Original subtitles

BATGIRL: So someone snatched an endangered black leopard.

[RUSTLING NEARBY]

Since | bet that cat's worth some serious scratch...

...l'd say that narrows our list of suspects considerably...

...to, oh, let me count, one.

This wasn't Catwoman.

Really? This totally purrs Catwoman.

Just because she's a cat burglar doesn't mean she's a cat thief.

Look at the number of footprints.

This wasn't a solo job.

Hey, you ought to consider doing this for a living.

| also doubt it's a coincidence that the only other leopard of its kind in captivity...

.. arrives in Gotham tomorrow as part of Amazing Leslie's Animal Extravaganza.

[PURRING]

So when do | get to say "told you so"?

[LOCK RATTLING]

[LEOPARD GROWLING]

It's okay, pretty kitty. Aw.

[THUD]

[CATWOMAN GASPS]

Now, handsome, this isn't what it looks like.

Oh, let me guess, it involves space aliens and a road trip to Fresno.

Mm. Couldn't find a babysitter?

Good one. Where's the other leopard?

| didn't steal the other leopard.

But | am going to steal this one.

[WHIP CRACKING]

Since you two missed the show tonight...

... here's your chance to catch the wrestling gorillas.

[BOTH GROWL]

[BOTH SNARL]

Sorry, fellas.

[BATMAN GRUNTING]

[GROWLS]

Meow.

CATWOMAN: Kitty doesn't have time to play, little one.

[BATGIRL GRUNTING]

[GORILLAS GROWLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

-Well, not bad. -Just wait till | start trying.

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GORILLAS GROWLING]

BATMAN: Play time's over.

[BATGIRL GRUNTING]

Come on, precious.

[LEOPARD PURRING]

[ENGINE REVS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Hello, kitties.

Joker?

[GRUNTS]

[GAS HISSING]

[CATWOMAN GRUNTING THEN SIGHS]

Twisted dreams.

Well, looks like we're back to my theory.

Catwoman stole the leopards.

I'm not so sure.

| found a strand of hair.

BATGIRL: Okay.

BATMAN: It's green.

CATWOMAN: | never pegged you for a cat person, Joker.

Me? | despise the mangy beasts.

You see, | snatched these kittens for a recent business acquaintance.

Mr. Kilgore Steed.

The Kilgore Steed?

That creep hunts endangered species on his private island.

Well, in exchange for those leopards...

...Kilgore has promised to deliver me the real cat's meow.

[LAUGHING]

CATWOMAN: You're lucky I'm tied up.

Bringing us back to the subject...

... I've always been told there's more than one way to skin a cat.

JOKER: A true classic.

Of course, | tweaked the punch line a smidge.

Modern audiences like their humor with a little more bite.

[JOKER LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

And here | thought curiosity killed a cat.

[LAUGHS]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

My heroes.

[SQUEALING]

BATMAN: Help her.

JOKER: Come on, boys.

[THUD]

[ENGINE STARTING]

The cats.

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Come on, we need to go get those cats.

-Uh, we? -You're off to the pound, Catwoman.

Let's not be hasty, handsome.

Do you know where Joker's headed?

Hmm. Didn't think so. Well, | do.

And if we don't hunt them down tout de suite...

...someone else will.

You're not falling for this.

Lead the way.

Catwoman leading the way?

Isn't that like calling in Penguin for backup?

[JOKER WHISTLING THEN HUMMING "ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT"]

JOKER: Land ho. Ho, ho, ho!

Let's collect my booty, boys.

CATWOMAN: For years, Kilgore Steed's been getting his kicks...

...by hunting the rarest of the rare.

Wild animals belong in the wild.

Not in cages, not wearing silly costumes, and especially not being hunted.

You're pretty hardcore about this.

Humph. Animals are what make me purr.

When you're not hunting jewels.

[SCOFFS]

Always the sourpuss. | bet he never lets you drive.

He barely lets me sidekick.

JOKER: Knock, knock.

Evening, Joker.

You're supposed to say, "Who's there?"

[LEOPARDS GROWLING]

You've done well.

JOKER: Hmm. Manly décor. STEED: My trophies.

Each and every one imported to my island...

...SO | could hunt them within my private safari.

[SQUEALS]

JOKER: What an amazing maze.

Adds to the thrill of the hunt, it would seem.

[ANIMALS SNARLING AND GROWLING]

JOKER: In you go, kitties.

| believe you have something for me.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

They're gorgeous.

