Original subtitles

♪ light, mellow music playing ♪

- Last night was perfect.

- Last night was fun as f--

- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck! [thud]

- Fuck!

- [sharp inhale] Fuck.

[groans, heavy breathing]

[sighs]

[groans]

Fuck.

[belt rattling] [panting]

[grunting]

[text notification sound]

[sighs] Fuck.

Fuck. [toilet flushes]

'Sup?

♪ You Rascal You by Hanni El Khatib playing ♪

♪ I'll be glad when you're dead ♪

♪ You rascal, you ♪

♪ I'll be glad when you're dead ♪

♪ You rascal, you ♪

♪ When you're dead and in your grave ♪

♪ No more women, who you crave ♪

♪ I'll be glad when you're dead ♪

♪ You rascal, you ♪

[bubbling, gurgling]

[muffled screaming]

[panting]

[grunts]

[snorting]

- That's powdered sugar. Do you want a beignet?

♪ I'll be standing on the corner full of gin ♪

♪ When they bring your dead body in ♪

♪ I'll be glad when you're dead ♪

♪ You rascal, you ♪

[excited breathing]

- Wow.

- This is just--

- This is, like--

- The most incredible thing

I have ever seen!

MAYA: It says I'm 53.

BETH: They spelled my name "Elizabarth."

- So, like, what do we do with them now?

- We go to a bar.

- And we drink booze. [gasps]

- Okay, girls!

- Hi, Ms. Jones. - Hi, Ms. Jones.

- Oh no! Jane. JESS: Okay, Jane. [laughs]

- Well, Simon is being kind enough to treat me to dinner and a movie.

- American History X.

- Sounds fun.

- You're gonna watch your sister, right, Beth?

- Yeah, sure. - She's very responsible.

Okay, give mommy a kiss. [kissing]

I love you so much. [giggles]

Don't let her stay up too late, okay?

Bye, girls. Be good. GROUP: Bye.

- Nice hat!

- Oh, it's a beret. JEN: Cool.

[door opens, shuts]

- Annie,

...you'll be okay tonight, right? ANN: I don't know.

Maybe.

- I'll let you stay up and watch TV as late as you want.

- Ooh. Okay. Yay. [laughs]

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

- Tonight?

- Tonight.

- Tonight.

- Tonight.

BETH: Today! JEN/JESS: Today!

[laughs]

- I am just so happy today.

- It's because it's your first day as a married woman.

- Yes, it is.

[room chatter]

- And that's your first mimosa as a married woman.

- Yes--

- And that's your first egg as a married woman!

- Stop doing that about everything.

- Sorry.

- So, uh, we're meetin' in front of the airport today, right?

BETH: Mm-hm, yeah.

- Uh, I think I'm gonna go meet my crazy ass cousin, so.

- Oh, want me to come? - No.

- Yeah, I need to pack.

- Ugh, my leg hurts. I'm just gonna go lay in my bed.

Has anyone seen Matt?

- John and I, we're actually goin' to see a psychic.

Yeah, Ben hooked us up. It's like a New Orleans legend or something.

- Oh, ask about me. I'm a Capricorn. - Okay.

[typing, text sound]

- Jess?

[text sound, giggles] Jessie?

You want her to ask about you?

- What? No. What about me? I'm-I'm fine. What?

- Put your phone away. You're about to miss

her first sausage as a married woman.

Actually, I had my first sausage

when I married your dad's... dick.

- [laughs] First dad joke as a married woman.

- Didn't even make sense. Didn't make sense.

MAYA: Made sense to me.

- Maya, my leg is killing me. Can you help me?

- Alright, give it here. [Jen groans]

You know you gotta keep the tissue moving. - Oh, my God. I know, I know.

- It's unacceptable. Unacceptable. No. - Yeah. No, it's really not level.

It's quite pronounced. - John's dad seems... nice.

BART: Grab a plate, make yourself useful.

[cutlery clinking, muttering]

And then we're just gonna flip it over. - Yeah, exactly.

- Oh, God. Men are always doin' some little project that doesn't matter.

- It's how they connect. JEN: It's cute.

- Is it?

