Original subtitles

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Putting aside the notion...

that elegance is a conceit of the past,

the toga reminds us...

that no part of the body should be too hard to get to.

- One never knows... - Mmm.

e. when a rendezvous will lead to a teete-aa-teet

After all, when in Rome, be romantic.

Ow! Do you see this side of my face? My wig? Has anyone seen my wig?

It makes 100 dinars a day.

This other side, it does too.

You know what that means? You have an expensive head?

It means handle with care!

And now, for the highlight of our annual fashion follies,

the Olympian Collection!

You'll have your enemies begging for mercy...

when you storm the streets in Ares Wear.

But if you're a lover, not a fighter,

then the Aphrodite ensemble...

will tame even the most savage beast.

[ Woman ] Naughty, but nice!

Don't pay any attention to these people.

Someday they'll all be begging to wear your designs. I'm glad someone thinks so.

Maybe after we're done here I could take you out for some...

Hello!

When you and doofus are done making googly eyes at each other,

we've got a show to run!

- Yes, Weena. - This is Count von Verminhaven's private viewing!

That man could make or break my career with one review.

I want him to be impressed. Now get back to work!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh. Hello. Hmm.

Oh!

[ Grunts ]

Oh!

Count von Verminhaven, my sincerest apologies.

Uh, if there's anything I or my models can do for you,

then don't hesitate to ask.

My dear girl, your generous offer is entirely unnecessary.

These designs speak for themselves.

[ Giggles ]

But, perhaps we could discuss the finer points of your offer...

over a crock of fondue.

Mmm. Sounds delicious.

I'll bring dessert.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

You're fired. You're all fired. Move!

Your career in the fashion world is over. You're fired.

[ Man ] Thank you for coming today.

You are living proof that fashion is never too high...

for the lowest common denominator.

And so, with the cutting of this ribbon,

our illustrious guest will declare the commencement...

of the Trendopolis Annual Fashion Follies!

[ Cheering, Applause ] Look! It's von Verminhaven himself!

And don't you all look wonderful.

If I might direct your attention to the scroll behind me,

you will find the names of all designers whom I, in my infinite good taste,

have personally selected to showcase this season.

Uh, ex-excuse me.

- What about me? - Indeed. What about you?

I don't see my name up there.

Well, judging from the roadkill you're trying to pass off as a dress,

I'm not surprised. [ Giggling ]

As Head of the Fashion Police,

I hereby fine you 100 dinars...

for a violation of Article 2, Section 16 Alpha, Subset Theta of the Fashion Code...

wearing a fruit motif on a cloudy day.

Hi. My mother taught me never to litter,

but in this case, I'll make an exception.

Oh!

- Hercules! - Get him! Get him!

Save the hug.

Hercules! Hey, Althea!

I told you I'd never forget my first dance partner.

What are you doing here? I, uh...

I ran into your father, back in Rumba,

and he hasn't heard from you in a while, and he's starting to get worried.

Well, he shouldn't be. I told him the next time he'd hear from me...

I'd be a success in the big city, and I meant it.

Then he's never gonna hear from you again.

Ah, Weena. You can't help her this time, Hercules.

The designers were chosen fair and square, and she didn't make the cut.

- Fine. - Fine?

- Fine? - Fine.

We'll just put on our own fashion show, right?

Right.

[ Exhales Sharply ] Here we go again.

[ Man Narrating ] This is the story of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared to challenge their power...

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,

wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [ Screeching ] - [ Roaring ]

Hail!

My own fashion show? Why not?

Where do you want me to start?

I can't compete with people like Weena.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you beat her...

in the dance contest back in Rumba?

Yeah, but that was Rumba.

This is the big city. People here expect more... I don't know...

sophistication.

I just don't think I've got enough style.

You have plenty of style.

Don't worry about what other people think.

It's good to see you, Hercules.

You too.

Althea, are you okay? I heard there was trouble.

Yeah, I'm fine. Titus, this is my friend...

- Hercules. - Nice to meet you, Titus.

He's gonna help me put on my own fashion show.

Really?

Well, I'll be glad to lend a hand, but we don't have much time.

I, uh, think we know someone who can help speed things along.

I can't believe it.

People used to line up all down the block to take lessons from her.

- Is she the one who taught you how to dance? - Yeah.

[ Coughing ] Ah, the earth moved, eh?

Excuse me. How long has this place been closed?

Oh, well, it's been quite a while now, laddie.

Aye. You know, it just doesn't seem the same round here...

without her smile.

