Original subtitles

(drumroll)

(rousing orchestral fanfare playing)

(RALPH screechily singing with fanfare)

(fanfare ends)

(low, pulsating rumble)

(indistinct radio chatter)

(Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey playing)

(orchestra crescendoes)

(percussion booming)

We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere.

(screaming)

(glass breaks, air hissing)

(popping)

(laughing)

♪ ♪

(orchestral fanfare playing)

-(crowd cheering) -Hey, how you doing?

Good to see ya. Thanks for coming out.

("Hail to the Chief" playing)

♪ ♪

SCRATCHY (calling in distance): Itchy... Itchy...

(air horn blasts)

(quiet, ominous music plays)

(orchestral music grows louder)

(snaps fingers)

♪ ♪

(click) (mechanical whirring)

(music crescendoes)

(loud buzzing)

(missiles rumbling)

(missiles whizzing through air)

(screaming)

(missile whizzing)

(mechanical ratcheting)

(metallic clunk)

(loud explosion)

Boring!

LISA: Dad, we can't see the movie!

I can't believe we're paying to see something

we get on TV for free.

If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker,

especially you!

CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪

PROFESSOR FRINK: ♪ Movie, on the big screen ♪

(theme playing)

(creaking, thud)

♪ ♪

(pen squeaks)

(MARTIN howling)

(rock band joins in on The Simpsons theme)

(crowd cheering)

(strained grunting)

Excuse me, my heinie is dipping.

-(others groan in disgust) -(loud thud, grunt)

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

(to The Simpsons theme): ♪ Da, da, da, da-da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da-da-da-da ♪

CROWD: ♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da! ♪

(song ends, cheering)

All right, well, thanks a lot for coming.

We've been playing for three and a half hours.

Now we'd like just a minute of your time

to say something about the environment!

(crowd quiets, crickets chirping)

-(loud booing) -You suck!

-Shut up and play! -Preachy!

We're not being preachy.

But the pollution in your lake,

it's dissolving our barge!

(crowd booing)

I thought they touched on a vital issue.

I beg to differ.

(grunts)

(screechy gasp)

Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.

(playing "Nearer My God to Thee")

(organ playing "American Idiot")

For the latest rock band to die in our town,

Lord, hear our prayer.

CONGREGATION: Lord, hear our prayer.

(car screeches to a halt)

MARGE: I hate being late.

HOMER: Well, I hate going.

Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way--

by praying like hell on my deathbed.

MARGE: Homer, they can hear you inside.

HOMER: Relax. Those pious morons

are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.

(quietly): How you doing?

Peace be with you.

Praise Jebus.

(snoring)

(organ playing quietly)

(video game beeping)

-(video game gunfire) -BABY: Ga-ga, goo... (groaning)

(video game sounds stop)

Now, today I'd like to try something a little different.

I'm going to call on one of you!

(man yelps)

(chuckles): Now, the word of God dwells within everyone.

I want you to let that word out.

-Let your spirit... -Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

(frustrated sigh) What is it, Ned?

The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.

(quietly): Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

An immodest sense of pride in our community!

Somebody else?

LOVEJOY: Let the Lord's light shine upon you.

-(heavenly choir singing) -(snoring)

LOVEJOY: Feel the spirit. Let it out!

Horrible, horrible things are going to happen!

And they're gonna happen to you and you and you!

-And you! -(gasps)

Whoa, Nelly.

(gasping)

(grunting)

(beep)

People of Springfield, heed this warning!

Twisted tail!

A thousand eyes!

Trapped forever!

(grunting like Three Stooges)

Dad, do something!

Uh, uh, this book doesn't have any answers!

Beware, beware! Time is short!

Epa! Epa! Epa...!

(loud thud)

Believe me! Believe me...!

(speaking gibberish)

(continues speaking gibberish)

Thanks for listening.

Okay, who wants waffles?

GRANDPA/BART/LISA: I do! I do! I do!

Wait a minute. What about Grandpa?

-I want syrup. -I want strawberries!

Something happened to that man.

I'll tell you what happened to him.

A certain someone had a senior moment.

But that's okay, because we love him

and we got a free rug out of it.

What is the point of going to church every Sunday

when if someone we love has

a genuine religious experience, we ignore it?

Right, Grandpa?

I want bananas on my waffles!

I rest my case.

I'm not dropping this.

Wait a minute! I'm still in the car!

Oh, right.

Hmm...

"Take out hornets' nest."

(hornets buzzing)

(frenzied buzzing)

Check.

"Fix sinkhole."

(quiet sucking)

(sucking continues)

(plop) (sucking stops)

Check.

"Reshingle roof"?

(birds chirping)

Steady...

Steady...

(loud squish) Ow-how-how!

-Ow-how-how! -(laughing)

(continues laughing)

(yells): Why, you little...

I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!

(exhales): You know, we are on the roof.

We could have some fun.

What kind of fun?

How about a dare contest?

That sounds fun.

I dare you to...

climb the TV antenna.

Piece of cake.

Earthquake! (laughing)

(both laughing)

(laughing, gasps)

(grunting)

Aftershock!

(playful grunting, Bart laughing)

NED: Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a nervous Pervis or anything,

but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-erino?

-Shut up, Flanders. -Yeah, shut up, Flanders.

Well said, boy.

-Yeah! -Yeah!

Steady... steady...

steady...

(yells, thuds)

(laughing)

(knocking)

LISA: Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday,

but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution

-in Lake Springfield as I am... -(door slams)

(knocking)

Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than even...

