER DURING A HEARING

THE PRESIDENT ANSWERING A QUESTION HE SHOULDN'T HAVE

A DENTIST APPOINTMENT, OR ME, BEING STUPID.

FOR THE RECORD, I'D LIKE TO SAY

THAT I DON'T THINK IT WAS AS MUCH MY FAULT

AS OTHER PEOPLE DO.

( laughter )

ONE THING'S FOR SURE.

IT STARTED OUT AS A DAY

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO TRUMPET THE PRESIDENT'S VISION

FOR EDUCATIONAL REFORM.

Sam: GIVE ME THE BULLET POINTS.

I UNDERSTAND THIS, SAM. EXCELLENT.

I REALLY DO. I HAVE COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

THANK YOU.

GIVE HIM THE BULLET POINTS.

I FEEL BATHED IN YOUR CONFIDENCE

AS WELL, TOBY. C.J.

FORGIVE STUDENT LOANS TO PEOPLE WHO BECOME TEACHERS

AND SPEND AT LEAST THREE YEARS

TEACHING IN A RURAL OR INNER CITY SCHOOL

GIVE CASH BONUSES TO PEOPLE

WHO LEAVE OTHER CAREERS TO BECOME TEACHERS

AND PROVIDE FEDERAL MONEY

FOR GRANTS TO INDIVIDUAL SCHOOL DISTRICTS

TO USE OLDER, MORE EXPERIENCED TEACHERS

TO TRAIN YOUNGER, LESS EXPERIENCED TEACHERS.

HALF OF ALL NEW TEACHERS QUIT IN THE FIRST THREE YEARS.

IT'S RIGHT HERE ON MY INDEX CARD, TOBY.

VERY GOOD, THEN.

TOBY.

YEAH.

GOT A MINUTE?

THANK YOU BOTH.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT TIME IS YOUR BRIEFING?

11:00.

YOU SHOULD PUSH IT

TO 1:00.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

DO IT AFTER THE BILL SIGNING

AND LET THIS BE THE STORY.

LET'S CONTROL THE NEWS CYCLE.

CAROL, MOVE THE BRIEFING TO 1:00.

YOU CAN'T. WHY NOT?

YOU HAVE THE THING.

THIS IS A PERFECT EXCUSE

TO POSTPONE THE THING.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

YOU HAVE A THING?

I HAVE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT AT NOON.

WHAT'S WRONG? NOTHING'S WRONG.

I'M EXPERIENCING SOME PAIN.

FOR HOW LONG?

ABOUT A MONTH NOW, BUT IT'LL GO AWAY BY ITSELF.

WHEN?

WHEN I DIE, SAM.

CAROL, CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT.

CAROL, SET THE BRIEFING FOR 2:00.

KEEP THE APPOINTMENT.

SAM.

YOUR TEETH ARE THE BEST FRIENDS YOU GOT, C.J.

THEY ARE? TAKE CARE OF THEM, THEY'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

WHEN DID YOU START TALKING LIKE THIS?

I'M NUTS FOR DENTAL HYGIENE.

GO AWAY. NOW.

OKAY.

SHE CALLED HIM A RACIST.

SHE DIDN'T USE THAT WORD.

WHAT WORD DID SHE USE?

WELL, YES, SHE USED THAT WORD.

BONNIE, GINGER.

YES.

I WANT ANYTHING THAT MIGHT BE ON THE WIRE ALREADY

ABOUT THE HUD SECRETARY CALLING JACK WOODEN A RACIST.

YOU WANT IT NOW?

NO, BONNIE, I WANT IT

AT WHATEVER LEISURELY PACE YOU TWO FEEL...

I'M JUST ASKING.

I WANT IT NOW.

ON C-SPAN, SHE CALLED HIM A RACIST.

NO, NO, NO, NOT JUST WOODEN.

SHE WAS PRETTY CAREFUL TO INCLUDE ALL REPUBLICANS.

WHY ARE YOU GOOD-HUMORED ABOUT THIS?

SHE WAS BAITED.

I DON'T CARE.

SHE WAS BAITED AND SHE WAS RIGHT.

GOOD FOR HER.

EXCUSE ME, JOSH, DID YOU KNOW

DEBORAH O'LEARY CALLED...

IS THAT A WIRE STORY?

WHAT'S IT SAY?

"WOODEN'S LENGTHY RECITATION OF PROBLEMS

"CONFRONTING PUBLIC HOUSING DREW AN ANGRY RESPONSE

FROM SECRETARY O'LEARY"

AND HERE IS WHAT SHE SAID.

"PUBLIC HOUSING HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS, MR. CHAIRMAN.

"I DON'T DENY THAT, BUT IF YOU

AND YOUR COLLEAGUES IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY..."

( moaning ) "WERE AS INVESTED

"IN SOLVING THE PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH POVERTY

"AS YOU ARE IN SCORING POLITICAL POINTS

"ON THE BACKS OF THE POOR PEOPLE AND MINORITIES

YOU MIGHT JUST SEE THE VALUE."

"'ARE YOU CALLING ME A RACIST?' WOODEN SHOT BACK."

"OF COURSE NOT," SHE ANSWERED WISELY.

"'IF THE SHOE FITS," RESPONDED THE SECRETARY.'"

WELL. WASN'T THAT CLEVER OF HER?

DONALD MORALES

WHO IS THE SPOKESMAN

FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT

AND WHO WAS WISHING HE HADN'T GOTTEN OUT OF BED THAT MORNING

( audience chuckles )

CONFIRMS WHAT HAPPENED.

NOW, THERE'S THE MATTER OF TELLING THE PRESIDENT.

"IF THE SHOE FITS"?!

IT'S A LITTLE BIT WORSE, ACTUALLY.

"WHEN REPORTERS CONFRONTED SECRETARY O'LEARY

"IN THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE HEARING ROOM

SHE DEFEN..." OH, COME ON.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

LEO. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

IS SHE ON HER WAY HERE?

SHE'LL BE HERE IN A HALF AN HOUR.

MR. PRESIDENT?

YEAH.

LET'S GO.

"IF THE SHOE FITS."

IS THAT THE BEST SHE COULD DO?

OF HER MANY TRANSGRESSIONS

MR. PRESIDENT, LET'S NOT WORRY

ABOUT SHE RESORTED TO CLICHE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

THE PRESIDENT SPOKE BRIEFLY.

