Original subtitles

I'm late, I know.

Huh.

Did anyone call?

No.

Kendra didn't call?

No. No one.

That's good.

My son had a game this morning,

and he wanted me to wait for his dad to get there,

and then I got caught in some traffic or an accident...

You got in an accident?

What? No, I got stuck in the traffic of an accident.

What are you doing?

Dishes.

Okay. Well, can you come help me set up?

What do we need to set up?

The room, for the meeting.

Why are you doing dishes?

No one cleaned up from this morning.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's very responsible of you to...

Yeah. We got to tell them to clean up after themselves.

I... I definitely did tell them that.

What... who was it? Aa?

No, al-anon. Aa cleans up after themselves.

Okay. Well, can you, uh...

How about you do that a little bit later

and what... you wanna come help me set up this room?

I wanna set it up before Kendra gets here.

Okay.

Here. Help me pull out this table.

Okay.

Oh, careful. Careful, careful.

Oh, sorry.

Let's see. Center it a little more.

Okay.

Hi.

Hello. Hi.

- Judy? - Yes.

Kendra Carter. Pleasure.

Well, this is very nice.

Thank you so much. We think so too.

Most people just drive north to St. Thomas these days,

but we find plenty to do here.

So where will they be meeting?

Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry.

I'm taking too long.

Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, I just...

No, no, no, you're not being rude. This is...

That's a really wonderful question.

They're in a room downstairs.

Here, follow me.

We usually have meetings down here,

but the reverend thought

they might need a little more privacy,

so we're gonna put them in the back.

Well, if you think it's best.

I do. I do.

I think it's lighter, it has better...

You know, it's nicer.

And Linda approved it?

I've never actually met Linda.

She's not a parishioner here. So...

But she's seen it?

Um, well, she met with the reverend here privately,

uh, several times.

So I'm assuming that she did.

- Uh... - Oh.

Will we hear this music back there?

Oh, shoot. Yeah, that's a problem.

It might be. Can they stop?

Uh, they have lessons today.

Can't we just close the doors?

I don't want it to be a distraction.

You know what? I'm gonna talk to them.

- It'll be fine. - Thank you.

Absolutely. Uh, do you want to see the room?

- Yes, please. - Okay.

What do you think?

It's better back here.

Oh, right.

Sorry. I was told no one would be in the building is all.

Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry.

We usually have them practice down here.

But they're... we moved them to the church.

Okay, so will anyone else be in here?

The choir's rehearsing for tomorrow.

Oh, right. I'm so sorry that I moved the chairs.

Oh, no, it's fine.

But they're rehearsing up in the church though?

Yeah.

That should be fine.

Anthony, can you, um, go downstairs

and get the snacks that I brought and bring them up

and set them up on the far table over there?

Thank you.

But the room's okay?

I think so.

Great.

We got some bagels and some water and, um, coffee.

I'm gonna make some great coffee.

That's a nice idea.

Okay. Um, and the... Sorry about the chairs,

- but the table is okay? - The table?

The placement of the table is good for you?

- It's fine. - For the...?

Okay. Great.

That's great.

Placement of the table's great.

Do you have tissues? Like a tissue box?

Yeah, we have some right over here.

That's a really great idea. Of course.

All right. Now we're getting somewhere. Um...

How many people are coming, again?

- Why? - There'll be four of them.

You got, like, a lot of food.

I don't think they'll be eating.

- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... - What's this?

That's my lunch. You can put that away. Um...

Sorry. I thought that I should have some food.

Yeah, no, no. It's a really nice thought.

I just... I don't think we need to put all of that out.

- It's... we shouldn't. - Right.

Right. Okay.

So how long have you worked with the families?

- Anthony. That... - What?

That's okay.

Just the one family.

But six years now.

- Wow. - Oh, wow.

Were you working with the family before the...?

No, no, no. It's how we met.

- Can we move these? - Yes, absolutely.

- Thank you. - Have they done this before?

Anthony, that's none of our business.

Have you printed out for tomorrow?

- I did. - Okay,

did you fold for tomorrow?

- Sorry about him. - No, he's fine.

We were gonna give him the day off,

but then his family, they really need to keep him busy.

You don't need to explain.

Okay, that's good of you.

I mean, he's really sweet, most of the time.

But he's not your typical, uh, church employee.

But then again, we are episcopalian.

Sorry, that's just a little Christian humor.

Oh, no, don't put it in the center.

- Oh. - It looks freaky.

Uh, put it to the side or maybe back over there,

so they see it, but you know...

Right. I'm sorry. Of course.

So where...? Are you gonna be doing all of this

in here with them or...?

No, they've, uh, they've agreed to be alone.

Well, um, you can come hang with us.

We're, um... we have a lot of room

and we have great Wi-Fi.

Um, I have a few calls I need to make

so I'll probably just work from the car.

Oh, no, that's sad. You should stay with us.

You can have the reverend's whole office.

Oh, okay, we'll figure it out.

- Okay. - Um...

What are these?

Oh, yeah. Aren't those really neat?

That was a school project. It's supposed to be

stained glass.

Is there something wrong?

Oh.

Right.

It's fine. You know what?

I'm... I'm gonna step out and make a call. Okay?

- Sure, yes. - Thanks.

Yes, please. Take your time.

Okay, that's it. Here we are.

I know. Keep driving.

What?

Just... I'm not... not now.

I'm not ready yet. Just keep driving.

I don't know where we are.

Anywhere. Just go. Just drive.

Pull up around the corner there, over there somewhere.

- Just go! - Okay. Okay.

Hi, Linda. No problem. I'm here. Take your time.

Have you spoken with Richard?

What the hell are we doing here?

Are you gonna be all right?

Honey?

I don't know.

- Okay. - No, I don't know if I can...

I don't know if I can do it.

Well, we don't have to.

We could just turn around and leave.

If that's what you want.

No.

I mean, I don't think I can say it.

Okay.

Well, you know, you don't have to.

We could just go there

and listen to what they have to say.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

All right?

If I don't, would you?

I'm sorry. That's not fair.

No, it's... you know, it's not...

I wouldn't, but...

Come on. Are you ready to go back?

Okay.

All right.

Absolutely. We can discuss that

when I get back day after tomorrow.

Oh, dear.

Mr. and Mrs. Perry?

Jay, please. Kendra?

Yes.

Gail?

Hi.

- Hi. Jay Perry. - Oh, hi.

- This is my wife, Gail. - My name is Judy.

- Hello. - Hi, Judy.

- Hi. - I'm Jay.

Hi. Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you for, uh, providing the space.

Oh, absolutely. We're so happy we could help.

Well, we have you all set up right back here.

Oh, yeah. We have some food...

Great.

