Original subtitles

♪♪

Randy: ♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms, gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ There's ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪

♪ I'm headin' on down to Tegridy Farms ♪

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

Towelie: I got some weed, and...

I don't know what's going on.

Randy: ♪ So come on down to Tegridy Farms ♪

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

♪ Happy 300 to us ♪

♪ Happy 300 to us ♪

♪ Happy 300, Tegridy Farms ♪

Ugh! Ugh!Ugh!

♪ Happy three hundred thousand dollars ♪

Can you believe it, gang?

We've broken $300,000 selling weed.

Not to be a dick,

but I remember back when you, Sharon, and you, Shelley,

said buying a pot farm was a "stupid" idea.

Now we're living the dream.

You'reliving the dream. This is yourdream.

You know, [scoffs] is it me

or are people starting to not be that stoked on Tegridy Farms?

Are you guys still pissed off about the China thing?

You may not like that I do business with China,

but personally, I think you guys having a problem with China

is racist.

Now come on! Let's celebrate 300!

Who wants shots?

Shots?

No shots! No shots!

Eric, you have to be a big boy.

Big boys get a toy from the toy chest.

No, no, no, no, no! [ Screeching ]

Eric, It's just a little prick.[ Laughs ]

No, no, no! Nooooo!

Good boy, Eric!

[ Squealing ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Cartman squealing ]

Our school now has a very strict policy

when it comes to immunizations.

Everyonehas to follow protocol or it puts everyoneat risk.

I'm sorry, PC Principal. It's just that...

my little Eric really doesn't like shots.

Well, Eric, nobody likes shots. They're just a fact of life.

No, no. You don't understand.

I've taken him to the doctor every Friday

for the past four years.

They try to give him his shot,

but he gets scared and runs around,

and he squeals like a little pig.

The doctors try to catch him,

but Eric greases himself up so they can't.

I'm sorry, but my hands are tied here.

If Eric isn't immunized,

then he cannot go to this school.

[ Sobbing ] Please! I've tried everything!

You haveto let Eric go to school.

I work all day, and without school,

he'll just -- he'll just have nothing!

What do you think's gonna be different next time you try?

If -- If you could offer Eric something.

Sometimes when Eric is behaving this way,

I think of a gift or a treat of some kind.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Like, what are you thinking?

I don't know!

Like maybe exclusive use

of the tetherball pole at recess for the next two months?

Ooh, would that be possible?

What I care most about is the safety of the students,

so if you'll take your shots, then I'll agree.

Sweet.But, Eric, you really have to do it this time, okay?

When we're at the doctors, you can't change your mind.

I won't change my mind.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Cartman squeals in distance ]

[ Crashing, glass shatters ]

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Crashing, shattering ]

Eric, it's okay!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Clattering ]

I'm sorry but I have a lot of other patients to see.

We'll just have to try again next week.

Come on, Eric. We're going home.

We're going home? You promise?

Let's go! Get in the car!

Wait, can I get a toy from the toy chest?

One toy, Eric!

Cool!

[ Toys rattle ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Siren chirps ]

[ Marching band plays ]

[ Parade music plays ]

Yeah!

300!

Tegridy Farms! Hello, South Park!

Thanks for making Tegridy

the most profitable farm in Colorado!

We couldn't have done it without you, so here!

Here's some beads![ Red Rockers' "China" plays ]

Here you go! Beads for everybody!

I've got $300,000!

♪ China, China!♪

♪ Da-da-ya-ya history!♪

♪ It was la la la China! ♪

[ Sirens chirp ]♪ China, China!♪

Alright, China!

Butters: So, then I guess the school said Eric can't come here no more

and so he's been, like, kicked out.

Cartman can't go to this school anymore?

Yeah, he was actually kind of upset about it

because he said on the phone that he has to do

homeschooling with this really mean teacher.

Oh, my God. I don't know how long this will last,

but I'm gonna savor every minute.

Hey, guys! I'm back in school!

Everything worked out.

I'm allowed back, and it's all good!

You got your shots?

No, I don't have to get my shots ever!

And they can't do anything about it.

Because I'm a consciousness objector.

A conscientious objector?

Yeah, I told the school, I said, look you guys,

I happen to have... "religious, moral,

or philosophical convictions."