(door slams)

Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.

-Lake Springfield... -(door slams)

(sighs)

(doors slamming)

(dog yelps)

(door slams, bell rings, ship's horn blows)

(groans): Oh...

-(door creaks) -Come on over, Lisa.

You can canvass me as long as you want.

Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.

Hey! I am very passionate about the planet!

Say global warming is a myth!

It's a myth! Further study is needed!

(grunts)

That's for selling out your beliefs!

Oh, poor Milhouse.

-Dream coming true. -(knocking)

BOY: Are you aware that a leaky faucet can waste over...

-(door slams) -2,000 gallons a year.

And turning off your lights can save...

Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.

And if we just kept our thermostats at 68 in the winter...

We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!

-I'm Colin. -(gasps softly)

I haven't seen you at school.

Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.

-Is he... -He's not Bono.

I just thought because you're Irish and you care about...

He's not Bono.

Do you play?

Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.

(thinking): He's pure gold!

For once in your life, be cool.

So, is your name as pretty as your face?

Oh!

(screeches): Ha! Ha!

You okay there?

(gagging)

(choking, giggling)

Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever!

Epa! Epa!

"Epa." What could that be?

I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made

when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid.

Ee-pah!

Yeah.

Uh, thanks for coming over.

Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants.

I've never known comfort like this.

(elastic slaps)

(BB's pinging, Homer grunting)

D'oh! Oh, why did I-- oh!-- suggest this?

(shrieking): Oh! Aah!

Ow! Ee!

Aah! Aah!

(continues shrieking)

(timer dings)

All right, boy, time for the ultimate dare.

I dare you...

to skateboard to Krusty Burger...

and back...

naked.

How naked?

Fourth base.

But girls might see my doodle.

(mocking): Oh, I see.

Then I hereby declare you "chicken for life."

Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning, chicken."

At your wedding, I'll sing,

(clucking "Wedding March")

(surprised cluck)

(surf rock playing)

(people gasp)

♪ ♪

I like men now.

Don't look where I'm pointing!

♪ ♪

(siren wailing)

(over loudspeaker): Stop in the name of American squeamishness!

(tires screech, drivers gasping)

Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord

for this bountiful...

Penis!

-Bountiful penis. -Bountiful penis.

Amen.

-(glass squeaking) -Listen, kid,

nobody likes wearing clothes in public,

but, you know, it-it's the law.

Lunchtime!

You can't just leave me out here.

Don't worry.

We found a friend for you to play with.

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

(hoarsely): Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha...

Nelson, honey, where've you been?

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

Dad!

What seems to be the problem, officers?

Tell them you dared me to do it.

If that's true,

then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.

And... what happens to me if it's my fault?

You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.

It was all his idea!

He's out of control, I tell you! I'm at my wit's end!

(sobbing): It's so...

See you in court, kid.

Okay, Son, let's get some lunch.

Did you at least bring my clothes?

Shirt, socks, everything you need.

You didn't bring my pants!

Who am I, Tommy Bahama?

(sighs): Oh...

this is the worst day of my life.

The worst day of your life so far.

Say, Bart?

What do you want, Flanders?

If you need pants, I carry an extra pair.

I mean, you know how boys are, always praying through the knees.

Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.

We're neighbors.

I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.

HOMER: Thank you.

HOMER (chomping): Mm, mm, mm...

(mumbling)

Hey, what's with you?

You really want to know?

Of course I do.

What kind of a father wouldn't care about...

a pig wearing a hat!

MAN: Action.

Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty

for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger!

If you can find a greasier sandwich,

you're in Mexico!

(goofy laughing)

Mmm!

MAN: And we're clear.

Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.

(squealing)

What?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes.

(squeals)

(squeaks, snorts)

♪ I can't see me ♪

♪ Loving nobody but you... ♪

-You're coming home with me. -(squeals, snorts)

VIDEO GAME BABY: Ga-ga, goo... (gagging)

"A thousand eyes."

What could that be?

Hmm, I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.

Hey, Marge.

Isn't it great being married

to someone who's recklessly impulsive?

Actually, it's aged me horribly.

Then say hello to the newest Simpson!

(dramatic music plays)

(gasps)

Homer!

(quiet grunt)

I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this.

Please, get rid of that pig!

Oh, you're gonna love him.

Look-- he does an impression of you.

(squeals loudly)

(grunting)

(laughing): You nailed her.

He also does me.

(belches)

(laughing)

You smiled! I'm off the hook!

Ooh.

(humming)

Oh, you have so many looks.

(pig snorts)

(sighs)

(kissing)

(vacuum whirring)

Hmm, so that's what snug is.

HOMER (playfully): Who's a good pig?

(blowing raspberries)

Who's a good pig?

NED: Rough day, huh, son?

You don't know what rough is, sister.

(chuckles)

Bart, you know, whenever my boys

bake up a batch of frownies, I take them fishing.

Does your dad ever take you fishing?

-(electrical buzzing) -Dad!

It's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.

If you love fish like I do,

you want them to die with dignity.

(loud zapping)

(gurgling)

I think I have a nibble.

(screams)

(electrical crackling, screaming)

(screaming, electrical crackling)

(electrical crackling, screaming)

I think fishing might be more fun with you.

Oh, great.

Now, how 'bout I fix you some cocoa?

No way, cocoa's for wusses.

Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.

(grunts)

(slurping)

Oh, my God.

Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part.

He loves the environment.

Oh, wait, I still didn't tell you the best part.

He's got an Irish brogue.

No, no, wait, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part!

He's not imaginary.

