Original subtitles

[phone ringing]

[theme music]

[upbeat music]

Do well, Ling.

Yes.

Make us proud.

Duh.

What else do you expect from the highest ranked student

in the entire freshman class?

Ah!

Huh?

Hey!

I want to go up.

[screaming]

There it is, girls!

Mali U. The coolest, poshest, most happening

campus in the entire world.

Ooh, I can't wait to get down there!

Me neither.

I have been dreaming of this day my entire life!

COMPUTER: Autopilot engaged.

Before you go, girls, let us take a moment

to reflect on the life-changing journey

you are about to embark on.

[clears throat]

The seeds of knowledge that you plant today

have the potential to yield a great harvest in years to come.

And as the fruits of your labors nourish the body and soul--

Planting the seeds of collegiate success?

Is he serious?

I don't know, but I want football games and fun parties,

not boring farm metaphors.

I'm with ya!

As in, last one out of the jet's a rotten egg!

Girls?

Girls?

GROUP: Yeah!

Whoa!

Someone call the love doctor, because I've

just been infected with a serious case of co-ed-itus.

And check out all the amenities!

There's a high-tech sports complex,

a one of a kind specialty boutique mall,

and a private luau beach!

Not to mention the cutting edge

internet cafe and the seriously convenient mini trams.

[gasps] There it is, girls!

West Coast Hall.

Our new home sweet home.

Then our tour is officially over.

[rumbling]

Better make that tour a detour!

GROUP: Whoa!

I hope we make as strong an Impression at school

as we did on this roof.

Well, this is it.

Super Posh Suite 525.

Whoo!

Who wants to go in first?

For maximum drama, let's all enter on 3!

1, 2, 3!

GROUP: Ugh.

[yelling]

Whoa.

Who knew our drama was going to turn out to be a tragedy?

That doesn't even begin to describe it.

Like, where's the stylish three-person digs

we were promised?

I don't know, but this place reminds me

of the WOOHP holding facility.

Yeah.

Only not quite as glamorous.

Uh, guys.

Glamor is the least of what's missing from this place.

Where's all my stuff?

It's in here, Sam!

Hi!

I'm Stacy, your new roomie!

GROUP: What?

But how can you be Sam's roommate?

We're her best friends.

And, like, we're all supposed to be rooming together.

Oh, sorry, but there's a huge housing crunch on campus,

so Sam's stuff was put in my room.

And from what I've seen, I think we're gonna get along great.

You unpacked my things?

Yeah.

And judging by all the books I found,

I'm convinced we have a ton in common.

You see, Sam, I'm an academic just like you.

Wow, Sammy.

I wish my roommate was that helpful.

Oh, please.

You'd need about 10 helpful roommates to unpack

all your stuff, Clover.

What do you say I give you a campus tour?

I'm a sophomore, and I know all the shortcuts

and hidden passages.

Uh, sounds great, Stacy, but we still

have to sign up for classes.

I'll catch you later.

This is so unfair!

How come I'm the one stuck with the nosy roommate?

She's not nosy, Sam, just eager.

Besides, we've gotten out of tight spots before.

We can totally handle a temporary housing sitch.

And in the meantime, we'll be right across the hall

if you need us.

[gasps] Check it out!

I got the last seat in Surfology 101!

It's like the academic version of a dating service!

Ooh, and I got into Intro to Basket Weaving!

I can finally get in touch with my artistic side.

And I get into all of my advanced courses,

including quantum macro physics.

Uh, Sam, doesn't that class start in two minutes?

Uh-- [gasps] you're right!

Bye.

Bye.

[chatter]

Huh?

No way!

I can't believe we have a class together, roomie.

Yeah.

Talk about lucky.

OK, students, let's begin with a rudimentary question.

What is the name of the attractive force

which acts between two closed parallel

uncharged conducting plates?

Uh, Ling.

Uh, Ling Gi.

[fly buzzing]

Apparently, Miss Gi doesn't get the concept

of mandatory attendance.

OK, then.

How about, uh, Stacy?

[gasps]

It's called-- um--

it's called--

It's called the Casimir effect,

due to quantum vacuum fluctuations

of the electromagnetic field.

Very good, Samantha.

Looks like someone did her homework.

Thanks a lot, Sam.

You did that just to make me look bad.

No, I didn't.

I was trying to help.

Well, I don't need your help.

In fact, I don't ever want to talk to you again!

Hmph!

Hm.

OK, surfer boys!

Who wants to be the first to wax my board?

Welcome to Surfology 101.

Today we're going to learn about the anatomy of a wave.

So does this, like, mean we aren't going in the water?

Well, not until we learn the basics.

I don't want basics.

I want fun, sun, and good times 101, just

like I was promised in the Mali U course catalog.

In that case, why don't you show me an atomic roll

into the green room, followed by a nose walk and a triple cut

back?

Um, on second thought, the basics sound totally tubular.

Chop, chop. You're being graded on this.

[laughing]

[surf rock music]

[screaming]

Aw.

[eastern music]

The secret to successful basket

weaving, students, is to become one with your creation.

