Original subtitles

♪ calming, atmospheric music playing ♪

INSTRUCTOR: Deep breath in.

Hold and exhale.

[exhales]

[over computer] Good job, mama bear.

Sitting up nice and tall.

Take a moment

to feel your precious baby inside you.

Right now, baby is the size of an eggplant.

And now's the time

to enjoy deep intimacy with our partner

to find calm in the healing silence.

♪

[construction noise]

WORKER: Hey, Carlos! Finish this cut for me!

I gotta take a dump, like, now! [dog barking]

No, it's fine. I'll use John's can. He don't mind.

[retches]

[groans]

[construction noise, chatter] [dog barking]

[grinding] [hammering]

- John?

- Can you hold this?

[nail gun pops]

You pregnant?

- John! [grinding stops]

JOHN: Hey!

- This feels like a lot for someone who said they were just gonna build a crib!

[muffled, indistinct chatter] [construction noise continues]

I don't know what you're saying! I-I puked on the floor!

[muffled speech]

I'm gonna take a shower! - Not in that bathroom you're not.

[construction noise continues]

LAVAR: I just saw you six days ago!

You know I'm not givin' you a refill without a prescription.

- Those pills fell outta my pocket, and a, a raccoon snatched 'em.

- That sounds cute,

but no means no, Mr. Pederson! [sighs]

Every day, you comin' in here with this!

Jennifer, what's up? How can I help you? - Okay, listen to this birthday card.

[inhales]

"Age gets better with wine."

[laughing] Get it?

Oh, come on! The phrase is "Wine gets better with age,"

and then they just flipped it. [laughs] It's--

- Yeah, that sounds stupid, Jen.

And it's not really that funny. - Hm.

- Listen.

I don't normally get involved,

but I care about you.

And I know someone that can help you get off the pain meds.

- I don't need that. [scoffs]

Thank you.

- Douyon, you ready?!

- Hello!

- I'm pickin' up my little blue pill.

- [gasps] Oh, how exciting. - If ya know what I mean.

- Everybody knows what you mean!

- Viagra. [laughing] Yeah! - That is very exciting! [laughs]

[laughter dies down]

- Could you take a look at these bumps on my taint?

- Does this look like the emergency room? What the--

Cleo! - Cleo!

- Please come take a look at this man's grundle.

- His taint, Cleo!

Excuse me, may I approach you now?

- Shit! Oh, fuck! Motherfucker!

- I'm sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. - No, no, not you, fool.

I think I gave Douyon the wrong meds!

I might've just put a man in the hospital!

♪ S.O.B. by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats playing ♪

♪ harmonic humming ♪

♪ I'm gonna need someone to help me ♪ Douyon! Mr. Douyon!

♪ I'm gonna need somebody's hand ♪ Douyon!

- Douyon! - Shut up, Mr. Pederson!

♪ Need someone to hold me down ♪

What the hell are you doin'? MR. PEDERSON: I'm gettin' in!

LAVAR: Why the hell are you gettin' in the car?!

MR. PEDERSON: I'm goin' with you!

LAVAR: Why the hell are you comin' with me?!

I gotta get Douyon before he dies!

MR. PEDERSON: He's gettin' away! LAVAR: Damn!

MR. PEDERSON: Gun it! Gun it!

[construction noise]

[phone vibrates] [fly buzzing]

- It's all over. - Life is done.

It's a bottomless pit, girl.

- Life is garbage. Everyone knows it. What's up?

- Ya know, I'm really feelin' a lotta feelin's.

I feel like I need to hit some things. BETH [over phone]: Me too.

John has turned our home into ground zero.

- Some white bitch asked me to massage her aura.

BETH: Oh, God.

I feel like I ate a 30-pound turkey, and I can't shit it out.

I feel like I haven't shit since I've been pregnant.

It's all just in there, becoming a baby.

- Yeah, and everybody's congratulatin' you for it, right?

BETH: And John said "we're pregnant" to someone.

I'm like, are we? MAYA: We? Is he French?

