Original subtitles

INSPECTOR CHAN

CRIME BUSTERS

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful woman...

and you arrest her...

just for spitting?

Is there no justice?

Is there no law?

Your boss is only Commissioner...

because he paid his dues to the Crocodile Gang.

And you don't fucking know me?

Sorry, we didn't know she was your wife.

You still talk nonsense?

What are you looking at? Never seen such a handsome gang boss?

Who'd be in the film business?

It's Sunday and the theater's deserted.

Where's the car?

Let's go back inside!

Call for help!

No need for that, Northerner.

While you were messing with the cop, your men signed up with us.

I'll kill all you Axe Gangsters!

Stop! Remember the time I treated you to dinner?

Brother Sum.

Big Brother...

Please spare me.

Don't be silly.

I don't kill women. You can go!

Thank you, Big Brother.

Cops! Come clean up the mess!

THE AXE GANG

PIG STY ALLEY

1, 2, 3!

That okay, Coolie?

No problem!

TAILOR

NOODLES AND CONGEE

My check please, Donut.

How much?

It's on the house!

Donut.

It's nothing.

I like you.

I'll tell the wife to lower your rent.

Morning, Landlord!

Landlord!

Jill! How you've grown!

Come let me give you a physical exam.

Good to see you, Landlord!

What's so good about it?

Don't...!

Can you make the skirt slit higher?

Sure!

Look, a comet!

Jane! You naughty girl!

Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!

Don't go, Jane! Stay and chat!

I'm only kidding. Jane!

Landlady!

What happened to the water?

Water ain't free!

You talk a lot for someone who won't pay his rent.

But I'm in the middle of a shampoo.

So what?

From now on, no water on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Water ration Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

See if you fools dare complain again. Assholes!

Good morning, Landlady!

Good your ass! Just pay your rent, or I'll burn down your shop.

What's so funny? Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!

Serves you right. You're a coolie!

Months overdue and not even a "good morning."

You'll be a coolie for life.

There you go, handsome!

What took you so long with the congee?

I stopped to help an old lady cross the street.

Then what are you doing here?

Checking for peeping toms.

Was someone just spying on you, Auntie Six?

Don't shoot your mouth off without proof.

She's crazy.

Go away!

Please can you teach us, sir?

No more soccer!

Who wants the cut?

My boss.

Take a seat.

Done! Fifty cents please.

Isn't it great?

It's too good!

Why'd you make him look so good?

Are you making fun of him?

Don't get mad, Boss. He's my old buddy. I'll handle this.

He's boss of the Axe Gang. Don't you see the two axes? We're bad guys.

Making him look good is really bad. Understand?

I didn't know.

You're a numbskull!

But I like you, so just pay me, and I'll take care of it.

No way!

Steady with the axe, Boss. Let me talk to him.

I really care for you. You saw it for yourself. Seriously.

Why don't you pay up? Not much. Enough for a drink.

Oh, so it's blackmail!

Boss!

Boss!

Now you're dead!

Looks like he's waking up!

I'm not afraid.

You can kill me.

But there'll be thousands more of me!

You want to play tough? The Axe Gang boss is napping in there.

Whoever wants to die please step forward.

So you want to fight?

Great! We'll go one-on-one.

Don't even think about cheating.

That old woman with the onion!

You look real tough. Want to try me? I'll let you hit me first.

What do you do?

I'm a farmer.

Farmers don't fight. Piss off!

He's crazy!

Calling me names?

You're lucky you're a woman.

Hey, Shortie! Yeah, you! If you're short, you don't retort.

What did I say about cheating?

Sit back down!

You! The geezer with the glasses. You look mean.

No, not you, I mean....

You!

Hey, kid, let's rumble!

All right, all right! Not even one of you can fight!

You're all such wimps.

So no one-on-ones today.

He blackmailed me.

Fat woman, you're in charge here, right?

Fat woman, my ass!

I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass!

Boss!

Boss, my ass!

You have to pay our medical bills!

Medical bills, my ass!

Hey, we're on the same side!

Same side, my ass!

A snake!

Snake, my ass!

Think you're so tough? I'll call for backup!

You nitwit! Let's see what backup you've got!

You don't know the backup I have. We're talking an army here....

Don't you go away! Go put a down payment on your coffin!

Who threw the firecracker?

I'm one of you, Brother.

Why are you guys still here?

It's raining. Go bring in your laundry!

Fat woman!

You blackmailing me too? I ain't afraid.

I....

Did anyone see what happened?

Don't! My back's broken!

Call for help!

Hold on, calm down. You hungry?

Keep quiet.

No.

Who did this?

I'll count to three.

One....

Two....

I did it!

Are the goods okay, Brother Sum?

Sorry, Brother Sum!

