Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON THE WEST WING:

THERE ARE TWO THINGS IN THE WORLD

YOU NEVER WANT TO LET PEOPLE SEE

HOW YOU MAKE THEM: LAWS AND SAUSAGES.

I'M VOTING NO, LEO.

IT'S ALL WE COULD GET RIGHT NOW AND YOU KNOW IT.

YOU DIDN'T WORK HARD ENOUGH.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME PROTECT YOU

AND YOU HAVE TO LET ME PROTECT THE PRESIDENT.

PRESIDENT BARTLET'S A GOOD MAN. HE DOESN'T

HOLD A GRUDGE. THAT'S WHAT HE PAYS ME FOR.

THERE'S LITERALLY NO ONE IN THE WORLD THAT I DON'T HATE.

President: YOUR MOTHER WAS MURDERED WITH A WESTERN .38 REVOLVER.

NOW, WE HAVE NOT HAD A WHOLE LOT OF SUCCESS YET

HAVING THAT WEAPON AND THOSE BULLETS BANNED.

YOU WANT TO COME HELP US OUT?

YES, SIR, I DO.

Man: OH, MAN, I'M SORRY.

Man: OH, YEAH!

THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT NOW.

Toby: GAME POINT.

YOU LOOK A LITTLE WINDED.

I'M FINE.

MAYBE SIT OUT FOR A MINUTE, SIR.

WHY?

PEOPLE WILL BE UPSET WHEN THEY FIND OUT

WE KILLED THE PRESIDENT.

Josh: SIT DOWN, SIR.

ALRIGHT, GAME POINT.

Sam: SIR... LET'S GO.

I'M PLAYING.

Toby: THERE'S NO SHAME

IN CALLING IT QUITS.

JUST SAY, "TOBY, YOU'RE THE SUPERIOR ATHLETE"

AND SLINK ON OFF THE COURT.

TAKE THE BALL OUT, TOBY.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO KEEP PLAYING?

TAKE THE BALL OUT. LET'S GO.

THIS IS PERFECT, YOU KNOW THAT?

THIS IS A PERFECT METAPHOR.

AFTER YOU'RE GONE AND THE POETS WRITE

"THE LEGEND OF JOSIAH BARTLET"

LET THEM WRITE YOU AS A TRAGIC FIGURE, SIR.

LET THE POETS WRITE THAT HE HAD

THE TOOLS FOR GREATNESS

BUT THE VOICES OF HIS BETTER ANGELS WERE SHOUTED DOWN

BY HIS OBSESSIVE NEED TO WIN.

YOU WANT TO PLAY OR WRITE MY EULOGY?

CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU, SIR?

MR. GRANT!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHO'S THIS?

I'M MAKING A SUBSTITUTION.

Josh: WHO IS THIS GUY?

MR. GRANT'S A NEW MEMBER OF MY TEAM.

A RINGER PERHAPS?

MR. GRANT IS A FEDERAL EMPLOYEE.

YOU KNOW THE THING ABOUT YOU

ISN'T SO MUCH THAT YOU CHEAT

IT'S HOW BRAZENLY BAD YOU ARE AT IT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

HE'S GOT A POINT THERE, SIR.

WHEN HAVE I EVER CHEATED?

IN FLORIDA, PLAYING MIXED DOUBLES

WITH ME AND C.J. YOU TRIED TO TELL US

THAT YOUR PARTNER WORKED AT THE AMERICAN CONSULATE...

AND SHE DID.

IT WAS STEFFI GRAF, SIR.

I WILL ADMIT THAT THE WOMAN

BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE...

IT WAS STEFFI GRAF, YOU CRAZY LUNATIC!

YOU THINK I'M NOT GOING TO RECOGNIZE STEFFI GRAF

WHEN SHE'S SERVING A TENNIS BALL AT ME?

STEFFI GRAF'S WON A FEW CHAMPIONSHIP'S, SIR.

WE'VE HAD MANY OPPORTUNITIES

TO SEE PHOTOGRAPHS.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, TOBY ZIEGLER, JOSH LYMAN, CHARLIE YOUNG

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE MR. RODNEY GRANT.

MR. GRANT IS ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR

OF THE PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL ON PHYSICAL FITNESS.

GAME POINT, YOUR BALL, LET'S GO!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NOT SO FAST.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

MR. GRANT, YOUR NAME

SOUNDS AWFULLY FAMILIAR.

BEFORE YOU JOINED UP

WITH THE PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL ON PHYSICAL FITNESS

A COUNCIL, I MIGHT ADD

THE PRESIDENT WOULD DO WELL TO AVAIL HIMSELF OF

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU PLAYED SOME ORGANIZED BALL?

YEAH, I USED TO PLAY A LITTLE WITH MY FRIENDS.

AND WHERE WAS THAT?

I'M SORRY?

WHERE WOULD THAT BE?

DUKE.

( laughing )

THIS GUY WAS IN THE FINAL FOUR!

TAKE THE BALL OUT.

GAME POINT. LET'S GO.

THE NEW MAN. I'M TAKING YOU

TO THE HOLE.

YOU GOT IT!

LET THE POETS WRITE ABOUT THAT THERE, BYRON.

CHARLIE, GUARD THE NEW GUY.

YOU HAVE A STAFF MEETING.

THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU.

YES, BUT YOU SEE

THAT'S OBVIOUSLY WHERE I'M GOING

AND YET YOU TELL ME ANYWAY.

AND YOU DON'T FIND THAT ADORABLE?

THAT YOU SEEK TO CONTROL ME?

YEAH. LOVE IT.

DONALD HASN'T CALLED ME YET.

WHO'S DONALD?

DONALD. YES.

FROM THE THING?

RIGHT. CAN WE CLEAR UP A FEW THINGS

ABOUT MY LEVEL OF INTEREST

IN THE REVOLVING DOOR OF LOCAL GOMERS THAT YOU SEE

IN THE FREE TIME YOU CREATE BY NOT WORKING VERY HARD

AT YOUR JOB? EXCUSE ME?

YOU WORK HARD AT YOUR JOB.

HOW HARD? VERY HARD.

AND I AM?

NOT AT ALL CONTROLLING.

THANK YOU. YOU HAVE A STAFF MEETING.

ON MY WAY.

WAIT. THERE'S ANOTHER THING.

WHAT?

HANG ON. DONNA!

HANG ON. HERE IT IS.

LEO WANTS YOU TO MEET SOMEONE NAMED LACEY

FROM THE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL

IN HIS OFFICE AFTER STAFF.

THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS IS THE WHITE HOUSE

SO IT'S PROBABLY NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

JOSH. MA'AM?

THERE'S AN ARTICLE I WANT YOU TO READ

IN THE NEW YORKER.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

SMALLPOX. THE DISEASE?

NO, THE DESSERT TOPPING, JOSH.

YES, THE DISEASE.

Margaret: WE DO IT ON THE

FIRST OF EVERY MONTH.

Cathy: WE'VE MISSED A FEW MONTHS.

BUT, GENERALLY SPEAKING, WE TRY TO DO IT

ON THE FIRST OF EVERY MONTH.

