Original subtitles

[Sophie] I remember running my first job. It was challenging.

But the only way to know if you're ready is to do it.

I think Emma really pulled off her elevator pitch.

- Oh. Oh. [screams] - It'll be fun.

Yeah, she just needed a little shove.

In our line of work, we don't get recognition for what we do.

[grunting]

We have the satisfaction of knowing that we made a difference.

[grunting]

Oh, hey. High five.

We don't need date nights to be together.

We don't even need to be on the same planet.

We are Parker and Hardison.

I really do respect the fact that you're knowledgeable and wizened.

- Did you just call me old? - Yes!

I am taking the job at the firm. I am not a criminal.

Yes, you are. You're part of the team, Harry.

[sighs] Part of the team.

[grunting]

[Sophie] What is a con?

It's a set of artificial circumstances designed to elicit an intended response.

This is gonna be a cool shot.

Hello, Mum.

- You know what I got? - What's that?

- [grunts] - Ooh!

You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.

Keep in touch this time. And not from afar.

[Hardison] Okay, people. Comms are linked.

Go.

We should've done more prep for this job.

Gustav Ekimov, Russian money launderer, uses art to finance terrorism.

So, we steal his art. Easy-peasy. We've done this a million times.

We've discussed easy-peasy.

[chuckles, speaking French]

[Hardison] Um, sorry. Pardon me, pardon me.

[speaking French] ...Devine Collection.

[Sophie speaking French]

[chuckles, speaking French]

We were in London for two whole weeks, and we didn't steal anything.

This is one little golden statue.

We promised Sophie no criming while she's visiting Astrid in London.

No criming for Astrid the Interpol agent? [scoffs] How did that go?

[speaks French]

She's reconciling with her stepdaughter after a few decades.

I'm doing the same thing with my dad. It just... It ain't easy.

- Go. - I mean, the... This is on me.

[stammers] I just wanted to get Astrid a meaningful gift.

But of course all my meaningful gifts are stolen items. So, I should...

[speaking German]

[speaks German]

This vent.

[Hardison] All right. [grunts]

- [Parker] Bonjour, Monsieur Vent. - [grunts]

- Oof, even these smell like cheese. - [groans]

Sophie, there's no way you could've known

she would've recognized a ring you'd stolen from 20 years ago.

It's 20 years. You're making good choices.

[grunting, groaning]

[panting] Speaking of choices...

[grunts]

You told Parker about your choice yet?

[Hardison] Didn't I tell you stay out of grown folk business?

Did... Didn't I tell you?

[shushes]

All right, babe. The sound detection and pressure pad's off.

[sighs] Don't trigger the floor alarms.

What's Eliot talking about?

[stammering]

[stammers] The whole thing with, uh, Breanna.

Yeah, 'cause she hasn't decided on college yet,

she's just visiting a few campuses with Harry and his daughter.

Hey, what would you get someone for their birthday,

you know, who works at Interpol?

- Not something stolen. - Well, I know that now.

- Fascinating. - [gasps] No.

- Do not. Don't you dare. - No, it's just...

You know, you're in another complicated emotional relationship

with someone who's on the other side of the law.

[breathes heavily] That is so...

[pants] He means Nate. Nate and Astrid are the same.

- Mm-hmm. - Oh!

[sighs] Maybe this is just too much change all at once.

I thought we were done changing. I'm done changing.

About that...

Hey, guys. Just a quick question.

- This Russian money launderer... - Gustav Ekimov?

- Yeah, we stole his owl right? - Yep.

- The owl Sophie's holding right now? - [in Russian] No, you have to see it,

it came from a museum in Ukraine...

[in English] That's the guy?

...some guys who work for me, they got it.

- [speaks Russian] - [in English] Oops.

- [grunts] Go, go, go! - [panting]

Get the door!

- Where's the food truck? - [scoffs] The Paris team has it

because, again, this was supposed to be a quick little weekend heist.

- We gotta find a way out of Paris, now. - Working on it.

[gunshot]

[groans]

Why are auction house guards engaging in a high-speed chase?

'Cause these guys don't work for Sommersby's, all right?

Gustav's got private military guys there too.

Which we would've known if we had more time to prep.

Weekend in Paris!

[sighs] No rush, Hardison,

but even the French police will eventually catch on to a car chase.

I'm looking for a blind spot in the CCTV cameras

so we can dump the van and disappear.

