Original subtitles

Hey, you got a permit for those guns?

I've got your permit right here.

Thank you.

That's my bicep.

One second, babe.

Hello?

What are you gonna do?

My job.

Game over.

I'm a cop, and damn good at my job.

It all began years ago.

In the line of duty, me and my partner were chasing down a mysterious kung fu

master.

You're under arrest, punk.

Show us your hand.

Good work, dragon.

You could have killed bullbrokers with that crazy stuff.

But goddammit.

You're the best partner I've ever had. Thanks. I learned from the best.

You're like a father to me.

With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.

I could tell he was dead straight off.

Before I could pull the trigger, I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.

I blacked out.

and saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks mastering the art of

Fu. There was an ancient prophecy about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful, only

one man could master it.

The chosen one.

When I woke up, I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.

I could feel my body mutate into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature.

You have to choose someone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Knock, gold.

At the memento, I put on a strip of cloth from the dead kung fu master.

I decided I would use my new super kung fu powers to fight crime.

So I became the best cop in the world. I became Kung Fury.

I don't want to hear it, Tunk Fury. I just got back from City Hall.

Fifty million dollars worth of damages, and I've got the mayor up my ass like a

fag on Viagra. How am I going to explain this to the prep?

You just destroyed an entire city block, for Christ's sake.

Didn't you tell me to block it out?

Told you to do it by the book. Cut the bullshit.

Nobody else in this bar could have stopped that arcade machine and you know

Oh, man.

Listen to me, Kung Fury.

You need to start following the rules like the rest of us. So I'm assigning

a new partner.

What? Hell no, I work alone.

Not anymore, you don't. Say hi to your new partner, Tricerica.

Very nice meeting you, Kung Fury.

Looking forward to working with you.

I work alone.

Either you team up with Triceratops or you're off the case. I'm not off the

case. I quit.

It was positive, yeah?

Yeah, no problem.

Give me the phone.

What the hell is this?

Chief McNichol speaking.

Is this the police?

Yeah, this is the police. Crack you!

I need someone to treat that call.

But that's impossible.

Not for me, it isn't.

Hackerman. He's the most powerful hacker of all time.

Follow me.

I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal and trace the caller.

His name is Adolf Hitler.

Hitler.

It's the worst criminal of all time.

Do you know him, sir?

I guess you could say that.

In the 1940s, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.

He was so good at Kung Fu that he decided to change his name to Computer.

But he didn't stop there.

He knew of the Kung Fury property and wanted to claim the throne.

So he and his party of Nazi soldiers conducted experiments for years.

They weren't

able to figure out how to master the art of Kung Fury.

And one day, he disappeared from the face of the earth.

And no one has seen him ever since.

Until now.

I guess he figured if he could find a chosen one and kill him, he would become

Kung Fury himself.

He must have traveled in time in order to get here.

That's probably why he disappeared in the first place.

So what are you going to do?

My job.

I'm going to go back in time to Nazi Germany and kill Hitler once and for

So how are you going to do that? I'm not sure.

I need some sort of time machine.

Wait a minute.

Using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct a mainframe cell direct and

hack the uplink to the download.

What the hell does that mean? It means that with the right computer algorithms,

I can hack you back in time.

Just like a time machine.

Well then, it's hacking time.

Oh no!

That's a laser raptor. I thought they went extinct thousands of years ago.

My name is Barbariana.

What year is this?

It's the Viking Age.

That explains the laser raptor. Fuck!

It went too far back in time.

You need to get out of this valley.

This place is swarming with laser raptors.

I'll meet you at the God's Drop. Katana can help you get there.

Who's Katana?

I'm Katana.

I can give you a ride to Oggard.

A ride on what?

So, who are you?

I'm a cop.

From the future.

I was sent back in time to kill Hitler, but I accidentally went back too far in

time.

End up in this place.

I know someone who might be able to help you.

Behold, it is me, Thor, son of Odin and protector of mankind.

Check out my pecs.

Your pecs are epic.

Thanks, bro.

So, anyway, Thor, this is, um, Kung Fury.

He's a cop from the future. Yeah, I need to get to Nazi Germany and, uh, kill

Hitler, so... If you get out there, then...

Habitat.

Walk through this portal, and you shall end up in Nazi Germany.

Good luck to you, Confuri.

Thanks, Thor.

Well, looks like this is my ride.

Hey, future cop, where are you going?

You know what? Here, take my number.

And use this phone to call me.

It's a personal transportable cellular telephone.

It features 645 channel capacity, 10 number speed dial, and an electronic

security lock.

This revolution in communication could make it possible for more and more

to have a phone in their car.

Your moustache is completely broken.

You'll have to do the abracadabra.

Abracadabra? It doesn't look smart.

My moustache? This is an Irish moustache.

No, this is an Irish moustache. That looks like a man's hair on a merciless

Yeah, that was funny when you said that.

It looks like you've fallen into a ditch with some linen on your lips and just

dragged it back.

This is an Irish moustache.

You should be ashamed of yourself. It doesn't look smart.

Thank you.

disarming you.

You don't need that spine.

It's all in your bag.

Nothing can stop me and my army of death.

All right, Hitler.

Then gig it up. Show me your hands.

Huh?

Hagerman, have you seen Kung Fury?

Oh, no.

Who the hell are you?

My name is Cobra.

I've been expecting you, Kung Fury.

I'm your spirit animal.

What the hell is this place?

This is heaven. I'm afraid you're dead.

What?

But it looks so real.

Yeah. No, it's totally real.

Mr. Cobra, I'm a police officer.

I need you to send me back to Earth.

Pronto.

I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. You see, you're dead.

You're under arrest.

What? For obstruction of justice.

You're breaking the law!

What the hell happened?

I hacked away all of your bullet wounds, Kankiri.

Thanks.

I want to welcome you and your friends To Germany.

We are not so different, you and I.

I mean, we've both got cool style, you know? We're red, you know?

So that's cool.

You both like doing moves?

Yeah! Check it out!

Yeah!

Yeah! Want killing people?

I love it. You clearly do, too.

And that's cool.

Join me.

We could be brothers.

We are so alike.

It's almost like we finish each other's balls.

Oh, my.

Not much left of him, is there? The important thing is that he's gone.

Sorry I died at you, Chris. You're a cop.

You're the best damn partner I've ever had.

I came back in time for you, Kung Fury.

Because, damn it, I love you.

Teamwork is very important.

So, what happens now, Kung Fury?

Well, I need to head back to the office.

Looks like it's gonna be a hell of a lot of paperwork.

Open the doors, Hoff.

I'm sorry, Fury.

I can't let you do that.

Open the doors, Hoff.

I'm sorry. I can't let you open the doors, Godfury.

Goddammit, open the doors.

I'm sorry.

I can't let... Open the doors.

Did anyone ever tell you not to hassle the Hoff 9000?

Oh, Hoff 9000.

Son of a bitch.

Piece of shit.

Oh, my.

The important thing is that he's gone.

Game over.

Wait a minute.

I've seen that symbol before.

Somewhere.

If we're gonna make it like a true survivor, we need some action.

If we wanna take our love away from here, we need a living passion

to believe in. Burning hearts and a brand new feeling, action.

If we're gonna make it like a true survivor.

of time hear the ticking of the countdown clock tonight

God we need some God we need some action

Like a true survivor.