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captioning made possible by
comedy central
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00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:09,609
♪ i'm going down
to south park ♪
3
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:11,777
♪ gonna have
myself a time ♪
4
00:00:11,777 --> 00:00:13,079
♪ friendly faces
everywhere ♪
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,814
♪ humble folks
without temptation ♪
6
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:16,115
♪ going down
to south park ♪
7
00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:18,284
♪ gonna leave my
woes behind ♪
8
00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,019
♪ ample parking
day or night ♪
9
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,320
♪ people spouting
"howdy neighbor" ♪
10
00:00:21,754 --> 00:00:23,055
♪ headin' on up
to south park ♪
11
00:00:23,055 --> 00:00:25,224
♪ gonna see
if i can't unwind ♪
12
00:00:25,224 --> 00:00:28,261
♪ ( muffled mumble
muffled mumble ) ♪
13
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:29,562
♪ so come on down
to south park ♪
14
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,731
♪ and meet some
friends of mine ♪♪
15
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,001
( school bell rings )
16
00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:37,169
okay, children,
let's take our seats.
17
00:00:37,169 --> 00:00:38,905
we have a new student
joining us today
18
00:00:39,338 --> 00:00:41,073
who has just moved here
from utah.
19
00:00:41,507 --> 00:00:44,544
i want you all
to say hi to gary !
20
00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:48,014
hello, everybody.
21
00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:49,315
it's really great
to meet you all !
22
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,050
gary was state champion
in wrestling
23
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:52,785
and in tennis !
24
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:54,954
he also maintained
a 4.0 grade point average
25
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:56,255
at his old school
26
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:59,725
and has been on two national
commercials for toothpaste.
27
00:00:59,725 --> 00:01:01,460
i'm really excited to
live in this town
28
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,195
and share all kinds of great
experiences with you,
29
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:05,364
my new friends !
30
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:06,666
oh dude,
what a little asshole.
31
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:08,401
yeah, screw that kid.
32
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,702
all right, gary, why don't you
take that empty seat
33
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,305
and we'll get started
with the lesson.
34
00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:16,208
hey, my name's gary.
35
00:01:16,208 --> 00:01:19,245
hi !
my name's ura !
36
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,980
ura fag !
37
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:24,450
that's funny !
you're cool, man.
38
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:25,751
okay now, who can
tell me what year
39
00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:28,354
the first astronauts
landed on the moon ?
40
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,523
ooh, ooh ooh ooh !
1969 !
41
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,258
very good, gary !
42
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,427
wow, looks like
i don't have a class
43
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,897
full of retards anymore,
doesn't it, children ?
44
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:41,801
dude, that new kid
is such a douche.
45
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,970
yeah, somebody needs to
put him in his place.
46
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,138
he's a pecker-face,
that's what he is !
47
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,440
go kick his ass,
stan !
48
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,741
yeah,
go kick his ass.
49
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:50,476
maybe he won't fight.
50
00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:51,344
will he bleed ?
51
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,645
that's all
we care about.
52
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:53,946
come on, dude,
somebody needs to
53
00:01:53,946 --> 00:01:55,247
wipe that ( bleeping )
smirk off his face.
54
00:01:55,681 --> 00:01:56,983
yeah,
little bitch !
55
00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:57,850
all right, i'm gonna go
kick his ass.
56
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,019
yeah, go stan !
go stan !
57
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:02,188
all right, i got five bucks
on the other kid.
58
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,923
who wants it ?
59
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:06,092
oh, hey there !
60
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,827
do you wanna kick the ball
around with me ?
61
00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:09,996
no, i'm...
62
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,297
i'm gonna
kick your ass.
63
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,164
excuse me ?
64
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,333
i'm gonna
kick your ass.
65
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,635
bitch.
66
00:02:16,068 --> 00:02:17,803
how come you
wanna fight me ?
67
00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:19,538
oh, i get it,
i'm the new kid.
68
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:21,273
yeah, i guess maybe
i deserve it.
69
00:02:21,707 --> 00:02:23,442
huh ?
70
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:25,177
it's really tough being
in a totally new place,
71
00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:27,346
but i think all you guys
are really cool, so,
72
00:02:27,346 --> 00:02:29,949
i understand if there's
initiation rights.
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00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:31,684
dude, stop it.
74
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,853
let him have it,
stan !
75
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,154
shut up, butters !