Yeah, well we gotta lose these guys first, and this van's not fast enough.

[gunshots]

[pedestrian screaming]

This is Limagne Valley flour, man.

This is Limagne Valley flour, what a waste!

All right. [panting]

Drop me off. This won't take long.

- Oh! - [grunts]

[groans]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[groans]

[grunts]

[Hardison] There's my special guy.

How was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?

- Proud of you. Up top. - [groans]

[Sophie] In a state house on the outskirts of Paris?

It's a good crowd to get lost in.

You got to be all up on me

- with that nastiness? - Why don't you shut up?

- It's nasty. - How bad is it?

[panting] I got tagged by a knife. It's not serious,

but I'ma keep bleeding till I get stitches.

I'ma be half speed for a bit.

Well, they're not checking IDs.

But waitstaff, they're all in these. So, Hardison and I, we're good.

Whoever's in there, I picked up a listing for International Trade Summit.

They killed all the CCTV cameras in a mile radius.

That's a pretty common thing to do for big corporations

so EU regulators can't track who they're lobbying.

We're looking at a private party of politicians in suits.

- This is very low risk. - We gotta get off the streets

- and away from the police, but... - We wait too much longer

and Gustav's gonna track our route using traffic cams.

He's gonna locate this van...

And by then he's got our photos from the auction house security.

Hello. That's a historical building.

The entrance to the Paris catacombs is in the back garden.

Catacombs? [inhales sharply] Ooh. Spooky bones.

So, good. Parker, Hardison, waitstaff.

Eliot, with me. We lay low. We avoid the police and Gustav.

We mingle.

We find the entrance to those catacombs, and we use them to get away.

Yep.

I think I'm a little underdressed for this.

I've already spotted several casually dressed private security,

so you're fine.

Anyway, the owner of this house is American, so he won't mind.

- What makes you think he's American? - [scoffs] Howdy.

I'm gonna need a fresh ID. Something simple, London banker.

Oh, but give me a Russian connect so I can play both stories.

- [blows] - Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh... [clears throat] ...copy that.

Pulling up one of your pre-built IDs right...

What's this one?

"Violet Cesario"?

[chuckling, stammers] I don't... I don't know.

They're your IDs.

Uh... [chuckles]

No, it's not. I did not build this one. Neither did Breanna.

You built this one.

All right, well, just pick one and do it now.

Something's off here.

There're entirely too many guys here with guns than there should be.

Ex-Spetsnaz, mercs, two Chinese security agents.

What did you walk us into?

Let me go! You're killing my town! Every farm is dead!

Isabelle, I appreciate you coming all the way from the US to yell at me,

but this is a private party.

Yeah, party of vultures.

You stole our water, and now they're selling it back to us?

At a very fair price I might add.

Scuse me, everybody. Just doing a little customer service here.

Why don't you take Miss Dulotte to the vault,

- and we'll talk after the party? - No.

[guests laughing]

This is not a normal crowd.

Normal crowds do not laugh at, "Take her to the vault."

We're gonna need an ID.

Hardison, American accent, Isabelle Dulotte.

Something about, uh, her town.

I'll find the vault.

I got her, straight off social. She's from Neddleton, Mississippi.

Harry! He's driving back from Chicago.

Hardison, connect me.

Hey, Sophie! You should see the campus.

Girls are gonna go look at a couple more that Becky likes.

Great.

Um, Harry, how far are you from Neddleton?

Uh, I just passed it about two exits ago.

Hey, let me ask you. What would you say if I grew a beard?

Well, that would be unfortunate. Now, please turn around.

There's a very unpleasant man here who deserves our attention.

He's connected to something bad happening in that town.

- Hardison will send you the details. - Okay.

Thought you were having a weekend in Paris.

Yeah, we are.

We just have to figure out what's going on at a secret meeting

without blowing our covers and rescue a young woman from a vault

all before a murderous Russian gangster tries to shoot us.

So, ticktock.

Unfortunate?

I like it.

How are you doing it?

Well, I'm still bleeding,

my arm's going a little bit numb, but I ain't dead yet.

No, I said, "How are you doing it?"

Reconciling with your dad?

Oh... [chuckles]

I'm sorry. I was focused on all the hired killers in the room.

Man, this is a weird party, Sophie, okay?

There's a lot of professional muscle in here, and it's a mix.