...and some coffee, and some water. Do y'all want anything?

I think we're good for now. Right?

I'm fine.

- Thank you, Judy. - Yeah, thank you.

Should... do you want me to show you the space?

No, I'll show them. Thank you.

Okay, great. It's so lovely to meet both of you, so much.

- Thank you. - You can follow me.

Right here.

Is the room okay for you?

Uh...

Table, chairs,

Jesus watching us.

It's great.

Okay. Well, I know

we've gotten your signatures on everything,

and you're all squared away

as far as our offices are concerned.

But... while it's just the three of us,

is there anything you want to ask me?

I think we're okay.

Will they be here soon?

I just spoke with them.

They should be here any minute.

- Oh. - Would you be okay

if I left you alone for just a bit?

Absolutely. Sure.

I'll be right back.

Hi. No, I'm outside.

Oh, I... I see you.

We're right in here.

- Hello. - Hi.

Richard, Linda, this is Jay and Gail Perry.

We've met, actually. It was a long time ago.

How are you?

Yeah, we're fine. Thanks.

Have you been waiting long?

No, we just got here. We haven't even sat down.

How's the room? Okay?

- It's fine. - I thought so.

Gail?

I'm fine.

Okay, good.

I brought these for you.

Oh. Oh.

- I'm sorry. - No, they're...

Small.

No, they're very nice. Thank you.

Should we sit?

Yeah, let's take a seat.

Take your coat?

Well, we've... we've spoken.

Yeah, we're all sorted.

We are. Yes.

Well, I'm grateful to see you all together finally.

May I say that?

And I'm hopeful that we all think

that this was a good thing to do

by the time we leave here today.

Is that okay?

- Yes. - Thanks, Kendra.

All right, well, i'm going to leave you alone.

Let me know if you need anything.

Nice to meet you both.

- You too. - Mmm-hmm.

You wanna maybe just...

These are nice.

Thank you.

I wanted to bring something.

Uh, I tried to pick what's available

or seasonal, which isn't much.

- You made this? - Yeah. Sort of a new hobby.

Oh.

Thank you.

Sure.

I'm sorry. Just... I don't want to be rude.

But could we just, like, while we're talking,

- just put these somewhere? - Of course.

- No, no, no, I'll take it. - Okay.

- I'm so sorry. - No.

- Thank you. - Oh, sure.

You know that... okay.

How was your trip down here?

Drive. We drove. Yeah. It was fine.

Did you drive or...?

I flew in last night. I'm leaving this afternoon.

Oh, okay. Right.

Will you be driving back tonight or...?

We have a room, hotel arranged,

but we may not want to stay over.

- Head back? - Right.

So, um, look, thank you for agreeing to meet us

and together.

Oh, you're welcome.

I appreciate you, all of you, making the journey.

I know I'm not easy to get to.

We're happy to come to you, Linda.

I mean, yes, and I, uh...

We want to start by saying that

we, uh, regret some of the things that we said.

Oh, don't, don't be regretful.

We wish we didn't have to rely so much on our attorneys.

But, uh, now it's really just to protect our son.

- Steven. - Mmm.

Yeah. How's he doing?

He's doing very well. Thank you for asking.

They're in Baltimore now, not far from me.

They have a little boy on the way.

That's great.

Thank you. And how is Sophie?

- How's your daughter? - She's, uh...

- She's doing fine. - She's much better.

She's made a lot of progress the last year.

She's looking at, uh,

applying to schools now, college, for the fall.

Oh, that's wonderful.

- That's great. - Thanks.

That's great. That's great.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Um...

Did you guys bring photos or...?

Yes, yes. I...

There was some talk of maybe, uh...

It would be good to share them. I don't know.

Gail, do you wanna...?

And I also brought other things to share.

Yep. Kendra said you might do that. Sure.

Okay, good.

I don't know if this is a good time for...

Do you wanna wait till they go?

No. I'm okay.

No? Okay, so maybe we should just...

No. We agreed, so... here.

Here. This is Sophie.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Oh, she's beautiful. - Oh, she's a young lady now.

Yeah. She's grown up a lot.

Oh, oh.

Yeah.

- Oh. - And this is, uh...

I'd like to see them.

Okay.

This is Evan when he was three.

- Oh, my goodness. - What's he got there?

- He's so sweet. - It's, uh...

It's one of those, uh, roller thing...

Push that thing everywhere

and balls would bounce, would pop.

They'd pop out of it, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, right, I remember those.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you have the... His catcher picture?

Bring the catcher picture?

Yeah, we have it. We brought it.

Okay. You wanna...?

Oh. Here it is.

I think he was about 12. Little league.

Oh.

He was a good athlete, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was really good at sports.

Look at him.

I mean, he liked a lot of things.

He was, you know...

Sung in a band, model UN, a lot of stuff.

But, yeah, he was a very good athlete.

Oh.

The... it's a funny thing, but the catcher outfit...

He didn't want to play catcher.

He just liked the gear.

Oh, he liked the gear.

- Yeah. - Oh.

So, um, do we have one of all of us, or...?

Of course. Lots.

We had to print a lot of photos out.

Nobody has photographs anymore.

- Right? - Yeah.

It's nice to hold something. Not just, you know...

- It is. - This is us.

- That's... - That's the last Christmas.

Yeah, we were always... We made them all dress up.

"Cheesy," we're saying there. We're not saying cheese.

Our family never did.

They thought we were so stupid because... ridiculous.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay. - Yeah.

- No, I'm sorry. - Here.

No, don't be, Linda.

No, no, maybe we should...

- Okay. - I wanted to share too.

No, I wanted to share ours too, but...

It's hard.

It is.

Honey?

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I...

If I could just show you something?

No, we don't have to.

- No? - No, no, no, no.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea.

No, I want to.

I brought something.

Uh, it's easier. It's not photos.

But is that okay, Gail?

Sure.

Okay. Right.

So, this is...

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

He used to carry this all the time.

When? Fourth and fifth grade, right?

No, younger than that.

What am I looking at?

Well, he used to love to collect snails.

He was just fascinated by snails.

And he would collect them in this jar.

And he would carry them around with him wherever he went.

But, um, kids... Thought it was weird.

It was, a little.

He just loved them.

But there were problems with keeping them this way.

He would just get so upset, you know.

And when snails break, it's... no.

So one day, he showed up with this.

Paper snails. See?

- Yeah. - There's leaves and a flower.

And I think this is a rock.

Uh-huh.

- It's a garden for the snails. - Right.

And he said, "this way, they won't die."

I think it's so, so clever.

Yeah, that is.

I thought it... I thought it was.

And then when I had my concerns...

You did?

Oh, not...

About his sensitivity.