THE PRESIDENT HAS NEVER SPOKEN BRIEFLY IN HIS LIFE, BUT...

( audience laughing )

HE SPOKE, HE SIGNED THE BILL, HE GAVE AWAY THE PENS.

THEN HE TOOK A FEW QUESTIONS FROM THE PRESS.

NOW, BEFORE I GO ON, IT SHOULD BE POINTED OUT

THAT ACCORDING TO EVERY POLL CONDUCTED IN THE UNIVERSE

THE ISSUE THAT CONCERNS AMERICANS

MORE THAN ANY OTHER IS EDUCATION.

NOW, THE PRESIDENT HAD JUST SIGNED OFF

ON $700 MILLION IN NEW MONEY FOR EDUCATION

AND ANNOUNCED A PLAN

OF AGGRESSIVE EDUCATION INITIATIVES.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THE FIRST QUESTION FROM THE PRESS WAS?

MR. PRESIDENT

DO YOU AGREE WITH SECRETARY O'LEARY

THAT CONGRESSMAN WOODEN IS A RACIST?

AND IF NOT, DO YOU PLAN ON ASKING FOR HER RESIGNATION?

LET ME SAY THAT I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE IN DEBORAH O'LEARY.

SHE'S DONE A TERRIFIC JOB AT HUD

HELPING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE

MAKE THE VERY DIFFICULT TRANSITION

FROM JOBLESSNESS AND HOMELESSNESS

TO MORE FULFILLING AND PRODUCTIVE LIVES.

I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION.

I WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE THAT, DANNY.

I DID, SIR.

THEN I WILL TELL YOU THAT I AGREE

THAT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY DOES NOT HAVE A COMPREHENSIVE PROGRAM

FOR COMBATING POVERTY IN THIS COUNTRY.

THAT BEING SAID, THERE ARE COUNTLESS REPUBLICANS

WHO ARE WORKING VERY HARD TO CHANGE

THEIR PARTY'S LEGACY ON SOME OF THESE ISSUES

AND I HOPE TO BE WORKING WITH THEM TO DO JUST THAT.

I'M SURE THAT WAS AN ANSWER TO SOME QUESTION, MR. PRESIDENT.

IT JUST WASN'T THE ANSWER TO MINE.

IF ONLY WE'D STOPPED IT RIGHT THERE.

IF ONLY WE'D SAID, "SORRY, THE PRESIDENT

CAN'T TAKE ANY QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW"

OR, UH, "WE'LL COVER THIS IN THE BRIEFING"

OR "THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE"

( laughter )

BUT FOR SOME REASON, IT TOOK US ALL A MOMENT TO REALIZE

THAT THERE WAS NO PRESS SECRETARY IN THE ROOM.

FRANKLY, I THINK SHE WENT TOO FAR IN ASSIGNING MOTIVE

TO CONGRESSMAN WOODEN AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

WILL YOU BE SPEAKING TO HER?

SHE'LL BE MEETING WITH LEO McGARRY.

WILL HE ASK HER TO APOLOGIZE?

AN APOLOGY'D BE APPROPRIATE.

OH, LEO.

SAM. ( coughs )

FOLKS, ALL THIS IS GOING TO BE COVERED

IN THE 2:00 BRIEFING.

THE PRESIDENT'S LATE FOR LUNCH

WITH THE U.N. AMBASSADOR. I'M SORRY.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

MR. PRESIDENT.

ONE MORE QUESTION.

THAT WENT PRETTY WELL.

SAM.

YEAH.

THE U.N. AMBASSADOR IS IN PORTUGAL.

OKAY.

MY BAD.

EIGHT WORDS.

"THE PRESIDENT'S NOT TAKING ANY QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW."

IF WE'D JUST STEPPED IN 30 SECONDS SOONER.

( beeping )

IT'S ME.

I'M SORRY. I, UH...

THERE'S A THING.

I HAVE, I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS NOW.

THIS'LL JUST, UH, TAKE A SECOND.

UH... THIS IS WEIRD, I KNOW, BUT, UH, ANYWAY...

UH, YEAH.

Yeah, it's me.

ARE YOU THERE YET?

Toby: WE'RE LOST.

You're lost?

Sam: WE'RE NOT LOST.

Toby: YOU'RE FROM CONNECTICUT.

WHAT EXIT DO WE WANT FOR WESLEY?

What?

WE MISSED THE EXIT.

WE DIDN'T MISS THE EXIT.

TOBY, I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE.

Just tell me.

You bet, buddy. Call me when you know something.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

CAN YOU TELL US WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT?

THE TRADE DEFICIT.

WHERE WAS I?

IF YOU'D ONLY

GOTTEN THERE 30 SECONDS SOONER.

THE DAY WOULD HAVE GONE A LOT DIFFERENTLY.

THE PRESIDENT HAD SAID

THAT SECRETARY O'LEARY SHOULD APOLOGIZE.

THE PRESS WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE WOULD BE FIRED IF SHE DIDN'T

AND WE DIDN'T HAVE AN ANSWER.

SHE WAS COMING UP TO THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A SHOWDOWN.

THIS IS WHAT THE DAY WAS ABOUT NOW

AND THE DAY WAS ABOUT TO GET WORSE

BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO STEP TO THE PLATE.

WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING EAST.

WE'RE GOING EAST.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WE'RE GOING EAST?

THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST.

IT'S DARK OUTSIDE.

ALSO, THAT BRIGHT STAR IN THE NORTHERN SKY IS POLARIS.

SO WHAT?

I'M USING CELESTIAL NAVIGATION.

HEY, GALILEO, GET OFF AT THE NEXT EXIT

AND TURN THE CAR AROUND.

Josh: SECRETARY O'LEARY WAS TOLD

THAT LEO McGARRY WANTED TO SEE HER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

THERE WAS NO QUESTION THAT SHE WAS GOING TO BE ANGRY

ABOUT THE PRESIDENT PUBLICLY ASKING HER TO APOLOGIZE

BUT AT THE MOMENT, THAT WAS LEO'S PROBLEM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT, LEO.

HOW COULD HE YOU'RE PISSED AT US?

PUBLICLY DEMAND THAT I APOLOGIZE

WITHOUT HEARING MY SIDE OF THE STORY FIRST?