WE'VE DONE IT TWICE IN TWELVE MONTHS.

WE'RE A LITTLE BEHIND.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S "THROW OPEN OUR OFFICE DOORS

"TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DISCUSS THINGS

THAT WE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT" DAY.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOFY, DOESN'T IT?

IT'S NOT SO BAD. YOU TALK TO THEM FOR A MINUTE

GIVE THEM A PEN WITH THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL ON IT.

THIS ISN'T A WASTE OF TIME?

OH, IT'S DEFINITELY A WASTE OF TIME

BUT IT'S ONE OF LEO'S PET OFFICE POLICIES.

WHY? Leo: GOOD MORNING.

SADLY, YOU'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

ANDREW JACKSON IN THE MAIN FOYER OF HIS WHITE HOUSE

HAD A BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE.

HUH.

( snickers )

I AM MAKING A MENTAL LIST

OF THOSE WHO ARE SNICKERING

AND EVEN AS I SPEAK

I AM PREPARING APPROPRIATE RETRIBUTION.

THE BLOCK OF CHEESE WAS HUGE-- OVER TWO TONS

AND IT WAS THERE FOR ANY AND ALL WHO MIGHT BE HUNGRY.

LEO, WOULDN'T THIS TIME BE BETTER SPENT

PLOTTING A WAR AGAINST A COUNTRY

THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY DEFEND ITSELF AGAINST US?

WE CAN DO THAT LATER, TOBY.

RIGHT NOW, I'M TALKING ABOUT PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON.

ACTUALLY, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A BLOCK OF CHEESE.

AND SAM GOES ON MY LIST.

WHAT ABOUT TOBY?

I'M UNPREDICTABLE.

JACKSON WANTED THE WHITE HOUSE TO BELONG TO THE PEOPLE

SO FROM TIME TO TIME, HE OPENED HIS DOORS

TO THOSE WHO WISHED AN AUDIENCE.

AND THEN HE LOCKED THE DOORS BEHIND THEM

AND MADE THEM EAT TWO TONS OF CHEESE.

IT IS IN THAT SPIRIT...

HANG ON. MANDY DOESN'T GO ON THE LIST?

MANDY'S NEW.

SO IT'S JUST ME ON THE LIST?

YES. IT IS IN THE SPIRIT OF ANDREW JACKSON

THAT I FROM TIME TO TIME ASK SENIOR STAFF

TO HAVE FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGS

WITH THOSE PEOPLE REPRESENTING ORGANIZATIONS

WHO HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME GETTING OUR ATTENTION.

I KNOW THE MORE JADED AMONG YOU

SEE THIS AS SOMETHING

RATHER BENEATH YOU, BUT I ASSURE YOU

THAT LISTENING TO THE VOICES OF PASSIONATE AMERICANS

IS BENEATH NO ONE

AND SURELY NOT THE PEOPLES' SERVANTS.

IS IT "TOTAL CRACKPOT DAY" AGAIN?

YES, IT IS.

AND LET US PLEASE NOTE

THAT JOSH DOES NOT GO ON THE LIST.

YOU'VE GOT A THING RIGHT NOW.

DONNA TOLD ME.

MARGARET, HAND OUT THOSE APPOINTMENTS, WOULD YOU?

Josh: WHAT'S UP?

FIRST OF ALL... OW!

THAT'S FOR "TOTAL CRACKPOT DAY."

YEAH, YEAH.

SECOND OF ALL, THIS IS JONATHAN LACEY.

JOSH LYMAN.

GOOD TO MEET YOU.

MR. McGARRY, WOULD YOU MIND? THANKS.

I ONLY HAVE A FEW MOMENTS.

I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, TOO.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I'D LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS CARD

ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES.

IF YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR WALLET

AND YOU LOSE YOUR WALLET

YOUR FIRST CALL ISN'T TO AMERICAN EXPRESS

IT'S TO US. WHO'S US?

I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.

I'M WITH THE N.S.C.

THEY TOLD ME THAT.

I MEANT, WHAT'S THE CARD DO?

TELLS YOU WHERE TO GO

IN THE EVENT OF A NUCLEAR ATTACK.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

OBVIOUSLY, WE WANT TO GET EVERYONE UP ON AIR FORCE ONE

OR INTO ONE OF THE UNDERGROUND COMMAND CENTERS

AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

SURE, WELL, UM...

OKAY. I REALLY...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I GUESS THAT'S IT THEN?

SHOULD YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS

YOU SHOULD FEEL FREE TO CALL.

SURE. SURE.

AND MY STAFF GOES WITH ME OR DO THEY HAVE SEPARATE...?

OH, GOD!

SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST GOT IT. SORRY. OKAY. SURE.

I'M JUST GOING TO STICK THIS RIGHT HERE

RIGHT NEXT TO MY VIDEO CLUB MEMBERSHIP

AND THERE'S NO REASON, I GUESS

WHY MY STAFF EVER HAS TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

SO THERE IT IS.

AND I THINK THE BEST THING TO DO IS FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

I'LL GO NOW.

"COUPLED WITH THE INCREASINGLY TIGHT LABOR MARKET

"HAVE SPARKED A GROWING CONCERN OVER FUTURE INFLATION.

DO YOU SHARE THAT CONCERN, SIR?"

NO, HELEN, I DON'T.

THE U.S. ECONOMY IS FUNDAMENTALLY...

AH!

I WASN'T HELEN THERE, SIR.

ACTUALLY, I WAS SANDY KING.

FROM THE MIAMI HERALD?

SHE MOVED TO THE SUN-TIMES.

YOUR VOICE SOUNDED THE SAME AS WHEN YOU DID HELEN.

"DO YOU SHARE THAT CONCERN, SIR?"

NO, NOT AT ALL.

THE U.S. ECONOMY REMAINS FUNDAMENTALLY STRONG

AS THE STEADY DECLINE IN UNEMPLOYMENT REFLECTS

WHICH I THINK IS CAUSE FOR SATISFACTION, NOT GLOOM.

THE SOLITARY ABERRANT SPIKE IN THE P.P.I. IS

NOT CAUSE FOR OVERREACTION.

YOU MIGHT ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT

THAT THERE'S BEEN

NO CORRESPONDING INCREASE IN WHOLESALE PRICES.

IF YOU COULD FURTHER SEE CLEAR

TO NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION LIKE AN ECONOMICS PROFESSOR

WITH A BIG OL' STICK UP HIS BUTT

THAT WOULD BE GOOD, TOO.

I AM AN ECONOMICS PROFESSOR

WITH A BIG OL' STICK UP MY BUTT

BUT I'LL DO MY BEST FOR YOU THERE, MANDY.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THAT'S IT FOR THE ECONOMY.

LET'S MOVE TO GUNS.

WE DON'T NEED TO DO GUNS.

SIR, THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY GOING TO ASK ABOUT GUNS.

I'M NOT SAYING THEY'RE NOT, TOBY.

I'M SAYING I'M ALL SET.

HOW ABOUT ONE OR TWO QUESTIONS?

IS IT TIME FOR MY 10:00 A.M. SCOLDING?

ARE WE GOING TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN?

MR. PRESIDENT?