Yeah.

Although, really, I was happy for him to...

Find a solution.

He was always determined to find a solution.

Yeah. I was happy that he was.

Well, thank you.

Thank you

- for sharing that, Linda. - Yeah.

I just wanted to, um, show you something.

- Mmm-hmm. - The...

So, your daughter. She's doing well?

- Yeah. - She's doing well, yes.

Yeah, she's gonna be fine. Yeah.

She's a lot more sociable than she was.

Or she's, um... Actually, we miss her.

Now, she's out too much.

She's dating.

I don't know if she's actually...

She's dating.

Oh. Well, there you go. So she's, uh...

Yeah.

She's starting to be a lot more herself.

Oh. That's wonderful.

Yeah. She's made a lot of progress.

Oh. That's wonderful.

You mentioned to Linda

that you've made some progress yourself, um,

in your letters.

A therapist?

Oh, I'm sorry, I did share that.

I did share it with him.

She just mentioned.

Um, you mentioned that you found someone who's been...

Yes, she's been very helpful. That's right.

That's good.

Yeah, that's... She's... she was...

Well, she is a big reason why we're here.

Okay, so you both see her.

Well, um...

- We do. - Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

And she has encouraged us to express ourselves today,

but not to interrogate, that's important,

to be curious, and not defensive...

Not vindictive.

- She said "vindictive." - Not defensive?

No, if we are vindictive.

All right. Sorry.

It doesn't matter.

The point is that we're not here to attack you,

and we've promised that.

But we've felt everything that we've said.

Right? We're not...

We're not going to apologize for our feelings.

Thank you for your honesty.

We want to listen,

and we want to heal.

Of course.

You know, your letters

meant so much to me.

Even the hard ones, I really...

I really appreciate them.

We can tell that you've done a lot of work, continue to,

and I don't just mean what you've done publicly.

But it is admirable how you put yourselves out there.

Uh, we actually, Linda and I,

have, um, followed your work for years.

- Right. - Well, everyone's...

- Yeah, everyone's, but... - Well, thank you.

But I... I don't get any pleasure from it, you know.

It can be defeating, that kind of activism.

Yes, it can, but I don't like that word.

I'm not...

I wouldn't know what else to do with myself.

Your persistence is admirable.

Well, thank you.

But we're really not here today to talk about that.

Oh, I don't think it's not relevant.

You don't believe, as a country,

we are meeting our obligations.

Well, I didn't... that... I was quoting President Obama.

No, I don't. I think we're killing each other.

- We are. - I don't disagree.

But there are just so many factors that...

You know, it's not about one thing or the other. It...

Yeah. Sorry.

No. Go ahead.

It's just, I promised I wouldn't talk about it today.

- We don't have to. - No.

It's just... can I just say that

it's not whether it's one thing or the other.

That's the fallacy.

That's their whole distraction, or defense.

You know, "don't look over here by guns."

"Look over there by mental health,"

as if, you know, it's not possible to address both.

It's insulting.

Yes, we can. But if your child wanted to hurt himself,

would you only remove

the dangerous items from the house?

No. You'd want to help him.

You'd want to find out what was wrong

and you'd want to change that.

Hey, why are we talking about this?

What?

Why are we talking about this?

I didn't come here to listen to this.

Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to offend. - Oh.

I just think that we find,

through blame, our means to change,

and I want to question that.

I want to look at everything because I blame myself,

and I can't change that.

What do you mean?

- I can't... - When you say that,

what do you... what do you mean when you say that?

I can't change what I've done.

You... so you blame yourself?

I'm asking...

- Do you blame yourself? - Hey.

No, I want to know.

I didn't come here to talk fucking politics.

I wanna know.

We don't wanna interrogate.

I can imagine how hard it is to live with his actions.

- It is. - But our loss...

Please just tell me what you mean by that.

When you talk about blame on your part,

I want to know what you're referring to.

There is nothing that wasn't covered in the depositions.

But I want to hear it now.

We never filed against you.

We never took part in any of that.

Maybe a better way than interrogating

- is to learn what we remember. - Fine. Fine.

So... tell me what you remember.

Tell me about your son.

What would you like to know?

Everything, I want to know everything.

Why?

Why do I want to know about your son?

Because he killed mine.

How far back would you like to go?

Wherever you need.

Because I can tell you everything.

But there's so much that no one will ever know.

He was shy, always. Even as a baby.

We watched him. But I wasn't concerned.

I saw things that no one else saw.

He didn't play well with others.

Not that he was mean.

He just didn't seem to know how to.

And later, when he was older, he only wanted to be outside.

He loved the outdoors.

I know this. No, I know this.

I mean, he was shy, he loved animals.

I've read everything.

I don't know what you want me to say.

What did worry you?

You said you never worried, but what scared you?

My son never scared me as a child.

The photographs I have,

the ones we don't want to look at...

I don't need to see them. Okay?

- That's not why we... - I don't need to see him.

- Sure. Okay. - I want to know what changed.

When he was 13, he started going online.

He started that gaming profile, that account.

They weren't violent games then.

I know that, but...

They were fantasy games, like role-play.

Yeah, I know that. But it was still

the same account that he used later on.

So I'm just asking, what changed?

That's very hard to answer.

- Well, please try. - It's not just one thing.

Then tell me more than one thing.

Okay, Gail. Let's not do it like this.

- Okay? - Okay.

All right.

You're right.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah, yeah. Just...

We're not interrogating.

Then what are you doing?

I say that as compassionately as I can.

What are we doing?

You say you want to heal. We all do.

Is this how?

I think, uh, we wanna know why...

How this happened.

- Right? - Mmm.

I mean, we... we need to hear that.

We need your help with that.

I'm willing to help.

We moved.

You asked what changed. We moved.

We did, but we can't be certain

which changes affected him most.

The new school with a new environment.

It's very, very hard.

Hayden didn't have close friends,

growing up, as you probably know.

But by middle school, that mattered more,

and it affected him.

A lot of things changed at that age.

I had a new job.

Steven was applying for colleges.

So we were looking at tuition costs, private schools.

We moved.

Our older house had more space.

Outdoors, but where we moved to actually

was a much bigger home.

That's true.

But where we were had a great backyard.

The new neighborhood was very nice.

It was just more suburban.

Plots.

There wasn't the freedom he was used to.

But it was nice.

It was, Richard.

The new school was very hard for him,

seventh grade in particular. Bullying.

Yes, it was... it was very bad.

Yes. And the boys were a few years apart.

So Steven, who was really thriving in high school,

he didn't have a lot to give Hayden

at that time, unfortunately.

Sometimes I wish that the boys had been closer,

closer in age so that they could've shared friends.

We never planned or expected to have another.