Some private, some straight bad guys.

Government types.

I know.

I just made small talk with the Japanese Agricultural Minister,

and then an Albanian gangster talked my ear off

about black market Polish relics.

This is a baffling party.

It's time to talk to the host.

That's the exact opposite of laying low. I'm just pointing that out.

Parker, Hardison?

Any luck with the vault before I beard the lion?

Yeah, we got it.

But there's a yeti-sized dude parked out front.

Not sure we can afford the noise of taking him down now

till we know what's going on.

You said the Paris catacombs run under the building?

Oh, yes. The claustrophobic tunnels filled with thousands of skulls

and dust from generations of dead people are right below us.

Oh, tick tacks, that doesn't help us.

Hmm.

- No. - Hmm?

- No. - Yeah.

N... [sighs] Fine.

But, you know what kind of concrete those old buildings used?

Limestone.

Mmm, chop suey.

We gotta stop at the kitchen.

Be good.

How y'all doin'? I don't think we've met yet.

- Arizona Mike. - Victoria Chernenkov

of the Kurchatov Investment Group. And this is my security...

He's also American.

Oh, well, always glad to meet

- a fellow American. - [Eliot] Hey.

I'll make sure you get some hot sauce on the way out.

Arizona Mike...

Arizona Mike's Hot Wings?

There you go! [laughs]

Now see, this man has taste.

Not like these freaks that put mayo on their french fries.

Ugh. That's monstrous.

Yeah, I got a hundred wings location. Ten states, five countries.

I started out by supplying my own chickens.

And it turns out, those things take a crazy amount of water.

So, once I got into that game...

Well, here we are.

Is this your first auction?

Auction?

Yes. [chuckles]

This is my very first auction. How perceptive.

And Chernenkov, that makes you Russian?

Mmm, practically.

I did my master's in Moscow,

and now I manage the Kurchatov family's interests in the US and Europe.

So a Russian firm would put you in the uranium business?

Again, amazing.

And you sell...

Water, of course. I'm the water guy!

You remember that dealio out westward, we said "Oh! We're in a drought"?

Well I negotiated millions of gallons of water to be shipped

to farms owned by a cartel of Middle Eastern countries.

I even shipped some of that stuff out on tankers. Old-school.

That was you.

Hell, yeah, that was me.

And of course, you know, government put a stop to that.

But that's why I straight envy you Russians.

Because there's no government to speak of in Russia,

- it's just businessmen. - Yeah.

But, you know, our businessmen,

they do tend to blow up each other's planes...

- [chuckling] - ...and push their competitors out

of windows, so there is that.

Yeah, well, we're not quite there yet in the States, but we'll get there.

Just you wait. Come on, let me show you around.

- Was he kidding? - I don't know.

[sighs] Here.

[exhales sharply, pants]

You were holding your breath that whole time?

You know I got the allergies in regular vents and tunnels.

Breathing in skull dust has gotta make it worse.

[Parker] Or it's like getting bit by a radioactive spider

and ending up with dead French people superpowers.

Oh. Right above us is that vault floor.

So, you wanna talk about that Breanna thing?

Huh?

Uh. Yeah, yeah. Breanna, um.

You know, I-I-I-I can understand

why she maybe doesn't, you know, wanna do certain things.

I mean, don't you ever think there's... I don't know, you could do something else?

- Something, something different? - All the time.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like when I'm jumping off a building.

I think, "I could be jumping off a crane. Off a dam.

Out of any combination of high altitude fast-moving vehicles.

Maybe from one to another."

Yeah. That's, uh... exactly what I meant.

Hmm.

So we don't have time to cut the stones,

but limestone mortar is highly reactive to carbon.

So, force water through a charcoal filter at high velocity,

it's gonna melt the mortar between the stones.

[sighs] We stole a gold owl,

we were in a car chase and got shot at,

and now we're cutting through a tunnel full of skulls

with magic water. [chuckles]

How does this day get better?

I'll tell you ho...

So, Mike, uh, everyone here, like me, or like us, is selling natural resources?

Well, uh, Hector from the Moroccan government,

he's auctioning his country's phosphates.

And, uh, Jaime, he's from Brazil,

he's arranging the auction of pre-salt oil fields.

Bulgaria is auctioning off energy production,

very popular right now.

Germany and Guatemala both doing that.

But I am a water guy.