LET'S DO GUNS.

LET'S DO GUNS, SAM. SIR...

"MR. PRESIDENT, IS THERE ANY REASON TO BELIEVE

"THIS VICTORY, THIS WEAPONS BAN BILL WILL HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT

REDUCTION IN CRIME?"

YES. NEXT QUESTION.

MR. PRESIDENT.

AH, MR. ZIEGLER

FROM THE CONEY ISLAND KILLJOY.

YOU HAVE A FOLLOW-UP?

WE'RE LUCKY ENOUGH

TO GET THAT QUESTION

YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW IT OFF?

YES.

DUE RESPECT, SIR, MAY I ASK WHY?

'CAUSE I'M WEAK-WILLED AND STUPID.

LET'S DO THIS ANOTHER TIME.

FOUR DAYS AGO, WE TALKED THIS OVER.

AND THEN I TALKED IT OVER WITH SOME OTHER PEOPLE.

WHICH PEOPLE?

I HAVE LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE.

SIR, I BELIEVE WE ARE MISSING A HUGE OPPORTUNITY HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HMM?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE'RE DOING THE THING.

WHY AREN'T YOU IN THERE?

I WAS JUST GOING IN.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. LANDINGHAM.

WHERE ARE WE IN THE SAGA OF TOBY AND THE PRESIDENT?

THEY SEEM TO BE HAVING A DISAGREEMENT.

A DISAGREEMENT OR A FIGHT?

IT CERTAINLY HAS THE POTENTIAL...

Bartlet: OH, FOR GOD SAKES, TOBY!

THERE WE GO.

LET'S GO IN.

JOSH?

HMM?

LET'S GO IN.

Bartlet: I WON'T COME OUT AND SAY

THE BILL WE JUST PASSED IS WORTHLESS.

IF WE CAN JUST ADMIT ITS WEAKNESSES, WHY NOT?

TOBY, IT'LL INFURIATE THE LEFT

IT'LL ENERGIZE THE RIGHT

AND EVERYONE IN THE MIDDLE

WILL FEEL LIKE THEY JUST GOT YANKED AROUND.

I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT, DID YOU WANT TO ANSWER THAT?

I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE I SAID SO"

BUT THAT WAS GOOD.

TO SAY NOTHING OF TAKING A VICTORY AND DECLARING DEFEAT.

YES.

BY CHANGING SOME WORDS...

BY CHANGING SOME WORDS

THE WORLD CAN MOVE OR NOT BY CHANGING SOME WORDS.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

I HAVE MANY POINTS.

I CHOOSE NOT TO MAKE THEM NOW.

WELL, ON BEHALF OF EVERYBODY

IN THE WEST WING, TOBY

LET ME JUST SAY THAT THAT'S A RELIEF.

EXCUSE ME, LEO.

YES?

CATHY TELLS ME MY FIRST CHEESE APPOINTMENT IS HERE

BUT PREPARING FOR THIS PRESS CONFERENCE

SHOULD BE A PRIORITY.

I AGREE.

NO.

LEO, IT... NO!

YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS. BUT I REALLY NEED...

THIS IS IMPORTANT.

THIS IS A THOROUGHLY UNIMPORTANT PRESS CONFERENCE.

THIS PRESS CONFERENCE IS ABOUT OUR FUTURE.

I THINK THIS PRESS CONFERENCE

IS ABOUT WE HAVEN'T HAD ONE IN A WHILE.

SAM, GO.

MR. PRESIDENT?

WE'RE GOING, TOO.

WE'LL PICK THIS UP THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU ARE FROM UNITED STATES SPACE COMMAND.

YEAH. NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT US.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

WE'RE A LITTLE NERDY, I'LL ADMIT.

YOU CAMOUFLAGE IT WELL WITH YOUR CLOTHING.

I'M USED TO THAT, SAM.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

IN A NUTSHELL?

SO TO SPEAK.

WE'D LIKE THE WHITE HOUSE

TO PAY A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO UFOs.

ARE WE PAYING ANY ATTENTION AT ALRIGHT NOW?

NO.

THANK GOD.

LIKE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE

WITH THE FIRST LADY AND HER OUIJA BOARD.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SHOW THE PRESIDENT

SOME DATA WE'VE COLLECTED

ON SOME POSSIBLE EXTRATERRESTRIAL CONTACT.

I REALLY CAN'T DO THAT.

MAY I ASK WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT WILL EITHER YELL AT ME

OR LAUGH AT ME.

EITHER WAY, IT WON'T WORK OUT WELL FOR ME.

THIS MORNING, AT 6:35 A.M. LOCAL TIME

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL IN HONOLULU

PICKED UP AN UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT

FLYING EAST ACROSS THE PACIFIC

TOWARDS CALIFORNIA.

AIR FORCE AND NAVY JETS

HAVE BEEN IN THE AREA FOR HOURS

AND HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO ESTABLISH VISUAL CONTACT.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN AND GO UNEXPLAINED.

YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS SOMETHING

YOU SHOULD TAKE TO THE PRESIDENT?

NO.

AGAIN, I ASK WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THERE ARE LEVELS

AND AN ORDER TO OUR AIR DEFENSE COMMAND

AND TO JUMP FROM A RADAR OFFICER TO THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF

WOULD SKIP SEVERAL OF THOSE LEVELS.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE THE PENTAGON AND...

YOU KNOW, PERHAPS, THERAPY.

OKAY, I CAN SEE THAT...

BOB, NO HARD FEELINGS

BUT I CAN'T WALK INTO THE CABINET ROOM

AND ASK THE PRESIDENT

TO PUT DOWN THE BUDGET SURPLUS

BECAUSE THERE ARE FLYING SAUCERS OVER MAUI.

SOMETHING'S HEADING EAST

IN THE SKY OVER THE PACIFIC.

IT'S IN AND OUT OF OUR RADAR.

WE CAN'T SEE IT

AND IT'S UP THERE RIGHT NOW.

I LEAVE YOU WITH THAT THOUGHT.

IT'S BEEN GOOD MEETING WITH YOU

AND I HOPE THAT YOU DON'T FEEL

THAT YOU'VE WASTED YOUR TIME.

I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS PEN.

I KNOW THE PRESIDENT IS NOT WILD

ABOUT LARRY POSNER'S FUND-RAISER ON THE CALIFORNIA TRIP

BUT I THINK WE CAN'T PASS

AND I WANT TO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WERE ON THIS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME

ON HOLLYWOOD FUND-RAISERS.

YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT TOBY.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M SHORING UP SUPPORT.

I'M IN.

THEY SENT PICTURES OF THE MALIBU PLACE.

IT'S GREAT.

THIS WASN'T THE ONE WE USED DURING THE PRIMARY?

NO, HE BOUGHT ANOTHER PLACE.

WHERE WAS THE ONE WHERE ROBERTO BENIGNI

PUSHED ME INTO THE SWIMMING POOL?

THAT'S LARRY POSNER'S HOUSE

BUT THAT WAS THE OLD PLACE.

C.J.--

IF IT GETS A VOTE, THEN ISN'T IT WORTH IT?