- I would not be surprised if I had a couple little kids

[chatter] runnin' around in Italy.

- You're, you're quite a Casanova, huh?

- Oh, I did some damage, Shlomo. - I'm gonna get the manager.

- I feel like I need to go, like, interact with John's dad.

- Yeah. - Right?

Can't get a rhythm. - You got this.

- I look okay? - You look beautiful.

JESS: Yeah, you good.

- Now, where is Matt? [nervous laugh]

- We gotta go back to the hotel. I can't-- - No, I'm sorry.

We're too late for this brunch. And, and by the way,

I don't even wanna know what happened last night.

- That's good 'cause I can't tell you. Can we just slow down a little bit,

please? - No. Listen. Okay.

I know we haven't talked about this very much,

but I feel like we both know where this is headed.

You know, marriage, children via surrogate

'cause nobody wants to mess with this. [retching]

But I started a little bit of a fund, [coughing]

um, so there's nothing holding you back

from asking me a certain question

where you give me a certain thing that I've registered for at Tiffany & Co.

- Wait, [clears throat]

I have been feelin' a little held back.

- Yeah. - Where's, um--

What did you call it? Did you call it a fund?

- Yeah, just to get the ball rolling, I linked a joint Venmo for us.

- That is so romantic.

LEONARD: Bethy?

BETH: Hi. - Let me tell you something.

Do not wait for me at the airport, okay?

I changed my plans. I'm stayin'.

And I, uh, I met a special lady, okay?

A, uh, special girl. - Oh, God. Got it. Okay.

- Okay? - Okay.

- Just get it so it's level.

- Guys? JOHN: Let it go now.

- Can I scoot in here? JOHN: Come on.

Okay. Okay. - Can I--

- That's better.

[sighs] - Hi, Dad.

- Good morning, yes. JOHN: Hi, Missus.

- Hello.

- You're not gonna take my last name, right?

- No, no, I don't think so.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Uh, why not?

- Um, I just-- I-I like my name. I wanna--

- Yeah. Yeah. - ...keep my dad's name. You know, just.

I mean, I-- Uh, but this place,

isn't it great? [heavy breathing]

- Alexa, add four loaves of sourdough to the shopping list.

ALEXA: I've added four loaves of sourdough to your shopping list.

- Tell me about the wedding. - Oh, there's nothin' to tell.

I watched 16 hours of Criminal Minds in a Holiday Inn Express.

[ripping paper]

- Ya know,

I would've loved to have gone with you.

- I didn't need you to.

- You think they'll last?

- No. I mean, I told her I thought it was a mistake.

- You did? - Yeah.

But I mean, we're honest like that.

Like, who do you know that's actually happy?

- Cool.

- Well, I didn't mean us.

- Right.

You wanna go for a walk? - Yeah. Um,

...no.

♪ slow jazz music playing ♪

Alexa, add chocolate mud cupcakes to the shopping list.

ALEXA: I've added chocolate mud cupcakes to your shopping list.

[door closes]

♪ Can't We Be Friends? by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong playing ♪

BETH: Thank you. - Thanks.

- What do you wanna do today?

I'm down for whatever.

All we have is that psychic,

and I hope she does past lives stuff.

I feel like I'm descended from, like, royalty, or, like,

hookers, or something. - Yeah, if it's cool with you,

I think I'm gonna skip that and play basketball actually.

- Um, w-- [laughs] I-It's for both of us.

I-I-- She's supposed to be, like, really good.

- Then she probably knows that I'm not gonna be there.

- [sighs] Move over, girl.

You know you fucked up my trip.

- Come on. - Come on nothin'!

- No, uh, i-it was sweet.

- What? Your wedding? Yeah, it was sweet. - Yes. Okay.

- But you and JoJo owe me a written apology.

- Oh, my God. - Wait a minute, girl.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Put that down. Look at you, already spillin' shit.

Get your hands off of that. Get a bib.

You don't wanna get anything on your white shit, come on.

- I'm not going to. - Oh, yeah?

- Who the fuck is Jojo? - Really?

[ball bouncing] - What is--

- Alright, I'll see you later. Have a great day.