I think he was lonely, uh,

and I think he missed how things were.

And that's when he began to spend

more time on the computer.

The games, you know, we thought they were creative.

We... we encouraged them at first.

He could make choices.

He could be whatever he wanted to be.

And we could hear him playing with others,

and he would laugh, which made me...

I'm very sorry.

Uh, and he was doing well in school.

I mean, yeah, which was confusing and misleading.

He always had very good grades.

- He was first... - Yeah, I know.

- I'm sorry. I... I just... - That's fine.

We had nothing to do with publishing his grades

or scores, any of that.

Yeah, well, you didn't speak out about anything.

I was only saying that...

Well, we mistakenly thought his grades were a sign

that things were okay.

- That's not all. - It is, Richard.

We thought that's what mattered.

He wasn't fitting in. It hurt.

The good grades made us

- look past some of it. - Okay.

Why didn't the school say anything?

This was middle school.

I know. But why?

The school couldn't be bothered.

He was quiet, and he was doing well.

He didn't require attention.

But there was a teacher,

a math teacher in the eighth grade...

Linda.

No.

Hayden loved him.

I don't know what the connection was,

or why it was so great.

But he made him feel confident when he didn't.

I wish I had...

When he was really struggling later on,

I tried to see if he could talk to him.

But he had left for another school. And I didn't...

I gave up looking for him. I...

- I'm sorry. - That's... that's okay.

He was teased because he had other interests.

I think it made him embarrassed

to have those other interests.

He saw being different as a deficit,

and we didn't know it or realize it

until he showed signs of depression.

He didn't strike you as being sad before?

Quiet, but no.

- Violent? - No, not then.

When we grew concerned, we got help.

When was that?

His medical records were made public.

We know the timeline. We read everything.

- We want... - But what specifically?

It was his unwillingness to do things.

When Steven left for college,

he became angry at our attention for him.

What would be wrong with that?

I think he resented our concern.

He wouldn't even let us touch him.

So that's when you got him help?

Eventually.

- He didn't want to... - He never did.

We finally forced him to see someone.

And we didn't feel we had a choice.

But he begged us to stop.

He pleaded with us to let him be normal,

or that he didn't need it anymore.

He said the sessions made him feel not...

What?

Not human.

He said that?

The therapist said he needs to stop isolating.

It's only reinforcing his negative expectations.

All this time online is not enhancing his relationships.

It's making him lonelier.

So, you just let him stop going?

For a while.

And then things would change or something would happen...

- Like the pipe bomb. - ...And we'd go through it

again. Yes. Yes.

That certainly had consequences.

Consequences.

At the time, it did. He was arrested.

There was no consequence.

I know how that sounds, but we were devastated.

And we tried everything.

Was the doctor good enough?

Would they get the prescription right?

Did they take insurance?

I mean, of course we would have paid anything,

but it was expensive.

I'm just saying, this was the reality of how it was,

how defeating,

and even with all the professional advice,

it came down to the two of us alone,

making the choices.

And we tried, over and over again.

- You can see. - It's true.

There is no new information

regarding his criminal or medical records.

You have access to everything.

Why didn't you tell the school?

This was high school.

We didn't have to.

He had just started there...

- What? - ...And...

I didn't want it to reflect badly on him.

If we thought he was dangerous...

Oh, god.

- I'm sorry. - As long as he completed

- his program, his reports... - Jesus Christ.

The program was a joke.

They made mistakes. They missed things.

We all did.

But he was lying.

What?

Did you know that?

I suspected that he was holding things back,

but I never, never could have believed...

I understand not speaking publicly

made it look like we had secrets.

I don't... i'm... It's not secrets

that I have doubts about, though.

Or facts. It's... knowing.

It's parents' intuition, hmm?

You feel it. It should hurt you.

It did.

And we got him help.

We didn't know.

And everything that happened afterwards,

the lawsuits, the media,

the hate that flooded into our lives,

never once did we feel ready or prepared for any of it.

We just did the best to survive.

So why not speak?

Because I didn't have an answer.

Why not help prevent this from happening again?

Because I don't know how.

That's why you didn't speak.

You had no answers. No idea.

Just understand that until the civil statutes ran out,

we were rarely given permission to speak.

Even our apologies had to be worded.

Linda couldn't join a mothers' support group

because they worried that

she'd put the other women at risk.

- At risk? - Of being deposed.

I didn't know that.

Well, look...

A lot of what happened in the aftermath was wrong.

We know now a lot of mistakes were made,

even from the beginning,

just institutionally, legally, everything.

But we didn't sue

and we're not gonna.

We signed all those waivers for today.

We didn't want anything.

We wanted Evan back.

Yeah, and that was impossible.

In hindsight, we would have done things differently.

The authorities would have, too. There was negligence.

That was the basis of all the settlements, but...

Where's your regret?

That's what we want to see. Right?

Where is your regret?

I regret everything.

The worst outcome imaginable happened.

Any change I might have made

could have resulted in a different outcome.

I regret everything.

How can you be so matter-of-fact?

How else can I be?

I don't know. The way you can just talk about it so...

Look, we decided against litigation.

But that doesn't mean that we don't

want to see you in pain.

We want to see you punished.

We want to see that you hurt.

- Like everyone else. - Like everyone else.

- Like you. - Yeah, like me, like us.

Like our daughter, who doesn't sleep.

Jay...

Fine.

Okay, he has this boy who makes a pipe bomb,

a pipe bomb.

And he's arrested. He was put in this program.

I was scared.

What?

We were, Richard.

We were scared.

I was scared.

You were?

I was.

He told us before he had contemplated suicide.

But it was only on that test

that he mentioned thoughts of homicide.

We were scared.

But I was trying to see the best possible outcome.

We should have done something then.

- Now... - We should have,

we should have...

Of course now, but what?

And I couldn't accept that he would throw away his future

because of a homemade bomb, Linda. Please.

Where did this interest in bombs come from?

Didn't it surprise you at all?

- Yes. - We didn't know,

anywhere. Yes. It surprised us. It shocked us.

He said he read it online.

He said he was bored.

He said it was just something to do.

"I'm not the only one."

- What? - Yes, that's what he said.

And once he'd made it, he figured he'd set it off.

He went back to the woods.

Where we used to live.

No one was around.

He wasn't trying to...

He didn't...

We hoped it was what he said it was.

Later on, when we found more plans in his room,

he said there was good money in artillery engineering,

working in the defense department.

That was his excuse.

You couldn't have believed that.

We knew nothing about it.

After everything, no.

How could you have believed that?

Because I wanted to.

He told me things.

He did.

I thought he confided in me.

But now I know that some of the things he told me were

purposefully deceitful,

to keep me away.

