Original subtitles

- The gong has a variety of uses in China.

Allow me to demonstrate the most obvious one--

to wake someone up.

- [loud clang] - I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!

- Even with all that crusty drool all over his face,

he's still adorable.

- Sarah, as your friend, I have to tell you

that gong would treat you better than my brother would.

- This week's assignment is to break into groups

and do a presentation on Chinese culture.

- Yes! I love working in groups.

- Only because it's less work for you.

- Yeah, more like no work.

Now to find a group of nerds to call my own.

- All right, I know you're not talking about my group,

because we are not nerds.

- Come on, Phoebe, all aboard the "A"-plus train!

- ALL: Choo-choo!

- You're right, you're not nerds,

you're clearly dweebs.

- Yeah, call us whatever you want,

there is no other group I'd rather be in.

- Be in our group, Phoebe.

- Except that one!

- Ha...

- Two groups. One girl.

What will Phoebe do?

- Get out of my face, Max.

- Will she go with Winnie, the popular girl

she's been trying to be friends with for a year?

Or will she stay with Sarah and board

the boring train to Dweebville?

- Well, I mean, Sarah is my friend.

- Winnie could be your friend, too,

and not make you dress up like you're going to

a third-grader's birthday party.

- Oh, we should send a picture of us

to the yearbook for the selfie page.

Say "China!"

- ALL: China! - [cell phone camera clicking]

- I can't believe Phoebe ditched us.

Now who are we gonna get?

- Hey, Sarah, can I join your-- - MAX: [powers zapping]

- Ooh!

- What's up, group?

Heard your train needs a caboose.

Choo-choo!

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Hey, Sarah, look, I'm so sorry I'm not with you guys.

It's just that Winnie's group really needs me.

And you get it, don't you?

- Sure, I get it--you're hoppin' off the "A"-plus train.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Good luck on the "D"-plus bus.

- Guys, I am really excited about this group.

You feelin' the love, Tyler?

- You stole my bike last week.

- Hey, I did you a favor.

That thing fell apart the moment I busted it.

- Sarah, I don't think Max is gonna do much.

- Why would you say that? - Because he's leaving.

- Max! Get back here!

- [groaning loudly]

[sighing loudly]

- Look, you'll always be my bae.

But you need to take this project as seriously

as I take our forbidden love.

- Believe me, I want the "A," too.

That's the only reason I joined this group.

- Great! So, what's your idea for the project?

- Uh, I don't know. What's yours?

- Build a Chinese dragon. - Me, too, bae!

- So, I was thinking after school

we could work on our project at the library.

- Oooh, is that the new club downtown?

- No, it's the place we go to learn things.

- Phoebe's right. We'll meet at the mall.

- That's not what I said. - Yay, the mall.

- All right, let's check our "to-do" list.

First thing-- write a "to-do" list.

- BOTH: Did it! - [palms slap]

- All right, then I'll fix the dishwasher.

- I can pick up dry cleaning.

- I'll mow the lawn. The only other thing is--

- [floorboards cracking] - BOTH: Fix the floorboards.

- Oh, Billy! Are you okay?

- The house ate my legs!

- You just fell in the floor that dad was supposed to fix.

- Sorry, buddy, I've just been busy.

- I don't think you've been that busy.

That chandelier's been sitting in its box so long

that it's turned into an end table!

- Okay, I'll just put it on the "to-do" list--

right after "ground Nora for being sassy."

- Yeah, you kids have no idea how hard we work around here.

- Is that why we had a salt and pepper sandwich

for dinner last night?

- We didn't have time to go shopping.

- Oh, is that a new necklace?

- I meant food shopping.

- Cut her some slack.

Your clothes are clean and the house is spotless.

- BARB: Mm-hm. - Is it, Dad? Is it?

- [objects clattering]

- [suitcase thudding]

- So, you two think it's so easy to cook, clean,

repair things and do everything else

while you two just enjoy your little lives?

- Kind of. - I think so.

- Okay, so you can take care of the house

and try to do better while we enjoy our little lives.

- Fine, but if we do better running this house,

then we get to be in charge around here from now on.

- We'll tell you what to eat, when to go to bed,

and ground you for being sassy.

