Original subtitles

- ♪

- Hey, look at you on your first day of work.

You even look adorable covered in Splat spew.

- Yeah, I'm all dirty from cleaning the tubes.

Jay Jay doesn't know how I do it.

[arm squeaking]

- Wow, now I know who to call when I accidentally

flush an earring down the toilet.

- Yep, you call me, I'll call a plumber.

- Well, anyway, good luck with your first day of work

and stay on your toes--

all 11 of them. - Shhh. Quiet.

You're the only person who knows about my bonus toe.

Well, you and that dude at the sandal store.

- Hey, I think your bonus toe is cute.

- Well, I don't. It's my secret shame.

My hairy, pointed- the-wrong-way shame.

- Link, you can trust me, okay?

We're in the secret-sharing phase now that

we're officially "Phoebink." - Unh.

- "Linkebe." - Uh...

- Okay, our names don't go together,

but we do. - BOTH: [laughing]

- Guys, I found us a new drummer.

This is Wolfgang.

- That's a weird name.

What's up? I'm Oyster.

- And I'm Gideon.

I'm kinda the heart throb of this band.

- Wolfgang is exactly what we've been looking for.

There's just one tiny catch.

- [speaking German] Wolfgang!

- He's a foreign exchange student

who only speaks German.

Oh, by the way, Gideon, he lives with your family now.

- Fine, but I'm not sharing my water bed.

- How about we celebrate with a rock feast?

- [button beeping]

- One taco?

- It's all we can afford, bro.

- ALL: [clamoring]

- Hi, guys!

You're a band, right?

- Yeah--unless you're lookin' for a stolen cowbell.

Then, no. - [tapping cowbell]

- I'm holding auditions to hire a band

to play here every Saturday.

- Cool! - Awesome! - Wolfgang!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

A band of our caliber comes at a price.

- The pay is free food. - That's the price.

- Wait, how can we be the Splatburger band,

if we don't have a single good song?

- What about the new song I wrote?

Everyone will love it. Watch.

♪ Words words words words are for nerds ♪

♪ Nerds nerds nerds are using the words ♪

♪ So we won't use words ♪

- [electric guitar high notes]

- [buttons beeping]

- ♪ Words words words words are for nerds ♪

- Uh-oh, they're ordering tomatoes.

We should stop them. - Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

- You really shouldn't try so hard on your first day.

- ♪ Words are for nerds ♪ - [tomatoes splatting]

- [one note playing]

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Our band needs a new hit song and I've got nothing.

Colosso, what rhymes with snot rocket?

- You stink at writing songs--ocket.

- Whatever--like you know anything about making music.

- For your information,

I once dropped my own rap album.

- ♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ I hipped and I hopped I could go non-stop ♪

♪ Because I am a bunny and carrots are my-- ♪

- Enough!

That sounds awful.

- Yeah, well, I didn't say I wrote good music.

To do that you need to have a heart

and supervillains like us don't have one.

- Hey, I have a heart, okay? It's just...

filled with spiders and black licorice.

Maybe I don't have what it takes to write a good song.

- Link is seriously the best boyfriend ever.

- I know. I feel like every time I turn around,

he's giving you another gift.

- [arm squeaking]

- [gasping]

- [arm squeaking]

- [door closes]

- See? You're dating a gift ninja.

- Yeah, I'm running out of space in my diary

to write about him.

Seven hundred pages of passion and poetry

straight from the heart.

- The tree that died to make that diary

dies a little more every time you write in it.

- Max, if you want a hit song with meaning and passion,

you need to get that diary.

- Well, I can never find her diary.

She hides it ever since Billy did a book report on it.

- Well, then, you've gotta sneak into her room

and see where she puts it.

- How would I do that?

Hide inside of a giant teddy bear?

- ♪

- Aw, the gift ninja struck again.

[sighing]

I wonder what my sweetie wrote this time?

"Here's this. From Link."

Well, they can't all be winners.

[kisses bear]

- Dr. Colosso, you pooped in our shoes for the last time.