But there are a lot of government officials here

and... and you... you did say that government was an issue?

Most of these auctions are "government" auctions

with a million different side deals

that you wouldn't necessarily want the press or regulators looking at.

And as far as the money's coming in, well, you know, somebody shows up

with $50 million in cash to invest in the water business,

I ain't gonna ask where that money came from.

But they're good partners.

With the occasional...

bone saw party, but that's why we do these get-togethers now.

Get all the real deals out of the way

so that most of the official business is just an afterthought.

[scoffs]

[limestone cracking]

[smacks lips, sighs]

Empty. An empty vault.

Now why would they waste a perfectly good vault?

[Hardison] So the hostage isn't in there?

[Parker] Oh, no. She's here. I just meant nothing valuable.

Hi. I'm Parker. Hardison's down there.

- [Hardison sneezes] - He's busy getting French superpowers.

So, what's your deal with New Mexico Fred?

I believe it's Colorado Bob.

Back in the US, he's drilled our town dry.

He claims he hasn't, but he was drilling one county over,

and we know he tapped our aquifer.

He's selling our water.

He even has the nerve to sell it back to us in water trucks.

You're trying to stop him.

The government's fined him, not enough to even notice.

And we're in litigation, but by the time we win,

if we win, our town will be dead.

Water is life.

Water is pure profit.

That's what I realized.

And not just for food production anymore. You know that, uh, crypto, Bitcoin thing?

- Oh, yes. - Every transaction,

4,000 gallons of water,

enough to produce two pounds of grade A beef.

Yeah, well, we created a money that eats.

[chuckles] I never thought of it that way before.

So, uh, y'all want to get in a bid,

I got a tanker full of fresh water sitting in the Port of New Orleans.

Let me speak to my partners.

Better hurry.

[winces, stammers]

Is it difficult to maintain and-and to groom-- Hang on one sec.

- Sophie? - Harry. What do you have?

Neddleton, Mississippi hasn't had a drop of water for three years.

Somebody, and I'm guessing you know who,

has drilled sideways from their field into the Neddleton Aquifer

and caused it to collapse.

And how solid is the evidence?

Well... [sighs] ...uh, there is a visible sinkhole.

You're not going to believe this.

There is a tanker ship full of water in the Port of New Orleans.

Well, that fits.

You know, I think your guy's been pumping and shipping these people's water overseas

and profiting every day that this case slowly winds its way through the courts.

Did you say Russian gangsters are after you?

You need to get to that port, Harry. Maybe we can interfere with the shipment.

Okay.

Parker. Hostage update?

No. No, I'm not going anywhere. Okay?

Arizona Mike, he keeps all his servers, all his records,

in this villa, outside the US.

And I need to find evidence that he's breaking the law.

I don't think he is. I think the law just sucks.

Now get in the hole.

No.

Please.

[Sophie] Oh, no. It's all right. If she's willing to stay, let her.

I've got the inkling of a plan.

And I don't want anyone to be alerted if they come looking for her.

And what, pray tell, is this plan?

We're gonna rob that vault.

- [Parker] This vault is empty. - I know.

But if there's nothing in the vault to heist,

we'll bring the heist to the vault.

We're working with limited tools here.

I mean, most of these people,

even the outright criminals are working within the legal protection...

uh, of their governments, so we can't use that as a lever.

And don't forget about the terrorists, huh?

Yeah, there's a few terrorists here, too.

They won't care about the bad publicity.

No. We need to blow up this auction from the inside.

Make sure that he doesn't auction off

that tanker and at least give Isabelle's people a fighting chance.

Sophie, this is an auction, right?

You're probably gonna have lines of credits, deposits.

You're gonna have to have a buy-in before you can even make a bid.

Well, Montana Pete. I get his computer, I can see all those accounts,

but I probably can't steal anything.

I don't want you to take anything out.

I want you to put money in.

[growling, barking]

[panting]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get it. - Mmm. Mmm.

- It's just, I mean... - I see and I get it.

Yeah, I see why they selected you. Yeah, yeah. It's... It's in the eyes.

- Do you see the eyes? Yeah. Yeah. - Mmm. So full of eye stuff. So sensual.

Shouldn't you be downstairs?

Wow, downstair... Yeah. We're gonna go back downstairs.

Okay, after we deliver this to you, so you can go upstairs. Okay?