- Deal--and when you fail, you two will finally appreciate

what your father and I do around here.

- Including making really great lists.

- Uh, is pull your son out of the sinkhole

on that "great" list?

- No, but I will add it.

- We are nailing this dragon, guys.

- You know, Max, we've been doing this for a couple of days

and I'm not sure I've seen you leave that chair.

- [laughing] Oh, Ernie...

- It's Evan. - Let's agree to disagree.

- Max, Evan's right. You need to do your part.

But it's getting hot,

so if you want to put on a tank top, that's fine.

- Wow, guys, your dragon looks awesome.

I'm impressed. - You're impressed?

What? You didn't think

we could do something so cool without you?

- No, no, I'm just surprised Max hasn't dragged you down.

His nickname around our house is "dead weight."

- Don't listen to her, Sarah.

She's jealous 'cause our group works so well together.

Ernie, refill!

- So, how's your group coming along?

- It's going great.

I mean, all those girls wanna do is work, work, work.

- You forgot all the clothes you bought at the mall.

- Thanks, Winnie. [laughing]

These are for research.

Haven't you ever heard of the Great Mall of China?

- No.

- Well, don't you feel silly.

- Uh-oh, my cheeks are tingling.

That means it's gonna rain-- or this glue contains shellfish!

- I should have never said "Hi" to you in the fourth grade.

- Max, we have to leave, so after the paper mache dries,

can you put it in the garage? - On it.

- Maybe we should come back and put it away ourselves.

- Tyler, Max said he'll do it.

Would someone with dimples you could swim in let us down?

- Guys, relax. I'm not an idiot.

I'll bring our dragon inside before it rains.

- [thunder crashing, wind gusting]

- I should wake Max up

and tell him that paper dragon's out there.

- [thunder crashing]

- [sighing] Wow, it's really rainin'.

Wait, did I forget something?

- Nope. Go back to bed.

- MAX: [sniffling]

- I'm a bad, bad bunny.

[quietly laughing]

- [thunder crashing] - Mm-hm.

- [yawning]

- [footsteps pounding]

- Hank, what are you doing?

- The kids fixed the floorboards.

It's perfect. I can't believe it.

- This must have taken them all night.

Do I smell bacon? - HANK: [sniffing]

Apple hickory with a hint of maple.

Ten pieces. [sniffing]

No, nine. Someone's eating it!

- Wow, kids, breakfast, too?

When did you find time to do all this?

- Got up early and just did it.

- We work best in the morning, you know,

when you two are sleeping in.

- Well, this is all very nice.

Too bad I was in the mood for pancakes.

- BILLY: [zooming]

- Please, it's gonna take a lot more than a fixed floor

and a hot breakfast to impress us, am I right, Hank?

- The syrup is warm.

Warm!

- Look, girls, Phoebe's rocking her new shoes.

Love them!

- You know what else you're gonna love?

The project topics I came up with last night.

All stuff we can put together by tomorrow.

- Oh, Phoebe, we'll be fine. We'll wing it.

As long as we look good, we'll get a "C".

- A "C"? You guys want a "C"?

- Oh, my gosh, daddy would be so happy if I got a "C".

- Hey, listen, how about we'll meet at my house after school.

We'll work really hard and nail this thing.

Imagine how happy daddy would be, if you got an "A".

- Shoot, I can't tonight. I have plans.

- Yeah, me, too.

I've gotta babysit my little brother.

- But you're an only child.

- Busted!

Sorry, I just really don't wanna do it.

- Listen, I can't do this by myself.

You guys are gonna have to put in some of the work or,

and I'm sorry to have to say this,

I can't be part of the group.

- Okay.

- Great. Let's get to work.

- No, I mean, okay, you're not part of the group.

- [sighing] Hey, Sarah, uh, crazy morning.

It turns out my group kinda doesn't like to focus,

so we parted ways.

- But if you don't have a group, you'll fail.

- Which is why I wanna get back on the old "A"-plus train.

Choo-choo!

- Sorry, that train's full.

Maybe you can catch the next one to the Great Mall of China.

- [laughing] But there is no Great Mall of--

oh, I see what you did there.

