Original subtitles

WHAT'S GOING ON?

CLAYPOOL'S GOT A COPY OF YOUR RECORDS FROM REHAB.

WE'RE HERE FOR WHATEVER YOU NEED.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU OUT.

SHE ASKED ME OUT ABOUT 49 TIMES

AND I'M SAYING YES TO ONE OF THEM.

DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE LIKE OPERA?

YOU'RE ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE.

NO.

LIKE MOST PEOPLE

I AM A NUT FOR CHINESE OPERA, AND WHAT WITH

YOUR GUARANTEE THERE WON'T BE SEX

I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD SAY NO.

I'M LORD JOHN MARBRY.

I WAS SUMMONED BY YOUR PRESIDENT.

WE'VE MET TEN OR 12 TIMES.

THE WORLD IS COMING APART AT THE SEAMS.

THANK GOD YOU SENT FOR ME.

President: WITH NEARLY 18 MILLION NEW JOBS

WAGES RISING AT MORE THAN TWICE THE RATE OF INFLATION

THE HIGHEST HOME OWNERSHIP IN HISTORY

THE SMALLEST WELFARE ROLLS IN 30 YEARS

AND THE LOWEST PEACETIME UNEMPLOYMENT SINCE 1957

I STAND BEFORE YOU TO REPORT THAT AMERICA HAS CREATED

THE LONGEST PEACETIME ECONOMIC EXPANSION IN OUR HISTORY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE DECADES

THE BUDGET IS BALANCED.

FROM A DEFICIT OF $290 MILLION JUST TEN YEAR...

BILLION DOLLARS.

WHAT?

$290 BILLION.

WHAT DID I SAY?

YOU SAID MILLION

BUT LET'S MOVE ON.

I SAID MILLION?

YUP.

FROM A DEFICIT OF $290 BILLION JUST TEN...

IT SAYS MILLION ON THE TELEPROMPTER, BY THE WAY.

SAM.

OUR FAULT.

LET'S TAKE IT BACK.

( coughing )

MR. SPEAKER, MR. VICE PRESIDENT

MEMBERS OF THE 106th CONGRESS...

HE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD.

YEAH.

HE'S PALE AND HE'S SWEATING.

I KNOW.

THINK HE'S GETTING SICK?

I DON'T KNOW.

ARE HIS GLANDS SWOLLEN?

DAMN. WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I FORGOT TO DO TODAY?

WHAT?

I FORGOT TO FEEL THE PRESIDENT'S GLANDS.

DO YOU THINK THE JOKE REFLEX YOU USE AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM

IS WHY YOU HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE KEEPING A MAN?

YOU KNOW...

I'M SAYING WE'RE 44 HOURS AWAY

FROM THE STATE OF THE UNION

AND HE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD.

...AND HOW DO WE MAKE THE AMERICAN DREAM

OF OPPORTUNITY A REALITY FOR ALL?

I CAME TO THIS HALLOWED CHAMBER ONE YEAR AGO...

AND I SEE WE'RE SPELLING "HALLOWED"

WITH A POUND SIGN IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

WE'LL FIX THAT.

THE POUND SIGN'S SILENT?

MOVE ON, MR. PRESIDENT.

I CAME TO THIS HALLOWED CHAMBER ONE YEAR AGO ON A MISSION:

TO RESTORE THE AMERICAN DREAM FOR ALL OUR PEOPLE

AS WE GAZE AT THE VAST HORIZON OF POSSIBILITIES OPEN TO US

IN THE 321st CENTURY.

WOW, THAT WAS AMBITIOUS OF ME, WASN'T IT?

LEO...

LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

WE MEANT "STRONGER" HERE, RIGHT?

WHAT'S IT SAY?

"I'M PROUD TO REPORT OUR COUNTRY'S STRANGER

THAN IT WAS A YEAR AGO."

THAT'S A TYPO.

COULD GO EITHER WAY.

SAM...

IT'S TAKEN CARE OF.

MR. PRESIDENT... YES, SIR.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WHY IS EVERYONE ASKING ME THAT TODAY?

WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

I'M FINE.

YOU'RE PALE AND PERSPIRING.

I'M FINE!

YOU SHOULD BE TAKING SOMETHING, SIR.

I'M TAKING MANY THINGS, C.J.

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING?

I DON'T KNOW.

MY WIFE HANDS ME PILLS, I SWALLOW THEM WITH WATER.

SIR... VITAMIN C, VITAMIN B...

IS IT POSSIBLE I'M TAKING SOMETHING CALLED "EUTHANASIA"?

ECHINACEA.

THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT. TOBY?

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT...

I'M TAKING PILLS, C.J.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY TAKING THEM

OR ARE YOU JUST CARRYING THEM AROUND IN YOUR POCKET?

YOU KNOW, CARRYING THEM AROUND IN MY POCKET

WAS A PRETTY BIG STEP FOR ME.

YOU GOT TO TAKE THE PILLS.

TOBY... YEAH?

"HOW DO WE MAKE THE AMERICAN DREAM

A REALITY FOR ALL WHO WORK FOR IT?"

OH, COME ON. YOU'VE GOT TO ADD "WHO WORK FOR IT."

Josh: THAT WAS ME.

SIR, WE DECIDED THIS TWO MONTHS AGO.

WE'VE SEEN SOME PRETTY COMPELLING POLLING SAMPLES.

WE NEED "PEOPLE WHO WILL WORK FOR IT"

NO. AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ELSE:

THE ERA OF BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER.

OH, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

THIS MORNING. WE HAD A MEETING.

WE DECIDED TO OFFEND POOR PEOPLE?

THE PEOPLE WE'RE OFFENDING

WON'T BE WATCHING THE STATE OF THE UNION.

YEAH, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY NOT.

IT'S WHAT THEY'RE LISTENING FOR

ON WELFARE REFORM, SO SCREW IT.

BUT WHEN YOU GET VISITED IN THE MIDDLE NIGHT

BY THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE

DON'T COME RUNNING TO ME.

YOU'RE EXACTLY WHO

I WAS GOING TO COME RUNNING TO.

YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

WELL, I'M GAZING INTO THE 321st CENTURY, MAN.