[ Dog Whimpers ]

[ Snoring ]

Wake up!

Oh.

Oh. I-I'm sorry, Mistress Weena.

I haven't slept in four days.

Ohhh. Four days?

Well, why didn't you say so? [ Mumbles ]

Do I look like I care!

Nobody gets any sleep until my designs are finished, okay?

My darling, I can't stand to see you like this.

So I'm leaving. No!

Don't leave me! The pressure's unbearable!

When you're on top, everybody wants to knock you off.

Well, you don't have to worry about that with me, my little doodlebug,

I love it when you're on top.

Oh, Vermy,

Althea and Hercules are gonna ruin everything.

Oh,please!

Hercules doesn't know the first thing about fashion.

And besides, my little sauerkraut sandwich,

the people will like what I tell them to like.

You promise?

If you're really concerned, there is something you can do.

I want you to play nice with Althea.

Make her your new best friend.

If I polish it and attach shiny beads, it'll look wonderful for the show.

[ Scissors Snipping ]

- You ready? - Mm-hmm.

Ta-da! What do you think?

You don't like 'em.

Well, they don't look anything like the sketches you showed me before.

Yeah, I know. I changed my mind.

This is the kind of thing people wanna wear.

- It's not you. - How do you know?

I think they're brilliant.

What do you want?

I came here to talk.

See you later.

I came here to apologize.

At least hear me out, please?

The truth is, I've always been jealous of you.

Why?

Because you have natural talent.

I've had to learn what I know.

- Why should I believe you? - Because I have no reason to lie to you.

I have everything I could ever want.

Except one thing:

a friend from back home who understands how lonely it can be in the big city.

You get lonely?

All the time.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Screeching ] dddd [ Guitar Strumming ]

dddd [ Soft Bagpipes ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Man ] Two, three.

And, uh, two. Three. You're much better.

[ Man #2 ] I don't wanna scare you. Here comes the fancy stuff.

[ Woman ] Ohhh! That was fine.

Hi, honey. Just about that time!

[ Groans ] Why don't you grow up?

[ Sniffs ] Whew. You should be ashamed of yourself.

You smell like the bottom of a parrot's cage.

Why don't you and I go away somewhere...

and discuss the desalination of your putrefic suspiration?

I paid for this dance,

and I'm gonna get my money's worth!

Ooh. Mind if I cut in?

Aaah!

[ Thump ] [ Man Groans ]

[ Gasps ] Hercules. What are you doing here?

I'm looking for you. Althea and I need your help.

No, no, no, no, no. You shouldn't have come. I don't want you to see me like this.

Twanky, what happened? I went to your studio, and it was closed.

Hercules, I have fallen on hard times.

I'm shagged out.

The lead's gone right out of my pencil, and I don't need your pity.

So why don't you just shoo and leave me to wallow in my humble commode?

Wait. What's going on here?

You've got too much self-respect to let people likethat rent you for a cheap dance.

Self-respect, Hercules,

is a luxury I can no longer afford.

dddd [ Accordion ]

dddd [ Continues ]

dd I once was a star the belle of the ball dd

d dd The queen of the floo r Men begging for more d

dd I used to believe that I had it all dd

dd But that was before dd

dd My great fall dd

dddd [ Continues ]

dd One dinar a dance dd

dd I don't twirl for free dd

dd I've fallen so low dd

dd No place left to go dd

dd I once was a star as bright as could be dd

dd There once was a time that I danced just for me dd

dd One dinar a dance dd

dd One dinar a dance dd

dd I've fallen so low dd

dd No place left to go dd

dd My life's a disgrace dd

dd I'm lost in the race dd

dd So just let it be dd

dd dd Like it or not, this is me dd

I'm sorry, Hercules. I can't help you.

[ Music Ends ]

Twanky's not coming? She had to, uh, work.

[ Sighs ] So what now?

- Can't have a fashion show without a stage, right? - But how?

Every hall and auditorium in this town is booked. And we're broke.

Good. The less we have, the more creative we'll have to be.

Oh, thank the gods. It's the police.

You are under arrest...

for violation of Article 1A, Section 10, Subset 234D of the Fashion Code...

wearing leather in the summer.

Oh. Well, then why aren't you out arresting cows?

- [ Snickers ] - [ Cow Mooing ]

Oh, forget it. You have no sense of humor, do you?

[ Distant Moaning, Shouting ]

I do apologize, Hercules, for this embarrassing situation.

It seems our Fashion Police can at times be a touch overzealous.