WHICH WOULD BE FINE

IF ROBERTO BENIGNI COULD VOTE IN OUR ELECTIONS

BUT SINCE HE'S ITALIAN

THAT MAKES ME A SIX-FOOT WET GIRL IN A DONNA KARAN DRESS.

I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM WHO ISN'T AN ECONOMIST

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME

THAT THE ANNUAL BUDGET FOR THE NEW FISCAL YEAR

IS FOUND EITHER IN BALANCE, IN DEFICIT OR IN SURPLUS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN SELL CONGRESS

TO SAY NOTHING OF PEOPLE WHO GRADUATED EIGHTH GRADE

ON THE IDEA THAT THERE'S ANYTHING IN BETWEEN.

LEO'S NOT TALKING ABOUT

THE PORTION BEING ACCOUNTED FOR AS OFF-BUDGET

AND PARTICULARLY NOT THE LONG-TERM CAPITAL OUTLAYS.

HERE'S WHERE YOU LOSE ME.

TEN YEARS AGO, THE FEDERAL BUDGET

HAD A DEFICIT OF $22 BILLION

BUT THE NATIONAL DEBT ROSE FROM $5.2 TRILLION

TO $5.4 TRILLION IN THE SAME FISCAL YEAR.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S A DEBT INCREASE OF $188 BILLION

AGAINST A $22 BILLION DEFICIT.

OH, THIS IS GOOD NEWS.

YOU KNEW THOSE NUMBERS IN YOUR HEAD?

THE PRESIDENT'S STARTLINGLY FREAKISH THAT WAY.

ZOEY'S COMING FOR DINNER.

SHE'S IN TOWN.

MY DAUGHTER'S STARTING GEORGETOWN AFTER THE FIRST

AND SHE'S SCOUTING OFF-CAMPUS HOUSING.

GUYS, WE'RE DONE.

I'M SORRY, BUT SOME OF MY STAFF HAS BEEN WAITING

AND THEY HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO BOTHER ME FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

THANKS SO MUCH.

President: I'M MAKING CHILI.

Leo: YES?

I'LL MAKE IT FOR EVERYBODY. CHARLIE!

SIR?

MY FRIENDS, MY DAUGHTER

MY BEER AND SOME CHILI! YES!

YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO COOK THIS FOOD?

YES, SIR.

MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER ZOEY IS DOWN FROM HANOVER.

I'M MAKING CHILI TONIGHT. IT'S HER FAVORITE.

SIR, THE FIRST LADY DOES NOT WANT YOU...

SHE'S IN PAKISTAN. I'LL EAT WHAT I WANT.

YES, SIR.

I'LL NEED INGREDIENTS.

LIKE WHAT?

WELL, HE'LL NEED SOME CHILI.

DON'T EVER LISTEN TO HIM.

MRS. LANDINGHAM'S GOT IT ALL WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE.

JUST TELL HER TO GIVE IT TO THE STEWARD'S OFFICE.

OKAY.

SEND EVERYONE IN. YES, SIR.

THANK YOU, CHARLIE!

HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY REMEMBER

THAT TEN YEARS AGO

THERE WAS A $188 BILLION DEBT INCREASE

OFF A $22 BILLION DEFICIT?

GOD, I WAS RIGHT?

AH, SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

( laughing )

EVERYONE, COME IN.

COME ON IN.

HEY, LISTEN UP. EVERYBODY.

ZOEY'S DOWN FROM HANOVER.

I'M MAKING CHILI FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT.

OKAY.

AH.

GREAT. CHILI. GREAT.

ALRIGHT.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S DO THIS--

EVERYBODY LOOK DOWN AT THE BIG SEAL

IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CARPET.

EVERYBODY LOOK BACK UP AT ME.

ZOEY'S COMING DOWN FROM HANOVER

AND I'M MAKING CHILI FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT.

THAT'S GREAT!

I LOVE CHILI! TERRIFIC!

THERE, YOU SEE HOW BENEVOLENT I CAN BE

WHEN EVERYBODY JUST DOES WHAT I TELL THEM TO DO?

NOW, SIT DOWN.

I WOULD LIKE THIS MEETING TO LAST

NO MORE THAN THREE MINUTES.

I WILL ALLOW IT TO LAST

NO MORE THAN FIVE.

SPEAK, MANDY.

WE'RE GOING TO CALIFORNIA IN A FEW WEEKS.

YES.

LARRY POSNER WOULD LIKE TO HOST A FUND-RAISER.

NOPE.

WHY?

'CAUSE 24 HOURS EARLIER

THE PRESIDENT'S GOING TO GIVE A SPEECH

TO THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

ON VIOLENCE IN FILM AND TELEVISION.

WHICH I DON'T THINK HE SHOULD GIVE.

THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES ARE INCREDIBLY VIOLENT.

SO IS THE GODFATHER.

WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES

ARE INCREDIBLY BAD.

NO, ACTUALLY, WHAT I MEAN TO SAY

IS LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES

ARE INDICATIVE OF A HOLLYWOOD THAT IS EXCESSIVELY VIOLENT

ARROGANTLY VIOLENT

AND IS PROMOTING VIOLENCE

AND THE DISRESPECT TO HUMAN LIFE.

EITHER WAY, I DON'T SEE

HOW WE CAN ADMONISH HOLLYWOOD ON A TUESDAY

AND CASH THEIR CHECK ON A WEDNESDAY.

HOW CAN WE DO THAT?

'CAUSE IT'S HOLLYWOOD. WHO GIVES A DAMN?

NOW HANG ON A SECOND.

MR. PRESIDENT?

YOU HAVE ME DRAFTING A SPEECH

FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

WHERE WE MORE THAN SUGGEST

WE COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY

THAT MUCH OF THEIR PRODUCT IS CORRUPTIVE.

NOW ARE WE DOING THIS BECAUSE WE BELIEVE

THAT IT'S TIME FOR THEM TO TAKE MORAL LEADERSHIP SERIOUSLY

OR ARE WE DOING IT BECAUSE NOBODY

EVER LOST AN ELECTION ATTACKING HOLLYWOOD?

WHY CAN'T WE DO BOTH?

( sighing ): THAT'S NOT HYPOCRITICAL, SIR?

NO.

WHY NOT?

SAM IS RIGHT--

IT'S NOT THAT LARRY POSNER'S MOVIES

HAVE GRATUITOUS SEX AND GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE.

IT'S THAT THEY SUCK.

THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

BUT PEOPLE GO TO SEE THEM

BECAUSE THEY HAVE GRATUITOUS SEX AND GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE.

NOW, IF WE COULD JUST GET PEOPLE

TO STOP GOING TO SEE CRAPPY MOVIES

POSNER WOULD STOP MAKING THEM

I PROMISE YOU.

Toby: HOW'S THAT STRATEGY

WORKING IN THE WAR ON DRUGS, SIR?

TOBY...

WE ARE GOING TO GO OUT THERE

AND IMPLORE THESE PEOPLE

TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE

AND NOT BE QUITE SO CASUAL

WITH THE AWESOME INFLUENCE THAT THEY HAVE.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

BUT, SIR, EVERY TIME SOMEONE MAKES HEADLINES

BY BLOWING THUNDER AT THIS RIDICULOUS TARGET

IT ONLY SERVES AS A CRIMINAL DISTRACTION

IN THE PURSUIT OF ACTUAL SOLUTIONS.