WE BLEW THE PRECEDENT. WE'LL COP TO THAT

BUT I'VE GOT VIDEOTAPE OF YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY.

THE MAN'S A RACIST.

MAYBE SO. "MAYBE"?

HE'S USING HIS OVERSIGHT AUTHORITY TO SPIT

AT POOR PEOPLE AND MINORITIES

WHICH, IN HIS MIND, ARE THE SAME THING.

LOOK!

HE'S DOING IT BECAUSE HE CAN.

HE'S DOING IT BECAUSE HE CAN SCORE POINTS

WITH HIS NARROW-MINDED CONSTITUENTS.

HIS NARROW-MINDED CONSTITUENTS

ARE ALSO OURNARROW-MINDED CONSTITUENTS.

OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

WHEN ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO STOP

RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?!

WHEN ANGELS STAND ON PINHEADS, DEBBIE.

WE NEED THEIR VOTES ON ANY NUMBER OF ISSUES

INCLUDING, BY THE WAY, THE BUDGET

FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT.

ATTACKING HUD IS CODE FOR ATTACKING BLACKS.

THANKS-- HAVING BEEN BORN YESTERDAY ON A TURNIP TRUCK.

DO YOU NOT THINK

IT IS MY ROLE AS THE HIGHEST-RANKING AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN

IN GOVERNMENT TO POINT OUT...?

I THINK, DEBBIE, YOUR ROLE, FIRST AND FOREMOST

IS TO SERVE THE PRESIDENT--

A TASK TODAY AT WHICH YOU FAILED SPECTACULARLY.

LEO...

YOU GOT TO APOLOGIZE.

I'M SORRY.

NOT TO ME, DEBBIE.

LOOK, I CALLED IT LIKE I SAW IT.

WELL, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

I CAN'T.

YOU CAN.

I WON'T.

YOU WILL.

IS THAT AN ORDER?

YOU'RE DOING GREAT WORK, DEB.

THE PRESIDENT'S NUTS ABOUT YOU;

ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

HE'LL CRY FOR THREE MINUTES AFTER HE FIRES YOUR ASS

AND THEN HE'LL SAY, "WHAT'S NEXT?"

LEO, IF I'VE GOT TO GO AND ASK WOODEN FOR FORGIVENESS

HE'S GOING TO LORD IT OVER ME

FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

IT'S THE COST OF DOING BUSINESS.

DONE.

DEB, HE'S BEEN TRYING TO PROVOKE YOU FOR MONTHS.

WHEN YOU GIVE IN TO HIM, YOU SURRENDER THE HIGH GROUND.

HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

YOU FORGOT WHAT YOUR GRANDFATHER TAUGHT YOU.

WHAT WAS THAT?

"NEVER ARGUE WITH A DRUNK OR A FOOL."

IS THE PRESIDENT VERY ANGRY WITH ME?

MOSTLY HE'S UPSET THAT YOU COULDN'T COME UP

WITH ANYTHING BETTER THAN "IF THE SHOE FITS."

GOOD LUCK.

THANK YOU.

Josh: SO, THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IT, RIGHT?

C.J. CREGG DOES THE 2:00 BRIEFING.

TELLS THEM SECRETARY O'LEARY HAS

AN APOLOGY FOR CONGRESSMAN WOODEN

ALL QUESTIONS ON THE MATTER WILL BE HANDLED

BY HER SPOKESPERSON, DONALD MORALES

AND REDIRECTS THEIR ATTENTION

TO THE 700 MILLION BUCKS OF YOURS

THAT WE JUST SPENT ON TEACHERS.

WHO HERE HAS HAD EMERGENCY ROOT CANAL?

Josh: YEAH?

( muffled ): JOSH.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

I HAD ROOT CANAL.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CHEEKS?

I HAD ROOT CANAL.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?

I HAD ROOT CANAL!

YEAH, I HEARD YOU

THE FIRST TIME. I WAS JUST AMUSING MYSELF.

I CAN SUGGEST OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOURSELF.

ARE YOU IN PAIN?

I HAD ROOT CANAL!

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO STOP SAYING THAT

'CAUSE YOU JUST LOOK AND SOUND SO RIDICULOUS.

I HAVE TO CANCEL THE BRIEFING.

YOU CAN'T CANCEL THE BRIEFING.

LOOK AT ME!

YOU'LL BE GREAT.

I CAN'T DO THE BRIEFING.

WHY NOT?

I CAN'T EVEN SAY "BRIEFING."

YOU CAN'T CANCEL.

YOU GOT TO WRAP UP O'LEARY AND MOVE HIM BACK

TO THE BILL SIGNING. JOSHUA!

I'M SORRY. DID YOU JUST SAY MY NAME?

YOU REALLY THINK I CAN DO IT?

DON'T BE INSANE, C.J.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO A BRIEFING

LOOKING LIKE BULLWINKLE.

OH, SO, ONCE AGAIN

YOU WERE JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

YEAH. HA-HA-HA-HA.

WHEN CAN YOU TAKE THE COTTON OUT?

TWO HOURS.

I'LL HAVE CAROL CANCEL THE BRIEFING.

NO, WE'RE STILL DOING IT.

ME. WHO?

NO WAY.

C.J.... YOU GET HOSTILE.

I "GET HOT STUFF"?

HOSTILE. HOSTILE. YOU GET HOSTILE!

DON'T GET HOSTILE.

I DON'T GET RANDOMLY HOSTILE.

I GET HOSTILE WHEN HOSTILITY IS CALLED FOR.

WHAT'S SAM DOING?

SAM WENT TO FOGGY BOTTOM.

WHAT'S HE DOING IN FOGGY BOTTOM?

I'M SORRY. I JUST WANTED TO SEE

IF I COULD MAKE YOU SAY "FOGGY BOTTOM."

SAM'S WORKING WITH THE SPEECH WRITERS.

TOBY? TOBY'S WITH LEO AND THE PRESIDENT.

JOSH...

HEY, THERE, CATS AND KITTENS

THIS IS JOSH LYMAN COMING AT YOU

WITH THE 2:00 BRIEFING.

JOSH, PLEASE, BE VERY CAREFUL.

TRY VERY, VERY HARD NOT TO DESTROY US.

YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT, C.J.