THERE'S A LOT ON MY MIND.

LET'S FINISH UP IN HERE.

MR. PRESIDENT...

OH, DEAR GOD, I WILL TAKE THE PILLS, C.J.

WILL YOU TAKE THEM NOW?

YES. I WILL GO INTO THE OVAL OFFICE

AND POUR A GLASS OF WATER FROM THE STEUBEN GLASS PITCHER

A GIFT FROM THE CHRISTIAN CHARITY NETWORK.

MR. PRESIDENT...

BEFORE YOU START CALLING ME EBENEZER BARTLET

REMEMBER, I GOT A REALLY NICE GLASS PITCHER

FOR JUST, YOU KNOW, BEING A GOOD GUY.

WELL, YOU TURNED ME RIGHT AROUND ON THAT ONE, MR. PRESIDENT.

SIR...

I WILL TAKE THE PILLS.

YOU KNOW, HERE'S A THING:

WE HAVEN'T BEEN INVITED.

Josh: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

TECHNICALLY, THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE INVITES

THE PRESIDENT TO DELIVER THE STATE OF THE UNION.

AND WE HAVEN'T BEEN INVITED YET.

NOT YET.

IS SOMEBODY SEEING TO THIS?

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

GOOD, 'CAUSE WE WANT TO REPORT

THE COUNTRY'S A LOT STRANGER

THAN IT WAS A YEAR AGO.

( laughs )

I'LL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN.

( laughs )

( glass and metal crashing )

Leo: GET A DOCTOR!

Man: WELL, HIS TEMPERATURE'S 101.9.

I'M FAIRLY SURE HE'S GOT THE FLU

BUT I WANT TO TAKE HIM TO BETHESDA FOR A CARDIOGRAM.

I DON'T NEED A CARDIOGRAM.

LET'S GO. I GOT DIZZY.

WE'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

I DIDN'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK, LEO.

I GOT THE FLU.

I DON'T NEED A CARDIOGRAM.

I ALSO WANT BLOOD WORK

AND A CHEST X RAY.

THINK IT'S PNEUMONIA?

NO. I THINK IT'S THE FLU

BUT I DON'T WANT TO FOOL AROUND.

LEO, I'M FINE.

MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU, MRS. LANDINGHAM.

MRS. LANDINGHAM, HOW DO I LOOK TO YOU?

YOU'RE A VERY HANDSOME MAN, MR. PRESIDENT.

YOU SEE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT CAN WAIT UNTIL MORNING, BUT I WANT

TO STAY WITH HIM ANOTHER HOUR OR TWO.

DO THE BLOOD WORK, SEND IT TO THE LAB

GET THE CARDIOGRAM AND CHEST X RAY TOMORROW.

SURE.

YOU'RE GOING TO BED.

CAN'T YET. MR. PRESIDENT...

SITUATION.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS

AND THEN YOU'RE GETTING INTO BED.

WE'LL MEET YOU IN THE RESIDENCE

IN A FEW MINUTES.

WHOA! WHOA!

JUST A LITTLE JOKE.

YOU'RE A REAL CUTUP.

101.9 AND I STILL GOT IT.

YES, INDEED, SIR.

I'M GOING TO TELL HIM STEADY BUT NOT EGREGIOUS, SIR.

WE'RE ALL OKAY WITH THAT?

YES, SIR. YEAH.

ADMIRAL...

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

WE'VE GOT THE SECOND, THE THIRD, 103rd, 106th AND 107th.

THANK YOU.

ANYONE KNOW IF THE CELTICS WON TONIGHT?

WE CAN GET THAT INFORMATION, SIR.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SIR, THERE HAVE BEEN STEADY BUT NOT EGREGIOUS CLASHES

ALONG THE CEASE-FIRE LINE.

IF YOU LOOK AT THE PHOTO-RECON ANALYSIS

YOU'LL SEE INDIA'S MOVED NEW UNITS

INTO THEIR FORCE STRUCTURES AT THE BORDER.

IT WAS A TWO-WEEK CEASE-FIRE.

THERE'S FOUR DAYS LEFT.

SIR, THEY'RE GETTING READY.

WHAT'S INTEL SAYING ABOUT THE PAKISTANIS?

THEY'RE DESPERATELY CONCERNED

THAT IF THE INDIANS CONTINUE THEIR OFFENSIVE

THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO DEFEND THE CAPITAL WITH CONVENTIONAL FORCE.

IS THIS WHINING OR IS THIS FOR REAL?

BAZIN'S GIVEN COMMAND CONTROL OF SOME OF THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS

TO FIELD COMMANDERS IN THEATRE

BUT I THINK THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO GET OUR ATTENTION.

THEY GOT MINE.

AND THEY'VE GOT CHINA'S.

SIR, I'M GOING TO SCRAMBLE THE B-1s OUT OF MANILA

AND PUT THE 49th TACTICAL AND RECON ON READY-ALERT.

I'M GOING TO BED

BUT SOMEBODY CALL ME IF THERE'S MOVEMENT.

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT...

YEAH?

CELTICS LOST IN OVERTIME.

GOOD NIGHT.

All: THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

OH, IT WAS VERY CUTE.

SO, I GROW THE REST OF THE BEARD BACK?

YEAH. OKAY.

HELLO.

C.J., DON'T YOU THINK DANNY LOOKED VERY CUTE

WITH THE FULL BEARD?

I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

WELL, TAKE YOUR TIME.

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

I JUST CAME BY TO SEE MY FISH.

THE FISH IS FINE

AND I NEED MY OFFICE.

YES. I'M LEAVING?

GOOD NIGHT. OKAY. GOOD NIGHT.

HE GAVE ME A FISH A FEW WEEKS AGO--

THAT ONE THERE.

IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU

TO BE FRIENDLIER TO HIM.

DOESN'T SEEM TO KILL YOU.

C.J.!

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YES.

C.J.... I WAS KIDDING.

YOU SOUNDED SERIOUS.

I'M VERY DRY.

THE STORY'S GOING

TO BREAK TOMORROW.

LEO? YEAH.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

IT'S ON THE INTERNET.