76
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,455
the other kids
are watching.
77
00:02:36,455 --> 00:02:38,624
look, do what you gotta do,
i won't fight back.
78
00:02:38,624 --> 00:02:40,359
i just hope that
maybe afterwards
79
00:02:40,359 --> 00:02:42,962
we can try to be
friends someday.
80
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,263
what are they doing ?
81
00:02:44,263 --> 00:02:47,299
they're just standing
there talking.
82
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,035
what happened ?
83
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:52,505
i'm... going over to his
house for dinner tonight.
84
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,674
( token )
what, how did that happen ?
85
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,276
he's... a really
nice kid.
86
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,144
you were supposed to
kick his ass,
87
00:02:58,577 --> 00:02:59,879
not lick his butthole !
88
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:01,180
you're having dinner
with his family ?!
89
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,783
what kind of family
has a kid like that ?
90
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,084
( laughter )
91
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,385
okay, my turn !
92
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:07,687
ooh, five !
93
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,855
one, two, three, four, five--
94
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:12,892
oh, "lost your mortgage--
pay $10,000" !
95
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,193
oh, no !
96
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:15,928
hey, it's gary !
97
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,663
gary !
great to see you !
98
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:18,964
how are you ?
99
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:20,266
hey, everybody, this is
my new friend, stan.
100
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,567
stan, this is
my mom and dad.
101
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:22,435
hi, stan !
102
00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:24,170
it's so nice
to meet you !
103
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:25,471
( gary )
and this is my
brother mark...
104
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:26,338
hi !
105
00:03:26,338 --> 00:03:27,206
my sister jenny...
106
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,507
hey !
107
00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:29,375
my little
brother dave...
108
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,242
hi !
109
00:03:30,242 --> 00:03:31,977
and my baby sister,
amanda !
110
00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:34,146
hello, stan !
111
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:35,448
well, it's great
you could join us
112
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,183
for family
home evening, stan !
113
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:38,484
what's that ?
114
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:39,785
that's when we don't
allow any tv,
115
00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:41,520
and just entertain each other
with music and stories !
116
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:42,822
doesn't your family
ever do that ?
117
00:03:43,255 --> 00:03:44,557
no.
118
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,858
hey kids, why don't you
grab your instruments
119
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,159
and play a song for stan ?
120
00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:49,328
all right !
let's do it !
121
00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:51,931
♪ yeah yeah yeah
i love my family ♪
122
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,533
♪ my family is the best ♪
123
00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:57,136
♪ if we ever have to
face a challenge ♪
124
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:01,040
our family !
♪ can pass the test ♪♪
125
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,076
oh boy, who is the best
mom in the world ?
126
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:05,811
yay !
all right, mom !
127
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:07,546
all right,
go dave !
128
00:04:07,546 --> 00:04:08,848
yes !
woo-hoo !
129
00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:10,583
where be your
gibes now ?
130
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,752
your gambols ?
your songs ?
131
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,920
hey ! hey ! hey !
hey ! hey !
132
00:04:15,354 --> 00:04:16,655
( laughter )
133
00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:17,957
that's a great
story, sarah.
134
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,258
all right, kids !
135
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:21,427
now how about we do some
scripture readings--
136
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,162
from the book of mormon !
137
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,463
all right !
yeah !
138
00:04:24,463 --> 00:04:26,198
woo-hoo !
yow !
139
00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:27,500
the book of mormon ?
what's that ?
140
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,235
you know, the book
that joseph smith found !
141
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,536
who's joseph smith ?
142
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,572
only the most important
person in the world !
143
00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:34,874
you never
heard of him ?
144
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:36,175
no !
145
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:37,910
tell us the story of
joseph smith again, dad !
146
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,079
tell us, tell us !
all right !
147
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,814
all right, you rascals,
gather 'round.
148
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:44,416
joseph smith lived in
a little american town
149
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,019
in the early 1800s.
150
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,526
( singers )
♪ joseph smith was
called a prophet ♪
151
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,261
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
152
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:57,429
♪ he started
the mormon religion ♪
153
00:04:57,863 --> 00:05:00,032
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
154
00:05:00,032 --> 00:05:02,201
there goes that
kooky joseph smith.
155
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,804
you know he claims he spoke
with god and jesus.
156
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,539
well, how do you
know he didn't ?
157
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:08,274
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
158
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:10,442
♪ joseph smith was
called a prophet ♪
159
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:11,744
hey, joseph !