Okay, John, is your pussy draggin' on the floor?

- Thank you. MAYA: But I'ma tell you somethin', girl.

Don't let your marriage slide now. Are you havin' sex?

- Ew. No. Of course not. That's disgusting.

MAYA: It's healthy for a woman to have sex durin' her pregnancy.

Plus, pregnancy is when most men cheat.

Alright? Tom Brady. Adam Levine.

Stephen Hawkings.

- Okay, I get it. MAYA: Do ya get it?

'Cause Stephen Hawkings cheated.

Should I go on? - I'll have sex with my husband.

Thank you. MAYA: You gotta get in there.

Just try not to have the baby on his dick.

[construction noise]

♪

[street noise]

- There's my sex pot!

What?

- I-I almost didn't recognize you.

- I-I know, I'm not as hot without my cop uniform on. Sorry.

- No. Oh, oh, it's not that. You're-- [cars honking]

[sighs]

You're wonderful just the way you are.

- Oh. You're... you're breaking up with me?

Did your boyfriend propose or something? - No, I, uh,

I haven't been totally upfront with you, Beau. I actually, um,

I have a husband

and children. - Oh.

Shit. - Yeah, and I've just been, like,

thinking, like, what's, ya know, like, what's the end game here?

Like, realistically, like, uh, um, like, our future.

- Our what?

- Like, what would we do if I got

pregnant or something?

- Um, that would suck ass. [laughs]

- Yeah.

- I flew here. I-I feel like this could've been a-- like, a Snap or something.

- I didn't think I'd be doing this right now. I'm-I'm really sorry.

- Hey, do you know how far we are from the Ghostbusters firehouse?

- Okay. I, um, I'm gonna go.

But you take care of yourself, and, uh,

don't ask me to go to your hotel to just do it one more time.

- It's your call... ma'am.

- Ooh, yeah. It doesn't really feel the same.

- Yeah, it didn't. I could, I could feel that, too.

Well, it was worth a shot. - Okay. Well,

keep your headphones off when you cross the street, okay?

People are crazy drivers.

- Okay. Weird, weird advice.

- Bye, Beau. [street noise continues]

♪ melancholy opera music playing ♪

- I've written Jen, like, so many notes this week,

and she hasn't even written me one back.

[hushed class chatter]

Oh. You like Caleb.

- He's cute.

- You should tell him you had a dream about him.

That makes guys think that you're sexy.

Tell him you had a dream you were having sex

in the shower.

- I've never had sex before. - I know. It's so sad.

But guys love showering with girls. My sister told me.

- Beth and Jessica, less talking, more make art-ing.

- Sorry.

ANDY: [mimics sneeze] A-Jew! [sniffles]

[class snickers]

- Oh! Now's your chance. He's getting up.

[whispers] Now, now, now. Go, go. - [sighs] Okay. [sighs]

- You're so sexy. - Thank you.

[clears throat]

Hey, Caleb.

- Hey.

- It's so weird.

I had a dream last night

that we were making out in my shower.

- Really? - Yeah.

It was so weird.

- Eh, uh, th-then what happened?

- Well, we were, like, making out and stuff in my shower.

- Hm.

Hm, and then what?

- And then my teeth fell out.

- What?

♪

- Talk to you later! [laughs]

- [whispers] So good.

[sizzling]

- I'm sorry we haven't been having sex lately.

[sizzling] - What?

- I just haven't been feeling sexy.

- I mean, you're so pregnant.

I totally get it. It's not a big deal.

- Yeah, but I-I want to. I do. I--

- Whatever you're feeling is completely fine.

- I really wanna feel connected to you.

- Me too. - So, should we

just... do it?

Like, in the shower?

- Shower sex? Now? - Yeah.

- Okay. - Okay.

- But wait, don't you want some eggplant?

- No. - Alright.

[puts down plate]

♪ classical opera music playing ♪

Ready? - Yeah.

- Let's get some H2O. [squeaking]

- Cold! That's really cold. - Yeah, I know, I know. One sec, one sec.