- Um, okay. - Have fun.

- Just-- [bouncing]

I'm not gonna let anything get me down today.

Not a damn thing.

♪ I let him turn me down and say ♪

♪ Can't we be, can't we be ♪

♪ Can't we be, can't we be ♪

♪ Can't we be, can't we be friends? ♪ Good. Good.

♪ Whoa, yes ♪

♪ soft music playing ♪

BETH: Wait, where's the bouncer? JEN: It's fine.

JESS: I don't-- JEN: J-Just-Just go. Yeah.

BETH: Okay. JESS: Just go up to the bar.

- Excuse me? Are you the bartender?

- No. The bartenders come in at 9:00.

You know, three hours from now.

[sighs]

I can make you a drink. What do you want?

- I got this, I got this. [clears throat]

We would like four Sex on the Beaches. On the rocks.

And do yourself a favor, hold the rocks.

MAYA: Yeah. BETH: Thanks.

♪ Down on the Town by Cromwell playing ♪ JESS: Just sit.

[excited whispering] [chairs squeak]

[whispering stops]

[taps counter] - No rocks.

♪ I went down ♪

♪ On the town ♪ [excited giggling, cheering]

♪ With my money in my hand ♪

[sipping] [coughs]

- [lying] Mm... Yum. - [lying] That's so good.

[group agrees]

Love drinking. - So good.

BETH: I think I might be drunk.

[inhales]

[laughs]

- Thank you again so much for the wedding. It was amazing.

- Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'm pretty good at it, right?

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. [laughs]

- And thank you for coming here with me,

even though I kept insisting that you not.

- I know. Well, of course! You're my daughter now.

Huh? Family! - [laughs] Yeah.

- Yeah. - In what way?

- Your father and I exchanged our own vows last night.

Isn't that beautiful? He said I could put it on your tab.

You know who I think is terrific is that Matt!

How did you let that little devil slip through your fingers?

- Guess who has your motherfuckin' money?

Me, motherfucker! Yeah!

Yeah, I just gotta get on a flight.

I told you I'd get back on track.

There's never a need to threaten people, okay? Hello?

[indistinct chatter]

FLORA: Well, let me tell you something. Madame La Merde is the best.

- Mm. - Excellent.

- Great. - Top notch.

Do you remember January 6th?

- She predicted that?

- No, she was there.

[quiet laugh]

- Hi, girls! Hello. BETH: Hi.

- Hi. [laughs]

- I'm Beth. MADAME LA MERDE: Hey.

- Yes, this is my new daughter. Yeah. - Well, not really.

Not really. I-I just was supposed to come with my husband, but he couldn't.

Oh! That's my first time saying "my husband."

- Aw, he's not with you? - No, no, sadly, no.

He ditched me to play basketball, but I'm not mad.

Nothing could get me down today. MADAME LA MERDE: Oh.

That's not good. No, it's really not good.

- It's fine. - No, it's not.

It really isn't. BETH: Yeah.

- Yeah, but anyway, I'm so glad you showed up.

FLORA: Oh?

- 'Cause I was back there, and I was gonna have some lunch,

and then I thought,

"If they don't show up, I'm never gonna speak to them."

'Cause you know what? I'm one of those people,

I don't forget things. You know what I mean?

BETH/FLORA: Mm. - I'm like a elephant.

I thought, "If they don't show up,

...I'm gonna hate their fuckin' guts forever." FLORA: Oh.

MADAME LA MERDE: Wow.

You know, I see here that, you know, you did have kids.

- Oh, no. Does the ball say that?

MADAME LA MERDE: Uh, no.

I don't know whose ball that is. But no, the ball doesn't say anything.

I'm just lookin' at your body. [laughs] Yeah.

It looks-- You know, looks like you have kids.

- Yeah. - I mean--

- I don't have any kids, but-- - Oh.

- ...um-- MADAME LA MERDE: Oh, really?

- Yeah. MADAME LA MERDE: Whoops.

- Do you read our-our palms or?

MADAME LA MERDE: Well, it's just my gut.

My gut was

...looking at your gut.

[distant police sirens wailing] [gasps] Oh.