We really did think he was turning things around.

We had plans for the summer.

For college.

We were told that once...

I'm sorry.

...once someone decides their fate,

they do find some happiness.

They can even appear euphoric.

Those last few months, we were happy.

He checked off homicidal thoughts.

His therapist said that was normal.

Normal?

For a young man to be angry.

Why ask the question if you choose to ignore it?

Your neighbor called the police.

He called us, not the police.

About a year before.

That was a bad night.

We would try to calm him down,

minimize whatever it was that was bothering him.

I think that, in the end,

it may have only intensified his feelings.

He could be frightening.

He would get frustrated, easily.

Frustrated with things he couldn't figure out.

And that would...

- Embarrass him. - Yes.

And it was always hard for him to ask for help.

But eventually, he just...

...stopped asking entirely.

Maybe my expectations for him were too high.

I'd let it go, thinking not to bother him.

But then, I...

I'd just be letting him go.

Look, I've done my accounting.

There isn't a criticism I haven't heard

or placed upon myself.

We were not impassive, as you've said.

- What...? - Indifferent.

You didn't speak out. You said nothing.

- We released a statement. - That's bullshit.

"Thoughts and prayers." That's it?

When we asked for privacy,

we were accused of hiding something.

You didn't deserve privacy. You don't deserve privacy.

You should have said something.

What should we say?

- I'm asking you. - You...

No, I'm asking you. No.

- No, no. What would we say? - I don't know.

You said that when it happened, you weren't...

I'm asking you. What should we say?

That when it happened,

- that some part of you knew. - No.

What should we say?

That when it happened,

that some part of you wasn't surprised.

We were surprised.

We didn't know what happened.

I still don't know.

I came home from work and the phone rang.

His friend called the house to see if he was there.

I said, "aren't you both in school?"

I didn't...

He said he hadn't seen Hayden all day,

that something happened.

Something was happening.

I had no idea...

Even when I turned on the television.

I saw the school from above.

I... I...

...what he could have been talking about.

We didn't know.

His friend. This was Alex. Right?

- Yes. - Yeah. Who knew.

No. He suspected.

They were his father's guns.

He didn't know Hayden had taken them.

He thought... he thought to ask you to go look.

So he must have thought about it...

He asked because it had happened.

He was there. None of us knew yet.

"Go and look in his bedroom."

- He said... the closet. - Yes. Yes.

It was Alex.

He said he wasn't answering his phone

and that no one had seen him,

could I check?

Yes. I didn't understand what I was even looking for.

I thought he would tell me.

He just kept crying and saying, "I'm sorry."

I thought he did something.

We all did.

None of us knew that Alex's family had guns

or that Hayden had used them.

We learned all of that after.

Where were you when...?

I was working.

I have events out of order,

apparently.

Um...

A friend, a colleague, called me out of my office,

- and the television was on... - Wait, wait. Stop. Stop.

We don't wanna hear... We don't need to hear this.

We just want to know why you didn't do something,

why you couldn't say something.

I want to.

- What? - I want to hear.

What's the point? Why?

I know. I want to hear.

I called you.

Yes. But it was...

Hard for us to speak.

I tried, but I couldn't.

I could tell. So I feared the worst.

But I hadn't...

You said, "he was never here."

His room. It was...

His bed was made,

and there was this notebook on his pillow.

I'd never seen it before.

It was worn and marked.

Oh, I was so scared.

It must have been there all day, all night.

I didn't know what she had seen yet.

I was just trying to get home.

And at one point, I thought,

"why am I going home? I need to get to the school."

And then I got a call from my sister.

She kept telling me to pull over,

and I said I will not.

I would not stop driving, and then

we were both crying.

So I just...

I don't remember.

I pulled on to our street,

and I guess that's where I wanted to go, and...

- But I was too late. - Hmm.

Hundreds of them, all in black.

So sudden, and helicopters...

Couldn't get near our driveway,

so I just left the car.

I still don't know who moved it back.

Yeah.

They kept us apart.

They made me wait outside while they searched the house.

They kept me in the backyard.

I kept saying it was a mistake. It was...

There was a young policeman watching me

to make sure I didn't,

I learned this after, hurt myself.

Finally, I said, "is my son dead?"

And he said,

not unkindly,

"yes."

"But that's all I can tell you."

As if...

It was wrong what they did, keeping us apart.

It was wrong.

It was, Richard.

Yeah, they didn't have to.

I kept asking, demanding, to see my wife.

I begged, Linda.

It's not our fault, Richard.

It was wrong.

It was.

There were many times I wished he had killed me too.

But he loved us.

He told us.

He said he was sorry for what he would put us through.

In his notebook.

Yeah.

He destroyed your lives.

All of our lives.

He did. But the love we had,

it was real!

And the truth is, we believed we were good parents.

And in some awful, confusing way, we still do.

Isn't it worse that I thought I was a good mother?

I love my children.

Other parents... I wasn't so different.

How did I do things so differently?

That makes it...

It's very hard to trust anything anymore.

I raised a murderer.

And sometimes I...

I don't know if I'm still grieving

or if I ever really have.

The service was in secret.

No local church would memorialize him.

Richard had to beg to Bury his son.

And when we finally found a place, I was so ashamed.

Their kindness...

You're supposed to tell stories. We hid.

Many friends, our friends, didn't know what to say.

- They didn't come. - No.

We had our closest relatives with us, good friends.

I remember looking at the clock.

We were so overwhelmed with blame.

Our financial situation was impossible.

Grief felt like something out of reach.

I didn't stop him because I didn't know.

And I didn't say anything

because I didn't know what to say.

And I'm sorry.

I never thought I had enough good to say.

I want answers. I do.

I have to reconcile his actions

with the child I loved and raised.

But maybe there are none.

And maybe we're the last people to ask.

"We know the hate."

Joy Murphy's parents used to say that.

Remember their church?

"We need not know why the hate for we know the hate,"

or some stupid thing.

Are these for us?

I'm sure it's all right.

Does anybody want one?

- No, thank you. - I can't breathe in this room.

Ah.

That whole church movement thing afterwards

made me so angry.

What? The devil?

Really?

Meaningless.

Trust the catholic church to come up

with the most bankrupt response.

Sorry.

This is an episcopal church.

Okay, I don't know. I'm...

I'm Christian. I'm not religious.

Ah.

They recycle here or...?

Just leave it.

Huh!

At least they found acceptance first.

Yeah. At least they understood it for...

I don't know.

But for the rest of us who need reason,

we need to look at what he was.

We knew he was troubled, just not how capable.

I believe you. You didn't...

I'm asking because

a psychiatrist told us afterwards

that he wouldn't have shared his problems.