You gotta gimme one second. Hang on. - Okay. Okay. Just--

Oh, that's hot! That's too hot! Please! - Is that getting-- Okay. Sorry. Sorry.

- Go back. Go--

Just go back to where it was. - Really?

- Yeah. - The valve is so touchy.

- I know. Y-- I-I know. - You have to get it within, like,

a millimeter for it-- - Yeah, I know. Yeah.

- I can fix it. - [sighs] Yeah.

- All you need is a pair of pliers. - I-I know. No! No! I-- This is perfect.

- Not now. I mean, I just-- Yeah. - No, this is perfect. Okay?

- Yeah. ♪ operatic singing ♪

Sorry. [feet squeaking]

- I feel like, like maybe if I face the other way.

- Okay. - Ya know?

That might be more, like, realistic. - Yeah, I think that's wise.

Okay. - If I was kinda, like--

- Okay, but then we would have to kind of--

- What are you-- Okay. - I just don't want you to slip.

- No, I'm not! - Lemme, lemme--

- Here, I'll just go down. Okay? - Okay?

Are you okay? - Is that happening?

- Seems like you're getting water

in your face, though. - Was that working?

[sighs]

- I don't want you to not be able to breathe.

- Yeah, do you, do you wanna just, like, go eat pita chips

and watch Vanderpump? - Yeah, if it's,

if it's not, ya know?

It's fine. I don't wanna force anything. [faucet squeaks, water drips]

- Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like shower sex--

- I know. - It's just never a good idea, right?

- It's good in theory. [Beth sighs]

Just don't wanna do anything dangerous.

- Yeah. - Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm good. Why? - Good. Me too.

- Yeah. No, we'll try something else soon.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Like, try something new.

I get it.

♪ Why Don't You Go Home by Diane Ward & The Kevin Fingier Collective playing ♪

[Mr. Pederson grunting] [ringing doorbell]

BOTH: Douyon! Douyon! Douyon! Douyon!

- Fuck! Ah! [ringing doorbell]

Why the hell did I let you come, Pederson?!

- I'm your sidekick! - No, you're not!

♪

♪ Why don't you go home? ♪ [doorbell rings]

♪ I can't stand it this way ♪

- LaVar, what's up?

- I'm fucked in the ass, that's what's up.

- What? - Excuse me, young king.

I'm fucked in the butt. I gave Douyon the wrong medication.

- Oh, for real? - Yeah, we can't find him anywhere.

- Would you shut the hell up, Pederson?

- Who's he? - Mike Pederson, LaVar's sidepiece.

- Sidekick. And, and no.

W-Would you get back in the damn car?!

Listen, I haven't seen him anywhere.

And him and your Grandpa Don, they used to be friends.

Would you know where he'd be at?

- I'm sure he is fine. Plus, if you get fired, who cares?

You don't like that job anyway, right? - LaVar? LaVar!

Hey, y-you want some latkes?

- I do! SHLOMO: Oh, sure.

Yeah, hi. Shlomo.

- Baby, thank you. Look, [sighs] LaVar, it's gonna be fine.

Everybody's allowed to make a mistake.

- White people are allowed to make mistakes.

Mr. Pederson here is an opioid addict.

I'm sure he's been given 25 chances.

- Oh, shit, you're right. You better find that man.

Lemme think.

Him and Grandpa Don used to go to some real weird places

tryna pick up women.

- Grandpa Don?

- Go do your homework.

- That's disgustin'. Where at?

♪ Why don't you go home? ♪

- Douyon! - Douyon!

♪ Why don't you go home? ♪

- Douyon! - Douyon!

♪ Why don't you go home? ♪

- Douyon!

♪ You need to stay away ♪

♪ I don't want you ♪

[yells] Douyon!

♪ No more ♪

♪ song ends ♪

[school chatter] [bell ringing]

♪ pensive music playing ♪

[nervous sigh]

♪ music builds, stops ♪

[TV chatter]

[knocking at door]

- Yeah? JOHN: Somebody

call for a carpenter to try something new?

- Oh... Yeah.

