Original subtitles

- Uh, excuse me?

Ma'am, you're in the wrong house.

- Ha. Ha.

Your Mom suggested I treat myself for my birthday.

- So, you bought yourself a skirt?

- Your father's gonna play a round of golf in Scotland

and the kilt is traditional dress.

- Hm, traditionally, you should shave your legs

before you wear a dress.

- What the kids mean to say is...

- ALL: Happy Birthday, Dad!

- Aw, it means so much to me that your Mom made you say it.

Well, I'd better get going so I don't miss my tee time.

Thunderman, away! - [loud thud]

- Man skirt! Nobody look up!

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- ♪

- Okay, your Dad's gonna be gone all day.

That gives us time to set up the perfect party

and make up for last year.

- HANK: [groaning]

- I'm sorry, Hank.

I thought fish was supposed to smell like this.

- ALL: [sadly] Happy Birthday, Dad...

- [ambulance siren wailing]

- I know this is kind of weird,

but I really want fish sticks right now.

- Don't worry, Mom. Max and I wanna do our part this year.

- Yeah, I guess the big guy does deserve one birthday

that doesn't end up on a stretcher.

- Billy, Nora and I will handle the cake,

gift-wrapping and decorations.

- I'll blow up the rubber bubbles.

- Don't you mean balloons?

- Balloons! [zooming]

- All I need from you two

is to pick up your Dad's birthday watch at the mall.

- That's it? - Zip it, Phoebe.

They have three things to do. We only have one.

- And don't get distracted at the mall.

Be back as soon as you can

and remember the party's a surprise.

- [zooming] Surprise!

- Whose turn is it to explain things to Billy?

- Looks like I'm up. See you guys in a few hours.

- ♪

- So, that was women's perfume

that girl sprayed you with. [laughing]

- Yeah, for the second time, I realize that.

- Well, at least we got Dad's watch.

- Yeah, with time to spare--

which is why I called Oyster.

- What's up, dude? - Hey!

- OYSTER: [sniffing]

You smell like my nana.

- Well, then, your nana smells great.

- Max, I can't believe you called Oyster

when Mom wanted us home as soon as possible.

- Hey, Phoebe, got your text.

- Texting's not calling.

Besides, we know how to navigate the mall.

Guys get distracted by the littlest--

- MAX & OYSTER: Ear Blasters!

- Ear Blasters?

- They're the most awesomest headphones ever.

- Yeah!

They have 18-micro speakers that use

your eardrums as real drums.

- Ten out of ten doctors do not recommend 'em.

- Ear Blasters are impossible to find, but they're here.

[hissing] They're only $80.

- Fine. Half an hour, Max.

We can't be late for Dad's party.

- I cannot wait to wear those

so I cannot hear her any more.

- All right, we have time for two stores,

the food court and the carousel.

- Carousel? - I'm just kidding.

Unless you want to.

- I kinda want to!

- Oh, great, Madison is here.

That spoiled snob is so fake.

Hi, Madison! - Hi, girls!

- Hm... - Mmm...

- Is that a Sarah Finn bag?

I didn't know they opened a store here.

- [laughing] Oh, sweetie, of course you didn't.

It's very high class.

And you're more...

gym class.

I'm sure the Denim Dungeon's having a sale.

Hasta.

- [scoffs] Well, we know where we're going.

- The carousel? - Sarah Finn.

No, Ashley, we have to go to that store

and prove to Madison that we're just as good as she is.

Then we'll go to the...

carousel. - Denim Dungeon?

- Okay, we need to get on the same page here.

- I did it and it's not upside down this time.

- Good boy. Who wants a treat?

- Nora, we talked about this.

Billy is not a dog.

- [panting, scratching]

- Not helping, sweetie.

You guys, the place looks great.

At this rate, we'll be done way before your Dad gets home.

- WOMAN ANNOUNCING: Alert! Alert!

Your Dad is home. - BARB: [gasps]

He's early!

Oh, if he sees this, the surprise will be ruined.

Hide the decorations.

- On it!