THE WHOLE THING? YEAH.

I'LL GO SEE HIM.

WE WEREN'T INVITED?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A CONSTITUTIONAL REQUIREMENT.

IT IS.

THEN WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE INVITED?

IT'S A TECHNICALITY.

I DON'T GET...

IT DATES BACK TO PARLIAMENT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

OKAY.

ALSO REMIND JOSH TO PICK A GUY.

"PICK A GUY"?

YEAH.

HE'LL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

YEAH.

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW.

MARGARET! OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, HEY, C.J.

HEY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOW'S THE PRESIDENT?

HE'S IN BED.

HACKET'S UP THERE WITH HIM.

DOES THE FIRST LADY KNOW?

SHE CANCELED THE TRIP.

SHE'S ON HER WAY BACK FROM ANDREWS.

LEO...

IT'S GOING TO BREAK... TOMORROW?

YEAH. IT'S ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW.

OKAY.

WHY DON'T WE DO A PREEMPTIVE... YEAH.

YOU'LL TALK TO THE PRESS IN THE MORNING. YEAH.

I'M GOING TO WORK WITH YOU FIRST, OKAY?

YEAH.

OKAY.

OKAY.

President: IT TESTED VERY WELL.

I'M NOT SAYING WE'RE DOING IT, TOBY.

I JUST WANT TO TRY IT AND SEE HOW IT READS.

"THE ERA OF BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER."

ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING, SIR?

I'M FEELING ROUGHLY THE SAME AS I WAS FEELING

WHEN YOU ASKED ME FOUR MINUTES AGO.

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OKAY.

THIS ISN'T THE WORST OF IT, CHARLIE.

THE WORST OF IT'S COMING

UP THE STAIRS RIGHT NOW.

Abbey: HELLO.

HELLO.

GOOD EVENING, MA'AM.

HEY, CHARLIE, HOW YOU DOING?

MA'AM, I'M ADMIRAL HACKET.

I WAS ON DUTY WHEN IT HAPPENED.

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND GETTING MY BAG, PLEASE?

ABBEY...

( sighs )

YEAH.

"101.9"?

YES, MA'AM.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CHECKED?

ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

PULSE AND PRESSURE?

THE PRESSURE DROPPED BEFORE HE FAINTED

BUT IT'S COMING BACK.

"105/70."

YES.

I WANT TO PUT HIM ON AN I.V. SALINE AND VITAMIN SOLUTION.

HONEY, YOU STILL DIZZY?

I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU WOULD NOTICE ME.

NO. ARE YOU STILL DIZZY?

HE'S LYING.

GIVE HIM FLUMADINE.

100 MILLIGRAMS

TWICE A DAY. YES, MA'AM.

THANK YOU, ADMIRAL.

WOULD YOU MIND WAITING OUTSIDE?

NO, MA'AM.

CHARLIE, WOULD YOU MIND WAITING OUTSIDE FOR A MINUTE?

NO, MA'AM. DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO. THANKS VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE VERY SEXY

WHEN YOU'RE IN DOCTOR MODE, YOU KNOW THAT?

"GET ME AN I.V. SALINE SOLUTION

AND 100 MILLIGRAMS OF FLUMADINE, STAT."

I COULD JUMP YOU RIGHT NOW.

I COULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.

MY THING'S MORE FUN.

IT TOOK YOU 25 MINUTES TO CALL ME.

FITZWALLACE CALLED ME TO THE SITUATION ROOM.

THERE WAS MORE MOVEMENT IN KASHMIR.

I DON'T CARE IF CANADA INVADED MICHIGAN, JED. YOU CALL ME.

ABBEY...

STOP TALKING.

I BROKE THE STEUBEN GLASS PITCHER IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

THAT'S OKAY.

SERIOUSLY, ABBEY, I'M FINE.

YOU COULD'VE HIT YOUR HEAD

ON SOMETHING. ( groans )

WELL, I DIDN'T.

WAS IT LIKE THE TIME IN NANTUCKET?

YEAH.

OR WAS IT MORE LIKE THE TIME AT MY PARENTS'?

I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE ASLEEP IN A MINUTE.

FITZWALLACE SAID THE PAKISTANIS HAVE GIVEN COMMAND-CONTROL

OF SOME NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO THE FIELD.

IT'S OKAY.

LEO'S IN THE WEST WING.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE PITCHER.

I WAS TAKING THE PILLS YOU GAVE ME.

JUST GO TO SLEEP.

I COULD JUMP YOU RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, SURE YOU COULD.

Josh: I DON'T THINK IT'S BEING SORTED

IN THE MAILROOM.

IT'S AN INVITATION TO THE PRESIDENT

TO ADDRESS CONGRESS.

I'M ASSUMING IT WAS HAND DELIVERED.

THANK YOU.

YES.

MARGARET CAME BY.

YES!

SHE SAID LEO SAID TO REMIND YOU

YOU NEED TO PICK A GUY.

SAID YOU'D KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YEAH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

SOMEONE FROM THE LINE OF SUCCESSION

IS REQUIRED TO BE ABSENT FROM THE STATE OF THE UNION.

WHY?

DONNA...

WAIT, I KNOW WHY. YES.

SO IF SOMEBODY BLOWS UP THE BUILDING... YES.

WHO YOU GOING TO PICK?

WHO DO YOU THINK I SHOULD PICK?

I THINK YOU SHOULD PICK ME.

YOU THINK SO?

YEAH. I'D BE GOOD.

AND WHERE EXACTLY

DO YOU FALL IN THE LINE OF SUCCESSION?

IF SOMEBODY BLOWS UP THE CAPITOL BUILDING

DURING THE STATE OF THE UNION

I'D IMAGINE I'D MOVE UP A FEW SLOTS.

FAIR POINT.

SO WHO'S IT GOING TO BE?

ROGER TRIBBY.

THE SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE?

YES. LISTEN...

BE SWEET TO MARGARET AND LEO TODAY.

THIS MAY NOT BE THE WORST DAY OF THEIR LIVES

BUT IT'S GOT TO BE IN THE TOP FIVE.

OKAY.

SEE YOU LATER.