Now, close your eyes and let yourself get completely

enveloped in your work.

Completely enveloped.

Got it.

Huh?

That's a little too enveloped.

Oopsie.

Phew!

College is so exhausting.

Maybe I oughta stop by the internet cafe

for a brain-fueling latte.

MAN: Help!

Somebody help me!

Guess my latte will have to wait.

[yelling]

Hold on, I'm coming!

Gotcha.

[bell ringing]

Ah!

Whoa!

OK, the mini tram just went from seriously convenient

to seriously annoying.

Hey, what's that?

A pink scrunchy.

[gasps]

The same pink scrunchy Stacy was wearing.

[footsteps]

Hi-ya!

Sammy?

What are you doing? - Yeah?

What's with the freaky ninja greeting?

I was just chasing down a co-ed-napping baddie,

but whoever it was got away.

And I think Stacy was behind the attack.

Stacy?

That's crazy.

Yeah, she's, like, super nice.

Nice like Dr. Jekyll.

But trust me, based on the way she acted today in class,

she is way more Miss Hyde.

Ugh.

Look, Sammy, I realize Stacy may not be the ideal roommate,

but don't you think your accusations are a bit

far-fetched? fetched?

As in, you may be having difficulty

adjusting to new people.

Ugh.

I mean, think about it.

Anyone could have dropped the scrunchy.

In fact, it could be one of mine.

Ugh. Fine.

Don't believe me.

But I know there is something strange going on.

And I'm going to figure out exactly what it is.

BOTH: Hmm.

The coast is clear, which means it's officially spy time.

[computer powering up]

Bingo.

A list of Mali U's top five incoming freshmen,

starting with Ling Gi.

Hey, that's the missing student from my physics class.

Huh?

A cranium dranium?

OK, that definitely qualifies as strange.

[footsteps]

Hey, roomie.

How's it gong?

Fine, I guess.

Well, I'm awesome, on account of the A+ I

just got on my Brit Lit paper.

So, do you want to join me in a celebratory study sesh?

Um, maybe later.

I was just about to take a shower.

Even if Clover and Alex don't believe me,

I have to call Jerry.

This is getting way weird!

Whoa!

And it just got even weirder!

[screaming]

Great.

In addition to having a defective roommate,

I also have defective plumbing.

Whoa.

I knew Stacy was up to something,

but I never could have guessed she'd do anything this bizarre.

[whimpering]

Huh?

Wait a second, you're all the students from Stacy's list.

Ah!

What is this freaky machine doing to me?

Tapping into your information-rich

brain waves and preparing for a transfer of knowledge.

I don't know what kind of crazy plan you've cooked up,

but you have to turn this machine off

and set these students free!

Forget it.

This is my ticket to a perfect GPA.

Last year, I studied my butt off,

but there were too many smart students.

So I decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Or better yet, make them join you.

Or you could just try studying a little bit harder.

Why study at all when I have you guys cramming for me?

In fact, I have a couple of homework

assignments due tomorrow.

Time to show me what you know.

Ah!

[grunting]

[snickering]

Hmm, feels like an A+ to me.

Thanks for the study sesh, guys.

Oh, and save your energy.

We have a term paper due on Friday.

Save what energy?

Huh?

What are you doing here?

Checking in on Sam.

And hello to you too.

Well, she isn't here, so goodnight.

I've got to study.

Uh--

Well, do you know where she is?

Probably goofing off like all the other students

at Mali who take basket weaving and surfology classes.

Oh!

Hey!

Those classes are a lot harder than you think.

Hey, where'd you get that scrunchy?

It's mine!

[screaming]

Rude much!

Sam was right about Stacy.

She's a total nightmare.

I have a really bad feeling about this.

We'd better call Jerry right away.

[phone ringing]

Hello, girls.

Just checking to see if any of my words of wisdom

have guided you in your academic endeavors.

No, Jer, not even slightly.

But if you really want to help, you can WOOHP us right away.

Oh, very well.

[yelling]

Jeez.

All that wisdom, and you still haven't

figured out how to soften our WOOHP landings, Jer.

So what seems to be the problem?

Books, beakers, boys?

Who has time for boy problems?

Sam's missing, and we think her evil roommate

has something to do with it. - I see.

Well, Sam may be missing, but her X powder isn't.

Is that cute little blip on the screen Sammy?

Indeed.

And It appears she's located in the basement of your dorm.

What would Sam be doing in the basement?

Probably hiding from that heinous roommate of hers.

Whatever Sam's engaged in, it's wreaking havoc

on her physiological systems.

Her brain is functioning at a dangerously slow rate.

How can you possibly know that, Jerry?

All X powders are equipped with a capacity to monitor

the owner's bio-function.

Hello?

Is there a single aspect of our lives

you're not totally trespassing on?

Actually, no.

Come on, Jer.

Lay some gadgets on us so we can go help Sam.

BOTH: Huh?

Whoa.

Old school much.

What happened to Gladys?

Let's just say her bossy ways landed

her an extended vacation at the WOOHP recycling facility.