[zooming]

- Mom, the cake! - Oh!

- COLOSSO: Hey! I'm covered in cake!

[happily] Hey, I'm covered in cake!

- Hank, what happened?

- They closed the course due to bad weather

and on the way home, I was struck by lightning--

twice!

- I thought lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

- Tell that to Dad's butt. [laughing]

- Y-You can't sit down.

After a lightning strike,

the last place you should be is inside.

- You mean where there isn't lightning?

- Well, it's just that you're full of electricity.

It's not safe for the kids.

- Don't you want us to be safe, Daddy?

- Yeah, don't you love us?

- Guys, relax. I am perfectly--

- BARB: [powers zapping] - HANK: Whoa!

Was that me? - Yes. Yes.

We should get you outside

until the electricity leaves your body.

[quietly] Put the decorations back.

- On it.

[zooming]

Oops.

- Right, one more dollar and those Ear Blasters are mine.

Why isn't this thing taking my last dollar?

- Because your face is on it.

- Oh, it's a Max Buck.

Wonder why these things never caught on?

- Maybe because there's a bunny on the back.

- Here, spot me a real dollar.

- No can do, bro.

I threw all my change in that pond.

I wished you'd get those headphones.

Oh, man, I said it out loud.

Now you're not gonna get 'em.

- Guard the machine. I'll be right back.

Heh, heh, it's like stealing candy from a baby.

Shhhh...

- ♪

- Check it out.

I feel like royalty.

- Phoebe, we can't afford anything in this store.

These socks are $300.

Perfect!

- Relax, I'm not gonna buy this.

We're just gonna try on the nice clothes,

hide the tags and then take selfies.

Here. - [cellphone camera clicks]

- Then we'll post our glam pics

and prove to Madison she was wrong about us.

Even though I have worn this in gym class.

- Hello? [laughing]

Sorry, we get this all the time.

The Denim Dungeon has moved downstairs.

This is a Sarah Finn store now.

I'll just hang these back up for you.

- That was rude.

He doesn't know us.

- You're right. He doesn't.

[fake British accent] Pardon me, sir,

but we are still undecided about those garments.

- Excuse me?

- I am Lady Pipi Whiffenpouf and this is...

- [fake British accent] Lady Gaga.

No relation.

- We are wealthy heiresses from jolly old England.

- Really?

- But if we're not welcome here,

perhaps we should take our business elsewhere.

- Uh, don't be silly.

Uh, London is my favorite city.

I love Piccadilly Circus.

- Ah, well, then Piccadilly us more outfits.

- Right away.

Uh, ladies, some treats for our special guests.

If you need anything at all, just ask.

Oh... - Ah...

- BOTH: [excited squealing]

- Lady Gaga? - Lady Whiffleball.

- Close enough. Woo!

- [cellphone ringing]

- I just sent two teenagers to the mall.

What was I thinking?

I sent two kids to bake a cake.

What was I thinking?

- HANK: Barb?

Barb?

- Yes, Hank?

- How much longer do I have to stand here in these tires?

I look ridiculous.

- Well, the rubber is canceling out

the electric current in your body.

- Yeah, but I'm so--

- Uh! Uh! Uh! Take it from Electriss--

electrical charges are no laughing matter.

- Isn't that from one of your old safety commercials

back in Metroburg?

- Take it from Electriss--

electrical charges are no laughing matter.

Use your dome. Protect your home.

- MALE ANNOUNCING: Paid for by Superheroes for Safety.

- Just stay here until Max and Phoebe get back.

- Barb, wait, don't go inside.

- No, I don't think you should--

- HANK: Ahhhh! - BARB: Hank?

Oh!

- Where am I going now?

Help! - Hank?

- [car horn blaring]

- If Dad's going to the store,

tell him we're out of milk.

- Fifty-five cents. Over half way there.

Oyster, how're you doin'? - All good here.

- Ear Blasters for only a dollar?

- Not good. Not good here. You'd better hurry.

- Are you stealing money?

- No.

I'm...

the Wish Fairy

and I'm just collecting money

to take it back to Wishville.