- You can't prove it was me.

- We found your tiny toilet paper.

- And your tiny magazines.

Maybe a ride on the twirl and hurl will teach you.

Super-spin him, Billy.

- [zooming] - COLOSSO: Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Stop spinnin' me! I'm gonna puke!

- What's going on here?

- We were just getting Dr. Colosso back

for pooping in our shoes.

- What makes you think acting like that is okay?

- Colosso! You pooped in my shoes!

I'm canceling your tiny magazine subscription--

after I cancel you. - Hank!

I think the kids have been picking up

some ugly behavior from you.

- Uh! Uh-oh, here comes lunch!

- [vomit splattering] - BARB: [screaming]

- You puked on my new shoes!

Oh, eat lightning, barf bunny!

[powers zapping] - COLOSSO: [yelping]

- Correction.

They've been picking up ugly behavior from us.

- ♪

- [door opens, closes]

- Okay, Dr. Colosso,

we've been at each other's throats lately

and that's about to end.

- Mom's gonna light him up.

- You are about to get a taste of what you deserve.

- Here it comes.

- Carrot cake!

- BILLY, NORA, COLOSSO: What?!

- We wanted to apologize

for raising our voices at you earlier.

- Oh, thanks, guys.

I look forward to pooping this into your shoes.

- Ho, ho, ho, Colosso. You are a scamp!

- What's going on here?

- Oh, I get it.

[zooming]

It's backwards day.

- Can somebody tell me what's going on here?

Billy's clothes are on backwards

and he's making more sense than you two.

- Your father and I need to set a better example.

So, from now on, we're gonna be nice to Dr. Colosso,

even if he's not being nice to us.

- Yes, because we are superheroes

and we must never stoop to a supervillain's level.

- COLOSSO: Saved ya a slice, Hank!

- [cake splatting]

- Thanks, my furry friend.

See? No stooping.

- [cake splatting]

- [laughing]

- JAY JAY: That was great. Thank you.

- Hey, Max, your new lyrics are incredible.

- [speaking German]

- You're a real softy, aren't you?

- Yeah, I'm just a big old teddy bear.

- Okay, you guys are up.

- Let's go.

All right, this song means a lot to me

as an artist, songwriter and someone who likes free food.

Hit it, boys!

- ♪

♪ You got a little secret ♪

♪ Something I never knew ♪

♪ But what's so special ♪

♪ Is the trust between me and you ♪

♪ I care about you deeply ♪

♪ I want you to know ♪

♪ I'll never speak a word about your bonus toe ♪

- ♪ Your bonus toe ♪

- ♪ It's no biggie ♪ - ♪ Your bonus toe ♪

- ♪ So get jiggy ♪ - ♪ Your bonus toe ♪

- ♪ With your extra piggy ♪

♪ I'll never speak a word about your bonus toe ♪

- That's enough! That's enough!

Wow! [laughing]

Just give us a sec, okay?

- Max, I need to talk to you.

- Sorry, Link, no autographs for dudes.

- N-N-N-No.

Did you find out about my extra toe from Phoebe?

- Oh, um, technically, yes.

Is it weird that I'm dying to see it?

- I can't believe she told you my secret.

- You'd better get some more songs ready.

You boys are the house band at Splatburger!

- CROWD: [applauding] - BAND: [hooting]

- Hey, Link. What time you gettin' off work?

I actually flushed an earring down the toilet.

- Was that before or after you flushed my trust?

- What are you talking about? - You know what you did.

I don't think we should see each other any more.

- Wait, Link, you can't just leave.

- Right, my shift's not over yet.

- ♪ Your bonus toe ♪

- Good rehearsal, guys.

- Wolfgang!

- Wolfgang's right. It wasn't good.

We just played our one song over and over.

- Yeah, bro, if we wanna keep our gig, and get free food,

we need more good songs like "Bonus Toe."

- Hey, relax. Maxie's gonna write us a hit.

You guys go home.