Oh, honey, that's great.

But the very best thing is that he listens to you.

Because nothing means more than for a man to...

How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?

HOMER: ♪ Spider Pig ♪

♪ Spider Pig, does whatever a Spider Pig does ♪

♪ Can he swing from a web? ♪

♪ No, he can't, he's a pig ♪

♪ Look out... ♪

♪ He is a Spider Pig. ♪

(ducks quacking)

Are we having fun yet?

We are now. You've got a bite.

Whoa, mama!

Oh, no, my good pole!

(choking)

Huh? You're not strangling me.

What the...?

Why, strangling's only good for...

Well, it's not really good for anything.

I think the only time you should lay hands on a boy

is when you're giving him a good old pat on the back.

Hey, what the hell are you...?

Oh...

One more time.

(incoherent rambling, meowing)

-(bottles clinking) -Honey, I'm home.

(shrieks)

(growls)

(guitar playing sweetly)

LISA: We are at the tipping point, people.

If we don't do something now, uh...

I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Isn't he dreamy?

-Agreed. -(gavel bangs)

Okay, so here's the bottom line.

If we don't change our ways right now,

pollution in Lake Springfield

-will be at this level. -(motor whirring)

That's not so bad.

-No, the lift is stuck. -(gears grinding)

(whirring, grinding)

(crashing)

Am I getting through to anyone?

Hell, yeah!

We need a new one of those things.

All in favor of a new scissor lift say aye.

-ALL: Aye! -No!

This lake is just one piece of trash away

from a toxic nightmare.

But I knew you wouldn't listen, so I took the liberty

of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses.

(spitting, groaning)

MOE: This is why we should hate kids.

This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake.

I hereby declare a state of emergency.

Code black.

(gasping)

Black?

That's the worst color there is.

No offense there, Carl.

I get it all the time.

(triumphant orchestration plays)

(sizzling)

(machinery whirring)

Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.

Fine.

I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.

Uh... Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.

I thought that, too, until he said "yard trimmings."

You got to learn to listen, Lou.

Let us now make sure this barrier

is completely idiot proof.

Cletus.

Yessum?

Try to dump something in the lake.

Okay.

I can't. I-I simply can't.

-Brilliant. -Very effective.

(snorts)

(kissing)

Ayayay!

Un burro amoroso!

Don't get any ideas. Huh?

(both laughing)

Maybe we should kiss just to break the tension.

What's going on here?

Uh, nothing, nothing.

I'm not sure that pig should be in the house.

And by the way, what are you doing

with his... leavings?

Don't worry.

I've devised a most elegant solution.

(groans): Oh, it's leaking.

It's not leaking,

it's overflowing.

He filled up the whole silo in just two days?

Well, I helped.

Homer, stop.

I know it's easy for your mind to wander...

(cymbals clicking)

(muffled): I want you to really concentrate on me.

I can't escape the feeling

that this is the crisis Grandpa warned us about.

You have to dispose of that waste properly.

Okay, Marge, I will.

You can take Spider Pig with you.

He's not Spider Pig anymore. He's Harry Plopper.

(snorts)

(faint cell phone chiming)

(grunts)

Y'ello.

Homer, you got to get over here.

The health inspector just shut down the doughnut store

and they're giving out free doughnuts.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

I just got one thing I got to do first.

Well, you better hurry! They're going fast.

(gunshot)

Whoa, that was close.

Oh!

(tires screeching)

(grunts)

(gurgling)

(gurgling)

(fizzing)

Uh-oh.

(deep voice): Evil!

Drive, drive, drive!

-(snorting) -Oh, right.

(tires screeching)

(chittering)

(snarling)

(bubbling)

(growling)

(giggles)

Look at that.

You can see the four states that border Springfield.

Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.

Oh, yeah.

And if you look real close, you can almost...

(shrieks)

Well... this certainly seems odd,

but who am I to question the work of the Almighty?

Oh... we thank you, Lord,

for this mighty fine intelligent design.

Good job.

Jabbity-jabbity-jab-jab-jab.

Hey, jab one more eye, and it's a federal crime.

-Who are you? -Environmental Protection Agency.

Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A., here to see the president.

(buzzing)

(rapid buzzing)

Mr. President.

Ja.That is me.

Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.

Oh... I hate this job.

Everything's crisis this and end of the world that.

Nobody opens with a joke.

I miss Danny DeVito.

You want a joke, huh?

Stop me if you've heard this one.

-(growling) -(gasps)

Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth.

It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.

You know, sir, when you made me

head of the E.P.A., you were applauded

for appointing one of the most successful men in America

to the least successful agency in government.

And why did I take the job?

'Cause I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back.

Not the money, but something.

So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth.

I'm listening.

Well, I've narrowed your choices down

to five unthinkable options.

Each will cause untold misery...

I pick number three.

You don't even want to read them first?

I was elected to lead, not to read.

Number three!

(low rumbling)

(inhaler whooshing)

(choking)

(rumbling)

(screaming)

(rotors whirring)

(cracking, rumbling)

(gasping): We're being sealed in a dome.

(yells)

(thuds) Whoa!

Oh, what do I do? I don't know what to do.

If I stay I'm trapped, if I leave I'm alone.

Oh, God! In, out, in, out...

I never saw Venice.

(helicopter blades whirring)

(crashing)

EPA! EPA!

Trapped forever.

It's all come true.

That crazy old man in church was right.

(suction popping)

(screaming): D'oh... ome!

(indistinct murmuring)

(sirens approaching)

(gasping, shrieking)

All right, men, open fire.