- Hi, uh, just a quick heads up.

I ran into a little snafu with that whole group project thing,

so I think I'm just gonna solo, you know, Team Phoebe!

Party of one!

Party of fun!

- I'm sorry, but being in a group is part of the assignment.

You have to be able to work with people or you fail.

- But all the groups are full.

- SARAH: You did what?

- Holy hog wart, our dragon is ruined!

- How could you forget to put it inside of the garage?

- Well, I was going to, but...

I was so tired from carrying around these muscles all day--

I fell asleep.

- Oh, getting the proper amount of sleep is so-o-o-o important.

- Don't look at his muscles!

- He's right. Let them look at you. [clicking tongue]

- Okay, Sarah, I am taking your glasses.

- Tyler! Now I can't see anything.

Except the truth!

Max, you're out of the group!

You can still date me,

but we are never working together again!

- [loud thud]

- Phoebe, I think you have the answer to your problem.

Max, come over here.

- Oh, great idea.

Give me Max's spot in Sarah's group.

- You're in a group with Phoebe.

Party of two! Party of wahoo! Hoo! Hoo!

- Try to get us at least a "B", sis.

I've gotta keep up the old GPA. [laughing]

- Honey, have you seen my raincoat?

- Uh, check the hall closet.

- I was afraid you'd say that.

[gasping]

Uh, Barb?

- What is it?

When? How?

What is happening?

- You always wanted a new bathroom,

so me and Billy put in some elbow grease and voilà!

Toilet's self-flushing. - [toilet flushing]

- Enjoy!

- This isn't fair.

They're running the house better than we can.

They even hung the chandelier you never got to.

- Yeah, I wasn't gonna hang that.

- We cannot let them win this bet.

Can you imagine what our lives will be like

with them in charge.

- [toy car horn honking]

- How do you guys like your new clothes?

- We hate them.

We can't leave the house dressed like this.

- You're not going anywhere until you finish your dinner.

- But we've had candy every night this week.

I've lost six teeth!

- [gasping] We can't let that happen.

How will I chew steak?

- We have to make sure this house falls apart

under their watch.

- Way ahead of you.

- [door handle clanking]

- Aw, look what broke.

- It's getting late, partner.

Shouldn't you be knee-deep

in some sort of glitter 'n glue extravaganza?

- I'm not gonna do our project by myself.

- Really? Because we both know I'm not helping,

so why don't you uncork that overachieving,

annoying beast that lurks inside ya and get crackin'.

- No, I'm gonna sit here and do nothing until you help.

- Are you? This is gonna be good.

[rapping table]

I'm gonna have a snack 'n watch you crack.

[chomping apple]

- ♪

- Oh! Fine! You win!

- Finally!

I'm sick of eating apples.

- Do you wanna know why I'm making

Chinese food for our project?

- Because my plan worked?

- Because that's what superheroes do.

When they have a team, they pull through for their team.

Not that you would know anything about that.

- Really, superhero?

If you hadn't been so anxious to hang with Winnie,

you'd still be in Sarah's group and their dragon would be fine.

- But you ruined their dragon.

- I was only in Sarah's group because you ditched them.

- Typical Max. "Wasn't my fault."

- My motto since 2005.

- This act of yours is getting really old.

You're not lazy, looking for an easy "A", you're afraid.

Isn't that why you became a supervillain, 'cause you

were afraid you couldn't be a better superhero than me?

Did you ever try?

- I'm not even dignifying that with a response--

because I am lazy and because you're holding a big knife.

- Everything you do you are.

It's because you're afraid of failure.

You think it's easier not to try

than to try and end up failing.

That should be your motto.

[sighing]

[powers zapping]

- [water gurgling]

- Ah!

- Maybe you should focus more on your food and less on me.

- They're supposed to do that.

- They think they're so great

because they can hang a chandelier.

Well, they're gonna chandelier their pants

when this comes crashing down.

- [electrical zapping]

- [laughing] Okay!

I just scorched the flower garden they planted.

Let's see them grow that back overnight.

- Whoa, good job, honey!

- What are you doing?

- I just took this bolt out of the chandelier.

When the kids go to clean it, boom!