Leo: "I DEEPLY REGRET THE PAIN

AND TROUBLE THIS HAS CAUSED FOR THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE."

WHEN YOU LEFT SIERRA TUCSON

DID YOU START ATTENDING MEETINGS?

A.A. MEETINGS?

C.J.: DON'T SAY A.A.

IF THEY DON'T SAY A.A.

Josh: WHEN YOU LEFT SIERRA TUCSON

DID YOU START ATTENDING MEETINGS?

YES.

DO YOU STILL ATTEND THEM?

YES.

WHERE?

I WON'T ANSWER THAT.

HOW OFTEN?

I WON'T ANSWER THAT, EITHER.

Josh: HOW ABOUT...

"AS OFTEN AS I NEED TO"?

"NEED"?

HE'S RIGHT. DON'T ANSWER IT.

WHAT ELSE?

HAS THE PRESIDENT KNOWN?

THE PRESIDENT AND I HAVE A LONG HISTORY

AND A VERY CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION.

THE PRESIDENT HAS KNOWN

AS WELL AS THE FBI AND THE SECRET SERVICE.

DID THEY RAISE ANY OBJECTION TO A MAN

WITH YOUR PROBLEM BEING IN SUCH A SENSITIVE POSITION?

YEAH. THEY WERE CONCERNED

I'D SELL STATE SECRETS TO BOLIVIA

FOR A QUICK... IT'S NOT A TOTALLY

UNREASONABLE QUESTION.

YEAH, I'M ALL SET.

OKAY.

LEO, I WROTE A DRAFT

OF THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT OF SUPPORT.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO... WHAT DID YOU DO?

DRAFTED THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT OF SUPPORT.

WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THAT?

LEO, THE PRESIDENT'S IN NO CONDITION...

I KNOW WHAT CONDITION HE'S IN.

I'M ASKING, WHO TOLD YOU

TO WRITE A STATEMENT OF SUPPORT?

TOBY TOLD HIM TO...

NOBODY HAD TO TELL ME.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET ATTACKED.

IT'S WHAT I DO.

NO, YOUR JOB ISN'T TO PROTECT ME, SAM.

IT'S TO PROTECT THE PRESIDENT.

LEO... DO ME A FAVOR, SAM.

DON'T SHOW INITIATIVE.

DON'T RUSH TO MY DEFENSE.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ON CROSSFIRE

OR ON LARRY KING.

I DON'T WANT TO READ YOUR NAME

IN NEWSWEEK, UNLESS IT IS IN ADVOCACY

OF THE PRESIDENT'S AGENDA.

I GO DOWN, I GO DOWN.

I'M NOT TAKING ANYONE WITH ME.

IS THAT CLEAR?

YES, SIR.

I'M ALL SET.

GO BACK TO WORK.

WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOUR TEMPERATURE'S GONE DOWN.

CAN I GO TO THE OFFICE?

NO. WHY NOT?

IT HASN'T GONE DOWN ENOUGH

AND IT'S GOING TO GO BACK UP AGAIN.

WHY?

'CAUSE YOU HAVE THE FLU.

HERE'S THE THING, THOUGH:

I NEVER REALLY SAW YOU STUDY WHILE YOU WERE IN MED SCHOOL.

DEEP BREATH.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LISTENING FOR RIGHT NOW?

( inhaling )

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE

I COULD'VE MARRIED?

HOW MANY?

SHH.

I'M GOING TO THE OFFICE.

OKAY.

REALLY?

FEEL FREE.

OKAY.

UH-OH.

ANYTHING ELSE?

( groans )

ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I'LL STAY HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT.

OKAY.

LEO?

MM-HMM?

THEY'RE READY FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU NEED ANYTHING?

NO.

( shutters clicking )

GOOD MORNING.

Reporters: GOOD MORNING.

A STORY WHICH MANY, IF NOT MOST OF YOU

ARE AWARE OF ALREADY

WILL BREAK IN WIDE CIRCULATION BY THE END OF THE DAY.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO READ A BRIEF STATEMENT

BEFORE I ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS.

"IN JUNE OF 1993, I VOLUNTARILY ADMITTED MYSELF

"TO THE SIERRA TUCSON REHABILITATION FACILITY

TO TREAT AN ADDICTION TO ALCOHOL AND VALIUM."

( shutters clicking )

"I AM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC AND DRUG ADDICT.

( shutters clicking )

"I DEEPLY REGRET THE PAIN AND TROUBLE

"THIS HAS CAUSED FOR THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

I'D LIKE TO, AT THIS POINT, CLARIFY A FEW THINGS..."

Donna: ROGER TRIBBY.

YES.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE PICKING

THE SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE.

BECAUSE THE ATTORNEY GENERAL

THE SECRETARIES OF STATE, DEFENSE AND THE TREASURY

ARE FAMOUS FACES AND WE WANT THE CAMERA TO FIND THEM.

SO IF THE CAPITOL BUILDING BLOWS UP...

YES.

THE MAN MY COUNTRY WILL BE LOOKING TO

IS THE SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE.

IT'S MY COUNTRY, TOO.

BUT YOU'LL BE DEAD.

WHICH IS WHY I DON'T CARE THAT MUCH.

JOSH...

DONNA, I DON'T ANTICIPATE

THE CAPITOL BUILDING EXPLODING.

WHAT PERCENTAGE OF THINGS EXPLODING HAVE BEEN ANTICIPATED?

NOW YOU'RE BRINGING ME DOWN.

I WOULD THINK SO.

SAM.

YEAH.

I THOUGHT HE DID WELL.

YEAH, HE DID.

I READ THE STATEMENT YOU WROTE FOR THE PRESIDENT...

SENSATIONAL, SAM.

I'M SORRY NO ONE'S GOING TO READ IT.

THE PRESIDENT'S GOING TO READ IT.

HE'S READING IT RIGHT NOW.

SAM...

I DON'T CARE.

LEO'S GOING TO KILL US.

I DON'T CARE. DO YOU?

NAH.

Man: TOBY, WE'RE CONCERNED THAT THE SPEECH

CONTAINS A NUMBER OF POSITIONS

THAT DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS

AREN'T QUITE ON BOARD WITH YET.