YOU GOT A GREAT BODY.

HERE WE GO. WHOO!

Woman: PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.

WE'LL START THE BRIEFING.

PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.

JOSH. HEY, DANNY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS.

DO THE BRIEFING?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS.

I TALK TO REPORTERS ALL THE TIME.

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MI COMPADRE.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN CODDLED.

I'M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I'M NOT YOUR CAMP COUNSELOR

AND I'M NOT YOUR SIXTH-GRADE TEACHER

YOU HAD A CRUSH ON.

I'M A GRADUATE OF HARVARD AND YALE

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY POWERS OF DEBATE

CAN RISE TO MEET THE SOCRATIC WONDER

THAT IS THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS.

OKEY-DOKEY.

Josh: Good afternoon, everybody.

Would you take your seats?

C.J. had a dental emergency

so I'll handle the briefing today.

I'D LIKE TO SAY A COUPLE THINGS IN MY OWN DEFENSE.

FIRST OF ALL, EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

I DISPENSED OF THE DEBORAH O'LEARY MATTER

WITH EASE AND POISE.

I OPENED THE ROOM UP TO QUESTIONS

WHILE IMPOSING A DISCIPLINE

I FELT HAD BEEN LACKING IN C.J.'s BRIEFINGS.

I'M GOING TO TAKE ONE QUESTION APIECE.

JOSH. MIKE.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

THE PRESIDENT HAD A CIGARETTE?

MIKE, YOU SURE YOU WANT YOUR ONE QUESTION TO BE THAT STUPID?

Woman: It's not a stupid question, Josh.

OH, MY GOD.

If the President's going to continue

to be so adamantly anti-tobacco, why is it unreasonable to ask

IF HE'S A SMOKER?

THE PRESIDENT QUIT SMOKING YEARS AGO.

HE BUMMED A CIGARETTE FROM ME

ON AIR FORCE ONE TWO DAYS AGO.

OH, MY GOD.

WELL, THEN, UH...

JONATHAN?

SO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ANSWER KATIE'S QUESTION?

I'LL LOOK INTO IT.

DANNY?

JOSH, ECONOMISTS WORRY THAT

A CONTINUING DROP IN UNEMPLOYMENT WILL CREATE

INCREASED PRESSURE ON WAGES, IN EFFECT, DRIVING THEM UP.

IS THE PRESIDENT WORRIED THAT THIS COULD LEAD

TO A RESURGENCE OF INFLATION?

LET ME EMPHASIZE THE PRESIDENT IS PLEASED

THAT UNEMPLOYMENT HAS DROPPED ANOTHER .5% AS A RESULT...

I'M SURE WE ALL JOIN THE PRESIDENT IN HIS JOY

BUT I'M WONDERING IF THE PRESIDENT HAS A PLAN

TO FIGHT THE RESULTING INFLATION.

THE PRESIDENT WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAINTAIN

THE ROBUST ECONOMY THAT HAS CREATED MILLIONS OF NEW JOBS

IMPROVED PRODUCTIVITY AND KEPT A LID ON INFLATION.

BUT HE HAS NO PLAN

TO ADDRESS INFLATION SPECIFICALLY?

24 Ph.Ds ON THE COUNCIL OF ECONOMIC ADVISORS, KATIE.

THEY HAVE A PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION.

IS THE REASON YOU WON'T TELL US ABOUT IT THAT IT'S A SECRET?

YEAH, DANNY, WE HAVE A SECRET INFLATION PLAN.

Reporters: Josh! Josh!

OH, MY GOD.

Josh: I GUESS THAT'S PRETTY MUCH

WHEN THE WHEELS CAME OFF THE WAGON.

JOSH, RIGHT HERE'S A GOOD TIME TO TAKE OUR BREAK.

EVERYBODY, LET'S STRETCH OUR LEGS FOR FIVE MINUTES.

SIGN-UP SHEETS FOR 202 ARE IN THE LOBBY.

IF YOU SMOKE, APPARENTLY, YOU CAN BUM A CIGARETTE

ON AIR FORCE ONE.

LET'S HAVE A HAND FOR OUR GUEST, JOSHUA LYMAN.

YOU'RE GREAT.

THANKS.

( phone rings )

YEAH?

What's going on?

SAM FEELS WE'RE ZEROING IN ON IT.

YOU HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET?

We've been navigating

BY THE NORTH STAR, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE

THE DELTA SHUTTLE FROM LA GUARDIA.

IT'S A MIRACLE WE'RE NOT IN NANTUCKET RIGHT NOW.

TOBY, HOW HARD CAN IT BE

TO FIND THE WESLEY POLICE STATION?

I DON'T KNOW, JOSH

BUT WHILE WE'RE LOOKING, CAN YOU TELL ME MORE

ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION?

HOW LONG BEFORE YOU LET UP ON ME ON THAT?

Oh, it's going to take a little while, I would think.

CALL ME WHEN YOU KNOW SOMETHING.

THERE'S A STORE OPEN UP THERE.

I'M GOING TO PULL OVER

AND ASK IF THEY KNOW WHERE

THE POLICE STATION IS.

OR YOU CAN JUST PULL IN THERE

AT THE POLICE WESLEY POLICE STATION AND ASK THEM.

HEY! LOOK!

YEAH, YEAH.

WE FOUND IT.

LET'S GET THIS DONE AND GET OUT OF HERE.

MY NAME IS SAM SEABORN.

I WORK FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

IS YOUR WATCH COMMANDER AROUND?

IS THIS A JOKE?

NO.

YOU WALK IN HERE, YOU TELL ME YOU WORK FOR THE PRESIDENT?

OFFICER PETER, WE'RE IN A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TROUBLE TONIGHT

AND THE ONLY THING I'VE GOT GOING FOR ME

IS THAT YOU'RE IN MORE TROUBLE THAN WE ARE.

MY NAME IS SAM SEABORN; I WORK FOR THE PRESIDENT.

AND THE SOONER YOU REACH THE CONCLUSION

THAT I'M TELLING YOU TRUTH

THE BETTER OFF WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET YOUR WATCH COMMANDER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF WE HAD STAYED ON THE MERRIT PARKWAY

INSTEAD OF GETTING OFF ON EXIT 29

AND GOING EAST TO GREENWICH

I DON'T THINK WE'D WIND UP IN BRIDGEPORT SO MANY TIMES.