Yeah.

[turns off TV] That would be me. I'm, I'm Linda.

I live here all alone at the beach.

When I'm not at church.

- That sounds like a fun life.

I'm...

John.

I'm 5'9", weigh 149 pounds.

Brown hair, brown eyes.

I live around this neighborhood.

What kinda work do you need done? - Ooh, [sighs] I don't know.

Just, I guess, a lotta work on my

downstairs? - Stairs can be complicated.

Ya have to make sure they're up to code.

[drops tool] And what you don't want

is to have one stair be a certain height

and the next one at a totally different height.

- Mm-hm. - But don't worry.

I'm fully licensed and insured.

I'm gonna take some measurements around here.

Then, I'll be outta your hair for today.

I'll pop back to my office

and have my assistant draft up an estimate for you

and we're gonna shoot that over to your email.

- Okay, do you wanna just come over here?

- Yeah.

- John, was it? - John.

[drops object]

[belt rattling]

No last name.

- Oh! [drops belt]

I'm Linda L-Linda.

- Linda Linda?

- Mm-hm. Here. - I love that.

Is that okay? - Yeah.

- Is your neck okay? - Yeah.

♪ unsettling music playing ♪

LEONARD [muffled]: Go ahead and take it! [referee whistling]

- I'm sorry. - Yeah.

- Uh, maybe.

- Maybe if we take this around. - Is there a way you could go up?

And I-- - Yeah. Of course.

- Wait, actually no. - Oh, there's a way.

- No, no, that's-- That doesn't--

[banging] [gasps]

I think-- - Yeah, just be comfortable.

- Yeah. Yeah. - I want you to be comfortable.

I think my arm can go in here. - Yeah, if you're under there.

And I kind of-- - Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay. Okay.

♪

I'm sorry. [sighs]

I-I-I-I think...

I think no.

- No sex?

- Um, no. I'm sorry.

- No, it's fine. I just-- It's--

I don't know. It's fine.

But you just seem annoyed with me all the time lately.

- I'm not annoyed with you.

- Well, I don't really believe you.

- Where's my phone?

I just had it.

I-I just-- I'm not annoyed with you.

I'm just a little frustrated with this situation.

- What situation?

- This situation.

The-- [sighs] Come on. Are you serious?

Our house is a construction site.

There's random dudes taking shits in our bathroom,

and-and I'm just-- I'm exceptionally pregnant right now,

so it-it's just, it's a lot.

- Okay, well, it's almost done. - I know.

It'll be finished soon. I-I know. It's, it's fine.

- Just feel like you hate me. - God, I don't hate you.

I never said that. Where the fuck is it?

I know it's here. - If you're mad at me,

I think we should discuss it. - Can you call my phone?

- Why do you need your phone right now? We're talking!

Why do you need your phone? - Because I want it!

I want it! I need it!

I-I'm allowed to want my phone! It's-- I-I-I need it.

- I know you're just thinking things, and you're getting mad at me,

and you feel like I'm failing you, and you're regretting that we got married,

and that we're having a baby! - I've never said that to you.

I-I-I'm just saying you're just--

You're, you're obsessing over all these projects,

and you're disappearing into them!

A-And I-I'm just, like, alone over here.

- Everything I do from the minute I wake up

to the moment I go to sleep is for you

and for the baby. I haven't played basketball in months!

Do you know how much work it is to build a safe, high-quality crib?

- I wanted to order a crib.

Who the fuck builds a crib?!

Out of, like, t-tree slices?!

- Wood. - [sighs] Whatever!

It's like Noah's Ark! - I'm breaking my back here.

I have two splinters in this hand!

Two, not one! - Really? Oh. Oh, how many do you have

in the other hand?

- Zero in that one. - Oh, good.

I really don't wanna do this. C-Can, can we--

- I still have so much to do.

Everything available online has a terrible review!

- Everything has a bad review if you keep scrolling!

Amal Clooney has a bad review!

- I don't know what that is! - Maybe you should play basketball.

Maybe that would-- [gasps]

I just want you to be nice to me.