Look away, kid.

Get rid of him!

We're the bad guys!

We're meant to do the ass-kicking...

not the other way around.

But our asses got kicked today, all because these morons posed as Axes.

Don't waste your time, Brother Sum.

We'll handle this.

You! Take care of it.

Boy, can this guy pick locks.

It's a living. Give me a break.

Pick that one too, if you're so good.

Come.

I'll count to three.

Hurry!

Ready? Three!

That's quick!

Brother Sum, we really want to be Axes.

That's why we did what we did. Give us a chance.

Ever killed anyone?

I've always thought about it.

Then go kill someone to show me.

I will!

Go on!

Thank you, Brother Sum.

We can always find a use for that type of scum.

I told you before, you've got to look tough.

Tougher!

Even tougher!

Act the part.

And try to stay awake.

But it's tiring being tough.

Tiring? It's our living!

The streets out there are filled with money and women.

Whoever has the will and determination...

to seize the opportunity can get to the top.

This is our big chance!

We just kill someone, and we're in the gang.

Then it'll be money and women all the way!

Don't be like those beggars.

Look at them. No ambition. Trash.

Who are you looking at, four eyes? I'll smash your glasses!

Get lost, you beggar!

Come down here and say that!

You're really going to kill someone?

That's right!

First the four eyes, then the fat woman and all the residents of Pig Sty.

But they're good at kung fu.

I can do kung fu too!

Oh, yeah?

Didn't I tell you I know Buddhist Palm Kung Fu?

Hey there, handsome boy. Stop.

Amazing!

Do you know you have a special aura?

You're so young, but you have the bone structure...

and chi flow of a kung fu genius.

If your chi flow can be channeled, then you will be invincible!

Like the old saying: You cannot escape your destiny.

The duty of upholding world peace and punishing evil will be yours.

Sure.

This is the scroll of the Buddhist Palm. It's priceless.

But as it's fate, I'll let you have it for $10.

BUDDHIST PALM MANUAL

You gave him your life savings?

Yes.

I was saving to study to be a doctor or lawyer...

but this was world peace.

Let go of the girl!

Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!

The "Twenty-Cent Kung Fu Manual."

Have you killed anyone lately?

He's a fool, and she's mute. Losers!

I realized then that good guys never win. I want to be the bad guy.

I want to be a killer!

Ice cream!

Where?

Two cones. Make mine a vanilla.

Chocolate for me!

What're you looking at? Never seen free ice cream before?

Look at her run!

You're such kung fu masters, go take it on the road.

You can easily make a fortune out there.

You belong in the circus, not here!

Don't say that, Landlady. There must be a reason they're here.

Everyone has his reasons.

We don't want to make trouble.

I'm glad you get it. The mob's mad at us.

We'll never hear the end of it. Why don't you get lost!

Your wife shouldn't be so nasty.

You okay?

Masters.

We have nothing precious to give you...

but take this as a token of our appreciation.

Thanks for saving us!

Stop this crying crap. This isn't a show!

You're so cold-hearted.

Talking back to me, eh?

You may know kung fu, but you're still a fairy.

It's no crime to be good at kung fu!

Once a fairy, always a fairy.

Look at you. What's with the red underwear?

Why not a diaper while you're at it?

What's wrong with red underwear?

Where were you when there was trouble?

If it weren't for them, we'd be finished. Be reasonable!

I'll reason with you.

You owe me three months rent. That's $90.

Pay up or pack up!

Don't worry, guys. I'll pay it for you.

Think you're a smartass, Bucktooth Jane?

What's it to you, tub of lard?

Bitch!

Calm down, Landlady.

This is your fault.

Are you trying to kill us?

That's right.

It's all your fault.

Shut the hell up!

You think you can out-yell me?

The fat lady can really sing. And she deserves to die.

Watch this!

What happened?

What do you mean what happened? You try it.

Me?

Quick!

Sorry! You okay?

I think you should get closer and take better aim. Okay?

Okay!

Who threw this handle?

Handle?

Another one. Where's the handle?

God knows where it went.

Could it be from this one? Can't be...

Don't!

Sorry.

Are you trying to say something?

I just remembered I have something to do.

See you!

Uh-oh. They've seen us!

Stay back!

Don't panic! Snakes like music. If I whistle, they won't bite.

Please, no more bright ideas.

Oh, what the hell!

Not you again, asshole!

Get back to your business!

Split up!

Split?

What are you doing here?

Waiting for you. You okay?

I'm fine!

Where are your wounds? Did you see a doctor?

I don't know.

So where were you?

Don't remember.

Maybe it's better that way.

"Memories can be painful, to forget may be a blessing!"

I never knew you were so deep.

"All the sadness one can bear..."

"flows down the river, no need to care."