Hercules, I can't stand to see you like this,

so I shall make sure you are released as soon as possible.

After all, being the chief arbiter of taste in this city...

does confer some advantages.

Like deciding who's in your little club and who isn't...

because of what they wear.

As a matter of fact, yes.

And why shouldn't we? Every institution of honor has its dress code, does it not?

In case you haven't noticed, Greece isn't an institution. It's a free society.

And you're encouraging people to turn against each other just for being different.

Oh, Hercules. We're encouraging harmony and equality...

by ensuring that no one person stands out above the rest.

Except for you.

I am but a humble public servant.

So let me do you the service...

of explaining that all designers have been chosen for this season's festival.

Any exhibit not sanctioned by me...

will not be tolerated lightly, if at all.

Thanks for the tip. Now let me give you one.

If you or your goons get in my way again,

you'll all be out of style faster than you can say "tube top. "

[ Clears Throat ]

Ohhh. Where is he?

Don't worry. He'll be back.

Of course he will.

In the meantime, why don't you and I have ourselves a girls' afternoon out?

But, Althea, there's work to be done.

[ Stammering ] How nice of you to volunteer.

Come on. We've got so much to do.

If you're going to be a successful designer, you gotta look the part.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

Another Flirty Dryad.

[ Slurps ] Oh.

[ Chuckling ] All right, toots.

I got a string of tickets in this hand,

and nothing in this one.

Are you ready to meet Mr. Palm?

[ Chuckles ] Huh. I wouldn't want to come between you both.

Hmm.

I'm only gonna ask nice once.

But if you're a good girl... [ Chuckles ]

Oh! You'll know your place.

I'm a lady, sir, and that makes it all the more difficult for me to do this.

But a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. [ Chuckling ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Laughs ] Twanky!

Oh, Twanky, that was wonderful! Oh. Oh, thanks.

Oh, Hercules was right. I deserve better than this.

Uh-huh. I deserve respect. I deserve consideration.

I deserve to be spit-polished by the Olympic weight-lifting team!

But as I can't have that, I shall settle for my dignity.

That's it, girls. I quit!

The floor is yours!

[ Woman ] Yes. That's Althea.

Althea? What happened to you?

Well, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.

I didn't mean... What's with you, anyway?

First you didn't like my designs and now this. I thought you were my friend.

But I... You're jealous.

I'm fitting in for the first time, and you can't stand it.

[ Huffs ] Well, with all your new friends,

y- you don't need me.

Hey, Titus.

Where's he going?

I don't care. I'm going home to finish my frocks.

Great. Yoo-hoo!

Ohhh. [ Giggles ]

Hi.

Hi, yourself. Woof.

You're a sight for sore thighs.

Kiss me! Aaah. Oh!

Sorry. I slipped. Oh. Never mind.

That's perfectly all right. After all, our love is eternal.

Ooh. I haven't felt anything that hard in a long time.

Now then, I have a fashion show to organize.

Where do we start? Uh, Twanky.

Tell me why you closed your studio down.

Well, I was going to retire to a sunny beach...

and eat caviar off the washboard abs of a virile young Nubian.

That's quite an image. Uh, just tell me what happened.

dddd [ Ballad ]

Well, let's just say that one bad review can ruin a girl's career.

And we'll leave it at that, shall we?

After all, what's done is done. It's all in the past now.

Let bygones be bygones. It's no use crying over spilt milk.

We've got to keep our eyes on the prize and look to the future.

Now, go and round up the troops.

I've got to work my magic. Hmm.

[ Record Needle Scratching ] Oh, off with it, you hooty!

Bingo.

[ Chuckles ] Torch the place.

Hurry up! Quickly!

My designs!

Oh! My designs!

Oh! My designs. [ Breathing Heavily ]

Oh.

Aaah! [ Whimpers ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Coughing ]

- Althea! - Herc... Hercules. Help.

[ Coughing ]

I gotcha!

Stay low. [ Coughing ]

[ Coughing ]

You okay? [ Gasps ] My designs.

How am I gonna do a show without my designs?

Althea, all we have to do is just... Hercules.

I really appreciate everything you've done for me, but...

not all of us can reach for the sky.

Some of us just wanna fit in.

Weena will understand. She's my friend.

Althea.

Who do you think did this?

You don't know what you're talking about.

To my little pastry face.

No, no, no. To you, my lugubrious love-biscuit.

Let us usher in a new era...

of narcissism, designer-label inflation...

and eating disorders.

Weena!

Oh, I'm so glad I found you.