THEY'RE FREE TO WRITE THEIR OWN SPEECH.

I UNDERSTAND, BUT THEY'RE THE ONES

WHO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO RUN AGAINST THIS

A YEAR FROM NOW.

WHAT ARE YOUR CONCERNS?

WE FEEL, EVEN IN THIS DRAFT...

AND YOU'VE MADE SOME PROGRESS.

YES, BUT EVEN IN THIS DRAFT

THERE'S TOO MUCH EMPHASIS PLACED

ON THE ROLE OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

I'VE PARED DOWN...

WE KNOW.

( sighs )

( clears throat )

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A PEP RALLY.

THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRUMPET GOVERNMENT.

WHY PRETEND TO BE SORRY

FOR INTRUDING?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR.

SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

TOBY...

PICK YOUR SECTION OF THE SPEECH

FIGHT WITH ME ABOUT IT, I'LL LOSE, AND I CALL IN

THE NEXT GROUP. NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND...

PICK A SECTION.

THERE'S A LINE WAITING OUTSIDE.

I'VE GOT 31 HOURS TO-TO FINISH WRITING THIS...

WE DON'T... FEDERAL FUNDING

FOR THE ARTS.

THE N.E.A.

( heavy sigh )

LET US OPEN OUR HYMNALS TO PAGE 22.

( chuckling )

( no audio )

LEO?

YEAH.

MALLORY'S HERE.

OKAY.

THANKS. DAD!

HEY, MAL.

ARE YOU OKAY? I'M FINE.

YOU TOLD ME YOUR PRESS CONFERENCE

WOULD BE THIS AFTERNOON.

I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T KNOW; THAT IT PROBABLY...

I WANTED TO BE THERE.

IT'S OKAY.

NO, IT'S NOT. MOM AND I SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.

YES, DEFINITELY A PICTURE OF ME

STANDING NEXT TO MY ESTRANGED WIFE...

DAD. MALLORY.

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH YOU.

OKAY.

ANYWAY...

I SAW A COPY OF THE PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT.

WHAT STATEMENT?

FOR THE PRESS.

SUPPORTING YOU.

IT'S FLOATING AROUND.

"IT'S FLOATING AROUND."

IT'S VERY MOVING, DAD.

HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

EXCUSE ME.

PAGE ONE AND TWO.

SAM... YEAH.

WHERE ARE WE AT?

UH, WE'RE GETTING SLAPPED AROUND ON THE N.E.A.

OH, MAN! WHY IS HE...?

JOSH.

ON THE N.E.A., HE'S PUTTING UP A FIGHT?

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

LEO. YOU DID IT AGAIN.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR BEING PISSED OFF...

HAS THE PRESIDENT SEEN IT?

YES, AND HE...

WHO GAVE IT TO HIM?

LEO...

WHO GAVE IT TO HIM?

I DID. I DID.

WHAT, YOU'RE GIVING ME ABBOTT AND COSTELLO?

I DID.

I TOLD YOU...

THEY WANT TO TEAR YOU DOWN, PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU, SO THIS IS WHAT THEY DO.

AND FOR US NOT TO DEFEND YOU...

I DISOBEYED YOU. I APOLOGIZE.

BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. LEO...

YEAH.

THE FIRST LADY'S IN YOUR OFFICE.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED.

AH-HA-AH. ABBEY...

YOU'VE GOT AN ITCH FOR SAM SEABORN.

I DO NOT HAVE AN ITCH.

A LITTLE ITCH.

ABBEY, HE...

WANT A NICKEL'S WORTH OF FREE ADVICE?

SURE.

DON'T GO FOR THE GENIUSES.

THEY NEVER WANT TO SLEEP.

HEY.

OH, LEO. HI.

I HOPE I DIDN'T TAKE YOU AWAY FROM SOMETHING.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

MALLORY, WOULD YOU MIND...?

I DO NOT HAVE AN ITCH!

MALLORY!

I'M GOING.

BYE, SWEETIE.

BYE, DADDY.

( groans )

YOU DID GOOD TODAY.

THANK YOU.

MALLORY'S VERY PROUD OF YOU.

WELL...

LEO, I CAME BY BECAUSE I WANTED TO ASK YOU:

DO YOU THINK THERE'S A HUGE DOWNSIDE

TO POSTPONING FOR A FEW DAYS?

DID THE FEVER GO BACK UP?

NO, IT'S GOING DOWN.

ABBEY...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING. UH, LIKE I SAY...

WHAT SHOULD I KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW?

I JUST THOUGHT WE SHOULD BE

ON THE SAFE SIDE. WHY'D YOU CANCEL YOUR TRIP?

BECAUSE HE HAS...

BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT HAS A TEMPERATURE.

WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S NOT IN NURSERY SCHOOL.

LOOK, IF IT'S A PROBLEM TO POSTPONE, THEN...

IT'S NOT A PROBLEM TO POSTPONE.

OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING

TO JEOPARDIZE THE PRESIDENT'S HEALTH.

WHAT I'M SAYING...

LEO, PLEASE.

HEY, HEY, HEY...

THIS IS ME.

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

I SEE YOU TRYING TO COVER THE PANIC.

I SEE YOU PRESCRIBING MEDICATION.

I THINK YOU'RE GIVING HIM SHOTS.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE HE CAN'T TELL PEOPLE?

HE HAS THE FLU.

OH! YOU WOULD NOT HAVE COME BACK FOR THE FLU, ABBEY.

HE FAINTED.

HE WAS RUNNING A FEVER.

ABBEY...

HE HAS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, LEO.

OH, ABBEY.

A FEVER COULD BE LIFE THREATENING.

you must never say to Chief Bennett.

He's married to someone else, and so are you.

President: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DON'T ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE JOBS?

I DON'T KNOW, MR. PRESIDENT.

I THINK ONE OF THEM IS A SURGEON.

THEY SEEM TO HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

( phone ringing )

HELLO.

AND THAT WOMAN'S CHANGED HER CLOTHES

QUITE A LOT FOR ONE AFTERNOON.

MR. PRESIDENT, MR. McGARRY'S OUTSIDE.

YEAH.

WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING OUT, CHARLIE?

NO, SIR.

ABBEY PHONED ME UP AND TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR CONVERSATION.

I WAS DIAGNOSED ABOUT SEVEN YEARS AGO.

MY LIFE EXPECTANCY IS NORMAL.

MY PARTICULAR COURSE OF M.S. IS CALLED RELAPSING-REMITTING

WHICH MEANS I SHOULD EXPERIENCE TOTAL RECOVERY AFTER ATTACKS.

ABBEY GIVES ME INJECTIONS OF SOMETHING CALLED BETASERON

AND THAT REDUCES THE FREQUENCY.

FEVER AND STRESS TEND TO BE TWO THINGS

THAT WILL INDUCE AN ATTACK.

WELL, YOU'RE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

YOU'RE DELIVERING THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

TOMORROW NIGHT

INDIA AND PAKISTAN ARE POINTING

NUCLEAR WEAPONS AT EACH OTHER

AND YOU HAVE A 102-DEGREE FEVER

SO I GUESS WE'RE OUT OF THE WOODS, HMM?

101.9.

JED... OF ALL THE THINGS

THAT YOU COULD'VE KEPT FROM ME...

YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME JED SINCE I WAS ELECTED.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

'CAUSE I WANTED TO BE THE PRESIDENT.

THAT WOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED ME

FROM GETTING YOU HERE.

AND I COULD'VE BEEN A FRIEND.

YOU'VE BEEN A FRIEND.

BUT WHEN IT WAS TIME TO REALLY...

I KNOW.

WHEN I WAS LYING ON MY FACE IN THE MOTEL PARKING LOT

YOU WERE THE ONE I CALLED.

WHEN YOU STOOD UP THERE TODAY, I WAS SO PROUD.

I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.

NAH, NAH.

I TRIED TO GET UP, AND I FELL BACK DOWN AGAIN.

I KNOW THE FEELING.

( chuckles )

I'M SO SORRY, LEO.

I REALLY AM.

( knocking on door )

Charlie: MR. PRESIDENT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YEAH, CHARLIE?

LORD MARBURY.

YEAH, GIVE US A MINUTE, WOULD YOU PLEASE?

( sighs )

Burns: NOW, THE PRESIDENT'S PROPOSING IN HIS SPEECH

THAT THE BUDGET FOR THE N.E.A. BE INCREASED BY 50%?

THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT AMOUNTS TO LESS

THAN 1/100th OF ONE PERCENT OF THE TOTAL BUDGET

FOR THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

IT COSTS TAXPAYERS 39 CENTS A YEAR.

THE ARTS BUDGET FOR THE UNITED STATES

IS EQUIVALENT TO THE ARTS BUDGET OF SWEDEN.

WITH SUCH A BIG DEAL BEING MADE

OUT OF THE PERFORMANCE ART

OF THE MAPPLETHORPE PHOTOGRAPHS...

YOU GAY-BASHING, RAYMOND?

WELL, ONCE AGAIN, ALL WE'D LIKE

IS FOR YOU TO NOT MENTION THE N.E.A.

PERSONALLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO PEOPLE

WHO ARGUE THAT THE N.E.A. IS THERE TO SUPPORT ART

THAT NOBODY WANTED TO PAY FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL PEOPLE

WHEN THEY SAY ROGERS AND HART DIDN'T NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE OKLAHOMA!

AND ARTHUR MURRAY DIDN'T NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE DEATH OF SALESMAN.

I'D START BY TELLING THEM

THAT ROGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN WROTE OKLAHOMA!

AND ARTHUR MURRAY TAUGHT BALLROOM DANCE.

ARTHUR MILLER, ON THE OTHER HAND, DID NEED THE N.E.A.

TO WRITE DEATH OF A SALESMAN

ONLY IT WASN'T CALLED THE N.E.A. BACK THEN--

IT WAS CALLED THE W.P.A., AND IT WAS ROOSEVELT'S...

IT WAS ROOSEVELT'S...

TOBY?

YEAH.

YOU STOPPED TALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF A...

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. THIS MEETING'S OVER.

Marbury: YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME MARVELOUS FLU REMEDIES

KNOWN IN CERTAIN REMOTE PARTS OF THE SUBCONTINENT.

LICORICE ROOT, FOR INSTANCE

COMBINED WITH BAMBOO SAP AND A STRONG SHOT OF WHISKEY.

UH, GINGER ROOT, ALSO

UH, MIXED WITH, UM, UH, CITRUS PEEL.

AND A STRONG SHOT OF WHISKEY?

YES, OF COURSE. IN FACT, YOU CAN THROW OUT

THE GINGER ROOT AND CITRUS PEEL AND STILL BE

WELL ON YOUR WAY.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME, JOHN?

WELL, UM, AFTER SPEAKING AT LENGTH THIS PAST WEEK

WITH YOUR SECRETARIES OF STATE AND DEFENSE

AS WELL AS THE JOINT CHIEFS AND VARIOUS EMBASSY OFFICIALS

I BELIEVE THIS:

BUY THEM OFF.

BUY THEM?

YES, SIR.

HOW?

MR. PRESIDENT, FOR SEVERAL CENTURIES

MY KINGDOM HAS RULED INDIA WITH A STICK AND CARROT.

WHEN WE HAD A PARTICULAR PROBLEM WITH SOMEONE

ONE SOLUTION WE WOULD TRY IS TO MAKE HIM A MAHARAJA.

THAT'S A KIND OF REGIONAL KING.

WE WOULD PAY HIM OFF WITH AN ANNUAL TRIBUTE

AND IN RETURN, HE WOULD BE LOYAL TO THE CROWN.

LORD MARBURY, UNDER OUR CONSTITUTION

THE PRESIDENT IS

NOT EMPOWERED TO CREATE MAHARAJAS.

YES, THANK YOU FOR CLEARING THAT UP, LEO.

HAVING BEEN EDUCATED AT CAMBRIDGE AND THE SORBONNE

I AM, AS YOU KNOW, EXCEEDINGLY STUPID.

JOHN, PLEASE...