And -- And I said I believe that "health and disease

should not be controlled by vaccination."

Those are mybeliefs.

And besides, I don't want to risk immunizations

making me artistic. [ Sniffles ]

Dude, Cartman, don't you know that if you don't get immunized

you actually put people at risk who --One second! One second!

[ Sniffles ] Sorry. One second, gotta sneeze.

Oh, never mind. Never mind.

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

I'm saying that we all had to get shots

and, actually, if just one person doesn't --

[ Sneezes ]

Oh!

Snot web.

I'll be right back, you guys.

Can somebody get me a paper towel?

I got a snot web here.

Consciousness objector coming through.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Alright, everyone. Listen up.

I understand your frustration,

but a government organization like a school

cannot impose its will on a conscientious objector.

It's not safe for our kids to be in this school!

You do understand that up to 5% of kids with vaccines

can still be at risk.

Everyone has to do it, or it doesn't matter!

Yeah, I don't quite see how it's fair that

allthe rest of our community agrees to this.

Why does onefamily get to have a problem with it?

I'm sorry.

It's just my strong, personal belief that

"among other things,

vaccines contain harmful ingredients.

Formaldehyde, aluminum and even Mercury."

Aw, come on, Mrs. Cartman, all major medical organizations

state that vaccines are safe!

The CDC, the FDA, UNICEF, and the US Department of Health!

Yes, yes, I know but...

"we can't even risk a 0.1% chance of vaccinations

making our children artistic."

Well, that's true.

There are enough artists in the world.

Look, I don't know what kind of mother

wouldn't vaccinate their child,

but it's putting everyone in danger, and that's why --

Then you try to catch him! You try it!

Don't you people criticize me

until you've taken Eric to the doctor,

and you've tried to hold him down!

I'm a good mother!

Don't you dare question if I care about my child!

Oh, shit.

O-Of course you care.

Nobody likes seeing their child in pain.

Maybe -- Maybe you should just let us take care

of getting Eric his shots.

You don't understand how hard it is.

We'll find a way to make it

completely painless for him, okay?

[ Snoring ]

[ Keys jangle ]

[ Door creaks ]

Alright, alright. Bring him in!

The little boy's room is upstairs.

Oh, I don't know if I can go through with this.

My little Eric is going to be so mad at me!

Look, by the time he knows what's happened,

it'll already be over.

Did you bring his boo-boo present?

Yeah, yeah, come on. Thomas and Laura.

Okay? See? We got the present.

Everything's gonna be fine.

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring continues ]

Hey, what's going on?

[ Squeals ]

No, no! Nooo!

Oh! It'll just be for a second!

Oh, Jesus!

[ Cartman squeals ]

Eric, there's a big treat for you if you stay still!

[ Squealing continues ]Catch him!

[ Squealing ]Butter's Dad: Thomas! Linda!

Y-You gotta get him!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Snorts ]

[ Squealing resumes ]

[ Squealing continues ]

Eric! Oh!

Well, what do we do now?

I think the only way we're gonna get Eric immunized

is by bringing in an expert.

[ Western music plays ]

[ Telephone rings ]

This is Big Mesquite Murph. How can I help you?

You say you got yourself a conscientious objector?

Well, you just sit tight.

There aren't never no hog

that Big Mesquite Murph couldn't catch.

♪♪

♪♪

How many thousand dollars has Tegridy Farms made selling weed?

$300,000!

It's a 300-palooza!

Come on down and see what we've got!

Deep voice: What have we got?

We've got $300,000!

Just selling' all this [echoing] weed!

And this month, we're celebrating

all our new customers in China!

[ Reggae music plays ]

We're celebrating with new T-shirts!

"Tegridy Farms made $300,000 and all I got was high."

Get yours for just ten bucks!

We couldn't have done it without you!

Remember! That's $300,000!

[ Remote clicks ]

Well... what'd you think, guys?

How much did you spend making that commercial?

Who cares, Sharon? Business is up.

Nobody cares about your stupid $300,000!

We've become the kind of business

that we moved out here to get away from!

You know why the Chinese buy our weed?!

It's to plant on their student protesters

so they can put them in jail!

Yeah, we make money either way.

You don't care how anyone else feels!