-(gunshots ricocheting) -Ow!

Who's hurt? Raise your hands.

(groaning)

Without the attitude.

People, people.

I have an important announcement.

I have just perfected an acid-firing superdrill

which can cut through anything.

-That's cool. -(crowd gasping)

It's right there.

Just outside... of the dome.

(crowd groaning)

(banging)

What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?

CARGILL: The United States government.

(gasping, murmuring)

(static hisses)

My name is Russ Cargill, and I'm head of the E.P.A.

(indistinct murmuring)

The what?

Environmental Protection Agency.

LENNY: Come again?

Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.

Springfield has become...

MAN: Whoo! Springfield!

...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.

KRUSTY: Drama queen!

To prevent your poisons from spreading,

your government has sealed you all within this dome.

(gasping)

Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do.

I do own the company that makes the dome,

but that's beside the point.

What, are you telling us we're trapped like rats?

No, rats can't be trapped this easily.

You're trapped like... carrots.

Wait, wait. We couldn't be more polluted.

Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.

Apparently someone didn't get the message.

Act natural.

(snorts)

Hey, buddy, sooner or later,

people are going to come by and discover this.

Don't worry about that.

We found a way to take you off the map.

G.P.A. VOICE: Coming up on your right...

(beep) ...nothing.

This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious

it has its own name and theme music.

(dramatic theme playing)

The dome has put an end to life as we know it.

The town is running low on supplies of everything

from gasoline to Botox.

Moment, please.

Now, as always-- (chuckles)

we end our news on the lighter side.

It's the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.

(chirping)

(thudding)

(screeching along glass)

(meowing)

(wind rustling trees)

(MARGE sighs deeply)

I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze.

(gasps)

Maggie?

(sucks pacifier)

(on TV): We've got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener,

all your dome needs at Dome Depot,

located at the intersection of the 105 Freeway and the dome.

CHORUS: ♪ Dome Depot! ♪

(bell dings)

-Maggie got out! Maggie got out! -Huh?

Maggie was right there.

Just outside the dome.

Marge, she's right here.

Hmm...?

This dome can play tricks on you.

You just have to keep calm and...

Oh, my God!

I'm out of the dome.

Fresh air!

Freedom!

(laughing hysterically)

I'll write you. Lead good lives.

(HOMER groans)

(MARGE sighs heavily)

(sucks pacifier)

(dramatic news theme plays on TV)

Good evening, this is Kent Brockman.

Efforts to find out

whose selfish crime against the environment

caused our entrapment have been fruitless...

(chuckles)

...until moments ago.

-(shrieks) -A shocking discovery

has been made here at Lake Springfield.

That could be anybody's pig crap silo.

(shrieks)

(gasps): Homer!

It was you!

You single-handedly killed this town.

I know. It's weird.

Just a reminder.

This station does not endorse vigilante justice.

Unless it gets results-- which it will.

(buzzer sounding)

You didn't listen to me after I warned you!

Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show.

Hmm, what's that ominous glow in the distance?

(clamoring)

MOB (chanting): Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Marge, look, those idiots don't even know where we live.

Kill! Kill! Kill!

D'oh!

(chanting): We want Homer!

We want Homer!

You monster! You monster!

Uh, did you see the news?

Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.

But I'm so angry.

You're a woman.

You can hold on to it forever.

(sniffles)

Okay.

(chanting continues)

Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob

and apologize for what you did.

I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door,

they'll take all of you.

CARL: No, we won't! We just want Homer!

Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa.

GRANDPA: I'm part of the mob!

Teeny, take out the baby!

(screeches)

(squealing)

(clamoring)

(sweet, romantic theme playing)

(gasps)

Here, let me get that for you.

(disappointed sigh)

(rattling)

Stay back, I got a chain saw!

(imitates chain saw revving)

(slowly, weakly making chain saw sounds)

Uh-oh.

(mob shouting)

Bart! Crawl across, hurry!

But if they see you trying to help us, they'll kill you.

Oh, pshaw! I'm sure your father would do the same for...

Point taken. Now hustle your bustles.

Archers!

I'm using a red arrow, so I know who I kill.

(grunting)

No, Plopper.

If you push that, daddy will die.

(all screaming)

(grunting)

Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.

Wait, there's something I have to get.

(gasps): Ooh!

(grunts)

What'd you get?

Our wedding video.

We have a wedding video?

KRUSTY: Torch his gas tank!

We lost 'em!

Yahoo!

(laughing)

BART: Ooh! Up here!

Get 'em! Get 'em!

HOMER: Uh, little help?

(HOMER howls)

You know, the word "apology" is tossed around a lot these days,

but when it comes from in here...

D'oh!

(HOMER screams)

Mom, what are we going to do!?

Maggie, not now.

We'll play later.

(gasps)

The sinkhole.

Follow me, kids.

BART: Geronimo!

LISA: Sacagawea!

So long, losers.

(thud)

Uh-oh.

The top of his head is still showing.

Claw at it!

(HOMER shrieking)

NELSON: Ha-ha!

(crowd exclaiming)

(car alarm wailing)

(deep rumbling)

(crowd screaming)

(clock chiming)

(cuckoos)

Well, they're China's problem now.

(knocking)

Colin!

(no audio)

I can't hear you!

(marker squeaking)

Oh!

♪ Da, da-da, da-da, da, da... ♪

I never thought my life

would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this...

(singsongy): Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!

(grunts)

Perfect.

(sirens wailing)

(tires screeching)

What do we do?