SHUT UP.

I'M SERGEANT McNAMARA. CAN I HELP YOU FOLKS?

SERGEANT, I'M SAM SEABORN

THE DEPUTY WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR.

THAT'S MY BOSS, TOBY ZIEGLER.

I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR A JOKE RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

YOU HAVE ROBERTO MENDOZA LOCKED UP BACK THERE.

SIR, PLEASE STATE YOUR BUSINESS HERE

OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

MY BUSINESS IS TO TELL YOU

TO UNLOCK THE CELL AND GIVE ME MENDOZA.

SERGEANT... YOU COME IN HERE, 10:00 AT NIGHT

YOU TELL ME YOU'RE WITH THE WHITE HOUSE

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST...

SERGEANT.

SERGEANT, YOU'VE ARRESTED A FEDERAL JUDGE

WHO'S THE PRESIDENT'S NOMINEE FOR THE U.S. SUPREME COURT.

( phone ringing )

YOU SHOULD GET THAT.

THAT'S GOING TO BE THE GOVERNOR OF CONNECTICUT.

DANNY CONCANON HAD THROWN ME A KNUCKLEBALL IN THE DIRT

WHICH THEN I HAD TAKEN A BIG SWING AT

AND, JUST LIKE THAT, THE PRESIDENT HAD A SECRET PLAN

TO FIGHT INFLATION.

JOSH? JOSH? JOSH?

WHEN WILL THE PRESIDENT UNVEIL HIS SECRET PLAN?

THERE IS NO SECRET PLAN.

I WAS TALKING TO DANNY; I WAS KIDDING.

THESE ARE PEOPLE'S JOBS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, JOSH.

YOU WANT TO GIVE US A STRAIGHT ANSWER?

I-I HONESTLY CAN'T REMEMBER THE QUESTION.

Reporter: Given the reduction in unemployment

does the President have a plan to fight

THE ENSUING INFLATION?

AND IF SO, WHY IS HE KEEPING IT A SECRET?

OH, MY GOD, JOSH!

I MEAN, OH, MY GOD.

I CAN FIX THIS. HOW?

I CAN FIX THIS. I DON'T THINK YOU CAN.

THIS WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO FEEL

A LITTLE SUPPORT FROM YOU, DONNA.

YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT, JOSH.

DO I? YES.

GOOD. THAT'S A START.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW.

COME UP WITH A SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION.

THAT'S SUPPORT?!

JOSHUA!

YEAH, THAT'S THE FACE I WANTED TO SEE RIGHT NOW.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?!

C.J...

( muffled ): YOU COMPLETELY IMPWODED!

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU COMPLETELY IMPLODED.

I WOULDN'T SAY COMPLETELY.

YOU WERE VAGUE. YOU WERE HOSTILE.

YOU WERE BEWIGERENT.

Donna: BELLIGERENT.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S GOING

TO TAKE FOR ME TO FIX THIS?

I'M GOING TO FIX THIS. NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU ARE NOT EVER ALLOWED IN MY PRESSWOOM AGAIN.

DONNA, CALL TOBY'S OFFICE AND SEE IF HE WAS WATCHING.

Toby: WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! NEVER MIND.

SUPPORT ME ON THIS.

NO. THANKS.

HAVE YOU FALLEN ON YOUR HEAD? TOBY... LISTEN--

HAVE YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING HARD?

I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THIS.

YOU DO? YES.

OH. WELL, THEN I GUESS THAT'S ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.

THAT WAS SOME VERY GOOD TELEVISION, JOSH

AND I THINK FOUR NETWORK NEWS DIRECTORS

WILL BEAR ME OUT ON THAT TONIGHT.

I REALLY THINK THIS ISN'T AS BAD

AS YOU'RE MAKING IT OUT TO BE.

A SECWET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION?!

C.J., FOR A WHILE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN.

WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

NO KIDDING.

IT'S NOT JOSH.

PRAISE GOD.

ALTHOUGH, I GOT TO SAY

TELLING A REPORTER HIS QUESTION IS STUPID

IS NOT LIKE A PAGE OUT OF DALE CARNEGIE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT.

THE ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE MY DAY WORSE IS IF

ROBERTO MENDOZA GOT INVOLVED.

Josh: ROBERTO MENDOZA IS THE PRESIDENT'S NOMINEE

TO FILL CROUCH'S SEAT ON THE SUPREME COURT.

THE PRESIDENT PUT TOBY ZIEGLER IN CHARGE OF HIS CONFIRMATION

WHICH IS A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY.

A FAILED CONFIRMATION FOR THE COURT

IS A BODY BLOW TO A PRESIDENCY.

BESIDES WHICH, HE'S A BRILLIANT JURIST

AND WE BADLY WANT HIM ON THE BENCH.

THE CONFIRMATION PROCESS IS A TOUGH NEEDLE TO THREAD.

YOU GOT TO MAKE A LOT OF FRIENDS

AND SUPREME COURT NOMINEES DON'T SPEAK BEFORE THEIR CONFIRMATION.

THEY LET THE WHITE HOUSE SPEAK FOR THEM.

SOMETHING TOBY'S HAD A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE

TEACHING ROBERTO MENDOZA.

HE SAID THE PRESIDENT WAS WRONG?

HE SAID THE PWESIDENT WAS WRONG

TO MAKE SECRETARY O'WEARY APOLO...

WHAT THE HELL IS...

C.J. SAM, TELL HIM.

HE SAID THE PRESIDENT WAS WRONG

TO MAKE SECRETARY O'LEARY APOLOGIZE.

TO WHO?

TO WOODEN.

I'M SAYING WHOM DID HE SAY IT TO?

CHICAGO TRIBUNE.

I THOUGHT HE'S ON VACATION IN NOVA SCOTIA.

HE IS.

WHAT, THEY CALLED HIM IN NOVA SCOTIA?

YEAH.

HOW THE HELL DID THEY FIND HIM IN NOVA SCOTIA?

THEY HAVE TELEPHONES IN NOVA SCOTIA, LEO.

IT'S NOT AMISH COUNTRY.

I REALLY THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS BUILDING, JOSH

YOU WANT TO BE THE LAST PERSON TO SPEAK RIGHT NOW.

YOU BET.