We bought this farm together, Randy!

Or did you forget that?I hatemarijuana!

[ Gasps ] Shelley!I hate marijuana,too.

[ Gasps ] Stan!

Oh, Eric, I...

wasn't sure if you'd be up yet.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Eric, you know I only want what's best

for my little snookums.

You read me a bedtime story. You tucked me in.

And then you let half the town into my room

to try and give me a shot against my will.

It was supposed to make it easier on you,

and th-th-they didn't catch you anyway.

This is goodbye, Mom. I can't live with you anymore.

Eric, please!

You don't know how hard it is to be a parent!

Sometimes we don't know the right thing to do!

So you go along with society

and try to force immunizations on me

even knowing the health risks?

What if immunizations made my friend Timmy the way he is?

What if they made Jimmy the way he is?

What if they made Token the way he is?

Eric, when I was at the store, I got you

some Little Debbie Cream Pies and --

That isn't gonna work this time, Mom!

I don't want to be around you anymore!

So I don't know where you're gonna stay,

but you'll just have to figure it out.

I've already packed all your things.

Sweetie, you can't live on your own.

You should've thought about that before you made this house

a nightmare for me. Goodbye, mother.

[ Country music plays ]

Alright, youngin, we can do this the easy way

or we can do it hard.

♪♪

[ Squealing, snorting ]

-Yeeeeeeee-haw! -[ Squealing continues ]

-Soooiee! -[ Squealing continues ]

♪♪

Well? What happened.

[ Slurring ] I ain't never seen no hog like that...

It's like it could run two places at once.

You said you could catch him!

I didcatch 'im!

I got him locked in a pen!

It's just that every time I bring out that needle,

he becomes like a hog tornado,

but I'll get him! Yeah?

Or maybe you just believe a little bit

that vaccinations shouldn't be mandated for school attendance

due to possible still-unknown side effects.

Don't you question me. If anyone believes

that the most common side effect of vaccines -- anaphylaxis --

occurs in only one per several hundred thousand

to one per million vaccinations,

it's Big Mesquite Murph.

Now this hog you got here, he's contained,

but now I need help gettin' him his shots.

The only way we're gonna get him,

is we gotta build a big enclosed pen

'bout 100 feet in diameter.

I'm also gonna need the best wranglers flown in from Wichita.

And I'm gonna need some loud music and some barbecue.

Barbecue?

[ Doorbell rings ]

Mrs. Cartman?

Hello, Randy...

I'm...sorry to trouble you, but...

I don't know where to turn.

I was hoping maybe...

I could buy some ganja.

Whoa, whoa, what's going on?

My son h-hates me.

The whole town h-hates me.

Nobody thinks I'm a good mom,

and I don't know if I am anymore!

Ok, ok, come on...

let's get you inside and get you some weed.

It all just happened gradually, you know?

[ Inhales ] I don't know why

but it's like everyone's against me.

Even my own son. [ Exhales ]

Believe me, I know how that feels.

[ Inhales ]

You try to do what's best for your family

and all you do is get shit on.

I know immunizations are probably for the best...

[ Inhales ] ...but then you read some of this stuff

on the Internet, and I don't know.

It's scary. [ Exhales ]

That's just it. [ Inhales ]

When it comes to families, we just have to do

what wethink is best.It doesn't matter.

They're having an all-county mandated immunization

round up tonight.

Any child not immunized is about to be.

All-county immunization round up?

What's that?[ Indistinct chatter ]

ANNOUNCER: Good evenin', everybody,

and welcome to the CDC Child Immunization challenge.

This here special event is sponsored by

Voices for Vaccines and also by Chevy.

So with all that all out the way, let's get to some action!

[ Cheers and applause ]

First up, we have little Danny Ray Johnston

out of Bailey, Colorada.

He has not been immunized since kindergarten.

He says he just don't like needles.

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

No! Noooooo!

[ Screaming ] -And there they go!

[ Screaming continues ][ Banjo music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

No! Noooo! [ Screams ]

[ Crowd ohh's ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Gate rattling ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Ah! [ Shouts ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Nooo!

[ Crying ][ Cheers and applause ]

He stuck him in the left buttocks!

That is a 8.7 score, right there.