That he probably couldn't. That...

We thought he might with his friends.

We asked him to.

He finally started making friends again, in high school.

He found a good group.

A good group?

Alex, who showed him where his family's guns were?

Hayden stole those guns.

His friends had nothing to do with it.

That group that went to the gun ranges,

that sat up all day and night playing call of duty.

It's a video game. They're simulations.

And how many visits to the gun range?

- Only two. - No, that we know of.

And any... you don't need to go anymore

with these games now.

If you'd allow me to finish addressing your point,

I'm just saying that by the end of his life,

whatever was going on inside, he seemed popular,

- for him, in his circle. - Fine. Sure.

Okay, but I'm talking about something different.

And I'm just saying

that we couldn't know how isolated he was

because he was popular.

Or not... that's not the right word, I know.

But we couldn't know the level of intimacy in his social life

from where he had been.

We were just happy for him to have a social life.

Okay. That isolation...

But he was bullied in high school.

Not by his friends.

But still.

They all told the police

how often he talked about killing certain students.

They said they all talked like that.

His group of friends experienced a lot of bullying.

Well, that's fine. I don't care.

Sorry. If I could just get this out.

That isolation, that...

Even with friends, that detachment,

sometimes indicative of a lack of feeling, of empathy.

Now add to that thousands of hours online

and no real human contact.

I'm just... this is how the psychiatrist explained it.

We understand the psychology.

Okay, then, maybe you know about the studies

using fmri, brain scans,

where they say they can see a response,

or lack of response, in the brain.

There's actually less connections,

less matter in the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala.

- Jay, Jay... - No, please, wait.

I'm just...

Have you heard of mirror neurons?

Jesus, Jay, we're not qualified.

I'm not an expert, okay, but I'm trying... I think...

This could be helpful.

I don't know, the basic idea.

If we could have seen,

we could have been able to predict something.

You know, the doctors,

with these tests, what they can show...

I know.

They show certain pictures or words

that should generate a response,

an emotion or a feeling,

but they don't.

Exactly. And people diagnosed with psychopathy...

My son was empathetic.

He felt a great deal.

Well, maybe he was.

Maybe you didn't know what he was feeling.

Maybe he was hiding things.

My son was not a psychopath.

He was in terrible pain.

Maybe not treatable, right?

Because did anything ever work?

I mean, how many medication? Drugs?

I mean, if it's in the structure of the brain,

you know, then it's not just pathological, it's physical.

I understand what you want to say.

So that it's not high school,

middle school, moving, whatever.

It's him.

Do you remember Evan as a baby?

I feel Hayden as my baby every day.

His helplessness.

His crying, then his smile.

I don't believe in what you're saying.

Linda, something must have happened.

- There was no abuse. - Not just abuse.

Neglect? We were there whenever we could be.

And sometimes, you can't be. I know that.

But we have to correct their course

when we do have them.

So we failed.

I know that.

And I did everything to try to correct it.

And I'd give anything if I could be there with him.

You were there.

If I could have known.

But maybe nobody could have broken through.

Maybe he wasn't capable...

No!

Bipolar disorder, depression, mania, adhd,

possible schizoaffective disorder.

None of that is psychopathy.

You don't know what you're talking about.

If you take the medical records

with the criminal report,

which, now finally we have the full report,

don't you have to weigh the evidence,

the facts of what he did,

against your personal relationship history with him?

He became those things.

He wasn't always those things.

Well, you can trace how far back

to when he started planning it.

We can trace his footsteps, for Christ's sake.

I don't think the timeline

definitively proves anything

about his mental state.

How can you say that?

We're not denying what he did or who he became.

Well, I can't help but hear you blame

a not abnormal child.

He was my son.

I can't remove my feelings

from our history or his records.

I'm not asking you to.

I'm saying that what he did, his capacity for murder,

was probably potentially there a long time

before anyone could have known.

You think you can attach one word to something

in order to understand it?

To make you feel safe?

Well, I won't say it.

I don't believe it.

It's not simple.

It's everything you cannot see.

And it left him helpless. He was helpless.

But it's our job to help.

That's our job. And at some point,

it doesn't matter whether or not you see the signs.

We still... it's still our obligation.

I said I failed.

Maybe you didn't know who you were dealing with.

Look, the report speaks for itself.

He was gone by then. He was.

I mean, the deliberate choices.

- He did not target. - What?

- What...? - What are you ta... what?

What difference does that make?

He would have said so.

What? Well, how is that better?

What? What do you mean, he did not target?

He never met any of them.

Jesus Christ. Oh, it was his school.

His students.

He'd never been in that classroom.

He wanted to kill them.

Those students, they weren't in his grade.

- Evan... - Don't. No, no, don't.

- I'm just saying... - Just don't.

- I'm just saying. - Well, don't.

- Okay. - He didn't know them.

- He wanted them to suffer. - Oh, Jay.

- But not... - What?

Intentionally? Is that what you were gonna say?

He didn't seek to make any one individual suffer.

Well, my son suffered.

Evan suffered so much, and he let him.

I'm sorry. Both of you.

- No... - I know what happened.

- Wait. - No, you don't.

He did the most awful thing I've ever known,

but I know the report.

No! You do not know how my son died!

God.

He entered Evan's classroom at 1:29 P.M.

He threw a bomb into the center of the desks.

He started shooting.

He stayed there for half a minute.

He could have killed them all.

He chose not to. He watched them.

They saw his face. They saw him looking.

He knew Evan was alive.

He knew exactly who was alive and who was dead when he left.

We could never see into that classroom.

No, he suffered.

Six minutes.

Six minutes later, he comes back,

your son, he retraces his steps.

He's in the hallway again.

1:35, he's come back to finish.

And Evan is there.

The last gunshot, 1:36,

goes into my son's...

Neck.

Into his artery.

- Jay... - No. Six minutes.

He was alive. He was trying to get out.

The blood trails show where he was trying to...

Jay, please stop. Jay: No!

He came back. He was methodical.

He was looking.

And Evan...

...was still alive.

I know.

You do not know.

I know!

I know.

The streaks on the floor.

The way he was crawling.

I know the wounds,

in what order.

How he fought.

And how he died.

Nah.

He died.

Now, please stop.

Please stop.

Caroline, Jonathan, and Tory were killed instantly

in the blast.

Daniel, shot three times,

twice in the lungs, once in the heart.

He died seated at his desk.

Juliana, shot twice in the leg, once in the knee,

once in the thigh,

the femoral artery.

What are you doing?

She lost her vision from the glass in her eyes.

She tried to crawl out of the classroom.

But she died before finding the way.

Okay.

Vanessa, shot four times,

twice in the abdomen, twice in the head.