- To the Red Room. - To the Red Room.

- I don't know what-- - You see the crowd downstairs, right?

- They are very rich. Crazy rich. Right. - Rules don't apply to them rich.

You know they like to get their freak on.

- Their freak-freak. Eh? Yeah, yeah. - Oh, so freaky. The Red Room.

You know what I'm talking about. Eyes. Wide. Shut. [chuckles]

- You know what I'm saying, freaky. Ku... - Like Kubrick's best film?

- That's not his best film... What the-- - No, it's top five. What...

[sighs, stammers] Anyway, you got the vibe.

They saw you downstairs and they want you

to join them in the Red Room.

All right, so this is what I need you to do.

I need you to put on your mask, all right? And we're gonna... Here we go.

All right, you're gonna go upstairs to the main bedroom.

The orgy coordinator, Francisco, he's gonna come down there and get you.

To the Red Room.

Mm-hmm. Go on. You go get it, slugger.

[sighs]

[both] He nasty.

Feel like you're hiding something from me.

[sighs] Look, I'm... I'm sorry, babe.

It's just I... I-I just... I don't wanna do this anymore.

You don't want to crime anymore? You wanna go straight?

No, no, that ship has sailed.

But I mean, this, the running around, the getting shot at, the skull tunnels.

Ooh.

- You want these bank documents? - Yes.

And by the way, there will be more shooting

because Sophie seems to have forgotten

that Gustav Ekimov is still out there looking for us.

Yeah, but that's the fun stuff. I mean, this is the fun stuff.

Yeah, it's only fun because I do it with you

and Eliot and Sophie and Breanna and Harry when he's around.

[typing]

Even jumping off buildings isn't fun anymore?

Yeah, it's fun with you

because I love you, and I love doing stuff with you.

Mmm.

Well, we could do more of your fun stuff.

Like, what kind of fun stuff are you doing over here right now?

Well, right now, I'm making $2.70 microtransactions

into the accounts of all the people

who have trusted Arizona Mike to hold their funds.

- [exclaims] - Okay... Okay. Okay. Okay.

- [exclaims] - Go steal something.

I mean, what can I tell them? It's just not my problem.

- [laughs] - [laughs] See ya.

So, we wanna bid and offer physical assets for collateral.

Now, this is special. It's a 14th century--

[stammers] Okay, but we don't do that.

Everybody just linked a holding account to my main account for their guarantee.

You must've done that already.

No. [stammers] Russians have been sanctioned. All our bank accounts.

We don't risk putting anything online. It can all be seized.

- Oh, I get that. I guess, but-- - [stammers] Hold up.

You're making bank transfers the size necessary for these deals online?

With a legitimate bank?

- It's gotta hold up in court. - We gotta go now.

[stammers] That was a close shave.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait... [stammers] ...hang on. What's going on?

Listen to me, American to American,

I guarantee you, Interpol, all the tax agencies,

they're piggybacking on your legit accounts

so they can find off-book accounts for everybody here.

And they're gonna seize 'em, covering every bank in Europe.

Nobody's missing any funds. They would've said something.

No, not taking. They deposit.

That's how they test they have the accurate account details...

Micro-deposits.

A bank goes on alert when you make a withdrawal,

but they accept deposits automatically.

You don't trust me, go ask 'em.

Everybody, uh... [stammers] ...quick word.

We have a possible security issue.

Uh, if you could all just contact your institutions

and check if there's been any unusual account activity,

specifically small deposits.

Hey, look, man, it's better to find out now, huh?

Before they seize everybody's accounts.

'Cause some of these guys, they don't look too forgiving.

It takes eight months to put these meetings together.

I mean, there's gotta be a way to do business.

Too risky for us. I'm gonna take my little owl and go.

Wait, wait, wait, hang on. You can't be the only one.

I don't follow.

I got millions in artwork on my walls. I've got gemstones.

Everybody else will too, right?

Well, this crowd? In Paris? Sure.

I mean, all the crooks are gonna have valuables,

even the legit ones are gonna have hard assets, but...

Hey... Hey, uh, folks. Everybody, um...

listen... [sighs] ...we all worked for months to put together these deals,

and nobody wants to lose these opportunities.

So the thing is, is that everybody has to have skin in the game.

So I have a proposal.

Okay, I'm at the port. I only had to drive 90 miles an hour to get here.