- I'm so nice to you! - No, you're not!

You get in these moods, and you just-- you--

Any little feedback I give you, you feel so criticized!

And you get so defensive, and I don't feel safe!

- You, you, you wanna leave me.

Just, just... just leave me. - No.

Oh, my God, I didn't say that!

I just wanna feel safe in our home!

♪ melancholy music playing ♪

[soft crying]

Can I have a little water?

- Yeah.

[plastic crinkles]

[grabs object]

[sniffles] [plastic crinkles]

[pours water]

[plastic crinkles]

♪

[John sighs]

[door bell jingles] [street noise]

- I don't have an appetite.

- Alright. [paper crinkles]

I can take a hint. I'll get lost.

- Sit down, Pederson.

I don't wanna be alone.

- I wasn't always like this, ya know?

- Mm-hm. - Seriously!

I got totally fucked up by Gaucher's disease.

- I don't feel like hearin' another made up malady

or some story about how you got attacked by a chinchilla.

- It's the real deal, bro.

Bruising, fatigue, anemia, and the fuckin' pain!

But my life was good, ya know? I played tennis in college,

had a great job, whatever.

[sighs]

But then, this pain, bro.

More than you can imagine. My WASPy-ass parents always said

just take some Tylenol, some fuckin' Aspirin.

Until years and years later, the doctor finally figured out

what was wrong with me. And then, boom.

Pain meds. Opioids.

I fuckin' love opioids.

Anyway, I lost everything.

Did you ever need to just get outta your body?

Just for, like, a couple hours?

- Man, of course, I have.

We all have.

But you need to start over. - I did!

I'm the manager of the car wash down at Sunrise Highway.

The best car wash on Long Island.

- Are you hiring?

Because I'ma need a new job in about an hour.

[sizzling]

[scraping pan]

- What are you doin'?

- I'm going out. I'm staying at a hotel tonight.

- What? You're leaving? - Yes.

- You're leaving me? - No! Just 'til tomorrow.

I-- Look, I love you.

You're a great husband and a great renovator of homes

and cable person, and you're gonna be a great father.

I'm just going for one night

to the Executive Suites Stay America,

just to order bad room service and watch cable.

Just watch all the channels clear. Okay?

I love you.

♪ How Many Times Have You Broken My Heart? by Norah Jones playing ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ You've proven untrue ♪

♪ Leavin' me home ♪

♪ To cry over you ♪

♪ Each time you come back ♪

♪ Say I'm your sweetheart ♪

♪ But how many times, dear ♪

♪ You've broken my heart ♪

[quiet chatter]

♪ Night after night ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- Go ahead, Superman. Let's go. [laughs]

♪ Hopin' and prayin' ♪ - Oh, my God.

Douyon! Douyon! MR. PEDERSON: Douyon!

- I-I do somethin' wrong?

- No, no, no, no! Do you, do you have the pill bottle I gave you?

I think I gave you the wrong medication!

- [laughs] Oh, no, you didn't.

Those was the right ones. [laughs]

He's got the magic stick!

- Oh, yeah! Oh, I love you, Mr. Douyon! [Douyon laughing]

I love you, man!

DOUYON: This is unprofessional. LAVAR: Oh, my goodness!

MR. PEDERSON: Can we talk about my prescription?

LAVAR: Not right now, Pederson.

♪

- John and I have been having a hard time.

[TV chatter]

- The boy cop got me pregnant.

I have an appointment tomorrow.

- I'll take you.

♪ You promised, darling ♪

♪ To be just mine ♪

♪ But now I know ♪

♪ That was one of your lies ♪

♪ You've been untrue ♪

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ But how many times ♪

♪ Have you broken my heart ♪

♪ Night after night ♪

♪ I've cried over you ♪

♪ Hopin' and prayin' ♪

♪ Someday you'll be true ♪

♪ You took my world ♪

♪ Tore it apart ♪

♪ How many times have you broken my heart? ♪

♪

♪ How many times have you broken my heart? ♪

- It's so easy.