Do you hear that?

Guys, shh! Shh!

[sirens continue]

Hear something.

I, I-I really do. I do. I hear something. It's getting closer.

[sirens get closer] Closer. Wait... It's like a

[mimics police sirens]

- Police sirens? - No.

- Yeah, we all, we all hear that. [shushing]

- Y-- - It's s-- It's police sirens.

- Yeah. - We all hear it.

FLORA: It's a crime scene. [sighs]

- What a frickin' bust.

Can't believe it. It felt so real. - Yeah.

- Alright, I got one thing wrong. BETH: Y-- I also don't have kids.

- Alright, two. That's just two out of, two out of

...two.

Oh, my God.

Your mother is here.

I made a prayer, and it has been answered.

FLORA: I'm here right now. Of course, I'm here. [laughs]

MADAME LA MERDE: No, no, no. Her real dead mother, Jane.

- Oh, my God, really? Oh, my God! MADAME LA MERDE: Hello.

Oh! - My mom, she's here?

- Yes, she's here. - How did you know she was dead?

- Well, she looks dead.

Yeah, and she has a lot to say. BETH: Oh, what, what is she saying?

D-Does she know I got married?

Did she come here to find me? U-Uh. MADAME LA MERDE: Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure she missed you, right?

- God, I miss you, Mom! MADAME LA MERDE: Aw.

- Is she saying anything? Does she know I got married?

Mom, I-I met a great guy and, um, I have a job.

I-I really actually am good at it.

I like it and Ann says hi!

I mean, not really, but, you know, it's, it's, Ann.

Um, I think about you all the time.

- Uh-oh. BETH: What?

MADAME LA MERDE: Y-Your mother left.

We had, like, a two-minute window.

A four-minute window maybe. Whatever, but I--

You know, she was with a guy. I did see her with a guy.

- She was with a guy? MADAME LA MERDE: Y-- Well, he, he d--

And I have to say, he had some very tight, little buns.

- Oh. - And if I had my wish,

I'd have him pull down his pants and just sit on my face.

FLORA: Oh, my goodness.

[giggles] - Can we summon her back?

MADAME LA MERDE: For some reason in my life,

I have never... ever had repeat business.

- [crying] I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting this. I'm gonna--

I'm just gonna go. Okay? No, I'm sorry. - Oh, um. Oh, Beth.

- Wait, wait. No, wait. You know what? You know what?

BETH: I'm really sorry. I'm gonna leave.

[door opens] [sighs]

[door shuts] - Do me.

- Oh, no.

Ya die in a balloon accident.

♪ Life is Like a Ball Game by Katie Webster and Rockin' Sidney playing ♪ - Play defense.

Watch the fuckin' forearms. What?

SHLOMO: Ooh! ♪ Life is like a ball game ♪

- There's a baby elephant.

Look, there's a baby elephant.

Goddamnit!

- These men are bad at basketball.

LAVAR: Yes, they sure are, son.

[Leonard coughing]

[stops coughing]

- Hi, Bethela. - Bethy.

- I'm not really talkin' to you.

- Why? BETH: Don't talk to me. Don't look at me.

- You don't want your father to have a good time?

- You know what you did. - Bethlehem, hey!

- Hi! This must be Vince.

I'm so happy to meet you. I'm Beth.

- Yes.

- We are so sorry we missed brunch. - Oh.

- We had a real morning. - I'm sorry.

- New Orleans was the center of the slave trade

almost 60 years after Congress ended it.

[ball hits backboard]

- I'm s-so sorry about that.

It's hot, right? Are you sweating? LAVAR/DENISHA: Yeah, yeah.

- [sighs] Yeah, aren't you hot in that sweatshirt, honey?

- He won't take it off.

- He has some temperature regulation stuff.

- Okay. [basketball dribbling]

- How hard is it to get the ball in the hole?!

♪ Your Gravy Train by Claude Shermack playing ♪

♪ Your gravy train a-comin' to a screechin' halt ♪

♪ A-do ya, do ya, do ya wanna know why? ♪

[clatters]

- Then there were none.

Well played, man.

Well played. Let's settle up.