How am I supposed to get in?

I can't exactly hack the tanker's details from outside. That's Breanna's job.

Harry, come on, you've been with us for three years now.

I have faith that you've become enough of a con man to get into a port.

[laughs] Wh... Uh... Um...

Uh-huh-huh. Yes. Yes, I've got this.

Right down this way, guys. Head on down that hall. Very, very nice.

We're going down to the basement.

[Eliot] Well, that was a hell of a gamble, huh?

You just assuming that all these criminals had hard assets in Paris?

It wasn't a gamble. You know violence, I know rich people.

Rich people, they love to show off all their pretty little things,

even when they know they shouldn't.

And they would never pass up the chance to think they're outwitting the authorities.

You know, the little people who maintain all the rules.

I never thought I'd ever say this, but I think that may be too much stuff to steal.

Is stealing still fun? Tell me stealing's still fun.

Oh, it's very fun.

But Parker has a point. It's a lot of cookies down there in that jar.

I made a note of who brought what.

Look. Go down there and clear out these items.

They belong to the richest, most vengeful people here.

And if they lose trust in the host, then the whole auction falls apart.

- [cell phone ringing] - Oh, it's Harry. I'm putting him through.

Harry, did you get the information on the tanker?

Yes, and you're not gonna like it.

[grunts] Oh. I'm missing the cake! [grunts, inhales deeply]

Hey, your tanker's supposed to be auctioned off, right?

Well, it already has a destination set. King Abdul Aziz Port.

Oh. Go eat cake.

So, Arizona Mike already cut a side deal with the Saudis.

So even if we disrupt this auction,

he's still gonna keep pumping Isabelle's town dry and shipping out their water.

We need to do more than just screw up tonight's event.

We need to disrupt his entire business model. Right now.

I think we got bigger problems than that.

[Gustav speaking Russian]

[speaking Russian]

Oh, you are, how you say, uh, a vor. A thief. But maybe you are.

Sir... [chuckles] ...you were not invited to this party.

These are my invitation. Da!

[speaking Russian]

I'm pretty sure I punched one of those guys.

Forget about stealing anything. Go down there and get Isabelle out.

No time to circle back through the catacombs.

No. Go through the front. Take Eliot with you.

[gasps]

[whispers, indistinct]

What are you doing?

[sighs] The one thing nobody who's chasing you expects you to do.

I'm gonna go say hi.

We're just trying to do business here. I'm sure we can work something out.

- Mmm. - Who is this man?

Who are you?

[speaking Russian]

[in Russian] Yes. Good, you can translate?

Of course-- Mr. Ekimov, yes?

[in English] I can translate.

[in Russian] Do I know you?

I was at the auction house earlier, but I had to leave.

Yes, yes, for this I am here! Men stole from me, valuable art.

[in English] Then I find their van outside this house.

[in Russian] So they work for you?

[in English] My house?

No, there are no thieves at my hou... No, my security is impeccable.

There are no thieves.

Does he know what they look like?

[in Russian] You know what they look like?

Yes, soon.

We got security footage, they'll send it soon.

They tell me, it's a good photo of woman with dark hair.

[in English] Oh. Well, that's excellent news.

[grunts] I've lost a lot of blood, okay? My left arm doesn't work.

Uh. [stammers] Man.

[Parker] Ooh, I know what our problem is.

Eliot has to fight the Mountain?

No, you're not having fun doing my stuff or your stuff.

- You gotta try Eliot's stuff. - [breathes heavily] What?

[gasps] You fight him, I'll pick the lock.

He can't... He's not gonna be able to beat--

- You're already hurt anyway. - [grunts] I--

- Let's go! - [clicks tongue]

[inhales deeply, groans]

Parker. Parker!

You got any advice?

- I told you to be clear with her, man. - [breathes heavily]

You know we handle our emotional stuff before we get into a job.

No, I meant--

[grunts, panting, groans]

[grunts, groans]

No, I mean for him.

- Oh. He's gonna whoop your ass. - [groans]

I don't know what he's talking about.

There are no thieves working here or hiding here.

[speaks Russian]

[in English] He wants to know why their vehicle is parked outside.

Maybe if they're stealing from Mr. Ekimov, then they're targeting you too.

I mean, you do have fine art and antiquities?

No.

No. I mean, not until maybe about an hour ago,

but it's not even my anti... It's their antiquities.