We understand you know.

The victims, and the wounded.

I'm sorry.

But I do know.

All of them.

I know Evan, his story that day.

And I know Hayden's.

He did go back.

He was going to the library, where he wanted to die.

He told us, wrote to us in his notebook.

"That's where you'll find me. Where it's quiet for me."

Where, respectfully,

the last shot was at 1:41.

In the library.

People saw. Kids saw.

- Christopher... - Shot in the head.

I know.

My son.

Shot in the face,

hiding underneath the table, begging for his life.

That is what they said.

That's... that's not feeling.

- That is hate. - That's...

Disturbed? Hate? Rage?

- Hopelessness? - No, no, no.

Apathy, indifference.

- Cold, callous. - Evil?

Do you want to say?

Because I...

I won't.

I won't.

It doesn't matter.

We went to the school. Did you know that?

It was supposed to be for the victims' families,

and Hayden wouldn't be counted as a victim.

So we fought for that.

And we saw, we saw the damage.

The windows, the black stains.

We saw his hate.

- The lines. - What he did. What?

The lines or tape.

The outlines of the children.

- Mr. Moore. - Hmm.

The bodies. Yeah.

I was...

I didn't know you were allowed in.

Well, they kept that secret. They didn't want...

More outrage.

The world mourned 10.

We mourned 11.

There would be no memorials for 11.

No concerts reading 11 names, and I understood that,

but I would not be excluded from that too.

The damage, though...

How much...

He was in pain.

It was the pain that brought him there.

I didn't want another child.

But...

Once he was born...

I loved Hayden so much.

But maybe...

Maybe he should never have been born.

No.

We should never have gone to the school.

I just remember this terrible feeling of awe,

just awe at what my boy had done.

And then a long, skinny frame outlined in the carpet.

All alone.

I knew it was him.

Not because of where it was or...

I just knew it was him.

I recognized Evan too.

Not because of the lines.

The number.

The number markers for the report.

Yeah.

He was number one.

I guess he was the first they found.

He was...

He was my...

That was hard.

It was.

But you know, and please forgive me,

it made me feel like the rest of you.

Some parent said,

I can't remember who,

said early on in a mean way, meant to be mean,

that you were the loneliest people in the world.

As if that was justice. As if...

Well, we were.

I still get mail.

Some hateful, some sympathetic.

Mostly just strange.

I can't say I understand the purpose of it,

but it only reminded me of what he had done.

And I was trying to restore my memory of... of who he was.

And that's what I have to do.

Do you understand?

You said he destroyed our lives.

Yes, he did.

And while I know the world

would have been better without him,

I can't say I would have been.

Oh, god.

I'm sorry. I know that's...

- No. - I shouldn't have said that.

It's just... it's just...

I thought I had to believe

that my son's life had no value

because of what he did before he died,

but I don't have to believe that, do I?

Or is that hard for you to hear?

I guess.

Yes, it is.

But I won't tell you how to keep your son.

No. I...

No, I don't know. I...

Yes, it is hard.

But, no, I think...

I think that's right. I...

God, I don't... I don't know.

That's okay.

I wouldn't ever expect you to feel that way.

No, no, that's not it. That's not it.

Not... not your son.

Not

him.

It's...

Value.

It's all of their values.

See, I...

I made a promise. I made a promise to him.

That I can't keep...

- Hey, honey. - No, it... please.

What did you promise him?

I promised him that his life would mean something,

that it wouldn't be in vain.

That because of him, all of them,

things would change, you know?

But nothing's changed. Nothing.

The only difference is that they're gone.

And that's all I hear. Still. All those parents.

The last of us in that firehouse,

the loneliest people in the world, asking,

"what do you mean, they're gone?"

"Gone where?"

"Where have they gone?"

So... you talk about value, their lives having value,

and that's all I want.

I just want it to mean something. I just...

I just... I want it to change.

Why does it have to change?

What?

Can you tell me a story about Evan?

What?

Please? Can you tell me a story about him?

Now?

Yeah.

Jay... I don't know. There's so many.

Doesn't matter. Just don't think about it.

- Just tell me one. - Jay...

- No, come, come... - It's okay. It's okay, honey.

- Go on. - No, come here.

- Come, come here. - Okay.

- Come. - Okay, okay.

- Oh, Jesus. - I got you.

Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I see, um...

Oh... let me think.

Oh.

He's 12 years old, I think.

He's 12 years old.

Um...

Sixth grade?

I don't know. He's young, and...

It's fall. He's...

He's playing football with his friends in the park,

near our house. It's...

He used to play in the park near our house. It's, um...

On sundays, you know.

Just a few blocks from our home.

But we had a dinner to go to.

Jay's parents were visiting.

So I said to him, "do not get too dirty,"

"because we've got to leave the house by 5:00."

And he said, "mom,"

"the dirtier you are, the better you are."

"That's how you spot"

"the best players on the team."

"They're the ones with the grass"

"and the stains on their jerseys."

And I said...

I...

He was so funny.

I said, "but shouldn't the good players not be tackled"

"and fall on the ground so much?"

"No, mom, the dirtier you are, the better you are."

"Okay."

You know, he was like that about everything,

such strong opinions,

even if he didn't know anything

about what he was talking about.

Thank you.

So...

So it's 5:00, or it's about to be.

It's almost 5:00, and he's still not back,

and I'm about to just go down there and grab him,

and drag him back,

when Sophie comes in the door.

She followed Evan everywhere back then.

She loved watching the boys playing, goof around.

So she burst in and she says,

"mom, oh, my gosh. Mom. Look at Evan."

So I come around the corner, and I see him,

and he is covered, head to toe, in mud.

- It was absurd. - It was.

It was like he covered himself, like a mud bath.

It just didn't really even make sense even,

and I was... I lost it.

"Evan. What have you done?"

He was completely unfazed.

Yeah. Right?

He played it cool.

"Mom, I told you, the best players are the dirtiest."

He was...

You know?

I was so mad.

But then I was laughing.

And holding him,

and the dirt,

the grass.

That smell of him.

Wet leaves.

The child on him.

I could feel so much life.

We let him go to dinner that way.

- He washed his face. - Well, yeah. But...

He was so proud.

That's what his life meant.

Let him rest.

Evan doesn't have to change the world.

But I still miss him.

Do you remember what you wrote to me?

Oh, god.

I wrote you way too much.

You wrote to me,

"I want you to know my son."

"I want you to know his name."

Yeah.

Do you have a story?

Oh, god.

I, uh...

All of them.

I...

Let's just preserve them. Okay?

Jay.

Yeah?

I think I need to...

What?

I think I'm ready.

Okay.

I need to tell you...

I wanted so, so badly

for you to be an example or punished.