Now, here's the hot and spicy gum,

the drill heel boot, and the ultra fast hardening

enamel toenail polish.

Ooh!

Glittery aqua blue.

A classic. - Ta-ta.

And good luck, spies.

[yelling]

Bushwhacked by Jer again!

[gasps] I think that door leads to the basement.

Come on!

Wait.

We better take a less obvious route.

After all, you never know where that loon

Stacy might be lurking.

[yelling]

[coughing]

Don't get me wrong, I love these boots,

but they should really come with a feather duster.

[gasps] What is that thing?

Oh!

It's Sam!

Are you OK?

Sammy, say something!

Now we know what Jer meant by slow brain function.

We have to get her out of here before it's too late.

Ow!

Sorry, freshmen, but I can't let you do that.

Figures you're the one behind all this.

Why, because such an elaborate plan

involving sophisticated machinery

could only be the work of a genius like myself?

No, because Sam warned us that you

were one seriously wacky chic.

[yelling]

Nice try, but I already had my weekly facial.

Now it's time for us to give you a little treatment,

and I don't mean the spa kind.

Not if my mechanic friend has anything to say about it.

How come you brought us over here instead of plugging us

into your machine?

Let's just say it's pretty obvious that neither of you two

can help elevate my GPA.

So I decided to drop you from the Mali U roster.

All right, we've known you for, like, less than a day,

and that's about the 10th time you've insulted us.

It's getting really old.

You won't have to worry about it much longer.

[screaming]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to continue

my search for superior minds.

Later, losers.

[laughing]

She's getting away with Sam!

We have to worry about saving ourselves

before we save anyone else.

If only we could get our hands on a gadget, any gadget.

Hey!

I got one!

The hot and spicy gum.

OK, let me rephrase.

Any gadget except that one.

The last thing we need to do is turn the heat up any higher.

Might as well enjoy it.

It's probably the last piece of gum I'll ever get to chew!

Clover!

The gum worked!

I sweated my way to freedom. - Cool!

I mean, hot.

Now sweat your way over here and spring me before I'm toast!

Come on!

We better catch Stacy before she hijacks all of Sam's smarts.

[crowd screaming]

Let's see, where do all the smart people hang out?

The library, of course!

[thudding]

[screaming]

Hmm, good English, but poor math proficiency.

Good math, but poor science skills.

[gasps]

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

The total academic package!

[yelling]

[laughing]

Where could she have gone?

It's not like it's easy to blend in riding that machine.

[crowd screaming]

If these missions have taught me anything,

it's that whenever you're in doubt, follow the screams.

Professor emeritus of Cro-Magnon

man's dental hygiene habits?

Talk about a major egghead.

Oh, well.

You never know when you might need a specialist.

[gasps]

Hi-ya!

You two again?

Maybe I underestimated you after all.

You better believe you did, grade grubber!

You're just jealous because I'm naturally gifted

and you're not! - Hey!

Uh, reality check.

There's nothing remotely natural about where

your smarts come from.

Ah!

I think the wise move is to run!

Whoa!

How are we gonna stop this thing?

It's as tough as a tank!

But not tougher than our ultra fast hardening enamel

toenail polish!

[gasps]

[grunting in frustration]

OK, that was not a smart move!

[yelling]

Whoa!

Clover, can I borrow your nail polish, like, now!

Huh?

Gotcha.

No!

Now I'm gonna flunk all my classes,

and it's all your fault!

Maybe you should just hit the books!

Whoa!

Ugh.

I guess Some people just have to learn the hard way.

Ladies, you'll be pleased to know that everyone's brains

have been restored to their prior states,

minus the memories of what happened here, of course.

That's a relief.

I mean, who ever heard of going to college and getting dumber?

So, Sam, now that you're back to being the smarty

pants we all know and love, how about helping me

with my homework?

Uh, no thanks.

My newly recharged brain cells need a little R&R.

It's just as well.

No amount of tutoring can keep me from being an embarrassment

in surfing class.

Oh, tell me about it.

I'm known as the basket case of basket weaving.

Who knew college was so complicated?

Speaking of complicated, we still haven't

solved our housing crisis.

Well, we better do it fast, 'cause I'm getting

claustrophobic just thinking about that tiny dorm room.

Kooky roommates and cramped living spaces

will no longer be a concern for you, girls.

I've arranged for the three of you

to live together in the penthouse of your dorm.

Penthouse?

Since when does West Coast Hall have a penthouse?

Since the WOOHP prop department

built one last night.

Come on.

Let's take a tour, shall we?

[gasping]

Check out this killer buff-boy-watching ocean view!

Oh, this place has everything our beach house had and more!

But the best feature is what it doesn't have.

Nutso roommates.

BOTH: Yeah!

So I take it this living arrangement is to your liking?

Oh!

To our liking?

More like to our loving!

Thanks, Jer!

You're very welcome.

[clearing throat]

From here, you'll be able to plant the seeds of knowledge--

Jerry, no more agricultural advice.

Give it a rest.

CLOVER: Just leave before we have to call the RA!

[laughing]

[theme music]