I just need to find my inspiration.

And by that I mean take a peek in Phoebe's diary.

- Congrats, Max.

Not only did you crush that audition,

but you also crushed your sister's heart.

[laughing]

- Come on, Phoebe'll be fine.

Link will get over it and they'll get back together.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a giant teddy bear to crawl into.

- ♪

- That Link is such a jerk for breaking up with you.

Hey, I know what'll make you feel better.

Boys are stupid!

Boys are disgusting!

Boys are--

Wait, this bear's a boy, right?

- Well, it won't tell me what I did wrong--so probably.

[sighing]

[grunt of effort] - [heavy thud]

- What's the use?

Drop-kicking this bear isn't gonna help me

find out why Link broke up with me.

But maybe this note I wrote him will.

I really poured my heart into it.

- This is the most beautiful, romantic thing I have ever read.

- Can you just take it to Link for me, please?

- Of course.

- [exhales] [grunt of effort]

- [door opens, closes]

- [heavy thudding] - MAX: [yelping]

- Cherry, wait, don't go!

- What's up?

- I really need to talk to you.

- Aw, Max.

I'm flattered, but you're my best friend's brother

and I just don't think-- - I'm not asking you out.

I wanna deliver that note to Link myself

and talk to him, guy-to-guy, to fix this.

- That is so sweet of you to help Phoebe like that.

- Okay, don't tell Phoebe I took the note.

I don't want her to think I care about her.

- You secretly have a heart.

Are you sure you don't wanna ask me out?

Yeah, because I'd say-- - [door slamming]

- Hello, new hit song.

- You talkin' to me?

Well, I'm the only holiday creature here,

so you must be talkin' to me.

- You chewed holes into all our clothes?

- I'm not answering that question

until I put on my lawyer costume.

- I can't wear these shorts.

Everyone will know that I'm going through

a "no underwear" phase.

- Hey, so, how are you two planning to get me back?

Am I gonna need a barf bag?

- Yeah, 'cause here comes the twirl and hurl!

- No, Billy!

Remember, we don't do that anymore.

- What gives?

First your parents are all sunshine to me

and now you two won't punish me?

Oh, no, am I not annoying anymore?

- Mom and dad taught us that a superhero

should never stoop to a supervillain's level.

- So, we're going to be nice to you, too--

no matter what.

- Is that so?

- Come on, Billy.

Mom said she'd take us clothes shopping at the mall.

Yes, you need to wear underwear.

- COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!

Oyster, Gideon, and strange German kid approaching.

- Hey, guys, get the new song lyrics I sent ya?

What's happening?

Are you guys okay?

- The real question is--

are you okay?

- We read your song. We know you're in pain.

- Strudel?

- Save your strudel. It's just a song, guys.

- "My heart skipped a beat when I saw you before.

But now I'm not sure my heart even works anymore."

That's not a song, bro, it's a cry for help.

- Don't you think I was just being a normal,

over-dramatic teenaged girl-- er, boy--because I'm a boy.

- Only true pain could write words like that.

I know. I was once burned pretty bad by a girl.

Like actually burned.

With a curling iron.

- We've all been there.

But Max has it worse. - I do?

- Yeah, that whole part in the song about

not knowing what you did wrong.

- [sobbing] I don't even know what I did wrong.

- I wanna help you, sweetie,

but there's only one person who can tell you that.

- [sobbing] - I know.

- [groaning] I'll be right back.

- He's not gonna eat it.

Group strudel!

- Link and I had the kind of relationship

where we could share anything with each other.

- I know you did, honey.

- Now he won't even respond to my note.

- Oh, that's because boys are stupid.

- [mouth full of ice cream] I know!

- Phoebe, I need to talk to you about Link.

- Don't say his name!

I'll be in the fridge. - [whipping cream spraying]

- Max...Max, just leave her alone.

She doesn't wanna think about you know who.

Oh, I hope she doesn't find the--

- Sausage links?!

[sobbing]

[screaming, sobbing]

- ♪

- Welcome home, family.