Now we run.

I'm afraid we lost them, sir.

Damn it.

Well, then you find them and you get them back in the dome.

And to make sure nobody else gets out,

I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7.

I want 10,000 tough guys, and I want 10,000 soft guys

to make the tough guys look tougher.

And here's how I want them arranged:

Tough, tough, soft, tough, soft,

soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.

Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power.

Of course I have. Did you ever try going mad without power?

It's boring. No one listens to you.

Whew!

(siren wails)

(gasps)

(groaning passionately, smooching)

Oh...!

(sucks pacifier)

(helicopter blades whirring)

Bart, are you drinking whiskey?

I'm troubled.

Bart!

I promise I'll stop tomorrow.

You'll stop right now.

You come back here, little man.

(groans)

(drunkenly): I miss Flanders.

There, I said it.

Where's your father?

He went out.

Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.

HOMER (in distance): Hey, guys...?

What's the secret knock again?

Look, I know I screwed up.

This is big.

It's huge!

We're homeless!

Our friends want to kill us.

Before we can even stay in the same room with you,

I need to know what was going through your mind

when you didn't listen to me

and dumped that silo in the lake.

-(clueless whimper) -Homer!

I don't know what to tell you, Marge.

I don't think about things.

I respect people who do,

but I just try to make the days not hurt

until I get to crawl in next to you again.

(sweetly): Oh...

(sternly): I mean, oh.

Look, I'm really sorry.

But I'm more than just sorry.

I'm prepared with a solution.

I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly

that we'd need a backup plan.

And that plan is right here. (chuckles)

No...

Nope.

Bingo.

Bear with me.

Ta... da!

(angelic chorus singing)

Alaska?!

Alaska--

a place where you can't be too fat or too drunk.

Where no one says things like:

"Let's see your high school equivalency certificate."

Oh, I don't know, Homie.

Oh, I'm not saying it right.

Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone.

And I've really come to like you guys.

I just don't see it.

Marge, in every marriage,

you get one chance to say: "I need you to do this with me."

And there's only one answer when somebody says that.

Okay, Homie.

I'm with you.

Thank you, my sweetheart.

BART: Mom?

Yes, honey?

You just bought another load of crap

from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.

You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!

Homer!

How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?

All right, Son, if you don't believe in me,

believe in America.

America, where any man can make quick money

with no questions asked.

Step right up and win my truck.

All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.

-What's the catch? -No catch--

just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time.

Three tries for $10.

Marge, how much money do we have?

-Ten dollars. -Whoo-hoo!

That counts as a try.

(engine revving)

Ow!

That's two.

(engine revs)

Ow!

And that's three.

Tell you what I'm going to do--

just 'cause I like seeing you hurt yourself:

I'll give you one on the house.

You're the best.

Dad, when you get to the top,

don't slow down, speed up!

But that's when it's the scariest!

Just do it!

Ooh! Oh...!

Whoo-hoo!

Yes!

(crowd cheering, whistling)

Yea, Dad!

I'll take that truck now.

Oh, man.

My wives are going to kill me.

HOMER: Next stop, Alaska!

Day 37 under the dome.

We are facing intermittent power failures which...

Okay, very funny.

Now, I'm going to turn the lights off again.

When they come back on,

I want all my booze back the way it was.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

I'm very proud of you, Bart.

Over 24 hours sober.

You are, aren't you?

I'll prove it.

(moaning with pleasure)

Look, we're giving your father another chance,

and we owe it to him to... (gasps)

Oh, my God.

Can I help you?

Uh... uh, we need diapers.

Okay...

No, no, we don't. We don't.

Ladies' razor blades.

Right.

No, no, no, we don't.

I forgot, we're European.

(giggling)

Uh-huh.

Just give us beef jerky.

Lots and lots of beef jerky.

That's right; that's what we need.

That's all we came in for.

Sure.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God, there they... there they are!

(sucks pacifier)

(BART laughing)

(electrical crackling)

(zapping, crackling)

So, you want some of my electricity, do you?

(snickering)

Well, for once, the rich white man is in control.

I have two buttons behind this desk.

One will supply your town with power,

the other releases the hounds.

Reach me, make me your brother.

The hospital's generator is about to give out.

Lives will be lost!

Lives... lost.

Go on.

We got a convict we were going to fry tomorrow, but now we can't.

Tempting... tempting.

Look, all our reasons mean nothing.

Just look into your heart, and you'll find the answer.

(APU screaming)

BURNS: First door on the right.

APU: Thank you.

(all screaming)

(hounds barking)

But this isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all!

Oh, that's better.

Homer!

(tires screeching, all screaming)

Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.

(fingers squeak against glass)

(gasping)

(grand orchestral theme swells)

Welcome to Alaska.

Here's a thousand dollars.

Well, it's about time, but why?

We pay every resident a thousand dollars

to allow the oil companies

to ravage our state's natural beauty.

I'm home.

Oh, thanks.

(lush orchestral theme playing)

What are you doing, Bart?

Eh, just passing the time.

(clap echoing)

(clap echoing)

(clapping)

Aw. My boy loves Alaska so much he's applauding it.

Lisa, why aren't you clapping?

But, Dad...!

Clap for Alaska.

(clapping)

(deep rumbling)

Huh?

(screaming)

(snow crunching)

Well, Marge,

we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow.

All my dreams are coming true.

(Disney-style orchestration plays)

(birds singing)

(chorus vocalizing melody)

(fabric tearing)

(birds tweeting)

(whistles)

(screeches)

(fabric tearing)

(orchestration continues)

Day 93 under the dome.