THE PWESIDENT NEEDS TO BE BWIEFED

ON THE EVENTS OF THE DAY.

C.J., SO HELP ME, IF YOU USE WORDS THE "PWESIDENT"

OR "BWIEFED" AGAIN...

THE PRESIDENT LANDS IN NEW ORLEANS IN AN HOUR AND HALF.

THERE'LL BE NO PRESS AT THE LABOR CONFERENCE.

WHEN HE'S DONE

HE'S GETTING RIGHT BACK ON THE PLANE

AND COMING HOME.

WHEELS DOWN AT 3:00 A.M. HE'LL BE IN RESIDENCE BY 3:30.

CAN I SAY SOMETHING?

WHAT?

A LOT OF THIS IS OUR FAULT

AND THE PRESIDENT PROBABLY ISN'T

GOING TO TAKE THIS VERY WELL

AND WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT WE WILL BE THERE WITH IN YOU SPIRIT TOMORROW MORNING.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE THERE WITH ME IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE, JOSH.

YOU BET.

7:00 A.M.

Josh: IF YOU READ THE PAPERS

YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME

THIS HAD HAPPENED.

IN THE EIGHT WEEKS SINCE THE PRESIDENT NAMED HIS NOMINEE

JUDGE MENDOZA HAS ON VARIOUS OCCASIONS PUBLICLY CRITICIZED

THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION, THE A.F.L.-C.I.O

AND THE NEW YORK STATE LEGISLATURE--

THREE ORGANIZATIONS, WITHOUT WHICH

THIS PRESIDENT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ELECTED.

PUTTING OUT THE DEBRA O'LEARY FIRE FROM EARLIER IN THE DAY

HAD BEEN THEN THE ONLY THING WE'VE BEEN SUCCESSFUL AT

AND NOW JUDGE MENDOZA HAD...

( phone ringing ) STARTED UP AGAIN.

I-I'M REALLY VERY SORRY, BUT I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.

YEAH.

Sam: Josh.

YEAH.

WE'RE IN.

Where is he?

TOBY'S TALKING TO HIM NOW.

HELLO, MR. JUSTICE.

HOW ARE YOU?

INCARCERATED, TOBY.

HOW ARE YOU?

DO YOU NEED ANYTHING, MR. ZIEGLER?

NO.

THE JUDGE AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A CHAT.

IS THE PRESIDENT.

THE SECOND HARDEST JOB IS NOT CHIEF OF STAFF

IT'S NOT NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR

AND IT'S NOT PRESS SECRETARY

ALTHOUGH I'M GAINING A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RESPECT

FOR PRESS SECRETARIES.

THE SECOND HARDEST JOB IN THE WHITE HOUSE

BELONGS TO A 21-YEAR-OLD KID NAMED CHARLIE YOUNG.

HE'S WHAT'S CALLED THE PRESIDENT'S "BODY MAN"

HIS PERSONAL AIDE.

HE'S WITH THE PRESIDENT MORNING TO NIGHT.

HE HAS A RANGE OF RESPONSIBILITIES

ALL OF THEM DIFFICULT

BUT THE ONE HE HATES MOST IS THIS:

FROM TIME TO TIME, IT IS HIS JOB

TO WAKE THE PRESIDENT UP IN THE MORNING

AND ON THIS PARTICULAR MORNING

THE PRESIDENT HAD GONE TO SLEEP ONLY THREE HOURS EARLIER.

GOOD MORNING, HELEN. IT'S CHARLIE.

THE PRESIDENT DID VERY WELL.

SINCE WHEN?

GOOD ONE, HELEN.

IT'S TIME FOR THE PRESIDENT'S WAKE-UP CALL.

( phone ringing )

WHAT?

GOOD MORNING, MR. PRESIDENT. IT'S CHARLIE.

I HOPE...

I MEAN, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT RIGHT NOW?

SIR, IT'S 6:30 A.M., AND...

IN THE MORNING?

YES, SIR, AND I WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT...

WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING HOLY

COULD YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

I WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAVE A 7:00 A.M. MEETING

AT THE OVAL OFFICE WITH SENIOR STAFF

FOLLOWED BY YOUR SECURITY AND INTELLIGENCE BRIEFINGS

AND A MEETING WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE FED.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HAVE THE STEWARDS

BRING SOME COFFEE AND THE WASHINGTON POST?

WHO THE HELL IS THIS?

Sir...

AND WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?

SIR, I NEED YOU TO DIG IN NOW.

IT WASN'T A NIGHTMARE.

YOU REALLY ARE THE PRESIDENT.

All right.

I'LL HAVE THE STEWARD

BRING COFFEE TO YOUR ROOM.

I'LL GET UP NOW.

MENDOZA WAS SUMMONED TO THE WHITE HOUSE

FROM HIS VACATION IN NOVA SCOTIA.

WHEN YOU SUMMON SOMEONE TO THE WHITE HOUSE

YOU GENERALLY EXPECT TO SEE THEM WITHIN THE HOUR.

JUDGE MENDOZA TOLD US THAT HE WOULD SEE US IN THREE DAYS.

WHY THREE DAYS?

BECAUSE HE WAS DRIVING DOWN TO D.C.

STOPPING IN CONNECTICUT TO DO SOME ANTIQUING.

YET ANOTHER THING WE'D HAVE TO TELL THE PRESIDENT

WHO, BY THE WAY, HAD STILL NOT WOKEN UP.

CHARLIE...

OH, COME ON.

I'VE BEEN KNOCKING EVERY FEW MINUTES OR SO

AND I DON'T HEAR THE SHOWER RUNNING, EITHER.

THANKS, BILLY. GIVE ME A MINUTE, WOULD YOU?

YOU BET.

MR. PRESIDENT?

MR. PRESIDENT.

MR. PRESIDENT.

CHARLIE, ARE YOU AWARE

YOU'RE COMMITTING A FEDERAL CRIME RIGHT NOW?

I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES WITH THE FEDS, MR. PRESIDENT.

IT'S 7:00.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THE FIRST LADY

WASN'T GOING TO BE NAKED WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE?

COME TO THINK OF IT, WHERE THE HELL IS MY WIFE?

ARGENTINA.

THAT'S RIGHT.