160
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,346
i told my wife that you
spoke with god and jesus
161
00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:16,081
and she didn't
believe it !
162
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:17,383
well it's true,
i did !
163
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,118
where ?
164
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,287
i was out in
the woods, praying.
165
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,455
i was asking god if
i should be a protestant
166
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,191
or a catholic or what--
167
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,793
and suddenly, god and jesus
appeared before me.
168
00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:30,396
and they said i should
start my own church !
169
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:33,432
because none of the others
had it right.
170
00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:36,035
and that's exactly
how it happened !
171
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:37,770
you see ?
you believe it now ?
172
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,505
yeah, sure, why would
he make that up ?
173
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,674
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
174
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,409
♪ many people
believed joseph ♪
175
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,578
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
176
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,746
♪ and that night
he saw an angel ♪
177
00:05:47,746 --> 00:05:50,349
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
178
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,952
and please bless
mother and father.
179
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,687
and please keep our bellies
full of yum-yums
180
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,422
and luscious goodies.
181
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,157
aaah !
182
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,759
oh my gosh !
183
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:04,230
i am moroni,
i am a native american.
184
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:05,965
a native american ?
185
00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:07,700
but your skin
is white.
186
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,736
yes, long ago all
native americans were white.
187
00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:13,339
we all came to america
from jerusalem,
188
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:16,375
and while we were here
we were visited by christ.
189
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,978
jesus lived
here in america ?
190
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:21,580
yes, eventually my people
were all killed
191
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,749
by the other tribe of israel.
192
00:06:23,749 --> 00:06:26,785
and as punishment,
god turned their skin red.
193
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,822
these are the native
americans you know today.
194
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,991
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
195
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,593
there is an ancient book
buried near here
196
00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:37,196
written on gold plates that
account my people's lives.
197
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,931
also buried with the book
198
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,533
are two "seer" stones,
the urim and thummim,
199
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:44,136
which will allow you to
translate the writings.
200
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:47,606
find it and
fulfill your destiny.
201
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:50,209
wow !
202
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:51,944
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
203
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:54,113
♪ joseph smith was
called a prophet ♪
204
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:57,149
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪♪
205
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:59,318
and we all know what
happened then, don't we ?
206
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,053
yeah !
i know !
207
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:02,354
what happened then ?
208
00:07:02,354 --> 00:07:03,656
( bell dings )
209
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,957
ooh, therice krispie
squares are done !
210
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,559
rice krispie squares !
all right !
211
00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:09,728
hey gang, let's wrap some more
of them up in plastic wrap
212
00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,463
and hand them out
to the poor !
213
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:13,632
awesome !
i can't wait !
214
00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:14,934
you coming, stan ?
215
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,235
no, i was supposed
to be home at eight.
216
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:17,970
aw, that's too bad !
217
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,705
well, it was really nice
meeting you, stan !
218
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,440
'bye, stan !
see ya !
219
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,175
great to meet you !
'bye !
220
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,248
( door opens )
221
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:30,983
( laughter from tv )
222
00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:35,754
hello ?
223
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:37,489
oh, hi, stan.
224
00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:40,092
hey dad, how come you never
told me about joseph smith ?
225
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,393
who ?
226
00:07:41,827 --> 00:07:43,562
shut up, turd,
we're watching "friends" !
227
00:07:43,562 --> 00:07:45,731
the guy who spoke to
god and jesus.
228
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:48,767
well, stan, god and jesus
don't actually speak to people.
229
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:50,069
that's not what
the harrisons said.
230
00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:51,804
who are the harrisons ?
231
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,105
the new people that
moved in down the street.
232
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,708
mr. harrison said that joseph
smith spoke to god and jesus
233
00:07:56,141 --> 00:07:57,443
and they told him none of
the religions were right.
234
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:59,178
oh, did he now ?
235
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,479
what are they,
religious kooks ?
236
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,214
they're not kooks,
they're cool !
237
00:08:02,214 --> 00:08:03,949
how come we never have a night
where we don't watch any tv
238
00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:05,684
and we just do stuff together
and eat and drink ?
239
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,287
we have that, stan,
it's called friday night kegger.
240
00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:09,588
but that's just you
and your friends !
241
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,757
i said shut up, turd !
242
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,058
mr. harrison said that
i need to be following
243
00:08:13,058 --> 00:08:14,360
heavenly father's plan,
244
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,661
and i don't even know
what that is !