With necessities growing dangerously low,

who knows what spark will set off this powder keg.

Okay, let's discuss Tuesdays with Morrie.

Again?

If we don't get a new book, I'm going to puke.

You're the five people I'm going to meet in hell!

(grunting, glass breaking)

We're out of coffee!

(screaming)

I can't take another minute in this dome!

(yelling)

(shouting, grunting)

Y'ar! Y'ar!

Take that!

Oh, no! Blowback.

(shouting)

(whirring)

Look what they're doing to our dome.

(grunting)

(trumpeting)

(cracking)

You know what that is, sir?

-A crack? -Exactly.

First, let me state the problem.

People got out of the dome before,

they're going to get out again.

And when they do, there's going to be hearings, investigations.

(speaking German)

I'll have to go back to making family comedies.

(sighs)

Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir.

In fact, I have five solutions.

You don't even have to read them. You'll have deniability.

I'll take care of everything. You know nothing.

No. I need to know what I'm approving.

Absolutely.

But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated.

Anyone can pick something when they know what it is.

It takes real leadership

to pick something you're clueless about.

Okay, I pick three.

-Try again. -One.

-Go higher. -Five?

-Too high. -Three?

-You already said three. -Six?

-There is no six. -Two?

-Double it. -Four!

As you wish, sir.

(happy music playing on TV)

(on TV): Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?

Here we are, kids-- the Grand Canyon.

It's so old and boring.

I want a new one.

Now!

Hello. I'm Tom Hanks.

The U.S. government has lost its credibility,

so it's borrowing some of mine.

Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.

Sure thing, son.

(laughs)

Now, I'm pleased to tell you all about the new Grand Canyon.

Coming this weekend.

It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City.

That's where Springfield is!

It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was.

This is Tom Hanks saying

if you're going to pick a government to trust,

why not this one?

Did you see that?

Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield!

But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on.

Homie?

I'm happy here. Screw Springfield.

(gasping)

I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.

Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches.

Torches!

At 4:00 in the afternoon!

It was 7:00 at night.

It was during Access Hollywood.

Which is on at 4:00 and 7:00.

D'oh!

Dad, how can you turn your back

on everyone who loved us?

Flanders helped us when we were in trouble.

Who cares what Flanders did? He's not your father.

I wish he was.

You don't mean that. You worship me.

Oh, yeah?

Look what I did to your picture.

-(gasping) -Look at it!

Howdilly-doodilly. Howdilly-doodilly.

-Howdilly-doodilly. -Why, you little...

(grunting)

I'll strangle-angle you.

Diddily, diddily.

Bart, stop it!

Leave this to me.

Homer...

in every marriage you get one chance to say

I need you to do this with me.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Homer Simpson!

We're saving Springfield!

Listen to me, all of you.

We are staying. We have a great life here in Alaska,

and we're never going back to America again.

I have spoken! Hmm!

(wind whistling)

(tires screeching)

(video game music playing)

(HOMER chuckling)

Well, I guess I've let her worry about me long enough.

-(whistling) -(truck horn blows)

Marge? Kids?

Huh?

(static hissing)

Okay, here goes.

Homer...

I've always stood up for you.

When people point out your flaws, I always say,

"Well, sometimes you have to stand back

"to appreciate a work of art."

(laughing)

Way back.

Lately, what's keeping us together

is my ability to overlook everything you do.

And I overlook these things because...

Because?

Well, that's the thing.

I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore.

So I'm leaving with the kids to help Springfield,

and we're never coming back.

And to prove to myself that this is the end...

I taped this over our wedding video.

Good-bye, Homie.

(static hisses)

♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪

♪ Every time you are near ♪

I love you.

♪ Just like me ♪

-♪ They long to be ♪ -Marge?! Kids?!

♪ Close to you ♪

(cracking)

♪ Why do stars fall down from the sky ♪

♪ Every time you walk by ♪

♪ Just like me... ♪

(footsteps approaching)

(roaring)

(shouting gibberish)

(grunting)

(yelps)

Huh?

(train whistle blows)

(sniffling)

So, Mom, what's our plan?

What are you doing up there?

Looking through people's luggage.

(high-pitched): I'm the mascot of an evil corporation.

(laughs)

Get down from there.

We have to keep a low profile

till we get to Seattle to tell the world

of the plot to destroy Springfield.

I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.

Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.

(mechanical whirring)

(beeping)

(conversations overlapping)

WOMAN: Hi, I'm calling about your Meat Lover's Pizza.

I like meat, but I don't know if I'm ready to love again.

WOMAN 2: You hang up first.

MAN: No, you hang up first.

WOMAN 2: Okay.

(dial tone hums)

MAN: She hung up on me!

LISA: But we're fugitives.

We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.

Hey, everybody! I found one!

The government actually found someone we're looking for!

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

WOMAN: Homer Simpson...

...do you know why you are here?

'Cause my family cares more about other people

than they do about me.

Drink this liquid.

(screaming)

More, please.

Now we will cleanse your spirit

by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.

Throat singing?

(guttural chanting)

(both chanting)

How long are we doing this?

Until you have an epiphany.

Okay.

(chanting)

What's an epiphany?

Sudden realization of great truth.

Okay.

(chanting)

Aw...

(music plays)

FEMALE CHORUS: ♪ Spider Pig, Spider Pig ♪

♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does ♪

-(rumbling) -♪ Look out ♪

♪ He is a Spider Pig. ♪

Unless you have an epiphany,

you will spend the remainder of your days alone.