SENIOR STAFF IN THE OVAL OFFICE, SIR

SO I'M GOING TO STAND HERE

TILL YOU GET OUT OF BED

TAKE A SHOWER AND GET DRESSED.

ALL RIGHT.

( sighing )

HAVE YOU SLEPT YET?

NO, SIR.

GOOD.

HOW'S YOUR MOUTH?

WELL...

THE SWELLING'S GONE DOWN.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THE PAINKILLERS HAVE WORN OFF.

HE'S DRIVING FROM NOVA SCOTIA TO WASHINGTON.

YEAH.

HOW'S A PERSON DO THAT?

MY GUESS IS, HE'LL TAKE THE TRANS-CANADA HIGHWAY TO NEW BRUNSWICK

THEN MAYBE CATCH THE ONE AND TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE

ALONG THE COAST TO MAINE.

95 THROUGH NEW HAMPSHIRE TO THE MASS PIKE

AND THEN CUT OVER

TO THE MERRIT PARKWAY AROUND MILFORD.

SOMETHING REALLY KIND OF FREAKISH

ABOUT YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?

YEAH.

I'M TIRED, I'M CRANKY, AND MY WIFE'S IN ARGENTINA.

LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

WHAT?

MR. PRESIDENT

WE EXPERIENCED A FEW PUBLIC RELATIONS...

WHAT'S THE WORD?

CATASTROPHES.

INCIDENTS, IN THE FEW HOURS YOU WERE AWAY LAST NIGHT.

WHAT KIND OF INCIDENTS?

JOSH?

YEAH. UH...

FIRST, I'M HAPPY TO TELL YOU THAT THE INCIDENT

INVOLVING SECRETARY O'LEARY AND CONGRESSMAN WOODEN

HAS BEEN DISPENSED WITH...

THOUGH, NOT REALLY, AND I'LL GET TO THAT AT THE END.

SAM ASKED C.J.

TO MOVE THE BRIEFING TO 2:00

SO THAT WE COULD FOLD IN THE TEACHERS.

C.J. HAD EMERGENCY

ROOT CANAL SURGERY AT NOON AND SO WAS UNABLE TO BRIEF.

WHO DID?

I DID.

OH, GOD.

YEAH. UH, LONG STORY SHORT--

YOU'RE GOING TO BE READING A BIT TODAY

ABOUT YOUR SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION.

I HAVE A SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION?

NO.

WHY AM I GOING TO BE READING THAT I DO?

IT WAS SUGGESTED IN THE PRESSROOM THAT YOU DID.

BY WHO?

BY ME.

YOU TOLD THE PRESS

I HAVE A SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION?

NO, I DID NOT.

LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, I DID NOT DO THAT.

EXCEPT, YES, I DID THAT.

JOSH, I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.

SIR, THERE WAS THIS IDIOTIC ROUND ROBIN.

IT WAS SARCASTIC.

THERE'S NO WAY THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

THEY WERE JUST MAD AT ME FOR IMPOSING DISCIPLINE

AND CALLING THEM STUPID.

OKAY, BEFORE WE GO ON

C.J., IF BLOOD IS GUSHING

FROM THE HEAD WOUND YOU JUST RECEIVED

FROM A STAMPEDING HERD OF BISON, YOU'LL DO THE PRESS BRIEFING.

YES, SIR.

Josh: MR. PRESIDENT...

A SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION?

THERE WAS NO TURNING THEM BACK.

I DENIED IT. THEY WOULDN'T TAKE NO.

WERE YOU CLEAR?

I WAS CRYSTAL CLEAR.

THEY SAID, "DO YOU THINK

"IF THE PRESIDENT HAS A PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION

IT'S RIGHT THAT HE KEEP IT A SECRET?"

I SAID, "OF COURSE NOT."

ARE YOU TELLING ME

THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU INVENT A SECRET PLAN TO FIGHT INFLATION

BUT NOW YOU DON'T SUPPORT IT?

WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT...

MR. PRESIDENT...

MUCH AS WE'D LOVE

NOTHING MORE THAN TO STAND HERE AND WATCH YOU

BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF JOSH

THERE'S ACTUALLY A BIGGER FISH TO FRY.

WHAT DID MENDOZA DO?

HE TOLD THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

THAT YOU WERE WRONG TO ADMONISH DEBBIE O'LEARY

AND MAKE HER APOLOGIZE.

I DIDN'T. HE DID.

YOU TOLD ME TO.

YOU SAID YOU'D FIX IT.

I DID FIX IT.

WELL, IT'S BROKEN AGAIN, LEO.

FRANKLY, SIR THAT'S 'CAUSE YOUR NOMINEE

FOR THE SUPREME COURT'S HANDLING HIMSELF

IN A MANNER THAT'S TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL.

WE WILL HAVE THE FIRST OF WHAT I THINK

WILL BE A SERIES OF DISCUSSION

ABOUT PROFESSIONALISM ANOTHER TIME, TOBY.

WHERE IS MENDOZA?

HE'S ON HIS WAY, SIR.

RIGHT NOW?

BUT HE WON'T BE HERE UNTIL DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

DAY AFTER TOMORROW? YES, SIR.

IS HE COMING IN FROM NEPTUNE?

HE'S VACATIONING WITH HIS WIFE AND SON

AND THEY'D PREFER TO TAKE A LEISURELY DRIVE

THROUGH EASTERN CANADA AND NEW ENGLAND

WHILE STOPPING FOR ANTIQUE SHOPPING IN CONNECTICUT.

I IMAGINE HE'LL TAKE

THE TRANS-CANADA HIGHWAY TO 95...

SAM.

OKAY, WE WILL WAIT FOR MENDOZA.

IN THE MEANTIME, C.J., YOU WILL UNTANGLE THE PRESS CORPS.

YES, SIR.

AND WE WILL HOPE THAT NOTHING HAPPENS TODAY

TO MAKE THIS ANY WORSE.

ALTHOUGH I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T BET THE HOUSE ON IT.

THAT IS ALL.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

SIR, I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I'M SORRY

AND THAT THIS MESS WILL BE CLEANED UP

IN AN ADULT AND PROFESSIONAL MANNER.

GOOD.

IF ANYONE ASKS YOU, YOU QUIT SMOKING YEARS AGO

AND THE CIGARETTE YOU BUMMED ON AIR FORCE ONE

WAS FOR A FRIEND.