You got a wish?

A penny, huh?

A couple of quarters and your wish goes on the fast track.

- Thanks, Mr. Fairy.

- Outta my Wish Pond, punk.

- Take your hands off the Wish Fairy.

[kicks guard] - Ow!

- Thanks, kid.

How are you doing that?

- It's not a very big pond. - Aw...

- [clears throat] - Why, thank you.

Your dry and crumbly muffins are surprisingly smashing.

- They're scones and they taste even better

when you buy something.

- All in good time, old chap.

- Or do you prefer gov'nor?

- Come on, let's get a picture with our fancy food.

- What's a scone, anyway?

- Who cares--as long as Madison sees us eating it.

- [cellphone camera clicks]

- MAX: Let me go! You're not even a real cop.

- You've gotta be kidding me.

- Lady Whifflepouff, wait!

- [store alarm wailing]

- Stop her!

- Ah!

- What did you do, Max?

- This girl is a thief.

- What did you do, Phoebe?

- She stole a Sarah Finn vest.

- No, no, I was just coming to check on my brother.

- Who also seems to be in the family business.

- Wait, my Dad's birthday watch is still in the store.

- Oh, did you lose your watch like you lost your accent?

- Oh, my "Gurd", Phoebe.

Shoplift much? - [cellphone camera clicks]

- You two are banned for life.

- You can't do that!

- [sighing] I can't believe he did that.

- We can't go home empty-handed

and ruin Dad's birthday--again.

Do you know how mad Mom's gonna be?

- [cellphone ringing]

- Looks like we're about to find out. Hey, Mom.

- BARB ON PHONE: Where are you guys?

You were supposed to be home an hour ago.

- Yeah, I know we're late. It's...

Well, it's old Phoebe.

- BARB: Get back here. I'm not kidding around.

- We'll be there.

Phoebe's just gotta do one more thing.

- BARB: Tell Phoebe to--

- Woo, she is not happy with you.

- Ashley, did you find my Dad's watch in the Sarah Finn store?

- No, I looked everywhere. What else can I do?

I'm all yours until my Mom gets here.

- Well, it would be great if you could--

- [cellphone musical tone] - Oh, that's my Mom. Gotta go.

- We've gotta get back inside and get Dad's watch.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- I'm never thinking what you're thinking.

- ♪

- It took two hours to make a cake

that Dad's gonna eat in two seconds.

- So, what's next?

- Looks like we have time to wrap our gifts for Dad.

- On it! [zooming]

[sighing]

I no longer regret my summer at gift wrapping camp.

- Well, you're gonna.

- They warned me at camp there'd be haters!

- NORA: [zapping] - BILLY: Ah! Ah!

- ♪

- [bins thud] - PHOEBE: [grunts]

You're supposed to be an evil genius

and this is the best you got?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you giving me 'tude from outside or inside the mall?

- KIDS: [shouting] - Oh, no, Oyster's in trouble.

- Forget him, Max. We have to find Dad's watch.

Oyster can take care of himself.

- [high-pitched] Stay back! Stay back!

Hold up, bro. You're not touching this screen.

Ha! Ha!

Ugh!

It tastes like the flu.

- KIDS: [shouting]

- See, I told you Oyster's got it.

- Oh, he's gonna get something.

- Come on, let's find Dad's watch.

- Oh, tell Jocelyn that I'll be back in 15.

I need a massage.

Ooh...

Hm...

- I think Dad's watch just found us.

- [fake British accent] My word!

How dare that thief call me a thief.

- Why are you talking like that?

- I dunno. It helps me forget I'm in a garbage can.

Tally-ho!

- Barb, I have to go to the bathroom.

- Not so fast.

Remember, if you "charge" into electrical situations,

you might be "shocked" by what happens.

- Really, Barb? More safety commercials?

- Take it from Electriss--

if you "charge" into electrical situations,

you may be "shocked" by what happens,

and that's what's up.

- MALE ANNOUNCING: Paid for by Superheroes for Safety.