It's my antiquities.

Left guard... Your left guard!

- [grunting] - [Eliot] Slip!

[pants] I got him!

- You-You better duck. - What? [grunts]

Don't do the... [stammers]

[grunting, panting]

This whole time, I'm out here getting my ass beat.

[Eliot] Let's go.

[Hardison panting, sniffs]

[grunting]

- [Eliot] Nope. - [grunting]

[sighs]

Time to go.

[yells] Damn it, Hardison! Did you really try the Vulcan Spock thing again?

- It's gonna work one of these days. - [chuckles]

[sighs] No.

[lock clicks]

Ah, good. Pictures of thief. It's woman with dark hair.

[Sophie] Hey! Look at this. Thieves did try to get in here.

What? Now, hold on. Nobody knew there'd be anything in here.

Who breaks in to an empty vault?

Oh. Well, I can tell you right now, this painting alone is worth over $12 million.

Huh. Yes. Thieves come to your house and is hole in tunnel.

But no, is a big, uh, sovpadeniye.

"Coincidence."

- [stammers] Again... - Coincidence.

...there was nothing in here worth stealing.

Not until you asked people to bring items of value. Demanded it.

No, there was only... Oh, where's the girl?

Ah, girl. This girl?

Hmm?

All right. Gustav's phone's in range. I'm sending him security footage.

I thought you wiped that.

I did, but I kept a copy for just this reason.

All right, well, you're slowing us down, man.

Hey, you try to hack and edit a photo at the same time in a damn sewer.

It's a crypt.

Not helping.

Oh. You took us for fools. That-That whole song and dance.

Yelling at the girl so we wouldn't suspect anything if we saw her in the vault.

We wouldn't question it.

All right, it does appear to be the same girl,

but there's no evidence that she stole anything.

[speaking Russian]

Ooh, ooh.

That is mine. Stolen.

You did know. Thief.

[stammers] Maybe they left it behind.

Oh, da. Y-Y-Yes, thieves, they leave behind all the time.

W-W-W-Wait. That's yours?

That woman tried to use it earlier. Yeah! Yeah, it was--

Oh.

- [speaking Russian] - [inhales sharply]

[stammers, sighs]

[cell phone beeps]

Hi, Astrid. It's me.

Look, I, um, I just wanted to apologize again and offer you a makeup gift.

Right now, on a road on the outskirts of Paris,

there is a convoy of cars carrying undeclared assets,

stolen art and physical evidence

of corruption involving dozens of government employees.

Hardison's gonna send you a pin. So, there you go.

[grunts]

Happy birthday, darling.

[Harry] He's looking at multiple lawsuits,

multiple securities and commodities fraud in-- [clears throat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. I feel you, Bre. For real.

That's some cool tech. Yeah, you know, Parker and me,

we actually, um, we-we pulled a job at a university once.

There was a bomb. We jumped on a train.

[stammers] We gonna skip that. [stammers] Skip. Love you.

Um, no, no, no. I'm gonna stay in New Orleans till you get back.

Yeah. No, I ain't going nowhere.

Yeah, as I was saying, uh, so many lawsuits.

Multiple securities and commodities fraud investigations.

About half the guests got arrested with all sorts of undeclared

and illegal items on them.

Sophie, wanna tell them about the, uh--

[gasps] Astrid got a commendation.

- Hey! - [chuckles] From Sterling!

- Ugh. - Seriously?

[Harry inhales sharply] Uh, also,

Arizona Mike's Paris estate mysteriously caught fire soon after your visit.

Oh, Gustav. Bit of a drinker. With anger issues.

Yeah, the arson wasn't very well hidden,

so they can add, uh, insurance fraud to Arizona Mike's list of troubles.

In fact, his businesses are in such turmoil

that with the help of a corporate lawyer,

Isabelle and her neighbors were able to freeze

all of his activities near Neddleton,

and those folks are well on their way to getting their lives back.

Damage was done though. [sighs] I think we got into this one a little too late.

Which is my point. I wanna fix things.

Not just stop things. I want to fix things.

You know, solve problems like this.

But, like, solve their problems for the long term.

I mean, this life, moving from con to con, case to case.

[stammers] I could never do that.

But you have your refugee work and your charity work.

Yeah, crisis after crisis after... A-And I'm not quitting that.

And I'm not quitting us.

Look, we stop bad guys nobody stops.