245
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:16,962
all right,
that does it.
246
00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:18,263
where are you going ?
247
00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:20,866
i'm gonna go have a talk
with this mr. harrison.
248
00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:22,601
if he thinks he can
fill my son's head
249
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,204
with whacko religious crap,
he's wrong !
250
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,939
randy, don't cause trouble.
251
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:28,674
let me handle this, sharon.
252
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,409
you gotta put these cult
people in their place
253
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,144
or else they never stop.
254
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,313
i'm gonna go kick
this mr. harrison's ass !
255
00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,650
this mr. harrison is
a white guy, right ?
256
00:08:39,084 --> 00:08:39,952
yeah.
257
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,687
yeah, i'm gonna go
kick his ass !
258
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:46,558
god damn
religious kooks.
259
00:08:46,558 --> 00:08:48,727
tell my son what to
believe, will you ?
260
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:51,330
we'll see how you like
my fist in your ass.
261
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,065
( pounding on door )
262
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,800
hello !
263
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,535
yeah, are you
mr. harrison ?
264
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,704
i sure am,
the name's gary.
265
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,306
well, look, my kid was just
over at your house and he--
266
00:09:01,306 --> 00:09:02,608
ooh, you're stan's dad !
267
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:04,777
it's so nice to
finally meet you !
268
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,512
karen !
mr. marsh is here !
269
00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:08,247
uh, look, i just wanna
tell you that--
270
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,416
oh, mr. marsh,
what a treat !
271
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,151
it's so nice
to meet you !
272
00:09:12,584 --> 00:09:13,886
well, thanks, uh--
273
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,055
karen just finished
baking the most amazing
274
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,356
rice krispie squares !
275
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,091
with chocolate frosting !
276
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:20,826
come on out of the cold,
you've gotta try one.
277
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:22,995
or six !
278
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:26,899
i cannot tell you how wonderful
it is to have you over !
279
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,501
i hear you're a geologist,
that is so amazing !
280
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:31,236
look, uh, i actually
came over
281
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,538
because i'm a little
concerned
282
00:09:32,971 --> 00:09:34,706
about some of the things
you told my son.
283
00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:36,442
uh-huh. uh-huh.
284
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:40,779
you know, about...
god and stuff.
285
00:09:40,779 --> 00:09:42,514
oh...
286
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:45,117
oh boy, you think we were
trying to convert him.
287
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:46,418
well, i--
288
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:48,587
oh, mr. marsh,
i am so sorry.
289
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,322
we just moved here
from utah
290
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:52,491
and we're so used to everyone
being mormon that we--
291
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,660
we forget not everyone
wants to hear about it !
292
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,395
oh boy, you
must be furious !
293
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,997
well... no,
no, i just--
294
00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:01,600
you just heard your son
talking about religious ideals
295
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,901
that aren't your own
and you said,
296
00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:05,504
"who the heck do these
people think they are ?"
297
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:07,673
i'm really,
truly sorry, mr. marsh,
298
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,408
it won't happen again.
299
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,577
you can...
call me randy.
300
00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:12,878
randy, the last thing we want
is for people to think
301
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:14,613
we're pushing our religion.
302
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:15,914
we know there are a lot
of beliefs out there
303
00:10:16,348 --> 00:10:17,649
and ours just
works for us.
304
00:10:17,649 --> 00:10:19,384
to each his own,
right ?
305
00:10:19,818 --> 00:10:21,120
yeah.
306
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,421
yeah !
307
00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:24,590
you know, to be honest,
i've never known any mormons,
308
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,758
i don't even know
what you people believe.
309
00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:28,927
who was this
joseph smith guy ?
310
00:10:28,927 --> 00:10:30,662
why did he believe
that native americans
311
00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:33,265
were actually white people
from jerusalem ?
312
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:34,566
well, because he found
ancient books
313
00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:36,301
they had written
on gold plates.
314
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:39,338
right where the angel moroni
said they would be.
315
00:10:43,675 --> 00:10:45,844
i found them !
i found them !
316
00:10:45,844 --> 00:10:48,013
you're not gonna
believe it, everybody !
317
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:49,314
i found them !
318
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:50,616
found what ?
319
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:53,218
another new testament
of jesus christ !
320
00:10:53,218 --> 00:10:55,821
what ?!
what'd he say ?