(bell tolls)

Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany.

Ooh! Bananas are an excellent source of potassium.

(grunts)

Americans will never embrace soccer?

More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself?

Hey, what are you doing?

Oh, do whatever you want to me.

I don't care about myself anymore.

WOMAN: Because?

(gasps)

Because other people are just as important as me.

Without them, I'm nothing.

In order to save myself...

I have to save Springfield!

That's it... isn't it?

(The Simpsons theme playing, applause and cheering)

(cheering continues)

(chanting)

That was the most incredible experience of my life.

And now to find my family, save my town

and drop ten pounds.

Thank you, boob lady.

This is it, kids. Seattle.

(gasping): Russ Cargill.

Do you think he saw us?

Yes, I did.

(dogs barking)

Run! Run! Run! Run!

Run! Run!

Jump! Jump!

Land! Land!

Rest! Rest!

Run! Run!

Now, I know we've had a rough day,

but I'm sure we can

put all that behind us and just...

(growling, screaming)

Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm!

(barking)

Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?

-(wind whistling) -Must keep going...

Must keep going.

(whimpering): No, I can't.

I can't keep going.

Yes, you can.

No, I can't.

Oh, shut up.

You shut up.

No, you. No, you.

No, you.

Oh, real mature.

How can you say that?

Oh, what's the point?

It's hopeless.

Don't give up, Homer.

You are closer than you think.

But which way do I go?

Much obliged.

(helicopter blades whirring)

(men shouting in distance)

Ten-hut!

(saxophone playing)

Lisa, knock off that racket!

(gasps): Lisa!

(playing bluesy tune)

They captured my family.

What do I do? What do I do?

(tires screeching)

There's something strange about that SOP sign.

(engine roaring)

(softly clinks)

(gasps): Did you hear something?

Probably just a moth.

I hope it's okay.

(screaming): Oh!

(grunts)

Oh!

D'oh!

(grunting)

(groans)

(grunts)

Look, look, look, look, look.

We can't keep stopping at every SOP, YELD,

or ONE VAY sign-- just move on.

(grunting)

Let us out!

-Let us out! -Stop that!

You'll scratch your shackles.

I hope I do!

(grunting)

(hissing)

Oh, way to go, Bart.

You stink.

No... you stink.

(moaning)

(grunts)

Ow. (groans)

(bird caws)

(dog howls in distance)

(MARGE gasps): Springfield.

I can't believe it, but it got even crappier.

Oh, man.

(muttering)

(clanking)

Oh, hiya, Midge.

Moe, what happened?

With the town sealed off from the rest of the world,

things got a little nutty here.

Why are you dressed like that?

Well, I don't like to brag,

but I am now the emperor of Springfield.

BARNEY: No, you're not!

Yes, I am!

(explosion)

BARNEY: Okay... hail emperor.

CARGILL (over screen): Attention, Springfield.

Your government has realized

that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake.

Therefore, we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle...

(cheering)

...which involves killing you all.

(groaning)

(whirring)

As I speak, we're lowering

a small but powerful bomb into your midst.

(beeping)

(screaming)

Despite everything, I miss your father.

Me, too.

His big fat ass could shield us all.

Ten-hut!

At ease.

I'm General... Marriott Suites,

and I have an urgent note from the president.

It says to release this town immediately.

Why is it written on a leaf?

(grunts)

(chuckles)

(hands squeaking)

(grunts)

(gasps)

Perfect.

Now Homer Simpson's going to show he has cojones!

Oops.

(grunting)

(yells)

(grunting, crying gasps)

(grunts)

(gasping): D'oh!

(whimpering): D'oh!

HOMER (in distance): D'oh! D'oh!

Mom, I've got to go find Colin.

Not now, sweetie.

Doomsday is family time.

(glass squeaking) HOMER: Oh! Oh!

(beeping, harmonica playing blues)

Hey, if one of us distracts Cargill,

then the rest of us can climb up that thing.

Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?

(clears throat)

My time to shine.

Hey!

Mr. Big TV Man, look-a here.

What do you want?

Um...

look what I can do with my thumb.

You want to know how I do it?

Four generations of inbreeding?

Oh...

(grunting)

(helicopter blades whirring)

(grunting)

(shoes squeaking)

I can smell fresh air.

(birds chirping)

I can hear birds.

I taste freedom!

Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!

(yelling)

(loud thud)

(beeping)

(groans quietly)

I was tricked by an idiot!

CLETUS: Hey, I know how you feel.

I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

Good-bye.

(stammers)

Homer do good?

Actually, you doomed us all. Again.

Nice knowing you, Homer.

But I... Oh.

(crying): Oh...

I can't do anything right. (grunts)

(rapid beeps)

-(steady beeping resumes) -Get out of here!

(people jeering, HOMER whimpering)

I've spent my entire life

doing nothing but collecting comic books,

and now there's only time to say...

life well spent!

Okay, boys,

when you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.

Will Buddha be there, too?

-No! -(door creaks)

Hey, Flanders.

Bart!

How good to see ya.

And how terrible you're here.

Thanks.

L-Listen...

I was just wondering if... before I died,

I could pretend I had a father who...

cared for me.

Come here, son.

There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.

(quiet hissing)

(beep)

Come on, bomb-disarming robot.

You're our last hope.

Red wire. Blue wire.

Black is usually the ground.

-(groans): Uh, so much pressure. -(metal rattling)

Pressure!

(gunshot)

He'd been talking about it, but I-I didn't take him seriously.