- Dad, what's happening?

- I don't know.

- Come on, you've all been so kind to me lately.

I wanted to make you dinner.

- Wow, Mom, Colosso's learning from your example, too.

- Yeah, I didn't expect this.

But maybe our efforts inspired change.

Nope, old leaves and grass.

We're not eating this.

- Really? What kind of lesson

are you teaching your children, if you won't even try it?

- BARB: [sighing]

Mmmm, that's some good grass.

- I can't believe we've been raking this up

and just throwing it away.

- Come on, kids, eat up.

You don't want your parents to think you're being mean to me.

- Mmm, tastes like that time I tripped in soccer.

- This is delicious! Where'd you get it?

- The Hiddenville Dog Park!

- HANK, BARB, NORA: [sputtering]

- I don't care what lesson I'm teaching my kids,

I am done being nice to you! - Let me laser him, Dad!

- I'm fryin' this bunny! - COLOSSO: [laughing]

Finally, you all hate me again!

- Wait, you want us to get mad at you?

- Yes, I'm a supervillain.

If I'm not annoying superheroes, I have nothing to live for.

- So, in a weird way, what I'm about to do

is how you prefer to be treated.

- Your move, doody-mouth.

[laughing]

Whoa-a-a-a-a-a! - [heavy thud]

- COLOSSO: Hello! That's what I'm talkin' about!

- Billy, stop eating the dog grass.

- [snarling like dog]

- Hey, make sure you open with "Bonus Toe."

That song inspired my new line of appe-toe-sers.

- Fried toe-tellini. Maca-toe-ni and cheese?

- JAY JAY: [laughing]

- Boy, you really went all out.

- Dude, what about our pay? - Ah.

[clearing throat]

- Sweaches! Our own private tube.

- Wolfgang tubin'!

- Sorry, no eats till you drop the beats.

- Phoebe, you came.

- Yeah, Link texted me and said he was sorry

for being a super stretchy jerkface

who smells like coleslaw.

- I never sent you a text.

- You didn't?

- Okay, so I might have hacked Link's phone and texted you.

But he does smell like coleslaw.

- Why would you do that?

- Because I needed to get you here

so I could talk to you and Link.

Here's the deal, right?

- I don't wanna hear anything you have to say, Max.

- Me, neither. I'm going home.

- Come on, Max, we've gotta play now.

- Phoebe, don't go!

♪ There's something you gotta know ♪

- What are you doing, dude?

We're supposed to play "Bonus Toe." - All right, new plan. Watch me for the changes.

Try to keep up.

♪ This is a song about Phoebe ♪

♪ So Link put down that drinky ♪

♪ Phoebe didn't tell me about your extra piggy ♪

♪ I needed a song to get my band this giggy ♪

♪ So I stole a page from her diary ♪

♪ And I passed it off as a song ♪

♪ Diary ♪

♪ Phoebe wasn't the one who broke your trust ♪

♪ It was her awesome brother--Maximus! ♪

See you next week.

- I'm so sorry, Phoebe. I...

When I thought that you told Max my secret,

I was so hurt, I... I couldn't even talk to you.

- Link, I would never do that.

You mean so much to me.

Didn't you read my note? - What note?

- [tiny voice] This note.

- All right, new rule.

Whenever something doesn't seem right between us,

we assume Max has done something terrible.

- [laughing] Deal.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- JAY JAY: [clearing throat]

- Okay, let me explain why we didn't play "Bonus Toe."

It's actually quite touching.

Phoebe and Link-- - You're fired!

- Well, you just missed out on a really great story.

You would have loved the part about the bear.

Guys, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get us fired.

- Apologize later and help us load up.

- Wolfgang swiped Jay Jay's tube remote.

- Wolfgang is swipin'.

- Hey, get away from that tube!

- Busted! Run!

- PHOEBE: [powers zapping]

- [heavy thudding] - [drum bangs]

- Ah, revenge. Check!

- ♪

- ♪