321
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,423
last night, a native american
angel told me
322
00:10:58,857 --> 00:11:01,026
where i could find another
testament of jesus christ,
323
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:03,629
so i went out to the woods...
324
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,231
i dug around all morning where
the angel had told me to look.
325
00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,834
hmmm, maybe there isn't
anything out here.
326
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:09,701
( clink )
327
00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:11,870
wait a tick !
what's this ?
328
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:14,473
wow...
329
00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,943
inside the stone box, i found
the magical seer stones.
330
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:20,112
under that, i found
four gold plates
331
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:22,714
written in
strange writing.
332
00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:25,317
this must be the gospel that
jesus told the nephites !
333
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:28,353
well, they were the most amazing
things i'd ever gazed upon !
334
00:11:28,353 --> 00:11:29,655
well,
so where are they ?
335
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,390
where are what ?
336
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,691
the gold plates and
the seer stones !
337
00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:33,992
where are they ?
338
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,294
oh.
339
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,029
oh, well, i was not
allowed to take them.
340
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,198
you see, after i found
the plates
341
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,366
the angel moroni
appeared to me again
342
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:43,535
and said that i am not
allowed to show the plates
343
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:46,138
or the seer stones
to anybody !
344
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,740
because first i must translate
what's written on the plates
345
00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:50,909
into english, so you can
all read it !
346
00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:52,644
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
347
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:56,114
wow !
that's amazing !
348
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,717
♪ he found the stones
and golden plates ♪
349
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:01,320
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
350
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,055
♪ even though nobody else
ever saw them ♪
351
00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:05,224
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪♪
352
00:12:10,862 --> 00:12:13,031
so, how'd it go,
"clubber lang" ?
353
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:15,200
you kick
mr. harrison's ass ?
354
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,501
not exactly.
355
00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,237
we're, uh, having
their family over
356
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,972
for dinner
tomorrow night.
357
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,273
see, that's what
happened to me !
358
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,309
sharon, did you know
this guy joseph smith
359
00:12:24,309 --> 00:12:27,346
found a new testament to the
bible buried here in america ?
360
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:28,647
what are you
talking about ?
361
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:29,948
well, it's just that--
362
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:32,117
the harrisons are
really nice people,
363
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:35,153
and you should see how loving
and together their family is.
364
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:37,322
i, i think there's something
to that religion.
365
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,057
that's what they
made me think too !
366
00:12:39,057 --> 00:12:40,359
all right,
that does it !
367
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,961
from now on,
our family is mormon !
368
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,733
hey stan, how was your date
last night with the new kid ?
369
00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:49,034
shut up, dude.
370
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,335
they're a nice family,
371
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:52,070
and gary is actually
really smart and talented.
372
00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:55,107
awww, you guys,
i think stan's in love !
373
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,842
yeah, did you make out
with him, too ?
374
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,143
what's the big deal ?
375
00:12:58,143 --> 00:12:59,011
can't i have
other friends ?
376
00:12:59,444 --> 00:13:00,746
you guys should give
gary a chance.
377
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:01,613
hey, stan !
378
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,348
oh, here's stan's little
girlfriend now !
379
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:04,650
hey, guys !
380
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:05,951
stan, i remember
you said last night
381
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,686
that you'd lost your wallet,
so i made you a new one.
382
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,421
i carved a picture
of john elway
383
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:10,722
into the leather
on the front.
384
00:13:10,722 --> 00:13:12,457
wow, you made this ?
385
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:13,759
oh, look at them !
386
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,494
aren't they
so cute together ?
387
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:16,795
hey, my family's
on their way
388
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,530
over to the fire station
to donate blood.
389
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:19,831
you wanna come along ?
390
00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,133
( gagging )
391
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,868
uh, i don't think so, gary,
i have to, uh...
392
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,037
oh, here comes
my family now !
393
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:26,772
hey guys !
hey guys !
394
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,940
look, we painted
our faces !
395
00:13:29,374 --> 00:13:30,242
( laughter )
396
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:31,543
i'm a lion !
397
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:32,844
i'm an alien !
398
00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:34,146
hey !
399
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:37,182
just what the heck am i
supposed to be ?
400
00:13:37,182 --> 00:13:38,917
my god.
401
00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:40,652
you gonna come with us to
the fire station, stan ?
402
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,821
uh, no,
i've got a lot to do.