Hey, get out of the way!

Move!

I'll slap you to kingdom come!

Look at those four eyes carting around a coffin.

What morons!

Don't blame me for making you leave.

As always, we'll let Buddha decide...

Good stick, you stay.

Bad stick, you go.

HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE

Have some tea.

We're grateful for some professional help.

We understand the problem. Iron Fist of the Hung School, Yang's Octagon staff...

and 12 Kicks of the Tam School are all there. It's thorny indeed.

Those guys at Pig Sty are really good.

Their Warrior Days are long over...

but they're still top fighters.

This job is a great challenge for us.

See, that's professionalism.

Of course. They're number one on the list of killers. Expensive, yes, but worth every penny!

Wrong!

The Beast is number one, the world's top killer.

He was so dedicated to kung fu, he went crazy.

I heard he's now in an asylum.

So you guys are the top killers now.

Strictly speaking, we're just musicians.

A song that wrenches the heart O where do I find a knowing ear?

Great poem, isn't it?

We'll be saying goodbye soon. Who knows when we'll see each other again.

We're three of a kind. Wish we'd known before.

Why don't we take this opportunity to spar a little?

Nah, I still have a lot to pack.

You're right.

Twelve Kicks of the Tam School! Superb attack and defense! Impressive!

Iron Fist: powerful yet delicate. Top-notch!

Yang's Octagon Staff, with its endless variations. Mystical!

Till we meet again!

Lipstick marks again?!

Stay there, or I'll break you in half.

Sorry, we're closed.

You can make a suit in no time.

We're moving.

This is good material!

You know your stuff.

This has high artistic value.

How high?

At least a few stories....

Insulting the Axe Gang! We'll show them.

Let's kill them all and make this place a brothel.

Don't block my view!

What's going on?

Good!

Don't block my view!

Damn! I told those nitwits to leave, but the fight is on again.

Really?

Yeah.

Are you out of your mind? Who'll pay for all this damage?

Sorry, sorry. It's nothing!

Enough already! You know what time it is? I have to sleep.

Hey, fatso, eat shit and die!

Die? In this racket?

Sorry, sorry!

Get out of my way!

Hang in there, Tailor.

Be quiet!

Give us a break! Why push us so far?

There's another master?

It's the Lion's Roar!

I thought that was a myth.

Who knew the Lion's Roar really exists?

That's the last we'll see of them.

This is no good, Brother Sum. Quick, start the car!

Start the car!

Boss!

Keep it down! Have you no manners?

Get lost. People are trying to sleep.

They have to work tomorrow. Get out of here!

Scumbags!

I can't hang on much longer.

But having seen real masters like you...

I can now die in peace.

Don't say that, Donut.

We're just ordinary folks trying to live in peace.

Being ordinary is a blessing.

Don't call us masters.

But you're such great fighters!

If only you'd helped earlier, they wouldn't have to die this way.

Like Donut said, everyone has his reasons.

Years ago...

we saw our only son killed in a fight.

Revenge is a vicious cycle.

Do you understand?

Then why don't you train me to be a kung fu master...

and I'll avenge them!

Becoming a master takes time.

Unless you're a natural born kung fu genius.

but they're one in a million.

Obviously, I'm the one!

Don't think so.

Everyone!

We swore on our lives we'd never fight again.

But we broke that promise today.

For your own safety, please all leave!

In great power lies great responsibility.

There's no escaping from it.

Donut, you're hurt bad.

Rest now.

What are you preparing to do?

Why don't you speak Chinese?

Donut!

I know you, Four-Eyes!

You seem prejudiced against the sight-challenged.

That's right. Especially gold-framed four eyes.

Gold frames are perfect for clerks.

I think I look good. So why keep picking on me?

Help me!

Help me! Help me! Want to play, punks?

The Dragon Style? The Tiger Style?

Come down here, and I'll smash your glasses. Come on!

You know I'd do it, right?

Swear to it!

Swear!

Have you no respect? Where were you when I needed you?

What's that? You sound like a wimp!

That's why we always get beat! We haven't gotten anywhere.

No killing, no arson, no robberies, no rapes...

because your fat ass is in the way!

You're a numb nut!

Follow me!

It's a stickup! Where's the money?

Where's the money?

What are you looking at? I'm serious!

I kill people for less! Give me the money. Speak!

The money's in here.

Let go of the girl!

He's a fool, and she's mute.

Losers!

Don't follow me anymore! You're dragging me down!

Go home and raise pigs.

Go, before I kill you.

You! What's-your-name!

Go get some new clothes. You're now an Axe!

For real?

Someone's waiting for you.

Brother Sum!

One look at you, and I knew you'd do anything.

Right!

You just needed your chance.

Damn right!

We've an assignment for you.