That's why we do this.

I just need to figure out how I can keep doing this.

I'm taking six months. That's it. Just like Sophie did.

You know, when we started this,

all I wanted was to prove that I was the absolute best.

And that version of me... [stammers] ...I mean, as brilliant and...

[sighs] ...sexy and talented

- and funny and amazing as he was... - [Eliot] Yeah, all right. All right.

I gotta move on from him.

Like Violet Cesario.

- Ooh, you figured it out. - [Hardison chuckles]

Figured out what? What did he figure out? Whose ID is that?

Okay. It's my dating profile.

- [Harry] What? [laughs] - [Parker laughs] Ooh!

- [Eliot] Oh. - [Sophie] Thank you.

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, wow.

Well, look, it's been three years, and I think it's--

Time to move on.

[Harry] Oh, this is great. This is great.

You know, I'm dating again. Becky's out of the house.

It's empty nest time, so I'm on the apps.

We could be app buddies.

- Ooh, that's a wonderful idea. - Mmm.

I'd rather die.

Oh, come on. Eliot can give us some dating tips.

We could double-date in his car 'cause it's so cool.

- What? No. No, no. No. - Hey, Sophie, come on.

Give some... Give me some tips on my profile.

I don't want any part of that.

You know she's gonna need your help on this one.

Ah, we'll both be here for her.

[stammers, sighs]

Hey, how you doing?

[inhales deeply] Part of the job.

Hey. You know, maybe...

Maybe one of the reasons I wanna get out of the field is, uh,

I don't like watching someone I care about take punches meant for me.

You know, maybe I don't wanna do a job

that involves me watching you get hurt all the time.

[inhales sharply] You know...

[inhales sharply] I think that Vulcan pinch thing you did

actually worked this time.

Oh, I felt him flinch.

- You did? Hmm. Did he? - He flinched. Yeah.

- My guy. - [winces] Ow. Damn it.

Oh, yeah, my... Just walk that off. You got that. I believe in you.

[sighs] Hey. So, it's all good.

I mean, people are sharing sexy times, you know?

[chuckles] Sorry I'm gonna miss it.

You all right?

It's a feelings thing. I hate those.

I know.

[sighs]

Everybody changed. I thought we were done changing.

Well, you know, sweetie... I think people change at their own rate.

And in their own direction.

Is Breanna going to college?

She hasn't decided.

But look, uh, yeah, Sophie and dating, Breanna and school, Eliot and his dad.

Uh, Harry and whatever weird stuff he's always got happening.

- I-- [laughs] - [sighs]

There's gonna be a lot of work going on this year. Not just me.

Okay. Well, six months.

Yeah.

I could think about that too. Even though it makes my skull so itchy.

[inhales sharply] You know, one thing that'll never change.

[clicks tongue, sighs] Pretzels. They are perfect.

They are perfect.

[grunts]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

So, you, like... You been working out?

Mmm. Lifted Eliot's truck a lot.

Mmm. The whole truck?

Mmm. With him in it.

That's sexy.

[Sophie] The ultimate con.

Fortune favors the beautiful but it can also be cruel to the sincere.

Good people get fooled easier. They're weak like that.

The last thing you wanna do around here is piss off the mayor.

See, money ain't the point. Money's just a way to get power.

[person] Parker versus Astrid.

Two women you care deeply about, unknowingly placed in the same game.

All right, then we burn the whole place down.

[Breanna] Edgar Ramirez.

Parker's trying to expose this guy for child labor.

Cases with kids set me off a little.

A little?

Well, you all have your side jobs.

- [grunts] - [groans]

- [grunts] - [grunts]

You wanna do this again?

Did you get those robot parts I asked for?

The very illegal robot parts?

Like I said, the good ones.

[Sophie] Where did you learn to make a proper cup of tea?

Learned a lot about British culture. Some of it just yesterday.

You created a fake guy,

but the judge would only deal with a real guy,

so you found a real guy to fool her?

Exactly.

That'll be my rescue.

[exclaims]

Parker. It's an '82. Mmm.

[Donovan] As much as I respect a good hustle,

you two are in danger of over-fishing my pond.

What is this place?

Help me. He's coming.

- Who-Who's coming? What happ-- [yells] - [strains]

This is gonna be fun.

- "All hail the queen of the con?" [laughs] - Hey!

Diabolical!