YOU'VE BEEN PAYING THE WORLD OFF

SINCE THE INDUSTRIAL AGE.

FOREIGN AID DURING THE COLD WAR

WAS YOU PAYING DICTATORS TO BE ON YOUR SIDE.

TO THIS VERY DAY, YOU PAY NORTH KOREA

NOT TO DEVELOP NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

WHAT DOES INDIA WANT?

A COMPUTER INDUSTRY.

AND FOR THAT, THEY REQUIRE AN INFRASTRUCTURE

AND THAT IS WHAT YOU CAN GIVE THEM.

WHY?

IT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY.

FOR AVOIDING A WAR HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD?

FOR BEING RICH, FREE AND ALIVE, ALL AT THE SAME TIME

AND FOR THE CRIMINALLY

NEGLIGENT BEHAVIOR OF YOUR CONGRESS IN NOT CHECKING

THE PROLIFERATION OF NUCLEAR DEVICES.

YOUR FRIEND, THE PRIME MINISTER...

RIKKI.

HE'S GOING TO GO FOR THIS?

IF IT'S HANDLED PROPERLY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TELL THE AMBASSADOR

WE'LL DISCUSS THIS IN THREE MONTHS.

IN THREE MONTHS, JOHN.

I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE LIKE QUID PRO QUO.

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE CARROT.

LEO, WHAT'S THE STICK?

IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS

WE WANT TO SEE RECON PHOTOS

OF INDIAN DIVISIONS RETREATING.

IF WE DON'T, WE'RE GOING TO SEIZE

INDIAN ASSETS IN THE U.S.

AND SO WILL OUR NATO ALLIES

AND G-7'S GOING TO CALL IN ITS LOANS.

THEY PUT COMMAND-CONTROL IN THE FIELD AGAIN, JOHN

AND WE'RE GOING TO GET PHYSICAL.

YOU MAKE DAMN SURE THEY KNOW THAT.

WELL, THEN, UH, I HAVE MY INSTRUCTIONS.

TALK TO THE AMBASSADOR.

I WANT FITZWALLACE TO HAVE PHOTOS

IN 24 HOURS.

YES, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT?

YES, CHARLIE.

TOBY'S HERE.

TOBY, COME IN PLEASE.

I'M GOING BACK TO THE OFFICE.

LET'S HOPE.

HEY, TOBY.

LEO.

HOW YOU FEELING, MR. PRESIDENT?

MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.

GOOD.

YOU KNOW, I WAS WATCHING A TELEVISION PROGRAM BEFORE

WITH A SORT OF A ROVING MODERATOR WHO SPOKE

TO A SEATED PANEL OF YOUNG WOMEN

WHO WERE HAVING SOME SORT OF PROBLEM WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS

APPARENTLY BECAUSE THE BOYFRIENDS HAD ALL SLEPT

WITH THE GIRLFRIENDS' MOTHERS.

THEN THEY BROUGHT THE BOYFRIENDS OUT, AND THEY ALL FOUGHT

RIGHT THERE ON TELEVISION.

TOBY, TELL ME

THESE PEOPLE DON'T VOTE, DO THEY?

I WOULDN'T THINK SO, NO, SIR.

EXCUSE ME

MR. PRESIDENT.

WHAT DO YOU NEED, JOSH?

I ASKED JOSH TO JOIN ME HERE, SIR.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

"THE ERA OF BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER."

YOU WANT TO CUT THE LINE?

I WANT TO CHANGE THE SENTIMENT.

WE'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM OURSELVES

AND I KNOW WE CAN SCORE POINTS THAT WAY.

I WAS THE PRINCIPLE ARCHITECT OF THAT CAMPAIGN STRATEGY

RIGHT ALONG WITH YOU, JOSH.

BUT WE'RE HERE NOW.

TOMORROW NIGHT, WE DO AN IMMENSE THING.

WE HAVE TO SAY WHAT WE FEEL.

THAT GOVERNMENT, NO MATTER WHAT ITS FAILURES IN THE PAST

AND IN TIMES TO COME, FOR THAT MATTER

GOVERNMENT CAN BE A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE COME TOGETHER

AND WHERE NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND.

NO ONE...

GETS LEFT BEHIND.

AN INSTRUMENT OF... GOOD.

I HAVE NO TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHY THE LINE TESTED WELL, JOSH

BUT I DON'T THINK THAT MEANS

WE SHOULD SAY IT.

I THINK THAT MEANS WE SHOULD... CHANGE IT.

I THINK SO, TOO.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOSH?

I MAKE IT A POINT NEVER TO DISAGREE WITH TOBY

WHEN HE'S RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT.

THEN YOU AND SAM GET YOUR PEOPLE TOGETHER AND GET TO WORK.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU.

( sing-songy ): YOU'RE JEALOUS 'CAUSE DANNY WAS FLIRTING

WITH MANDY.

WHEN DID I SAY THAT?

I READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

THERE ARE NO LINES.

C.J., IT CAN BE PRETTY CONFUSING SOMETIMES.

I'M AT THIS PLACE WITH MALLORY

WHERE I DON'T KNOW IF SHE LIKES ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S INDIFFERENT ALTOGETHER.

I JUST WISH SHE'D GET PAST IT

SO WE CAN MOVE ON.

SAM, DID YOU WRITE THIS STATEMENT DEFENDING MY FATHER?

UH, YES.

WELL, NOW I'M EVEN MORE CONFUSED.

Josh: YES.

THOUGH I'VE GOT TO SAY, I'M ENJOYING BEING A WRITER.

YES.

CAROL, IS DANNY CONCANON IN THE PRESS ROOM?

YEAH.

WOULD YOU HAVE HIM COME TO MY OFFICE, PLEASE?

Abbey: I WANT TO TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE

ONE LAST TIME.

ABBEY...

I WANT TO TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE.

YOU'VE TAKEN IT 14 TIMES IN THE LAST THREE HOURS.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT AGAIN.

MM, FINE. AT LEAST NOT WITH A THERMOMETER.

OH, JED.

IF YOU WANT TO TAKE IT RECREATIONALLY...

OH, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?

YES. I DO.

WHY IS "HALLOWED" SPELLED WITH A POUND SIGN IN THE MIDDLE?