[ Cheers and applause ][ Gate rattling ]

Alright let's hear it for little Danny Ray, folks.[ Crying ]

He's a little worse for wear but now he can pick himself up

a nice little toy from the toy chest.

[ Banging ] Jesus...

I've got to get out of here!

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Crying ] It's just -- It's like --

Can't people see I'm trying to do

what's best for my family?!

I'm trying to provide for them by running a business!

I'm sorry if I make mistakes!

I know, Randy.

Other parents expect me to deal with Eric and --

And I get it from both sides

because my family's pissed off at me, too!

I understand.No, you don't!

Yes, I do. No, you don't!

[ Garbled ] Nobody understands.

Randy, we all try to do the best for our family.

And sometimes...

when we're afraid of being judged,

we can push our family away.

Yeah, it's like everybody's doing business with China.

Just, like, get over it.

You should just feel lucky that you have a partner

in doing what's right for your family. Yeah...

I'm afraid I haven't been very kind to that partner lately.

I think maybe it's time for an apology.

Thanks for the talk, Randy,

andfor the weed.Where you going?

I'm going to do the only thing I know how to do.

Be a mom.

[ Screaming ] Nooo!

[ Screaming continues ]

ANNOUNCER: Alright, and that is Dr. Chet Molwinns

that just gave that girl her DTAP booster

and her HPV vaccination.

That is for genital warts.

Way to go, Chet.[ Cheers and applause ]

Hey, folks, let's hear it for all these wranglers tonight.

They're workin' extra hard to bring immunity

to your community.

Alright, folks, we are now ready for the main event!

This young man hasnever had a single immunization.

[ Walls rattling ] He says he is an orthodox Jew

and a conscientious objector.

Everyone put your hands together now for little

Eric "The South Park Piggy" Cartman.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Sooouuuiiieee!

[ Shouts ]

[ Squealing ][ Cheers and applause ]

ANNOUNCER: There he goes folks! Dear Lord, he's a slippery one.

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Gearshift slides ]

Do you remember we used to come here

and look over the town lights together?

Yeah, so what?

Then you turned into an asshole.

I brought you here to apologize, Towelie.

I let the money go to my head.

I -- I got greedy,

and I started acting like a towel.

I need you back.

I need Tegridy back the way it used to be.

No more harassing home growers?

No more harassing home growers.

No more dealing with those MedMen assholes.

No more MedMen.

No more kissing China's ass?

China's actually a free and loving country that --

I'm out.[ Door closes ]

Wait! Wait, Towelie! Come on, I need you!

I'm never working for a company

that's regulated by a communist government.

Okay, okay...

No more selling to the Chinese.

Then say it. Say, "Fuck the Chinese government.

[ Quietly ] Fuck the Chinese government.

I didn't hear you.

Fuck the Chinese government! There!

Well...

you just got your partner back.

[ Laughs ] This is it.

This is the moment that Tegridy Farms

got back on track.

♪♪

ANNOUNCER: Dear Lord, we are goin' on 16 minutes here

and ain't nobody caught this youngin![ Squealing ]

This might very well be a world record

you're seeing here, folks.[ Squealing continues ]

Get out of my way! Move it!

Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Cartman. Everything is fine here.

It's okay, Liane! They know what they're doing!

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Man grunts ][ Crowd ooh's ]

Oh, looks like we've got a concerned parent in there,

tryin' to take issue with her child's well bein'.

♪♪

[ Squealing continues ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Crowd ohh's ]

Mooommm!

Leave my son alonnnneeeeee!

♪♪

[ Screams ][ Music stops ]

[ Crowd ohhhh's ]

I know I'm not the greatest mom in the world.

I do the best I can.

Whatever happens now

is going to be done my way.

Come on, Eric.

Wait, Mom.

No, Eric!

No shot, no toy!

What?!

Okay, doctor, I'm ready for my shots.

Eric, I've been speaking with your mother...

I'm afraid there's some bad news.Bad news?

What are you talking about? Mom?

Your mother received a heavy dose of vaccine

that wasn't meant for an adult.

I'm afraid there have been... side effects.

What side effects? Mom?! Mom!

Mom? Are you here, M-- [ Gasps ]

[ Softly ] Eric...

[ Echoing ] Nooo...

Noooooo!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