GET OUT.

YOU BET.

AND THAT WAS IT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO JUDGE MENDOZA?

I'M SORRY?

DID HE EVER GET HERE FROM NOVA SCOTIA?

ACTUALLY, HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW.

HE'S SPENDING THE NIGHT IN CONNECTICUT

TO DO SOME ANTIQUING.

HE'S BEEN IN THERE A LITTLE WHILE NOW.

YEAH.

I'M THE ONE THAT PULLED HIM OVER, YOU KNOW.

HIS DRIVING WAS ERRATIC.

I'M STILL NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED HE HADN'T BEEN DRINKING.

WELL, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM THERE.

WHAT'S THAT?

JUDGE MENDOZA HAS CHRONIC PERSISTENT HEPATITIS

WHICH IS A NON-PROGRESSIVE FORM OF LIVER INFLAMMATION.

IF HE'D HAD ENOUGH TO DRINK

TO BLOW A .1 ON THE BLOOD ALCOHOL

HE'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW.

( slurping )

IT'S GOOD COFFEE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE BREATHALYZER?

BECAUSE I WAS DRIVING WITHIN THE SPEED LIMIT.

I WAS DRIVING ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD.

I HAVE VALID TAGS AND REGISTRATION

AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, I DON'T HAVE ANY WARRANTS

FOR MY ARREST IN CONNECTICUT.

JUDGE?

ABSENT.

JUST CAUSE, TOBY.

BREATHALYZER'S AN ILLEGAL SEARCH AND A CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATION.

SO YOU GAVE BARNEY FIFE A HARD TIME TO MAKE A POINT.

A POINT WORTH MAKING.

NOT NOW.

YES, NOW. RIGHT NOW.

ONE PHONE CALL, JUDGE.

TOBY, THIS HAS HAPPENED.

TELL THEM, "MY NAME'S ROBERTO MENDOZA

AND THE PRESIDENT'S NAMED ME TO THE BENCH."

THEY PULLED ME OVER

BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE MY NAME IS ROBERTO MENDOZA

AND I'M COMING TO ROB YOUR HOUSE.

LET'S GO.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

HOME. LET'S GO HOME.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

JUDGE?

I'M UNDER ARREST, TOBY.

NOT ANYMORE. LET'S GO.

YOU PULL ALL THE STRINGS

YOU WANT, TOBY

BUT NOT FOR ME.

COME MONDAY, I'M GOING TO AVAIL MYSELF

OF THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM

FOR WHICH I HAVE WORKED MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

JUDGE, DUE RESPECT, GET YOUR THINGS AND LET'S GO.

MY KID WAS IN THAT CAR.

THEY PATTED ME DOWN

AND THEY HANDCUFFED ME

IN FRONT OF MY NINE-YEAR-OLD BOY.

THEN HE AND HIS MOTHER GOT TO SEE THEM PUT ME

IN A SQUAD CAR AND DRIVE AWAY.

HE'S ALSO SEEN YOU WEARING A ROBE

WITH A GAVEL IN YOUR HAND.

HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT.

HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT THE POLICE ARE

BECAUSE HE WATCHES TELEVISION.

THAT'S WHAT HE'S GOING TO REMEMBER--

HIS FATHER BEING HANDCUFFED.

SO AMERICA JUST GOT

ANOTHER PISSED-OFF GUY WITH DARK SKIN.

ROBBIE AND LAURA, WHERE ARE THEY RIGHT NOW?

MOTEL, A FEW MILES.

THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT THIS THAT DOESN'T STINK.

IF IT WERE ME, I'D WANT TO EXTRACT VENGEANCE

AND I'D SAY, "LET JUSTICE BE DONE."

I'D ALSO WANT TO SPEND SOME TIME IN A DARK ROOM ALONE

SO THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO FACE MY WIFE AND MY SON

AND HAVE THEM SEE MY HUMILIATION.

ROB, I CAN'T GET THIS DONE IF THIS IS THE STORY.

CAN'T GET IT DONE.

NOTHING ABOUT THIS THAT DOESN'T STINK.

NOTHING ABOUT IT THAT WOULDN'T BE BETTER

IF YOU WERE A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE.

LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE MOTEL.

GO SEE YOUR BOY.

SO, CAN I ASK

A GUY IN YOUR JOB:

DO YOU KNOW MISSILE CODES AND THAT SORT OF THING?

YEAH.

OUTSTANDING.

GOOD EVENING, MR. JUSTICE.

GOOD EVENING, SAM.

HE'S GOT PERSONAL ITEMS?

YES, SIR.

IT'S YOUR LUCKY NIGHT, OFFICERS.

THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A REPORT.

THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE AN INVESTIGATION.

NO ONE'S GETTING SUSPENDED.

AND NO ONE'S FILING

A HUNDRED-MILLION-DOLLAR LAWSUIT AGAINST THE COUNTY

THAT THEY WOULD ALMOST SURELY WIN.

BUT IN THIS ROOM, YOU'RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO MR. MENDOZA.

AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN YOUR SQUAD CAR

YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW US

AND YOU'RE TO APOLOGIZE TO HIS SON.

JUDGE MENDOZA...

WE SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR OUR MISTAKE.

THANK YOU.

LET'S GO.

I ALSO GOT TO SAY YOU GUYS COULD DO A BETTER JOB

OF MARKING THE EXITS ON THE THROUGHWAY.

LET'S GO.

WE'LL BE BEHIND YOU.

YOU KNOW, TOBY, IF THERE'S NO REASON

FOR YOU GUYS TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

YOU SHOULD SPEND THE NIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S UP HERE?

GREAT ANTIQUING.

KILLING ME, JUDGE.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME.

JOSH.

IT'S OVER.

YEAH.

GOOD.

( sighing )

THAT'S THE LAST TIME THE PHONE WILL RING.

I PROMISE.

JOSH...

THERE'S A PART OF THE STORY I DIDN'T TELL YOU.

( laughs )

I CAN'T.

TRUST ME, IT DOESN'T INVOLVE...

I-I JUST CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

ASK ME BACK AGAIN

AFTER THE SENATE CONFIRMS MENDOZA.

YOU REALLY SHOULD HEAR IT.

IT'S A GOOD STORY.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE SOME QUESTIONS.

YEAH.