I think we said, uh, $12k?

♪ The gravy train come to a screechin' halt ♪

[groans]

[dribbling]

- Hey. - Hey.

[shoots ball] - You've been playing for three hours.

- Really?! Amazing! BETH: Yeah.

Hey, the psychic kinda fucked me up,

um, and you haven't been answering my texts.

- I wasn't looking at my phone. BETH: Yeah.

Uh, we should go to the airport and pack and everything.

- Vince, we're leavin' in a few. [traffic noise]

You have to give him a few minutes warnin' for transitions.

JOHN: We have time. - We have time.

- Uh-uh! You have one minute. VINCE: Fine.

[ball hits backboard] Beth has a stain on her shirt.

- Thank you for pointing that out, Vince.

- I'm sorry about that.

Vince has Autism Spectrum Disorder. [dribbling]

BETH: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

DENISHA: No, it's nothin' to be sorry about.

- Actually, you should say congratulations.

The kid's a genius, you know?

A good kid. A happy kid.

- Yeah.

He's so lucky to have you two.

- Let's just say we were not on the same page about getting him tested,

but it's been so helpful as far as

gettin' the tools for communication. - Oh.

LAVAR: Alright, my man. - Alright.

LAVAR: Come on, man.

Y'all take care. [laughs] - Bye.

VINCE: Bye, Beth. - Thank you.

♪ jazzy piano music playing ♪

[Matt vomiting]

MATT: I'm here, Meri! I'm alive.

- Baby? Oh, my God! What happened?

Oh, my God! - [gasps] I, uh-- I had this--

I got robbed. These, these kids just, just came

outta nowhere and jumped me. [winces] - Kids?

- Big kids. Big kids.

Uh, like post-college age kids.

Football players, most likely.

- Adults? - No. Well, yeah. Kind of adult-sized.

They were jacked. And I, uh, and I,

I had one of 'em in a headlock, and I was, I was like, uh--

- Oh, my God.

Honey. [crying]

- Fuck it! Fuck it!

Ugh!

I-I'm too tired. I,

...I didn't get robbed!

I robbed you!

I took all the money from the wedding fund and I hustled, and I,

...I got the shit beaten out of me! [sobs]

- Oh, babe. - No, no! No! No "baby!"

I need you to listen to me.

Really listen to me this time, okay?

- Okay. - I stole

...from my girlfriend!

- No, you didn't.

- What do you mean? Yes, I did! - You stole

...from your fiancée.

Actually, from my dad, and it doesn't matter.

It's fine. I mean, we can get money whenever we need it.

- Really? - Yeah.

- No! God! Nah, it doesn't matter, okay?

I just, [panting]

I just-- I didn't know your family had money like that.

- Yeah, I'm, like, really down to earth. People can't tell.

But money doesn't matter. It's--

We matter. You and me. We.

We're supposed to be together.

I know that. I don't know how I know it, but I know it.

I don't even need to work.

I just got a job to show my dad I could,

and then I met you, and now you're my job

because we're gonna be together forever.

[sighs]

Come here, look.

Come here.

[sighs] Look.

♪

[sniffles]

- Okay, what am I lookin' at here?

- We can be together for all of eternity.

It was expensive because New Orleans is below sea level,

so the bodies have to be held above ground.

But we'll decompose next to each other

in the city where we got engaged.

[laughs]

[sighs] - Thank you?

Thank you.

- So, it's official?

We're getting married?

- Yeah, fuck it!

[kissing, moaning]

[Matt groans]

[pained groaning] - I know. I know.

[dribbling] - Hey.

- Hey. - I,

I-I had a weird afternoon,

so I don't wanna be, like, rushing.

JOHN: Yeah. - So.

And-And Maya is, like, so pissed about something.

[dribbles] I have no idea-- John, can you stop?

- I'm listening. - Well, you're,

you're dribbling. Can you just stop, look at me, and--

- Have I done something wrong?

- By deserting me the first day of our marriage? [laughs]

- I've been playing basketball. - No, I'm very aware of that.

- You could play with me. It's something we could do together.

- No, I'm going to pack.