I came here wanting that.

But something's died in all of us, all of us.

And I'm so scared that what I wanted,

what I need, isn't what I thought.

What did you think?

That if I forgave you, I'd lose him.

Oh. No.

Yes.

But maybe I just needed to be with you.

Because I know now. I...

I forgive you.

I do.

I have. I forgive you.

And I have to tell you...

I have to tell you...

I also forgive Hayden

for what he did, for taking my baby's life.

Because I know, in my heart, he was lost.

So I do... I forgive him.

Because I can't live this way anymore.

- Sweetheart. - No, I can't. We can't.

- Okay. - We don't sleep.

We don't breathe.

We don't see each other anymore,

and I want to. I want to.

- Okay? - Yeah.

Because I can't hold on to this any longer.

I can't. It's not him. It's not.

It's just this terrible pain

for wishing for a different past,

and I can't let it control my life anymore,

because if I do, I'm afraid I'll never see him again.

And I need to.

I know that I will. I know I'll see him.

I know I'll hold him against me, if I could just forgive.

If I can love again.

So I do.

I do.

Maybe this is right.

This moment of silence.

Maybe this is the right way to say goodbye.

Yeah.

I like that.

Do you want to...?

Maybe we could do a little, uh...?

Yeah.

Mmm.

Well...

I hope we were able to help.

Thanks.

I mean, is... is that it?

I think so. I'm exhausted.

Well, I guess, uh... you know...

We can always speak again.

- Sure. - Right?

Of course.

Thank you so much for bringing your pictures.

Oh, no, of course. Thank you.

Thank you for the flowers.

You're welcome.

Will they be able to travel? The flowers?

I don't want you to have to...

Oh, no. We'll manage.

Yeah, sure.

Well...

Uh, maybe Kendra can get you a box or something.

I don't want you to have to...

I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that.

No, no. It's... we could just carry them, right?

Yeah. Or just the woman that works here,

she may be able to find something.

Oh. I don't think I've met her.

- Let me go see. - Ah.

I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry.

- Silly of me. - It's fine.

Does anybody want...

You want a water bottle for the road?

Oh, thank you. I'm all set.

They have coffee.

You want a coffee?

- Nah. - All right. Okay.

I think I'll just see if I can give him a hand.

Sure.

Okay.

I will see you out front then.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Hi, Linda.

Hello.

Hmm.

I'll be right back. I've got the flowers.

- And then... - Mmm-hmm.

- Should we, uh...? - Yeah.

I'll be right there.

Do you have newspaper?

Yeah, please don't go to any trouble.

I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that.

They brought the new hymnal books in a box.

Oh, yes, that's a great idea.

- Thank you. - Oh, of course.

I'm going to go check downstairs

to see if there's something else.

- Thank you, guys. - Okay.

- Well... - I guess we're waiting for,

- uh... - Yeah.

Um, well, thank you both for today,

and Kendra, of course.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

If you don't mind, I should go.

Oh, sure, you know...

Linda, I should really get back.

Okay.

I can walk back without you if you...

No, no, no, I can...

- I can go with you. - All right. Okay.

We walked here together earlier.

It was, um...

Please take good care of yourselves.

- Thank you. - And you, Richard.

- We're gonna stay, right? - Yeah.

We're always here. I mean...

Just stay in touch.

Good.

It's nice to see you again.

Take care.

Uh, it's easier if you guys

would come down here, maybe, with the flowers?

Yeah, sure. Good idea.

I think that this might be the right one.

If we just put a little bit of newspaper in it.

Fine. Sure. Don't trouble yourself.

Okay.

Um. Hi.

Oh, did they... did they leave?

Yeah, they left, but thank you.

Oh.

They're a gift, they're ours, so...

I was just hoping to say goodbye, is all.

I didn't even introduce myself to them.

- It's okay. - Don't worry about it.

- I'm sure it's fine. - Yeah... no, I should have.

That's... that's fine.

Thanks so much for giving us the space and for having us.

- It's really very... - It's healing here.

It really is. It's safe here.

Wherever you come from.

So, I think we can put it in here

if we just put a little bit of newspaper.

- Judy? - Yeah?

Pardon me. Uh,

they're bringing the rest of the books to St. Thomas.

- So they need the boxes. - Oh, okay. Okay.

Honestly...

But can't we just use newspaper in here?

I would use bubble wrap.

- I don't think... - I really...

I don't want you to bother.

No, I can pack it. It's easy.

Just use a little bit of newspaper in it.

Well, how much newspaper do you have?

You know what? I'm just gonna hold on to them.

- I want to. Yeah. - Are you sure?

I am. I think it'll be nice.

- Okay. I'm sorry. - Well...

So, it was very nice to meet you both.

- Oh. - Um,

thank you for everything and...

I have a story I want to tell you.

Oh, okay.

I want to hear it.

He was 16.

He'd had such a bad week.

I felt so badly for him.

How cruel kids could be.

But I couldn't just let him fall apart.

No.

We were alone.

Richard was working late.

I made dinner, but he wouldn't eat.

I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk.

I went to his room. He was on the computer.

I yelled at him, "you have to start working."

"If you can't be happy, at least you can do well."

He screamed at me, "i don't want to be happy."

"I don't want to do well."

"Why?" I yelled.

"Why?"

Then we were screaming at each other.

We were both... so hurt.

And we were afraid.

I know that.

It happened very quickly.

But then he said, "get out before I hit you."

"Get out before I beat the shit out of you."

I swear to god...

He was... terrifying.

I went to my room...

And I locked the door.

Gail...

I wish I had let him.

I wish I had said, "okay, hit me."

"You hit me, sweetheart."

"Hit me for as long as you'll ever need."

Because then I would have known him.

I would have known who he really was.

It's okay.

Mine's a...

Mine's a...

Different kind of story but...

No.

We miss them.

- I wanted to tell a story too. - I know.

I'm sorry I didn't ask.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We should...

Should we, uh...?

I thought we'd let them go.

That's a good idea.

What is that?

Sorry.

Is that coming from...?

Yeah, they're, um, practicing

for the choir tomorrow.

I... I forgot.

Did we tell them?

I told you this morning they were rehearsing today.

Did you?

I'm sorry.

Don't be. It's... it's nice.

Yeah, they're, um, rehearsing for tomorrow.

Hear that?

They're singing.

Do you want to go up and see?

Blessed be the tie that binds

our hearts in Christian love

the fellowship

of kindred minds

no. That's all right.

Is like that to that above

before our father's throne

we pour our ardent prayers

our fears, our hopes

our aims are one

our comforts

and our cares

when we asunder part

it gives us inward pain

but we shall still be joined

in heart

and hope to meet again