403
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,424
well, gary, you wanna just hang
out with your friend stan ?
404
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:47,159
oh, well,
i'd like to, but--
405
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,328
oh man, i would
miss you guys so much !
406
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,063
we'd miss you too, gary !
407
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,364
oh, we'll all see
each other tonight
408
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,533
when we go to
stan's house for dinner !
409
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,268
stay and play with
your friends, gary.
410
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,003
yeah, have a
good time, boys !
411
00:13:58,437 --> 00:13:59,738
( laughter )
412
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,473
let's go !
413
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:04,076
our faces
are painted !
414
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,244
wow.
415
00:14:06,244 --> 00:14:08,413
so what do you
guys wanna do ?
416
00:14:08,413 --> 00:14:09,715
uh, that's cool.
417
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:11,016
we're gonna leave you
two lovebirds alone.
418
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:12,317
the three of us
have to go put in
419
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,052
some volunteer work
at the homeless shelter.
420
00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:14,920
oh, cool !
421
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,787
i'm gonna do that
tomorrow !
422
00:14:16,221 --> 00:14:17,956
( cartman snickering )
jesus christ !
423
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,294
so hey, i heard your dad
came over last night
424
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,029
and he and my dad talked
about joseph smith !
425
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,764
that's great !
426
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,933
yeah, i had a question about
that joseph smith guy.
427
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,234
sure !
428
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:30,535
what happened after he
found the golden plates
429
00:14:30,969 --> 00:14:31,837
buried in the ground ?
430
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,138
well, he kept them
hidden from everyone
431
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:34,439
like he was told.
432
00:14:34,439 --> 00:14:36,174
and then he translated what
was written on the plates
433
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:37,042
into the book of mormon !
434
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,777
yeah, but how ?
435
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:42,681
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
436
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,850
what's this all about,
mr. smith ?
437
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,018
mr. harris, can you
keep a secret ?
438
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,754
well, sure i can !
439
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,489
i have,
in my possession,
440
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,657
an ancient book
written on gold plates
441
00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:55,260
that tells of jesus christ's
second coming !
442
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:56,995
here, in america !
443
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:59,164
in america, really ?
444
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:01,333
that sounds
kind of...
445
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,502
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
446
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:04,803
it's true !
447
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,538
and i'm going to
translate the plates
448
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:09,141
and publish it into a book
for the whole world to read !
449
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:12,177
i know you have a lot
of money, mr. harris,
450
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,478
and i'm just gonna
need a little bit
451
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:15,213
to pay for the
publishing costs.
452
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:16,948
mmm, i don't know.
453
00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:18,683
how do you expect
to translate it ?
454
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:20,419
with these.
455
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:21,720
rocks ?
456
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,889
they're not rocks,
they're seer stones,
457
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:25,190
given to me by an angel !
458
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:26,925
with them,
god allows me
459
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:28,660
to translate the plates
into english.
460
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,395
watch !
461
00:15:30,395 --> 00:15:32,564
you take this quill and paper
and write down what i say.
462
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:33,865
sit here.
463
00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:35,167
i have the golden plates
here in this hat.
464
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,468
i need to have them
somewhere dark
465
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,203
so i can read
the spiritual light.
466
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,504
really ?
467
00:15:39,504 --> 00:15:41,239
when i put the seer
stones into the hat
468
00:15:41,239 --> 00:15:43,408
the ancient letters light up
and change to english
469
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:45,143
which i can then
read to you !
470
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:47,746
wow !
471
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:50,348
ooh, i'm seeing
the light !
472
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:52,951
okay, write this down.
473
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:57,289
"and so...
it was that...
474
00:15:57,722 --> 00:16:02,060
christ appeared
before the nephites."
475
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,229
♪ and that's how the book
of mormon was written ♪
476
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,398
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
477
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:08,567
♪ dum-dee dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
478
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,302
♪ dum-dee
dum-dum dum-dum-dum ♪
479
00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:12,471
♪ dum, dum,
dum-dum-dum ♪
480
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,639
♪ dum dum-dum dum-dum
dum dummm ♪♪
481
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:18,977
one, two, three, four--
482
00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:21,146
"pay $1,000
property tax" !
483
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,315
isn't this great,
you guys ?
484
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:25,484
our first
family home evening.
485
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,652
i wanna watch tv !
486
00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,387
we're not watching tv,
we're mormons now
487
00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,556
and we're having
family home evening !