I'm not playing, so. I--

[sighs]

- Beth! See? You're so good! Come on, it's fun--

- I really just wanna go to the airport and pack. I--

- Come on. - No, I-I-I don't wanna play.

I'm going to pack. You're not listening to me.

- Wait! Well, it'll take me 10 minutes to pack.

And with traffic at that time of day,

it'll take no more than 35 minutes to get to the airport.

I still have another 17 to 19 minutes

before I even have to head to the hotel.

Why are you acting like I'm doing something wrong? It's fine that I'm here.

- I just was expressing to you that I felt abandoned today.

It's not-- - That's stupid. We just got married.

That's the opposite of abandoning someone. That's bandoning them.

- I'll just see you later.

Okay? - No. Wait, we can talk about this.

You're acting like I'm some awful person, and I'm not. I've done nothing wrong.

- I don't wanna talk about this anymore, okay?

I didn't want anything to get me down today.

And I am down! I got down!

- You're being completely unreasonable! I'm just playing basketball!

You're trying to make me feel bad!

♪ soft, sad music playing ♪

[blinds rattling]

♪ With nothing to say ♪

♪

- Beth?

- Shh.

[panting]

- Beth, what's happening?

[panting]

[vomiting]

[door opens]

- Oh, my God! Beth!

The next time you come home drunk, just use the front door.

- Fuck you.

- What did you just say to me? - Fuck you!

- You do not get to swear at me like that, young lady!

[heavy breathing]

- Fuck you!

[yelp, gasping]

- I don't think you can live here anymore!

[both panting]

[both laughing]

- What?!

- [gasps] Oh, my God.

That's not funny! This is not funny.

No, no, no, no, no. [Beth laughs]

Oh, my gosh. Go to bed! Here, drink the rest of this and go to bed.

Gah! Beth!

Jesus! What's wrong with you? [Beth groans]

ANN: Beth, no, no, no, no! [Beth yells]

You smell so bad! [Beth squeals]

Oh, my God, ew!

JANE: Go to bed!

♪

[dribbling]

- It's, [laughs] it's so hot.

It's like 90 degrees out.

- Is it? - Yeah.

You should take your sweatshirt off.

- I'm fine.

[dribbles]

- I wanna wait out here for Maya. She's

...I don't know.

Oh. - Hi, Bethela.

- Hey. Forgettin' something?

- Oh! Yeah, I have this thing. I-I like to pack light.

It-It just gives me great pride.

I love people being surprised

at how small my luggage is.

- Good. No, I meant Maya.

- Oh. - Aren't you forgetting Maya?

Where is she? - No, she's getting a later flight, but--

- Yeah. - I'm gonna--

- Yeah. - I'm gonna go help Jen.

- You think your friends had a good time out here?

- Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Your friends didn't come.

- I didn't invite anyone. Hey. - Hey, John!

Hey, you think you could hang out with Vince for a minute? What's up, Beth?

- Hi.

Aren't you guys hot?

- Want to see who can throw the ball higher?

I have a definite advantage, so I'll sit on the floor.

VINCE: Okay.

Cool sweatshirt. It has a bike on it. - Thanks. I know.

I like your sweatshirt, too.

It has, like, graffiti.

♪

[airplane roaring]

[airplane gets louder]

♪ There's No Home for You Here by The White Stripes playing ♪

♪ There's no home for you here, girl, go away ♪

♪ There's no home for you here ♪

♪ There's no home for you here, girl, go away ♪

♪ There's no home for you here ♪

♪ song continues playing ♪

♪ I'd like to think that all this constant interaction ♪

♪ Is just the kind to make you drive yourself away ♪

♪ Each simple gesture done by me is counteracted ♪

♪ And leaves me standing here with nothing else to say ♪

♪ Completely baffled by a backward indication ♪

♪ That an inspired word will come across your tongue ♪

♪ Hands moving upward to propel the situation ♪

♪ Have simply halted, now the conversation's done ♪

♪ There's no home for you here, girl, go away ♪

♪ There's no home for you here ♪

♪ There's no home for you here, girl, go away ♪

♪ There's no home for you here ♪

- It's so easy.