♪ ♪

Marge!

Marge! Marge!

(smack, thud)

Oh, no, the epipha-tree!

Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do?

(wind rushes)

But how am I supposed to get up there?

(heavenly music plays)

Oh...

Here, buy yourself something nice.

Homer? What the hell are you doing now?

HOMER: Risking my life to save people I hate

for reasons I don't quite understand.

Got to go.

First, one stop.

(beep)

(tires squealing)

Bart? Son?

Do you think you could find it in your heart

to give your foolish old man one more chance?

(mumbling): Oh, I don't know...

It seems to me, son, that your father's saying

that he wants to spend his last minute with you.

No! I can't do it.

I want a father who's the same in the morning

as he is at night-- oh...

What's that word?

BOTH: Consistency.

Thanks, losers.

Sorry, Homer.

I'll let you hold the bomb.

-(beeping) -The man knows me.

(laughing)

Haaa!

I wish Homer was my father.

And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.

(crying)

I've been taking your crap all my life!

(grunting)

Whew! This feels good. No wonder you do it.

(grunting)

(engine roaring)

Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot

to throw that bomb through the hole.

Dad, in case I miss,

I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my father.

I don't blame you, Son-- I wasn't much of a father.

Maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me.

Yes, it's clear to me.

It's just been one long, unbroken cycle of...

Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

(engine revs)

(gasps)

(screaming)

(continues screaming)

D'oh!

(water burbling)

What? What's going on?

(wild cheering)

(thumping)

(anxious stammering)

(relieved sighs)

(loud explosion)

(high-pitched whoosh)

We did it, boy!

Uh, Dad?

(cracking, Homer yelps)

(cracking continues)

(both yelling)

(yells)

♪ ♪

(both screaming)

(screaming continues)

(distant screaming)

(screaming loudly)

(screaming continues)

(HOMER continues screaming)

(yelps)

(grunts)

-Whoo-hoo! -Whoo-hoo!

(explosion, shattering)

(excited chatter)

Magnificent!

It's amazing no one was hurt!

(loud thud)

Bye, everybody.

(dying groan)

(wind whistling)

Now, that was a great father/son activity.

Hello, Homer.

So, we meet at last, whoever you are.

There's a couple of things they don't teach you

at Harvard Business School.

One is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun.

I'm going to do both right now.

Wait! If you kill my dad,

you'll never know where the treasure is buried.

What treasure?

Uh... the treasure of Ima Wiener.

I'm a wiener?

(both laughing)

Classic.

Well, always leave 'em laughing. (chuckles)

Good-bye, sir.

(thump)

Maggie!

What a great little accident you turned out to be.

(sucking)

Colin? Colin!

Lisa... Colin's dead.

(gasps)

But his last words were,

(Irish accent): "Milhouse, take care of Lisa.

"Hold her hand."

Uh... I got her all warmed up for ya.

Colin!

Whoo! Hi.

-Hey, you want to go... -Clean up the lake!

Well, I was gonna say "get some ice cream," but okay.

(laughs): Oh! I-I like ice cream.

Kind of sweaty. Sorry.

(loud cheering)

(gasps): Boy, you survived! How?

I did things no dog should do.

They will haunt me forever.

I love you, too.

(cheering, whistling)

♪ ♪

Best kiss of my life.

Best kiss of your life so far.

♪ ♪

(electric saw whirring)

HOMER: Steady...

Steady...

Steady...

Uh, Dad?

Thanks, boy.

Steady...

(grunts)

Whoo-hoo!

-Waah...! -(BART laughing)

(loud thud)

(rock version of The Simpsons theme playing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

SMITHERS: They've taken everything, sir.

Smithers, I don't believe in suicide, but...

if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

♪ ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

(to The Simpsons theme): ♪ Da, da, da, da-da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪

(song ends)

This is Tom Hanks saying, if you see me in person,

please, leave me be.

-♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do... ♪ -♪ Spi... der... Pig... ♪

-♪ Ah, ah... ♪ -♪ Spi... der... Pig ♪

♪ Spider Pig ♪

♪ Spider Pig, Spider Pig ♪

♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does ♪

♪ Can he swing from a web? ♪

-♪ Oh, no ♪ -♪ No, he can't ♪

♪ He's a pig ♪

♪ Look out! ♪

♪ He is a Spider Pig ♪

-♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do... ♪ -♪ Spi... der... Pig ♪

♪ Look out! ♪

♪ He is a Spider Pig ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do... ♪ (song fades out)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Come on, Dad, let's go.

I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town.

You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film,

and all they ask is for you to memorize their names.

Well, I want to make sure no animals were harmed

during the filming of this movie.

-LISA: Phew! -HOMER: Okay.

-(crunch) -Ooh, floor popcorn!

(chomping, crunching)

Wait, wait, wait-- it looks like Maggie has something to say.

Oh, my God, her first word!

Sequel?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

MAN (to "La Marseillaise"): ♪ Springfield doesn't have an anthem ♪

(others join in): ♪ We thought we had one, but we don't ♪

(more join in): ♪ We paid a short guy to write it ♪

♪ But we never saw him again ♪

♪ The tune we stole from the French ♪

♪ There's a few things they do well ♪

♪ Like making love, wine, and cheese ♪

♪ Like Roqueforts, Camemberts, and Bries ♪

♪ Springfield ♪

♪ We're going to die ♪

♪ Springfield ♪

♪ I'm scared to die ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be.

♪ ♪

Four years of film school for this?

(indistinct whispering)

Shh.