NOW LET ME JUST SAY ONE OTHER THING--

IF I WERE AN ACTOR OR A WRITER OR A DIRECTOR

OR UH, UH, UH... A PRODUCER IN HOLLYWOOD

AND SOMEONE WERE TO START COMING AT ME

WITH LISTS OF THINGS THAT WERE AMERICAN AND UN-AMERICAN

I'D START TO THINK THAT THIS WAS SOUNDING EERILY FAMILIAR.

DO I LOOK LIKE JOE McCARTHY TO YOU, TOBY?

NO, SIR.

NOBODY EVER LOOKS LIKE JOE McCARTHY.

THAT'S HOW THEY GET IN THE DOOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WE SEEM TO HAVE WANDERED OFF THE POINT A BIT.

YEAH. AND TIME'S UP.

THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

CHILI TONIGHT.

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

'CAUSE YOU LOOK A LITTLE... YOU KNOW.

NAH. NAH.

HI, CATHY.

YOU KNOW THAT DOUGHNUT SITTING ON YOUR DESK?

YOU ATE IT.

BUT THAT WAS PREDICTABLE, WASN'T IT?

HEY, IS THERE ANY WORD YET ON THE...

THE THING'S STILL OUT THERE.

HAD A GUY IN MY OFFICE TODAY.

HE'D LIKE US TO SPEND A LITTLE MORE TIME WORKING ON UFOs.

WE SPENDING ANY TIME ON UFOs? THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

COMING ON THE HEELS OF MRS. BARTLET'S OUIJA BOARD...

I HEAR YOU.

I'M CLOSING THE DOOR.

THE CENTRAL PACIFIC COMMAND'S BEEN PICKING

THIS THING UP ON RADAR ALL DAY...

SAM... RIGHT.

LISTEN...

YOU'RE CLOSE WITH CATHY, RIGHT?

I HAVEN'T SEEN HER NAKED, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING.

NO, SAM, WELL... THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M ASKING.

I MEAN, SHE'S LIKE MY YOUNGER SISTER, BUT SHE GETS PAID AND...

RIGHT.

YES. AND SHE FRIGHTENS ME.

YEAH. BUT I LOVE HER.

IT'S LIKE YOU AND DONNA.

RIGHT.

WHEN THEY GAVE YOU THE CARD AND THEY TOLD YOU

THAT IT WAS JUST YOU AND NOT CATHY, HOW DID YOU...

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

WHEN THEY GAVE ME WHAT CARD?

THE N.S.C. GUY--

THE CARD WITH THE DIRECTIONS?

THE DIRECTIONS TO...

YOU, C.J., TOBY...

I-I-I'M SAYING WHEN THE N.S.C. GUY

GAVE YOU YOUR CARDS.

JOSH, WHAT... WHAT CARD?

NOTHING. UH...

I-I-I WAS THINKING OF A DIFFERENT...

NOTHING. NOTHING.

WHO'S PLUIE?

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

THAT'S PLUIE.

YES.

PLUIE'S A WOLF?

YEAH, SHE IS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME HER STORY?

JERRY.

FOR FOUR YEARS

SCIENTISTS HAVE TRACKED PLUIE

AS SHE MADE HER WAY

FROM BANFF NATIONAL PARK IN ALBERTA

UP AND DOWN THE ROCKIES.

IN THAT TIME, SHE'S MADE THREE ROUND TRIPS

BETWEEN CANADA AND WYOMING, COVERING 40,000 SQUARE MILES.

WE THINK YOU'LL ADMIT

IT WAS A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE PERFORMANCE FOR PLUIE

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THE IMPEDIMENTS OF MODERN LIFE SHE HAD TO CONQUER.

HIGHWAYS, HOUSING, FORESTS DENUDED OF TREES.

NOT TO MENTION THE U.S.-CANADIAN BORDER.

SURE, 'CAUSE NO PHOTO I.D.

I'M SORRY?

THAT WAS A JOKE.

WHY DOES PLUIE MAKE THE TREK?

BECAUSE WOLVES HAVE TO BREED WITH MANY PACKS

IN ORDER TO KEEP FROM BECOMING EXTINCT.

REALLY?

IF THEY BREED AMONG THEMSELVES

THEY'LL EVENTUALLY PRODUCE OFFSPRING

THAT'S GENETICALLY WEAKER

THUS ENDANGERING THEIR LONG-TERM SURVIVAL.

THAT HELPS EXPLAIN BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

MAY WE TELL YOU WHAT WE PROPOSE?

SURE.

THE WOLVES-ONLY ROADWAY.

THE WOLVES-ONLY ROADWAY?

1,800 MILES

FROM YELLOWSTONE TO THE YUKON TERRITORY

COMPLETE WITH HIGHWAY OVERPASSES

AND NO CATTLE GRAZING.

AN 1,800-MILE WOLVES-ONLY ROADWAY?

PLUIE, YOU'LL RECALL... HANG ON.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH WOLVES TO FOLLOW ROAD SIGNS?

OUR SCIENTISTS ARE WORKING ON A PLAN.

IN THE MEANTIME, PLUIE'S GOING TO GET DRUNK

WANDER OFF THE WOLVES-ONLY ROAD AND END UP EATING MY CAT.

( scoffs ): WE DON'T THINK THAT'LL HAPPEN.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

PERHAPS WE...

FIRST OF ALL

RANCHERS DON'T WANT WOLVES

RETURNED TO THE WEST.

RANCHERS ARE KILLERS.

NO, THEY'RE NOT

AND ANYONE WHO SAYS IT SHOULD TAKE IT BACK.

RANCHERS FACE THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS--

FALLING STOCK PRICES, RISING TAXES, PROLONGED DROUGHT

AND A, AND A COUNTRY THAT'S EATING LESS BEEF.

RANCHERS WANT TO BLAME SOMETHING

AND BECAUSE THEY'RE RANCHERS, THEY WANT TO FIGHT SOMETHING.

I'D RATHER IT BE A WOLF THAN US

SO UNLESS PLUIE REGISTERS TO VOTE...

PLUIE WAS SHOT AND KILLED

BY A RANCHER IN BRITISH COLUMBIA LAST MONTH.

I'M...

SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

I'M NOT SURE YOU ARE.

( throat clearing )

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST?

THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART.

WITH CONTRIBUTIONS AND CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP

THE COST TO THE TAXPAYER IS ONLY $900 MILLION.

NO, SERIOUSLY... HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST?

C.J., IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS, WHY NOT DO IT RIGHT?

WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT.

WELL, SURE, THERE ARE OTHER THINGS

WE COULD SPEND THE MONEY ON.

YOU THINK?

I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK.

WHAT'S A BETTER WAY TO SPEND

THIS MONEY?

$900 MILLION?

ANOTHER WAR PLANE?

ANOTHER S&L BAILOUT?

HOW ABOUT WE BUILD THE NINE BEST SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD?