- I swear I don't have any charge in me,

but I do have plenty of water and it wants out!

Is there something wrong with your neck?

- Yeah, someone in tires rolled over me

when I was trying to save them. Just...

Kids! No, you can't go inside yet.

The kids have something to show you.

Quick, blindfold your Dad for his birthday piñata

that he will hit because it exists.

- Why are we talking like this?

- Blindfold the man.

- I love piñatas.

Is it filled with candy or steak?

No, don't tell me. Let it be a surprise.

Please be steak!

[laughing]

- Okay, the piñata's in front of you.

Swing away!

- [broom whooshing]

- I can't believe Max and Phoebe aren't here yet

with your father's gift.

His birthday's gonna be ruined again.

- Ooh, so close, Dad.

- Aw, I'm comin' for you, candy--

and/or steak! - [broom whooshing]

- He's had like 50 swings.

When's it gonna be my turn?

- [broom whooshing]

- [banana peel whooshes, splats] - KID: Oh!

- We've gotta get rid of that masseuse.

I know. We'll find the security office,

hack into the mall's PA system and then announce that--

- Or we can do this.

- Less clever, but whatevs.

- MAN: My back is in knots

thanks to this girl who came into my store.

She tried to steal a vest. Can you believe it?

- She sounds annoying.

- Mmm. You should've seen what she was wearing.

Two words--last season.

- [pounding on back] She could have nicer clothes at home!

You don't know!

- [voice vibrating] Easy...

That's not a knot, that's my spine.

- [coins rattle]

- Four quarters!

Hello, Ear Blasters.

- Max, no. Watch, remember?

- Wait, I'd know that accentless voice anywhere.

Hmmmm...

- You stole my Dad's watch and I want it back.

- MAN: [grunting]

- Max, the watch! - Phoebe, the Ear Blasters!

- Dad's birthday is more important.

- [powers whooshing] - What is happening?

Oh! [straining]

[sputtering]

I am the weekend Assistant Manager of Sarah Finn.

I don't deserve this.

- But you do deserve this.

- [hand smacks face] Oh!

- I got 'em. Thank you, Mr. Fairy.

- All right, come on, we can still make it to Dad's party.

- Wait, where's Oyster?

- Uh, he must have given up and gone home.

- [muffled screaming]

- [broom whooshing]

- [grunting]

Man, this is a small piñata.

- [broom whooshing]

- Guys? Guys?

There's no piñata.

I've been swinging at imaginary meat?

Why does my birthday hate me?

- [thunder crashing]

- Oh, that cloud looks familiar.

- This is the last message I'm gonna leave.

I can't believe how irresponsible you two are being.

I mean, I expect this from you, Max,

but not you, Phoebe.

Is what I would have said...

if you just hadn't walked in. Bye.

Perfect timing.

Give or take three hours.

Okay, everybody hide. I'll go get Hank.

- Oh, I need a bathroom!

- ALL: Surprise!

- Oh, ho, ho, ho. You guys...

This is perfect. I had no idea.

- We invited all the people that you love the most.

- Thank you for coming, everyone.

This is the best birthday ever.

Now I've just gotta-- - Wait, Dad.

Uh, here, open this.

It's from all of us. - Okay.

- You have no idea what this cost me.

Ear Blasters.

It cost me a pair of Ear Blasters.

- Oh, a new watch!

Thanks, guys.

You have no idea what this means

and I'll tell you as soon as I go to the bathroom!

- But, honey, someone's in there.

- Oh, I can't wait.

I'm going to the gas station.

- [thunder crashing] - [electrical zapping]

- [loud thud]

- I'm sorry, Hank!

I had no idea this watch was a super-conductor of electricity.

- [sadly] Happy Birthday, Dad...

- [ambulance siren wailing]

- Take it from Electriss--

cramming too many plugs into a socket isn't cool.

So fight that urge and get a surge...protector.

Take it from Electriss--

before leaving home, make sure you turn off the lights

because wasting electricity megahertz us all.

- MALE ANNOUNCING: Paid for by Superheroes for Safety.

- ♪