[ Crying ]

Oh, you poor thing.

What happened?

My designs, they're gone. Oh, there, there.

With your talent, you'll be back on your feet in no time.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Weena, I knew I could come to you.

Always.

This fabric... I used this in one of my pieces.

That proves that we're soul mates.

Althea, all that matters is that you weren't hurt in the fire.

I never told you about a fire.

It was you?

You stole them?

[ Whimpering ]

My designs!

You stole my designs!

Well, my little Black Forest cherry face, time to come clean.

- It seems our little ruse has been unmasked. - Thank the gods!

If I have to pretend to be your friend another moment longer, I think I'll puke!

You won't get away with this!

But my dear girl, we already have.

These can't be your designs, because your designs were burnt in the fire.

- [ Weena Laughing ] - Now, where were we?

Ah, yes. To an incendiary season.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Snarls ] [ Giggling ]

Althea, wait. If you've come to yell at me, don't bother.

Where are you going? To Rumba.

I've... I've ruined everything.

Hercules tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.

Instead, I insulted him, and I insulted you and... Althea, stop!

You... You can't just throw your dreams away...

because some spoiled prima donna tried to bring you down.

You've got more talent in your little finger...

than all the Weenas of the world put together.

And by the way,

I love you.

Now would be a really good time to say something.

I... I don't know what to say.

Just say you'll get even with Weena.

But how? She stole all my latest designs.

Well, then... it's a good thing I've still got your old ones.

[ Giggling ]

By the gods!

dddd [ Blues ]

This is all for me? Well, of course it's for you. Who else would it be for?

Twanky! Ohhh, darling Althea.

You look... It's lovely to see you again.

[ Giggles ]

How did you build this so fast? Oh, it was nothing really.

[ Grunting ] That's easy for you to say.

[ Grunting Continues ] Oh.

[ Grunts, Exhales Deeply ]

- What? - Are you going to... have a drink now?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm not really thirsty.

Ohhh. Mm.

[ Breathing Heavily ] On second thought,

I could use a little cooling off.

Well, I don't know about you,

but I need to loosen me corset.

[ Inhales Sharply ] Come on, young man.

- You all right? - Thanks to you.

I'm sorry about what I said.

I guess I was trying so hard to fit in, I...

I didn't realize I already belong somewhere.

Welcome back.

Do you think that Cleopatra should be...

on this season's best- or worst-dressed list?

My leader.

Well, speak.

Hercules and the girl are at it again.

The runway is nearing completion.

Oh, that Hercules is like a bad rash.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I hate him.

Don't frown. You'll get wrinkles.

Well, if Hercules is determined to put on his little show,

we'll just have to help him bring down the house.

[ Gasps ]

There. That should do it.

Oh! I feel like a young girl again.

You know, this takes me right back to my modeling days,

when my 12th husband, Lord Longfellow,

known in the more exotic ports as "Three-legged Willie,"

demanded that I give up the catwalk and bear him an heir.

What did you do?

Well, I said to him, "Dick," I said, "I am a career girl. "

But he would not take no for an answer,

so I cut off his aspirations.

Do you know, even though it ended badly between us,

I still carry part of him with me.

Alley-oop! [ Grunts ]

Ohh-kay. Good to know.

Uh, Althea? How are your designs coming along?

I'll be ready by tonight.

Look out!

Aaah. [ Whimpers ]

Hercules!

- Hercules! - Look out!

- [ Grunts ] - Oh.

Go! [ Grunts ]

Oh. [ Whimpers ]

- Is anybody hurt? - I can't believe it.

It's the last day of the festival.

What are we gonna do? Oh.

- Well, you know what they say. - Never trust a dentist with hairy knuckles?

No. The party is where you make it.

Come on. Let's go.

dddd [ '80s Dance ] Right. Gather round, girls!

Come on. I need your help.

Walk this way.

[ Woman, Background ] dd It's time to move on up in the world dd

dd Let's keep it going strong dd

dd Wanna know, wanna know wanna know dd

dd That my heart is true dd

dd If you let me have just one chance dd

dd I'll show you what I'm gonna do dd

dd Gonna tell you how I feel dd

dd Just how I feel tonight dd

dd Make you believe that everything dd

dd Is all right dd

dd Let me tell you that tonight dd

dd The whole world's watching dd

dd Tonight dd dd Tonight dd

dd The stars will be shining so bright dd

dd Tonight dd dd Together we'll make such a sight dd

dd Tonight dd dd The whole world's watching tonight dddd

[ Cheering, Applause ] Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, welcome!