Anything, Brother Sum!

"Abnormal Human Research Center." What's that?

A mental asylum.

They have troops!

Just boy scouts!

Tanks!

No worries.

When the Boy Scouts change shifts, you have exactly five minutes.

Follow the arrows on the map. Go to the last cell...

and get the man inside there out. Here are your tools.

What about you guys?

We're your lookouts.

Five minutes. Hurry!

The World's Top Killer, indeed looks the part!

It's only a title.

Cut the bullshit. We want two people killed. Name your price.

"Name my what"?

I've killed so many just trying to find a worthy adversary.

So far, I've never found one.

That's why I stayed inside.

Had I met my match, I'd have been out long ago.

To tell you the truth, if you find me a worthy opponent...

I'll do it for free. No charge!

Do you have someone?

Yes. We've got absolutely top -notch fighters! You're in luck!

But first, will you show us some moves?

Not that we don't trust you. We just want to see you in action.

You numbskulls aren't worthy!

He doesn't look the part.

The slippers are a little crappy. But he'll clean up well.

You sure you got the right guy?

Absolutely. I swear I did exactly what you told me.

Please show us some moves, Mr. Beast. Don't make it hard for me!

You're crazy.

You know what this is, old man?

Ever seen a fist this big?

Don't force me to fight. I scare myself when I fight!

Really? Try me, then.

Is he okay?

So you say you can fight?

Harder!

Harder!

Harder!

You hit like that and call yourself a gangster?

An import!

In the world of kung fu, speed defines the winner.

The Beast is the best of them all.

The Axe Gang salutes The Beast!

The real masters are all here!

Only the World's Top Killer...

has such an aura.

Likewise. Such presence!

You two must be the famous Fated Lovers...

Paris...

and Helen of Troy!

A pleasure, indeed.

We're here to deal with the Axe Gang...

and only the Axe Gang.

You should've killed me last time.

Coming here today... you're digging your own grave.

You're living on borrowed time.

Today I've brought you a gift you can't refuse.

What's this? A funeral bell?

With the Beast here, let's see whose funeral it is!

So you're on their side?

Don't get me wrong.

I only want to kill you...

or be killed by you.

What do you think?

The good cannot coexist with the bad. You can't escape your destiny.

So be it. Let's do it.

Okay.

Let's do it!

Hit me harder. I can take more.

Good try, but a little off target.

The Lion's Roar?

Wait!

I didn't know the Lion's Roar could be done with a speaker!

I've lost.

Looks like they're about to be finished!

Right! Let's get them both while they're down.

You do it!

I'm gonna puke! I need to see a doctor!

Go to hell!

You! Come over here.

Hit him!

Yes!

The head!

Of course!

Hit him on the head!

Okay.

Here's your chance.

Got it!

Hit him!

Hit him!

Hit the shit out of him!

Right!

Hit him!

Hit him!

Beat the shit out of him!

What are you doing?

You want me to hit him or beat the shit out of him?

You're making me very confused!

Wow! That's a big fist!

Why did you hit me?

Where are they?

How could you let them escape?

No one gets away from me!

THOUSAND BUDDHAS ANCIENT TEMPLE

Why did he save us?

Young people make mistakes.

But at least he finally made good.

Look at him! Beaten to a pulp.

Do you have any last requests?

Hey, wait!

Why don't you write in Chinese? I don't understand.

There's no one here!

CHINESE MEDICINE

It's a miracle he lasted this long.

The herbs should help him.

Herbal medicine can only partly help. The key is his own body structure.

All his bones and tendons are broken. It's odd enough he didn't die.

It's amazing that he's recovering so fast on his own.

It can't be possible....

Unless he's....

What's that smell?

You mustn't smoke while you're hurt.

Let me handle this.

This makes no sense.

Who knew the Beast could clear the chi flow...

and thus unleash the boy's true potential?

We should've guessed.

He is The One!

Is this for real?

You're still alive, you turncoat?

Kill him, men!

Toe-stepping?

That's kids' stuff!

If our son were alive, he'd be his age now.

If he studies hard, he could grow up to be a doctor or lawyer.

A stuntman, more likely!

Not bad. Let's go.

I can even stop bullets--

What? The Toad Style of the Kwan Lun School?

Oh, no!

Darling, remember the Palm Move that falls from heaven?

That's the long lost Buddhist Palm.

I surrender!

What kind of move was that?

If you want to learn, I'll teach you.

Master!

Hey! Tell him not to put snot on the glass.

You two, put your pants on!

No licking if you're not buying!

Kid, you have the bone structure of a kung fu genius.

World peace is in your hands. Here's the scroll of the Buddhist Palm.

Because it's fate, I'll let you have it for only $10.

Wait! Don't like this one?

There's more where that one came from...