488
00:16:31,556 --> 00:16:32,858
dad, did you know that
that joseph smith guy
489
00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:35,026
read the book of mormon
out of a hat ?
490
00:16:35,026 --> 00:16:36,328
and ?
your turn, sharon.
491
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,629
it's just that,
492
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:38,930
the book of mormon says
a lot of strange stuff.
493
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:41,533
like that adam and eve lived
in jackson county, missouri ?
494
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,268
yes ?
495
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:44,569
but school taught me that
the first man and woman
496
00:16:44,569 --> 00:16:45,437
lived in africa.
497
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:46,738
well, you can't believe
everything
498
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:48,039
school tells you, stan.
499
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:49,341
your turn,
shelley.
500
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,642
( doorbell rings )
501
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:53,678
ooh, that must be
the harrisons !
502
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:55,413
hey, everybody !
503
00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:58,016
wow, what
a great house !
504
00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,619
you must be mrs. marsh,
it's so nice to meet you !
505
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,354
and you must be
stan's sister !
506
00:17:02,787 --> 00:17:04,523
oh, i think your
brother's the greatest !
507
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,691
my brother is
a stupid turd.
508
00:17:06,691 --> 00:17:07,559
hey, stan !
509
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,294
hey, gary.
510
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,595
well, come on in
and sit down, everybody.
511
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:12,330
you're here just in time.
512
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,933
my son was having a little
problem with our new religion.
513
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:15,800
dad !
514
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,102
oh, really ?
515
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,837
well, that's just because
he hasn't heard
516
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:21,006
the best part about
the joseph smith story !
517
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:24,042
the one that proves
he was for real !
518
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,343
yeah !
yeah !
519
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,645
ooh, what's that ?
520
00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:28,380
well, you remember
martin harris,
521
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,115
the rich man
who wrote down
522
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,284
what joseph smith read
out of the hat ?
523
00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,585
yeah.
524
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,754
see, after he was done,
he took some of the pages
525
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:38,790
of what would become
the book of mormon, home !
526
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,525
♪ martin went home
to his wife ♪
527
00:17:40,525 --> 00:17:42,694
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
528
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,863
♪ and showed her pages
from the book of mormon ♪
529
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:47,032
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
530
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:50,068
and so, joseph smith
put his head into a hat
531
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:52,671
and read to me what
the golden plates said !
532
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:53,538
i wrote it all down,
533
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,141
and we're gonna
publish it into a book !
534
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:58,743
martin, how do you know he
isn't just making stuff up
535
00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:02,213
and pretending he's translating
off golden plates ?
536
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:03,949
♪ lucy harris
smart-smart-smart ♪
537
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,117
♪ smart-smart
smart-smart-smart ♪
538
00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:08,286
why would he
make it up ?
539
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:10,455
♪ martin harris
dum-dum-dum ♪
540
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:11,756
all right, here.
541
00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:13,491
i'm gonna hide
these pages.
542
00:18:13,491 --> 00:18:16,094
if joseph smith really is
translating off of golden plates
543
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:17,829
then he'll be able
to do it again.
544
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:19,564
but if joseph smith
is making it all up,
545
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:22,167
then the new translations
will be different from these.
546
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,468
okay, fine !
547
00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:25,637
i bet he'll have
no problem !
548
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,372
♪ lucy harris
smart-smart-smart ♪
549
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,541
♪ martin harris, dumb ♪
550
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:31,276
♪ so martin went on
back to smith's ♪
551
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:33,445
♪ said the pages
had gone away ♪
552
00:18:33,878 --> 00:18:37,782
♪ smith got mad and told martin
he needed to go pray ♪
553
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:40,385
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
554
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:43,421
look, i'm sorry about losing
the pages we worked on, joe.
555
00:18:43,855 --> 00:18:45,156
but i'm ready to
write it all down again
556
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,325
if you translate
from the plates.
557
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,928
i would love to,
martin, except--
558
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:51,229
i just had a vision.
559
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,398
and the lord said he is
very angry with me
560
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,133
for letting you
take those pages !
561
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,434
he is ?!
562
00:18:56,868 --> 00:18:58,603
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
563
00:18:58,603 --> 00:18:59,471
yes !
564
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:01,206
he is so mad that
he will never let me
565
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,375
translate from the plate
of lehi again.
566
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:06,411
he said we must now translate
from the plate of nephi.