Although true beauty is on the inside,

it never hurts to have a little help on the outside.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

So, without further ado,

it is my privilege and my honor to bring you...

the Althea Collection!

[ Cheering, Applause ] dddd [ Techno ]

[ Woman ] Wonderful!

[ Man ] Genius!

Last pin.

[ Man ] The next change is a quick one, so don't dally around.

[ Chattering Continues ]

So far, so good.

Hmm?

dddd [ Techno Continues ] [ Onlookers Oohing ]

Smoky Autumn.

A must when you want to add a little warmth to those chilly nights.

Ugh! No! Pathetic. Who would wear that?

Note the line of this garment, as it...

[ Woman ] Encore! Oh, bravo!

[ Man ] Well done! Bravo!

More!

- Twanky, what's the matter? - I can't go back out there.

Von Verminhaven's here with the Fashion Police.

It was him. Verminhaven's the one that ruined you, isn't he?

[ Man ] What's the holdup?

He tried to force his affections upon me.

And when I spurned his advances,

he sullied my reputation all over town.

[ Crowd Clamoring ]

It's time for you to take back what he stole from you.

Ohhh. The crowd's getting restless. We want our fashion!

[ Crowd Chanting ] We want our fashion!

Listen to them, Twanky. You can't leave.

I can't do this without you.

If you run now, Verminhaven wins,

and you'll never forgive yourself.

[ Crowd Chanting ] We want our fashion. We want our fashion.

[ People Groaning ] [ Chanting Continues ]

This is nothing but a farce. Yes.

[ Crowd Clamoring ]

What a farce! What cheapness! What complete and utter slop!

Well, that's enough about you. What do you think of the show?

[ Laughter ] On second thought,

I don't care what you think of the show.

Humph! Now then, where were we?

Oh, yes. The Althea Collection.

dddd [ Techno Resumes ] [ Applause, Cheering ]

The lovely bride, for those in a romantic mood.

[ Man ] Elegant!

[ Growling ]

They're gonna ruin everything!

What are we gonna do?

Improvise.

Learn to tame the beast within you...

with Althea's sultry animal prints!

- dd Too sexy for my love dd - [ Women Howling ]

dd Love's going to leave me dd

dddd [ Dance ] [ Woman ] What a silhouette!

[ Woman #2 ] Oh, baby! Whoo-hoo!

[ Man ] What a bull Hercules is!

- [ Women Continue Howling ] - [ Man ] I'd love to have an outfit like that!

[ Woman ] How masculine!

dd I'm too sexy for my shirt Too sexy for my shirt dddd

On second thought, why not let the beast run wild?

[ Woman ] What a body! Whoo! [ Man ] I want one of those!

dddd [ Music Continues ]

[ Giggling ]

- Stop gawking and get them! - Yes, sir!

[ Policemen Yelling ] dddd [ Upbeat Latin ]

dddd [ Music Continues ]

[ Policemen Yelling ]

Oh.

[ Crowd Gasping ]

- Hah. Hyah! - Aaah!

[ Bones Creak ] Aaah. Ooh.

Ooh.

dddd [ Upbeat Latin Continues ]

Aaah!

[ Man Groaning ]

[ Cheering, Whistling ]

[ Music Stops ]

Oh. Well, thank you. I... I hope you enjoyed the show.

Uh, but now I'd like you to meet the young lady who made this all possible...

Althea! [ Woman ] Bravo!

Come on, love. [ Man ] Fabulous, Althea!

[ Man #2 ] Wonderful, Althea!

[ Woman ] You're the best!

Love you a big bunch. Ohhh.

You liar! You promised you'd stop Hercules!

These designs are in violation of the fashion code!

All of these people are under arrest!

[ Gasps ]

Your fashion code is a joke, but I'm not laughing anymore.

Everyone has the right to their own opinion,

but von Verminhaven has turned his into the law.

Althea had the courage to remind you that it's okay to be different.

Well, you all have your own style.

Don't let him take that away from you.

- [ Groans ] - [ Cheering ]

dddd [ Disco ]

d - [ Mouthing Words ] - dd I'm too sexy for my shirt d

dd Too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts dd

dd And I'm too sexy for Milan dd

dd Too sexy for Milan New York and Japan dd

dd I'm a model You know what I mean dd

dd And I do my little turn on the catwalk dd

dd Yeah, on the catwalk On the catwalk, yeah dd

dd I do my little turn on the catwalk dd

dd I'm too sexy for this song dd dd

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc., Los Angeles