LET'S... LET'S MOVE ON TO THE GRIZZLY BEAR.

( knocking )

HI.

HI.

CAN I TALK TO YOU?

YOU GET HIM A SPOT ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES?

POSNER'S A HUGE SUPPORTER, TOBY.

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT.

NO, YOU DON'T.

I CAME IN HERE

TO BE NICE TO YOU, TOBY.

GO AHEAD.

I DON'T LIKE GOING UP AGAINST YOU.

I DON'T LIKE GOING UP AGAINST YOU.

OKAY.

THAT'S YOU BEING NICE?

I'M GLAD DAVID ROSEN PASSED ON THE COMMUNICATIONS JOB.

THEY COULDN'T HAVE DONE BETTER THAN YOU.

EXCUSE ME?

I'M SAYING I THINK

YOU MAKE A BETTER COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR

THAN DAVID ROSEN EVER WOULD HAVE BEEN.

THAT'S ME BEING NICE.

Toby: REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO

WHEN I ASKED YOU IF I WAS

THE PRESIDENT'S FIRST CHOICE?

WE'RE BACK TO THIS?

AND YOU CALLED ME PARANOID.

YES.

AND A NUDNIK.

YOU CALLED ME A PARANOID NUDNIK.

TOBY, FOR THE 48th TIME

YOU WERE NOT THE PRESIDENT'S SECOND CHOICE.

WHAT ABOUT DAVID ROSEN?

WHAT ABOUT DAVID ROSEN?

MANDY WAS JUST IN MY OFFICE

AND SHE SAID SHE WAS HAPPY

DAVID ROSEN PASSED ON MY JOB.

CAROL, WE'RE GOING TO START IN A FEW MINUTES.

BRING 'EM IN?

GIVE 'EM FAIR WARNING.

DAVID ROSEN.

I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DAVID ROSEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM.

HE'S ABOUT TO HAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE.

HELP ME TALK TO HIM ABOUT THE GUN THING.

WE'LL LEAVE HOLLYWOOD FOR SOME OTHER TIME.

SINCE WHEN DO YOU NEED HELP

TALKING TO THE PRESIDENT?

SINCE I BECAME THE KID IN CLASS

THAT NOBODY WANTS THE TEACHER TO CALL ON.

THAT'S SILLY.

NO, IT IS NOT.

TOBY...

JUST HELP ME, PLEASE.

Josh: SO, LIKE I SAID

I-I APPRECIATE YOU SQUEEZING ME IN LIKE THIS.

I WAS ABLE TO CANCEL SOMEONE.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE, STANLEY.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

WHAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL?

I'M OUT OF PRACTICE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT COMES FROM NOT COMING TO SEE ME FOR TEN MONTHS.

WELL, I THINK THE IDEA WOULD MAKE

SOME OF THE PEOPLE I WORK FOR NERVOUS.

WHY ARE YOU HERE NOW?

HMM...

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SILLY.

THERE'S A MAGAZINE ARTICLE...

UH, A MAGAZINE ARTICLE CAME OUT

AND IT SAID THAT SEVERAL COUNTRIES

SOME OF THEM OUR ENEMIES

HAVE STORED IN FREEZERS THE SMALLPOX VIRUS.

ARE YOU AFRAID YOU MIGHT HAVE SMALLPOX?

NO.

DON'T LAUGH.

I CAN'T GET "AVE MARIA" OUT OF MY HEAD.

THE SCHUBERT?

YEAH, I SWEAR, I-I-I'VE BEEN HUMMING IT TO MYSELF

ALL MORNING.

IT'S THE STRANGEST THING.

WHY DO YOU THINK THE "AVE MARIA"?

WHY DO YOU THINK THE "AVE MARIA"?

I DON'T KNOW.

MY SISTER USED TO PLAY IT

OVER AND OVER IN HER ROOM, BUT THAT WAS, UM...

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS AGO.

YOUR SISTER WHO DIED?

JOANIE.

WHY DID JOANIE PLAY THE "AVE MARIA" IN HER ROOM?

SHE LIKED MUSIC. SHE...

A LOT.

SHE LIKED IT A LOT.

SHE WANTED TO BE AN ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR.

SHE USED TO PRETEND SHE WAS... CONDUCTING TO THE MUSIC.

ANYWAY, THERE'S THAT.

PLUS, I HAVE TO TELL YOU

I WAS A LITTLE THROWN OFF THIS MORNING

WHEN THEY GAVE ME THIS CARD

AND IT TURNS OUT, I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT ONE.

I MEAN, OF MY FRIENDS.

IT SURPRISED ME.

JOANIE AND TOBY AND C.J. AND SAM...

JOANIE?

WHAT?

YOU NAMED JOANIE IN THERE.

YOU SAID YOU GOT SOME KIND OF CARD

AND JOANIE DIDN'T GET ONE.

I MEANT... NO

'CAUSE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT JOANIE.

WHAT KIND OF CARD?

IT WAS, UH...

THERE REALLY ARE SOME THINGS

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT.

I-I ASSURE YOU I'M NOT

WITHHOLDING ANYTHING I'M SUPPOSED TO BE...

EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE FOR.

OKAY.

THANKS.

CAN YOU TALK ABOUT THE CARD

WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THE CARD?

I GOT TO GO.

JOSH.

IT'S REALLY NOT A BIG DEAL, STANLEY.

I'M SORRY I HAD YOU CANCEL AN APPOINTMENT.

BUT I DID CANCEL IT.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR COAT OFF AND SIT DOWN.

IT WAS AN IMPULSE.

I-I WASTED YOUR TIME.

JOSH, DO YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE

THAT YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ME HOW JOANIE DIED?

I'VE TOLD YOU.

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.

SURE, I HAVE.

NO.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

UH... SHE WAS BABY-SITTING FOR ME

AND THERE WAS A FIRE.

HOW'D THE FIRE START?

I-I HONESTLY, I DON'T REMEMBER.

UH...

SOMETHING ABOUT A POPCORN MAKER.

THE HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE?

YEAH.

WHILE YOUR SISTER JOANIE

WAS BABY-SITTING FOR YOU?

YEAH.

WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD?

I RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE.

YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE BOY, JOSH.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO.

YEAH.

( knocking )

( door opening )

JOSH.

I WAS KNOCKING, BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER.

I... DIDN'T HEAR THE DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I THINK I'M READY TO BRIEF THE PRESIDENT

ON THE SMALLPOX ARTICLE.

WHY DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT FOR TONIGHT

AND COME HAVE SOME CHILI?

EVERYONE'S THERE.

C.J., AN N.S.C. STAFFER GAVE ME

A CARD WITH INSTRUCTIONS ON IT

FOR WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE EVENT OF A NUCLEAR ATTACK.

THEY WANT ME UP IN THE PLANE OR DOWN IN A BUNKER.

THEY DON'T WANT YOU.

OR SAM OR TOBY, FOR THAT MATTER.

I-I DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU AND HAVE YOU NOT KNOW.

JOSH, HAVE YOU BEEN UPSET ABOUT THIS?

YES.

YOU'RE VERY SWEET SOMETIMES.

YOU REALLY ARE.