567
00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,580
so it will be
the same basic story,
568
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:10,749
but written a little
differently.
569
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,484
wow !
570
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,219
if god got angry with you
571
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:16,388
then you must be
telling the truth !
572
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:18,556
♪ dum-dum
dum-dum-dum ♪
573
00:19:18,556 --> 00:19:20,725
all right, martin,
let's get to work !
574
00:19:24,629 --> 00:19:26,364
and that's
how it happened !
575
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,099
yeah !
all right !
576
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,437
wait, mormons actually
know this story
577
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,040
and they still believe
joseph smith was a prophet.
578
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,208
well sure, the story
proves it, doesn't it ?
579
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,377
no, it proves he did
make it all up !
580
00:19:39,377 --> 00:19:40,679
are you blind ?!
581
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,414
well, stan, it's all
a matter of faith !
582
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:44,149
no, it's a matter
of logic !
583
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:45,450
if you're gonna say things
that have been proven wrong,
584
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,185
like that the first man and
woman lived in missouri
585
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,354
and that native americans
came from jerusalem,
586
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,089
then you better have
something to back it up !
587
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,258
all you've got are a bunch of
stories about some asswipe
588
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,559
who read plates nobody
ever saw out of a hat
589
00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:55,860
and then couldn't do it again
590
00:19:56,294 --> 00:19:57,595
when the translations
were hidden !
591
00:19:57,595 --> 00:19:59,764
hey, stan, don't
denounce our religion.
592
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,933
i don't want to be
mormon, dad !
593
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:03,668
me neither.
594
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:04,969
hey, that's totally
cool, guys,
595
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:06,271
you can believe
whatever you want !
596
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,006
yeah, it's great you have
your own beliefs !
597
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:09,307
yeah !
598
00:20:09,307 --> 00:20:10,608
yay for the marshes !
599
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:11,910
oh, stop it !
600
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,211
that's another thing !
601
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:14,512
why do you have to be so
frickin' nice all the time ?
602
00:20:14,512 --> 00:20:15,814
it isn't normal !
603
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,549
you just weasel people
into your way of thinking
604
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,850
by acting like the happiest
family in the world
605
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:20,585
and being so nice to everyone
606
00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:22,754
that you just blindside
dumb people like my dad !
607
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,055
yeah !
608
00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:30,562
( sighs )
well, kids...
609
00:20:30,995 --> 00:20:33,164
who's up for a water
balloon fight ?!
610
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:34,466
yeah !
611
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:41,406
oh, hey stan, where's your
best buddy gary ?
612
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,141
i'm not hanging around
that kid anymore.
613
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,310
oh, no,
you guys broke up ?
614
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,912
you guys were right, okay ?
the new kid's a douche.
615
00:20:47,912 --> 00:20:49,647
now i just gotta find a way
to keep him away from me.
616
00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:50,949
hey, stan.
617
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,250
oh, brother.
618
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,419
uh-oh, the jilted
lover returns !
619
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:55,720
listen, i just wanted
to let you know
620
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,588
you don't have to
worry about me
621
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,889
trying to be
your friend anymore.
622
00:20:57,889 --> 00:20:59,190
i don't ?
623
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:00,925
look, maybe us mormons do
believe in crazy stories
624
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:02,227
that make
absolutely no sense.
625
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:03,962
and maybe joseph smith
did make it all up--
626
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:06,564
but i have a great life
and a great family.
627
00:21:06,564 --> 00:21:08,299
and i have the book of mormon
to thank for that.
628
00:21:08,733 --> 00:21:11,336
the truth is, i don't care if
joseph smith made it all up.
629
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:12,637
because what the
church teaches now
630
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,240
is loving your family,
being nice and helping people.
631
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,408
and even though people in this
town might think that's stupid,
632
00:21:17,842 --> 00:21:19,577
i still choose
to believe in it.
633
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:21,746
all i ever did was try to
be your friend, stan.
634
00:21:21,746 --> 00:21:23,047
but you're so
high and mighty
635
00:21:23,047 --> 00:21:23,915
you couldn't
look past my religion
636
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:25,216
and just be my friend back.
637
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:26,951
you've got a lot of
growing up to do, buddy.
638
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:28,686
suck my balls.
639
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:35,193
damn, that kid is
cool, huh ?
640
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:38,229
captioning made possible by
comedy central
641
00:21:38,229 --> 00:21:41,266
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