I STOPPED ASKING THOSE QUESTIONS.

( knock at door )

YES?

IT'S C.J.

OKAY.

CAN I COME IN?

C.J., THIS IS YOUR OFFICE.

RIGHT.

( clears throat )

HELLO.

HELLO.

SO... YOU HAVE ASKED ME OUT MANY TIMES.

I HAVE SAID NO.

YOU SAID YES ONCE.

THAT WAS A BUSINESS DINNER.

OKAY.

NONETHELESS

I DO SEEM TO HAVE A PREOCCUPATION--

UM, SORT OF GIRLISH, I SUPPOSE, THING...

MM-HMM.

...WHICH, UM...

AND PLEASE DON'T BE, IN ANY WAY

MISLED BY ANYTHING...

IN FACT, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY...

C.J., I'M SUPPOSED

TO WRITE ABOUT THE SPEECH TONIGHT.

MY PAPER'S GOING TO WANT ME TO, YOU KNOW, SEE IT.

SO, IF THERE'S ANYWAY YOU COULD MOVE THIS ALONG...

I THOUGHT WHAT I'D DO IS KISS YOU

YOU KNOW, ON THE MOUTH, AND THEN

I'D JUST GET PAST IT.

I'D JUST GET PAST IT

AND THEN I'D BE ABLE TO GIVE MY WORK

THE KIND OF CONCENTRATION IT REALLY DESERVES.

OKAY.

HOW'S RIGHT HERE?

THAT'S FINE.

BE CAREFUL OF THE FISH.

SURE.

NO. I'M SAYING 'CAUSE IF YOU ROCK AGAINST THE...

HOW'S THAT?

OH, GOOD.

PAST IT? YEAH.

GOOD. OKAY.

I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.

C.J.? YES.

TAKING THAT FISH WITH YOU?

NO.

( thumping )

WALKED INTO THAT DOOR THERE.

YES.

YOU SEE, YOU'RE TOO FIXED ON WESTERN MEDICINE.

UM, BAMBOO SAP

A GAMBIR TWIG...

AND A SHOT OF WHISKEY.

A SHOT OF WHISKEY, AND YOU'RE ALL SET.

HELLO. GOOD EVENING.

EVENING, MR. PRESIDENT.

OH, UH...

WELL, NOW, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN

THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH OF INDIAN TROOPS IN RETREAT

AND SO IS THAT, AND SO IS...

THIS.

THANK YOU, JOHN.

WELL, I'M ON A PLANE TO GO AND SEE RIKKI IN AN HOUR.

STILL MANY THINGS TO SETTLE.

GODSPEED, YOUR LORDSHIP.

THANK YOU, SIR.

ABIGAIL!

( chuckling )

GOOD LUCK, JOHN.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, TOO, LEO.

THANK YOU.

I AM OFF!

( laughing )

FRIENDS, LET ME HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

A LOT OF TIME

ENERGY, PASSION, WIT, SKILL AND TALENT

WENT INTO DRAFTING THIS

AND WHILE YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW IT

FROM MY PERFORMANCE LATER, IT IS AN EXTRAORDINARY SPEECH

AND I SAY THEE

YEA, TOBY ZIEGLER

AND I SAY THEE

YEA, SAM SEABORN!

SIR, THE MOTORCADE'S READY

AND THE AGRICULTURAL SECRETARY IS IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

President: THANKS.

ROGER.

GOOD EVENING, MR. PRESIDENT.

ROGER, I'M SORRY YOU DREW THE SHORT STRAW ON THIS.

WE'LL MISS YOU TONIGHT.

NEXT YEAR IT'LL BE THE SURGEON GENERAL, I PROMISE.

MEANWHILE, YOU CAN WATCH ON TV IN MY STUDY.

THANK YOU, SIR.

UM, I BROUGHT YOU A GIFT.

OH, THANK YOU.

I KNOW OF YOUR LOVE OF ALL THINGS ANCIENT

AND I CAME ACROSS THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME

TO TRANSLATE OUR CONSTITUTION

INTO LATIN.

I THINK IT WAS A HIGH SCHOOL PROJECT, ACTUALLY

AND, UH, IT GOT PUBLISHED.

OH, THIS IS MAGNIFICENT.

I HIGHLIGHTED

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN APPROPRIATE PASSAGE

FROM THE EXECUTIVE POWER SECTION.

CAN YOU TRANSLATE?

"HE SHALL, FROM TIME TO TIME, GIVE TO THE CONGRESS

"INFORMATION OF THE STATE OF THE UNION

"AND RECOMMEND TO THEIR CONSIDERATION

SUCH MEASURES AS HE SHALL JUDGE NECESSARY AND EXPEDIENT."

SOUNDS RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY, SIR.

THANKS, ROGER.

KNOCK 'EM DEAD, SIR.

OH, ROGER.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENED, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, RIGHT?

I HONESTLY HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT, SIR.

FIRST THING ALWAYS IS NATIONAL SECURITY.

GET YOUR COMMANDERS TOGETHER

APPOINT JOINT CHIEFS, APPOINT A CHAIRMAN

TAKE US TO DEFCON FOUR.

HAVE THE GOVERNOR SEND EMERGENCY DELEGATES TO WASHINGTON.

THE ASSISTANT ATTORNEY GENERAL IS GOING TO BE THE ACTING A.G.

IF HE TELLS YOU HE WANTS TO BRING OUT THE NATIONAL GUARD

DO WHAT HE TELLS YOU.

YOU GOT A BEST FRIEND?

YES, SIR.

IS HE SMARTER THAN YOU?

YES, SIR.

WOULD YOU TRUST HIM WITH YOUR LIFE?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S YOUR CHIEF OF STAFF.

OH.

IN THE RESIDENCE, ON THE SECOND FLOOR

THE BATHROOM AT THE END OF THE HALL

YOU HAVE TO JIGGLE THE HANDLE

ON THE TOILET, OR IT'LL...

MR. PRESIDENT?

I GOT TO GO.

YOU'LL DO FINE.

PEOPLE HAVE PHENOMENAL CAPACITY.

YES, SIR.