C.J.

OF COURSE THEY DON'T WANT ME, JOSH.

I'M A PRESS SECRETARY.

I DON'T THINK THEY'LL BE ISSUING A LOT OF RELEASES.

SAM AND TOBY ARE COMMUNICATIONS, AND MY GUESS IS

THAT SPEECHWRITING WON'T BE A PRIORITY EITHER.

COME. HAVE SOME FUN.

( Schubert's "Ave Maria" playing )

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF MUSIC.

DO YOU KNOW THIS?

I'M CATHOLIC.

HANG ON. LISTEN.

THAT... RIGHT THERE.

IT'S... MIRACULOUS.

SCHUBERT WAS CRAZY, YOU KNOW.

YES.

THINK YOU HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO CREATE SOMETHING POWERFUL?

JOSH, THE COLD WAR IS OVER.

THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE A NUCLEAR...

GOD, C.J. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE RED PHONE AND...

NUCLEAR BOMBS.

WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?

IT'S GOING TO BE THIS.

IT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

SMALLPOX HAS BEEN GONE FOR 50 YEARS.

NO ONE HAS AN ACQUIRED IMMUNITY.

IT FLIES THROUGH THE AIR.

YOU GET IT...

YOU CARRY A TEN-FOOT CLOUD

AROUND WITH YOU.

ONE IN THREE PEOPLE DIE.

IF A HUNDRED PEOPLE

IN NEW YORK CITY GOT IT, YOU'D HAVE TO ENCIRCLE THEM

WITH ONE HUNDRED MILLION VACCINATED PEOPLE TO CONTAIN IT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DOSES OF SMALLPOX VACCINE

EXIST IN THE COUNTRY? SEVEN.

IF A HUNDRED PEOPLE IN NEW YORK CITY GET IT

THERE'S GOING TO BE A GLOBAL MEDICAL EMERGENCY

THAT'S GOING TO MAKE HIV LOOK LIKE COLD AND FLU SEASON.

THAT'S HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.

A-A-A LITTLE TEST TUBE WITH A...

A RUBBER CAP THAT'S DETERIORATING.

GUY STEPS OUT OF TIMES SQUARE STATION...

PSHHHT. SMASHES IT ON THE SIDEWALK.

THERE IS A WORLD WAR RIGHT THERE.

WE'LL MAKE MORE VACCINE.

YOU BETTER HURRY

'CAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH ONE OF THESE CARDS.

COME HAVE CHILI.

THE PRESIDENT'S ASKING FOR YOU.

YEAH, I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE.

YOU REALLY ARE VERY SWEET SOMETIMES.

SAM, IT'S ALL ABOUT MASTERING THE FUNDAMENTALS, SEE?

GOT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS UP, YOUR FEET MOVING ON DEFENSE.

PASS AND GET OPEN OR FIND THE OPEN MAN

AND FOLLOW HIS SHOT ON OFFENSE.

SEE, I AM A MASTER OF THE FUNDAMENTALS

AND I REALLY BELIEVE THAT THAT IS WHY MY TEAM

SO THOROUGHLY DOMINATED YOUR TEAM.

AND IT PROBABLY DIDN'T HURT SO MUCH

HAVING A TWO-TIME A.C.C. PLAYER OF THE WEEK ON YOUR TEAM.

YOU KNOW, KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTALS.

NO APPRECIATION FOR THE GAME, MR. PRESIDENT.

MRS. LANDINGHAM, ARE YOU DRUNK?

NO, SIR. NOW WHY WOULD I...

I JUST LIKE ASKING.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD TELL YOU...

OH, GIVE IT UP. WHERE'S ZOEY?

SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

WOLVES DON'T KILL PEOPLE, THAT'S A MYTH.

WHERE ALONG THE WAY

DID SHE TURN INTO A WOLF PERSON?

MORE PEOPLE GET KILLED EACH YEAR

GETTING CHANGE OUT OF VENDING MACHINES

THAN GET KILLED BY A WOLF ATTACK.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

NUMBER OF PEOPLE KILLED LAST YEAR

RETRIEVING CHANGE FROM A VENDING MACHINE: FOUR.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE KILLED BY A WOLF ATTACK: ZERO.

EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

HOW DO PEOPLE DIE FROM A VENDING MACHINE?

HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SIR, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

MR. PRESIDENT.

SO, I GUESS WE HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING ALONG TOO WELL LATELY.

HAVE WE, SIR?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

I'VE BEEN IRRITATING YOU?

YES.

WAS DAVID ROSEN YOUR FIRST CHOICE FOR MY JOB?

YES.

WELL, I'M GLAD WE HAD THIS LITTLE TALK, SIR.

I FEEL A LOT BETTER.

THANK YOU, SIR.

WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT ON THAT ONE, TOBY.

ME AND LEO AND JOSH.

THEY WERE SCREAMING AT ME

"GOVERNOR, FOR GOD SAKES, IT'S GOT TO BE TOBY.

IT'S GOT TO BE TOBY."

BUT I HELD MY GROUND AND WE WENT TO DAVID ROSEN

AND ROSEN SAID HE WANTED TO TAKE A PARTNERSHIP

AT SALOMON BROTHERS.

THANK GOD.

I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, TOBY.

I MEAN IT. I'D BE IN THE TALL GRASS.

I'D BE IN THE WEEDS.

I KNOW I DISAPPOINT YOU SOMETIMES.

I MEAN, I CAN SENSE YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT.

AND I ONLY GET MAD

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT A LOT OF THE TIMES.

BUT YOU ARE NOT THE KID IN THE CLASS WITH HIS HAND UP

AND WHATEVER IT WAS YOU SAID TO C.J.

YOU ARE A WISE AND BRILLIANT MAN, TOBY.

THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN WE WERE PLAYING BASKETBALL

DID YOU MEAN WHAT YOU SAID--

MY DEMONS WERE SHOUTING DOWN THE BETTER ANGELS IN MY BRAIN?

YES, SIR, I DID.

YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT STOPPING ME FROM GREATNESS?

YES.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

TELL YOU WHAT THOUGH, SIR

IN A BATTLE BETWEEN A PRESIDENT'S DEMONS

AND HIS BETTER ANGELS

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG WHILE

I THINK WE MIGHT JUST HAVE OURSELVES A FAIR FIGHT.

THANK YOU, TOBY.

NOW, GO AWAY.

DROP THE SPOON.

I KNEW IT WAS YOU.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH ON A TRISCUIT.

THANKS, VERY MUCH. I'M SEEING A NEW BARBER.

I HEARD YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A LITTLE NUTTY TODAY.

OH, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

WHAT CLASSES YOU TAKING?

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

CHARLIE, YOU MET ZOEY BARTLET?

NO. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

I'M CHARLIE YOUNG.

HI.

OKAY, HANG ON A SECOND.

LET'S TAKE IT BACK A MOMENT AND GIVE IT ANOTHER CHANCE.

THIS IS A GIRL, CHARLIE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL HER MA'AM.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

DID I CALL YOU...? ZOEY.

I SHOULD CALL YOU ZOEY?

IF I CAN CALL YOU CHARLIE.