STEED: Albino hyenas, the rarest of the rare.

[JOKER AND HYENAS LAUGHING]

Think they look like their pa?

Ooh! | wanna be sure the pups have a good sense of humor.

And how do you determine that?

With a joke, of course.

[GUARDS GRUNTING]

[STEED COUGHING]

[GRUNTING]

[SIGHS]

[COUGHING]

[HYENAS LAUGHING]

They know funny.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

JOKER: | Know your heart was set on a cat hunt.

But would it upset you much if it was a cat and two bats?

[JOKER LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

If they've done anything to those cats, | will scratch their eyes out.

You almost sound like you're going hero on us.

-Hey, for the right cause.... -You should give it a try.

You might actually make a good good guy.

I'd need a sidekick.

And with a few costume adjustments you're not too far from being a Caitgirl.

Kilgore's compound is supposed to be littered with traps.

JOKER [ON SCREEN]: Now hold those poses.

That's how | want you to look when you're stuffed and mounted on my wall.

-What's your game, Joker? -The three of you, of course.

But before we play, there are a few simple ground rules.

Nah-ah-ah-ah. Rule number one, no gadgets...

...or the pretty kitties take the express train...

... from endangered to extinct.

[SIZZLING]

CATWOMAN: No.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

JOKER: My own bat and cat toys.

CATWOMAN [ON SCREEN]: Why are you doing this?

Because my growing boys here need fresh meat...

..and plenty of it.

Ooh, lookie. A rare poisonous arachnid wants to join the fun.

Well, the more the merrier.

Off you go, Legs McGee.

JOKER [ON SCREEN] Now, on your mark...

..get set...

...run for your lives.

[RUMBLING]

JOKER: Just a little something to help keep our "eyeses" on the prizes.

[BEEPING]

[SPIDER HISSES]

Moss. Too slippery to climb.

[SIZZLING]

[BATMAN GRUNTS]

[BATMAN RUNNING]

[SPIDER HISSING]

[SNARLS]

[GASPS]

Oh, boys, dinner is served.

[HYENAS LAUGHING]

Can't bear to look.

[CATWOMAN GIGGLING]

Come on. Cut it out. That tickles.

Boys? Sic her. She's a cat.

What kind of crazy canines are you?

Sorry to burst your balloon, Joker...

...but hyenas are more closely related to cats than dogs.

[HYENAS LAUGHING]

And by the way, they're laughing at you.

Well, I'm gonna have the last laugh.

Hee-ya!

[JOKER GRUNTS]

[BATMAN GRUNTING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

Time to find the others.

[GRUNTS]

[SPIDER SNARLS]

[BATGIRL GRUNTING]

[HISSING]

[RUMBLING NEARBY]

[SPIDER HISSING]

[BATGIRL GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

BATGIRL: Road map to Catwoman.

Hee-ya.

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

[JOKER CHUCKLES THEN SIGHS]

Joker brand catnip will give you a Cheshire grin.

BATMAN: Not if | can help it.

[GRUNTING]

You busted my boutonniere.

You're lucky that's all.

[HYENAS LAUGHING]

Shut up.

Ah.

[LAUGHING]

Take this.

Find the cats.

[GRUNTING]

BATMAN: Biometrics, Joker.

What are you, unh, prattling on about, Batsy?

It only opens for me.

Then I'll just belt you one.

[JOKER GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

CATWOMAN: Mama's here, babies.

Looks like Smiley could use some Joker-gas antidote.

Let's get these leopards back to their owners.

Oh, yeah, about that.

[CATWOMAN SHOVES BATGIRL]

[GRUNTING]

Ow. Hey.

Sorry, kid, but I've taken a shine to these darlings.

And seriously...

...lf you ever decide to make the switch from sidekick to partner in crime--

I'll be sure to look you up.

[LEOPARDS GROWLING]

[CATWOMAN GRUNTING]

Here, kitty, kitty. Come on.

Ugh, what are you waiting for? Come on.

You of all people should know, cats don't like water.

Or being caged.

Heh. Always the sourpuss.

| can't believe | thought there was some good in her.

| should have warned you about her tricks. She's a sly one.

| guess leopards don't change their spots.

You know, it was your instinct not to trust her in the first place.

That mean you'll keep me?

You make a better Batgirl than a Catgirl.

Good. Never was much of a cat person anyway.