Brilliant, huh?

- No, crazy!

I just scorched a few tulips.

You're gonna maim our children.

- It's a learning opportunity, Barb.

- Hank...

- Good morning.

Final day of our bet.

- What's with the ladder?

- [sighing] All right. I'll be honest with you.

Your mom rigged the chandelier

to make it fall so you'd look bad.

- Wow, you are so grounded when we win this bet.

- You guys did win the bet.

You've been running this house better than we have

and making it look easy.

- Seriously, you made maple bacon.

And I almost dropped a light fixture on your head.

I shouldn't be the boss of anything.

- Congratulations.

- Hear that, Billy? We're in charge now.

Hank, Barb, clear out the master bedroom.

We're starting a guinea pig farm.

- Mom, Dad, wait.

- Billy, what are you doing?

- Sorry, Nora, but we don't deserve

to be guinea pig farmers.

The truth is we tried to do the housework,

but you were right-- it was too hard.

So we called some of your old friends

from Metroburg to help us.

- Billy, no. - Come on out, guys.

- Maid of Honor?

Handy Man.

Oh, the Green Thumb!

- Uh, stranger danger.

- You guys were doing all the work?

- Yep.

- Well, at least now we know

it takes three superheroes to take care of the house.

- Four!

- Iron Skillet made the trip, too?

- Up! Up! And filet!

- I miss you guys so much.

You the most.

- Way to go, Billy.

- I'm sorry, but what we did was wrong.

I'm just glad no one got hurt.

- [chandelier creaking, crashing]

- HANDY MAN: Oh!

- I'm just glad we didn't get hurt.

- ♪

- BILLY: [zooming]

- Billy, you found one! Oh, thank you so much.

- Sorry I'm late.

I got lost inside the Great Mall of China.

- It's real?

- You're the one doing the project on China.

You should know these things. [zooming]

- This is the saddest dragon ever.

- I wish we had a better one.

Oh, right, we did.

- Oh, great, you and Max stole our idea.

Thanks a lot.

- This is for you guys.

- Like I said--thanks a lot. [laughing]

- Look, I should have been in your group from the start.

I messed up and let you guys down.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay. Thanks for saying something.

To be honest, I miss you. - PHOEBE: [laughing]

- I wanna be the head! - No, I want to!

- I miss you so so much. - PHOEBE: [laughing]

- Sabrina's top is made in China,

as was Emma's shoes and my hair tie and my purse and my phone.

- Okay, that's enough.

You girls get a "C".

- Yes, a "C"!

Daddy is getting me a new car!

- PHOEBE: [sighing]

- Maybe next time try to go the extra mile--

like Sarah's group and their dragon.

- ALL: Choo-choo!

- Next up, Phoebe and Max.

- Um, actually, Max isn't here yet.

- Well, as they say in China...

tough noogies.

- Um, okay, so Max and I wanted to celebrate China

by making egg rolls. - [egg rolls thudding]

- Uh, sorry, guys, they're... they're still good.

Uh, in China, the five second rule

is a ten second rule due to the time difference.

We're getting an "F" aren't we?

- [fireworks exploding]

- Oh, my gosh, fireworks!

- [fireworks continue]

- Behold!

One of China's oldest traditions.

Fireworks are used in celebration,

but were originally used to scare off spirits

and sisters who think they're better than their brothers.

- Max, you set off fireworks on school grounds?

- Phoebe and I did. As a group.

- Actually, Mrs. Austin--

- I love it! - That is exactly what we did.

Max and I are in the same group and this is our project.

♪ Ta-da! ♪

- Well, what do the Chinese characters say?

- Uh... - Don't be modest, Phoebe.

It was Phoebe's idea to have the fireworks spell out--

"it's better to try and fail than not try at all."

- Yes! Yes! The Thundermans get an "A"!

- ALL: [applauding]

- Nice job. - Thanks.

I was up all night twisting fuses

and packing bootleg gunpowder.

- Well, it was worth it. Thank you.

Now you can tell me what those characters really spell out.

- Oh, "Phoebe smells like a wet donkey."

- Clever.

Egg roll?

- Sure!

- ♪

- ♪