YES. UM, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU FROM THE PRESIDENT.

THAT WOULD BE HER FATHER.

YOU'RE FORBIDDEN FROM ADDING ADDITIONAL CUMIN TO THE CHILI.

CHARLIE, CHECK THE DOOR TO SEE IF MY FATHER'S NEARBY.

MA'AM, I... AH-AH-AH.

ZOEY, I HAD CERTAIN INSTRUCTIONS

AND I DO NOT WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE... YOU'RE FINE.

TASTE THIS.

DOESN'T IT NEED CUMIN?

IT NEEDS OREGANO.

LET'S GET TO WORK.

SEE YOU GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, MAYBE THE VENDING MACHINES FALL ON THEM

WHILE THEY'RE GETTING THEIR CHANGE.

MY POINT IS CAN'T WE BUILD SCHOOLS

AND PROTECT WILDLIFE AT THE SAME TIME?

WE MUST BE ABLE

TO DO THAT.

PLUIE REALLY GOT TO YOU, HUH?

SHE REALLY WAS VERY SWEET, LEO.

JOSH

WE WERE LOOKING FOR YOU.

LOOK AT THIS, WILL YOU?

AT WHAT, SIR?

I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT NOTHING MAKES ME FEEL QUITE SO GOOD

AS THE SIGHT OF COLLEAGUES

ENJOYING EACH OTHER OUTSIDE WORK.

SO, WHAT WERE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THESE WOMEN.

YEAH?

WE CAN'T GET OVER THESE WOMEN.

LOOK AT C.J.--

SHE'S LIKE A '50s MOVIE STAR.

SO CAPABLE, SO LOVING AND ENERGETIC.

LOOK AT MANDY OVER THERE.

GOING PUNCH FOR PUNCH WITH TOBY

IN A WORLD THAT TELLS WOMEN

TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

MANDY'S ALREADY WON HER BATTLE WITH THE PRESIDENT.

THE GAME'S OVER, BUT SHE'S NOT DONE.

SHE WANTS TOBY.

MRS. LANDINGHAM.

DID YOU GUYS KNOW SHE LOST

TWO SONS IN VIETNAM?

WHAT WOULD MAKE HER WANT TO SERVE HER COUNTRY IS BEYOND ME

BUT IN 14 YEARS, SHE'S NOT MISSED A DAY'S WORK.

NOT ONE.

THERE'S CATHY, DONNA AND MARGARET...

MR. PRESIDENT, THERE'S SOMETHING

THAT'S BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR MOST OF THE DAY

AND WHILE I KNOW

THIS IS AN INAPPROPRIATE TIME...

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, JOSH?

I SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT

AND IT'S A GREAT PRIVILEGE THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET.

I CAN'T KEEP THIS.

I THINK IT'S A WHITE FLAG OF SURRENDER.

I WANT TO BE A COMFORT TO MY FRIENDS IN TRAGEDY

AND I WANT TO BE ABLE TO CELEBRATE WITH THEM IN TRIUMPH

AND FOR ALL THE TIMES IN BETWEEN

I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.

LEO, IT'S NOT FOR ME.

I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY AND THESE WOMEN.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

THANK YOU.

UH, FRIENDS

PLEASE.

THE CHILI'S READY

AND I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT.

IN FACT, SINCE I TOLD YOU YOU WOULD ENJOY IT

I AM REASONABLY CERTAIN THAT YOU WILL.

YOU KNOW, OF COURSE, THE FIRST LADY'S IN PAKISTAN.

I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHY

BUT I HAVE LEARNED IT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

NOT TO ASK MY WIFE TOO MANY QUESTIONS

AS IT SELDOM LEADS TO ANYTHING BUT FURTHER CONFUSION.

I MISS HER VERY MUCH, BUT I'M DELIGHTED

OUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ZOEY IS HERE.

All: ZOEY!

YOU KNOW, SHE'S STARTING GEORGETOWN IN THE SPRING.

( all cheering and applauding)

THIS, PRIOR TO MEDICAL SCHOOL AND A LIFE OF CELIBACY.

YEAH, RIGHT!

IT'S AN INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE

YOU'RE STARTING ON, SWEETHEART.

AN AMAZING FOUR YEARS FULL OF PEOPLE

AND EXPERIENCES YOU HAVEN'T YET DREAMED OF.

AND IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME

JUST ONE MINUTE OF BUSINESS, PLEASE.

I HOPE THAT BY THE TIME WE'RE DONE WITH OUR FOUR YEARS HERE

WE'LL HAVE SEEN TO IT THAT EVERY YOUNG PERSON WHO CHOOSES

CAN GO TO COLLEGE AND BEYOND

REGARDLESS OF THEIR ECONOMIC STATUS.

HEAR HEAR. HEAR HEAR.

I UNDERSTAND THAT TODAY WAS ANOTHER ONE OF LEO'S

BIG-BLOCK-OF-CHEESE DAYS.

YOU ALL START OUT SO CYNICAL

BUT IT NEVER FAILS.

BY THE END OF THE DAY, THERE'S ALWAYS ONE OR TWO CONVERTS, RIGHT?

AND TODAY WAS NO EXCEPTION.

C.J. CREGG IS GOING TO BE UP ALL NIGHT

WRITING A POSITION PAPER FOR THE INTERIOR DEPARTMENT

ON THE NECESSITY OF WILDLIFE PROTECTION.

C.J., I DON'T MIND

THE COST OF THIS WOLVES-ONLY HIGHWAY.

IT'S THE SEGREGATION.

THE A.C.L.U. IS GOING TO PETITION ON BEHALF OF SOME REINDEER

AND THEN WE'RE ALL SCREWED.

( all laughing )

SAM SEABORN HAD A GUY WHO SPOTTED A UFO TODAY.

AM I RIGHT?

SAM LAUGHED HIM OUT OF HIS OFFICE

BUT YOU'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT EVER SINCE.

BUT YOU CAN REST ASSURED, SAM--

IT WAS NOT A SPACESHIP FROM ANOTHER PLANET

JUST ANOTHER TIME.

A LONG-SINCE-ABANDONED SOVIET SATELLITE.

ONE OF ITS BOOSTER ROCKETS DIDN'T FIRE

AND IT COULDN'T ESCAPE EARTH'S ORBIT.

A SAD REMINDER OF A TIME

WHEN TWO POWERFUL NATIONS CHALLENGED EACH OTHER

AND THEN BOLDLY RACED INTO OUTER SPACE.

WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT THING THAT CHALLENGES US, TOBY?

THAT MAKES US GO FARTHER

AND WORK HARDER?

YOU KNOW THAT WHEN SMALLPOX WAS ERADICATED

IT WAS CONSIDERED

THE SINGLE GREATEST HUMANITARIAN ACHIEVEMENT OF THIS CENTURY.

SURELY WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

AS WE DID IN A TIME WHEN OUR EYES LOOKED TOWARDS THE HEAVENS

AND WITH OUTSTRETCHED FINGERS, WE TOUCHED THE FACE OF GOD.

HERE'S TO ABSENT FRIENDS...

AND THE ONES THAT ARE HERE NOW.

All: CHEERS.